afm | American Surrogacy Blog

5 Gift Ideas for Surrogates from Intended Parents

Surrogacy creates unique, strong and loving partnerships between intended parents and their surrogate. After all, their surrogate is someone who is generously and selflessly giving her time, body and energy to help them reach their parenthood dreams. It’s only natural that they want to make her feel appreciated for her efforts — which is why many intended parents ask, “Can we get our surrogate a gift?”

The answer is yes! It’s common for intended parents to gift their surrogate something upon the delivery of their child, just as she is giving them a perfect, healthy child. A gift can be a wonderful way to show appreciation and further express to a surrogate just how much she means to the intended parents.

But, there are a few things to keep in mind while selecting a gift for a surrogate. Perhaps the most important is surrogate compensation laws. Many states have regulations on what kind of compensation a surrogate receives for her services, and gifts can be counted among this “compensation,” even if they are worth more emotionally than financially.

Before giving a gift to your surrogate, reach out to your surrogacy specialist. She can explain which gifts are appropriate in your situation and even help you pick out one that best expresses your feelings. For more information about this topic, feel free to call 1-800-875-BABY(2229).

Below, you’ll find a few ideas to help you find the best gift for your surrogate.

1. Something for Her Pregnancy Journey

Not all surrogacy gifts have to come after the baby is delivered. In fact, showing your surrogate your appreciation while she is still pregnant will mean a lot to her. Once you have approval from your surrogacy specialist to do so, don’t be afraid to send your surrogate treats to make her pregnancy a little better. Consider things like spa kits, meal delivery services, movie tickets for a night out and more. She is expending a lot of energy while she grows your little baby, so give her the chance to take some time off and look after herself for a little bit.

2. Something Handmade

Many intended parents with to give their surrogate a gift after the baby is born, and this can be a great time to do so. Remember, your surrogate is likely receiving surrogate compensation already, so giving money or other kind of financial gifts is often not necessary — and may even go against your state’s surrogacy laws and your personal surrogacy contract. To avoid these complications, you can gift her something a bit more special.

Consider a handmade gift for your surrogate, like a painting, a blanket or some yummy treats to enjoy. The effort that you put into making these kinds of gifts will often mean much more than anything you could have bought her, which makes them the perfect gift for intended parents to pass along to their surrogate.

3. Something for Post-Delivery Recovery

Childbirth is a massive endeavor, and your surrogate will likely need weeks to recover from her experience. Therefore, even after the surrogacy process is finished, she will continue sacrificing her time and body to making your parenthood dreams come true.

You can make her recovery process a little easier with a gift that helps her heal and relax from her delivery process. You might create a personalized spa basket, with lotions, bath bombs and more to help her unwind from the stress of delivery and getting back to her everyday responsibilities.

4. Something for Her Family

Your surrogate isn’t the only one who has been giving up time and energy for your surrogacy; her family will have been doing so, as well. They may have had to postpone family vacations, give up some normal everyday activities and more to keep her safe and healthy during her pregnancy.

So, when you’re giving your surrogate a post-delivery gift, don’t forget about her family, too. Perhaps get small gifts (like stuffed animals or toys) for young children and put together a “date night in a basket” gift for herself and her spouse. If your surrogacy specialist allows it, you might even consider creating a gift like a day at the zoo for the whole family to enjoy once your surrogate has recovered.

5. Something to Commemorate the Journey

Remember that surrogacy is a life-changing journey that your surrogate will remember for years to come. Many intended parents choose to celebrate that journey and their new friendship with a gift commemorating this experience. You may give her a copy of the surrogacy memory book you’ve created for your child, a beautiful framed photo of you all, or a simple necklace or figurine representing motherhood and friendship. These can be some of the most beautiful gifts that surrogates receive and ones she will treasure forever.

—

Remember, whatever you decide to give your surrogate should always be up to you and always come from the heart. You do not need to get a surrogate something from every category above; talk with your surrogacy specialist to find out what she recommends and what is best in your situation before buying anything for your surrogate.

5 Resources Everyone Needs for Their Surrogacy

Surrogacy can be a complicated family-building journey — which is why neither intended parents nor surrogates should go through the process alone. But, how do you know which resources you need to have as successful a surrogacy journey as possible?

Ultimately, the decision of who and what to include in your surrogacy will be up to you. It’s a good idea to do as much research as possible before starting this journey to give yourself the best place to start from. Below, you’ll find a few important resources that we recommend — no matter where you are at in your surrogacy process.

1. Informational Websites

There is a wealth of information available online for prospective surrogates and intended parents. Whether you choose to read surrogacy agency websites, objective and informational sources like Surrogate.com, or forums and support groups filled with other surrogates and parents, the information you find on these sites can be invaluable. It can give you a better understanding of exactly what surrogacy entails before you begin this life-changing journey.

