Author: Indikon Media

What if the Intended Parents Miss Their Baby’s Birth?

Intended parents are usually able to get to the hospital with plenty of time to spare, so they can welcome their baby alongside their surrogate. But it’s always a fear in the back of the mind of gestational surrogates and intended parents, especially in long-distance matches — what if the intended parents don’t make it in time? 

What if they miss their baby’s birth? Who would be responsible for the baby’s care and for making any necessary medical decisions until the intended parents arrive? 

While this is extremely rare (it’s never happened with American Surrogacy so far!) it’s certainly possible for an unavoidable impediment like unexpected/emergency labor, a travel ban or flight delay to prevent the intended parents from being present at the time of the baby’s birth.

Here’s what surrogates and intended parents should know:

Always Stay Calm

In the unlikely event that this happens in your surrogacy journey, both parties will be understandably upset that things aren’t going according to plan. The arrival of the baby is an important moment, and you all want to be together for that event. 

However, if something unexpected and unavoidable occurs, all that really matters is the health and safety of the baby and surrogate. No matter what, the baby will be born and the families will be united — even if it’s not as soon as everyone would prefer. Until then, stay calm and trust that each party (along with your American Surrogacy specialist) will take care of their end of things. 

The Baby Would Be Cared for By the Nurses

If the parents are significantly delayed for some reason, the gestational surrogate cannot care for the baby in the interim because she’s not the parent and has no legal rights to the child. That will be the hospital’s policy, even if the intended parents give permission for her to temporarily take over for them until they arrive. 

The hospital’s pediatric staff would assume care of the baby until the parents arrive.

Talk to Your Attorney

Your surrogacy attorneys may be able to work a clause into your contracts that outlines what would happen in this situation, including some advanced medical directives. Ask them what’s possible in your situation, and coordinate with your surrogacy partner as well as your specialist to make sure any relevant legal information is provided to hospital staff in advance.

Talking to your attorney will be especially important if you’re stationed overseas and need to travel back to the United States mainland to be with your U.S. surrogate. Ask your attorney and hospital if there are any exceptions that can be made in your situation, or if you can make some decisions regarding your newborn’s care in advance.

Keep Phones Close at Hand

Some of the medical and newborn care decisions that need to be made by the parents may be done over the phone. This can be tricky if the parents are mid-flight or are traveling through an area with spotty reception. However, surrogates and intended parents can try to keep an open line of communication before, during and after the baby’s birth for important updates, so we always recommend having that phone fully charged, close at hand and with the ringer on.

This will also be important in case your surrogacy specialist tries to get ahold of either of you for updates or important information!

You’ll Have the Rest of Your Lives to Make Up for One Missed Moment

If, as an intended parent, you can’t imagine missing your baby’s first breaths, try to keep things in perspective. Missing your child’s birth would be incredibly difficult. But you’ll have a lifetime together ahead of you!

Surrogates: If you’re comfortable doing so, and you know that the intended parents are about to miss their baby’s birth, consider asking your spouse or a nurse to video or photograph your labor and delivery. Being able to see their baby come into the world (even after the fact) may mean a lot to the parents. 

Your Surrogacy Specialist Will Be Ready

Whether you’re an intended parent or a surrogate, remember that your American Surrogacy specialist will be watching over your journey and making sure that things are going smoothly. Even if something unexpected and unavoidable happens, like the intended parents being delayed on their way to the hospital, your specialist will be ready. 

She will be communicating with hospital staff, your attorneys and both parties as often as possible to keep everyone in the know. We understand that sometimes things unexpectedly happen and throw a wrench in our carefully-made plans! But we’ll be ready to help everyone deal with whatever comes your way and make sure the baby is safe, happy and healthy until he or she is placed into the parents’ arms.

How to Prepare Older Children for a Sibling Born Via Surrogacy

If you have a child or several children, and you’re in the process of adding to your family through surrogacy, you’re also going to be preparing your children for a new baby brother or sister. So, in honor of National Siblings Day, American Surrogacy wanted to offer you some tips!

In most respects, you’ll talk to your children about the responsibilities of being a big sibling just like any family would. Your children will likely experience the same thoughts and feelings that most kids have when they find out they’re getting a new sibling.

However, because you’re welcoming a child via surrogacy, a few aspects of this experience will be a little different. For example, your kids won’t be watching Mom’s belly grow. They may wonder if their surrogate-born sibling will be different somehow. They may want to establish their own relationship to your surrogate and their unborn sibling.

