Intended Parents | American Surrogacy Blog

Top 5 Pregnancy Apps for Intended Parents

When you’re an intended parent, making sure your baby is healthy is your top concern. But if you’re not the one carrying your child, you might be wondering how you can stay involved and not feel left out of this important process.

Enter pregnancy apps.

These tools are some of the best and easiest ways to keep everyone in the loop on the baby’s development and the surrogate’s experience. On top of being able to track the actual pregnancy, these apps also offer educational resources for parents before, during and after the big arrival.

Simply put: They’re perfect for any new parent, even those having a child via gestational surrogacy.

You can also learn more about surrogacy by checking out our Instagram to hear from intended parents that have been through the process themselves.

Is a Pregnancy App Right for Me?

Before we get into our suggested list, we should talk about when to use a pregnancy app.

As we mentioned earlier, these apps can be extremely helpful for involving intended parents in the pregnancy experience. They’re also one of the best ways to understand how your surrogate is feeling as the baby develops. And while many of them aren’t geared specifically toward surrogacy, they’re still a great way to feel connected to your baby, even if you’re not the one carrying him or her.

Keep in mind, however, that not all intended parents like using pregnancy apps — which is completely understandable. If you’re not carrying your child, you may not want to be reminded of the pregnancy milestones you’re missing out on. If you’d like to try it out, you can download a few; if they’re not what you’re looking for, there’s no harm in deleting them.

Ultimately, the decision to use a pregnancy app or not is entirely up to you. And, before you decide to use one, it might be helpful to make sure everyone is on board.

5 Pregnancy Apps to Consider

If you’ve been on the app store recently, you’ve probably noticed how many pregnancy apps there are to choose from. It’s a little overwhelming, to say the least.

To make your decision a little easier, we’ve listed five of the best pregnancy apps for intended parents to download.

1. Ovia Pregnancy Tracker

If you’re looking for an app that has a little bit of everything, from pregnancy to parenthood, this is a great one to check out!

There are tons of pregnancy articles to read through, along with tips for your gestational surrogate. The app also tells you about your surrogate’s body changes, the baby’s developments and fun baby tidbits. It also includes a quick pregnancy health assessment, so that you and your surrogate can be reassured that everything is going as planned.

Ovia also offers another app called Ovia Parenting: Baby Tracker, Breastfeeding Timer that may prove useful to new parents once the big day arrives.

2. BabyCenter: Pregnancy Tracker + Countdown to Baby Due Date

If you’ve been looking for pregnancy apps for a while, then you’ve probably come across the website BabyCenter.

A great resource for gestational surrogates and intended parents, this website offers personalized recommendations to help track your baby’s development. It also has a thriving community where you can find answers to some of the most important topics on pregnancy and the baby’s health.

Naturally, their app has some great information, as well. Like the name implies, the BabyCenter app counts down until your baby’s due date. Similar to the Ovia Parenting app, it’s filled with tips and videos for each stage of your gestational surrogate’s pregnancy. It also offers daily parenting advice, and you can keep track of all your baby’s firsts through the daily calendar.

3. What to Expect: Pregnancy & Baby Tracker

One of the most helpful book series for parents-to-be — “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” — now has a fantastic and convenient app to go with it.

Stuffed with helpful information, this app offers everything from daily reads to keep you informed to health tips as your surrogate progresses through the pregnancy. And, if you’ve already bought the book, this app is a great companion to keep on your phone and on the go.

4. The Bump Pregnancy Countdown

This app offers daily updates for pregnancy, along with updates for after the baby arrives. You can also find baby coupons and other savings in the perks section. There are also tons of helpful articles and product reviews, along with tools and resources for your gestational surrogate during the pregnancy.

Unlike other apps on this list, The Bump Pregnancy Countdown offers a 3D visualization of the baby’s growth, which is pretty cool to see if you’re curious.

