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7 Misconceptions You May Have About the Embryo Transfer Process

There are a lot of things to consider if you are thinking about becoming a gestational surrogate. This journey will require a great deal of your time and energy (not to mention your body), and it’s not a commitment that any woman should take lightly.

One of the big requirements of surrogacy is the medical process you will subject yourself to. Before you even carry a child for nine months with the risks and responsibilities of pregnancy, you will need to undergo fertility medication and the embryo transfer procedure. You already know what to expect from your pregnancy, but you may be completely unaware of what the embryo transfer process really entails. There may even be a few questions on your mind:

How bad do the fertility shots hurt?
How long does the process take?
Do you have to have sex with the other person’s partner in order to become a surrogate mother?
How many embryo transfers will I have to go through?

These are all common questions to have. Fortunately, the surrogacy specialists at American Surrogacy are here to help. They can answer every question you have about the medical process of surrogacy to alleviate your concerns and, when you’re ready, help you get started with your surrogacy journey. To learn more today, you can always call 1-800-875-BABY(2229).

In order to know what to expect, it’s first important to recognize any misinformation that you may have heard about this process. Below, find seven common myths about in vitro fertilization and the embryo transfer process as they pertain to becoming a gestational surrogate.

Surrogacy requires “natural” ways of conceiving.

Sometimes, prospective surrogates unfamiliar with the medical process of surrogacy ask, “In order to be a surrogate mother, do you have to have sex with the other person’s partner?”

While this method of surrogacy was common in earlier centuries, the advance of in vitro fertilization and artificial insemination eliminated this practice. Today, the practice of conception in surrogacy is achieved in a laboratory setting, all under the watchful eye of a reproductive endocrinologist. Surrogates do not have to be intimate with the intended father; this kind of relationship would cause far more harm than good. In fact, during the process to become a surrogate, you will have to abstain from all kinds of sexual intercourse — even that with your own spouse or partner.

You have to take a lot of painful shots to become a surrogate.

Preparing for the embryo transfer process does take a lot of time and energy — but for good reason. A reproductive endocrinologist wants to make sure a potential carrier is as healthy as possible before transferring an embryo, to give all parties the best possible chance of success. In many cases, a prospective surrogate will take certain pills and shots in order to achieve the best conditions for pregnancy.

However, every surrogate’s medical protocol is different. Some surrogates may need to take more shots than others, while some women may not take any at all. While it can be helpful to speak with other surrogates about their medical experience, the only person who can tell you what to expect in your pre-transfer medical protocol is your reproductive endocrinologist.

Fertility medication causes cancer.

This myth has existed for a while, mostly from fear that ovarian stimulation would stimulate cancer cells, as well. The fact is fertility medication has not been proven to cause cancer; otherwise, professionals would not prescribe it. Your medical professional will always explain the potential side effects of your medication before beginning the protocol to ensure you are comfortable moving forward.

Your reproductive endocrinologist will transfer several embryos for the best chance of success.

As recent as a decade ago, it was common for fertility doctors to transfer as many embryos as possible for the best chances of a successful pregnancy. Today, it’s a bit different. New methods of screening embryos have emerged, giving medical professionals the ability to determine which are the healthiest embryos before transfer occurs. By choosing only the best embryo for transfer, fertility doctors today improve the chances of conception and reduce the risks associated with multiple births.

As a surrogate, you always have the right to choose how many embryos per transfer you are comfortable with. This will be addressed in your surrogacy contract.

The embryo transfer process is painful.

Actually, the embryo transfer process is fairly quick and easy — it only takes about five minutes! The process of transferring an embryo to a uterus is a fairly quick one. Many women compare it to the feeling of a pap smear. It may be a bit uncomfortable, and you may feel slight pressure, but it will be over before you know it and you will likely experience minimal side effects.

Your embryo transfer will succeed the first time around.

While fertility doctors do their best to ensure a successful embryo transfer, the odds are often against you as a surrogate. Even when all factors are advantageous, the live birth rate for each embryo transfer is around 40 percent for women under 35 years old, and that probability decreases the older a woman is. You may have to undergo more than one embryo transfer before becoming pregnant, and it’s usually a situation out of your control. As a surrogate, you will also get the chance to determine how many embryo transfers you are comfortable with in one surrogacy journey before you even begin.

Any unused embryos will be destroyed.

The issue of unused embryos in IVF can be a sensitive one, even if you are not an intended parent. Keep in mind that the storage and use of any extra embryos will always be up to the intended parents — but not all intended parents will automatically dispose of leftover embryos.

If embryos are deemed healthy enough, they may be donated to other families in need for an embryo adoption. Embryos deemed unhealthy (that is, they would not survive if implanted in a woman’s uterus) are likely disposed of. Intended parents may also choose to store their embryos indefinitely while they make a decision. Wherever you stand on the debate about when life starts, remember that this will be not your concern as a surrogate, although it is something to consider your feelings on before starting the IVF process.

For more information on the medical process of surrogacy and whether surrogacy is right for you, please reach out to our surrogacy specialists today.