Keep in mind, not all of the information that you find online is true. That’s why it’s so important to have a wealth of resources to turn to when making your surrogacy decision — to ensure you are moving forward properly comprehending the steps ahead.

2. Surrogacy Professionals

Where informational websites may fail or be unclear, surrogacy professionals can help. Every intended parent and surrogate will need to work with a surrogacy attorney during their journey, and many choose to work with a surrogacy specialist through an agency, as well.

These professionals can offer the best education and information about the surrogacy process as it relates to your situation. They can answer your personal questions and suggest the best individual path for you and your family. You must work with a surrogacy professional during your surrogacy process; otherwise, you open yourself up to legal and practical risks and complications.

3. Medical Professionals

Another important resource for both surrogates and intended parents is a medical professional, including a fertility specialist and an obstetrician. These professionals will guide both parties through the complicated medical process of surrogacy, such as screening, embryo transfer, prenatal care and childbirth.

A surrogate pregnancy is very different from a naturally conceived pregnancy, and working with a medical professional experienced in this process is crucial. Because every body and medical situation is different, personalized attention from this medical resource keeps all parties in the process safe.

All intended parents should speak at length with a fertility specialist before deciding surrogacy is right for them. Likewise, all surrogates should be screened by a surrogacy medical professional to ensure they are medically capable of this unique journey before moving forward.

4. Support System of Friends and Family

Surrogacy demands a great deal from intended parents and surrogates. Many participants in this process find that a support system of trusted friends and family members is crucial to surviving this period. Friends and family can help watch older children, complete housework and even provide a shoulder to lean on during this practically and emotionally demanding time.

While your friends and family may not know a lot about surrogacy, they can be a valuable resource during times when you want a break from the demands of the process. Your spouse shouldn’t be the only one that you turn to; cultivate relationships with a few other trusted people to get the support that you need during this time.

5. Strong Surrogacy Partner

Although your spouse shouldn’t be the only one who supports you during this surrogacy process, they often play a huge role as they take this journey with you. A supportive, understanding spouse is a great resource during your surrogacy. Whether you are an intended parent or a prospective surrogate, your spouse will take this journey with you, and they should be involved from the beginning to the end of the process.

Before you even consider surrogacy, make sure your spouse is on the same page as you. Starting this journey as a united team will go a long way to ensuring as positive a surrogacy journey as possible. A surrogacy specialist or infertility counselor can help you reach an agreement and provide the building blocks for moving forward together.

Looking for more surrogacy information and more surrogacy resources? Please reach out to our surrogacy specialists at 1-800-875-BABY(2229)for answers to your questions and to start your surrogacy journey today.

7 Things Television Gets Wrong About Surrogacy

Surrogacy is ever-growing in its popularity as a family-building process. But, as surrogacy becomes more popular in people’s lives, it also becomes a more popular process to represent onscreen. However, the surrogacy we see on TV and in the movies is often far-removed from the reality of the surrogacy process.

Unfortunately, natural conception is still seen as the de facto way to add a child to one’s family — which means processes like surrogacy, IVF and adoption continue to be represented as unique and “exotic” ways to build a family. When done correctly, using surrogacy as a plot point can be a beautiful story; when done incorrectly (as it frequently is), it perpetuates negative stereotypes and incorrect information about this journey.

Here are just a few incorrect ideas about surrogacy that we’ve seen in pop culture. What are some you’d want to add?

That Surrogates Can Get Pregnant with Their Own Children

Surrogacy is a medical process that is strictly regulated by medical professionals. Even those who pursue traditional surrogacy (in which a surrogate uses her eggs in the process) complete their fertilization and embryo transfer in a laboratory. During this process, a surrogate signs an agreement to refrain from sexual intercourse to avoid pregnancy. She also takes birth control pills up until the embryo transfer to control her cycle and further prevent pregnancy.

That level of detail isn’t explained on television. In the movie “Baby Mama,” we see a surrogate’s embryo transfer process fail. Instead of telling the intended mother, she attempts to feign pregnancy until she receives compensation (more on that below). She eventually discovers she is pregnant — but by her common-law husband instead. Because she did not follow medical protocol, she got pregnant during her fertility treatments ahead of her embryo transfer.

Know this: Surrogates are bound by contract to follow medical protocol exactly, eliminating the chance of an accidental pregnancy like this.

That Anyone Can Be a Surrogate

Often, when hopeful parents on TV find out they cannot conceive, a helpful friend or family member offers to carry their baby for them. While this is a well-meaning and beautiful gesture, it also sends the wrong message about surrogates.

Surrogates must meet certain standards to pursue this process — most notable being that they have already given birth to one child. So, when Rory Gilmore jokes about becoming a surrogate for her friend’s agency in “Gilmore Girls,” it perpetuates harmful stereotypes, as she herself has never been pregnant or had a baby before.