You may not be sure of how to move forward, so here’s American Surrogacy’s advice on how to help get your children ready for their newest surrogate-born sibling:

1. Explain Surrogacy to Your Children

Having a basic, age-appropriate grasp of the surrogacy process is the first step. Reading some children’s books about surrogacy together can be a great introduction to the topic. 

Explain that there are many different but equally wonderful ways to grow a family, and this is just how your child’s brother or sister will be joining your family. Ask them if they have any questions about surrogacy, and express your excitement and pride in this shared experience — they’ll mirror your calmness and positivity!

Remember that your children will become their own ambassadors for surrogacy at school and among their peers, so give them the tools they need to answer questions they might be asked by inquisitive kids or teachers. Teaching them some basic language to use and practicing using that language at home can be helpful.

2. Continue to Talk About the Baby and Let Them Ask Questions

When you’re adding to your family via surrogacy, the concept of the new baby can be a little “out of sight, out of mind” for some kids. After your initial news, they may forget that the baby is still coming because they aren’t watching Mom’s body change. The baby’s arrival can feel very far away to a little kid!

Keep their new sibling a topic of conversation. Ask them what they’re excited to do with their little brother or sister when they’re older, or what names they like. Ask them for their help in setting up the baby’s nursery.

Take the opportunity to listen to their questions, as well. Your child might be wondering about how the baby is doing with the surrogate, or they might be unsure of what the hospital process will be like. They might also be nervous about typical big sibling concerns, too!

3. Involve Them in the Surrogacy Experience

It can be comforting for your child to feel included and clued in with what’s happening, in an age-appropriate way. Here are a few ways you could include your child in your family’s surrogacy journey:

  • Let your children meet your surrogate, if possible. You can show your child her picture or video chat with her if an in-person visit isn’t convenient. Getting to know the wonderful person who is carrying their sibling can make things feel a little more real and exciting.
  • Let your children meet their sibling at the hospital. This may also give them the opportunity to thank your surrogate for helping your whole family. 
  • Encourage your child to write letters or draw pictures to your surrogate and your baby. Mail them to her! It’ll probably bring a smile to her face.
  • Record your child reading a story to the baby, and send it to your surrogate to play. Get a jumpstart on sibling bonding!
  • Have your child pick out two special gifts — one for your surrogate and one for their baby sibling. Letting them choose a toy or stuffed animal for the baby can help things feel tangible.
  • Talk about your surrogate. Tell your child stories that she’s shared about the baby’s progress or movements. Tell your child about where she lives and what her family is like. Talk about how she’s taking amazing care of their baby sibling.

4. Be Reassuring and Express Your Excitement

Kids pick up on our emotions and look to parents to see if they should feel positively about a new situation. Speaking and behaving in a way that shows you’re proud of this surrogacy journey will set the example for your children to follow suit. Setting this tone now will especially be important for your surrogate-born child. Show your children that this is a happy and exciting time for your family. 

Even so, your child may still be afraid of the big changes ahead or may feel some uncertainty toward the surrogacy process. Keep assuring your children that things are going to be alright. The surrogacy process can be hectic and emotional, but your children will look to you for normalcy and positivity in the adventure you’re undertaking together.

In many ways, these feelings are the same that any family experiences with the arrival of a new child. Surrogacy can make things seem a little challenging at first glance, but the enormous benefit that it will have for your family will be lifelong.

Want more tips and suggestions on preparing your children for a sibling born via surrogacy? Reach out to your American Surrogacy specialist anytime for personalized advice.

10 Reasons You Might Switch Surrogacy Agencies

Beginning a second surrogacy journey, whether you’re a hopeful intended parent or a returning gestational surrogate, is an exciting opportunity. But depending on your situation, you’ll also be asking yourself a few questions like:

  • “Do I want to partner with the same surrogate/intended parents as last time?”
  • “Do I need or want to find a new surrogacy partner?”
  • “What else do I want to change about my surrogacy experience, knowing what I do now and having discovered my own preferences from my previous journey?”
  • “Do I want to use a surrogacy agency this time instead of trying to go it alone like last time?

And:

“Do I want to work with a different surrogacy agency?”

Now that you’ve been through the surrogacy process, you’ve likely discovered some likes, dislikes and aspects that would be perfect “if only X, Y, or Z.” In your upcoming surrogacy journey, you can learn from your experiences — and that might include working with an agency you think might be better fit for you.

It’s okay to work with a different professional from your last surrogacy journey! Many people do. Here are 10 reasons why you might switch surrogacy agencies:

1. You want national reach but personalized connections with your professional.

A lot of people work with a local professional their first time around. The biggest benefit of a smaller, local professional is that you’re often able to go into their office and have a personal connection with your professional. However, these local professionals are often understaffed; have fewer resources.connections and less experience; and aren’t able to match you as quickly.

