As the beginning of a new year rolls around, people will be making all kinds of New Year’s resolutions. For those who are in the process of building their family, it can be a bittersweet time — another year without having the child they dream of but also a new year with new opportunities.

While it’s easy for intended parents in the middle of a family-building process (whether it’s surrogacy or another path) to focus on the things that haven’t yet happened, it’s also an opportunity to focus on the positive parts of the journey that await. During this time, it may be a good idea to reevaluate your family-building process and come up with a few positive resolutions for this new year.

Here are some suggestions to start:

1. Learn more about the surrogacy process and other family-building processes.

You may or may not have started your personal surrogacy journey yet as an intended parent but, even if you have, it’s never too late to learn more about this journey you are taking. To help alleviate some of the concerns you may have about this process of becoming a parent, you may commit yourself to doing more research about surrogacy and all of your other family-building options to have a better idea of what to expect moving forward. Education is the key to a successful family-building process and, if you feel stuck in your own journey, it may help you understand where to go from here.

2. Revisit your personal surrogacy goals.

Along the same lines, intended parents who haven’t found success yet may consider reevaluating their own surrogacy goals and preferences. While you should always pursue a process that you’re comfortable with, looking back over your personal surrogacy plan may bring up new and revised ideas now that you know a bit more about the process. Your surrogacy specialist at American Surrogacy will always help you with this, whether you want to change something or just confirm your existing desires.

3. Understand and manage your finances.

Every intended parent knows that fertility treatments like surrogacy can be expensive. If you are in the midst of your surrogacy process, you may consider starting your new year with a renewed emphasis on budgeting and saving — even if you aren’t yet feeling the strain of your family-building expenses. This is also a good life habit for everyone to have.

4. Find an additional support system.

Waiting to find a surrogate or for your baby to be born can be a difficult time. If it’s been especially hard on you, you may start your new year by searching for others who can support you through this process. There are many intended parent support groups where you can talk with people who have been in the same situation and develop valuable friendships that will help you through this journey.

5. Reconnect with each other and with your family and friends.

The waiting period of the family-building process can take a lot out of intended parents, especially when they’ve already gone through extensive steps to be approved for and start the process in the first place. It’s not unusual for personal relationships to be put on pause during the initial stages of tackling infertility.

In this new year, you may refocus on these relationships. Your family and friends are an important part of your personal support system. They know just how much you want to be a parent, and they can be there to help you through the ups and downs of the family-building process. Reconnecting with these people can also provide a much-needed break from the trials of infertility, allowing you to focus on happier things. Remember, your infertility need not define your whole life, even when you desperately want to have a child.

—

A new year represents a new start — and, for intended parents, it is another opportunity to reach your parenthood dreams. A positive outlook and personalized New Year’s resolutions will help move you a step closer to the child you’ve always wanted.

One of the most exciting times for an intended parent is when their surrogate’s pregnancy is confirmed by their fertility clinic. After all the waiting and hoping, the tangible proof of their parenthood dreams coming true is in front of them.

While intended parents are likely still cautious about putting too much hope into a pregnancy in its early stages, once a physician deems the pregnancy safe, you should be excited to move forward with your parenthood journey — which means preparing for the imminent arrival of your little bundle of joy.

Just like anyone who has a child in a traditional way, you are now expecting, and you can take this time during your surrogate’s pregnancy to prepare yourself for all the challenges and joys of parenthood.  To stay busy and productive during this waiting period, there are a few steps you can take.

1. Learn as much as you can about parenting.

No one is ever fully prepared for the unique challenges of parenting, but that doesn’t mean you can’t take steps to make it a little easier. There are thousands of resources to help you learn more about becoming a parent and caring for a newborn baby. Consider:

• Reading parenting books
• Taking parenting classes
• Talking to other parents
• Attending parenting support groups

Because there is so much information available, seeking it out can seem overwhelming. Choose a couple of methods that work best for you and topics that you are most interested in. No one knows everything about being a parent before they become one, so remember that there will be a learning curve as you adjust to your new lives as parents of a newborn.

2. Prepare your home for your baby’s arrival.

There are many important steps expectant parents need to take before they can bring a baby home into a safe environment. Most homes are not already baby-proofed, so parents need to make sure all dangerous items are locked away, and all outlets and sharp edges are covered. Find a baby-proofing checklist here.