5. ProDaddy

If you’re an intended father, then you’re probably looking for apps that have you in mind. The ProDaddy app, a pregnancy app just for dads, is just that.

With bite-sized weekly tips, Daddy Deep Dives about complex topics, and Products for ProDads, this tool is great for just about every new dad. Each article is a quick read, so it should only take you a few minutes to get through each one.

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Did you find any apps on this list that you’re interested in trying out? Remember, there are plenty of pregnancy apps to choose from. Do some research to find one that works best for you and your gestational surrogate, and enjoy the experience ahead!

What You Should Know About Ultrasound Appointments: Intended Parent

The surrogacy process can sometimes feel like an out-of-body experience for intended parents. You walk through all the steps of a pregnancy, witness the ups and downs of the trimesters, follow along with prenatal care, prepare for delivery and everything else — except it’s not your body.

Yet, intended parents can still feel the emotions as if it is their pregnancy, or something close to it. Along with this, there’s a confusing mix of emotions that are distinct to this unique position as an intended parent in the surrogacy process.

Perhaps no step of the journey will illustrate this emotional cocktail better than the ultrasound appointments. A big moment in any pregnancy and in your surrogacy process, these appointments can usher in a confusing wave of emotions.

One thing that may be extremely useful to intended parents is connecting to others who have gone through a similar situation. You can connect directly to others who became parents through surrogacy through our online community.

If you are considering surrogacy as an intended parent or already part of the process, here’s what you need to know about ultrasound appointments, as well as a few tips for enjoying this beautiful part of your journey.

Preparing for Ultrasound Appointments

There are plenty of steps in the process before you get to the ultrasound — too many to cover in-depth here. Instead, we’ll skip to the beginning of the medical process.

As an intended parent, you’ll work together with the surrogate (according to the parameters in your surrogacy contract) to pick a medical provider for these steps of the process.

The surrogate will go through intensive screening, a mock cycle, preparation for the embryonic transfer, the embryonic transfer and a confirmation of pregnancy before the six-week ultrasound. If that sounds like a lot, well, it is! Don’t worry; your surrogacy specialist will be working as hard as possible to make sure everything goes according to plan.

Once the pregnancy is confirmed, it’ll be time to schedule the six-week ultrasound with the fertility clinic. Depending on your fertility clinic, there may be a second ultrasound appointment at 12 weeks before prenatal care fully transfers to the OBGYN. Once in the care of the OBGYN, there will be several more ultrasound appointments.

It will be up to you how many of the ultrasound appointments to attend. If your surrogate lives close by, this will be easier to plan. If you have to travel, then you will need to decide what the cost and time is worth.

What to Expect During Ultrasound Appointments

The practical preparation for ultrasound appointments is relatively straightforward. The emotional work you’ll need to do before, during and after can be more challenging.

When you’re an intended parent, these are some of the strong emotions you should expect to feel when you’re present at ultrasound appointments:

Joy

That’s your child! Take this moment in. You’re getting a glimpse at the future of your family thanks to the wonders of modern medical technology. It’s a beautiful sight.

Jealousy

That’s quite a swing, isn’t it? We hate the feeling of jealousy. It makes us uncomfortable. But it’s actually a fairly common emotion for intended parents who, in many cases, spent years dreaming of this moment for themselves. Be aware that this feeling may come on unexpectedly and with force during the ultrasound appointments.

Confusion

Medical professionals are not always sure how to address a room with both the surrogate and intended parents present. Who to look at and speak to can be confusing, and it can create a tense dynamic. The doctor may address the surrogate when you feel they should be addressing you, or vice versa.

Ways to Get the Most Out of Your Ultrasound Appointments

These emotions and more are common. Not only that — they are normal and should be expected. Nothing you feel during the ultrasound appointments is inherently bad. The good or bad of the situation depends on your response.

It won’t be easy to process all of that on the fly. Here are a few things you can do to prepare yourself and get the most out of the ultrasound appointments:

Stay in close contact with your surrogacy specialist.

