Category: Intended Parents

Whether you are thinking about adding to your family through surrogacy or have already started this amazing family-building journey, these articles are for you.

7 Types of People You Need On Your Surrogacy Team

Nobody completes a surrogacy journey alone. It takes a lot of people to have this baby — various medical and legal professionals, the intended parents, donors, the surrogate and her family and more!

Accepting the help of your surrogacy “team” can be hard for some people at first, but once you open your heart to that team effort, you won’t regret it.

Surrogates and intended parents alike will need key support from certain types of people. Here are seven people you’ll definitely want on your surrogacy team:

1. The Veteran

This is a former intended parent or surrogate who has been there and done that. Every person’s experience with surrogacy is going to be unique. After all, there are many types of surrogacy journeys, and no two partnerships are alike. However, the veteran on your team can often offer valuable insight on “do”s and “don’t”s, even if you listen to their stories with a proverbial grain of salt. They may have helpful suggestions regarding insurance, professionals and more.

Most veterans are happy to help, even if you don’t personally know them. They’ve been in your position, too. A good way to connect with former and current intended parents and surrogates is through support groups, or through your primary professional.

Connect with the surrogacy community through our Instagram.

2. The Counselor

We mean this literally. Many agencies, including American Surrogacy, require prospective surrogates and parents to meet with a counselor before the surrogacy process even begins. This is done to ensure that you’re 100% emotionally prepared for this step. It’s also helpful for surrogates and intended parents to have access to a counselor who is familiar with surrogacy.

Maybe you never need to talk to your counselor again, maybe you check in with them sometime during your surrogacy journey, or maybe you need post-surrogacy support from him or her. It’s always good to have a licensed and experienced counselor on your team for ready access to support, should you need it now or in the future.

3. The Expert

Your American Surrogacy specialist will be your primary point of contact throughout your journey. They’re also the best all-around expert on surrogacy at your disposal. We’re always here if you need us for support or if you have questions!

You can look to the expert for anything, from help finding the best possible insurance coverage for all of you to managing communication. Even if we don’t offer a specific service ourselves, we’ll be able to put you in touch with the right people and help you to find the best providers in your area. Everybody needs an expert on their team.

4. The Doctor

The medical processes of surrogacy are complex and high-stakes. It’s understandable if everyone involved is nervous about what’s going on and whether or not things are working! However, it can be easy to over-worry and overwork yourself, especially for intended parents who have never experienced pregnancy before.

It’s good to have someone on your fertility team who is available to answer those nervous questions, present options honestly and soothe unnecessary anxiety. Someone you connect with at your clinic or your OBGYN may be able to be that go-to person for medical questions in between appointments.

5. The Shoulder to Cry On

Someone who can listen without trying to fix the situation will be your best shoulder to cry on. Because, sometimes, we all just need to vent, talk it out or even cry it out! Choose someone who won’t fly into a panic if you need to come over and be upset for a while. Mourning losses or frustrations in a surrogacy journey doesn’t mean that it’s going badly or that you want to quit. Ups and downs are natural.

Surrogates and intended parents alike will need someone they can talk to about the emotions of surrogacy. This is an emotional time, and you’ll need a comforting presence on your team.

6. The Reinforcements

These are the friends, family and neighbors that you can count on to call for practical help at any time. They’re ready and willing to drop everything to babysit your kids for a couple of days if labor begins suddenly. They know that you’ll need a casserole in the fridge when you don’t have time to cook after the baby is born.

Surrogates will need an extra hand around the house as they juggle pregnancy and their normal responsibilities, plus they’ll need a little help during postnatal recovery. Intended parents will likely need to travel at the drop of a hat, and when the baby comes home, they’ll be busy with their new addition. Everyone needs to be able to call for their reinforcements!

7. The Teammate

Your surrogacy partner — the intended parents or surrogate — will be your ultimate teammate. You’re both in pursuit of the same goal, and you’re both there to cheer each other on. Your losses and successes are shared. This often extends to one another’s immediate families — spouses and children. Include them as part of the team! You’re all in this together, so go ahead and look to each other for support.

Who’s on your surrogacy team? Let us know in the comments!

How to Cope With Feelings of Jealousy During the Surrogacy Process

The surrogacy process comes with all kinds of unique challenges that most people haven’t faced. There are unique joys, as well. But, as an intended parent, you are likely to feel a whole range of emotions on this journey to parenthood.

One of the more difficult obstacles for many intended parents, especially intended mothers, is the feeling of jealousy. It can come on quickly and without warning, leaving you wondering why you feel this way and what to do about it. This is what you wanted, after all. You chose surrogacy. So why do you feel jealous of the surrogate carrying your baby?

There’s a lot to unpack here, but the most important thing for you to know is this: What you are feeling is completely natural.

Feelings of jealousy during the surrogacy process are common. It is okay to feel the way you are feeling. As you process your emotions and find the best way forward, here are several things to consider.