In the recent revival of “Roseanne,” daughter Becky lies about her age and is still able to start the surrogacy process. She goes through no formal doctor’s visits or assessments. This is entirely inaccurate; Becky would have never made it past the first assessment to become a surrogate. Similarly, the surrogate in “Baby Mama” had never had a child before — which means she would have been ineligible to become a surrogate in reality.

That Surrogates are “Ranked” from Best to Worst

In “Gilmore Girls,” Rory’s friend Paris runs a surrogacy agency — with a great degree of callousness and misinformation. As Rory’s mother and stepfather approach the agency about surrogacy, Paris brings out a different binder of women for them to choose from, saying, “Give me that. [Those are] Bargain basement breeders. I’m not letting any of those bottle-service bimbos carry your baby. No, for you, I pull out the prime meat.”

There are so many things wrong with this scene, especially Paris’s treatment of the surrogates with her agency. All women who are cleared by surrogacy agencies are medically approved to be surrogates and carry a child; there are no “better” or “worse” surrogates. Instead, the best match is based on the connection between the surrogate and the intended parents.

The total dehumanization of surrogates in this scene is a prime example of why people still hold reservations about the ethics of surrogacy today. In reality, surrogacy agencies should treat their surrogates with respect and care every step of the way — something American Surrogacy takes very seriously.

That Traditional Surrogacy is Common

Traditional surrogacy is both rare and risky for intended parents and surrogates. Therefore, it tends to make for good TV — even when it’s not at all a good representation of the process.

In “Roseanne,” prospective surrogate Becky enters into traditional surrogacy (even though she would never be approved at the age of 41 to use her own eggs in the process). In “Gilmore Girls,” the director of the surrogacy agency makes comments about choosing the best surrogate because if they don’t, their child could wind up with a career at McDonald’s.

Both of these representations are truly incorrect when it comes to the reality of surrogacy. The vast majority of surrogates today are gestational, meaning the intended mother’s or a donor’s egg is used during the embryo transfer process. Therefore, a surrogate is not related to and does not pass on her genetics to the baby she carries. Surrogacy agencies today do not complete traditional surrogacies due to the risk and danger of entering into this process.

That Surrogates Do It for the Money

In both “Roseanne” and “Baby Mama,” the surrogates make one thing clear: they are only in it for the money. Unfortunately, this perpetuates perhaps the most harmful stereotype about surrogacy there is.

Any woman who is only it in for the money will not be approved by a surrogacy agency. Surrogates cannot be on government aid at the time of their journey, and the funds they receive from their surrogacy are not enough to make them rich. In fact, a surrogate must be comfortable with the fact that the risks she is incurring (loss of reproductive ability and even life) are not in any way made up for by the compensation she is receiving.

A surrogate is not “selling” her body; she is being compensated for the services she willingly provides out of an altruistic desire to help another.

That Surrogacy is Something Decided on a Whim

In “Gilmore Girls,” Luke and Lorelei briefly talk about adoption before setting up a meeting with a surrogacy agency. However, Luke is not involved in the talk about surrogacy at all beforehand. It’s critically important that each party is comfortable with the idea of surrogacy before moving forward — so the confusion and discomfort that Luke feels in the agency office doesn’t occur.

Surrogacy isn’t just something that intended parents decide to do on a whim. It’s a process that requires a great deal of financial, emotional and physical commitment before moving forward. Both parties must always be committed and plans must always be made for the requirements of the process before any actions are set into motion.

That Surrogacy is a Scary, Dramatic Process

When surrogacy is a plot point in TV and the movies, it often revolves around something going terribly wrong, even when it all works out in the end. This is a vast misrepresentation of the surrogacy process. As long as you are working with accredited organizations and proper legal guidance, your surrogacy will proceed safely, legally and efficiently.

To learn more about what surrogacy is really like, we encourage you to contact our surrogacy specialists at 1-800-875-BABY(2229). They can answer all of your questions about surrogacy, describe the reality of the surrogacy process and, when you’re ready, help you get started. Surrogacy is a safe and beautiful process, and American Surrogacy stands ready to help you through your journey from start to finish.

7 Ways to Share Your Journey as a Surrogate

Whether you’re just starting your surrogacy journey or you are in the midst of your surrogate pregnancy, your excitement to be a surrogate is likely something that you want to shout from the rooftops. More than ever before, surrogates today have great opportunities to spread awareness of and share their surrogacy story with friends, family and strangers — and you can do so, too.

So, how exactly can you share your surrogacy story? How do you know what to share and what not to share?

When in doubt, we encourage you to contact your surrogacy specialist at 1-800-875-BABY(2229) for guidance. But, to help get your thoughts going, we’ve offered a few suggestions below.