By working with a national surrogacy agency, you can match with anyone in the U.S. However, you still want an agency that will be able to give you the personal attention that you and your surrogacy partner deserve. Choose an agency with national reach and nationwide connections — but with a one-on-one level of attention.

2. Your previous professional didn’t have any surrogates or intended parents waiting for your match.

Ideally, you won’t spend too much time waiting for the right match. However, some agencies will have a long list of waiting intended parents and no surrogates, or vice versa. Choose an agency that has a history of relatively quick matches (and successful, happy ones). 

A good surrogacy agency will actively be advertising for intended parents and surrogates who meet the necessary criteria, so anyone who is waiting for their perfect match won’t have to wait for long. This is another reason why national agencies like American Surrogacy are usually preferred over smaller, regional professionals. And this is especially why people choose to work with agencies rather than searching on their own: Agencies will find them a safe match in less time.

3. You want a more experienced professional who can provide you with support, resources and guidance both before and after your surrogacy journey.

Your surrogacy agency is your guide through a complex and emotional process. There are so many unknowns in surrogacy, even if this isn’t your first time. 

If your previous professional didn’t provide you and your surrogacy partner with the support that’s so vital to a successful and low-stress experience, then it can put you off from wanting to even pursue surrogacy again! 

A good agency will make sure that both parties are well-educated and prepared before ever beginning — and that everyone has access to support throughout their surrogacy journey and beyond. Neither you, your surrogacy partner, or either of your families will ever be on your own in this when you work with American Surrogacy.

4. You don’t want to be limited to matches within your immediate area.

This is a common frustration with people who previously worked with a smaller, local professional. A local agency or attorney is usually restricted to working within the immediate area. But the truth is, you aren’t going to find many matches that way, and the chances that you find the perfect match for you within your town are slim.

National surrogacy agencies like American Surrogacy are able to work with intended parents and gestational surrogates throughout the U.S., so your match is based on compatibility above location. The connection between intended parents and surrogates is one of the greatest indicators of a happy and successful surrogacy experience — location is the smallest factor in that equation.

5. You didn’t “click” with your previous surrogacy professional.

Again, surrogacy is a highly emotional experience for everyone involved. Many choices will be made with your “gut” and your heart, within reason. Not feeling a genuine connection with your previous surrogacy professional is an absolutely legitimate reason for switching agencies.

During this vulnerable and life-changing experience, you want to know that the person who is going to be guiding you through the ups and downs will have your family’s interests in mind. American Surrogacy’s specialists are always here for you and your surrogacy partner, and we’ll take the time to understand you and your needs before we ever begin the process.

6. You want a professional who focuses on the needs of children first.

Children are at the heart of every surrogacy journey. Surrogates are there to protect and care for children when their parents are unable to. Intended parents long for a child and entrust their unborn child’s care to a woman who is ready for such a responsibility. 

A surrogacy agency’s responsibility is to ensure that those intended parents and surrogates are putting the child first, too —ot just the health of children when they’re in utero, but their emotional and mental health as they grow. That’s why agencies like American Surrogacy educate intended parents and surrogates about supporting children who are born via surrogacy — encouraging pride in their birth story, staying in touch with those involved in the child’s birth and more.

7. You want support in facilitating a stronger bond with your surrogacy partner.

It’s always hoped that you and your surrogacy partner, whether that’s a gestational surrogate or intended parents, will share a deep emotional connection and that you’ll truly enjoy this life-changing experience together. Ideally, you’ll gain a lasting friendship from this, as well as the joy of bringing a new life into the world.

But new relationships can be a little awkward at first when you’re matched with a stranger. And it can be important to have an experienced professional help you all navigate the details of this process, including the legal and financial aspects. 

At American Surrogacy, your specialist will help you and your surrogacy partner work through the necessary details, have the important conversations and get to know one another. From there, you can continue your relationship to whatever extent both parties are comfortable with. We’ll just help you get off to the best possible start.

8. You want a professional that will ensure all candidates meet the highest screening standards.

More than anything, it’s important that everyone involved (especially the child) is safe, healthy and happy. That’s why it’s so critical that both parties complete thorough screening processes.

Everyone must come to the surrogacy process completely ready — physically, emotionally, financially and mentally. Our specialists at American Surrogacy take this very seriously. That’s why we spend so much time talking prospective surrogates and intended parents through the process, screening everyone and making sure that they’re excited and prepared in every way.