5 Things to Know About Raising a Donor-Conceived Child

Surrogacy can be a scary enough concept for hopeful intended parents — but, if you are in need of a sperm or egg donation to complete your surrogacy, you may be even more nervous about the path ahead. Raising a child born from surrogacy comes with its own unique challenges, and raising a child born from a gamete donation is no different.

Fortunately, there are many resources available to you if you are considering surrogacy with a donated gamete. Many intended parents have been in your situation, and they are successfully raising children born from a donated gamete in a healthy and positive way. You can, too.

Know that the surrogacy specialists at American Surrogacy can always discuss this situation in more detail with you. We can answer all your questions about surrogacy and donated gametes, as well as help you move forward with the process whenever you are ready. To learn more today, please contact our agency at 1-800-875-BABY(2229).

In the meantime, we’ve gathered a few things that every intended parent should know if they are considering surrogacy with a donated gamete.

1. Identified gamete donors promote positive self-identity in children.

One of the first decisions that intended parents considering surrogacy with a donated gamete have to make is whether to use an anonymous or identified donor. Many fertility specialists and surrogacy professionals encourage the use of an identified donor — for many reasons.

Choosing an anonymous sperm or egg donor may seem like the easiest way to go about this process, but intended parents need to consider their child’s future well-being. What will happen when their child has questions as they grow up? How will they answer them? What happens if a medical emergency occurs, and a child does not have their full updated medical history?

If you choose an identified donor, you will have access to medical history and more. An identified donor is always available for contact and information if necessary, as well as to provide answers to your child that you may not have as they develop their identity.

2. You should not keep the gamete donation a secret.

Even if you choose a sperm or egg donor who looks similar to your family, gamete donation should not be a secret. Your child deserves the right to know their full history. Imagine a day where your child might develop a dangerous genetic disease; if they are operating under false assumptions about their genetic heritage, their life could be in danger.

This isn’t even to mention the situations in which children find out about their gamete donor later in life. It can severely impact a child’s self-identity to feel betrayed or lied to by their parents. They will have created a self-identity that may be based on completely false information. Being honest about a sperm or egg donation from the beginning is much more preferable than this circumstance, which can destroy relationships between children and parents.

3. Your child will have questions — and this is completely normal.

Even if you make your child’s surrogacy and gamete donation story an open topic of conversation as they grow up, your child will always have questions. You may not be able to answer all of them. A child goes through normal phases of interest and disinterest about their history as they grow up; it’s all a part of developing their self-identity. Therefore, intended parents need to be ready for the day that these questions about a sperm or egg donor come.

If a child starts asking about their genetic history, it is not a sign that they are looking for their “real parents.” In fact, that’s not it at all. If you have been open and respectful with your child about their genetic history, they will continue to respect and love you. Questions about background are normal for anyone to have; in the case of donor-conceived children, they just have to go to someone else to find the answers. Don’t ever take it as a sign that you aren’t “enough” of a parent for your child.

4. The Donor Sibling Registry can be an invaluable tool.

As your child learns more about their genetic history, they may have questions about extended biological family members. Remember: Your child finding their biological family is not a bad thing. If anything, it’s a positive to gain more family members!

To aid your child in your future search, you could choose to sign your child up in the Donor Sibling Registry (DSR) as soon as they are born. That way, your child and your child’s half-siblings and genetic relatives can contact each other to share personal relationships and provide up-to-date family medical information. Signing your child up for this registry in advance will show them your commitment and respect for their personal surrogacy and donor-conceived story.

5. Gamete donation is a lifelong journey for parents and their children.

Finally, keep this in mind if you are considering surrogacy with a donor gamete: Many forms of assisted reproductive technology are a lifelong journey, and surrogacy and gamete donation are no different. While you may think your journey in these processes will be over once your child is born, you will need to make these topics an open conversation and a source of pride as long as your child lives. Respect any decisions they make to seek out biological relatives and support them in that journey. Answer any questions they have and help them find any you can’t answer. You will always be your child’s parent; it will be up to you what kind of parent you choose to be for them.

To learn more about surrogacy with a donated gamete, please contact American Surrogacy today.

What Happens If a Surrogate Gets a New Partner During Her Journey?

Many of the women who choose to become surrogates have a supportive spouse to assist them along the way. However, being married or in a committed relationship is not a requirement to become a surrogate. Many single women have become surrogates and successfully helped to bring a child into the world — and you can, too!

The process of surrogacy can take a long time, but we never ask gestational surrogates to feel like they have to put their life on hold during this journey. Single surrogates are no exception. If you have been dating prior to your surrogacy journey and feel like continuing that process, we have no restrictions on you doing so.

If you do choose to continue dating during your surrogacy journey, you may find that you meet a great potential partner after you have begun your surrogacy process. But, this can be a complicated situation — how do you explain your decision to your new partner? How will your journey affect your budding relationship?

Remember, your surrogacy specialist will always be there to support you through your entire surrogacy process, even complicated situations like this one. Building a new romantic relationship and being a surrogate don’t have to be mutually exclusive, but there are some important things you should know ahead of time.

Do I Have to Tell My Surrogacy Professional?