Don’t Deny What You Are Feeling

Desiring the special connection that comes with carrying your child is completely natural. That desire may manifest in the form of jealousy during a surrogacy process. Don’t try to squash that feeling or pretend it doesn’t exist. Acknowledge this completely normal emotion and give yourself grace as you deal with it.

Attempting to ignore your feelings with just leave them to fester and grow, which could create a rift in your relationship with the surrogate, making the whole process much more difficult and frustrating.

Remember you aren’t alone – plenty of intended parents have felt some form of jealousy during the surrogacy process. Connecting with parents who have first-hand experience could help. You can start with our surrogacy community on Instagram. 

Set Boundaries in Conversations

People are going to have a lot of questions about your surrogacy process. On the one hand, they are asking because they care. Of course, you want to be kind and, to the extent you are comfortable, let people into your life. They can be there to provide support and encouragement for you.

It’s also important to set boundaries on these conversations. Some feelings are best kept private. It’s up to you where this line is. Listen to your emotions. What makes you uncomfortable to discuss? You always have the right to not answer questions.

Remind Yourself of the Positives

You’re about to be a parent! This is an exciting time in life. You shouldn’t deny the hard parts of the process or pretend those challenges don’t exist. But focusing solely on the bad erases all of the good. There’s a lot of good right now, too!

The joys of parenthood bring some of the most fulfilling moments in life. The memories you are making now, and the many memories you will make in the years to come, will be amazing. Meditate on the many blessings this process will ultimately bring to your life. Focusing on the positive can help your feeling gradually shift.

Find Ways to Create Excitement

The surrogacy process is going to feel all-consuming when you are in it. However, you still have the rest of your life. Find ways to remind yourself of all the other things you have going for you. Go on a date with your partner. Spend time with family and friends. Grab a happy hour drink with coworkers.

Whatever you need to do to remind yourself that life is big, beautiful and fun — do it. Taking your mind off the process, even if only for a couple hours, can be refreshing and rejuvenating.

You Can Have a Great Relationship with Your Surrogate

One of the best ways to thwart jealousy is having a strong relationship with your surrogate. You shouldn’t expect to be best friends. But, you can be friends. As you develop a bond, you’ll begin to see your surrogate for who she really is — a complex person with strengths and flaws, not just a woman carrying your baby. This perspective will make it easier to avoid feelings of jealousy because you care about who she is as a person, not just as a surrogate.

There are many strategies for developing this relationship, and American Surrogacy would be happy to talk through them with you.

Have Questions?

These are challenging feelings to figure out. If you have more questions and would like to speak with us, you can call 1-800-875-BABY(2229) or contact us online at any time. We would be happy to talk with you about what you are experiencing. Or, if you are still considering surrogacy and doing your research, we’d be happy to answer any of your questions.

Is Sperm Donation Right for You?

There are many amazing ways to start a family.

Your options today are more abundant than ever before. Even just a few years ago, medical technology and cultural understanding of alternative family-building options through assisted reproductive technologies were much more limited.

With choices come responsibility. A plethora of options requires substantial research. This is a life-changing decision. What’s the best way to start your family? Everyone is in a unique situation, which means the answer for you is going to be personal.

As you ponder your options, you may be considering sperm donation. It can be a great option. However, it’s not right for everyone.

How can you know if it’s right for you? We’re here to help.

This article will inform you on key points of sperm donation and give you several important things to consider about this family-building option.

What Is Sperm Donation?

Sperm donation is a medical procedure in which a man donates semen to help a hopeful parent (or hopeful parents) conceive.

There are two different ways that donated sperm can be used:

  1. The sperm is injected into the intended mother, who will use her own eggs in the fertilization process.
  2. The sperm is medically paired with a donor’s or the intended mother’s eggs, and the resulting embryo is placed in a surrogate through in vitro fertilization.

As a professional surrogacy organization, American Surrogacy has helped many intended parents using sperm donation as a part of the surrogacy process. While we are not medical professionals and cannot perform the medical procedures required for sperm donation, we can provide guidance during this part of the process and help create a plan for the rest of the surrogacy process.

One of the most important parts of this process is identifying a sperm donor. There’s much to consider, like genetics, appearance, medical history, intelligence and more. We can help you identify the character traits most important to you and guide you through this life-changing decision.

If this sounds like it could be the right choice for you, you can always contact us online.

Who Might Use Sperm Donation?

Hopeful parents in many different situations may discover that sperm donation will be an important part of their family-building process.

Female same-sex couples or single female parents often use a sperm donor as a way to start a family. Additionally, heterosexual couples who, for various medical reasons, have unhealthy sperm quality and have struggled to conceive may look into sperm donation. Couples who have genetic conditions they are concerned about passing on to their child may also consider sperm donation.

Connect with families who have completed surrogacy on our Instagram.

Things to Consider Before Choosing Sperm Donation

If you find yourself falling into a category listed above, or are experiencing something else that has led you to sperm donation, there are several things to consider before committing to this option. Your answers to these questions will be unique to you. Take your time thinking about them before making such an important choice.