First: Check with Your Intended Parents

Before you decide to share any aspect of your surrogacy story, it’s important that you speak with your intended parents. They are just as much a part of your surrogacy story as you are, and you will need to make sure both parties are comfortable with what information will be shared with friends, family and strangers. Surrogacy is a very intimate partnership; some intended parents may be less likely than others to share their personal journey.

When you first start your surrogacy journey, ask your surrogacy specialist about mediating a conversation about social media and personal information. Your specialist can help you and your intended parents come to an agreement about the level of detail shared by each other. This is an important step in creating a respectful, solid relationship moving forward.

Before signing your surrogacy contract, make sure that this issue is properly addressed by all members of the surrogacy journey.

How to Share Your Surrogacy Story

Once you and the intended parents have decided what to and what not to share with other people, you can move forward with sharing your surrogacy story in the way that works best for you. Which steps you take can also play a part in documenting your surrogacy story for yourself for later.

As a surrogate, you are entering a role in which you have a responsibility to educate others about the surrogacy process. There is a lot of misconception out there about how surrogacy works and, by sharing your story, you can take the steps to help others understand the reality of the process.

Every surrogate is different, which means how you share your story will always be up to you. Here are a few suggestions if you’re wondering how to get the word out about your surrogacy experience:

Use social media.

While it does come with downsides, social media is by far the best way to communicate ideas to a large number of people. If you choose to share and document your surrogacy journey on your social media, you can let people into the intimate details of your surrogacy story — providing a better overall view of the surrogacy process from someone they know and trust.

Social media also provides an opportunity for people to easily ask questions about surrogacy — without having to go far to find the information they want. If you and your intended parents are comfortable doing so, don’t be afraid to share photos, videos, personal stories and more before, during and after your pregnancy.

As you are posting on social media, you can further connect with other intended parents, surrogates and surrogacy professionals by using hashtags. Use phrases like #surrogacy, #fertility, #infertility, #surrogates and more to share your story with an even wider audience.

Use a photo-sharing app.

Sometimes, surrogates and intended parents don’t want to share photos with everyone on the internet — and that’s okay. Instead, you can use secured methods of sharing photos, like Shutterfly or Dropbox or an app like 23snaps. This way, you can share the photos with only the people you want, whether that’s a wide range of family members and friends or just the intended parents. Uploading photos to these sites can also easily document your surrogacy journey and provide a way for you to look back on the experience later.

Join an online support group.

Odds are, before you became a surrogate, you participated in online support groups and forums to learn more about the realities of being a surrogate. Once you become a surrogate, take that chance to give back in the same way — by answering hopeful surrogates’ questions, chiming in on bigger issues and overall sharing your story for those who will most be interested in hearing it. As long as you keep the disadvantages of online support groups in mind, you can share and tell a great deal of helpful information on these kinds of sites.

Keep a blog — or volunteer a blog post.

If you like writing, creating a blog may be the best way for you to share your story. You can start whenever you want in your surrogacy journey, and your words will mean a lot to the women and parents who are considering the surrogacy process. If you don’t wish to maintain a constant blog, consider reaching out to a surrogacy website (American Surrogacy included) to share a blog post about a topic that is important to you.

Share your experiences in real life.

Just as you should be open to answering questions and educating people online, you should do the same in-person. Make sure your friends and family are aware of your surrogacy from early on, and don’t be afraid to bring up your recent experiences during your surrogacy process. Don’t wait until it’s too late; you don’t want to answer the awkward question of “Where is the baby?” after you give birth.

Create a surrogacy memory book.

There’s another important person with whom you may wish to share your surrogacy journey: the child you are giving birth to. To help them understand your surrogacy story down the line, you may work on a surrogacy memory book right now. This memory book can include photos from your pregnancy and delivery, letters you’ve written to the child, and more.

Before you work on this, make sure you speak with the intended parents to ensure their comfort in you doing this — and to see whether they wish to include any memories of their own!

Share your story with your surrogacy professional.

Finally, recognize that your surrogacy story can be incredibly helpful to intended parents and surrogates considering this journey. At American Surrogacy, we offer the opportunity for surrogates to tell their story as part of a testimonial. These stories have been instrumental for those considering surrogacy, and it’s a fairly easy process to complete. To learn more, we encourage you to contact your surrogacy specialist today.

Is Cord Blood Banking Right for You? What to Know About This Process

There are a lot of things to consider when it comes to your surrogate’s delivery plan. You and your surrogacy specialist will need to work with her, her chosen obstetrician and her hospital to determine what your plan looks like moving forward. In addition to deciding who will be present during the birth, what kind of delivery can be expected and where you as an intended parent will stay, there is another thing you may wish to consider: collecting and banking the cord blood after your surrogate’s delivery.

In most deliveries, a woman’s placenta, umbilical cord and all the blood within them are disposed of after birth. However, a growing number of women are choosing to take advantage of the benefits cord blood offers, both directly after birth and for years to come.

