Author: afm

3 Things You Need to Know for World Cancer Day

Here at American Surrogacy, we know that many intended parents come to us after facing challenges in their lives. Some of our intended parents have found themselves struggling with infertility after a fight that was their hardest yet: cancer.

We recognize that many intended parents pursue surrogacy or another family-building method because their own fertility has been compromised by previous battles with cancer and the debilitating treatments it requires. That’s why we’re joining with the Union for International Cancer Control to raise awareness of World Cancer Day this Sunday, Feb. 4.

This year’s campaign continues the theme of “We can. I can.” — which emphasizes the power everyone has to reduce the global burden of cancer. To do our part, we’re raising awareness of the effect that cancer has on many people who wish to become parents and face infertility struggles during or after cancer treatments.

Here are three things you need to know about how cancer can affect the fertility of intended parents:

1. While cancer in the reproductive organs can affect fertility, most fertility issues come from the treatments involved with cancer.

Although the drug therapies involved in treating cancer are very good at killing cancer cells, they also have the potential to kill other important cells as well (which is why most chemotherapies cause hair cells to die). Therefore, there is a potential that certain cancer-fighting drugs can damage a woman’s eggs or a man’s sperm production. You can view a list of the drugs that can cause the most potential damage here.

2. How cancer affects a person’s fertility depends on several factors.

While certain drugs do have a higher risk of affecting a man or woman’s fertility, there are several other things that determine loss of fertility during and after cancer. This includes:

  • The age of the patient. For example, women who are treated before they are 35 have the best chance of becoming pregnant after treatment.
  • The steps taken to preserve fertility. A woman’s eggs can be frozen before cancer treatments in case the drugs she takes damage her eggs and ovaries beyond recovery.
  • The time from treatment to becoming pregnant. Women who have had chemotherapy before puberty or young women whose menstrual periods begin again after chemo are at risk for early menopause. However, if a woman gets pregnant too soon after her treatments, she has a higher risk of miscarriage or carrying a baby with genetic problems.
  • The type of cancer. Cancer of the reproductive organs may require removal of or surgery on those organs, which often causes infertility for both men and women.
3. Fertility outlooks for young people with cancer are better than ever.

The good news is that men and women diagnosed with cancer have a better chance of having a child naturally than ever before in the past. Today, women diagnosed with cancer are presented with fertility preservation techniques like egg-freezing to make it more likely that they can have a biological child later on in their life, either through their own pregnancy or through a method like surrogacy.

When a young woman is diagnosed with cancer, her oncologist will often discuss her options for preserving her fertility at the same time that they discuss possible cancer treatments. Oncologists will often refer women to a gynecologist or reproductive endocrinologist for more information on preserving their fertility before they begin their chemotherapy and radiation treatments.

Some good news: One study revealed that of the women who became pregnant after their cancer treatments, the rate of miscarriage and stillbirth was comparable to women who had not battled cancer.

—

Those who are interested in the effect of cancer on fertility should always speak to a medical professional for more information, especially if the question pertains to their own fertility. Know that if you cannot have a biological child on your own, the specialists at American Surrogacy are always available to talk to you about your family-building options and help you achieve your dream of having a biologically related child.

To help spread awareness of World Cancer Day, share information about the campaign with your friends and family through social media, word of mouth and more. Sharing this blog post is a good place to start.

With a little bit of help from everyone, we can work towards eradicating these diseases that bring pain to so many, especially those wishing to become parents.

10 Tips for New Surrogates

If you’re considering becoming a surrogate, congratulations! You’re about to embark on a life-changing journey and join thousands of women who have made a huge difference in someone else’s lives.

However, as much research as you’ve probably done up until the point, you may still have questions and concerns. What is it really like to be surrogate? How can you prepare for this journey?

Fortunately, when you work with American Surrogacy, your surrogacy specialist will be there to support you throughout your journey. Whatever advice and answers you need, she can provide them or help you find additional resources to help you, like former surrogates or professional counselors.

To help you prepare for this new step in your life, we’ve gathered some top tips from former surrogates who were once in your very situation:

1. Remember that you are part of a team.

Surrogacy is an involved process with many complicated aspects and steps. You will need to work closely with your surrogacy professionals and your intended parents to complete it successfully. While you will play an important role in the surrogacy journey, it’s not all about your experience; it will be a give-and-take with everyone else that’s involved.

