Author: afm

7 Hard Parts of Being a Surrogate

If you’re considering becoming a surrogate, you’ve probably heard about all the wonderful parts of this journey: helping to bring a child into the world, creating an intimate relationship with the intended parents and more.

However, being a surrogate is not all butterflies and rainbows. After all, it’s a huge commitment of your time, energy and your body to help another family. It’s normal for there to be tough times during the journey, and it’s important that you understand what they might be before deciding on this path for yourself.

Here at American Surrogacy, support from our surrogacy specialists and references to trusted surrogacy lawyers and medical professionals can help alleviate some of these challenges. You are never alone when you work with American Surrogacy; we will always be there to help through both the difficult and rewarding parts of your surrogacy process.

Remember, each surrogacy journey is different, but here are some of the difficult experiences that former surrogates have reported.

1. Failed Transfer

It’s completely normal for an embryo transfer to fail, but it can still be disappointing, especially on the first try. You and your intended parents will be anxious and excited to start this surrogacy journey together, and it may seem like nothing can go wrong with the guidance of experienced medical professionals. If a failed transfer does happen, it can be devastating.

Success rates of an IVF transfer will always depend upon a clinic’s procedures, including any pre-implantation genetic screening it completes. In general, a little more than half of all IVF transfers will result in pregnancy, with anywhere from 35-40 percent of transfers failing to implant.

If you experience a failed transfer, remember that your surrogacy specialist and your medical professionals will be there to counsel you through this time. A failed transfer is not your fault as a surrogate, but it can still be an emotional process, nonetheless.

2. Medications

When you become a surrogate, you will be required to take a great deal of fertility drugs to prepare your body for the embryo cycle. Some of these medications will be taken orally, while some will require you to inject yourself at home. All of these medications will require strict planning and scheduling to ensure they are taken at the proper time.

Your doctor will always walk you through your medication schedule. Many surrogates find these medications (and their potential side effects) to be one the most difficult parts of surrogacy preparation. You may need the assistance of your spouse or loved ones to maintain this schedule or to administer certain drugs.

3. Waiting for Your Pregnancy Results

Many surrogates and intended parents are overjoyed and excited waiting for their transfer results — but that doesn’t mean it isn’t also an excruciating wait. Waiting for your pregnancy results can put you on pins and needles, whether you are waiting to take an at-home pregnancy test or receive your official ultrasound a week or two after transfer.

4. Miscarriage

Miscarriage is another unfortunate reality of surrogacy. While embryos do go through pre-implantation screening, there is still the chance that a miscarriage can occur. In most cases, the surrogacy miscarriage rate is comparable to the rate of miscarriage among women who become pregnant naturally: about 10-25 percent.

If you do experience a miscarriage, you will likely experience the same kind of sadness and grief as the intended parents, even though the embryo was not your own. These feelings will be normal, and your surrogacy specialist will be there to counsel you (and the intended parents) through this difficult time. When both parties are ready to try another embryo transfer, you will work closely with your doctor to prepare your body for another procedure.

Keep in mind: A miscarriage usually will not affect your ability to become pregnant in any future transfers.

5. Pregnancy Side Effects

Like any pregnancy, a surrogate pregnancy can come with difficult side effects — everything from morning sickness to gestational diabetes to more serious complications. You may find that your surrogate pregnancy is completely different from your previous pregnancies. The experience could be much harder or much easier, so it’s a good idea not to go into your surrogacy with certain expectations.

Remember, any necessary medical care will be completely covered by your intended parents, and your doctor and surrogacy specialist will work closely with you throughout your pregnancy to ensure your comfort.

6. Working with Distant Intended Parents

Surrogacy is a partnership, and it can be hard when your intended parents aren’t located close by. Not only will they often be less present for important doctor’s appointments, but they won’t be able to be there as quickly should something go wrong.

It can be tough to go through your pregnancy without intended parents’ close, practical support, but working with long-distance intended parents is more common than you may think. Technology like emails, video chatting and more can keep you in frequent touch with the intended parents. Your surrogacy specialist will help you create a contact plan in your surrogacy contract; that way, you can more easily build a relationship with intended parents who may not be located just a few hours away.

7. Coordination of Surrogacy Appointments

Finally, being a surrogate will impact every aspect of your life. Finding the time for surrogate appointments on top of your motherly and familial duties can be the hardest part of this journey. You may need to miss some of your children’s activities for scheduled medication and appointments, and it can be frustrating to give up some of your normal activities because of a lack of time or energy.

Remember, this is only temporary. You will have chosen to become a surrogate to make a difference in someone’s life, and it will be all worth it in the end. Choosing to work with American Surrogacy is the first step toward tackling these challenges and creating a positive surrogacy journey for you and your intended parents.

