Category: Intended Parents

Whether you are thinking about adding to your family through surrogacy or have already started this amazing family-building journey, these articles are for you.

Can You Still Pursue Surrogacy Even if You Can Conceive?

Surrogacy is an exciting opportunity. For many families, this path is the best and only way to build the biological family of their dreams.

But what happens if you and your partner are able to conceive naturally? Is surrogacy still an option for you, and if so, is it the right path?

Absolutely. Just because you can physically conceive doesn’t mean that’s the only path to building a family. In fact, many families feel that surrogacy is the best and only way to bring a child into this world.

Hopeful families come to surrogacy for a host of different reasons. Like with other types of family-building methods, choosing surrogacy will be a very personal decision to make — but it’s always an option for you.

Why Do Intended Parents Pursue Surrogacy if They Can Conceive?

There are a lot of answers to this question. Ultimately, every intended parent gets to decide how they want to build their family and why they want to do so through surrogacy.

To find likeminded families, and hear how past intended parents have navigated their surrogacy journey, you may want to join an online surrogacy community.

Below are just five reasons that intended parents might choose surrogacy over their other options. Remember, no matter what the reason is, each one is valid, and there’s nothing wrong with choosing surrogacy over other family-building options.

1. An intended mother struggles to carry full-term.

Many women who are able to conceive struggle to carry their baby to full term. The reasons are numerous, but frequent miscarriages are common. After so many failed pregnancies, some women instead turn to surrogacy to make their family-building dreams come true.

2. Surrogacy feels right for them.

Similar to couples who choose to adopt even when they can conceive, many couples know that surrogacy is the right path for them, even if conceiving naturally is a possibility. Many women just don’t want to be pregnant, whether that’s for health or personal reasons, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

3. A pregnancy could put an intended mother’s health at risk.

For many women, conception is possible, but that doesn’t mean it’s safe. Some medical conditions and complications during pregnancy can affect not only a mother’s but a baby’s health, as well.

If a woman already has a pre-existing condition — like high blood pressure (also known as hypertension) and preeclampsia — becoming pregnant can worsen her health. Some conditions can made worse by becoming pregnant, posing too much of a risk for the intended mother. In that case, surrogacy will almost always be a better option.

4. They’re not interested in adoption or foster care.

When they learn how much goes into surrogacy, some people ask, “Why can’t you just adopt?”

It’s not as simple as you might think. While adoption is a viable option for building a family, it’s not for everyone. Adoption, like surrogacy, is still a complex, emotional process. There are some families who don’t want to pursue adoption because of the length of time it takes to bring a child home. They may also decide against foster care adoption because of the unreliability of this family-building path.

5. An intended mother is older than ideal for pregnancy.

By the time a woman reaches her 40s, it becomes much harder to conceive naturally. While it can still happen, the likelihood drops significantly. Age can be a huge obstacle for women who decide that they’re ready to become pregnant and carry a baby to term.

Rather than risk the failure to conceive, they instead choose gestational surrogacy from the get-go.

Is Surrogacy Right for Me?

That’s a question that only you can answer. But, with a lot of research, you can come to an answer that feels right for you.

Whether you can conceive or not, you should never feel guilty or ashamed for your surrogacy choice. At the end of the day, you have to make the decision that feels right to you. As long as you’ve done the work to educate yourself about what it takes to pursue surrogacy, there’s nothing wrong with this family-building option.

If you’re interested in becoming an intended parent, your first job will be to speak to a surrogacy specialist. To learn more, please call 1-800-875-BABY(2229) or contact American Surrogacy online to speak with a surrogacy specialist today.

Surrogacy for Gay Couples: Who Should Be the Genetic Father?

Surrogacy is the journey of a lifetime. But if you’re considering this family-building path as a gay male couple, there’s a big decision you’ll have to make.

Which one of you should be your child’s genetic father?

This question may be a lot harder to answer than you might think. For many LGBTQ couples, deciding who should be the genetic parent is the first obstacle as you start the surrogacy process.

But it doesn’t have to be as tough as it seems. To help make the decision a little bit easier, we’ve gathered some tips to set you off on the right path.

You can also check out our Instagram to hear from intended parents and how surrogacy made parenthood a possibility for them.

Start with an Honest Discussion

The most important conversations can be some of the toughest to have. But in any committed, loving relationship, you should be able to have open-minded, respectful discussions while recognizing both parties’ feelings. However, deciding who will be the genetic father could lead to a challenging and awkward conversation.

Because this decision will have a huge impact on your future, it’s only natural to be concerned. Family ties can also invoke strong emotions, so don’t be surprised if this conversation becomes stressful. Preparation and honesty will go a long way. Make sure to be up-front and honest about your expectations for this process.

Ultimately, choosing the genetic father is a decision you should make together. It goes without saying, but don’t save this conversation until the last minute. Leave enough time so the two of you can say what you need without feeling rushed. More likely than not, this will need to be a conversation that you revisit more than once.