Your specialist is there to guide you through the process. From practical help preparing for appointments to emotional counseling during difficult times, call your specialist.

Have honest conversations with your partner (if applicable).

If you have a spouse or partner, are you on the same page with them? Unity and an understanding of the other’s mental state make it easier to support each other. Don’t hide some of the more uncomfortable emotions from your partner. Speak openly and often about how you’re feeling, especially before and after ultrasound appointments.

Prepare for uncomfortable feelings.

You are, in a sense, already doing this. By reading this article, you’re becoming aware of some of the challenging things to expect at ultrasound appointments. That means you can be prepared rather than caught off guard. Develop plans for how you’ll respond to feeling of sadness or jealousy to minimize the impact those emotions have on your experience.

Find ways to focus on the good feelings.

This is not to say that you should ignore or deny the more frustrating emotions. Instead, find ways to focus on the good ones that are also present in the moment.

Some people find practices like daily journaling or mindfulness practices helpful, or you can find breathing exercises to bring your emotions back under control in the moment. Anything that helps you is a good practice to develop.

Speak With Your Specialist

Your surrogacy specialist should be your most trusted resource during your process, and a complex step like the ultrasound appointments is a perfect example of why. Our specialists have experience guiding other intended parents through these challenging emotions, and they can help you, too.

Feeling nervous about your ultrasound appointments as an intended parent? Call your specialist today. Still considering surrogacy as a family-building option? Contact us online now to learn more, or call 1-800-875-BABY(2229).

How to Find Patience in the Surrogacy Journey

Waiting is hard, especially when you know what you want. That’s why it can be so frustrating when steps of the surrogacy process seem to drag on and on. Why can’t things speed up, already?

If you’re preparing for the surrogacy process — as an intended parent or surrogate — you will need to find ways to develop patience. Unfortunate as it may be, there are aspects of this process that simply can’t be rushed. You might feel frustrated during those times, and that’s completely understandable. How you respond to that frustration will play a big part in your overall experience with the surrogacy process.

For the best experience on this life-changing journey, consider some of these tips and pointers on ways to find patience when things are moving slowly.

Finding Patience as an Intended Parent

You’ve likely been waiting for a long time when you’re an intended parent in the surrogacy process. The dream of parenthood has been in your sights for years, possibly many years, and now that you’re so close you just want it to be here now.

This is extremely understandable. It’s normal. In fact, it’s good. It’s a sign of your already deep love for your child and your desire to take on the responsibilities of parenthood. However, unchecked impatience can spoil the process.

Here are a few things to do and consider when you feel frustrated by the pace of the process:

Speak with your surrogacy specialist.

Your first and most important call is always to your specialist. An open, honest dialog with your specialist sets the foundation for a successful surrogacy process. Feeling impatient? Talk about it — and remember to be kind, because your specialist is working as hard as they can to support you during this journey.

Remind yourself what you’re waiting for.

One good way to do this is by writing it out. This forces your brain to consider the idea to the fullest extent. It may seem silly — of course you know what you’re waiting for.

But, it’s easy to get caught up in the moment when the process becomes frustrating. Taking time to re-examine your hopes and dreams of becoming a parent can reset your focus and help you find the necessary patience during a slow-moving step of the process.

Find something else to do.

The surrogacy process can feel all-consuming, but there are other parts of life that matter, too. Find something to take your mind off the process, if only for a moment. Nothing makes a wait feel longer than only thinking about the thing you’re waiting for. The clock will speed up if you begin investing your energy in other areas of life. This could be work, your relationships, or even something fun like a good book or movie. Give yourself a break — you deserve it.

Finding Patience as a Surrogate

Choosing to become a surrogate is amazing. It’s a brave, loving decision. If you’ve made it, then you’re probably eager to get started. You will play an essential role in the life of a family and experience something totally unique and life-changing for yourself, as well.