You should also start gathering necessary supplies for your baby’s arrival, as well as decorating the nursery. Make sure you have the proper crib and stroller for your baby, as well as other supplies like nursing materials and baby clothes. Not only will this step physically prepare you to bring a child home, but it can play a key role in the “nesting” process and mentally prepare you for becoming a parent.

3. Identify your support system.

You know the phrase, “It takes a village?” It’s true — no parents are able to raise their children completely on their own.

It’s important to recognize that, even if you want to be the superhero parent, you will need extra helping hands at certain times in your parenthood journey. Whether you need to identify a local, trained babysitter or talk to your parents about being there in times of need, you should understand where you can turn to for parenting support after bringing your baby home. This may also include finding a local parent support group or taking advantage of resources your local hospital provides.

4. Prepare your hospital kit.

Speaking of hospitals: Even though intended parents are not giving birth themselves, they will still need to create a hospital kit for their baby’s delivery. Not only will this kit include materials for you but also important baby supplies like a going-home outfit and a car seat. Intended parents who are working with a long-distance surrogate will need to pack more supplies for a journey across state lines for their child’s birth.

Expectant parents will usually know whether or not their surrogate will be scheduled for an induction or a cesarean-section. Just in case, most professionals advise parents to pack a hospital bag starting at 35 weeks of pregnancy. As you pack, make sure to speak with your surrogate’s hospital to find out which supplies they already provide.

5. Understand what bonding steps you need to take.

When you are expecting via surrogacy, you will not have the same bonding experience as parents do in a traditional pregnancy. But this doesn’t mean that you can’t have any prenatal bonding at all.

There are many ways that an intended parent can still bond with their baby in utero, and your surrogacy specialist can provide some suggestions if you’re interested in this topic. Some of these may include:

• Using Bellybuds or a similar speaker system
• Providing a transitional item, like recordings of music you typically play around the house
• Striving for as much skin-on-skin contact as possible soon after the baby is born

—

Your surrogacy professional can always provide more suggestions to help you prepare after your surrogate’s pregnancy has been confirmed. Consider throwing a baby shower or a similar event to help you share the good news with all of your family and friends. Just because you are not pregnant yourself doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the congratulations and attention — or that you should shirk the responsibilities of preparing to bring your baby home.

With proper preparation and mindset, the time you wait for your baby to be born will fly by before you even know it.

For many people, surrogacy is an exciting new family-building process that they don’t know a lot about. Intended parents going through the surrogacy process, therefore, find themselves in educator roles as their friends, family and acquaintances want to learn more about this family-building journey.

Unfortunately, some of the questions and comments from those unfamiliar with surrogacy can be insensitive or even rude and, as an intended parent, you’ve likely heard them more than once. We know these comments can be frustrating and annoying, so we’ve compiled them here for you to share with family and friends — and help them understand exactly what not to say to you and other hopeful parents in your situation.

1. “Aren’t you worried the surrogate will want to keep the baby?”

Because many people don’t understand how surrogacy works, intended parents get this question a lot. Surrogacy is not like adoption; it’s a legal contract that binds a surrogate and intended parents to certain expectations. If you’re in the midst of a surrogate pregnancy, your surrogate choosing to keep the baby isn’t even an option — and this question doesn’t even apply. You and your surrogate both know that she’s only “babysitting” your child for you, and she’s just as excited as you are to help create your family.

2. “You’re so lucky — you can keep your figure if you don’t get pregnant!”

Like many intended parents, you would give anything to be able to carry your child on your own. Missing out on the pregnancy experience isn’t a happy joke; it’s something that you wish you had every day. This comment can be the most hurtful of them all, as it usually comes from those who have never experienced infertility and don’t understand the feelings you’ve gone through before deciding on surrogacy.

3. “How much are you paying your surrogate?”

Finances are never anyone else’s business but for some reason, when you’re building a family in a non-traditional way, people feel like it’s okay to ask you about the cost involved. The only people who are privy to this information are you, your surrogate and your adoption professional — and people should know that.

4. “How do you know you can trust your surrogate?”

You and your surrogate have a special relationship; after all, this woman is sacrificing her time and body to help you become the parent you’ve always dreamed of being. For someone to tarnish that by questioning her should offend you. Never mind all of the physical and mental screening your surrogate went through before matching with you — you chose her and that should be enough of a seal of approval.

5. “Who is the baby’s real mother?”