In this article, you’ll learn a little more about your options when it comes to this new trend. If you are interested in finding out more about this process, we encourage you to contact a professional organization like Americord or Viacord.

Why Collect Stem Cells and Blood from the Umbilical Cord and Placenta?

A woman’s umbilical cord and placenta contain important blood cells known as hematopoietic stem cells. These cells can transform into any type of blood cells and cellular blood components in our bodies, making them incredibly useful and full of possibilities for parents and children. Because of this, stem cells are vital in the development of all tissues, organs and systems in the body.

This transformative power holds many advantages; stem cells have been effective in treating certain diseases or conditions, whether in the child, their parent or their siblings. For example, cord blood stem cells have the ability to treat leukemia and other inherited health disorders with less chance of rejection by the body.

Those who choose to collect and store their baby’s cord blood have a form of insurance, should their child or another closely related family member fall ill. Today, approximately 2.6 percent of American births result in the storing of cord blood.

How to Collect Cord Blood During Your Surrogacy

Before you take any steps to collect and store blood from the umbilical cord and placenta, it’s critical that you speak with your surrogate about your plans. While the process of collecting is quick and non-invasive, you will need your surrogate’s permission to collect cells that have come from her own body — even if the cells are genetically related to your own child.

In general, the process of collecting cord blood takes about five minutes. A doctor will either use a syringe to draw blood from the umbilical cord just after it has been cut, or the umbilical cord will be elevated to drain the blood into the bag. Any collection of cord blog must be done during the 15 minutes following birth and will need to be processed within 48 hours — which is why it’s important that parents to make a decision far in advance of their surrogate’s birth.

After collection, the cord blood will be registered to the parents’ names and sent to a blood bank for storage. These facilities should be accredited by the American Association of Blood Banks to ensure they properly store stem cells.

Is Private Bank Storage the Best Path for You?

Before you decide to store cord blood and stem cells with a private bank, there are a few things to consider.

The costs of storing cord blood can be expensive. For example, blood bank Americord offers 20 years of storage for $3,499, while FamilyCord offers the same for $4,290. Generally, the costs can come out to about $100 to $300 a year for storage, depending on the professional you use. Before choosing this path, it’s important that parents consider the financial aspect involved. Keep in mind that the American Society for Blood and Marrow Transplantation estimates that the chances of a child using their own cord blood later to be only about .04 percent.

Many groups have released statements advocating for public bank donation instead of private banking. You can choose to donate your child’s cord blood for free to a public bank. Should stem cells become necessary later in life, the chance of finding a match through a public bank is very high — about 66 to 97 percent. If your child does not need their stem cells, a public bank donation gives you the chance to save someone else’s life instead.

If you’re considering banking or donating cord blood and stem cells, we encourage you to discuss your options with your surrogate, her obstetrician and your pediatrician. Your decision should only be made after consulting all parties and weighing your pros and cons. Your surrogacy specialist can always refer you to trusted blood banks for more information about this process.

How to Create a Lasting Friendship During Your Surrogacy

As part of today’s International Day of Friendship, we want to take the moment to appreciate some of the most important relationships out there — those between intended parents and surrogates.

The most successful surrogacies are those in which both surrogacy partners have a genuine, respecting relationship. Surrogacy involves a great deal of trust for intended parents and surrogates, which is why finding the perfect match from the beginning goes a long way in forming this positive, long-lasting relationship. It’s actually not that uncommon for intended parents and surrogates to maintain their friendships after the surrogacy journey is over, as well.

Take it from a few of our former surrogacy clients:

“You’re not doing it to have a relationship for the rest of your life (but) the more we talked, he was the one who said, ‘I want you guys to be in Julian’s life. I want Julian to know how he came about and what you guys sacrificed to give him his life.’ Nicholas told our children that Julian is their cousin from Miami… It’s amazing to me that we have such a great relationship.” – Nichole, surrogate for intended father Nicholas
“I never thought that it would go from complete stranger to best friend and a relationship that will always be there, so that’s pretty neat.” – Lindsey, intended mother
“I don’t know if anyone could top Lindsey and Shiloh. I hold them on such a high pedestal that I don’t know if I could ever get the same family again. I have such a wonderful relationship with them that I would want that again.” – Megan, surrogate for intended mother Lindsay

If you’re new to the surrogacy journey, you may wonder how you can find the same kind of lasting friendship that many other intended parents and surrogates have. Choosing to work with American Surrogacy can be the first step.

Our surrogacy specialists will discuss in detail with you your preferences for the surrogacy process. We’ll use your surrogacy goals and needs to help you find the perfect match for your surrogacy — a huge step to creating a long-lasting, genuine relationship with your surrogacy partner. Our specialists will be there to mediate your first conversations with your surrogacy match, as well as provide suggestions and advice to help you maintain a strong friendship throughout your surrogacy journey.