So, it’s completely understandable to become impatient when things aren’t moving as quickly as you’d like. There are things that take time — maybe a lot of time — for this process to be completed correctly.

About ready to pull your hair out waiting for the next step of the process? Here are several things to keep in mind when you feel impatient about a step of the process:

There’s a reason it takes a long time to find a match.

Your agency is hard at work looking for the perfect intended parents for you. The surrogacy process will be most rewarding with the right match. It may feel good in the moment for things to move faster, but that could lead to frustration later on if a match is forced.

All those legal documents are really important.

Sometimes the surrogacy contract can take weeks or more to draw up. Your attorney isn’t slacking — they are making sure that everything is covered. This contract protects everyone involved, and it needs to be airtight. It may take a long time, but it will protect you in the end.

Speak with your specialist.

Just like for intended parents, your surrogacy specialist should be your most trusted resource during this process. Feeling antsy about how long things are taking? Your specialist will understand. Give them a call.

Perspective: It Will Be Worth the Wait

Time is an illusory and subjective experience. Sometimes it flies; sometimes you could swear the clock is stuck. In the moment, it may feel like a step of the process is taking forever. But, try to remove yourself from the moment.

You can connect with other families who are currently on surrogacy journeys or are considering surrogacy on our Instagram.

Looking back on your journey so far — during the surrogacy process and in your life before — doesn’t time always seem to fly by? Someday in the future, this process will be done. When you get there, these moments of impatience will fade away, and it will all be worth it. When that day comes, these long waits will, probably, seem like nothing.

Try to remind yourself of that when things become frustrating, when the process seems to moving slower than a snail. The wait will be worth it — we promise.

8 Books Every Intended Parent Needs to Read

Becoming an intended parent is a thrilling journey. It can also be complicated, especially if you are just getting started. There’s a lot to learn.

How does the surrogacy process work? How can you find a good surrogacy agency? What about attorneys? Oh, and how do you find a surrogate?

These questions and many more are likely dominating your mental space — as they should. They’re all important questions. In your search for answers, you can find plenty of great guides online to many aspects of surrogacy, the IVF process, parenting and more. You can even find social networks full of intended parents and surrogates discussing their past expiriences.But sometimes, it helps to go a bit deeper than articles online.

If you’re looking for more in-depth guides to all things surrogacy, then you’ve come to the right place. We’ve compiled this list of the best 8 books that any intended parent should consider reading.

Like what you see, or think we missed an important resource? Let us know in the comments, or contact us today.

Books About the Surrogacy Process

Surrogacy is growing in popularity as a family-building option in the U.S., but it’s still a path relatively few other parents have traveled. That means it can be difficult to find educational material about the process and everything that’s involved. These books help explain how surrogacy works, which can help you feel more confident and prepared for your own process.

Books for Parenting

Parenting is a joy and a challenge. Becoming a parent through the surrogacy process puts you in a unique position. You’ll encounter some of the classic parenting obstacles that everyone faces, and you’ll also have many unique conversations related to your child’s birth through surrogacy. Here are a few helpful books to prepare.

Books for the Surrogacy Relationship

Relationships can be complicated, and your relationship with your surrogate is no different. In fact, it can be even more challenging, since there’s no existing model or experience to rely on. How is this relationship supposed to go, and how can you make it a deep, meaningful friendship? We have one especially good book to recommend.

Successful Surrogacy: An Intended Parents’ Guide to a Rewarding Relationship with their Surrogate Mother

Books for Kids

It’s important to prepare for the ways you will teach your child about their birth via surrogacy. Thankfully, there are some great books that can help. Many intended parents have found these books to be useful tools in explaining surrogacy in an age-appropriate, positive way to young children.

Speak with a Specialist Today

Books and other educational guides are an important resource, but there’s nothing quite as helpful as speaking with a specialist. If you’re considering surrogacy and have questions about the process, let’s talk.