If you have any questions about the potential challenges of surrogacy or want to learn more about how our agency helps to minimize any risks and complications, contact our specialists for free at 1-800-875-BABY(2229).

Celebrating Mother’s Day at Different Stages in Your Surrogacy Journey

Mother’s Day, as exciting as it is for many women, can also be emotionally challenging for those who have not yet achieved their motherhood goals. Whether you are still struggling with infertility, are in the middle of the surrogacy process or have had a child through surrogacy, your motherhood experience will be different from that of many other mothers.

This isn’t a bad thing — it’s just something to recognize when this day of the year comes along. Even long after motherhood is realized, the pain of infertility can rear its ugly head. Therefore, Mother’s Day can be a trigger for even the happiest of mothers.

At American Surrogacy and our partner agency American Adoptions, we celebrate mothers in all stages of their parenting journey. Below, you’ll find some advice for women in all parts of the surrogacy journey to make this Mother’s Day as positive as possible.

If You’re Struggling with Infertility

Women who are not yet mothers can have the hardest time on Mother’s Day. After all, it’s a day that celebrates all that you don’t yet have — but desperately want. When struggling with infertility, it can seem like your body has betrayed you, and being hounded with images of happy mothers and children can be emotionally devastating.

Know this: You always have the right to do what makes you happiest on this day. Your emotional well-being is always the most important thing.

Some intended mothers decide to completely sit Mother’s Day out. They know that trying to celebrate this day, even with important maternal figures in their lives, can make things harder — especially if you know you’ll receive endless questions about having children yourself. If this is the case for you, do an activity that is completely unrelated to the holiday and brings you joy. Use your coping mechanisms for your infertility journey to let out your emotions and address how you’re feeling.

On the other hand, you may wish to jump into Mother’s Day and turn your negative feelings into positive energy toward the important maternal figures in your life. Take the attention off of yourself by focusing on your own mother and other family members. Celebrating with your loved ones can sometimes help you forget your sadness and even enjoy yourself on this emotionally complex day.

If You’re in the Surrogacy Process

If you’re in the middle of a surrogacy journey on this Mother’s Day, you are likely feeling some conflicting feelings. You will need to address these emotions in order to have a positive day.

If your surrogate is pregnant, you probably can’t wait until this time next year, when you’ll finally have the little bundle of joy you’ve been waiting for so long. Because of this excitement, Mother’s Day might be easier than you imagine. You may consider including your surrogate in your Mother’s Day mentions; she would certainly appreciate receiving a token of appreciation like flowers or a small gift. After all, she is the reason you will be a mother, and she may be giving up precious time with her own children to help you reach your goals.

At the same time, you shouldn’t shy away from the more negative feelings you may have during this time. Your journey to motherhood is unique; you are missing out on some key experiences like pregnancy and childbirth. It’s important to acknowledge any feelings of jealousy or sadness on this day, or they may come back to haunt you later. Recognize how special your motherhood journey is, and don’t shy away from the realities of your situation.

Remember, if you are struggling with complicated emotions during your surrogacy experience, your surrogacy specialist at American Surrogacy is always available to offer guidance and suggestions.

If You’ve Had a Child Through Surrogacy

Finally, if you’ve successfully had a child through surrogacy, it may seem like your Mother’s Day would be like any other mother’s — full of joy and love. However, there are still some important things to consider after your motherhood goals have come to fruition.

The fact that you have a child now does not erase the months and years you likely spent lamenting your infertility. Don’t be surprised if these latent emotions show up at the most unexpected times, including during Mother’s Day celebrations. Your sadness about not experiencing pregnancy may reappear, especially when your child starts asking questions inspired by traditional Mother’s Day crafts at school.

Along the same line, you might find that your child wants to send a card to his or her surrogate on Mother’s Day. This does not mean that you’re not “mother” enough for him or her; it’s actually a sign of your child’s maturity and understanding of their surrogacy journey. Your surrogate played a large role in bringing your child into the world, and it’s a wonderful gesture to appreciate her on Mother’s Day.

If your child doesn’t suggest it, you may still consider including your child’s surrogate in Mother’s Day to teach your son or daughter gratitude and appreciation from an early age. Your surrogate is an important part of your child’s story, and she should not be forgotten. Mother’s Day is a day that celebrates all people who play a maternal role: whether they are female or male, related to the child or not. There’s never an issue with including more love and appreciation on this day.

How to Approach Mother’s Day as a Gay Male Parent

Mother’s Day: A day when hardworking moms get breakfast in bed, flowers and gifts, and a day full of what they want to do. But, for thousands of families across the U.S., Mother’s Day is a bit complicated — because there’s no mother to celebrate.