Have you studied the unique situations that come with raising a donor-conceived child?

We believe strongly that family is more than biology. We also believe it is important to be honest about the unique situations any parent will face when raising a donor-conceived child. These are not necessarily struggles or negatives, but they are special to this circumstance.

For instance, it is important to be honest with your child about how they came into the world. A child who learns they were donor-conceived later in life can deal with a lot of shock and confusion that leads to a negative self-perception. Are you prepared to have age-appropriate conversations with your child about being donor-conceived?

With sperm donation, a donor-conceived child is likely to have many biological siblings (more on this later). Have you considered this and what it could mean for your child?

There’s a lot to think about. Raising a donor-conceived child can be a beautiful and amazing journey. It will also have unique situations and circumstances.

Are you prepared for the cost associated with the sperm donation, IVF and surrogacy processes?

If you’ve been researching assisted reproductive technologies, then you already know that there is a high cost associated with the process. It is a delicate, complicated process with legal and medical components. While there are emotional elements to consider if you hope to start a family, there are also practical ones.

Are you capable of bearing the financial responsibility that comes with sperm donation, IVF, surrogacy and then the parenting journey ahead? Take an honest assessment of your finances before committing to any process.

Are you aware of the Donor Sibling Registry?

When a man donates sperm, he often donates more than once. This is why, as mentioned earlier, it is likely that any child conceived using sperm donation will have biological siblings out there in the world. This can be a beautiful situation, but it’s also very unique and can be hard to know how to approach.

Many sperm donors will register with the Donor Sibling Registry, making it possible for children conceived using their sperm to locate each other, if they wish to. This is important to be aware of and discuss; it’s a topic that will someday come up with your child.

Have you identified a trustworthy professional to work with?

American Surrogacy has a proven track record of success. We work passionately to help you fulfill your dream of starting a family. While we are unable to perform any medical aspects of sperm donation, we can provide guidance and direction throughout the process. If sperm donation will be a part of a surrogacy process, we can provide excellent services throughout.

Working with a trustworthy professional is the key to a successful sperm donation and surrogacy process. If you have more questions about sperm donation, you can contact us online at any time. You can also call us at 1-800-875-BABY(2229) now.

8 Responses to Invasive Surrogacy Questions: Intended Parents

Your gestational carrier will be a more obvious target for strangers’ questions — that baby bump will start to show eventually! But those who know you’re pursuing surrogacy will likely be curious about your side of the process, too. It’s still a relatively uncommon way to build a family, after all, and most people simply don’t know how it works.

However, that also means that people are even more likely to ask questions about the process that are accidentally insensitive or sometimes plain rude. Here are some questions you may receive and some ways you can choose to respond in a pinch:

1. “How much money are you paying your surrogate? How much did this cost?”

You don’t go around asking people how much money they make, how much their house cost, etc. That’s because financial questions are just sort of impolite. If you really want to shut someone down, let them know you won’t be discussing those matters.

But it’s probably helpful to remind them that you can’t put a price tag on the ability to have a family. It’s also important to let this person know that surrogates aren’t in this for the money. They sacrifice a lot, and it’s fair to accept reasonable compensation for this round-the-clock job.

2. “So who is the baby related to? Are you going to be the real parents? How do you know it’s yours?”

Like in adoption, the “real parents” are the parents who raise the child — in this case, the intended parents. Feel free to remind them that this phrase is harmful, especially to children. Give them the correct phrases to use, like “biological ties,” “intended parents,” “donors,” “gestational carriers” and whatever else you feel is appropriate.

As to whom the baby’s biological parents will be, you can disclose that at your own discretion and repeat that biological connections are not as important as familial bonds. If you like, you can explain how IVF works and how your fertility clinic and surrogate will be part of that process.

3. “Why didn’t you just adopt?”

Adoption, like surrogacy, is not an easy road to parenthood. Nor is it the right fit for every hopeful parent. There’s no right or wrong way to have a family, and viewing one path as morally superior or somehow easier than another option is damaging to all families.

You can leave it at that or, if you like, you can briefly explain some of the reasons why adoption wasn’t the right option for you. Just remember that they may push back with arguments why your reasons aren’t valid. It’s okay to stay firm and to again remind them that flippantly suggesting adoption disregards the incredibly difficult process that adoptive families face, just like all families who have children through “alternative” means.

4. “How does the surrogate get pregnant?”

There are an alarming number of people who think that the surrogate has intercourse with an intended father. If you feel that anyone is asking that, shut that down quickly and explain how embryo transfers work!

However, they might simply be curious about IVF and embryo transfers, so walk them through the process. They may also be interested to hear about the surrogate’s side of the medical experience, and how meticulously planned it all is.

5. “Are you glad you don’t have to go through being pregnant yourself?”

They probably think they’re saying a cheerful or funny thing. You can always smile and say, “I still wish it were me — it’d be worth it!”