Contact us today to be connected with an experienced surrogacy specialist. We’d be happy to answer your questions and explain what it takes to begin the process.

An Intended Parent’s Guide to Donated Breast Milk

Having a child via surrogacy doesn’t mean you have to miss out on all the experiences of pregnancy and childbearing. In fact, one of the most popular topics for intended parents is breastfeeding and breast milk.

That’s right — even if your child is born via surrogate, they can still reap the benefits of breast milk. Some intended parents accomplish this through inducing lactation, while others turn to donated breast milk.

In honor of August being National Breastfeeding Month, we’ve compiled this guide for intended parents. Below, learn more about what donated breast milk is, how it works and how you can safely procure some for your child.

Please note: None of the information in this article is intended to be or should be taken as medical advice. If you are interested in the advantages and disadvantages of donated breast milk, please speak to your pediatrician first.

How Does Donated Breast Milk Work?

While breastfeeding can be difficult for many women, just as many women find themselves with milk to spare. After pumping more milk than their babies can eat, these women choose to donate their milk to those infants in need — typically, premature or sick infants who are in the NICU until they are strong enough to go home.

Women who donate breast milk must go through several screening steps prior to being accepted by a milk bank. This ensures that she is healthy and that her breast milk is of a high-enough quality to be donating. After her milk is received by the bank, it is screened, tested and pasteurized before being distributed to parents in need.

Where Can I Get Donated Breast Milk?

There are two paths to obtaining donated breast milk: formally and informally. The safest path is the former; if your child is eligible for donated breast milk in the hospital, your doctor will explain the protocols and requirements.

Most hospitals reserve donated breast milk for those infants in most need of it (those with special medical conditions). However, some may have a supply of “compassionate use” breast milk, reserved for those mothers who cannot adequately feed their babies on their own but aren’t high on the priority list.

You might also purchase breast milk from milk banks, like Medolac, Prolacta and the International Milk Bank. In order to buy from either a non-profit or for-profit milk bank, you’ll need to get a prescription from your doctor. And, like with hospital supplies, milk bank supplies are on a needs-based system; those with sick or premature infants are higher on the list than those parents with healthy babies.

Why is Informal Milk Sharing a Bad Idea?

In your search for donated milk, you may come across communities or collectives of mothers sharing breast milk. Because these sources are not licensed or regulated, you don’t need a prescription to purchase the breast milk — but you open yourself up to many risks.

Unlike breast milk donated through official banks and hospitals, milk obtained through informal sharing is often not screened or tested. There is no quality control, which means there are no standards for milk being shared. Sometimes, those selling milk mix their supply with cow’s milk or other sources without telling the buyer.

Both the American Academy of Pediatrics and the Food and Drug Administration advise against informal milk sharing. While the benefits of breast milk can be tempting, it’s not worth the risk of obtaining through unregulated means.

What are My Options for a Child Born Via Surrogacy?

If you are having a child via surrogacy, the first thing you should do is talk to your pediatrician. They can explain your options for feeding your child after they are born, as well as the differences between formula-feeding and breastmilk-feeding.

If you strongly believe in feeding your child breast milk, talk to your hospital about the options for donated breast milk. Remember that healthy infants are at the bottom of the waiting list, so be prepared to feed your child formula when breast milk is not available. If you are ready for the commitment and can plan far enough in advance, you might consider inducing lactation to breastfeed your child yourself.

Keep in mind that many parents feed their children formula. Some mothers have a difficult time producing enough milk for their children, while others don’t have the time to commit to long-term breastfeeding. Formula-feeding does not mean you’re a bad parent, and it does not mean that you’ve failed your child in any way. While there are proven benefits of breast milk, children fed formula are just as healthy. They are many great alternatives to breast milk out there, so talk to your pediatrician for suggestions and advice.

Sometimes, a second opinion is a great way to open up new possibilities. Connect with other intended parents through our Instagram page.