Male fathers who have used surrogacy know that their child having a mother is in no way more important than having two loving, doting parents who happen to be men. But, when schools and society make such a big deal about Mother’s Day, it’s normal to not know how to approach this topic with their kid.

In most cases, children of two gay dads don’t overthink this holiday as much as their parents do. They accept the roles their fathers play in their lives and don’t feel left out on Mother’s Day.

However, if you’re a gay father concerned about how to address this subject with your child, find some guidance below.

Addressing the Role of an Egg Donor in Your Child’s Life

It makes sense for you to consider your child’s egg donor — their biological mother — when the second weekend of May comes around. After all, this woman is your child’s “mother” in a certain sense, even if she is not involved in their life in the way that a live-in mother would be.

If your child approaches you about celebrating his or her biological mom on Mother’s Day, don’t take it as a sign that you and your partner (if applicable) are not enough for him or her. All children are curious about their biological parents, whether they are born through an egg donation or they have a birth mother through adoption. Mother’s Day can be a great opportunity to open up a conversation about your child’s egg donor that may not have been there before.

You’ll want to always have your child’s egg donor be an open topic of conversation but especially on Mother’s Day, when your child may question why they don’t have a mother of their own to celebrate. If your egg donor is known, suggest that your child write her a card on this holiday — not so much a “Mother’s Day” card as an “Egg Donor’s Day” card. That way, your child can feel included in the holiday even if he or she doesn’t have a mother to celebrate.

To Involve or Not to Involve The Surrogate?

Similarly, many gay male couples use Mother’s Day as a way to celebrate their child’s surrogate. Some even decide to make it “Surrogate’s Day” instead.

However, when doing this, you will want to clarify that your child’s surrogate is no way their mother. Explain that, yes, other children may be brought into the world by their mother, but just because a surrogate gave birth to them does not create the same relationship. If you have properly explained your child’s surrogacy story, this will come as no surprise to them — but don’t be surprised if they ask more questions around Mother’s Day, especially if they are younger.

This can also be a great opportunity for your child to develop a relationship with their surrogate, if both parties are comfortable doing so. You might consider visiting your surrogate on Mother’s Day, or help your child create a card or letter for her, expressing their appreciation and how much her decision means to your family.

You also have the right to not involve your surrogate as you feel comfortable. However, even if you don’t make Mother’s Day completely about your surrogate, teaching your child empathy and appreciation by acknowledging her on this day is important.

How to Involve Your Child in Mother’s Day Celebrations

Mother’s Day doesn’t have to be a big deal in a household with two fathers. The amount to which these kinds of families celebrate this day varies greatly; some deem this day another Father’s Day, while some don’t acknowledge it at all.

However, whatever you choose for your own household, recognize that your child will likely complete Mother’s Day activities at school and at other activities. It can be awkward for them to not be involved in these arts and crafts, so make sure to inform your child’s teachers about their situation prior to these activities and suggest alternatives for your child.

One of the most popular paths gay fathers take? Using Mother’s Day to celebrate the women in their child’s life who play an important maternal role.

Instead of ignoring Mother’s Day, use it as an opportunity to appreciate women like your child’s grandmother, aunts, close family friends and more. Suggest that your child create cards and put together small gifts for these women instead of focusing on the “mother” aspect of the day. Consider taking any childless women who play a role in your child’s life out to a nice meal or spend some quality time with them. They will appreciate it, and your child won’t feel left out of the Mother’s Day activities.

More than anything else, don’t stress about Mother’s Day if you are a gay dad. It can be tempting to overthink a holiday that has such significance in society today, but know that the lack of a mother has not been proven to harm a child. With proper foresight and preparation, you can create a Mother’s Day for your child that is meaningful and that works best for your family.

4 Ways to Respond to Infertility & Surrogacy Shaming

If you are an intended parent struggling with infertility or in the middle of the surrogacy process, you are well familiar with the difficulties of the path you are on. You know the sacrifices and tough decisions you made to get to where you are. That’s why it can be so frustrating and infuriating when someone else comments upon your personal life: a growing trend called parent shaming.

For some reason, with the power of social media, people feel compelled to hide behind their computer screens and judge other parents for their choices — whether that’s adoption, IVF, surrogacy or simply their parenting styles. When you’re going through the difficult process of assisted reproduction, these comments can be grating, especially when the commenter doesn’t really understand what your personal journey involves.

These are just a few of the comments you may have received or heard:

Why didn’t you just adopt? There are so many waiting kids.

Why did you spend all that money on IVF if you can’t even get pregnant?

Well, maybe if you just relaxed and didn’t stress about having a kid, you’ll actually get pregnant.