2. Communication is key.

You and the intended parents will be pursuing a very intimate process with each other, so it’s helpful to build a positive and strong relationship from the beginning of your journey. There may be difficult moments throughout your surrogacy, and being able to easily and effectively communicate with each other will make those moments easier to move forward from.

3. Be prepared for the emotions of the process.

Surrogacy comes with both emotional highs and lows, and your surrogacy specialist will help you prepare for them. However, understand the potential for things like miscarriages, failed transfers and selective reductions and think about how you may respond to these situations. Remember, your surrogacy professional can help you connect with trained counselors if you need them.

4. The hormones from medication and pregnancy will affect you.

When you become a surrogate, you’ll potentially go through more hormonal changes as you take pre-transfer medications to regulate your hormones. The experience may or may not be comparable to your past pregnancies. Be prepared for the possibility that these hormones may affect your personality more than they did before.

5. Don’t feel pressured into a match unless you’re sure it’s right.

As a surrogate, you have the right to only carry for a family that you are 100 percent comfortable with. If this means you have to wait longer than normal to find the intended parents that you feel a connection with, that’s okay. Your surrogacy specialist will work with you to find the perfect family who fits all of your surrogacy preferences and goals.

6. Be comfortable with your contract and don’t sign anything until you are ready.

Similarly, you do not have to agree to the terms of your contract until you feel that your rights and interests are protected. You will be provided a personal lawyer for this stage of the process, and you can take all the time you need to discuss with him or her all your questions or concerns. You are never obligated to start any surrogacy processes until you sign your contract but, once you do sign, you will be legally obligated to follow every responsibility outlined in it.

7. Follow your contract and everything will be fine.

It’s normal to worry whether you are doing everything “right” in your time as a surrogate. However, as long as you follow what is stated in your contract and stay healthy as you are pregnant, you will be the best surrogate that intended parents could ask for. If you ever have any questions about your responsibilities, speak with your surrogacy specialist.

8. Be prepared for not everything to work out as planned.

Unfortunately, everything in your surrogacy journey may not work out the first time. It’s not uncommon for a surrogate to take a while to find the perfect intended parents, for the first transfer to fail or even for a miscarriage to occur. It can certainly be disheartening when a situation like this occurs, but know that it’s completely normal and that your surrogacy professionals will be there to help you move forward.

9. Stay in touch with your surrogacy professionals.

It’s been mentioned throughout this list, but don’t underestimate the importance of your surrogacy professionals throughout your surrogacy journey. They exist to support you through the challenges and rewards of the process — especially for first-time surrogates who aren’t sure what to expect. Don’t be afraid to reach out for their assistance when you need it.

10. Take care of yourself.

It’s easy to get lost in the bigger picture of your surrogacy journey – you’re helping to create a family and carrying the dreams of intended parents in your uterus. However, it’s important to remember the basics of caring for your physical and mental health during your surrogacy. Whatever else is happening, make sure to take the necessary steps to keep yourself healthy, as it will be instrumental to ensuring a positive, healthy surrogacy journey for everyone.

Want more tips from surrogates or have your own to add? Consider reaching out to surrogate support groups or contacting a surrogacy specialist at American Surrogacy to be connected with other surrogates like you.

The Truth About Multiple-Embryo Transfers

It’s an important conversation that every prospective surrogate and intended parent should have with their medical professional: How many embryos should I be comfortable with in a single transfer?

Ideally, this conversation should take place well before an embryo transfer — even before someone starts the surrogacy process at all. However, new research from FertilityIQ estimates that 1/5 of all patients undergoing infertility treatments are only educated about the facts of a multi-embryo transfer immediately before the procedure itself.

Clearly, both intended parents and surrogates need to advocate for themselves while preparing for this step of the surrogacy process.

At American Surrogacy, our specialists will help connect you with an appropriate medical professional early on in the process. This way, you can learn about the pros and cons of transferring multiple embryos to make the best decision for you.

Rather than solely relying on one doctor’s recommendation, it’s important that intended parents and surrogates do their own research to learn about this topic from several resources. To help you start that process, we’ve listed some of the basic information you need to know in this article.