Don’t forget to put your own convictions aside for a moment to give your partner’s feelings your full attention. Even if you are set on one choice beforehand, this conversation might just change your feelings. Try to be flexible and understanding throughout these discussions.

As long as you’re open and honest, you should be able to eventually come a decision that works for both of you.

Helpful Tips

Before you can make a decision this big, there are some key things you’ll need to do as an LGBTQ couple:

  • Talk to your fertility doctor: While it’s important to talk amongst yourselves, we recommend a third opinion, too. A fertility doctor can take a better look at your genetics and sperm quality. From there, they might explain which one of your sperm samples will give you the best chance of success.
  • Take a look at your family history: Before you make your decision, you may want to look at your family history, too. If there are genetic conditions or predispositions on either side of your family that you don’t want to pass on, take that into account.
  • Think about what you do want to pass on: Do you or your partner have a favorite trait that you’d like to pass on, such as your height or your hair color? It might sound like a small piece of the puzzle, but this might make a big difference in your decision.

Think Outside of the Box

When it comes to biological connection, there are a number of options for LGBTQ couples like you.

If you are planning to have multiple children through surrogacy, think about your future. For example, one of you could be the genetic father for your first child, and your partner could be the genetic father of the second (and so on). That way, each father could have a biological connection to each child.

Another option is to let your doctor choose the embryo without telling you who the genetic father is. This way, you’ll take the decision off your shoulders and leave it up to a professional. You can later identify the genetic father with a paternity test, or you might decide knowing is not as important as you thought.

Finally, you could ask a female relative (like a sister or cousin) of the non-biological father to be the egg donor for your gestational surrogacy. That way, the non-biological father still has some genetic connection to his child, even if it’s not direct.

However you decide to do it, choose a path that will make both of you happy.

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It may not be easy to decide who will pass on genetic traits to your child. No matter what you decide, make sure that you’re able to come to an agreement together. If you’re having trouble doing so, the two of you might speak with an infertility counselor or a professional who specializes in gamete donation for more advice.

If you have any other questions about the surrogacy process with our agency, please don’t hesitate to reach out to one of our surrogacy specialists.

5 Signs Surrogacy After IVF is Right for You

Building a family is a lifelong dream for many people, one that can be years in the making. But, if you’ve been struggling with unsuccessful IVF attempts for some time, you might be unsure of what your other options are to make your dreams come true.

It’s common for hopeful parents to turn to gestational surrogacy after IVF and infertility treatments. However, it can be hard to know when it’s the right time to move forward or if it’s worth giving this process one last shot — especially if you are hoping that your dreams of becoming pregnant will eventually come true.

Naturally, this will be a decision that you’ll want to put a lot thought into. Changing your family-building plans will be a big adjustment, so it’s okay to take your time as you decide what works best for you. If you’re struggling at all while you try to figure out what to do next, remember that you can always talk to your infertility counselor.

In the meantime, here are five signs to look out for that might mean surrogacy is the right option for you.

1. You’re Ready to Move on from IVF Treatments

This one seems obvious, but it may take a lot of soul-searching before you can truly say yes.

Many people who are moving to surrogacy after IVF have already gone through several rounds of treatment — which means a lot of time and, sadly, disappointment. At this point, you’re probably feeling exhausted, disappointed and heartbroken. And no one can blame you.

For many people who have been pursuing IVF for months or years, it can be extremely difficult to let go of the dream of finally becoming pregnant.

It would be a great disservice to yourself to pursue surrogacy before you’re truly ready. Surrogacy is a long process with its own emotional ups and downs. Before you decide to move forward with it, you should research all family-building methods to confirm you’re making the right decision.

2. You’re More Interested in Parenting than Pregnancy

If you’re interested in surrogacy, you need to be prepared for the fact that someone else will be carrying your baby. Obviously, this process will not be like the pregnancy process you spent so much time envisioning. While it will be difficult, you must let go of your dreams of becoming pregnant in order to have a smooth journey during the surrogacy process.

If you have come to terms with this fact, you may also have realized that, for you, becoming parents is more rewarding than the pregnancy process itself. At the end of the day, that’s what this process really comes down to.

If you’re having doubts about the surrogacy process, or if you’re not ready to let go of your dreams of carrying your child, it would be better to wait until you are truly 100% ready to move forward.

3. You’re Worried About the Cost of Continuing IVF

As you likely already know, IVF treatments aren’t cheap.

It can be extremely frustrating and disheartening to watch your savings dwindle as you attempt cycle after cycle. Instead, many families choose to put their money toward a process with a higher chance of success. While this could mean they decide on surrogacy, they might even think about adoption, which has even greater chance of success.

While it may not be what you hoped for when you set off on your family-building journey, surrogacy can still be a great, fulfilling journey — that leaves you with more funds to give your child the opportunities they deserve.