We’re sad to see the trend of IVF- and surrogacy-shaming become normalized online. So, what can you do as an intended parent to combat this shaming and judgement?

1. Think before you respond.

When someone comments harshly about your choice to pursue IVF or surrogacy, it can be tempting to quickly respond, fueled by the hurt and anger you’re feeling. However, take a deep breath and think about what you’re saying. Sometimes, to defend themselves, intended parents deflect by shaming the commenter for their parenting decisions. However, responding with judgmental comments will do nothing to solve the online-shaming problem.

2. Respond politely and with kindness.

Instead of lashing out, be considerate. Just because you are not speaking to the person face-to-face does not mean they don’t deserve the same kind of respect you would give in an in-person conversation. Politely thank them for their comment, but respectfully agree to disagree.

3. Educate them about IVF and/or surrogacy.

Often, judgmental comments about assisted reproductive technology come from a place of misunderstanding. For example, some people may believe that surrogates are “giving up” their own baby, which can inspire hateful comments. Take this opportunity to educate the commenter about the realities of the path you’ve chosen. Explain how you came to this decision, and emphasize that it was the right choice for your family.

4. Politely excuse yourself from the conversation.

Unfortunately, many people don’t come to social media to have an open, productive conversation. They don’t wish to have their mind changed but to instead reiterate their own points over and over. Therefore, it can sometimes cause more harm than good to engage them in a lengthy discussion. Instead, remind them that how you build your family is no one’s business but your own. You can also say you aren’t comfortable discussing your intimate family decisions with them. If they continue to engage you, ignore them or take steps to block them.

Remember, your emotional well-being is what really matters — not the opinion of someone on the internet.

Taking Steps to Stop the Cycle in Your Everyday Life

To stop infertility- and parent-shaming, consider your own life. Do you find yourself being critical of other parents, whether you express those opinions or not? Odds are, you have at some point — you’re only human.

But, when those thoughts arise, take a minute to remember that everyone’s situation is different. What you see as a breakdown in parenting may be a parent dealing with an impossible situation, like financial troubles or a death in the family. No parent is perfect all the time, and it’s not productive to criticize things that a parent is likely already self-conscious about.

There is no “right” way to be or become a parent, and it’s not your place to tell someone what they are doing is “wrong.” Instead, show a little kindness and support, especially of people who might share different beliefs than you. We could all use a bit of understanding in this day and age.

5 Secrets to a Successful Surrogacy

It’s no secret — surrogacy can be an overwhelming and complicated but equally rewarding family-building process. So, are there any tips for making it as successful a process as possible?

Whether you’re an intended parent or prospective surrogate, there are a couple of rules to live by if you want to have a surrogacy that meets all of your dreams and goals.

1. Be Open.

More than anything else, surrogacy is an intimate partnership between not only intended parents and their surrogate but also the surrogacy and medical professionals that guide them through the process. Because surrogacy can be so complicated and cause so many different emotions, it’s important that intended parents and surrogates are open with each other and their professionals from the start.

For intended parents, this may mean opening up about past infertility struggles that are difficult to talk about. For surrogates, it means being willing to share intimate medical information about their body every step of the way. Many times, surrogacy is a new experience for both, so it’s important to be open to those new experiences in order to do what is best for your personal journey.

2. Be Honest.

Similarly, it’s important to always be honest about what you are feeling at different points in your surrogacy process. It’s normal to encounter difficult emotions along the way — like jealousy, discomfort and more — but the only healthy way of coping with them is by addressing them honestly, either with your surrogacy partner or your surrogacy professional.

Trying to hide what you are feeling — either because of your own discomfort in revealing your emotions or in attempting to save someone else from discomfort — will only cause more problems further along in your surrogacy process. In fact, your surrogacy professionals are often trained to detect dishonesty or other similar issues, and your surrogacy process could stall until you resolve those emotions.

3. Be Prepared.

There are many moving parts involved in a successful surrogacy, and one of the secrets to making yours as positive as possible is by knowing what to expect. All intended parents and surrogates should fully understand the logistics of the surrogacy process before starting, but you should also speak with your surrogacy professional so you are aware of potential complications that could arise. Even if you don’t believe these circumstances will arise, you should always be prepared, just in case.

The better prepared you are, the smoother your surrogacy will progress.

4. Be Flexible.

On the same note, in the case of unexpected developments, flexibility is key. Your surrogacy may not go as you expect; you may experience delays in screening, failed transfers or even a miscarriage. As discouraging as these situations are, they are completely normal aspects of a surrogacy — and you should be prepared for the possibility of them occurring.

Being flexible under non-ideal circumstances will not only help save your mental health but it will also help you grow a strong relationship with your surrogacy partner, who will also be going through the same situations.