At American Surrogacy, we don’t want to micromanage your life as a surrogate — and neither will your intended parents. However, bringing a new romantic and sexual partner into your surrogacy journey is something that will affect all parties. As soon as your new relationship has the potential for sexual contact, you will need to inform your surrogacy specialist right away. You won’t have to ditch your new partner, but there are a few steps you’ll have to take moving forward.

When you first become a surrogate, you will have been tested for communicable diseases. This is to ensure that the baby you carry will not contract any of these diseases or infections during your pregnancy or delivery process. Any surrogate who is married or in a committed relationship at the time of her screening would have included her partner in these medical checks. If you gain a new sexual partner during your surrogacy, it is no different.

Before you have any sexual contact with your new partner, it’s important that he or she is tested for any communicable diseases or infections. This will make sure you and the baby you’re carrying stay safe through every step of the process. If your new partner tests positive for any infectious or communicable diseases, it doesn’t mean you have to break up — it just may mean that any sexual relationship between you will need to be delayed until after the baby is born.

For more information about this, reach out to your surrogacy specialist or your fertility clinic.

How Do I Explain My Surrogacy Journey to My New Partner?

Now that you know this, you may be anxious about how to bring up that testing — not to mention your surrogacy journey in general — with your new partner. We understand that surrogacy can be a damper on a new relationship, but it’s an important part of your life for a year or more. It cannot be a secret.

Dating while being a surrogate is an interesting situation, and it’s one you should prepare for if you are a entering this process while single. Fortunately, there are helpful stories from women in similar situations; you can usually find them on surrogacy boards and support groups.

There’s one thing to keep in mind if you’re dating while taking the surrogacy journey: If that partner is really interested in you, they will be okay with your decision.

But, how do you tell them about it?

In many ways, telling prospective partners about your upcoming or current surrogate pregnancy is the same as telling family and friends about your surrogacy decision. You’ll want to make sure they fully understand the process, that you discuss your reasons, and that you give them the chance to ask questions. If they seem to accept and support your decision, you may find that pursuing this relationship will be easier than expected. You don’t necessarily have to bring up the idea of screening right away, just as soon as the idea of a sexual relationship seems likely.

Being a surrogate is a relatively short period in your life, but it is one that will affect every aspect of your life — even your dating life. Your surrogacy specialist will always be here to help you navigate these complexities, and there are plenty of surrogacy support groups that you can turn to for more advice. With proper preparation, you can continue to balance your dating life with your life as a surrogate — and be fulfilled in each journey, too!

Surrogacy Laws & “Medical Necessity”: What Does It All Mean?

Surrogacy provides a great way for hopeful intended parents to add to their family. Usually, the process is not restricted for intended parents; as long as they meet the basic requirements set by state laws and their surrogacy professionals, they can choose surrogacy to bring a genetically related child into their home.

However, in addition to the medical and psychological screening all intended parents must undergo, some intended parents may be subject to one more requirement: “medical necessity.” Whether it’s because of a requirement set by their surrogacy professional or their state laws, proving medical necessity can be just one more hurdle to hopeful parents achieving their family-building dreams.

If you’ve heard the term “medical necessity” in your surrogacy research, you may have a few questions. What does it mean to “medically need” surrogacy, and how do you know if you are subject to this requirement?

You can always contact a surrogacy specialist at American Surrogacy for more information, but we’ve also provided some of the basic things you need to know about this topic below.

What Does “Medical Necessity” Mean?

Today, there are two states that require “medical necessity” in order for a surrogacy contract to be enforced: Louisiana and Utah. In both cases, these states’ surrogacy laws mandate that an intended mother must be medically proven to be unable to bear a child and cannot use another reproductive method to add a child to her family. However, these states do not go into more detail about exactly what this “medical necessity” might entail.

In Louisiana, a physician in obstetrics and gynecology and/or reproductive endocrinology must provide an affidavit that an intended mother’s medical condition requires a gestational surrogate. Utah requires the same kind of “medical evidence” in order to validate a gestational surrogacy agreement.

Fortunately, because there are no state regulations on exactly what this term means, all intended parents need in these states is to receive documentation from their doctor affirming their inability to safely and successfully have a child in any other way than gestational surrogacy. If you have further questions about obtaining this affidavit, speak to your fertility specialist and your local surrogacy attorney. They will help you meet this requirement before moving forward with your surrogacy journey.

5 Conditions that May Lead to Medical Necessity for Surrogacy

There are many reasons why an intended mother may be medically unable to carry a child to term. Infertility is a complicated thing, and every intended parent’s path with this challenge will be unique. However, there are a few common reasons why gestational surrogacy may be deemed “medically necessary” for an intended mother.

Unexplained Infertility

In some ways, this can be the hardest path for intended parents. About 1 in 8 American couples struggle with infertility at some point and, for some intended parents, their infertility issues go unexplained. Infertility is usually described as failure to conceive after having unprotected sex for 12 months. Intended parents in this situation are encouraged to see a medical professional, who may suggest fertility treatments. If those treatments fail, gestational surrogacy may be that couple’s only option.

Lack of a Uterus or Vagina

Some women are born without a uterus, while other women undergo hysterectomies early in life to treat conditions like endometriosis. Other times, women have congenital malformations, which can include the absence of a vagina — making traditional conception and delivery impossible. For these women, gestational surrogacy is the only way they can have a genetically related child carried to term.