If you want, you can explain to them why that comment is insensitive. Explain how, even though you’re grateful for your surrogate’s help and you know pregnancy can be difficult, you still wish you could carry your baby yourself and experience that journey together. These comments are hurtful to anyone who has experienced infertility or child loss, or who is unable to carry a pregnancy themselves.

6. “Aren’t you worried the surrogate is going to keep the baby?”

Explain: No, you’re not worried. Not only is this legally not an option, it’s also not something that gestational surrogates are interested in.

Giving a brief rundown of the differences between traditional and gestational surrogacy may help. Let them know that a gestational surrogate has no biological tie to the baby, and her motivations for surrogacy are to help you complete your family. Her own family is already complete! Your surrogate cannot, and will not want to, keep your baby.

7. “Don’t you ever feel jealous of your surrogate?”

Many intended parents struggle with feelings of jealousy throughout the surrogacy process. But it’s important that you stand united with your surrogate and let your family and friends know that you and her are on the same side and want the same things.

If you’re comfortable doing so, you can talk about any jealous feelings that you’ve had. Just be sure to let them know that your feelings of love, hope, respect and gratitude toward your surrogate outweigh any of those painful feelings.

8. “How are your kids ever going to understand this someday?”

Just like any child who came into a family through “unconventional” means, children who were born via surrogate don’t seem to mind! As long as children grow up hearing their personal story from day one, they’ll grow into the understanding of that experience as they age.

Children come to understand all different types of family makeups — those created through marriage and blending, adoption, IVF, surrogacy and more. Explain that you’ll talk about their surrogacy story early and often, so it will always feel natural and celebrated. Kids understand a lot more than we give them credit for.

Respond However You Feel Is Appropriate

Maybe you just don’t have the emotional energy to be a surrogacy educator that day. That’s okay! It’s totally fine if you just smile and nod in response to an invasive question.

If you’re really hurt and upset by someone’s question, it’s also okay to tell them so. If you need to steer clear of toxic people during your surrogacy journey, then so be it. Always try your best to be gentle with your response, and aim to educate rather than to fight fire with fire.

People don’t always know how to talk to intended parents about surrogacy, so try to stay patient. Remember that your American Surrogacy specialist is always there for you if you need help responding to these types of questions or if you just need support!

You can also follow our Instagram for insight from intended parents who have had their lives changed by choosing surrogacy.

Is an Egg Donor Right for You?

Assisted reproductive technologies are becoming more common and accessible to those hoping to start or grow a family. We believe this is a great thing. But with availability comes important decisions, too. If you are thinking about growing your family through egg donation or surrogacy, you have a lot to consider and a very important choice to make.

This decision will play a role in shaping the future of your family. Once it’s made, it can’t be taken back. So, take your time. Gather information and research as much as you can to put yourself in the situation to make the best choice for your life. This article is meant to serve as a guide to anyone searching for answers about egg donation — a viable and increasingly common way to start a family.

If you have specific questions about your situation while you are reading, you can always contact us to speak with a professional.

What Is Egg Donation?

Egg donation is a delicate medical process that many intended parents will use to start a family. There are several people involved in this process:

  • An egg donor
  • The intended parents
  • Potentially a gestational surrogate

If intended parents decide to start a family using egg donation, they will first need to identify an egg donor. This can be done personally, but it is typically best to work with a professional. Intended parents often have specific character traits they want to see in an egg donor, and these can range from medical history to intelligence to personal appearance. An egg donor is half the equation in conceiving, so this is obviously a choice that should be made carefully.

After a donor is selected, her eggs are surgically collected. They are then paired with either donor sperm or sperm from the intended father and placed in the carrier through in vitro fertilization (IVF). The carrier may be the biological mother, or the intended parents could elect to work with a surrogate through the gestational surrogacy process.

Who Can Egg Donation Help?

People approach alternative family-building options from many different walks of life. Egg donation can help many kinds of people, such as:

If biological childbirth is not a legitimate avenue to starting a family for any reason, then egg donation via IVF or surrogacy is a route you can consider.

In most cases, an egg donation is used as a part of the surrogacy process. The only case where intended parents would use an egg donor but not a surrogate is when the intended mother is able to safely carry a baby to term, even though her eggs are not viable.

Questions to Ask Before Committing to an Egg Donor

As we said before, this is a very important decision. It will have a lasting impact on your family. Before saying “yes” or “no,” there are several things you should consider about using egg donation.

Are you prepared to raise a donor-conceived child?

We know that family is more than biology. Family is made of love. There are still differences to consider when it comes to raising a donor-conceived child, even if this isn’t a fun subject to think about. For instance, it is important, when age-appropriate, to be honest with your child about their story. This means talking about gamete donation and how they came to be. If this is kept a secret and they find out later in life, it could negatively impact them emotionally.

This, along with other unique challenges, is something you should consider.

Can you handle the additional cost of egg donation?

Egg donation is a delicate and complicated medical procedure. As such, it isn’t cheap. You are most likely already aware of the costs associated with assisted reproductive technologies as you are searching for options for your family. As you should with any other family-building option, be honest and practical about what you can and cannot afford.