7 DIY Projects to Benefit Your Surrogacy Journey

Are you the crafty type? Have you ever thought of putting your skills to work for your surrogacy journey?

While many steps in the surrogacy process must be left to the professionals, there’s still plenty you can do on your own to make your experience easier. From handmade gifts to personalized organization systems, there is a long list of DIY projects that you take advantage of for your surrogacy journey.

We hopped on Pinterest to find some of the best DIY surrogacy projects out there. Check out a few of them below, or share some of your favorites in the comments!

1. Something to Organize Your Surrogacy Paperwork

Surrogacy involves a lot of moving parts — and a lot of paperwork. Whether or not you’re the naturally organized type, a little help won’t hurt!

Use your DIY skills to put together a filing system to keep all your medical, escrow, legal and other paperwork neatly organized. Your surrogacy partner and specialist will thank you; having all of your documents easily accessible will prevent delays in the process and keep your surrogacy on track.

2. Something for the Baby and Nursery

Nothing shows how much a child is loved like handmade gifts and nursery decorations. Whether you’re the intended parent prepping the nursery or the surrogate carrying the child, you can harness your creativity into the perfect nursery addition.

While there are plenty of general DIY nursery projects out there, you can always find surrogacy-specific ideas (or tweak adoption-specific ideas to fit your surrogacy situation). And don’t forget all the cute DIY baby gifts you can find!

3. Something to Commemorate the Journey

Surrogacy is a journey few people take, and it’s one to celebrate! If you have time to kill and the creative inclination, why not put together a special book commemorating the ups and downs of this process?

Having a surrogacy photo album or life book can serve a double purpose. It’s not just something intended parents and surrogates can look back on years later; it can also be a helpful tool in explaining a child’s surrogacy story as they grow up. If you want to commemorate your surrogacy journey with a book, start collecting documents and photos from the very start to include the whole story. Let your surrogacy partner know you’re working on a book, and see if they have anything specific they would like to add!

4. Something to Help You Raise Surrogacy Funds

It’s no secret that surrogacy is expensive. If you’ve gathered funds for your family-building journey through traditional methods, why not think a bit out of the box with different fundraising ideas? The tried-and-true garage or bake sale is always a good option, but consider harnessing any unique skills you have (like sewing or home improvement) and offer your services on your local Facebook Marketplace or Etsy.

5. Something for the Baby Shower

Baby showers are exciting for everyone involved in the surrogacy journey. Intended parents deserve to be showered just like those who are pregnant with their own children, and there are countless ways to make a baby shower unforgettable.

Before you go about making any of these baby shower crafts, check in with the intended parents or the loved one throwing the shower. They may have specific tasks they want help with, or you may find they’ve already added these DIY projects to their list!

Keep in mind that many traditional baby shower crafts and games reference the pregnancy of mom-to-be. That obviously doesn’t apply in surrogacy, so update those accordingly to avoid confusion and hurt feelings.

6. Something to Give Your Surrogacy Partner

If you’re a surrogate, you’re already giving your intended parents the greatest gift of all. But you may want to do a little something special to help them prepare for and enjoy their new lives as parents. Don’t feel like you “have” to give the intended parents anything but, if you want to, stick to something handmade and personal that they will love, like the ideas below:

If you’re an intended parent, you probably want to shower your surrogate with gifts for the amazing gift she’s giving you — your child! Your surrogate may have gotten pregnancy gifts from you the last few months, but don’t forget about a delivery and postpartum gift. Even though your surrogate won’t be caring for a child after birth, she’ll still have a recovery period. Why not put together a special postpartum recovery basket full of all her favorite things? Or gift a beautifully framed photo of the baby that she can cherish?

7. Something Just for You

Who said DIY surrogacy projects had to only be practical? Don’t be afraid to indulge in some DIY self-care, whether you’re carrying a child for intended parents or you’re the intended parent stressing out about your upcoming family addition.