Scarring on the Uterus

In other cases, women with otherwise healthy uteruses find they cannot conceive or carry a child to term because of extensive uterine scarring. This scarring can be caused by fibroids, a past surgery and scar tissue. Uterine scarring makes it difficult for an embryo to implant and receive the nutrients it needs while it grows. A gestational surrogate’s healthy uterus can often provide a more welcoming environment during this crucial stage.

Complicated Previous Pregnancies and/or Miscarriages

Some intended parents have been able to conceive and carry previous pregnancies — but many of them have either experienced miscarriages or other complications along the way. For intended mothers who already have one child, secondary infertility may be the reasoning behind choosing gestational surrogacy. Usually, a woman’s obstetrician will inform her of the dangers of another pregnancy and may suggest surrogacy instead.

Existing Medical Conditions

Finally, some intended mothers must use gestational surrogates because of existing medical conditions that make pregnancy exceedingly dangerous for them. These conditions often include heart disease, kidney disease, or severe diabetes. Any previous pregnancy conditions (like preeclampsia and gestational diabetes) can also impact a woman’s ability to safely carry a child to term without putting her own life at risk. Usually, conditions like these are noted before pregnancy by a woman’s personal physician, although some may not appear until a woman has already become pregnant. This is why close care from an experienced obstetrician is so important for all women, including intended mothers and gestational surrogates.

What If You’re Experiencing Social Infertility?

Not all intended mothers and fathers have a “medically necessary” reason for choosing gestational surrogacy. For example, single gay and straight fathers may wish to have a child on their own, while gay male couples will need a surrogate to carry a child for them.

If you live in a state that requires “medical necessity” to pursue surrogacy, and you’re in one of these situations, know that you do have options. You can always match with a surrogate in another state where medical necessity is not required. You can also speak with a local surrogacy attorney and surrogacy professional to determine what paths are available for you in your home state if you wish to pursue gestational surrogacy.

Medical necessity doesn’t have to be a deal-breaker for intended parents considering surrogacy. If you wish to have a child through this family-building method, there are options. To learn more about them, please call our agency at 1-800-875-BABY(2229).

Carrying for Two Couples at Once: Is it Possible?

Oftentimes, the women who wish to become surrogates are the most selfless, generous women out there. If you’re one of them, you’re probably excited at the opportunity to help intended parents reach their parenthood dreams — dreams they’ve been waiting for years to finally come true.

In an effort to help as many people as possible, you may even wonder, “When being a surrogate, can you have two different couples’ embryos implanted?”

This is a great question to ask, and it shows your desire to assist as many intended parents as possible. However, the answer to this question is always no. Whether you work with a surrogacy professional like American Surrogacy or complete an independent surrogacy, you can only work with one intended parent or couple at a time — for the safety and best interest of all involved.

Why You Can Only Complete One Surrogacy Journey at a Time

If you’re asking, “When being a surrogate, can you have two different couples’ embryos implanted?” you probably have another question when you find out the answer to the previous one: “Why not?”

Surrogacy is a very complicated process — emotionally, physically and mentally. It can be challenging enough to have a successful pregnancy and surrogacy process with one intended parent or couple of intended parents. Bringing another couple into the mix, even hypothetically, can severely compromise the safety of each party and the success of the overall surrogacy journey.

There are a lot of steps required to complete a single surrogacy journey at a time, including:

Screening and background assessments for both parties
Medical and psychological testing for each party
Finalized legal contract (with separate attorneys)
Establishment of the intended parents’ parental rights
Negotiation of surrogate compensation
And more

All of these steps often add up to a surrogacy journey of a year or more. Thinking about adding another couple to the mix? This will not only increase that overall time but also complicate every other step involved in the process. Not only will the preferences and goals of the surrogate have to be considered but the two separate sets of intended parents’, as well!

Every person pursuing surrogacy has different hopes and goals for their surrogacy journey; including two sets of intended parents in one surrogacy journey is logistically impossible.

The Medical Dangers to the Surrogate

You may think, “But my intended parents and I can handle those challenges. Why can’t I carry two children at once and help as many people as possible become parents?”

Completing a surrogacy with more than one set of intended parents isn’t just complicated — it’s much more dangerous for a surrogate like you.

In modern surrogacy (and in vitro fertilization), fertility specialists highly recommend only transferring one embryo to a woman’s uterus. While medical professionals used to transfer as many embryos as possible to ensure success, better screening and preparation allows professionals today to implant only the highest-quality embryo into a woman’s uterus. There’s a big reason for this: Carrying multiples has been proven to cause many more risks for a woman and is strongly advised against.

Carrying more than one child leads to an increased likelihood of:

Preterm labor and delivery
Low birth weight
Gestational diabetes
Preeclampsia
Placental abruption
Fetal death
Cesarean section
And more

Therefore, carrying two children for the same couple comes with enough risk as it is. If you carry two children for separate couples, you not only take on these risks but also the complication of two different sets of parents having different priorities when it comes to medical treatment.