5. Be Realistic.

When you finally begin your surrogacy journey, you will be incredibly excited for the progress to come! However, as mentioned, surrogacy can come with unexpected delays and complications, and not everything will go perfectly the first time.

An average surrogacy journey takes about 12–18 months. Of course, all surrogacy journeys are different, and you may hear about other people’s journeys on both extremes of the spectrum. However, don’t expect to be matched within days and have a confirmed pregnancy the next month. Surrogacy takes time, and it will all happen based on what’s best for your individual journey. You may not see it while you are in the process, but you will look back later and know that everything happened when it did for a reason.

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If you’re looking for more tips on having a successful surrogacy, look no further than American Surrogacy. Our surrogacy specialists can provide the case management and support services you need during every step of this complicated journey to help you achieve your personal surrogacy goals. Learn more by contacting us today at 1-800-875-2229(BABY).

The Pros and Cons of Finding Intended Parents Online

When you choose to become a surrogate, you will have many decisions to make in order to create the surrogacy journey that’s perfect for you. One of these decisions is how you will find your intended parents — with the assistance of a professional or on your own.

With the advent of social media, some surrogates and intended parents are bypassing the agency route for matching, choosing instead to connect with each other in online surrogacy groups, classifieds and listings. This will always be an option for you as a surrogate, but it’s important that you full understand the pros and cons of independently finding intended parents before you decide to take this path.

The Pros of Finding Intended Parents on the Internet

As mentioned, a surrogate finding intended parents on her own has become much easier over the last few years with the explosion of social media. There are many social media groups that exist exactly for this purpose — to connect intended parents and surrogates from all over the country and all over the world.

So, why do surrogates choose to find intended parents independently if the professional matching services provided by an agency will always be free to them?

  • You could save your intended parents money. While the matching services for a surrogate are always free, matching professionals do require intended parents to pay for these services to find a surrogate. When you choose to find intended parents on your own, you will prevent them from paying these expenses — although there is a possibility that additional costs associated with this process can still be expensive.
  • You can find a match for a traditional surrogacy. It’s very rare for surrogacy professionals to work with intended parents and surrogates pursuing traditional surrogacy because of the potential complications associated with this process. If you wish to become a traditional surrogate, you will likely need to find intended parents on your own.
  • You have more control over finding intended parents who are perfect for you. Some surrogates enjoy the sense of personal responsibility in finding intended parents on their own, especially because this match will shape the rest of their surrogacy experience. They may be able to search for specific details that they couldn’t with a matching professional and have more extensive options to choose from.
  • You may have a deeper, more personal relationship with your intended parents. Because you and the intended parents will be in contact from the very beginning, even before you solidify your match, you will by necessity have a closer and more personal relationship. There will need to be a great level of trust because of the lack of professional mediation.

 The Cons of Finding Intended Parents on the Internet

Despite the benefits of finding intended parents independently on the internet, there are some potential disadvantages that surrogates should be aware of before taking on this personal responsibility. Finding intended parents independently is not the right path for everyone, so all surrogates should take the time to research both sides of this option before deciding what is right for them.

Here are some things to consider about this surrogacy path:

  • You must take on more responsibility for the screening and matching process. When you work with a matching professional, all intended parents presented to you will have already been screened and approved for the surrogacy process. When you find intended parents on your own, you will need to work with them to confirm you have the same surrogacy goals and preferences and that you all complete necessary screening before moving forward. Some surrogates prefer a professional handle these responsibilities.
  • There is a potential for finding intended parents who are not eligible for surrogacy. Because many intended parents do not undergo necessary screening before finding a surrogate online, intended parents who are perfect for your surrogacy goals and preferences may not be approved for the surrogacy process after your match. In this case, you would have to start your matching process all over again.
  • You may feel pressured into an independent surrogacy after finding intended parents on your own. Even if you choose to find intended parents on your own, you may wish to work with a surrogacy professional for the rest of your journey. However, when you find a match independently, there’s a higher chance that those intended parents will wish to complete a fully independent surrogacy. You may find yourself agreeing to a surrogacy process you did not originally desire in order to keep your “perfect” match.
  • There is more potential for scam or fraud when finding intended parents on your own. Again, because intended parents have usually not been screened before finding a surrogate independently, there is a higher risk of intended parents not being who they say they are or otherwise engaging you in a scam.
  • It may take longer to find the perfect match. Intended parents online have all kinds of different surrogacy goals and preferences and, when you don’t have a professional actively searching for you, it can take a long time to sort through all the potential matches to find the one that is perfect for you.