4. You Only Have a Few Embryos Left

If an intended parent only has a few embryos left, they may start to look at other options — like surrogacy. When faced with this situation, the last thing that many families want to do is to put all their hopes into the traditional IVF process only to be let down once more.

If you’re unsure what to do and you want to protect your last embryos, it may be time to look into surrogacy, especially if you’re looking for an option with a higher success rate. Naturally, you will want to talk to a surrogacy specialist if you’re considering this path.

5. You’ve Done Your Research

For many people, surrogacy is still relatively new. Before you really get going, do as much research as possible about this process to make sure that it’s the best alternative for you.

Like IVF treatments, surrogacy can be a lengthy and expensive process. It is not something that just anyone can jump into, and it is certainly not right for everyone.

Please make sure that you’re ready emotionally, mentally and physically before you get started. Remember that moving on from IVF treatments doesn’t mean that you have to let go of your dreams of parenthood. We know that this is a big adjustment, and it will be an incredibly difficult decision to make as you consider your options for building a family.

You can connect with surrogacy stories on our Instagram, and if you think that you’re ready to learn more about the surrogacy process, please contact our surrogacy specialists at 1-800-875-2229(BABY). You are under no obligation to start the process, but they will give you plenty of information to help you learn more about this option.

Top 5 Pregnancy Apps for Intended Parents

When you’re an intended parent, making sure your baby is healthy is your top concern. But if you’re not the one carrying your child, you might be wondering how you can stay involved and not feel left out of this important process.

Enter pregnancy apps.

These tools are some of the best and easiest ways to keep everyone in the loop on the baby’s development and the surrogate’s experience. On top of being able to track the actual pregnancy, these apps also offer educational resources for parents before, during and after the big arrival.

Simply put: They’re perfect for any new parent, even those having a child via gestational surrogacy.

You can also learn more about surrogacy by checking out our Instagram to hear from intended parents that have been through the process themselves.

Is a Pregnancy App Right for Me?

Before we get into our suggested list, we should talk about when to use a pregnancy app.

As we mentioned earlier, these apps can be extremely helpful for involving intended parents in the pregnancy experience. They’re also one of the best ways to understand how your surrogate is feeling as the baby develops. And while many of them aren’t geared specifically toward surrogacy, they’re still a great way to feel connected to your baby, even if you’re not the one carrying him or her.

Keep in mind, however, that not all intended parents like using pregnancy apps — which is completely understandable. If you’re not carrying your child, you may not want to be reminded of the pregnancy milestones you’re missing out on. If you’d like to try it out, you can download a few; if they’re not what you’re looking for, there’s no harm in deleting them.

Ultimately, the decision to use a pregnancy app or not is entirely up to you. And, before you decide to use one, it might be helpful to make sure everyone is on board.

5 Pregnancy Apps to Consider

If you’ve been on the app store recently, you’ve probably noticed how many pregnancy apps there are to choose from. It’s a little overwhelming, to say the least.

To make your decision a little easier, we’ve listed five of the best pregnancy apps for intended parents to download.

1. Ovia Pregnancy Tracker

If you’re looking for an app that has a little bit of everything, from pregnancy to parenthood, this is a great one to check out!

There are tons of pregnancy articles to read through, along with tips for your gestational surrogate. The app also tells you about your surrogate’s body changes, the baby’s developments and fun baby tidbits. It also includes a quick pregnancy health assessment, so that you and your surrogate can be reassured that everything is going as planned.

Ovia also offers another app called Ovia Parenting: Baby Tracker, Breastfeeding Timer that may prove useful to new parents once the big day arrives.

2. BabyCenter: Pregnancy Tracker + Countdown to Baby Due Date

If you’ve been looking for pregnancy apps for a while, then you’ve probably come across the website BabyCenter.

A great resource for gestational surrogates and intended parents, this website offers personalized recommendations to help track your baby’s development. It also has a thriving community where you can find answers to some of the most important topics on pregnancy and the baby’s health.

Naturally, their app has some great information, as well. Like the name implies, the BabyCenter app counts down until your baby’s due date. Similar to the Ovia Parenting app, it’s filled with tips and videos for each stage of your gestational surrogate’s pregnancy. It also offers daily parenting advice, and you can keep track of all your baby’s firsts through the daily calendar.

3. What to Expect: Pregnancy & Baby Tracker

One of the most helpful book series for parents-to-be — “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” — now has a fantastic and convenient app to go with it.

Stuffed with helpful information, this app offers everything from daily reads to keep you informed to health tips as your surrogate progresses through the pregnancy. And, if you’ve already bought the book, this app is a great companion to keep on your phone and on the go.

4. The Bump Pregnancy Countdown

This app offers daily updates for pregnancy, along with updates for after the baby arrives. You can also find baby coupons and other savings in the perks section. There are also tons of helpful articles and product reviews, along with tools and resources for your gestational surrogate during the pregnancy.

Unlike other apps on this list, The Bump Pregnancy Countdown offers a 3D visualization of the baby’s growth, which is pretty cool to see if you’re curious.