Don’t Worry — You Can Be a Surrogate More Than Once

If you’re asking, “When being a surrogate, can you have two different couples’ embryos implanted?” we encourage you to do some more research about the surrogacy journey and what it will require of you. This path may seem easier at first glance, but it’s not only more difficult and riskier — but also impossible. You can quickly run into legal and medical trouble if you try to work with more than one intended parent couple at a time.

Fortunately, you can certainly be a surrogate more than once. As long as you remain healthy and meet the requirements to be a surrogate, you can help many intended parents add to their family and reach their parenthood goals. At American Surrogacy, you can be a surrogate as long as you have had no more than five vaginal births and no more than three Cesarean births. This means you can be a surrogate multiple times — just like other women have been!

For more information about becoming a surrogate and finding intended parents to work with, please contact our surrogacy specialists at 1-800-875-BABY(2229) today.

Join Us in Honoring Those Lost Too Soon: Pregnancy, Infant Loss and Miscarriage Month

While Oct. 15 may be Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, those who have suffered the loss of a pregnancy or baby take time throughout the entire month of October to remember their lost children and to spread awareness.

Many hopeful parents who turn to American Surrogacy have experienced a miscarriage or infant loss prior to pursuing surrogacy. All of us at American Surrogacy offer our support to those who are remembering a lost pregnancy or infant this month. Remember, your surrogacy specialist is always there for you. She is also happy to connect you with an infertility counselor, should you need a little extra support during this time of the year.

However, one of the best ways to help others during this month is to educate yourself and to spread your new knowledge. There may be a lot about Pregnancy and Infant Loss Month that you don’t know about. Here’s your chance to learn and share:

Who Observes Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day?

The United States, Canada, the United Kingdom, Australia, Wales, Norway, Kenya and Italy all honor lost pregnancies and babies on Oct. 15. The day culminates in the Lights of Love International Wave of Light, where candles are lit for an hour in remembrance at 7 p.m. local time across the globe.

Anyone who has ever felt the pain of a lost pregnancy from miscarriage, or the loss of an infant due to illness, stillbirth, SIDS and more spend the month of October honoring that loss. Parents and families of the children who have passed away are those who most commonly observe this month, but their cause is often shared among friends and loved ones.

How Many People Are Affected by Miscarriages or Infant Deaths?

The number of people who have experienced the loss of a pregnancy or baby may come as a surprise to you. If you yourself have never experienced this, then it’s likely that at least one person in your life has, whether you know it or not. Even if you think you’ve never been affected by this kind of tragedy, someone close to you probably has.

Here are some of the statistics behind pregnancy and infant loss:

An estimated 15 to 20 percent of confirmed pregnancies will end in miscarriage.
In 2016, there were 23,161 infant deaths in the U.S.
The global infant mortality rate has dramatically decreased from 1990 to 2016, going from about 64.8 deaths per 1,000 live births, to 30.5 deaths per 1,000 live births.
The top three leading causes of death for infants in the U.S. are chromosomal abnormalities and various types of congenital malformations, low birth weight or premature birth-related problems, and SIDS.
Most infant deaths in the United States occur within the first 27 days of life.
A lack of health care access is one of the highest contributors to infant death, so poorer rural areas are most affected, most commonly among minority ethnic groups.
Mississippi is the U.S. state with the highest infant mortality rate, while New Hampshire has the lowest rate.

Ways You Can Participate in Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

Whether you’re a grieving parent or you simply want to show your support to those who have been affected by pregnancy and infant loss, there are several ways you can take part in Pregnancy, Infant Loss and Miscarriage Month:

Spread awareness and share stories through social media using the hashtag #PregnancyAndInfantLossRemembranceDay.
Join or organize a local gathering for the Lights of Love International Wave of Light and use the hashtag #WaveOfLight.
Do something kind for someone who is grieving, like making them a meal or offering to listen or babysit their older children so they can have a night out.
Join a pregnancy or infant loss support group, either online or in your area.
Wear the pink and blue ribbons that signify Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day to raise awareness.
Contact your representatives about initiatives that can improve maternity and infant healthcare access and education, so that those who are most at-risk (mothers in the first trimester and babies in their first year of life) have better access to life-saving medical care.
Share simple pregnancy and baby care information (about preventing SIDS, prenatal health, etc.) through social media to reach mothers who might not otherwise have access to reliable and accurate healthcare information.
Offer your support, and never judge anyone who has lost a child for any reason.

Tragically, even with the best medical care, children can leave us just as soon as they come into our lives. A parent’s grief can last a long time, even if their child’s life was a short one. But your stories and shared experiences may help others who are going through similar emotions. It’s important to remember that you’re not alone.

There are many people who are remembering lost pregnancies and babies this October. American Surrogacy joins those who are hurting in honoring those who were gone too soon, and we offer our condolences.

What are you doing this October to help raise awareness about Pregnancy and Infant Loss Month? Let us know in the comments below.

Helpful Tips for Managing a Relationship with Intended Parents

For most surrogates, the relationship with intended parents is a source of mutual support and positivity. You are each other’s partners in this exciting event! But sometimes, like in all relationships, there are some difficulties to navigate.