Do you have clear ideas of what you are looking for in a donor?

It’s best to approach the egg donation process with a vision. What are some things you need in an egg donor? Consider genetics, medical history, blood type and more. Even an egg donor’s personality can come in to play, as personality is partly genetic.

Additionally, you should know at the start whether or not you want an anonymous or identified donor.

Have you found the right professional to work with?

Gamete donation and gestational surrogacy professionals, like American Surrogacy, can assist you in this process. While medical professionals and fertility clinics are necessary in order to perform an egg donation, we can provide as much guidance and support to you as possible. Have you found a professional with clear processes and a proven track record of success? Working with the right organization can significantly affect your experience with egg donation.

If you would like to learn more about egg donation, surrogacy and American Surrogacy’s history of success, we would love to talk. You can contact us online at any time or call 1-800-875-(BABY)2229 to learn more. Or, follow our Instagram to here from surrogates and intended parents going through the same experiences you are.

Can Intended Parents Read a Surrogate’s Full Health Records?

It’s natural for intended parents to want to be sure that the woman carrying their baby is healthy and prepared for this journey. And it’s equally natural for a prospective surrogate to want to be sure that her privacy will be respected in a process that is often a little invasive.

In the surrogacy process, once a prospective surrogate has been screened and matched with intended parents, her health records will need to be passed around to the appropriate medical professionals. But those won’t be her full health records — just the records of information that is relevant to pregnancy, fertility and the surrogacy process. Nervous intended parents may wonder if something is being hidden, but that’s not the case.

Here’s what you should know about health records in surrogacy:

What Is Included in the Surrogate’s Health Records?

Medical information that is relevant to the surrogacy process — which may include screening information, pregnancy health records, information about medications and more.

Intended parents can request to read the surrogate’s previous prenatal and delivery records, but most agencies have them sent directly to the fertility clinic because they’re massive, tedious and full of medical abbreviations that are difficult to understand. As the experts, clinics should be trusted to handle these health-based judgement calls rather than the intended parents.

Why Is Access Restricted?

Anything outside of what is provided in the health records isn’t relevant to the surrogacy process or the pregnancy. Viewing a person’s extended records is a deeply personal thing — only medical professionals should have access to full health records. Going through a surrogate’s full records would be a terrible breach of her privacy and trust.

How Do Intended Parents Know a Surrogate is Safe and Healthy?

Of course, when you’re entrusting someone you’ve only recently met with the life of your baby, you want to know that she’s going to be a safe choice. But intended parents need to trust their agency and fertility specialists. These professionals carefully screen all prospective surrogates — physically and mentally, to make sure that they’re ready for surrogacy.

Many women inquire about becoming surrogates, because they’re generous enough to want to help others. But only a select few are able to meet the requirements needed to actually become a surrogate. So, if a woman has made it through all those screening processes, then she’s as healthy as a horse! Trust that the medical professionals who have approved her are certain that she’s ready for this.

To help put yourself more at ease, learn about the ways in which American Surrogacy meticulously screens surrogates and intended parents for the protection of both parties, and how these screening measures ensure that all surrogates are healthy and ready for surrogacy long before the medical processes begin.

If you have more questions, or want to hear from other intended parents who went through similar circumstances, consider following our social media.

How Surrogacy May Change Your Friendships — and 5 Ways to Cope

Becoming a parent or helping someone else build their family though surrogacy is an exciting, joyful opportunity. But, as with every new adventure in your life, there are some changes that you won’t see coming until they happen. As you start to move further into an alternative family-building method, it can place some serious and unexpected stress on some of the closest relationships in your life: those with your friends.

If you start to feel like you’ve hit a wall with some of your favorite people, you’re probably unsure of what to do next. After all, these are connections that you’ve nurtured, some of them for many years, and you might not know how to turn the page of the next chapter of your life while still including them.

We want to reassure you that it’s normal to be scared of growing apart. But, the good news is that there are ways that you can cope with a changing friendship — and even ways that you can preserve it as you move forward in your surrogacy journey.

Below are five things to keep in mind if your friendship is evolving in a new way.

1. Expand Your Circle

It’s normal to gravitate toward people who share your own interests. Building a new support system — one filled with individuals who know exactly what you’re feeling — is the best way to cope with changes in your current relationships.

There are plenty of intended parents and surrogates who have been in your shoes and are looking for a new connection. No matter where you live, you can always reach out to other families online or through a local support group. A network of supportive friends can make all the difference during your surrogacy journey, so don’t hesitate to start making new connections. If you’re looking for the best place to start, contact our agency.

2. Give Your Relationship Room to Breathe

If you feel stressed and overwhelmed trying to talk to your friend about your decision, it could be a sign that the two of you need some space. It’s unlikely that your friend will be able to support you 24/7, but this doesn’t mean they don’t care about you anymore. It probably just means that they need room to grow, too. The surrogacy process is a big change, and your friend is probably trying to make sense of everything while still trying to be supportive. After you’ve given them some time to adjust, we’re sure they’ll come around.