5. ProDaddy

If you’re an intended father, then you’re probably looking for apps that have you in mind. The ProDaddy app, a pregnancy app just for dads, is just that.

With bite-sized weekly tips, Daddy Deep Dives about complex topics, and Products for ProDads, this tool is great for just about every new dad. Each article is a quick read, so it should only take you a few minutes to get through each one.

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Did you find any apps on this list that you’re interested in trying out? Remember, there are plenty of pregnancy apps to choose from. Do some research to find one that works best for you and your gestational surrogate, and enjoy the experience ahead!

What You Should Know About Ultrasound Appointments: Intended Parent

The surrogacy process can sometimes feel like an out-of-body experience for intended parents. You walk through all the steps of a pregnancy, witness the ups and downs of the trimesters, follow along with prenatal care, prepare for delivery and everything else — except it’s not your body.

Yet, intended parents can still feel the emotions as if it is their pregnancy, or something close to it. Along with this, there’s a confusing mix of emotions that are distinct to this unique position as an intended parent in the surrogacy process.

Perhaps no step of the journey will illustrate this emotional cocktail better than the ultrasound appointments. A big moment in any pregnancy and in your surrogacy process, these appointments can usher in a confusing wave of emotions.

One thing that may be extremely useful to intended parents is connecting to others who have gone through a similar situation. You can connect directly to others who became parents through surrogacy through our online community.

If you are considering surrogacy as an intended parent or already part of the process, here’s what you need to know about ultrasound appointments, as well as a few tips for enjoying this beautiful part of your journey.

Preparing for Ultrasound Appointments

There are plenty of steps in the process before you get to the ultrasound — too many to cover in-depth here. Instead, we’ll skip to the beginning of the medical process.

As an intended parent, you’ll work together with the surrogate (according to the parameters in your surrogacy contract) to pick a medical provider for these steps of the process.

The surrogate will go through intensive screening, a mock cycle, preparation for the embryonic transfer, the embryonic transfer and a confirmation of pregnancy before the six-week ultrasound. If that sounds like a lot, well, it is! Don’t worry; your surrogacy specialist will be working as hard as possible to make sure everything goes according to plan.

Once the pregnancy is confirmed, it’ll be time to schedule the six-week ultrasound with the fertility clinic. Depending on your fertility clinic, there may be a second ultrasound appointment at 12 weeks before prenatal care fully transfers to the OBGYN. Once in the care of the OBGYN, there will be several more ultrasound appointments.

It will be up to you how many of the ultrasound appointments to attend. If your surrogate lives close by, this will be easier to plan. If you have to travel, then you will need to decide what the cost and time is worth.

What to Expect During Ultrasound Appointments

The practical preparation for ultrasound appointments is relatively straightforward. The emotional work you’ll need to do before, during and after can be more challenging.

When you’re an intended parent, these are some of the strong emotions you should expect to feel when you’re present at ultrasound appointments:

Joy

That’s your child! Take this moment in. You’re getting a glimpse at the future of your family thanks to the wonders of modern medical technology. It’s a beautiful sight.

Jealousy

That’s quite a swing, isn’t it? We hate the feeling of jealousy. It makes us uncomfortable. But it’s actually a fairly common emotion for intended parents who, in many cases, spent years dreaming of this moment for themselves. Be aware that this feeling may come on unexpectedly and with force during the ultrasound appointments.

Confusion

Medical professionals are not always sure how to address a room with both the surrogate and intended parents present. Who to look at and speak to can be confusing, and it can create a tense dynamic. The doctor may address the surrogate when you feel they should be addressing you, or vice versa.

Ways to Get the Most Out of Your Ultrasound Appointments

These emotions and more are common. Not only that — they are normal and should be expected. Nothing you feel during the ultrasound appointments is inherently bad. The good or bad of the situation depends on your response.

It won’t be easy to process all of that on the fly. Here are a few things you can do to prepare yourself and get the most out of the ultrasound appointments:

Stay in close contact with your surrogacy specialist.

Your specialist is there to guide you through the process. From practical help preparing for appointments to emotional counseling during difficult times, call your specialist.

Have honest conversations with your partner (if applicable).

If you have a spouse or partner, are you on the same page with them? Unity and an understanding of the other’s mental state make it easier to support each other. Don’t hide some of the more uncomfortable emotions from your partner. Speak openly and often about how you’re feeling, especially before and after ultrasound appointments.

Prepare for uncomfortable feelings.

You are, in a sense, already doing this. By reading this article, you’re becoming aware of some of the challenging things to expect at ultrasound appointments. That means you can be prepared rather than caught off guard. Develop plans for how you’ll respond to feeling of sadness or jealousy to minimize the impact those emotions have on your experience.

Find ways to focus on the good feelings.

This is not to say that you should ignore or deny the more frustrating emotions. Instead, find ways to focus on the good ones that are also present in the moment.

