It’s more common than not that intended parents are matched with an out-of-state surrogate. Sometimes, it’s legally necessary; the intended parents may live in a state that is not particularly surrogacy-friendly. In other cases, it’s simply because the best surrogate for their goals and preferences happened to live in a different state.

Many of the aspects of a long-distance surrogacy are easily managed with a bit of organization and professional guidance. But, there is another important thing to think about, and it comes after the surrogacy process is complete: how to bring your new baby home across state lines.

When you have a brand-new baby, it’s easy to become overwhelmed, especially if this is your first go at being a parent. Getting ready to bring your baby home requires all kinds of preparations, but you may be unsure of how to do this safely.

Don’t worry: American Surrogacy is here to help. Below, find out your options for bringing home your little one after birth. Don’t hesitate to contact your surrogacy specialist at 1-800-875-2229(BABY) for more guidance on this matter.

The Big Debate: Flying vs. Driving

When it comes to bringing a baby home that was born out of state, there is often one question: Should I fly home on a plane or drive home instead?

First, know this: Which path you take should always depend upon your pediatrician’s recommendation. Your baby’s health will play a crucial role in this decision, and only your doctor will know what is best for your family. Always stay in close contact with them leading up to and after your carrier’s delivery.

In general, here are some things you should know about each option:

Putting a Newborn on an Airplane

Taking a newborn baby on a plan comes with certain pros and cons. You’ll need to consider these before booking your flights.

First, the advantages:

• Shorter travel time: When you’re looking at a 12-hour drive or a couple-hour flight, choosing to fly may take a lot of stress off of you as intended parents. It’s likely that you want to get home as soon as possible, and a plane ride is often the way to best do so.
• More travel options: There is always a degree of uncertainty when a baby is born. The baby may come early, or they may overstay their welcome in your surrogate’s womb. If you rely on a car to get you there, you may miss your baby’s birth! A plane, on the other hand, offers more frequent options to leave (and return) whenever you need to. This can give you a bit more leeway when bringing your little one back home.

But, there are also some disadvantages, too:

• Potential for more germ exposure: Newborn babies are vulnerable, and a plane’s atmosphere can be the worst place for an underdeveloped immune system. If you choose to take your infant on a plane, you must be comfortable with the exposure to viruses and bacteria that other travelers are carrying.
• Flight changes can be expensive: While flying gives you more opportunity to update your travel plans if necessary, these changes can be expensive. For this reason, many intended parents buy one-way tickets on airlines with minimal change charges (check out Southwest) and wait to buy their return ticket until they are more aware of their baby’s situation.

If you think flying might be the right option for you, always speak with your baby’s doctor. Certain airlines will require a doctor’s note for a baby under a certain age to travel. Make sure to always research tips to make your return journey as stress-free as possible.

Taking a Road Trip with a Newborn

Another way you can return home with your baby is by driving them. Whether or not this is an option for your family will depend upon your personal situation.

So, why do intended parents choose to drive home with their newborn?

• Cost savings for shorter distances: In some cases, driving to and from a surrogate’s state is much cheaper for intended parents than flying. In many cases, if intended parents have a drive of a day or less, they will save substantial money in comparison to buying flights on short notice, as baby delivery can sometimes necessitate.
• Safer immuno-environment: When you travel with a newborn in a car, you are in more control over the bacteria and viruses exposed to them than if you were on a plane. You can take steps to keep your car as clean as possible, and you may be more comfortable knowing that your son or daughter will only come in contact with you on this journey.
• More control over journey: When you drive, you are in charge of your journey. This includes how frequently and where you stop, as well as deciding what is best for your child. You aren’t at the mercy of an airline; if you need more time to get home, or if you and your child need a break on the way home, you can always take it.

But, keep in mind these disadvantages before you strap in your newborn to their car seat:

• Fatigue on long journeys: If you are taking a long road trip, make sure you have a partner to help you out. Driving long hours is exhausting for anyone but especially so for a new parent caring for a brand-new baby.
• Cleanliness of stops along the way: You’ll need to stop at rest stations along the way to stay safe. If you are taking a longer journey, you may even spend the night at a hotel. Will your hotel be clean enough for your newborn baby? Are you prepared to haul all of your baby supplies across state lines and in and out of your hotel rooms?
• Distance from a doctor or hospital: Even if your newborn baby is 100 percent healthy at birth, it’s normal to be worried about their health in the weeks after they are born. When you take an extended road trip after their birth, there will be times that you are a distance away from any doctor or hospital. While many intended parents bring their children home safely via car, this is an important consideration not to overlook.