9. Your previous professional wasn’t available when you had questions. 

Nothing is more upsetting than not being able to reach your professional when you need them. When you trust a surrogacy agency to act as your guide through such an important process, you also trust that they’ll be there for you should you ever have a question, concern or a new development.

American Surrogacy is always here for our surrogates and intended parents — before, during and after their surrogacy journeys.

10. Your previous professional only gave you (unrealistic) platitudes rather than transparent facts and options.

As you likely know from your previous experience with surrogacy (and parenthood), not everything is perfect all the time! All the preparation in the world can’t prevent something unexpected from happening.

American Surrogacy never sugarcoats or promises that everything will always go precisely according to plan. We all know that babies can be a little unpredictable, for one. We’re committed to providing surrogates and intended parents with honest, transparent and realistic descriptions of the choices in front of them at each stage of the process, and we’ll always offer our expert opinion in an effort to help you do what’s best for your families. 

Thinking about switching surrogacy agencies? We encourage you to reach out to a specialist at American Surrogacy to learn more about how we go above and beyond other professionals.

How to Handle Unsupportive Family Members as a Surrogate

The decision to become a gestational surrogate is not one that you’ve made lightly. You researched the process carefully, learned fact from popular fiction, considered how this journey may affect you and your family — and then ultimately decided that this was something you wanted and were ready to take on. 

But what if, now that you’re excited and in the midst of your journey as a gestational surrogate, your extended family members are less-than-supportive? Your immediate family and friends will all hopefully be instantly excited for you, but sometimes people need a little education about surrogacy before they feel comfortable with the idea. This is especially true for people who aren’t very familiar with “nontraditional” methods of family-building. 

As a surrogate, you may receive a few ignorant comments or encounter a few judgmental people. When it’s your own family, however, it can be hard to brush off their criticism. 

Here’s our advice for handling unsupportive extended family members when you’re a surrogate:

1. Give Them More Education

A lot of the fear and concern that people have about surrogacy stems from a lack of knowledge. Your family member may not understand how certain aspects of surrogacy will work for you — so walk them through it.

Let them ask questions, and be ready to offer answers. If you need some help, explore our website for information to provide to them. Their reluctance to accept surrogacy may just come from not fully understanding the process or because their existing knowledge is based on myth.

2. Reassure Them 

They love you, and they’re probably worried for you! Pregnancy and fertility treatments always involve some risk, but explain to them how the careful screening process that agencies like American Surrogacy require ensures that surrogates like you are healthy enough and that the risks are as low as possible. 

Surrogates are chosen because they’ve never had pregnancy complications before; they’ve had healthy, easy pregnancies every time. However, your family will probably still worry and wonder why you would put yourself in any kind of danger for the sake of someone else. 

Which leads us to our next tip.

3. Explain Why This is Important to You

You wouldn’t be pursuing a path as a surrogate if this weren’t something that you really believed in and felt strongly about. Your family might not understand your motivations or why this means so much to you. Talking openly about why you want to help an intended family and why you’re inspired to be a surrogate may help others to share in your excitement and passion. 

If you’re already matched with intended parents, it might help your family member if they hear a little about the parents — just be sure to be respectful of the intended parents’ privacy, of course. Picturing the baby living a wonderful life with his or her family, and knowing that you made that happen, can help your family member realize what an important thing it is that you’re doing!

4. Move Forward

Let your family member know how much you’d appreciate their support and positivity. But it’s also alright to let them know that you’re going to do what you think is right, regardless of their opinion. 

It’s a requirement for every surrogate to have the support of her spouse and immediate family (if applicable), so their encouragement — in addition to the support of your American Surrogacy specialist — will be enough to get you through the ups and downs ahead. 

If your extended family member still doesn’t support your surrogacy journey after you’ve shared your thoughts and feelings on the matter, it can be upsetting. But you should still move forward if this is something that really matters to you. As a surrogate, you’ll encounter far more people who will respond to you with positivity and support than the opposite. 

Maybe, after the baby is born and your family member can see him or her happy and healthy with their parents, your family will understand what a beautiful thing you did. Regardless, you’ll have plenty of support and excitement from loved ones, even if there are a couple people raining on the parade!

If you’re having a hard time handling the lack of support from your extended family, or if you’re not sure how to talk to your extended family about your decision to become a surrogate, contact your American Surrogacy specialist at 1-800-875-2229(BABY).

The Fascination with the ‘Surrogacy Gone Wrong’ Narrative

You’ve heard it before in the news, on TV shows and from acquaintances who “heard about this one surrogate who…” The surrogacy horror stories are louder and spread farther than the countless positive stories.