The Basics and Risks of the Transfer Process

In every in vitro fertilization process, intended parents will need to decide how many embryos they want to transfer to the mother’s (or surrogate’s) uterus. Usually, this decision will be influenced by several factors, like:

A fertility doctor should speak at length with intended parents about this decision, as it’s one that has many different repercussions for all involved. Unfortunately, not all doctors take this approach — instead recommending one path over another, after which intended parents often go with the suggested embryo transfer number.

While each medical situation is unique, it’s important to note that transferring more than one embryo comes with well-documented risks. Carrying multiples increases medical complications for both mothers and children by almost five times. These medical complications, like early birth, can cost parents more money and cause more emotional distress than a single birth resulting from a single-embryo transfer.

Still, doctors may recommend multiple embryo transfers in older women to increase their chances of pregnancy, despite these risks. No matter what the situation, all intended parents should be fully educated about both options long before the transfer takes place.

So, Which is Better: A Single- or Multiple-Embryo Transfer?

It would appear that single-embryo transfer is the safer path to take, right? It may be, but many American intended parents today aren’t following this path.

As a whole, intended parents in the U.S. complete far more multiple-embryo transfers compared to single-embryo transfers than other countries — in fact, more than twice as often as intended parents in Australia, based on FertilityIQ’s research. This is due to several factors.

In the U.S., the cost of an IVF process is much more expensive than the cost of those in countries where the healthcare system is paid for or greatly subsidized by the government. Therefore, intended parents often transfer more than one embryo their first time to reduce the chance that they need to pay for more than one transfer process.

Research also shows that there is no consistent education offered to intended parents among fertility clinics. The amount and accuracy of information will vary based on the doctor being used — which could be a possible reason why so many intended parents choose to do a multiple-embryo transfer early in the process.

The discussion about how many embryos to transfer in the surrogacy process is an even more complicated one. After all, the risks of a multiple-embryo transfer will not be carried by the intended parents but by the surrogate — which should impact the intended parents’ desire to transfer multiple embryos in the first place.

The American Society for Reproductive Medicine usually only advises one healthy embryo be transferred in women up to age 38, because “in patients of any age, transfer of a euploid embryo has the most favorable prognosis and should be limited to one.” Therefore, many surrogates and intended parents will determine during their legal contract phase that their embryo transfer will be limited to one for each transfer process. If it is decided that multiple embryos will be transferred, the contract should also address the financial protections for the possibility of carrying multiples and any subsequent complications.

If intended parents or a surrogate are considering a multiple-embryo transfer during surrogacy, we recommend you speak in detail with your surrogacy specialist and your fertility doctor for more information about the risks and benefits of doing so. The surrogacy specialists at American Surrogacy are always available to discuss your personal surrogacy situation if you call them at 1-800-875-2229(BABY) today.

Task Force Recommendation a Step Toward Legal Surrogacy in New York

For years, intended parents and surrogates who live in New York have been forced to decide: Do they complete a surrogacy in their home state, where surrogacy contracts are unenforceable and compensation is illegal, or do they look to a different state to make their surrogacy dreams come true?

New developments from the state’s Health Department’s Task Force on Life and Laws indicate this dilemma may not exist for much longer.

In December, the state task force issued a recommendation that New York do away with its decades-old ban on commercial surrogacy. The recommendation cited cultural changes and advances in reproductive medicine science — like the use of in vitro fertilization in gestational surrogacy — as an encouragement to legalize this modern family-building process. Soon after the recommendation’s announcement, the National Infertility Association issued a statement in support.

The movement toward legalizing gestational commercial surrogacy has been building for a long time in the New York legislature. In 2012, a bill called the “Child-Parent Security Act” was introduced that would allow surrogacy arrangements for surrogates with no genetic relationship to the child they carry. However, this bill stalled in both houses of the state legislature.

The recommendation has its critics from the task force, and what will happen from here is still up in the air. Most likely, the aforementioned surrogacy bill will be introduced again into the legislature, to be debated on in roundtable discussions.

In the meantime, stay up to date on the most recent developments, and always speak with a New York surrogacy attorney if you are interested in the current state of surrogacy laws there.

If you are interested in learning more about the surrogacy process in a surrogacy-friendly state, the specialists at American Surrogacy can answer your questions and help you connect with an intended parent or surrogate in one of those states. Please contact our surrogacy agency at 1-800-875-2229(BABY) to start your surrogacy process today.