Remember, the best person to talk to about returning home will always be your baby’s doctor. They are likely the one who will make the ultimate decision in which option is right for you.

Your surrogacy specialist will always be there to support you. To learn more about this topic or about surrogacy in general, please contact our team at 1-800-875-2229(BABY).

Surrogacy can be a scary enough concept for hopeful intended parents — but, if you are in need of a sperm or egg donation to complete your surrogacy, you may be even more nervous about the path ahead. Raising a child born from surrogacy comes with its own unique challenges, and raising a child born from a gamete donation is no different.

Fortunately, there are many resources available to you if you are considering surrogacy with a donated gamete. Many intended parents have been in your situation, and they are successfully raising children born from a donated gamete in a healthy and positive way. You can, too.

Know that the surrogacy specialists at American Surrogacy can always discuss this situation in more detail with you. We can answer all your questions about surrogacy and donated gametes, as well as help you move forward with the process whenever you are ready. To learn more today, please contact our agency at 1-800-875-BABY(2229).

In the meantime, we’ve gathered a few things that every intended parent should know if they are considering surrogacy with a donated gamete.

1. Identified gamete donors promote positive self-identity in children.

One of the first decisions that intended parents considering surrogacy with a donated gamete have to make is whether to use an anonymous or identified donor. Many fertility specialists and surrogacy professionals encourage the use of an identified donor — for many reasons.

Choosing an anonymous sperm or egg donor may seem like the easiest way to go about this process, but intended parents need to consider their child’s future well-being. What will happen when their child has questions as they grow up? How will they answer them? What happens if a medical emergency occurs, and a child does not have their full updated medical history?

If you choose an identified donor, you will have access to medical history and more. An identified donor is always available for contact and information if necessary, as well as to provide answers to your child that you may not have as they develop their identity.

2. You should not keep the gamete donation a secret.

Even if you choose a sperm or egg donor who looks similar to your family, gamete donation should not be a secret. Your child deserves the right to know their full history. Imagine a day where your child might develop a dangerous genetic disease; if they are operating under false assumptions about their genetic heritage, their life could be in danger.

This isn’t even to mention the situations in which children find out about their gamete donor later in life. It can severely impact a child’s self-identity to feel betrayed or lied to by their parents. They will have created a self-identity that may be based on completely false information. Being honest about a sperm or egg donation from the beginning is much more preferable than this circumstance, which can destroy relationships between children and parents.

3. Your child will have questions — and this is completely normal.

Even if you make your child’s surrogacy and gamete donation story an open topic of conversation as they grow up, your child will always have questions. You may not be able to answer all of them. A child goes through normal phases of interest and disinterest about their history as they grow up; it’s all a part of developing their self-identity. Therefore, intended parents need to be ready for the day that these questions about a sperm or egg donor come.

If a child starts asking about their genetic history, it is not a sign that they are looking for their “real parents.” In fact, that’s not it at all. If you have been open and respectful with your child about their genetic history, they will continue to respect and love you. Questions about background are normal for anyone to have; in the case of donor-conceived children, they just have to go to someone else to find the answers. Don’t ever take it as a sign that you aren’t “enough” of a parent for your child.

4. The Donor Sibling Registry can be an invaluable tool.

As your child learns more about their genetic history, they may have questions about extended biological family members. Remember: Your child finding their biological family is not a bad thing. If anything, it’s a positive to gain more family members!

To aid your child in your future search, you could choose to sign your child up in the Donor Sibling Registry (DSR) as soon as they are born. That way, your child and your child’s half-siblings and genetic relatives can contact each other to share personal relationships and provide up-to-date family medical information. Signing your child up for this registry in advance will show them your commitment and respect for their personal surrogacy and donor-conceived story.