Some people find practices like daily journaling or mindfulness practices helpful, or you can find breathing exercises to bring your emotions back under control in the moment. Anything that helps you is a good practice to develop.

Speak With Your Specialist

Your surrogacy specialist should be your most trusted resource during your process, and a complex step like the ultrasound appointments is a perfect example of why. Our specialists have experience guiding other intended parents through these challenging emotions, and they can help you, too.

Feeling nervous about your ultrasound appointments as an intended parent? Call your specialist today. Still considering surrogacy as a family-building option? Contact us online now to learn more, or call 1-800-875-BABY(2229).

How to Find Patience in the Surrogacy Journey

Waiting is hard, especially when you know what you want. That’s why it can be so frustrating when steps of the surrogacy process seem to drag on and on. Why can’t things speed up, already?

If you’re preparing for the surrogacy process — as an intended parent or surrogate — you will need to find ways to develop patience. Unfortunate as it may be, there are aspects of this process that simply can’t be rushed. You might feel frustrated during those times, and that’s completely understandable. How you respond to that frustration will play a big part in your overall experience with the surrogacy process.

For the best experience on this life-changing journey, consider some of these tips and pointers on ways to find patience when things are moving slowly.

Finding Patience as an Intended Parent

You’ve likely been waiting for a long time when you’re an intended parent in the surrogacy process. The dream of parenthood has been in your sights for years, possibly many years, and now that you’re so close you just want it to be here now.

This is extremely understandable. It’s normal. In fact, it’s good. It’s a sign of your already deep love for your child and your desire to take on the responsibilities of parenthood. However, unchecked impatience can spoil the process.

Here are a few things to do and consider when you feel frustrated by the pace of the process:

Speak with your surrogacy specialist.

Your first and most important call is always to your specialist. An open, honest dialog with your specialist sets the foundation for a successful surrogacy process. Feeling impatient? Talk about it — and remember to be kind, because your specialist is working as hard as they can to support you during this journey.

Remind yourself what you’re waiting for.

One good way to do this is by writing it out. This forces your brain to consider the idea to the fullest extent. It may seem silly — of course you know what you’re waiting for.

But, it’s easy to get caught up in the moment when the process becomes frustrating. Taking time to re-examine your hopes and dreams of becoming a parent can reset your focus and help you find the necessary patience during a slow-moving step of the process.

Find something else to do.

The surrogacy process can feel all-consuming, but there are other parts of life that matter, too. Find something to take your mind off the process, if only for a moment. Nothing makes a wait feel longer than only thinking about the thing you’re waiting for. The clock will speed up if you begin investing your energy in other areas of life. This could be work, your relationships, or even something fun like a good book or movie. Give yourself a break — you deserve it.

Finding Patience as a Surrogate

Choosing to become a surrogate is amazing. It’s a brave, loving decision. If you’ve made it, then you’re probably eager to get started. You will play an essential role in the life of a family and experience something totally unique and life-changing for yourself, as well.

So, it’s completely understandable to become impatient when things aren’t moving as quickly as you’d like. There are things that take time — maybe a lot of time — for this process to be completed correctly.

About ready to pull your hair out waiting for the next step of the process? Here are several things to keep in mind when you feel impatient about a step of the process:

There’s a reason it takes a long time to find a match.

Your agency is hard at work looking for the perfect intended parents for you. The surrogacy process will be most rewarding with the right match. It may feel good in the moment for things to move faster, but that could lead to frustration later on if a match is forced.

All those legal documents are really important.

Sometimes the surrogacy contract can take weeks or more to draw up. Your attorney isn’t slacking — they are making sure that everything is covered. This contract protects everyone involved, and it needs to be airtight. It may take a long time, but it will protect you in the end.

Speak with your specialist.

Just like for intended parents, your surrogacy specialist should be your most trusted resource during this process. Feeling antsy about how long things are taking? Your specialist will understand. Give them a call.

Perspective: It Will Be Worth the Wait

Time is an illusory and subjective experience. Sometimes it flies; sometimes you could swear the clock is stuck. In the moment, it may feel like a step of the process is taking forever. But, try to remove yourself from the moment.

You can connect with other families who are currently on surrogacy journeys or are considering surrogacy on our Instagram.

Looking back on your journey so far — during the surrogacy process and in your life before — doesn’t time always seem to fly by? Someday in the future, this process will be done. When you get there, these moments of impatience will fade away, and it will all be worth it. When that day comes, these long waits will, probably, seem like nothing.

Try to remind yourself of that when things become frustrating, when the process seems to moving slower than a snail. The wait will be worth it — we promise.

8 Books Every Intended Parent Needs to Read

Becoming an intended parent is a thrilling journey. It can also be complicated, especially if you are just getting started. There’s a lot to learn.

How does the surrogacy process work? How can you find a good surrogacy agency? What about attorneys? Oh, and how do you find a surrogate?

