Intended Parents | American Surrogacy Blog

What Is Embryo Grading?

You’ll come across many new things when starting a family through surrogacy. It’s a complicated process.

One of the least understood steps of the surrogacy process is embryo grading. And for good reason — it can be confusing and intimidating.

We’ve created this article to answer several of the biggest questions about embryo grading. We hope that, by the end, you have a better understanding of this medical process, as well as a release from any pressure it is causing you to feel.

While we are not medical professionals and cannot fulfill the required steps for IVF, American Surrogacy is a national surrogacy agency, and our specialists know all about the process. Contact us any time with additional questions about becoming intended parents or a surrogate.

To hear directly from intended parents and surrogates, follow us on Instagram.

What Is Embryo Grading?

Scientific advances in recent years have unlocked valuable information that would’ve been unimaginable even 10 or 20 years ago. The process in which an egg and sperm join together to form an embryo was previously unobservable. Today, we have great insight into how this takes place and can watch it happen. Embryo grading is an evaluation used by embryologists to analyze this process.

How Do Clinics Perform Embryo Grading?

Embryo grading takes place post-fertilization. Once the eggs have been extracted from the intended mother or donor and the sperm has been injected into the eggs, the period of embryo grading can begin.

While the embryo waits in an incubator, clinicians will observe it and look for specific cellular developments, particularly from days 3-5 of fertilization. Based on what they see (or don’t see), they will assign an embryo grade, which will factor into whether or not the embryo is used in the IVF process or is frozen.

What Gives an Embryo a Good Grade?

Embryologists are typically looking for several things from days 3-5 of the incubation process:

Cell Count and Multiplication: Between days 3-5, the observed number of cells should move from around eight to as many as 150 or more. This growth is a positive sign that an embryo is developing properly.
Stabilization: Embryos that show stable structure, including symmetrical growth, are believed by some clinics to be more likely to result in successful pregnancies. However, clinics differ on this point. For some, simply seeing sustained growth is all that’s required, while others want to see symmetrical growth.
Fragmentation: Haphazard development, on the other hand, is a negative sign. An embryo growing without clear structure and organization will likely be graded lower.

The caveat here, as we have already noted, is that embryo grading is still new to the medical community. Common standards are not always agreed upon. Each clinic uses its own system to score results, while some clinics do not take part in the practice at all. One may place a very high emphasis on symmetry, while another’s grading metric might prioritize cell count.

This means the same embryo could receive very different grades from two different clinics. We’ll explore what this means about your embryo grade below.

What Impact Does Embryo Grading Have on Success Rate?

Due to the complicated nature of grading and the different procedures used from clinic to clinic, it is nearly impossible to say what effect the grade an embryo receives has on the success rate of the transfer.

Generally speaking, embryos with an abundance of desired qualities — exponential cell growth, stable structures, etc. — will receive higher grades and are believed to have a better chance in resulting in a successful pregnancy.

However, the science is not exact. Embryos with high grades can still result in failed pregnancies, and vice-versa for embryos that receive lower grades.

So, Why Does Embryo Grading Matter?

While even highly graded embryos can result in a failed pregnancy, this practice can be very useful at catching a failing embryo before the IVF process. There are some embryos that, by day five, are clearly heading down the wrong path.

Embryo grading can be a useful tool for embryologists to determine the best candidates for IVF. But, it is only one tool in the toolbox. There are other factors to determine the likely success rate of embryo transfers.

When you’re an intended parent, it can be disappointing to hear that your embryo has received a low grade from the clinic. But, this shouldn’t be taken as devastating news. Grades are not final says. And, even if the grade is too low to move forward with that embryo, there will be alternative routes as you continue to pursue your dreams of parenthood.

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Where does that leave you?

You’ll want to use all available medical technologies at your disposal during this process, but you shouldn’t stake your hopes on a single grade. Trust the professionals leading you on your journey, and take heart. Challenges will arise during this process, but the end of the road is the beginning of your family.

If you have more questions about the surrogacy process, or are interested in starting the process with our agency, let’s talk. You can contact us online at any time or call us at 1-800-875-BABY (2229).

5 Tips for Long-Distance Surrogacy Relationships During COVID-19

Our relationships are more important than ever during these uncertain times. If you’re in the middle of a surrogacy journey, it’s no different.

Your relationship with the intended parents or surrogate may look a little different than pre-COVID. If your partnership is long-distance, you may not be missing out on scheduled in-person meetings. But that doesn’t mean your relationship doesn’t also need special attention and focus during this time.

Whatever nerves you have about pursuing surrogacy during COVID-19, your surrogacy partner has them, too. Maintaining an open, honest conversation during this time will help you both relieve those worries and be better prepared for the journey ahead.

Finding energy and excitement about surrogacy during this pandemic can understandably be hard. But don’t let your surrogacy partnership suffer!

Here are a few tips to safely keep your long-distance surrogacy relationship strong right now:

1. Check in With Each Other Directly

There’s a lot of unknowns during this pandemic, and it can be tempting to call your surrogacy specialist asking for frequent updates. While we will always be here to answer your questions, the best way to check up on your surrogacy partner is by reaching out to them directly. If you wait for our specialists to check in for you, it will often take much longer; it can be a while before we catch everyone on the phone, and we have many other responsibilities on our list as hospital and clinic policies continue to change.