5. Gamete donation is a lifelong journey for parents and their children.

Finally, keep this in mind if you are considering surrogacy with a donor gamete: Many forms of assisted reproductive technology are a lifelong journey, and surrogacy and gamete donation are no different. While you may think your journey in these processes will be over once your child is born, you will need to make these topics an open conversation and a source of pride as long as your child lives. Respect any decisions they make to seek out biological relatives and support them in that journey. Answer any questions they have and help them find any you can’t answer. You will always be your child’s parent; it will be up to you what kind of parent you choose to be for them.

To learn more about surrogacy with a donated gamete, please contact American Surrogacy today.

Those who have built their family in a non-traditional way often have one common question: How can I bond with my baby if I’m not the one who carried him or her?

Here at American Surrogacy, we understand your concern. Society tells us that there is no connection like that between a pregnant woman and her child — but that doesn’t mean you can’t foster the same kind of connection if someone else was the one to give birth to your baby. While it may take a little extra effort, you can feel just as connected as anyone else who built their family in a “traditional” way.

For suggestions on how to forge that connection while your baby is in utero, check out this article. Here, we’ll focus on the steps you can take after you bring your bundle of joy home. All babies need contact, communication and love from their parents after birth. Use these tips to create a meaningful, healthy bond with your baby from the moment they are born.

1. Pay Attention to and Respond to Your Baby’s Needs.

This is the first tip for bonding with a baby for a reason — it’s the cornerstone of being a successful parent. You may be overwhelmed with your new bundle of joy, especially if this is your first experience being a parent, but you will learn quickly. You may not correctly anticipate your baby’s every need at first, but the more you pay close attention to them, the better you will get to know them and understand what they want. This mutual understanding will facilitate your bonding. After all, a baby will bond to the person who responds to their cries, which is why some experts advise that only the baby’s parents tend to their needs during the first couple of months, to help them recognize your role in their life.

2. Take Advantage of Feeding Time.

Along the same note, feeding time is one of the most important times you can address your baby’s needs. Take steps during mealtime to make eye contact, limit distractions and more to help your baby focus solely on you.

Did you know that even intended parents can breastfeed their baby? You can further facilitate this bonding by breastfeeding your child or giving plenty of skin-on-skin contact as you bottle-feed your baby. Talk with your doctor about the possibility of breastfeeding as an intended mother.

3. Don’t Skimp on Affection.

Naturally, you’ll be holding your baby a lot when you bring them home — whether to soothe them, feed them, or simply to marvel at this little wonder. All of this contact will comfort your baby, who will feel closer to you just from hearing your heartbeat.

Don’t be afraid to lay on other kinds of affection at this time, either. You may be worried about spoiling your baby, but that’s not a concern at this age. You cannot give a newborn too much affection, as it encourages the bonding process and helps them confirm you as a parental role.

Consider giving affection by:

• Stroking their cheek
• Having a bath together
• Tickling
• Hand holding
• Gentle massages
• And more — which brings us to our next point

4. Utilize Skin-on-Skin Contact.

Skin-on-skin contact is important for any parent bonding with their child but especially important for intended parents in surrogacy. While a baby will need to have skin-on-skin contact with the surrogate directly after birth to confirm his or her senses, the transfer to the intended parents for skin-on-skin contact is crucial to helping the baby recognize his or her parents.

Skin-on-skin contact is also helpful for improving physiologic stability for mother and baby, increasing maternal attachment behaviors, protecting against the negative effects of maternal-infant separation, and more. So, the research is clear: Don’t be afraid to share this important contact with your baby directly after birth and after you bring them home.

5. Always Talk to Your Baby.

New parents are bound to do this anyway, but the importance of talking to your new baby can’t be overstated. When your baby hears your voice, they are comforted that you are near, and it helps them better recognize your role as their parent.

In addition, talking to your baby helps them develop their own language skills. Children learn a lot from listening so, if you want your baby to start talking back early, don’t be afraid to chat them up to help them absorb information and language.

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Bringing home a new baby can be overwhelming for everyone, but especially for parents through surrogacy who are getting their first experience with their little one. Remember, your surrogacy specialist will always be here to help you prepare for this step and offer advice as you adjust to your new life as parents.

To learn more about our agency services, please contact us at 1-800-875-BABY(2229).