There are stories of surrogates accidentally becoming pregnant with their own biological baby, of “doctors” who used their own gametes instead of donors’ and of surrogates who decide to keep the baby. So, with instances of such unimaginable outcomes for everyone involved, why would anyone want to pursue surrogacy?

Because: There are actually laws and very thorough safety measures specifically in place to prevent all of those situations. But only reputable agencies like American Surrogacy enforce those safety measures. It’s only when the intended parents and surrogates work outside of the laws and the professionals that a surrogacy situation can “go wrong.”

What the “Surrogacy Gone Wrong” Situations All Had in Common

Those extremely rare nightmare surrogacy situations consistently had the same factors in common:

Likewise, the intended parents and surrogates who have overwhelmingly positive experiences have these factors in common:

  • They are gestational surrogacy situations — meaning the surrogate is not the biological mother of the child.
  • The surrogate and intended parents are carefully screened by a surrogacy agency to ensure that they are all physically, mentally and emotionally ready for surrogacy.
  • The surrogate and intended parents create a formal, legal contract with the help of a licensed Assisted Reproduction Technology (ART) attorney.
  • They partner with reputable professionals, like American Surrogacy.

If you’ve considered surrogacy, either as a potential gestational surrogate or as hopeful parents, we understand if you’ve been put off by those horrifying negative surrogacy stories. But, we’re here to explain that, unless you’re considering a traditional surrogacy within your family or surrogacy without a professional, your experience will likely be incredibly positive as well as life-changing in all the best ways.

Avoiding a “Surrogacy Gone Wrong” Scenario is Surprisingly Simple

There are always some risks involved in surrogacy — primarily the physical risks that are always associated with pregnancy, and the financial risk of the IVF process requiring several cycles. Any professional who tells you otherwise is not being transparent with you.

However, there are simple, but incredibly important, ways you can all but prevent becoming a “surrogacy horror story”:

  • Do not attempt to “DIY” your surrogacy journey. Always work with experienced and reputable professionals like American Surrogacy from start to finish!
  • Do not attempt to find a surrogate or intended parents online or without the help of a professional who can screen your surrogacy match. Intended parents and surrogates trust American Surrogacy to find them a safe and positive match.
  • Avoid traditional surrogacy. Most professionals (American Surrogacy included) will not even complete traditional surrogacies.
  • Even if the intended parents and surrogate already know and trust one another, they must still work with a licensed professional like American Surrogacy.
  • Establish a legally binding contract with a surrogacy attorney! When you create that contract together, intended parents and surrogates talk about a wide range of “what if” scenarios and ensure that everyone is in agreement on important aspects of the surrogacy journey.

The #1 Way to Prevent a Surrogacy Horror Story

Work with a surrogacy agency that has a track record of success.

In surrogacy, “success” means a number of things. We define “success” by:

  • Our high numbers of intended parents who have successfully welcomed a child by working with our agency.
  • Our surrogates and intended parents who sing our praises, feel safe and comfortable throughout the journey, form genuine friendships and report nothing but positive, happy experiences.
  • The healthy and happy children, who have been brought into the world by incredible surrogates and who are raised by amazing intended parents.

If a gestational surrogate and intended parents look back on their surrogacy journey and feel that it was a positive experience in their lives, and perhaps even want to repeat that experience with us, we consider that a success.

To ensure success and safety for our surrogates and intended parents, American Surrogacy:

  • Screens the prospective surrogate and intended parents to ensure that everyone is physically, mentally and emotionally ready and committed.
  • Educates the prospective surrogate and intended parents, so they know what to expect and to ensure they understand and are truly ready for the surrogacy process.
  • Counsels and supports the surrogate and intended parents throughout the process.
  • Connects the surrogate and intended parents to licensed, experienced and reputable doctors and attorneys to help with the legal and medical steps of the process.
  • Provides financial and legal protection to the intended parents and surrogates.
  • Makes sure that the entire process is legal, ethical, smooth and is a positive experience for everyone involved.

As a result, none of our intended parents or gestational surrogates has ever had to worry about the “surrogacy gone wrong” fears that are given center stage in the media. When a surrogacy journey is completed correctly and legally with the help of a professional like American Surrogacy, there’s no need to worry about your surrogacy experience “going wrong.” Our goal is to fill the world with positive surrogacy stories so that the narrative can be shifted toward all the ways in which surrogacy has benefitted people’s lives.

Want to learn more about becoming a gestational surrogate with American Surrogacy? Considering growing your family through surrogacy? Contact us now for more information.