The Truth About Finding a Surrogate on the Internet

With the advent of social media as a way for intended parents and surrogates — current and former — to connect with each other, it’s become more common for intended parents to try to bypass the extra costs of a surrogacy agency and instead find a surrogate on their own through the internet.

While this process may be successful for some, intended parents should proceed on this path with caution. As with every part of the surrogacy journey, it’s important to be as educated as possible about this choice to safely and successfully reach your surrogacy goals.

At American Surrogacy, we highly recommend all intended parents find a surrogate through our pre-screened, intense matching services, rather than on their own. However, if you are considering finding a match independently, there are a few things you should know.

The Pros of Finding a Surrogate on the Internet

For many intended parents, the reason they choose to find a surrogate independently through the internet is because of the possibility of saving money. When intended parents find a surrogate with an agency, they will need to pay agency matching and screening fees. While these fees are often well worth the safety and security an agency matching program provides, some intended parents choose to save that extra money and find a match on their own.

Finding a match independently also gives intended parents more control and responsibility over choosing a surrogate that’s perfect for them. While this may be a disadvantage for some intended parents, others find this fits their expectations much better, especially if they want to manage their personal surrogacy process. They may find more options for prospective surrogates and be able to complete a more detailed search than they would through an agency, looking for specific traits that an agency may not look for.

Intended parents who find a surrogate online may be able to develop a deeper relationship with a prospective surrogate before finalizing a match, and their surrogacy relationship may be more personal than one created through an agency matching program.

Finally, another advantage of finding a surrogate online is a wider variety of women open to being a traditional surrogate — as it’s rare for a surrogacy professional to complete this kind of surrogacy today.

The Cons of Finding a Surrogate on the Internet

As mentioned, one of the advantages of finding a surrogate online can also be a disadvantage. Independently finding a match requires an intended parent to take on more responsibility in determining their personal surrogate requirements, communicating with a total stranger and completing any initial screening. Any intended parents who are uncomfortable with this responsibility should consider using an agency’s matching services.

When an intended parent finds a surrogate through a source other than an agency, their surrogate has usually not undergone the necessary screening steps to ensure she is truly ready for the surrogacy journey. Therefore, intended parents will need to do initial screening themselves to see if a surrogate meets basic requirements and then pay for screening by a surrogacy agency or fertility clinic. If a surrogate does not meet the necessary requirements, intended parents will typically need to start from the beginning again — which can delay their surrogacy journey in the way a pre-screened agency opportunity would not.

Some surrogates found online may request to continue working without an agency, which can come with its own risks. Intended parents who wish to work with an agency for other aspects of the surrogacy journey may find themselves pressured into an independent surrogacy after finding the perfect match on their own — which can cause complications in meeting their personal surrogacy goals and preferences. Don’t forget that a fully independent surrogacy also comes with certain risks due to a lack of professional guidance.

Finally, remember that while the internet can be a vast resource, it also makes it easier for women to scam hopeful parents by pretending to be a surrogate or a prospective birth mother in adoption. Take caution when finding a surrogate over the internet, as there is unfortunately always the potential for fraud.

—

If you do find a surrogate on your own, remember that professionals like American Surrogacy can still offer agency services at a discounted price and complete all of the screening you need to safely start your surrogacy process. Any intended parent looking for a surrogate match online should make it clear from the beginning that they wish to work with a surrogacy agency to ensure they find the right match for them.

On the other hand, any intended parents who want professional guidance in finding a surrogate can contact the surrogacy specialists at American Surrogacy to start the pre-screened, matching process. Learn more today by calling 1-800-875-2229(BABY).

10 Signs that You’d Make a Great Surrogate

Surrogates are selfless, generous women who give their time, energy and body to someone else who desperately hopes to be a parent. It’s a great commitment — one a woman should only make when she’s sure it’s right for her.

But, if you’re considering surrogacy, how do really you know when you’re ready to be a surrogate? What are some signs that this is a good path for you?

Each woman is different, so it’s important that you speak with a surrogacy specialist at American Surrogacy before committing to this process, so you can understand exactly what to expect.

However, there are a few characteristics that all great surrogates share. Find out what they are below and, if you think they describe you, contact American Surrogacy at 1-800-875-2229 today to start your surrogacy journey.