At American Surrogacy, we highly recommend that surrogates find intended parents through our pre-screened, intense matching services, rather than take the potential risks of matching on their own. To learn more about our matching program, please contact our surrogacy specialists today at 1-800-875-2229(BABY).

Our agency is also happy to work with surrogates who have already found intended parents to guide you through the rest of your identified surrogacy.

How You Can Help #FliptheScript for National Infertility Awareness Week

This week, April 22–28, is National Infertility Awareness Week — a time for all people, regardless of how infertility affects them, to reflect on the current state of infertility in the U.S. and spread awareness about these struggles that do affect so many.

Organized by RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association, National Infertility Awareness Week has existed since 1989 as a way to “reduce stigma and educate the public about reproductive health and issues that make building a family so difficult for so many.” In fact, 1 in 8 (or 15 percent) of couples in the United States struggle with infertility today.

This year’s theme is “#FliptheScript,” in an effort to clear up the misinformation about infertility that exists and educate the public about the true state of American infertility. It’s more than just numbers; infertility is a deeply personal experience that affects more people than many believe.

You can participate in National Infertility Awareness Week and help #FliptheScript in several ways:

1. Share your story.

For those unaffected by infertility, this difficult struggle can be hard to grasp. To help spread awareness, you can share your own story of infertility, no matter where you are in the journey. RESOLVE is accepting email submissions for posting on its website here.

But you don’t have to formally share your story online to make a difference. Take this chance to open up to friends and family who may not know about your infertility struggles, or simply promise yourself that you’ll be more open about discussing these struggles in the future. Allowing your friends to put a face to infertility — your face — can be scary but can go a long way in helping to spread awareness.

2. Get educated — and educate others.

There are a lot of misconceptions out there about infertility, as well as complicated family-building methods like surrogacy. Sharing your story and other information is only helpful if it’s accurate. That’s the only way we’ll be able to successfully #FliptheScript.

Once you know you have accurate and professional information, help others learn by sharing that on your social media platforms, hosting or joining a local awareness event and doing every little bit you can to help others learn more about infertility in the U.S.

3. Contribute to infertility research.

Infertility can still be a taboo subject in the United States, but there are organizations out there that are trying to change that. RESOLVE and its partners are working to improve the lives of Americans who struggle to build their family, either through infertility research or hosting awareness events like National Infertility Awareness Week. The more funds that goes to infertility research, the more positive solutions there will be — and the less taboo a subject infertility will be.

Even today, infertility struggles do not mean the end of someone’s hopes and dreams of becoming a parent. Increasing the access to affordable family-building options through donations and continuing research is an important part of helping people realize this.

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How will you #FliptheScript this National Infertility Awareness Week? Comment below to let us know.

If you are struggling with infertility and interested in learning about surrogacy as a family-building option, please contact our surrogacy specialists at 1-800-875-2229(BABY) today.

7 Lucky Surrogate Traditions for Your Transfer Day

The embryo transfer process can be one of the most exciting moments for you as a surrogate — but it can also be extremely nerve-wracking. All of your intended parents’ hopes and dreams will ride on the success of the embryo implanting, most of which is up to your doctor and your body.

While the likelihood of an embryo implanting is mostly out of your control, surrogates like you have developed a few fun transfer day traditions to bring luck and good vibes to a day that’s equal parts exciting and anxiety-inducing. Whether or not these traditions are proven to increase the chance of a successful embryo transfer, they can be great ways to channel your nervous energy and connect with other surrogates.

1. Lucky Socks

One of the biggest traditions that surrogates have on transfer day is wearing lucky socks during the embryo transfer procedure. Socks are usually the only item of clothing you can keep on during the medical procedure, and there’s an old Chinese saying that warm feet increase the chance of a warm and welcoming uterus.

2. “Sticky Thoughts”

Telling someone “sticky thoughts” is the surrogate’s way of saying good luck. This phrase comes from the idea that the stickier and thicker the uterus lining is, the more likely an embryo is to implant.

3. Pineapple

Before the embryo transfer procedure, many surrogates eat different food designed to increase the likelihood of implantation. One of these is pineapple, whether it’s the core or the surrounding fruit. Pineapple contains bromelain, which has strong anti-inflammatory properties. Therefore, it can be seen as a benefit for fertility in possibly preventing implantation issues for women.

Natural fertility experts caution against ingesting pineapple too early in your ovulation and after the transfer process. However, many surrogates heartily enjoy pineapple in the days leading up to their medical procedure.

4. French Fries

Many surrogates also eat French fries after transfer. It’s unclear how this tradition came about but, with a fresh transfer, doctors usually recommend an increase in sodium to reduce the chance of ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome in egg donors. The word of beneficial salt in French fries has seemed to spread to gestational surrogates, even though they are not subject to OHSS through fresh egg harvesting. But you’ll rarely find a surrogate who will turn down French fries, no matter how much benefit they actually have in the implantation process!