If you’re worried about the health of your surrogate or intended parents, please contact them directly. You’ll get the answer you’re looking for much more quickly, and your contact will show your surrogacy partner how much you care about them during this time.

2. Don’t Be Shy with Video Calls!

We get it; we’re all tired of Zoom calls. But there’s no better way to connect with your surrogacy partner during this time than by seeing each other face-to-face — safely through a screen, of course.

Think beyond your typical video call just to check in. Take advantage of this technology for doctor’s appointments and other important milestones. Intended parents may not be able to attend as many appointments as they originally planned, but using video calls can help them feel like they are still there.

If you set up video calls to check in, make sure to set an expected start and end time. Perhaps even plan some activities to prevent any awkwardness.

3. Set Expectations

With the pandemic situation changing so rapidly, it’s normal to want to check in as often as possible. But overstepping contact boundaries can actually put more stress on your surrogacy partner.

Remember that many parents are dealing with working at home at the same time they are caring for children with fewer activities to keep them busy. Constant calls or emails can just become one more thing on their to-do list.

So, set a schedule with your surrogacy partner. Talk about how often you will check in, and perhaps use quicker forms of communication like texts to let them know you’re thinking about them. And, if your surrogacy partner misses a scheduled contact, don’t freak out — give grace and remember that we’re all navigating this situation as best we can.

4. Offer Help However You Can

It’s easy to feel helpless right now, especially if your surrogacy partner is thousands of miles from you. So, don’t be afraid to offer them help in whatever way you can.

Some examples:

Purchase a gift card to a local restaurant for a take-out dinner.
Send a personalized gift basket of necessities (toilet paper and hand sanitizer, anyone?)
Send a bouquet of flowers or a similar surprise to brighten up their day.

As always, talk with your surrogacy specialist if you need ideas or suggestions for supporting your surrogacy partner during these times.

5. Don’t Make It All About COVID-19

The coronavirus pandemic has impacted everyone’s lives. Just as it’s a constant in your everyday routine, it will be the same for your surrogacy partner. Yes, it’s made your surrogacy journey harder — but the last thing either of you will want is to have the same conversations over and over and stress each other out.

So, instead of worrying about COVID-19 and its effects on your surrogacy journey during every phone call or email, take the time to talk about other things. Babies don’t care what’s happening outside the womb, and life goes on during this pandemic.

If you’re an intended parent, don’t feel bad for asking about a surrogate’s pregnancy and the baby’s development. And, if you’re a surrogate, don’t be afraid to share those updates and stories! We all need some positive news right now, and sharing it with each other will remind you why you embarked on surrogacy in the first place.

Taking a break from all the coronavirus talk is not just smart — it’s necessary for your mental health. Do what you can to prepare each other for the unknown ahead, but don’t focus on it. Remember that your surrogacy specialist will be here to guide you through those upcoming steps, whatever they may look like.

10 Great Father’s Day Presents: For Dads and Dads-to-Be

Fatherhood is the greatest gift any man can receive. But with Father’s Day right around the corner, now is a great time to lavish the dad or dad-to-be in your life with even more presents.

Parenthood is a unique journey for each person. Even within a surrogacy partnership, participants will have different experiences. When you’ve recently become a parent through the surrogacy process — or are preparing as an intended parent — the journey is especially distinct.

The joys and challenges of surrogacy are unlike anything else. With this in mind, there are several Father’s Day gift ideas that are great for anyone who became a father through surrogacy.

10 Great Father’s Day Presents

1. Surrogacy Memory Book

This gift takes preparation, but it’s worth the time. Collect pictures, texts or letters exchanged during the surrogacy process. If you can, ask the surrogate to contribute, too. You can create a physical scrapbook commemorating the journey or make something digital.

2. A Grilling Set — With a Mini Match

This is only one example of a larger idea: Find something that will create a bond and memory between father and child.

Does the new dad love grilling? Get him a set of new grill tools, and a play grill that he can set up next to the real thing. Kids emulate dads, and it will be the sweetest thing to look out on the deck and see the two of them out there together, spatula in hand, flipping burgers.

This gift could be anything. A small basketball goal, a little lawnmower, a miniature set of golf clubs — whatever you could foresee your child and their dad doing together.

3. Parenting Classes

This may not be the most fun gift, but any dad-to-be will appreciate it. Becoming a parent for the first time isn’t easy. For those who became fathers through surrogacy, there can be unique challenges forming attachment with the baby. Parenting resources and classes for new dads can be helpful, and these could be a great Father’s Day gift.

4. A Date Night

In the whirlwind of becoming parents together through surrogacy, don’t forget about your relationship. Your partnership is the foundation of your parenting. Take care of it, too, by giving your dad or dad-to-be a night out for Father’s Day.

Your date night doesn’t need to be extravagant. Find a sitter you trust, make a reservation at your favorite restaurant and enjoy yourself. Maybe pick up a bottle of your favorite wine to wind down once you get home. It’s the simple things that mean a lot.

5. Surrogacy-Specific Gifts

There are many small boutiques that make handmade, surrogacy-specific gifts. Etsy shops are a good place to start, if this sounds like something the dad or dad-to-be in your life would like. Decorative pieces with common surrogacy phrases are a good touch for the office as he returns to work, or it could be something to put in the home.