1. You’re healthy enough to be a surrogate.

All surrogates must meet certain health requirements to undergo an embryo transfer and successfully carry a surrogate pregnancy to term. This includes having a certain BMI, no previous pregnancy complications and no use of anti-depressants or anti-anxiety medication. Talk to a surrogacy agency or a surrogacy clinic to find out whether you meet these surrogate health requirements.

2. You are currently raising a child.

All surrogates must have successfully carried one pregnancy already and be raising a child in their home. Having already been pregnant, you are better prepared for the emotional and medical challenges of pregnancy. You will also have a child to come home to in case you experience any emotional difficulties after the intended parents’ baby is born.

3. You and your spouse have completed your family.

While surrogacy professionals take every step to make sure your safety is accounted for, there are certain inherent medical risks of the surrogacy process. One of these is the loss of reproductive organs or the inability to get pregnant again. All surrogates should be comfortable with the size of their family before they start the process, just in case these losses occur.

4. You enjoy being pregnant.

Most surrogates truly love the pregnancy experience but don’t want to have any more children of their own. Therefore, surrogacy is the perfect solution. If you’re in this situation, surrogacy may be the right path for you.

5. You are ready to commit to the demands of surrogacy.

Surrogacy involves an extensive medical process and, often, the whole journey takes a year or longer. If you want to become a surrogate, you should be ready to work with intended parents for that long and understand that your own life may need to change in order for that to happen (for example, taking time off work or being unable to spend as much time with your family).

6. You are an organized person.

As mentioned, being a surrogate requires many different appointments, as well as medication, meetings with your surrogacy specialist, and more. A good surrogate can stay organized and on top of all of these requirements without becoming overwhelmed.

7. Your spouse supports your surrogacy decision.

While you are the one carrying someone else’s baby, your decision will directly affect your spouse, as well. You will be required to attend many appointments, and your spouse may need to take on additional responsibilities when you can’t perform your usual parental duties. Therefore, it’s critical that your spouse supports your decision and is ready for the challenges that may accompany it.

8. Your friends and family support you.

Just as your spouse will be required to take on additional responsibilities, you may find yourself leaning on friends and family members for help, too. Every surrogate should identify a surrogacy support system before beginning the process to ensure she has the assistance she may need for childcare, transportation, house-keeping, etc.

9. You are financially stable.

While being a surrogate does qualify you for surrogate compensation, the manner in which the compensation is dispensed means that you should be financially independent before starting the surrogacy journey. Women who are solely interested in surrogacy for the financial aspect usually won’t make great surrogates; instead, women who understand compensation is an added bonus to helping create a family will be ideal candidates.

10. You want to help create a family.

Above all else, the best quality for a prospective surrogate to have is the altruistic and generous desire to help create a family where there may not have been one before. Indeed, this desire is a requirement for becoming a surrogate, and many surrogacy professionals will ask about this if you’re considering becoming a surrogate. If you, like many surrogates, have wanted to help create families for a long time, surrogacy will be the perfect path for you.

—

While these are important signs that a woman will make a great surrogate, they are also just a few of the qualifications of surrogacy. To learn more about whether you will be a good surrogate with American Surrogacy, contact a surrogacy specialist to discuss the specifics of our surrogacy program.

33 Questions to Ask Intended Parents as a Surrogate

Prospective surrogates who are waiting for a match often ask, “What questions do I ask intended parents?”

As you prepare for your initial conversation with the intended parents, your surrogacy specialist will give you all the important details you need to know about them and their situation. She will also help you gather a list of questions, offering suggestions of both what to ask and what not to ask.

Ultimately, you’ll want to ask the questions that you are most interested in and that will help you determine whether these are the right intended parents for you. To help you out, we’ve listed a few of the important questions you might considering asking:

About the Intended Parents

  • What kind of things do you like to do? What are your interests?
  • What are your personality types? What do you like best about each other?
  • What do you do for a living?
  • What is your immediate and extended family like? Are they supportive of your surrogacy plans?
  • What are your values? What’s important to you?
  • If you’re speaking with a couple: How did you two meet? What is your “love story?”