But, what exactly are some tips to finding that perfect match and creating the surrogacy friendships you’ve heard all about?

1. Know Your Surrogacy Preferences.

The best way to ensure a positive surrogacy relationship is by working with someone who values and wants the same things that you do in your surrogacy journey. That way, you can be in tune throughout your surrogacy journey. However, to do so, you must first recognize your own surrogacy desires.

If you are considering surrogacy for the first time, it can be difficult to know exactly what you want — especially when you’re still learning about the intricacies of the surrogacy process. This is where a surrogacy professional like American Surrogacy can come in handy. Surrogacy specialists can discuss your surrogacy journey in depth to help create a list of preferences moving forward. That way, you can better find a surrogate or intended parent who shares the same goals and preferences.

2. Wait for the Perfect Match.

When you’ve been waiting to start your surrogacy journey, it’s tempting to take the first match you’re presented with, just so you can begin. However, finding the patience to make sure a potential match is perfect for you will be instrumental in creating a positive relationship later on. Sometimes, it may take months to find the perfect match — and that’s okay. When you find the perfect match, you’ll know. It will be worth it to have a genuine friendship based on shared surrogacy desires.

3. Follow the Golden Rule.

Like any other relationships, relationships created during the surrogacy process should be treated with respect and kindness. While the relationship between intended parents and surrogates is certainly a unique one, all of the same rules with everyday relationships apply. Because surrogacy can be a journey filled with emotional ups and downs, it’s important that you continue to respect each other and maintain any boundaries you may have set in your surrogacy contract.

If you ever have complications in establishing and maintaining a positive surrogacy relationship, know that the specialists at American Surrogacy are here for you. To learn more about finding your perfect surrogacy match, please contact our agency at 1-800-875-BABY(2229).

10 Surrogate Blogs to Read Today

When you’re considering becoming a surrogate, hearing from other women who have been in your position can be incredibly helpful. Fortunately, there is a wealth of surrogate blogs available to help you understand the process ahead of you.

Being a surrogate is a unique journey to take, and many women choose to document their experiences and surrogacy stories through a surrogacy blog. It can help them address the feelings they may have, as well as help them connect with other surrogates and raise awareness of the reality of surrogacy for intended parents and others who are curious about the surrogacy process.

Want to learn more? We’ve gathered some of the best blogs by and for surrogates here to help you start your surrogacy research. While some of them may be older blogs that haven’t been updated recently, the information still available on them can teach you a lot about the aspects of surrogacy:

American Surrogacy Blog

At American Surrogacy, we assist both intended parents and prospective surrogates — which is why our blog tackles issues that are relevant to both. We know you likely have a million different questions about becoming a surrogate, and whatever answers you can’t find on our website you can likely find on our blog. If you have any questions that aren’t answered, you can always contact our surrogacy specialists at 1-800-875-BABY(2229).

I’m Not the Mom, I’m Just the Stork!

Gestational surrogate Kelley recounts the three surrogacy journeys she completed, as well as her own life experiences along the way.

Surrogacy Diva

While it’s an older blog, Surrogacy Diva is managed by a multiple-time surrogate, who discusses her own journey, posts news about surrogacy and answer questions from other prospective surrogates.

Return to Senders

Gestational surrogate Dana recounts her experience being a surrogate from 2013-2015 and her current experience being pregnant for the same male couple in 2018.

A Baby to Share

While Mandy’s story is old, she goes into detail about the different aspects of her gestational surrogacy journey here.

Not My Bun in the Oven

Liz created her surrogacy blog to record her personal journey and help connect with other people who were considering or going through a surrogate journey. Her gestational surrogacy story lasted through 2014 and 2015.

SurrOreal Life

While Beth’s blog stops right before she gives birth to her surrobabies, she does document the whole process of being a gestational surrogate for an international intended mother up until then.

Mommy From IVF

Kim’s surrogacy journey is a bit briefer documented than others, but she comes from the unique experience of using IVF herself to conceive her children and then becoming a gestational surrogate.

Foster Womb

One of the most recently updated blogs, Foster Womb is written by surrogate Sarah. She originally carried for an international couple during her first surrogacy journey and blogged her way through her second surrogacy journey, as well. Today, her blog addresses common questions that prospective mothers and surrogates have about the pregnancy process.

I’m Just the Oven

Chrissy documented her first gestational surrogacy journey on her blog, including detailed posts about the preparation processes before transfer.

If you are interested in learning more about being a surrogate from someone who has been through this process, reach out to our surrogacy specialists. We can help connect you with former and current surrogates who can answer your questions.

You also might consider reading some of these stories from former surrogates:

Israelis Protest New Surrogacy Laws Discriminating Against LGBT Parents

Surrogacy in countries outside of the United States continues to be a complicated process — and recent developments in Israel suggest the issue isn’t getting easier anytime soon.