6. Cool-Looking Baby Gear

Baby bags are essential, and most of them are made for moms. But, there’s cool gear out there for any new dad.

From tactical baby bags to svelte diaper bags to trendy stroller organizers, you can find something practical and attractive for your Father’s Day gift.

7. Slippers

Okay, hear us out. Few things matter more to new parents than comfort. They’re going to lose some sleep, and they’ll be pushed to their breaking point more than once. The least you can do is treat them well. Why not help your new dad out with a nice pair of slippers?

At least this way his feet feel good on the long walk down the hall at 3 a.m.

8. Home Workout Equipment

Becoming a parent seems to shorten your days. You used to have time to get to the gym a couple days a week. Now? Not so much.

A small home workout set could be a great Father’s Day present. Even a little daily activity can go a long way toward improving physical and mental health — which makes you a happier person and a better parent. It’s a win-win-win for father, mother and baby.

9. Local Coffee and a New Mug

Notice any increased caffeine needs recently? Coffee and a mug are always great options for Father’s Day. Find a local roaster and pick out their most popular bag to make the dad’s mornings much better. There are plenty of good Father’s Day mugs to choose from. Or, if you want something less holiday-themed, you could go with a practical to-go cup.

10. A Summer Getaway

For our final idea, take date night up a notch and make it a whole weekend getaway. You and your spouse may not be ready for this yet, as it takes time to feel comfortable being apart from your baby. But, if you’re ready, why not book a nice, relaxing cabin for a couple nights?

Enjoy the summer skies, go for hikes, sip coffee (maybe from that new mug) surrounded by towering trees, and refuel together from your first months as new parents.

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There are so many ways to show your appreciation through gifts. Don’t forget to express it in other ways, too. Simple words of encouragement go a long way for any new dads or dads-to-be.

Becoming a new parent through surrogacy is incredible. Take time this Father’s Day to celebrate all that has happened for the new dad in your life and all the good things yet to come.

You can share your celebration, or even look for gift ideas, through our Instagram.

Does Race Matter When Choosing a Surrogate?

There’s plenty for intended parents to consider when preparing for a surrogacy match:

Which professional will provide the best match for us?
What kind of genetic connection should the surrogate have to our child?
Are there things like personality traits, hobbies or education level that matter to us?

Of the many things to spend serious time thinking about, race is not one of them. If you’re an intended parent, this may seem like a blunt statement. Is there any room for disagreement here?

While there are many topics that allow for each person to find the right answer for their unique situation, this isn’t one of them. If you are an intended parent, the race of the gestational carrier does not matter when you are looking for a surrogate match.

Here’s why.

Race and Surrogacy: Understanding the Process

There are two types of surrogacy: gestational vs. traditional. In this modern process, the vast majority of surrogacies are gestational. In fact, traditional surrogacy is not allowed in many states, and most professionals, including American Surrogacy, will only assist in gestational surrogacies.

Traditional surrogacy uses an intended father’s or donor’s sperm but not an intended mother’s or donor’s egg. This means the surrogate is the biological mother of the child. Because of this, there is a greater risk for intended parents and additional required steps, such as legally adopting the child.

In gestational surrogacy, the surrogate has no biological connection to the child. A sperm and egg donor are used in a process that is considered safer and more ethical by most professionals.

What does this have to do with race? From a practical standpoint, this means that the child will not inherit genetic traits from your surrogate — just from the sperm and egg used in the IVF process. The race of the surrogate does not matter as it pertains to your child’s genetic makeup.

The Screening Process for Surrogates

Entering into a surrogacy contract is an exciting step in the journey. It’s also completely normal to feel nervous and have reservations. This could be a place where the question about race arises.

However, it’s not a question that needs to be asked. This starts with trust in your surrogacy professional. American Surrogacy’s screening process is incredibly thorough and designed to give every intended parent peace of mind about their surrogacy partner.

Our process ensures that all surrogates are both physically and emotionally prepared for the unique demands of this journey. Alongside intensive background screening, all surrogates must meet a strict set of requirements, such as:

Be 21-38 years old
Have a BMI of 19-32
Not smoke, use illicit drugs or be exposed to secondhand smoke
Have had at least one successful pregnancy but no more than five cesarean births
Be currently raising a child
Had no major complications in previous pregnancies
Have completed a pap smear in the last year
Not be receiving state assistance
And more

With these requirements, we can generally ensure that a surrogate is prepared, both mentally and physically, for a successful pregnancy. You may notice that race is not a part of the screening process, and that is because, unlike these other factors, it has no bearing at all on the potential success of a gestational carrier.

Of all the questions that are worth asking about a potential surrogate, race is not on the list.

What Does Matter when Entering a Surrogacy Match

You may be wondering what you, as an intended parent, should wonder about when considering a surrogacy contract. This is a great question. Each situation is unique, and there may be specific things you would like in a surrogacy partner.

Many intended parents ask questions like these to a potential surrogate:

What is your family like?
What are your interests and hobbies?
What was your education like?
Why did you decide to become a surrogate?
What were your previous pregnancies like?
What are you looking forward to most about the journey?

Speak with a surrogacy specialist today about the steps you can take to find the perfect match for your journey, or explore our social media content to hear stories from families similar to yours.