3. Teach Them About Surrogacy

Education is one of the best ways to bring the two of you together. This method of family-building is still new enough that many people, including your friends, might have a hard time wrapping their heads around it. Your friends will probably have a lot of questions they aren’t sure of how to ask, and they’re probably worried about coming across as rude or insensitive. Let them know that it’s okay to come to you with any concerns or questions they might have.

4. Cherish Your Supportive Friends

Big life changes — like college, marriage, or parenting — are really when the strength of a friendship is tested. As you progress further into the surrogacy process, you might start to realize that not everyone is as ready for the next step as you are. While we hope that you’ll have the unwavering support of your friends, it doesn’t always pan out that way.

With plenty of big changes coming your way, you’ll find out pretty quickly who your real friends are. We know that it’s hard, but keep in mind that if someone pulls back from your relationship, it is not a reflection of you. Everyone you meet is on their own journey. That’s why it’s even more important to cherish the special people who make an effort to continue to be a part of your life.

5. Stay Positive

The truth is that changing friendships are a normal part of life. Some friendships are meant to last a lifetime, while others are only here for a season. But, that doesn’t make their impact in your life any less special or meaningful. We know that it’s hard, but try to take care of yourself. Exercising, eating well, and finding new hobbies can help take your mind off the stress of your relationship. Staying optimistic during this difficult transition is one of the best things you can do for your mental health.

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When some of the most important relationships in your life are changing, don’t forget that you always have people in your corner. No matter how hard it seems, there will always be people who love and support you and your new journey. If you ever need someone to talk to, don’t forget that you can reach out to a surrogacy specialist today.

5 Things Every Intended Parent Needs from Their Friends

It can be hard to be an intended parent. In many cases, these hopeful parents have gone through a lot to even get to the surrogacy process — and, once they’ve started it, they still have a long and complicated journey to go. Sometimes, they just want to feel like any other expectant mom or dad.

If you’re a friend or family member of an intended parent, you can take certain steps to help them feel “normal” during their family-building journey. Just like any parent creating their family through adoption, intended parents deserve all the same love as someone who has conceived naturally.

Not sure what you can do to help? We’ve gathered a few simple tips that you can use to support the intended parent in your life:

1. A Baby Shower

Just because your loved one isn’t giving birth to their child doesn’t mean they don’t deserve a baby shower! It’s common for intended parents to be left out of the baby-shower fun because they are not the ones who are pregnant. But they deserve to be showered just as much any other parent.

Take the initiative to throw a baby shower for your loved one (they probably won’t do it themselves). It may be the first time they truly feel like an expectant parent, and a baby shower can help them experience some of the parent “firsts” they’ve been longing for.

Check out our tips for throwing a baby shower for surrogacy here.

2. A Distraction from the Wait

During much of their surrogate’s pregnancy, an intended parent can feel like they are just sitting around, wasting time. There’s not much they can do to contribute to their child’s development in utero, and the wait to meet their baby can be a difficult experience.

So, take it upon yourself to distract them from the tough emotions they’re feeling. Suggest a night out with a nice dinner and a movie, or invite them to your next big gathering (avoid anything with too many children and babies). Sometimes, even the smallest things — like a drink at your local bar — will be enough to alleviate the stress they’re feeling.

3. An Inclusive Conversation

It’s easy for intended parents to feel left out of conversations about parenting with their friends who have had children. So, the next time you talk about parenthood and include the intended parents, focus on what makes the journey exciting for them. Ask about their surrogate and her pregnancy, and talk about their plans for parenting after the baby is born. While you don’t have to completely avoid topics such as pregnancy and labor-and-delivery stories, be mindful of how your loved ones’ experiences will differ from your own.

You can connect with other intended  families on our Instagram.

4. Emotional Support

It’s no secret that surrogacy is an emotionally trying experience. It’s likely that your friends are going through this process for the very first time; they have to cope with all the novelty of their situation while simultaneously grieving the infertility path that likely brought them here. Like any expectant parent, sometimes they just need a shoulder to cry on.

Be there for them. Don’t try to solve all of their problems or connect with everything they’re saying; unless you’ve been through surrogacy yourself, you can’t comprehend the situation they’re in. Show them some empathy during the hard times and, if you think they are crying out for help, help them get the assistance they need. Postpartum depression is possible among intended parents, too, so make sure to keep a close eye on your friend.

5. Practical Support — Like a Home-Cooked Meal

Emotional support won’t be the only kind of support your loved one needs. Once their new baby is born and brought home, your friend will be dealing with all the normal demands of parenthood. You can be a huge help during this time.

Don’t wait for an intended parent to ask you for help; step in to provide the practical support they need at this time in their life. Ask if you can watch the baby while they take care of important details such as calls with their surrogacy lawyer, surrogacy professional or insurance company. Bring them over a home-cooked meal; they’ll probably be too tired to cook themselves.