Like any child brought to a family in a non-traditional method, children born via surrogacy have a unique background story. If you are their parent, it is your duty to ensure they understand their surrogacy story — and are just as proud of it as you are.

But, how exactly do you explain your child’s story to them as they grow up? The complexities of surrogacy can be difficult for even adults to understand; how do you describe them to a child who doesn’t yet grasp the details of human reproduction?

You’ll be surprised to know that children understand more than you give them credit for. To aid you in this conversation, we’ve provided a few tips below. You can also contact your surrogacy specialist for more guidance in raising a child born via surrogacy.

1. Make it a constant topic of conversation.

The rule of thumb when explaining a child’s non-traditional birth story to them is to make it an available topic of conversation throughout their life. Children grasp different details at different times, and they will have different questions about the process as they grow up. Therefore, talking to your child about their surrogacy story should not be a one-time conversation; it should be a natural, normal topic that they can ask you about whenever it suits their curiosity.

You may think, “But infants won’t understand what I’m saying. Can’t I wait until they are old enough to understand?”

This is about more than your child being able to understand what you are saying. It’s about normalizing the topic of surrogacy from the day you bring them home. That way, when the idea of being born via surrogate “clicks,” it’s not weird or uncomfortable. Instead, it will just be normal to them.

2. Children are more open-minded than you think.

Many parents put off telling children about their surrogacy, adoption or other non-traditional birth until they are older — but this choice can shock children later in life and have negative consequences. Children comprehend more than adults sometime give them credit for. Young children have curious minds and often accept facts at face-value. While they may not seem to “understand” the way you think they should, they will readily accept the information you give them. It will shape their identity in a positive way, rather than coming as a shock later in life that disrupts their personal identity.

3. It’s important to be age-appropriate.

As you explain your child’s surrogacy story to them, remember that what you tell them will typically be relayed back to their peers. What you may be comfortable telling your child may make others uncomfortable. That being said, it’s important to use proper terminology. Make it clear that the woman who carried them is not their mother, and they were not related to them. Younger children may not ask questions when you explain the basics to them, but don’t feel like you have to give them more information than they ask for. Judge the situation to prevent over-explaining and confusing your child.

4. Use available tools.

In order to normalize surrogacy from an early age, you can use books and other media designed specifically to introduce and explain surrogacy to children. These books can be an easier method of introducing the topic than a formal conversation, and they can allow for a more natural question-and-answer format than putting a child on the spot. You can find a list of surrogacy books here.

5. Create a surrogacy memory book.

Some children are visual learners. Therefore, it may be best to create a scrapbook commemorating your surrogacy journey and their birth story. That way, they can visually see the process you are explaining. They can put a face to a name when it comes to their surrogate (if they don’t have a personal relationship with her), and they can see the photos of themselves in a woman’s belly. As a child grows up, they will grow to treasure this book. It can be a great way for your child to visually explain their own birth story to friends and family as part of the celebration of their identity.

6. Consider how you will address any donors involved in their story.

If your child was born via a gamete donation, there is another complex aspect of their surrogacy story — their biological mother or father. While your child will not view their donor parent as a “real” parent, they will naturally be curious about their biological family and medical history. Don’t try to hide this information from them; it will only cause a feeling of betrayal later in life. A child’s donor parent is crucial to their identity as a child born via surrogacy. Before you even utilize a donor gamete, it’s important that you consider the benefits of anonymous vs. identified donors and how you will explain this relationship to your child as they grow up. Remember, your surrogacy specialist can offer guidance and advice for this conversation with your child.

7. Be open, excited and celebratory in your conversations.

Finally, remember that children are intuitive; they pick up on their parents’ emotions. Therefore, when you’re speaking with your child about surrogacy, make sure you express your excitement and pride in their unique birth story. Your child will no doubt feel a little different because of the way they were brought into the world, so make sure they understand that differences are what make the world an exciting place. Emphasize that surrogacy is something to be celebrated, and that you are always there for your child if they have any questions. When you are proud of your surrogacy journey, they will be, too.

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Have more questions about how to explain surrogacy to your child born through this method? Don’t hesitate to reach out to your surrogacy specialist at 1-800-875-BABY(2229).