A Sign Surrogacy May Not Be Right for You

Surrogacy is amazing, but it’s not for everyone. There are many available family-building options. If you remain convinced that the race of the surrogate should be a factor in your match, then this could be a sign that surrogacy is not right for you.

For all the reasons stated above — and many more — it is clear that race should not be on your mind when considering a match for a surrogacy partner.

If you have more questions about finding a surrogacy match or beginning your process with American Surrogacy, please reach out today. You can contact us online or call 1-800-875-BABY (2229).

9 Tips for Safe Traveling with a Baby During COVID-19

It’s no secret the coronavirus pandemic has utterly changed some of life’s biggest moments. If you’re having a child via surrogacy, it’s no different — you may not be able to attend all doctor’s appointments and even the birth of your own child. And, when it comes time to bring your child home, the stress and uncertainty continues.

So, how can you safely travel home with your baby during the COVID-19 pandemic?

While every person’s situation is unique, we’ve gathered a few tips here for you to keep in mind. Remember, you can always contact your surrogacy specialist anytime for suggestions and guidance as you create your travel plan.

General Guidelines

It’s rare for intended parents to live in the same city as their surrogate, so there will often be some travel involved when bringing your child home from the hospital. Just how far you have to go will play a role in whether you choose to fly or drive home.

It can be tempting to put this decision off until the last minute, but don’t! Knowing what you’ll do ahead of time can help you plan, in order to keep your family as safe as possible.

Follow our Instagram to hear directly from other intended parents about their journey.

Whether you choose to fly or drive, always follow these general tips.

1. Talk to your pediatrician.

Your pediatrician is your best source of information during this time. They likely have tips and suggestions for keeping your infant safe during your travel home. Don’t be afraid to have an ongoing conversation with them about your child’s health, any specific concerns and their recommendations for travel.

Your pediatrician will likely give you information and ideas you hadn’t previously thought of. They’re dealing with many similar situations as yours as babies are born across the country, and they will probably have a list of do’s and don’ts for you to follow.

2. Sanitize, sanitize, sanitize.

Just as you should wear a mask while traveling, minimize the surfaces that you touch — and, for those you can’t avoid, make sure to sanitize. Pack sanitizing wipes and hand sanitizer; wipe down every surface before you touch it and sanitize your hands afterward. Your baby has a weak immune system, and it’s your responsibility to protect them from any germs or virus droplets that might be transferred to them.

3. Think and plan ahead.

Make a list of your supplies — baby formula, feeding supplies, food and drink for your family — and make one big stop at the store before traveling. While it can seem impossible to anticipate your every need during your travel, do your best. Having what you need ahead of time will minimize your stops and contact with other people, as well as take some stress off of your shoulders.

Don’t forget to speak with your surrogacy specialist about any documentation you may need, too. Traveling with an infant may require certain paperwork, and your specialist and attorney will ensure you get what you need early on.

If You’re Flying

If you’ve decided a short flight is better for your physical and mental health than a long road trip, take these precautions to keep your family safe.

1. Know the airline’s policies.

Some airlines have specific policies for flying with infants, and others have new policies due to the COVID outbreak. This may involve wearing a mask or social distancing in seats, so call ahead of time to find out. Mention that you have an infant and see what allowances they can make for your family.

You might also need a doctor’s note or similar documentation to fly with a small child.

2. Use a barrier over your infant’s seat.

Infants can’t wear masks like everyone else, so do the best you can to provide a protective covering for your child. As tempting as it can be to show off your baby to everyone, cover their car seat with a blanket as soon as you arrive in the airport and refrain from removing it unless absolutely necessary. This will protect your child from virus droplets circulating in the air of the plane.

3. Ask to be seated away from others.

Many airlines will try to maintain social distancing among passengers. If yours doesn’t make that allowance, speak with a flight attendant to ask to be moved once all passengers have boarded the flight. If your flight is full, consider asking the airline representatives if you can be moved to another flight with fewer passengers.

If You’re Driving

If you’ve only got a short way to drive home — or you’ve decided you prefer the controlled environment of your car — you’ll still need to take some extra steps.

1. Minimize your stops.

The more you stop, the more you will be in contact with people — and the more exposure you will potentially get. So, plan ahead — pack trash bags and diaper pails for roadside changes, and make sandwiches to get you through the day. Some new parents who have taken this trip have only stopped for gas and bathroom breaks, so talk with your driving partner (if you have one) and make a plan that works for you.

2. Pack your food and baby supplies early.

Babies often don’t come on a schedule, even when there’s a global pandemic going on. Try to have your road trip supplies prepped as early as possible; that way, you can head home as soon as possible after discharge and reduce exposure from buying all your supplies later.

Add these supplies to your list:

Gloves to use only when pumping gas (to be thrown away immediately)
Gloves to use while stopping at rest stop and gas station bathrooms
Snacks and bottled water to eliminate the need to stop for food
Hand sanitizer and sanitization wipes, readily accessible in your car
A small bag filled with overnight essentials, for any stops you need to make
Baby formula and sanitized bottles and nipples
Diapers and baby wipes (as well as a sealed container for trash, to minimize stops)

3. Set a schedule.

It can be tempting to try to drive straight home as soon as you’re able. But doing so can tire out you, your spouse and your child — making it more likely that you’ll make mistakes or put your family in danger from exhaustion and fatigue.