If nothing else, just be there for them. Be the first one to volunteer if they look like they need help, and don’t take no for an answer. Just because they didn’t give birth doesn’t mean they’re more prepared for the parenthood journey. If they’re going through it for the first time, every exciting new step has a learning curve.

Don’t forget — your loved one needs just as much support during and after the surrogacy process as any other new parent. Step in and be the friend they need during this time. They’ll be forever grateful.

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If you’re an intended parent struggling with the emotions of the surrogacy process, remember that you can always look to your American Surrogacy specialist for advice and support. Call us at 1-800-875-BABY(2229) any time.

10 Ways for Intended Parents to “Nest” During Their Surrogate’s Pregnancy

Waiting for your baby to be born is a stressful activity for any parent. But, when you’re an intended parent whose baby is being carried by someone else, it can be even harder. It’s normal to feel like you’re missing out on crucial bonding time in-utero — but that doesn’t mean your prep to be a parent starts the moment your surrogate goes into labor.

As an intended parent, you may find you have just as much of an urge to “nest,” or prepare for your baby’s arrival, as any other expectant parent. And don’t ignore it! This urge is a biological instinct that helps expectant parents prepare a safe and secure place for their baby to live after birth. Of course, you don’t have the dangers of the wild to prepare for — just the ups and downs of your future parenthood journey.

If you’re feeling a bit stuck when it comes to your “nesting” instinct, don’t worry. We’ve gathered some helpful suggestions here to help you get started. Whether you feel the urge to nest or not, following these steps can help you feel more bonded to your parenting experience and your future child.

When your little one does arrive, you’ll feel that much more prepared.

1. Clean your house!

Want a clean slate to start preparing for your baby? Embrace the urge to scrub down every last surface, replace old bedding and clothing, and clean everything within an inch of its life.

It’s all a natural part of the process. During the nesting period, expectant parents want their living space to look and feel like home for their upcoming baby. It can help you take control during a time in your life where you have little of it (intended parents waiting for the call from their surrogate can certainly relate).

2. Baby-proof everything.

If you haven’t already, check off that baby-proof list. Babies are notoriously curious; if you don’t take the proper precautions, they can find themselves in dangerous spots around the house before you even know they’re gone.

Baby-proofing your space can give you a peace of mind you may be lacking during the last few weeks of your surrogate’s pregnancy. While there’s not much you can do during your baby’s development in utero, you can certainly ensure they will be safe and taken care of when you bring them home.

3. Set up the nursery.

Haven’t set up the nursery yet? What are you waiting for?

This can be one of the most exciting nesting activities for intended parents. The room is physical proof that, after all this time, you are finally going to have a baby. Go crazy with your decorating, and make sure you purchase all of the supplies you’ll need for your newborn, too.

4. Take parenting classes.

Parenting classes are never a bad idea, especially when you include important information such as baby CPR and first aid basics. You may be worried about what kind of parent you’ll be (as most new parents do), and a parenting class can help you feel more prepared ahead of your baby’s birth. Sure, parenting will always have a learning curve, but these classes are a great place to start.

5. Spend time with your partner (if applicable).

Surrogacy can be a stressful process and, if you’re not careful, it can alienate you from your loved ones. If you’re going through this journey with a spouse, don’t forget to lean on each other and enjoy your last few months as a couple. Try to plan a few date nights and spend some quality time with each other. They will be much harder to come by when you have a newborn demanding your attention 24/7.

6.  Create a surrogacy memory book.

Another good way to spend your surrogate’s last trimester? Creating a surrogacy memory book! This can look however you want it to, but many intended parents choose to include photos of and letters from a gestational surrogate, as well as typical baby milestones such as a first ultrasound, footprints and more.

Making a baby book will not only keep you busy, but it will give you a head start on explaining your child’s birth story to them. As they grow up, you can refer back to this surrogacy memory book to normalize and explain your family’s surrogacy journey.

7. Talk with your gestational carrier.

We don’t think you will, but we have to make sure you don’t forget one of the stars of the show — your gestational carrier!

If you’re struggling to create a bond with your unborn child, your surrogate should be able to help. She can give you all the details you want to know about her pregnancy and how the baby is developing. She can share with you pictures and ultrasounds and, if convenient, you can plan dates to catch up and try to feel the child moving in her stomach.

Staying in touch with your gestational carrier is also practical; it gives you updated information on when you can expect your baby to be born, so you’re not completely unprepared when you get the call that she’s heading to the hospital.

8. Research childcare options.

If you haven’t already, you should make a plan for what you will do in the months after the baby is born. It’s normal to get caught up in the immediate post-birth planning, but don’t forget that you (or your spouse) will likely need to return to work at some point — and someone will need to watch your child when you do.

There are a lot of good options for childcare today, but it takes time to find the right fit for your family. Don’t procrastinate on this important step.