About Their Surrogacy Goals

  • Why did you decide on surrogacy? Why do you think it’s the best choice for you?
  • How committed are you to the surrogacy process?
  • When did you start your surrogacy process?
  • What are you looking for in a relationship with a surrogate before, during and after the surrogacy process?
  • What do you want to know about me as a prospective surrogate?
  • How many embryo transfers do you think you will attempt? And how many embryos do you want to transfer at a time?
  • Are you using your own embryo, egg or sperm?
  • Are you willing to get to know my partner and children during the surrogacy process?
  • What are your thoughts on selective reduction and termination?
  • Do you have certain surrogacy, legal or medical professionals in mind for your surrogacy?
  • How do you plan to be involved during the surrogacy process?
  • Who do you want to be in the hospital room when I give birth?
  • Would you like me to pump breast milk for your baby after birth?

About Their Parenthood Plans

  • What kind of parents do you see yourselves being?
  • What do you plan to tell your child about their surrogacy?
  • What do you plan to tell your child about me if I am your surrogate?
  • How else will you incorporate surrogacy into your child’s life?
  • Do you want to have more children, or will this be your only child?
  • If this surrogacy is successful, would you consider completing another, or would you use another method to add to your family?
  • What are you most looking forward to about being parents?

A first conversation with intended parents need not include all of these questions, by any means. Prospective surrogates should choose the topics that are most important to them for an initial meeting, which many describe as similar to a first date.

You will have the chance for more conversations after, and a lot of the detailed, more complicated questions can be addressed during those and during your legal contract negotiation.

For more advice on how to prepare for this first conversation with possible intended parents, contact your surrogacy specialist today at 1-800-875-2229.

6 Things to Look for in a Gamete Donor

Like choosing a gestational surrogate, selecting the right gamete donor — whether you need an egg, sperm, or both — can be difficult. You might not be sure what to look for in a potential donor, but this person will contribute 50 percent of your child’s genetic makeup, so it’s important that you choose wisely!

If you’re beginning your search for an egg and/or sperm donor, this guide will help.

Anonymous vs. Identified Donors

First, you’ll need to decide whether you want to work with an anonymous donor or an identified donor.

An anonymous egg or sperm donor has a profile that usually includes basic, non-identifying information about the donor’s health, appearance and a bit more. It’s usually noted on each profile whether or not the donor is to remain anonymous or is willing to be identified if the need arises for more information in the future.

An identified egg or sperm donor, also called a known donor, is willing to provide their identifying information or exchange contact with the intended parents before or after the intended parents’ child is born. There is more information offered about these donors to intended parents through their profiles, and these donors are willing to talk to you and your child if contacted.

Identified donors can also be someone that you know, like a close friend.

Today, many professionals recommend using an identified donor whenever possible. Research on open adoption has shown that a child’s knowledge of his or her genetic history can be incredibly important, not only for medical purposes, but also for identity development and emotional well-being.

The 6 Things You Should Consider in a Potential Egg or Sperm Donor

The importance of each of these points will probably rank differently to everyone, but you should consider all of them when looking at a potential donor. In no particular order, here are the six things you should keep in mind for a donor:

1. Health

All egg and sperm donors must meet certain health requirements before they may donate. Check with your individual professional to learn more about their criteria for donors, as these requirements can vary. Generally, donors must prove that they’re in good health through a medical screening process, and must provide family history on both sides. Keep in mind that nobody’s family health history is spotless, including your own.

The surrogacy process also includes preimplantation genetic screening (PGS) and prenatal testing to look for, prevent or potentially treat any birth defects, disorders or diseases that could be present and genetically inheritable.

2. Blood Type

Having a child who shares your blood type can be helpful in an emergency, in the event that one of you needs to donate blood to the other. This is a lower priority for most intended parents, but if a donor you feel drawn to matches your blood type or your spouse’s, it can be an added benefit.

3. Appearance

For many intended parents, having a child that looks like them or their spouse is important. Identified donors are usually asked to provide current photos of themselves as well as a childhood photo so you can try to imagine what your child might look like if you work with a particular donor.

Remember that the appearance of your child is largely guesswork. For example, maybe both of your parents were very tall, and you’re barely five feet tall. Your fertility specialist can help you find donors that match what you’re looking for appearance-wise, but nature can still be unpredictable, so don’t get too caught up in finding someone who looks just right.