Instead, set a schedule with your driving partner ahead of time. How long will each person drive at a time? Don’t forget that infants typically need to be fed every few hours — and that your child will need comforting and changing just as often (or more). It can be frustrating to stop so frequently, but remember that your child’s safety is of the utmost importance.

Plan out your trip ahead of time with this timeline in mind. If you have to stay somewhere overnight, try to find an Airbnb or similar rental where contact with other people is minimal. And, of course, before doing anything else, sanitize that space upon arrival.

Remember, if you have questions or concerns about traveling to and from the hospital, reach out to your surrogacy specialist for advice and suggestions.

7 Ways You Can Make Your Surrogate’s Experience Easier

Surrogacy is a partnership, and you want to make sure your gestational surrogate has the best experience possible. In addition to sticking to your surrogacy contract and following the advice of your surrogacy specialist, what can you do to make her pregnancy and surrogacy journey as easy as possible?

We’re glad you asked. There are plenty of ways you can take some stress off the woman who’s carrying your child. She’s doing an incredible thing, which is why American Surrogacy always encourages intended parents to go the extra mile to make her feel appreciated.

Small and large, here are a few gestures you can make to help your surrogate’s journey be a little bit easier.

1. Stick to Agreed-Upon Contact Schedules

Just as you will be excited to hear from your surrogate, she will be excited to hear from you, too. You’ll want to hear about her pregnancy developments, and she’ll want to know about how you are doing and how you are preparing for your new addition.

Life can get busy, but the best thing you can do during your surrogacy is to make contact when you said you would. Missing or rescheduling calls and meetings over and over again can send a message to your surrogate that she’s not important to you; she may start to worry something is wrong. Unnecessary stress can impact her and the baby, so be mindful of your contact schedule — and stick with it.

2. Respect Her Time

When someone else is carrying your child, it’s normal to wonder about her and the baby’s health every second of the day. It’s hard to give up control and not be involved in every minute of your unborn child’s development. However, reaching out constantly and asking for updates is counterproductive.

While your surrogate has taken on the important task of growing your child, she also has other responsibilities: as a mother, as an employee and more. She’ll need to take care of those responsibilities throughout her pregnancy, and she can’t take the time to update you 24/7 on the baby’s development. She may not be able to meet as frequently as you like or exercise for an hour every day like you would prefer.

The best way to make your surrogate’s journey a little easier is by respecting her time and the boundaries you’ve set. It may be hard to do, but allowing her the space she needs will help her maintain her mental health — an equally important part of her overall health during these nine months.

3. Trust Her

The success of a gestational surrogacy depends on the trust between each party. Surrogacy is an intimate partnership, and you won’t get very far if you’re second-guessing every move your surrogate makes. Again, we know lack of control is hard — but you’ll need to learn to trust that your surrogate is doing what is best for her and the baby she is carrying.

A surrogate can’t turn her life upside down to adhere to her intended parents’ every desire. Of course, your surrogate will follow the recommendations for a healthy pregnancy, but she may do things you wouldn’t do yourself. Remember: American Surrogacy fully screens every gestational carrier and prepares her for the surrogacy process, so she will know how to safely carry your child for these nine months. When you trust her to do so, you can both create a genuine friendship that will make the journey much easier.

4. Send Some Family Gifts

Your surrogate’s choice doesn’t just impact herself; it impacts her family, as well. Her spouse may need to take on additional childcare and household duties while your surrogate takes it easy. Her children may get less one-on-one time with their mother than they have in the past.

You can make it a bit easier by sending little gifts for her family throughout her pregnancy, like:

Gift cards to restaurants and movie theaters
Personalized gift boxes (like a “pregnancy gift box” full of pillows, a heating pad, chocolate, etc.)
Meal kit delivery services
Toys and games for her children
And personalized gifts expressing your appreciation

Even the smallest gifts will let your surrogate know that you’re thinking about her. They’ll bring a smile to her face even on the busiest of days.

5. Be Organized With Your Finances

A surrogate should never have to pay for surrogacy out of her own pocket. While there are times where she may need to take care of co-pays and other expenses up front, it’s your responsibility to get reimbursements resolved as quickly as possible ( by responding efficiently to any payment notifications the agency sends you). Being organized with your finances — tracking the payments you owe her, confirming her base compensation is paid out of escrow, etc. — can take that stress off of a surrogate’s shoulders.

Organization with finances will not only help your surrogate; it will help your family, as well. If you ever have questions about compensation and other payments, reach out to your surrogacy specialist.

6. Listen to Her Needs and Wants

Remember, surrogacy is a partnership. While a gestational surrogate is carrying your child, she is an active part in the process. Your surrogacy specialist will emphasize this from the start, but don’t forget to treat your surrogate with respect throughout the entire surrogacy journey. Listen to her thoughts and feelings before, during and after her pregnancy, and do what you can to alleviate whatever stressors or concerns she has on her mind.

The best surrogacy relationships are based in friendship first. Take the time to make your surrogate feel as valued and appreciated as she should be.

7. Remember that She’s More than a Surrogate

Your surrogate is her own person, with her own goals and hopes beyond the surrogacy journey. While it’s easy to get wrapped up in the gestational surrogacy process, don’t let all of your conversations focus on the pregnancy and the baby. Take the time to get to know her and her family. Ask them all how they’re doing during your check-ins, and find some things you have in common besides this surrogacy journey. Some intended parents and surrogates go on to have lifelong friendships after the baby is born, and this is the best way to start that relationship.