These questions and many more are likely dominating your mental space — as they should. They’re all important questions. In your search for answers, you can find plenty of great guides online to many aspects of surrogacy, the IVF process, parenting and more. You can even find social networks full of intended parents and surrogates discussing their past expiriences.But sometimes, it helps to go a bit deeper than articles online.

If you’re looking for more in-depth guides to all things surrogacy, then you’ve come to the right place. We’ve compiled this list of the best 8 books that any intended parent should consider reading.

Like what you see, or think we missed an important resource? Let us know in the comments, or contact us today.

Books About the Surrogacy Process

Surrogacy is growing in popularity as a family-building option in the U.S., but it’s still a path relatively few other parents have traveled. That means it can be difficult to find educational material about the process and everything that’s involved. These books help explain how surrogacy works, which can help you feel more confident and prepared for your own process.

Books for Parenting

Parenting is a joy and a challenge. Becoming a parent through the surrogacy process puts you in a unique position. You’ll encounter some of the classic parenting obstacles that everyone faces, and you’ll also have many unique conversations related to your child’s birth through surrogacy. Here are a few helpful books to prepare.

Books for the Surrogacy Relationship

Relationships can be complicated, and your relationship with your surrogate is no different. In fact, it can be even more challenging, since there’s no existing model or experience to rely on. How is this relationship supposed to go, and how can you make it a deep, meaningful friendship? We have one especially good book to recommend.

Books for Kids

It’s important to prepare for the ways you will teach your child about their birth via surrogacy. Thankfully, there are some great books that can help. Many intended parents have found these books to be useful tools in explaining surrogacy in an age-appropriate, positive way to young children.

Speak with a Specialist Today

Books and other educational guides are an important resource, but there’s nothing quite as helpful as speaking with a specialist. If you’re considering surrogacy and have questions about the process, let’s talk.

Contact us today to be connected with an experienced surrogacy specialist. We’d be happy to answer your questions and explain what it takes to begin the process.

An Intended Parent’s Guide to Donated Breast Milk

Having a child via surrogacy doesn’t mean you have to miss out on all the experiences of pregnancy and childbearing. In fact, one of the most popular topics for intended parents is breastfeeding and breast milk.

That’s right — even if your child is born via surrogate, they can still reap the benefits of breast milk. Some intended parents accomplish this through inducing lactation, while others turn to donated breast milk.

In honor of August being National Breastfeeding Month, we’ve compiled this guide for intended parents. Below, learn more about what donated breast milk is, how it works and how you can safely procure some for your child.

Please note: None of the information in this article is intended to be or should be taken as medical advice. If you are interested in the advantages and disadvantages of donated breast milk, please speak to your pediatrician first.

How Does Donated Breast Milk Work?

While breastfeeding can be difficult for many women, just as many women find themselves with milk to spare. After pumping more milk than their babies can eat, these women choose to donate their milk to those infants in need — typically, premature or sick infants who are in the NICU until they are strong enough to go home.

Women who donate breast milk must go through several screening steps prior to being accepted by a milk bank. This ensures that she is healthy and that her breast milk is of a high-enough quality to be donating. After her milk is received by the bank, it is screened, tested and pasteurized before being distributed to parents in need.

Where Can I Get Donated Breast Milk?

There are two paths to obtaining donated breast milk: formally and informally. The safest path is the former; if your child is eligible for donated breast milk in the hospital, your doctor will explain the protocols and requirements.

Most hospitals reserve donated breast milk for those infants in most need of it (those with special medical conditions). However, some may have a supply of “compassionate use” breast milk, reserved for those mothers who cannot adequately feed their babies on their own but aren’t high on the priority list.

You might also purchase breast milk from milk banks, like Medolac, Prolacta and the International Milk Bank. In order to buy from either a non-profit or for-profit milk bank, you’ll need to get a prescription from your doctor. And, like with hospital supplies, milk bank supplies are on a needs-based system; those with sick or premature infants are higher on the list than those parents with healthy babies.

Why is Informal Milk Sharing a Bad Idea?

In your search for donated milk, you may come across communities or collectives of mothers sharing breast milk. Because these sources are not licensed or regulated, you don’t need a prescription to purchase the breast milk — but you open yourself up to many risks.

Unlike breast milk donated through official banks and hospitals, milk obtained through informal sharing is often not screened or tested. There is no quality control, which means there are no standards for milk being shared. Sometimes, those selling milk mix their supply with cow’s milk or other sources without telling the buyer.

Both the American Academy of Pediatrics and the Food and Drug Administration advise against informal milk sharing. While the benefits of breast milk can be tempting, it’s not worth the risk of obtaining through unregulated means.

What are My Options for a Child Born Via Surrogacy?

If you are having a child via surrogacy, the first thing you should do is talk to your pediatrician. They can explain your options for feeding your child after they are born, as well as the differences between formula-feeding and breastmilk-feeding.

If you strongly believe in feeding your child breast milk, talk to your hospital about the options for donated breast milk. Remember that healthy infants are at the bottom of the waiting list, so be prepared to feed your child formula when breast milk is not available. If you are ready for the commitment and can plan far enough in advance, you might consider inducing lactation to breastfeed your child yourself.