5. Laughing After Transfer

Here’s an interesting one: A 2012 study in the journal of Fertility and Sterility stated that women who laugh shortly after an embryo transfer showed higher rates of successful implantation. For this reason, some surrogates decide to giggle it up right after transfer, like by watching a comedy when they’re often required to rest anyway. Laughter reduces stress, which can affect your body in many ways. It only makes sense that reducing this stress would increase the likelihood of an embryo implanting into a woman’s uterus.

6. Wearing Green

Green is a color that represents fertility, which is why you’ll see many surrogates wearing green lucky socks, painting their toes green, or just wearing green in general in the days leading up to their transfer day. Other colors like orange and yellow also represent fertility in other cultures.

7. Symbols of Turtles

Similarly, a turtle also represents fertility in many cultures, including Chinese, Polynesian and African cultures. In other cultures, it’s a symbol of good luck. Some surrogates decide to wear a turtle charm or symbol during their embryo transfer process to take advantage of those good vibes.

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Whether or not you are superstitious, these traditions can be a fun way to prepare for the embryo transfer process and connect to the larger community of surrogates out there. For more surrogate-specific tips and topics, check out surrogate forums like SurroMoms Online and All About Surrogacy.

Navigating Your Surrogate Pregnancy at Work

One of the potentially complicated aspects of becoming a surrogate is working through — and taking time off for — your surrogate pregnancy. Because the child you’re carrying is not your own, you may worry about how your employer will accept and respond to your decision.

First off, know that your surrogacy is no one’s business but yours and your intended parents. Therefore, you are never obligated to tell your employer more than you feel comfortable with. In fact, some surrogates do not even reveal their surrogacy to their employer; they simply inform him or her of their plans for maternity leave.

A great deal of how you navigate being a surrogate at your office will be up to your workplace environment and your relationship with your boss and coworkers. However, the specialists at American Surrogacy will also be here to provide suggestions and support for this unique part of your surrogacy experience, and may be able to help advocate for the services and employer support you may need. For our assistance, please call 1-800-875-2229(BABY).

Below, we’ve outlined a few typical areas of concern for surrogates who plan to work through their pregnancy and provided some suggestions.

Telling Your Boss

No matter whether you choose to tell your workplace about your surrogacy plans, you will need to speak with your employer about your pregnancy. This way, they will be aware of any maternal leave you need to take and can prepare for your absence accordingly.

However, this conversation can sometimes be a bit complicated. How much do you tell your boss about your surrogacy plans, and when do you tell him or her about them?

When and how this conversation occurs will depend upon your personal relationship, but many surrogates choose to wait until after their pregnancy is confirmed or after their 20-week ultrasound to inform their boss. This way, they can avoid the awkwardness and complication of telling their boss about any miscarriage or failed transfers.

Whether or not you specifically tell your boss that your pregnancy is a surrogate pregnancy will be up to you. Many employers will actually be impressed by an employee’s selfless decision to become a surrogate.

Either way, it’s important that you make sure to specify when you are due, when you plan to take any leave (see below), and any extra accommodations you may require during your pregnancy.

Determining Benefits and Maternal Time Off

Despite the growing popularity of surrogacy, many employers do not have specific benefits for women who choose to become surrogates. You may be the first employee to approach your boss about surrogacy, which means you and your employer may need to work together to create a benefit and leave package that works for you.

While you will need to take maternal leave for your delivery and recovery, the good news is that many surrogates can return to their workplace earlier than if they had delivered their own child. They do not have to care for a newborn, and many return to work within a few weeks, if that. However, you should always pay attention to your body and its needs rather than rush back to work before you are ready.

Whether or not you will receive paid maternal leave will be up to your employer’s company policy. Like you would with any traditional pregnancy, speak in detail with your human resources department to determine what benefits will be available to you — and, if you have told them about your surrogate pregnancy, if and how your surrogacy will affect those benefits. Depending on the size of your company, you may be entitled to up to 12 weeks of unpaid, protected leave after birth as protected by federal law.

Keep in mind: Your surrogacy contract should list any lost wages you (or your spouse) anticipate from your surrogacy journey. The intended parents should reimburse you for that lost income.

Sharing Information with Your Coworkers

You will always have the right to share as much or as little information about your surrogacy with your coworkers as you feel comfortable with. However, keep in mind that news of your surrogate pregnancy will likely spread, and you may be faced with insensitive or uncomfortable comments and questions. If you do not specifically state that your pregnancy is a surrogacy, you may find yourself offered a baby shower at work or a similar celebration.  It’s important to think about all of these possibilities when weighing how much to share about your personal surrogacy journey.