Here are a few scenarios you might have encountered with even the best intended parents, and how you can have a stronger relationship with your intended parents:

How to Handle Well-Meaning But Overbearing Parents

Most intended parents have waited for years to have a child, potentially struggling with infertility, miscarriages and disappointments. When so much of the surrogacy process is out of their control, some parents try to control anything that they can in an effort to feel less helpless. This may mean that they overstep personal boundaries, pepper you with lots of questions and concerns, or even try to micromanage how you care for your pregnancy.

Feeling like your intended parents are overreaching or smothering you can be frustrating. But, consider why they might be responding to the emotions of surrogacy this way, and try to stay patient. There are lots of reasons why your intended parents might be a little overbearing:

They may have never experienced pregnancy before.
They want their baby to be as healthy and safe as possible.
They may feel indebted to you and want to make sure that you’re well.
Their excitement for their baby is showing itself as nervous energy.

But “helicopter” parents can still be distracting and demanding for you. Try to set clear boundaries, and let them know that you have everything well in hand. Set a schedule for when you’ll update them and stick to that schedule. Showing them that you’re consistent may help them relax and put more trust in you.

Still feel like the parents are putting too much pressure on you? Reach out to your surrogacy specialist for advice. They can always talk to your intended parents about respecting your space and decisions.

How to Handle Distant Parents

There are a number of ways you can feel distant from your intended parents during your surrogacy journey:

They’re not communicating consistently with you and you’re feeling left adrift.
You’re struggling with physical distance in a long-distance surrogacy match.
You’re feeling disconnected from your intended parents because they don’t seem as excited as you.

Sometimes intended parents’ hopes for a child have been crushed before through miscarriages or failed IVF, so they may keep you at arm’s length to emotionally distance themselves in case embryo transfers don’t work, there’s a pregnancy complication, or something else unexpected happens. They may be afraid to hope for the best, so they come across as distant or unengaged.

Being clear and honest about your needs in the surrogacy partnership can help. It can also help to keep checking in with pregnancy updates and expressing your excitement for them. They may relax and feel more engaged as your pregnancy progresses. If you and your intended parents live far apart, try video chatting. Asking about the nursery they’re preparing or telling them about their baby’s movements can help you feel connected, even if you’re far apart.

5 Things That Can Help

In many ways, you’re the expert here! Your intended parents have likely never given birth themselves. You’re the one who understands your pregnancies and knows what to expect. You’re the main player from the moment you become pregnant until the time you deliver their baby.

This means that you’re also the one who will be best at easing the minds of your intended parents. If you think your intended parents are feeling anxious and it’s affecting your relationship with them, these tips can help them (and you) to stay sane throughout your pregnancy:

Be honest with them about what you need. Do you need them to give you some space, or do you need a little more feedback from them? Do you have any concerns or need them to be more supportive of you? Let them know!
Set a consistent schedule for pregnancy updates. Your surrogacy specialist can help you with this. Decide how you want to communicate updates to the parents, and then let them know when they can expect to hear from you. This can give them something to look forward to and prevent them from asking you for constant updates.
Offer to share some of the little things. They might find some comfort in hearing about your pregnancy experience. When does their baby kick the most? What kind of foods does he or she seem to react to? How are you feeling? Many intended parents are interested in getting to know their child, even during pregnancy, so offer to share details.
Keep your promises. If you told the parents that you’d send them an ultrasound on a certain day, be sure to follow through. Staying consistent with what you promise can help them feel more at ease, so they might put less pressure on you. Don’t break their trust with small things like forgetting to send them a scheduled update.
Be gentle but firm about your boundaries. Remember that intended parents don’t have much control at this stage, and remember how that might feel. That being said, it’s OK to be clear and firm about things you feel strongly about. Feel like the parents are overstepping themselves, or like they’re not hearing your wishes? You are all equal partners in this surrogacy journey, so let them know what you’re uncomfortable with and what’s important to you.

Don’t forget that your surrogacy specialist is a great resource for advice. A big part of their job is to help manage the relationships between surrogates and intended parents, so let them know if you need some help.

For more details on how your specialist can help you manage your surrogacy relationship, please call 1-800-875-BABY(2229).

Q&A with Surrogacy Director Angie: What She Wants You To Know

At American Surrogacy, we treasure the connections our staff builds with our clients. Perhaps no staff member works harder than Angie Newkirk, the director of our surrogacy program.

To help intended parents and prospective surrogates interested in this family-building process, Angie sat down to answer some questions about surrogacy, our program and more.

Q: What is one thing that people always get wrong about surrogacy?

A: I think the biggest thing people get wrong about surrogacy is that it is the surrogate’s child. I know I used to make that mistake all of the time before I educated myself.

All the time I hear from people “Isn’t it so hard for her to give the child away?” But, the surrogate is not related to the child at all and this makes it easier for her to place the child in his or her parents’ arms.

A surrogate has no intention of keeping another person’s child for her own. She already has her own children who she loves very much. Surrogates love being pregnant, but most of them have completed their family so they would love the opportunity to help someone else. I hear all of the time when the surrogate is at the hospital how happy she is that she can focus on healing and does not have to care for the newborn!