4. Intelligence

Similar to the health requirements, sometimes donors must meet minimum education requirements as a means to measure intelligence and drive. This may mean having at least an undergraduate degree, meeting minimum SAT scores or other educational accomplishments.

There are many different kinds of intelligence, and a person’s interests and upbringing can play into how they perform in certain fields academically. While your donor may affect your child’s intelligence to some extent, genetics are not the only determining factor in intelligence.

5. Personality

It can be difficult to feel as if you know someone through an online profile, but often, a donor’s personality shines through. Certain personality traits can be genetically influenced, in addition to being affected by a person’s environment and upbringing.

Perhaps you’re hoping for a child to share in your sense of humor, and you’d like to find a donor who also has that same personality trait in the hopes that it might be passed on to your child. Or maybe you admire a certain personality trait, like a special talent that a donor has, and you hope your child might receive that gift, too. Either way, personality may not always be inherited by a child, but it’s an important thing to consider in a potential donor nonetheless.

6. A Connection

This is likely the most important thing to look for in an egg or sperm donor. When you view a potential donor’s profile, you’ll hopefully feel a sense of connection with the right one. Many intended parents describe a sense of “rightness” or of having a thought of, “That’s the one.”

Nobody is absolutely perfect, so if a donor meets most of your preferred criteria but doesn’t check off all of your boxes, don’t worry — especially if you feel a connection with that donor.

The best advice for intended parents who are choosing an egg or sperm donor is surprisingly simplistic, but very effective — trust your gut. If you have any questions about using donor gametes in surrogacy, or if you’re ready to start the surrogacy process, call 1-800-875-BABY (1-800-875-2229) now.

Can You Choose the Gender of Your Baby with Surrogacy?

Often, when intended parents consider in vitro fertilization and surrogacy, they wonder, “Can you choose the gender of your baby?”

With celebrities like Chrissy Teigen and John Legend openly speaking about their own gender selection of their daughter, the question of choosing a boy or girl through the IVF process has historically been a bit ethically complicated. Medically, however, the answer is straightforward — those pursuing IVF can choose the gender of their baby.

Those pursuing in vitro fertilization will learn that there are many steps to this medical process, especially if it will be followed up with a surrogate pregnancy, and how to choose your baby’s gender as a part of this is equally as complicated.

In short, the IVF process itself doesn’t automatically allow for the creation of an embryo of a certain gender, so to say, but rather lends itself to gender selection before the embryo is transferred.

Why Gender “Selection” Isn’t What You Think

While intended parents may theoretically have the ability to “choose” the gender of their baby with IVF, the selection is a bit more complicated than just telling their doctor “boy” or “girl.”

Before an embryo can be cleared for transfer into a uterus (whether that’s an intended mother’s or a surrogate’s), most fertility clinics will complete preimplantation genetic screening. This screening takes a detailed look at an embryo’s chromosomal makeup to determine whether it is healthy enough for transfer and in-utero development. As part of this screening, medical professionals are also able to identify the sex of the embryo.

Intended parents should not prioritize the sex of an embryo in choosing an embryo to implant. Instead, a fertility professional will examine the results of the screening to determine which embryos appear to be the healthiest. From there, intended parents may be able to choose gender of their baby if they have two equally healthy embryos of different sexes.

The likelihood of this happening can be small; one doctor estimates that only about 15 to 20 percent of IVF cases result in equally healthy embryos of each sex. Of these, only about half of intended parents choose a specific gender.

Keep in mind: Most fertility doctors will encourage intended parents to transfer the embryo(s) of higher quality, regardless of its sex.

Ethical Considerations of Choosing the Gender of Your Baby

Being able to choose the gender of your baby, while only available to those who complete the IVF process, is more common than it used to be. In response, choosing baby genders has become a hot-button topic for many people.

However, even in these situations, gender selection is more a matter of personal preference than discrimination against one sex or the other. For example, intended parents who select a certain gender most often do so to bring a sense of balance to an existing family — like if they already have a boy and want a girl, or vice versa.

Some critics do argue about the “slippery slope” of choosing sex during the IVF process, claiming it will lead to genetic modification and other “unnatural” changes to the reproduction process. Unfortunately, there have always been critics of any medically assisted pregnancy — and these critics often offer the same arguments.