Appreciate your surrogate for who she is, and she will appreciate you for doing so!

For more suggestions on making your surrogate’s journey easier, reach out to your American Surrogacy specialist anytime, or check in with our online communities on Instagram.

7 Simple Ways to Save for Surrogacy

It’s no secret: Gestational surrogacy is expensive. If you’re considering this path to bring a child into your family, you’ll need to do a bit of financial research. You can’t jump into surrogacy without understanding exactly how much it will cost you — and how you will afford the expenses along the way.

While American Surrogacy does not provide any financing options for our intended parents, we are always willing to point intended parents toward resources that will make this journey a little more affordable. Ultimately, it will be up to you to decide which paths are best for you. When you’re ready to get started, we’ll be there to help.

In the meantime, we’ve offered some tips that other intended parents have found helpful while preparing for the financial requirements of surrogacy. Check them out to see if they’ll work for you!

7 Ideas to Help You Save for Gestational Surrogacy

1. Talk With a Financial Advisor

Before doing anything else, intended parents should always speak with a professional about their finances. Surrogacy requires a large lump sum paid within a few short months, and you’ll need to have that money ready to go when the time comes. A professional is the best way to prepare for that.

A financial advisor can look at your current income, savings and financial requirements to determine which steps will be the most effective and quickest way to gather the funds you need.

2. Set Up a Designated Savings Account

When most intended parents decide surrogacy is in their future, they set up a designated savings account. They allocate a certain amount of their income to it through direct deposit and slowly watch the savings build up over time.

When you set up a savings account, make a budget for your household, as well. What expenses — eating out, shopping, traveling — can you cut down on? Allocate that extra money to your account directly. It may hurt to see your initial paycheck after the changes, but you will quickly adjust to your new normal.

You can also add tax refunds, bonuses and any other extra income to this savings account right away, rather than use it as “disposable” income.

3. Explore Grants and Loans

Many organizations offer help to intended parents pursuing alternative family-building options.

Certain companies — including Prosper Healthcare Lending, CapexMD and New Life Fertility Finance — offer fertility-specific financing loans that can be used for gestational surrogacy. You might also talk to your financial advisor about borrowing from your 401(k) plans or taking out personal loans to pay for surrogacy.

Other organizations offer grants to would-be parents. Take a look at some below, learn more about their eligibility requirements and apply to them, if they’re right for you:

4. Host a Fundraiser

Many of your friends and family may be willing to help you fund your family-building journey, so let them participate with a fundraiser! It could be something as simple as setting up a crowdfunding campaign on GoFundMe, or you could clear out your house for a garage sale or host a bake-a-thon. Get creative, and don’t afraid to ask your community for help. You may be surprised at just how much they step up.

5. Look to Your Real Estate

If you’re fortunate enough to own real estate, consider the opportunities it presents to you. You may want to refinance your mortgage so you are paying less every month (and can save more for surrogacy), or take out a home equity loan. If you have investment properties, you might sell them and use that lump sum as a base payment for your surrogacy expenses.

As always, talk to a financial advisor before making any major changes to your real estate payments and incomes.

6. Consider Consulting or Freelance Work

Do you have any special skills, or can you expand your work schedule from the typical 9-5? If you are handy with tools, consider listing your services to help people complete their home improvement projects. If you are an accountant at your job, consider offering your services to balance books and file taxes.

While it will lead to extra work and less free time, it can be a great way to quickly make some money by doing something you already love.

7. Add to Your HSA or FSA Accounts

Many employers offer Health Savings Accounts (HSAs) or Flex Spending Accounts (FSAs). You can allocate a certain percentage of your income to these accounts, tax-free, to pay for medical costs.

While an FSA expires at the end of the year, you can carryover the money from your HSA year to year. Start putting money in it now, and you may be surprised at the amount you have when you’re ready to start the embryo transfer process.

Contact us online anytime to learn more about our agency fee schedule and how other intended parents have saved up for their surrogacy expenses.

When An Embryo Splits: An Intended Parent’s Guide

In most IVF and surrogacy journeys, creating one healthy pregnancy can be hard enough. But, what happens when the embryo you’ve transferred to your gestational surrogate splits — and you now have identical twins on the way?

This surprise is enough to make even the most level-headed hopeful parents’ heads spin. But you’re not the first parents to experience this shock, and you won’t be the last. What’s important is moving forward with a clear head and a clear set of steps and responsibilities.

Remember, your American Surrogacy specialist will always be there for you in unexpected situations, including identical twins. You can always reach out to them for support and guidance moving forward.

There are usually a few tips we recommend to intended parents in this position:

1. First, Take Stock of Your Situation

Getting the news you’re having twins can be a huge shock. It’s normal to need some time to process this change in your family-building journey. Don’t be afraid to take a beat to accept this news.

Talk with your spouse, if applicable. Talk with your gestational surrogate, too. There is often a great deal of complicated emotions that come with this exciting news, and you are all in this gestational surrogacy journey together. Wherever you go from here, you will need to be on the same page.

However, don’t take too long for this step. Your reproductive endocrinologist will likely present a few paths moving forward (we’ll talk more about those below).

2. Recognize How This Changes Your Financial Situation

It’s no secret that having one baby is expensive. When you have two babies at once, those costs will often more than double.