Q: What would you want prospective surrogates to know before starting?

A: Oh my gosh — so much! I want them to know that this is a different way of getting pregnant so there is a lot of work that goes into it and there is a reason why compensation is involved. There are shots and appointments and blood draws. Surrogacy is truly for women who want to help someone build their family, have a giving heart and really enjoyed being pregnant.

Q: What about hopeful intended parents?

A: This is a marathon, not a sprint. This is a lengthy process that takes time. It takes time to create embryos, to find a surrogate you connect with, to medically screen her, legal contracts, and more.

Q: What are the most common questions you get from those interested in surrogacy?

A: What are the costs? Why is it so expensive? Is it hard for surrogates to give up that baby?

What do I need to do to get started? I know someone who wants to be our surrogate.

Fortunately, there are articles all over our website that address these questions, and I’m always happy to answer any other questions that you may have!

Q: What has been your most memorable moment with American Surrogacy?

A: There have been so many of them; it is hard to pick one.

I can think about all the firsts, such as the first surrogate I met in-person at her home, the first time I matched potential clients, and my first ethics conference to learn about this wonderful field of assisted reproduction.

But I would say my most memorable would be my first local match where the family had lost a baby at 20 weeks the year prior. The surrogate and the intended parents shared the cost of a professional photographer and captured the most beautiful, raw picture of the intended mother seeing her healthy baby delivered. The look on her face helped me to truly understand what I do and how this option of building families is just as amazing as adoption or any other method.

Q: What would you want people to know about American Surrogacy?

A: The American Surrogacy family has been around for a long time! Our history of family planning comes from adoption, and our enthusiasm evolved through time to an overall family-building passion. We have learned there are many different ways to build a family, and we want to be able to use our years of knowledge to figure out the best route for our clients.

Q: Why should people consider surrogacy as a family-building path?

A: Surrogacy is not for everyone. It can be a long process and an expensive one due to the medical costs. But, there are a few reasons people choose it over adoption. Actually, with my history in adoption, it’s been interesting to compare the two.

Surrogacy allows for more control with the intended parents. They control who carries their baby, they are able to outline any “do”s and “don’t”s during pregnancy that they feel passionate about, and they are able to be there for the entire pregnancy and birth. In most states, the baby is theirs from the moment he or she is born so there are not a lot of legal complications afterwards. They are able to leave the hospital and go straight home.

For more information about surrogacy or to take with director Angie directly, you can call 1-800-875-BABY(2229) or contact our agency online.

Choosing Between Egg Donation and Surrogacy: What’s Right for You?

Are you considering using an egg donor or a surrogate to help you become a parent? It’s a complicated decision to make, which is why it’s so important that every intended parent in this situation fully understand both of their options before moving forward. Only then can you choose the path that is truly the best one for your family.

This article will help you better understand the differences between egg donation and surrogacy, and what situations might call for working with one or the other (or both). You can always contact our surrogacy specialists for more information about what the gestational surrogacy process will look like for you.

What is Egg Donation?

Egg donors are carefully screened women who are willing to share information about themselves with intended parents — and eventually share genetic material, as well. Egg donors are healthy, often educated and have no family history of genetic conditions. Some intended parents like to choose an egg donor who has particular personality traits or physical characteristics that they wish to see in a child.

An egg donor would provide half of a child’s genetics, so most intended parents choose their egg donor carefully through a trusted fertility clinic or donor agency. Sometimes intended parents choose someone that they know to be their egg donor, like a friend or family member.

Viable eggs are surgically collected from a donor. Then, they can be fertilized in a lab through in vitro fertilization (IVF) using sperm from either a donor or an intended father. Next, the resulting embryo is transferred to the uterus of either a surrogate or an intended mother to carry.

Who Might Consider Using an Egg Donor?

There are several people who might choose to build their family through an egg donation:

A woman who is unable to produce viable eggs but who has sperm from an intended father or a donor, and is physically able to carry the pregnancy to term herself.
A same-sex male couple who is working with a gestational surrogate to carry their baby.
A single man who is working with a gestational surrogate to carry his baby.

In many situations, an egg donor is used in tandem with a surrogate. Typically, the only situation in which someone would exclusively use an egg donor and not a surrogate is when the intended mother’s eggs are not viable, but she is able to carry a baby safely to term.

In those instances, an embryo would be created in a lab through IVF using the donor egg and sperm from either the intended father or from a donor, and then the embryo would be transferred to the intended mother’s uterus.

In most situations, however, the created embryo is transferred to a gestational surrogate.

What is Surrogacy?

Surrogates are carefully screened women who are able to carry a pregnancy to term and safely give birth. Intended parents partner with surrogates they trust through surrogacy agencies, or with a woman they already know who has offered to carry the child. Intended parents and surrogates communicate directly and typically form a relationship throughout the process.

In gestational surrogacy, the surrogate’s eggs are not used, so she would not be related to the child she carries for the intended parents.

Instead, an embryo is transferred to the uterus of a gestational surrogate for her to carry to term. That embryo can be created in a lab through IVF using donated eggs and/or sperm, egg and/or sperm from intended parents, or a combination of a donor and an intended parent.