The government of Israel enacted a new law this week that now extends surrogacy rights to single women. However, right-wing legislators also rejected an amendment that would have included same-sex couples and allowed gay men to father children through surrogates, reported the New York Times. The decision came after Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu reversed his support after opposition from his Orthodox coalition.

In response, LGBT activists and protestors flooded the streets this weekend to protest the decision. One gay couple marched with their children born via surrogacy in Israel, saying, “We came to support others who also want to be able to establish a family but can’t because a religious minster tells us we’re not allowed to.”

With this restriction in place, hopeful gay dads would have to complete international surrogacy, a process that can cost exorbitant amounts of money and come with many ethical and legal risks. While surrogacy in the United States does offer a safe solution, it is a process that is cost-prohibitive for many hopeful parents.

The protests in the streets of Israel indicate a growing acceptance of not only LGBT rights but of surrogacy itself in this country. One can only hope it’s also an indication of future surrogacy understanding and acceptance across the world.

Stay tuned for more reports from the New York Times on developments with this law.

If you are considering surrogacy in the United States, please contact American Surrogacy at 1-800-875-BABY(2229) for more information about this process.

5 Ways to Bond With Your Baby Born Via Surrogacy

Those who have built their family in a non-traditional way often have one common question: How can I bond with my baby if I’m not the one who carried him or her?

Here at American Surrogacy, we understand your concern. Society tells us that there is no connection like that between a pregnant woman and her child — but that doesn’t mean you can’t foster the same kind of connection if someone else was the one to give birth to your baby. While it may take a little extra effort, you can feel just as connected as anyone else who built their family in a “traditional” way.

For suggestions on how to forge that connection while your baby is in utero, check out this article. Here, we’ll focus on the steps you can take after you bring your bundle of joy home. All babies need contact, communication and love from their parents after birth. Use these tips to create a meaningful, healthy bond with your baby from the moment they are born.

1. Pay Attention to and Respond to Your Baby’s Needs.

This is the first tip for bonding with a baby for a reason — it’s the cornerstone of being a successful parent. You may be overwhelmed with your new bundle of joy, especially if this is your first experience being a parent, but you will learn quickly. You may not correctly anticipate your baby’s every need at first, but the more you pay close attention to them, the better you will get to know them and understand what they want. This mutual understanding will facilitate your bonding. After all, a baby will bond to the person who responds to their cries, which is why some experts advise that only the baby’s parents tend to their needs during the first couple of months, to help them recognize your role in their life.

2. Take Advantage of Feeding Time.

Along the same note, feeding time is one of the most important times you can address your baby’s needs. Take steps during mealtime to make eye contact, limit distractions and more to help your baby focus solely on you.

Did you know that even intended parents can breastfeed their baby? You can further facilitate this bonding by breastfeeding your child or giving plenty of skin-on-skin contact as you bottle-feed your baby. Talk with your doctor about the possibility of breastfeeding as an intended mother.

3. Don’t Skimp on Affection.

Naturally, you’ll be holding your baby a lot when you bring them home — whether to soothe them, feed them, or simply to marvel at this little wonder. All of this contact will comfort your baby, who will feel closer to you just from hearing your heartbeat.

Don’t be afraid to lay on other kinds of affection at this time, either. You may be worried about spoiling your baby, but that’s not a concern at this age. You cannot give a newborn too much affection, as it encourages the bonding process and helps them confirm you as a parental role.

Consider giving affection by:

Stroking their cheek
Having a bath together
Tickling
Hand holding
Gentle massages
And more — which brings us to our next point

4. Utilize Skin-on-Skin Contact.

Skin-on-skin contact is important for any parent bonding with their child but especially important for intended parents in surrogacy. While a baby will need to have skin-on-skin contact with the surrogate directly after birth to confirm his or her senses, the transfer to the intended parents for skin-on-skin contact is crucial to helping the baby recognize his or her parents.

Skin-on-skin contact is also helpful for improving physiologic stability for mother and baby, increasing maternal attachment behaviors, protecting against the negative effects of maternal-infant separation, and more. So, the research is clear: Don’t be afraid to share this important contact with your baby directly after birth and after you bring them home.

5. Always Talk to Your Baby.

New parents are bound to do this anyway, but the importance of talking to your new baby can’t be overstated. When your baby hears your voice, they are comforted that you are near, and it helps them better recognize your role as their parent.

In addition, talking to your baby helps them develop their own language skills. Children learn a lot from listening so, if you want your baby to start talking back early, don’t be afraid to chat them up to help them absorb information and language.

—

Bringing home a new baby can be overwhelming for everyone, but especially for parents through surrogacy who are getting their first experience with their little one. Remember, your surrogacy specialist will always be here to help you prepare for this step and offer advice as you adjust to your new life as parents.