Keep in mind that many parents feed their children formula. Some mothers have a difficult time producing enough milk for their children, while others don’t have the time to commit to long-term breastfeeding. Formula-feeding does not mean you’re a bad parent, and it does not mean that you’ve failed your child in any way. While there are proven benefits of breast milk, children fed formula are just as healthy. They are many great alternatives to breast milk out there, so talk to your pediatrician for suggestions and advice.

Sometimes, a second opinion is a great way to open up new possibilities. Connect with other intended parents through our Instagram page.

7 DIY Projects to Benefit Your Surrogacy Journey

Are you the crafty type? Have you ever thought of putting your skills to work for your surrogacy journey?

While many steps in the surrogacy process must be left to the professionals, there’s still plenty you can do on your own to make your experience easier. From handmade gifts to personalized organization systems, there is a long list of DIY projects that you take advantage of for your surrogacy journey.

We hopped on Pinterest to find some of the best DIY surrogacy projects out there. Check out a few of them below, or share some of your favorites in the comments!

1. Something to Organize Your Surrogacy Paperwork

Surrogacy involves a lot of moving parts — and a lot of paperwork. Whether or not you’re the naturally organized type, a little help won’t hurt!

Use your DIY skills to put together a filing system to keep all your medical, escrow, legal and other paperwork neatly organized. Your surrogacy partner and specialist will thank you; having all of your documents easily accessible will prevent delays in the process and keep your surrogacy on track.

2. Something for the Baby and Nursery

Nothing shows how much a child is loved like handmade gifts and nursery decorations. Whether you’re the intended parent prepping the nursery or the surrogate carrying the child, you can harness your creativity into the perfect nursery addition.

While there are plenty of general DIY nursery projects out there, you can always find surrogacy-specific ideas (or tweak adoption-specific ideas to fit your surrogacy situation). And don’t forget all the cute DIY baby gifts you can find!

3. Something to Commemorate the Journey

Surrogacy is a journey few people take, and it’s one to celebrate! If you have time to kill and the creative inclination, why not put together a special book commemorating the ups and downs of this process?

Having a surrogacy photo album or life book can serve a double purpose. It’s not just something intended parents and surrogates can look back on years later; it can also be a helpful tool in explaining a child’s surrogacy story as they grow up. If you want to commemorate your surrogacy journey with a book, start collecting documents and photos from the very start to include the whole story. Let your surrogacy partner know you’re working on a book, and see if they have anything specific they would like to add!

4. Something to Help You Raise Surrogacy Funds

It’s no secret that surrogacy is expensive. If you’ve gathered funds for your family-building journey through traditional methods, why not think a bit out of the box with different fundraising ideas? The tried-and-true garage or bake sale is always a good option, but consider harnessing any unique skills you have (like sewing or home improvement) and offer your services on your local Facebook Marketplace or Etsy.

5. Something for the Baby Shower

Baby showers are exciting for everyone involved in the surrogacy journey. Intended parents deserve to be showered just like those who are pregnant with their own children, and there are countless ways to make a baby shower unforgettable.

Before you go about making any of these baby shower crafts, check in with the intended parents or the loved one throwing the shower. They may have specific tasks they want help with, or you may find they’ve already added these DIY projects to their list!

Keep in mind that many traditional baby shower crafts and games reference the pregnancy of mom-to-be. That obviously doesn’t apply in surrogacy, so update those accordingly to avoid confusion and hurt feelings.

6. Something to Give Your Surrogacy Partner

If you’re a surrogate, you’re already giving your intended parents the greatest gift of all. But you may want to do a little something special to help them prepare for and enjoy their new lives as parents. Don’t feel like you “have” to give the intended parents anything but, if you want to, stick to something handmade and personal that they will love, like the ideas below:

If you’re an intended parent, you probably want to shower your surrogate with gifts for the amazing gift she’s giving you — your child! Your surrogate may have gotten pregnancy gifts from you the last few months, but don’t forget about a delivery and postpartum gift. Even though your surrogate won’t be caring for a child after birth, she’ll still have a recovery period. Why not put together a special postpartum recovery basket full of all her favorite things? Or gift a beautifully framed photo of the baby that she can cherish?

7. Something Just for You

Who said DIY surrogacy projects had to only be practical? Don’t be afraid to indulge in some DIY self-care, whether you’re carrying a child for intended parents or you’re the intended parent stressing out about your upcoming family addition.

Explore some DIY projects for your mental and physical well-being. Surrogacy can be an exhausting process, and it’s no surprise if you need some “me” time. Something as simple as a bullet journal to finish your to-do lists or a homemade spa basket to help you unwind and relax may be just what you’re looking for.

Have some more DIY surrogacy ideas? Drop them in the comments below, or share them with our Instagram community!

What Happens if Your Baby Goes to the NICU?