If you feel comfortable doing so, you can take this as an opportunity to educate and spread awareness about the realities of the surrogacy process. Answer any questions you are comfortable answering and, when you aren’t, simply say something along the lines of, “My contract doesn’t allow me to divulge that information.”

Like your boss, many of your coworkers may end up being excited about your journey and congratulating you on your wonderful, selfless decision to help another person.

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Navigating your surrogate pregnancy at your workplace can be complicated, but preparation is a key part of making it a positive experience for you and your boss. If you have any questions about this situation, don’t hesitate to reach out to your surrogacy specialist today.

7 Tips for Making a Surrogacy Memory Book

Many parents-to-be love creating a memory book documenting their child’s journey into the world — and just because your child is being carried by a surrogate doesn’t mean that you can’t also create a memento for this important time in your life.

But, how exactly do you create a surrogacy memory book? Won’t it be complicated when a surrogate is involved?

Absolutely not! When you have a positive, genuine relationship with your surrogate, making a surrogacy memory book will be easier than you think. While it’s true that your child’s memory book will be slightly different because of the way they were brought into the world, a surrogacy memory book doesn’t need to be incredibly different from a memory book for those born traditionally and those brought into a family through adoption.

Here, find a few tips to help you if you are considering creating a surrogacy memory book:

1. Design it chronologically.

If you’ve never made a surrogacy memory book, it can be intimidating to start. However, when you decide to frame your book chronologically, this will give you an easy beginning, middle and end to work around.

When starting your surrogacy memory book, remember that this should be a happy document, so it may not be best to dwell upon the infertility struggles and other challenges that made you choose surrogacy. Instead, simply mention that you decided on surrogacy at a certain point in time, and then move forward with the rest of your book from there. You can use the important dates in your surrogacy journey as a starting point, and then include any other fun moments or mementos as fillers.

2. Include a table of contents.

Children often grow to love the memory books of how they came to be, and they may enjoy reading it over and over. They will usually fixate on different aspects of your surrogacy journey at different times in their life, so you may consider a table of contents to aide that. This way, your child (and anyone viewing the surrogacy memory book) can quickly flip to the section that they want to read about most.

3. Include the surrogate.

This may seem like a no-brainer, but there are many ways you can choose to include your surrogate in your child’s surrogacy memory book. In addition to including a page about who she is and how she was involved throughout the journey, you may also wish to let a surrogate add to the memory book, as well. You might suggest that she write a letter to your child about her experience, any fun moments she had, and why she chose to be a surrogate. Your surrogate can be instrumental in providing photos and other mementos that you can use in the memory book. For this reason, it can be a good idea to inform the surrogate of your plans to make a memory book as early as possible. Many surrogates are excited at this opportunity to document their experience!

4. Include other important people in your surrogacy journey.

Your surrogate isn’t the only one who was involved in bringing your child into the world, so consider including people like your surrogacy specialist, fertility professional and the doctor who delivered your baby. You can include photos and names and, depending on your relationship with these professionals, ask them if they also want to contribute to the memory book.

5. Make sure to explain certain aspects of the surrogacy experience.

Remember that the people who will eventually read your child’s surrogacy memory book may not understand how surrogacy works. Therefore, when you include important parts of the surrogacy process (like finding a surrogate or the embryo transfer), you should consider explaining them, as well. Not only will this help your child understand their surrogacy journey from an early age, it will also help spread awareness about the beauty — and truth — of surrogacy.

6. Leave room for future pages.

Surrogacy is not just a one-time process; your child’s surrogacy story will impact the rest of his or her life. Therefore, leave blank pages or pages with certain prompts for different times in your child’s life. For example, if you anticipate your child meeting your surrogate one day, create a page for that, leaving open spots for photos and other mementos.

7. Protect your surrogacy memory book.

Often, a surrogacy memory book can become a treasured item for a child. But, knowing how messy (and forgetful) children can be, take the steps early on to protect this book from future damage. Consider laminating any homemade scrapbook pages or placing them in protective sleeves, or work with a professional bookbinding and creation company like Shutterfly to include scanned documents, rather than precious, sentimental originals.

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More than anything else, when you’re creating your child’s surrogacy memory book, don’t forget to make it your own! There is no “right” way to make a memory book; instead, just focus on including what is important in your surrogacy story and what you want your child to know growing up. The best surrogacy memory books aren’t always the most creative ones; they are the ones in which intended parents have taken the time and effort to create something special.

You can always contact our surrogacy specialists at American Surrogacy for more tips and suggestions when creating your surrogacy memory book. To learn more today, please call 1-800-875-2229(BABY).