Who Might Consider Using a Surrogate?

Anyone who is unable to safely carry or deliver a child themselves for any reason will likely use a surrogate. However, the people who most commonly work with a surrogate include:

A woman who is unable to carry a pregnancy herself but has viable eggs to use.
A same-sex male couple who are using a donor egg.
A single man who is using a donor egg.

Often, egg and/or sperm donors are used in tandem with a surrogate. Heterosexual couples who have viable eggs and sperm will usually not need to work with an egg or sperm donor and will only work with a surrogate.

Most Intended Parents Will Work with Both

In most situations, donors (for sperm, an egg or both) and surrogates are both needed to help the intended parent(s) have a child. However, there are a couple situations in which you could choose to work with only an egg donor or only a surrogate:

If you’re a heterosexual couple with viable eggs and sperm, then you likely won’t need to use a donor.
If you’re a woman who is able to safely and successfully carry a pregnancy to term, then you likely won’t need to use a surrogate.

In almost every other situation, you’ll need to work with a donor (either for an egg or sperm) as well as a surrogate.

Need help finding the right egg and/or sperm donors? We can refer you to trusted fertility clinics to help you find the right donor.

Need help finding the right surrogate? We can help you match with surrogates who fit what you’re looking for.

Want to learn more about surrogacy in general? Contact us online or call 1-800-875-2229 to learn more about our services and how we can help you on your journey to parenthood.

Do Surrogacy Agencies Work with Single Parents?

Most surrogacy agencies today are happy to work with single parents, and American Surrogacy is one of those agencies. We work with single men and women, as well as married couples — both heterosexual and same-sex. If your dream is to become a parent, we can help get there, regardless of your marital status.

Here’s a basic overview of how single parent surrogacy works, and what you can expect during the process:

Completing the Screening Process

When working with a surrogacy agency that accepts single mothers and fathers, like American Surrogacy, the screening process for individuals is the same as it is for couples. Here’s a glimpse of what that process is like:

You’ll be required to undergo a series of background checks.
You’ll complete a home assessment with a social worker to ensure that your house is safe for a baby.
You’ll submit financial documentation, health records and more to verify that you’re financially, physically and emotionally prepared to meet the demands of a baby.
And more

All intended parents, including single parents, are carefully screened so that we know you’ll be able to provide a safe, stable and loving environment for a child. Likewise, surrogates are thoroughly screened to make sure that they’re physically and emotionally ready for the surrogacy process, as well.

Matching with a Surrogate

After you’ve been approved to work with a surrogacy agency that accepts single mothers and fathers by completing the screening process, you’ll begin the process of finding the right surrogate. With American Surrogacy, that process looks like this:

You’ll complete a Surrogacy Planning Questionnaire (SPQ) that helps us understand what you’re looking for in a gestational carrier.
We’ll help you create an intended parent profile, which our surrogates can view.
You’ll also view profiles of our surrogates who we think best match what you’re looking for.
Once you’ve been matched with your surrogate, we’ll guide you both throughout the entire process and help you get to know one another.

We’ll help you connect with a surrogate who is excited to help you complete your family as a single parent.

Creating an Embryo

As a single intended parent, you will find this step is a little different than it is for many heterosexual couples or same-sex couples.

While most heterosexual couples pursuing surrogacy will create an embryo in a lab using in vitro fertilization (IVF) with their own egg and sperm, donated eggs or sperm are usually required to create an embryo when you’re completing the single parent surrogacy process.

Single men will typically use a donated egg, which will be fertilized with their own sperm. Single women will usually use their own egg, which will be fertilized with donor sperm.

Using an egg or sperm donor is one of the few extra steps that single parents and same-sex couples will usually need to complete when pursuing surrogacy. In almost every other way, the process remains the same for all intended parents.

What You Should Know About Single Parent Surrogacy

There are a few key differences in completing the surrogacy process as a single parent, and we always want to talk through the challenges and benefits of being a single parent before you undertake the surrogacy process.

Children who are raised by single parents are just as loved as those in two-parent homes. However, having a child via surrogacy as a single intended parent includes some challenges and benefits that you should consider, such as:

You will have the ability to have a biological child, regardless of whether or not you’re in a relationship.
Single parent surrogacy may be easier than adoption, as many birth mothers prefer a two-parent home for their baby.
Raising a child as a single parent is increasingly common, and the stigmas surrounding single parenthood are decreasing.
The financial costs of surrogacy and raising your child on one salary are often difficult to manage.
The time and physical, mental and emotional energy you’ll need to nurture a child on your own is intense, and you’ll need a highly committed support system of friends or family.

Solo parenthood is not for the faint of heart, but many people are successful parents on their own. While the surrogacy process for single men and women is the same as it is for married couples, raising a child will be a different experience for individuals than for people with a partner. Ultimately, you’re the only one who can decide if single parent surrogacy is right for you.

We can help you become a parent as a single man or woman if you do decide that pursuing surrogacy as a single parent is how you want to have a family. Contact us online or call us at 1-800-875-2229 to learn more about how to become a parent on your own through surrogacy, or to begin your surrogacy process now.