In response to this, it’s important to remember that embryo health and safety is the most important factor in selecting a viable embryo. Doctors will always encourage intended parents to do what is the most likely to result in a successful implantation, which usually involves choosing the healthier embryo (no matter which sex) and refraining from additional medical procedures that could make it more vulnerable to miscarriage.

If you are interested in whether it is possible to choose baby gender in your IVF process, discuss the topic with your doctor. They may or may not allow for sex selection when transferring embryos. If they do, they can explain what their specific requirements are for a healthy embryo and to what degree your own preferences will make a difference.

10 Steps for Proper Self-Care During the Surrogacy Process

Whether you’re waiting to become an intended parent or become a surrogate, this part of your surrogacy journey can be tough. In most cases, there is not much you can do and the work is left up to your professionals to get you approved and matched to start the process. And, even after this is done, there will be more waiting during the pregnancy part of the surrogacy process.

Wherever you are in the waiting periods of your surrogacy, it’s important that you take the necessary steps to care for yourself along the way. Surrogacy is an emotional journey and, if you don’t address your emotions and take the time for self-care early, these emotions can quickly become more difficult issues to overcome.

Remember, your surrogacy specialist at American Surrogacy will always be available to talk you through whatever you may be feeling during your surrogacy experience and suggest any resources that may help.

You can always take time for yourself through some simple self-care routines, like:

1. Working out — or going for a simple walk.

Exercise boosts endorphins so, if you’re feeling blue or overwhelmed during your surrogacy journey, a breath of fresh air and getting your blood pumping can help put you back in a positive mindset.

2. Journaling your feelings.

Surrogacy involves a lot of complicated steps that come with complex emotions, no matter whether you’re a prospective surrogate or an intended parent. Sometimes, it can be difficult to verbalize these feelings, and you might find a release in writing your thoughts and feelings down in a journal just for yourself.

3. Talking to your partner or another close friend.

On the other hand, if you want someone to bounce your thoughts off (other than your surrogacy specialist), you may try talking with a close friend or family member. While they may not understand exactly what you are going through, they can usually offer empathy and sympathy and help you talk through your feelings.

4. Treating yourself to something special.

The surrogacy process can be a draining one that leaves many surrogates and intended parents stressed out. To counteract that, consider doing something nice for yourself — take a long bath, buy yourself your favorite meal, or see that movie you’ve always wanted to see. Your focus doesn’t need to be — and shouldn’t be — on surrogacy every minute of the day.

5. Reconnecting with your partner, if applicable.

Surrogacy can take a lot out of spouses and, to keep a healthy relationship, you’ll need to focus on something other than surrogacy for a bit. Whether it’s going on a fancy, romantic date night or doing a fun activity together, take some time to reconnect with your spouse and express your love and appreciation for each other.

6. Being unafraid to say “no.”

The surrogacy process will likely take a lot of your time and energy, and you shouldn’t feel bad about not being able to live the same life as before. If you are feeling stressed about attending events or doing certain things you used to before you started your surrogacy journey, don’t be. “No” can be one of the best words for someone to learn as part of their self-care routine.

7. Taking a break when you need it.

Even those who are not going through the surrogacy process can’t be perfect all the time — and you shouldn’t be, either. Whenever you need to take a break (for example: meditating silently or removing yourself from a certain situation), do it. Your mental health will thank you.

8. Eating and drinking well.

Your mental health isn’t the only thing self-care will help; you should also take steps to maintain your physical health as well. In addition to exercising, this means feeding your body the healthy food it craves and staying well hydrated. The better you feel physically, the clearer your mind and your emotions will be as you pursue the surrogacy process.

9. Getting the sleep you need.

On the same note, a full night’s sleep is integral to a healthy body and mind. A lack of sleep causes a lack of focus and a negative attitude. An appropriate amount of sleep, on the other hand, can help you avoid illness and give you a more positive outlook, even when things seem difficult.

10. Take it day by day.

By its very nature, surrogacy is a process that looks to the future, when intended parents finally have the baby they’ve been dreaming about and a surrogate has finally helped build another family. However, focusing on these long-term goals can be equally as draining as they are exciting. To stay positive, surrogacy specialists encourage intended parents and surrogates to focus on small, daily goals to make the process seem more achievable at various points in the process.