Babies don’t come on a schedule. As much as we would all like our babies to be healthy, full-term infants, this isn’t always the case. Premature labor and delivery are always scary situations – but it’s even more so when you add in the complicated details of surrogacy.

Every year, about 15 million babies are born premature around the world. And, because many surrogacy journeys involve twins, the rate can be high in gestational surrogacy. While your surrogate and her doctor will do all they can to reduce the likelihood of a premature birth, it will still be a possibility.

If your baby is born premature and ends up in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU), you probably won’t know what to expect. Rest assured that your specialist will support you through this step, although most of the information will come from your child’s doctors.

Here are just a few things you might expect when your baby goes into the NICU after birth via surrogacy.

1. You’ll need to stay in the surrogate’s state a lot longer.

Most surrogacies take place across state borders. So, if your surrogate went into labor early, you were probably already trying to get to her quickly, with little time to prepare. Now that you’re here and your child is in the NICU, you will likely face a long stay in her state with no plan.

How long you stay in a surrogate’s state will depend on how long your child remains in the NICU. You’ll need to speak with your child’s doctor for guidance. Use whatever information you have to create a plan with your spouse or support person during this time.

Here are a few tips:

  • If you have older children, consider sending one spouse home to care for them and set up long-term care with a friend or relative.
  • Look at long-term, furnished apartment rentals to give yourself a “home base” during this uncertain time.
  • Look at your finances and make a budget for this stay. Your hospital costs will likely balloon during your child’s stint in the NICU, so save where you can. Consider reaching out to a financial advisor to stay one step ahead.
  • Ask your surrogate for suggestions on where to eat and stay in the area (more on that below).

2. Your child won’t look like you expect.

All intended parents dream of the time they first meet their children. None of those visions involve the scary sights associated with the NICU.

Your child will likely look impossibly small and fragile among all the wires and monitors required in the NICU. It’s a shock for any parent, but preparing yourself ahead of time can minimize those staggering emotions and help you jump right in to supporting your child. Remember that this is normal for a child in the NICU, although it may not be a “normal” sight for you.

Your child may not look how you imagined, but they are still your child – and they still deserve bravery and strength from their parents.

3. There will be strict NICU rules.

Babies in the NICU are dealing with a variety of health concerns, so a safe, sterile environment is critical in keeping them safe. Hospitals have strict policies on NICU visitation, and your child’s doctor will give you the information you need.

Visiting hours may be shortened, and hospitals may prohibit extended family members from visiting. You may be required to wear a hospital gown, mask or gloves when in the NICU, and you will be required to wash your hands diligently and frequently.

Depending on your child’s health, you may or may not be able to hold them right away. Even if you can’t hold your child, you may still be able to hold your baby’s hand, stroke their head and talk to them. Defer to your doctor’s advice about what is best for your child at this time, and be patient. Every recommendation from the hospital is designed to give your child the best start at life possible.

4. Your surrogate may be a greater support than you think.

Your surrogacy partnership doesn’t end after your baby is born. Most intended parents and surrogates create a genuine friendship during pregnancy, and that relationship often continues after birth, too.

Your surrogate will be just as worried about your baby as you, and she may even feel guilty that she couldn’t carry your child to term like she expected. Remind her that it’s not her fault and, if you feel comfortable, invite her to spend time with the baby in the NICU. This may help her emotional and physical recovery after birth.

Don’t forget that you are on the surrogate’s home turf. She will likely have many suggestions for places to eat and places to stay in the area, and she may even offer to go grocery shopping or run other errands for you during your NICU stay. Don’t be afraid to accept the support she gives; she will be trying to help however she can.

As always, if you ever have questions about your relationship with your surrogate, your specialist is only a phone call away.

5. You’ll need to look out for yourself, too.

When your baby is admitted into the NICU, it’s tempting to focus all of your energy on them. You’ll likely spend all the time you can by their side, going through the same motions of feeding, rocking, holding and just being there. But, as any caregiver will tell you, sitting by a hospital bed for 12 hours straight every day will get exhausting – and it will wear you down.

As tough as it can be, remember your own health during this time. Make sure you’re getting the rest you need, and don’t forget to keep a healthy intake of food and drink, even when you don’t feel like it. During a NICU stay, you will be grieving your original plans for bringing your child home, and that will impact your mental health. Lean on your partner, if you have one, and make a plan, so each of you can get a break. It can be hard to step away from your little one’s bedside, but remember that the doctors and nurses in the NICU are taking good care of your baby.

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As you navigate the NICU stay, remember that your specialist at American Surrogacy will always be there for you. They will be just as invested as you in your child’s health, so don’t be afraid to check in with updates and for support. We know how tough this time will be, which is why we will do our best to coordinate with your attorney and other surrogacy professionals and let you focus on your child’s health.

If you’ve been through the situations described here, you can help other parents like you feel less alone. Share your story with us on Instagram to help parents just like you stay positive and hopeful.