Being a parent of twins means spending more on:

Baby supplies (clothing, diapers, formula, etc.)
Childcare
Extracurricular activities
School and college tuition
And more

You should also consider the unique costs associated with a multiples gestational pregnancy. You will need to pay your surrogate an additional retainer for carrying more than one embryo, and you should be prepared for the extra costs associated with bedrest, invasive procedures or more time off work. These costs can quickly add up, so make sure you talk about them in depth with your surrogacy specialist.

Remember that a multiples pregnancy is much riskier than a singleton pregnancy. In the worst-case scenario, a gestational surrogate’s health could be permanently affected, and you could pay additional disability and even death compensation. While these situations are rare, they are always a possibility you should consider.

3. Remember the Risks of a Multiples Pregnancy

There’s a reason why most medical professionals no longer complete multiple-embryo transfers. The risks of a multiples pregnancy are just too great, to both the surrogate and the babies she carries. A multiples pregnancy can increase the possibility of:

Preterm labor and delivery
Low birth weight
Preeclampsia
Gestational diabetes
Cesarean-section
Placental abruption
Fetal death

Your gestational surrogate will always be at risk in a multiples pregnancy, no matter how careful she is. This is why intended parents must talk at length with their surrogate before transfer and determine what both parties are comfortable with. If you choose to move forward with a twin pregnancy, your surrogate will have to accept this increased risk, and you will need to pay additional retainers, as mentioned above.

Unlike with multiple embryo transfers, twins that result from a single split embryo transfer often cannot be reduced. Identical twins will most likely share a placenta, making it impossible to remove one fetus to give the other the best chance of a healthy birth. Most reproductive endocrinologists will offer an “all-or-none” option: Either the surrogate must carry both fetuses to term, or the pregnancy will be terminated in hopes of a successful singleton pregnancy next time.

These are complicated conversations to have, made more difficult in the emotions of the moment. That’s why surrogacy contracts are so important — they will address situations like this ahead of time and lay out a clear path forward, should they occur.

4. Prepare for Parenting Two Newborns at Once

There’s a lot more to preparing for twins than getting your bank account in order. You’ll have twice as many responsibilities as caring for a single baby, and you’ll need to take a few steps to make that as easy as possible.

If you can, put these measures in place prior to even coming home with your new additions:

Recruit some family members or friends to stay with you the first few weeks after the babies are born.
Talk to and get advice from other parents raising multiple babies at once.
Create a schedule for when your babies come home — who will feed the babies during the day and night, who will change diapers, who will put together your family’s meals, etc.
Set up your first pediatrician’s appointment.

While you can’t prepare for all of the unknowns that come with raising children, taking a few steps ahead of time will save you a great deal of stress in the long run.

5. Finally, Take a Deep Breath

Becoming a parent is stressful. When you’re unexpectedly becoming a parent to two little babies, it’s easy to get overwhelmed.

Remember that every emotion you’re feeling — excitement, worry, sadness, guilt and terror — is all completely normal. You will never be a “bad” parent, as long as you take the steps now to prepare your family for this new journey. That means taking care of your mental health, too.

Don’t forget that your surrogate is likely feeling all kinds of complicated emotions, too. Take the time to reach out to her and remind her of your support. While the journey ahead may be unexpected, you can get through it together.

You can always reach out to other intended parents and surrogates who may have gone through similar situations through our online communities.

And, if you ever need any additional help or support, American Surrogacy will always be there for you.

5 Tips for Announcing Your Baby’s Birth Via Surrogacy

When your surrogate finally gives birth to a healthy baby girl or boy, you’ll want to shout the news from the rooftops. With baby announcements already drawn up and birth and newborn photos already taken, you’re ready to send those papers out to family, friends and even the slightest of acquaintances.

But hold on one second — announcements of children born via surrogacy deserve a little extra attention. While surrogacy doesn’t make you any less of a parent than if you had carried your baby yourself, it is a special process that you should celebrate in your announcements. But how?

You may have never seen a baby-born-via-surrogacy announcement. Knowing what to and what not to include can be confusing.

Don’t worry — American Surrogacy is here to help. Below, find a few tips we offer intended parents when it’s time to announce their baby’s arrival into the world.

Tip #1: First, Decide When You’ll Send an Announcement

Before we get into the details of sending baby announcements, we know that you might be interested in sending surrogacy and pregnancy announcements, as well. Ultimately, it will be up to you and your spouse to decide what time is best to announce your new addition — but there are a few things to consider.

Many parents are so excited to finally begin their surrogacy journey that they announce their news right at the start. Or, they may be so thrilled at their surrogate’s positive pregnancy test that they can’t keep their news to themselves. It’s totally understandable to want to share your surrogacy journey with the world, but we encourage intended parents to be patient.

If you want to send a pre-birth announcement, doctors often recommend waiting until 12 weeks of pregnancy. At that point, the risks of miscarriage decrease greatly, and there is a higher chance that your surrogate will deliver a healthy, happy baby.

Because of the potential risks of surrogacy, many intended parents wait until their baby is born to share their parenthood news with the world. While we encourage intended parents to tell their close family and friends about their journey early on, it might be best to wait until your little one is home before telling every person in your network.

But, again, this decision is always up to you.