9. Pack your hospital bag.

When your surrogate tells you it’s time, the last thing you want to be doing is frantically running around the house, throwing together your hospital bag. So, as soon as your surrogate enters her third trimester, put together a bag for the hospital stay. Include necessities such as a going-home outfit, diapers and toiletries for you, too. Don’t forget to keep your surrogacy birth plan in mind, and pack accordingly.

10. Lean on your surrogacy specialist.

Nesting can be an emotional process, but remember that your surrogacy specialist will always be here to help.

At American Surrogacy, we understand how involved the surrogacy process can be. We know you might also experience complicated emotions along the way. That’s why our specialists are happy to talk to you anytime when you call us at 1-800-875-BABY(2229). They can always answer your questions and offer suggestions to help you feel more connected to your surrogacy journey. Anything you need, they’ll be there.

Want to learn more about becoming a parent through gestational surrogacy? Contact our specialists today.

Want to hear more about parenthood through surrogacy? Check out our Instagram to hear from other intended parents who have been able to live out their dreams of becoming parents.

5 Tips for Talking to Your Family About Surrogacy: Intended Parents

The holiday season — a time of family reunions, good food, and catching up after months or years apart.

As much as we love our families there’s one thing we can agree upon — sometimes, they can be a bit nosy. It makes sense; they haven’t seen you in a while, and they want to know what’s going on in your life. But, when you’re an intended parent, you often can’t easily just drop “surrogacy” into a conversation and move onto the next topic.

You may be a bit overwhelmed about the potential surrogacy conversations awaiting you during the holidays. How can you share your surrogacy news without having to answer the same questions and address the same comments over and over again?

Your surrogacy specialist can always help you prepare for these conversations when you call them at 1-800-875-BABY(2229). In the meantime, we’ve created this guide to help you make the most of your family gatherings this holiday season.

1. Only share what you are comfortable sharing.

The first rule of talking about surrogacy with family members? That you are always in charge of the amount of information you want to share.

Surrogacy is an exciting journey, to be sure, but it can also be a very private one. You and your surrogate are taking a path together that few people do. It’s a journey that you will both remember for the rest of your life. It also requires trust in each other, as you will participate in intimate procedures together.

The exact details of your surrogacy journey may be something you want to keep in between you and your surrogate — or, you may be excited to share them with family and friends. The decision will always be up to you. Consider talking to your surrogate prior to the holidays to create a plan of what you will both share with loved ones.

Don’t let any family members or friends try to pressure you into sharing information you’re not comfortable with. If all else fails, falling back on the old “I’ve signed a privacy contract and can’t discuss anything more” should put a pause on your loved ones’ questions.

2. Keep your cool.

Surrogacy can be a complicated topic for many people, especially those who have no experience in or prior knowledge of how it works. When you choose to share details of your family-building journey with your loved ones, you may or may not get the reaction you are hoping for. Either way, you should be prepared for the next steps.

If your family members react negatively to your news, take a deep breath. Remind yourself that this is not their choice to make and that the only one you need to answer to will be your future child. You have to do what is right for you.

Think about what you’ll do if someone questions your decision or responds negatively. Do you have a way to change the topic quickly? Are you comfortable saying something like, “I appreciate your concern, but we’ve already made our decision, and nothing you say will change it”? Talk to your surrogacy specialist for more tips for unsupportive family and friends.

3. Show your pride in your decision.

In many cases, your friends and family will mirror your own emotions about surrogacy. So, if they see you are excited and proud of this path you are taking, they will likely feel the same way. They may have their misgivings about the surrogacy process, but when they see you are so thrilled about this family-building process, they will be excited for you.

While friends and family may be saddened about your path to this decision, especially if you’ve dealt with infertility, try to put a brave face on and tell them everything happens for a reason. Yes, your infertility journey was difficult, but if you can look at it with a positive view, they might, too.

4. Be prepared to answer questions and explain your decision.

Not everyone will be as well-versed in the surrogacy process as you. So, when you announce you are following this path, you should be ready to explain exactly what surrogacy is and how it will work. You’ll likely want to clear up any misconceptions about the process. Explain that your surrogate is heavily screened before being approved, that she will get compensated for her services, and that your baby will not be genetically related to her.

It’s a good idea to research the commonly asked questions about surrogacy so you are prepared with the right answers before this conversation.

5. Set expectations and boundaries early on.

It can be a good idea to prime your loved ones on your surrogacy decision before you even meet in person. That way, you can let them know what aspects of the journey you are comfortable talking about – and save yourself from being bombarded as soon as you walk through the door.

Consider sending out a mass email or text: “Hi, everyone! We’re excited to see you at dinner, and we have some exciting news: We’re pursuing surrogacy! We’re happy to answer your questions when we see you, but please keep in mind we cannot talk about (our surrogate/compensation and finances/etc.) per our surrogacy agreement. We look forward to seeing you!”

Not only will this heads-up help your loved ones process your news, but it gives them time to look into surrogacy and complete some basic research, if they so desire.

Want more tips on sharing your news with your loved ones? Contact your surrogacy specialist today.