For some reason, some people don’t put two and two together to realize that IVF is involved in surrogacy. Just because intended mothers aren’t the ones carrying their child doesn’t mean they’re any less of a mother to their baby.

In cases of egg donation with a male same-sex couple, people are also curious about whom the egg donor was. That’s only between the intended fathers and their child. Being our friend or family member doesn’t automatically obligate you to this information until we’re ready to share it.

6. “Whose sperm are you using?”

On the same note, when two gay men have a child via surrogacy together, people always want to know who the “real” father is. Why should it matter? Both fathers are going to love and support their child, no matter which one shares DNA with their baby. Unless we willingly share our baby’s genetic makeup with you, take a hint and don’t ask us about it.

7. “There are so many waiting children out there. Why didn’t you just adopt?”

People always have their thoughts on what kind of family-building process an infertile couple should pursue but — let’s say it again for those in the back — it’s none of their business. You could ask the same question of all those parents who easily had children naturally. The fact is not all family-building processes work for everyone, and you only decided on surrogacy once you were sure it was the right choice for your family.

 —

As surrogacy continues to become a more popular way of building a family, it’s likely that more and more people will be educated about the intricacies and emotions of the process — but we can still bet there will be one or two people who ask the questions all intended parents are tired of hearing. Remember, if you’re having trouble addressing these comments or feel overwhelmed by the emotions they’re bringing up, you can always speak to your experienced surrogacy specialist or other intended parents who have been through the same thing.

What do you think: Have you heard all of these? Are there any we missed?  Comment below to let us know!

The holidays are supposed to be a time of good cheer and glad tidings, but for those facing personal struggles — like infertility — it can sometimes be difficult to get into the holiday spirit.

If you are coping with infertility, here are five things you can do to combat the holiday blues this year:

1. Be prepared.

 The holidays tend to go hand-in-hand with family gatherings, which means there’s a good chance you’ll find yourself surrounded by kids, happy new parents and even pregnancy announcements. It also means there’s a good chance that your own plans for starting or adding to your family might come up in conversation.

Try to prepare yourself for these scenarios. Decide ahead of time how you’ll react if a well-meaning relative plops a baby into your arms, and consider how you want to answer the inevitable “So, are you thinking of having kids anytime soon?” questions. You might develop some stock answers or use it as an opportunity to open up about your infertility — if you feel ready.

You are always entitled to your feelings, and it is always up to you to decide how you want to respond to nosy or insensitive questions and comments. But having a plan in place can help you better handle these tough situations and the emotions that may come with them.

2. Say no.

 You don’t have to accept every invitation, and if you do attend a party or gathering and start feeling overwhelmed, you’re not obligated to stay. Saying “no” to close friends and family members may not be easy, but it’s important to take care of yourself and to do what you think is best for you. If a particular family tradition or event seems like it might be too emotionally difficult for you, it’s okay to say so; don’t feel guilty about not participating.

If you do decide to opt out of certain gatherings, consider making alternative plans. Book a getaway with your partner, or host your own holiday celebration with adult friends (and no children).

3. Reach out.

 Feeling less-than-merry during the holidays can feel isolating. But, if you’re struggling this holiday season, know that you’re not alone. Even if you’re not quite ready to open up about your attempts to conceive around the Christmas dinner table, it’s important to talk to someone about the challenges you’re going through.

Don’t be afraid to lean on your support system, and consider reaching out to an infertility counselor for help. There are many infertility support groups and forums that may also provide the comfort and solidarity you need, as well.

4. Communicate.

 The most important person in your support network is your partner — and it’s especially vital that you keep communication open with him or her during the holidays. Don’t forget to check in with each other about how you’re handling things, especially if one of you is having a particularly hard time coming to terms with your infertility.

Also, make sure you both are on the same page about which events are musts and which you’d rather skip. Talk about your game plan for answering those sensitive questions. Develop a signal you can use if one of you needs to bail on a party early. Be a unified front, and you will get through the holidays together.

5. Celebrate.

 Again, you are always entitled to your feelings, and you should allow yourself time to feel sad and to acknowledge any grief, anger and other emotions you may be experiencing.

But, you should also take some time to try to find meaning in the holidays, too. Look for positive moments to celebrate — take part in the traditions that mean the most to you and bring you joy, or start new ones with your partner. Consider volunteering or donating to a cause that’s important to you. There are many ways to mark the holidays, so find what works for you.