Tip #2: Don’t Forget to Honor Your Gestational Carrier

You know birth announcements typically include a cute photo and the birth details. But, when your child is born via surrogacy, don’t forget one important detail: your gestational carrier.

Your surrogate will have sacrificed a great deal of time and energy to help you become a parent. And, while she will be fairly compensated and receive a great deal of satisfaction in her choice, you should also honor that journey.

How exactly you do this is up to you. But a simple line like “Thank you to our gestational carrier Sarah for bringing our little joy into the world!” can recognize her unique role and show your appreciation.

Tip #3: But Don’t Overshare Info

Remember that your surrogate is her own person — and she has the right to tell her surrogacy story in her own way and on her own time. Don’t use your birth announcement to describe every step of your surrogacy journey (unless you’ve cleared it with her ahead of time). Details like the surrogate’s last name, location, age and family members should stay off the announcement. A simple shout-out will be enough.

Remember: If you post your birth announcement to social media, it can easily be seen by those not in your network, even with privacy settings.

Tip #4: Look to Other Examples for Ideas

While surrogacy is becoming more common, you may not have anyone in your community who has gone through this process. If you’ve never seen a surrogacy birth announcement, how do you know what yours should look like?

The good news is that you can use templates from traditional birth announcements for your surrogacy birth announcements. You may need to tweak a few details, but most of the basics will remain the same.

We’ve gathered a few examples here for you to check out. Hop on Pinterest for some more ideas.

Tip #5: Do What’s Right for You

Like most aspects of your surrogacy journey, there is no “right” or “wrong” way to announce your baby’s birth. If you’re a more private person, you may not send an announcement at all. Maybe you keep your announcements to a smaller group of people and don’t even mention your surrogate on them — because, by then, your gestational surrogacy is common knowledge.

Every one of these options (and the many more available to you) are perfectly okay. Gestational surrogacy is a long journey, and you’ll have to make a lot of compromises along the way. If you want to do birth announcements completely your way, that’s totally understandable.

If you ever need guidance on when and how to announce your gestational surrogacy journey, don’t be afraid to reach out to your American Surrogacy specialist anytime.

Follow our Instagram to hear about how other intended parents approached their surrogacy and birth announcements.

3 Essential Qualities to Look for in a Surrogate

Finding the right gestational surrogate is a big deal. After all, this is the woman you’ll be trusting to carry your most precious cargo: your baby. As such, we’re sure you’ve spent a lot time imagining what it will be like to finally meet her.

You’re probably more than a little excited to get this process started. But there are a few things that you should look for before you choose a surrogacy partner. Finding a surrogate that’s in the right location and age range, and meets your goals and desires is great — but for this post we’d like to go a bit deeper.

If you’re searching for the perfect surrogate who checks all of your boxes, here are a few more things to add to that list.

1. She Wants to Get to Know You

Once you think you’ve found the perfect surrogate, it’s time to start getting to know her. Like in any new relationship, you can get to know each other through phone calls, emails and in-person visits. When you talk to a prospective surrogate, keep an eye out for a few things:

Does she seem excited and interested in meeting you?
Does she look forward to talking to you?
Is she just as excited for the process as you are?
Does she ask about your hobbies, interests and dreams for this baby?
Does she answer all the right questions?

Any good relationship should be a two-way street. If you think you’ve found the perfect surrogate, but she doesn’t seem as excited to get to know you as you are, don’t be afraid to move on. And if you’re worried about breaking the ice, don’t forget that your surrogacy specialist can mediate the initial contact.

2. She Knows that it’s Not About the Money

It’s not easy being a surrogate. Numerous fertility treatments, a potentially challenging pregnancy and childbirth are all things a surrogate has to ask herself if she’s ready for before taking on this journey. This means that many surrogates are well-compensated for their time and energy.

But with that being said, it shouldn’t just be about the money. The women who choose to become gestational surrogates are compassionate, family-oriented and selfless. Helping someone else finally build the family of their dreams is something a surrogate is truly passionate about. And most importantly, it’s her calling.

When you speak with a surrogate, you should feel like they’re doing this because they want to, not because of how well they’re being paid. Financial compensation is great, but it’s not the only thing that they should be thinking about. If you have a feeling that a prospective surrogate is only doing this for the money, it might be time to look elsewhere.

You don’t have to pick the first gestational surrogate you talk to. If it’s not the right match, your surrogacy specialist will give you some pointers for what to do next.

3. She Just Gets You

Many intended parents feel it in their heart when they’ve met the right gestational surrogate. When you know, you know.

If you can feel it in your gut when you talk for the first time, there’s a pretty good chance that your instincts are right. The right gestational surrogate will have all the qualities you’re looking for and more. You won’t have to worry that your future is in the wrong hands. While there’s really no such thing as a “perfect” surrogate, you can find one who’s perfect for you.

No matter how long it takes, you will find your match. We know that this process is hectic and that you probably want to move as quickly as possible, but you don’t have to rush. Don’t be afraid to take your time. Remember that you can ask your surrogacy specialist for tips and suggestions as you’re getting started.

What’s Next?

If you think you’re ready to start the surrogacy process, we’d be happy to help. Please call one of our surrogacy specialists today at 1-800-875-BABY(2229) for more information about finding a gestational surrogate through our agency.

You can also connect with other hopeful parents through our Instagram.