To learn more about our agency services, please contact us at 1-800-875-BABY(2229).

5 Big Reasons Not to Choose International Surrogacy

As an intended parent, you may be considering international surrogacy instead of domestic surrogacy within the United States. This may be for several reasons: You’ve heard it’s a cheaper process, can take less time to complete, and more.

However, the reality of international surrogacy is incredibly different from what you may have read online or heard about. While this kind of surrogacy was popular and successful in the last few decades, the truth is, international surrogacy today is a difficult and risky family-building process.

Before you decide on this path, we encourage you to read more about the reasons why international surrogacy may not be the right choice for you:

1. International Surrogacy Laws are Restrictive.

While each state within the U.S. has different surrogacy laws, the vast majority of the states allow for compensated surrogacy with a safe, regulated legal process. You will be hard pressed to find another country in the world where surrogacy is this safely regulated.

Many countries that once welcomed international surrogacy — like Mexico, India and Nepal — have now either greatly restricted or completely prohibited surrogacy for foreign intended parents. To pursue surrogacy in these states is risky and can set international intended parents up for failure and dire legal consequences.

Even in countries where surrogacy is legal, there are often many qualifiers. Compensated surrogacy may be illegal, surrogates may need to be related to intended parents, surrogacy may be illegal for LGBT intended parents, and more. Any intended parent should recognize the reality of international surrogacy laws in different countries before considering this path. Our surrogacy specialists encourage American intended parents to compare these laws to those of surrogacy-friendly states to understand exactly how the legal landscape of international surrogacy has changed.

2. International Surrogates May Be Exploited.

In the United States, there are laws to protect surrogates, and professional surrogacy programs require prospective surrogates to undergo screening and education before they can pursue this journey. You may not find the same safeguards in international surrogacy.

For years, surrogates in international countries were exploited by surrogacy professionals. Their financial situation forced them into this process, and they may not have known exactly what they were signing up for, due to a lack of higher education or any education at all. Because of these situations, many countries started to shut down their international surrogacy business.

However, if you decide to pursue surrogacy in a country that still allows you to, there is still the risk that your surrogate may not be choosing this path of her own free will and complete understanding. On the other hand, if you work with an American surrogacy agency like American Surrogacy, you can know your surrogate has been heavily screened to ensure she is mentally and physically ready for the process ahead of her.

3. Health Conditions and Facilities are Often Not Ideal.

Because surrogates in other countries may not be screened as thoroughly as those in the United States, there is also a health risk you must incur as an intended parent. You will have to trust that your surrogacy professional has found a surrogate who is medically safe to carry a pregnancy to term. Even those professionals that do screen medically may not screen her psychologically to ensure she understands and is comfortable with the medical risks of being a surrogate.

On the same note, if you choose a surrogacy abroad, you cannot be constantly updated on the medical status of your surrogate and her pregnancy. While surrogacy in the United States is governed by set medical standards, there are often no comparable standards in other countries. Professional medical care may not be as available to surrogates during their pregnancy, and you may not be able to have confidence in your surrogacy and medical professionals’ skills. Complications that can be easily handled in the United States could be incredibly dangerous in another country with less access to medical help.

4. Political Conditions Can Change Quickly.

Like with international adoption, international surrogacy is subject to the changing relations of countries. It’s not out of the ordinary for a country to change its laws to affect a particular country in retaliation to a diplomatic move, and you will always be at risk of that changing legislation when you choose to pursue an international surrogacy.

For example, families who were in the process of international surrogacy in Mexico were left in limbo when the country banned foreign intended parents in 2016. Whether or not their surrogates were pregnant, they were out thousands of dollars and a way to legalize any child born from the surrogacy process in that country. As surrogacy continues to be a controversial family-building method, it’s not unreasonable to expect these kinds of new restrictions in other countries moving forward.

5. It Can Actually Be More Expensive than Domestic Surrogacy.

Perhaps the biggest reason why intended parents consider international surrogacy is because they are led to believe it is cheaper than domestic surrogacy. This is not always true.

Like with surrogacies in the United States, the cost of an international surrogacy is directly correlated to the quality and quantity of services provided for the process. If an international surrogacy professional is offering a cheaper cost than a domestic one, consider all of the services involved. Odds are, your surrogate may not be receiving compensation for her services, or you will need to hire additional professionals to complete your international surrogacy — like an attorney to coordinate bringing home your internationally born child to the U.S. In addition, there is always a risk of hidden costs in international surrogacy — those not outlined in your professional’s services but that emerge as your surrogacy journey continues.

If you are curious how the cost of international surrogacy compares to domestic surrogacy, contact our surrogacy specialists for a full breakdown of costs with our agency. They can also discuss in greater detail the advantages of choosing domestic surrogacy over international — and why it may be a better overall choice for you.