Explore some DIY projects for your mental and physical well-being. Surrogacy can be an exhausting process, and it’s no surprise if you need some “me” time. Something as simple as a bullet journal to finish your to-do lists or a homemade spa basket to help you unwind and relax may be just what you’re looking for.

Have some more DIY surrogacy ideas? Drop them in the comments below, or share them with our Instagram community!

What Happens if Your Baby Goes to the NICU?

Babies don’t come on a schedule. As much as we would all like our babies to be healthy, full-term infants, this isn’t always the case. Premature labor and delivery are always scary situations – but it’s even more so when you add in the complicated details of surrogacy.

Every year, about 15 million babies are born premature around the world. And, because many surrogacy journeys involve twins, the rate can be high in gestational surrogacy. While your surrogate and her doctor will do all they can to reduce the likelihood of a premature birth, it will still be a possibility.

If your baby is born premature and ends up in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU), you probably won’t know what to expect. Rest assured that your specialist will support you through this step, although most of the information will come from your child’s doctors.

Here are just a few things you might expect when your baby goes into the NICU after birth via surrogacy.

1. You’ll need to stay in the surrogate’s state a lot longer.

Most surrogacies take place across state borders. So, if your surrogate went into labor early, you were probably already trying to get to her quickly, with little time to prepare. Now that you’re here and your child is in the NICU, you will likely face a long stay in her state with no plan.

How long you stay in a surrogate’s state will depend on how long your child remains in the NICU. You’ll need to speak with your child’s doctor for guidance. Use whatever information you have to create a plan with your spouse or support person during this time.

Here are a few tips:

If you have older children, consider sending one spouse home to care for them and set up long-term care with a friend or relative.
Look at long-term, furnished apartment rentals to give yourself a “home base” during this uncertain time.
Look at your finances and make a budget for this stay. Your hospital costs will likely balloon during your child’s stint in the NICU, so save where you can. Consider reaching out to a financial advisor to stay one step ahead.
Ask your surrogate for suggestions on where to eat and stay in the area (more on that below).

2. Your child won’t look like you expect.

All intended parents dream of the time they first meet their children. None of those visions involve the scary sights associated with the NICU.

Your child will likely look impossibly small and fragile among all the wires and monitors required in the NICU. It’s a shock for any parent, but preparing yourself ahead of time can minimize those staggering emotions and help you jump right in to supporting your child. Remember that this is normal for a child in the NICU, although it may not be a “normal” sight for you.

Your child may not look how you imagined, but they are still your child – and they still deserve bravery and strength from their parents.

3. There will be strict NICU rules.

Babies in the NICU are dealing with a variety of health concerns, so a safe, sterile environment is critical in keeping them safe. Hospitals have strict policies on NICU visitation, and your child’s doctor will give you the information you need.

Visiting hours may be shortened, and hospitals may prohibit extended family members from visiting. You may be required to wear a hospital gown, mask or gloves when in the NICU, and you will be required to wash your hands diligently and frequently.

Depending on your child’s health, you may or may not be able to hold them right away. Even if you can’t hold your child, you may still be able to hold your baby’s hand, stroke their head and talk to them. Defer to your doctor’s advice about what is best for your child at this time, and be patient. Every recommendation from the hospital is designed to give your child the best start at life possible.

4. Your surrogate may be a greater support than you think.

Your surrogacy partnership doesn’t end after your baby is born. Most intended parents and surrogates create a genuine friendship during pregnancy, and that relationship often continues after birth, too.

Your surrogate will be just as worried about your baby as you, and she may even feel guilty that she couldn’t carry your child to term like she expected. Remind her that it’s not her fault and, if you feel comfortable, invite her to spend time with the baby in the NICU. This may help her emotional and physical recovery after birth.

Don’t forget that you are on the surrogate’s home turf. She will likely have many suggestions for places to eat and places to stay in the area, and she may even offer to go grocery shopping or run other errands for you during your NICU stay. Don’t be afraid to accept the support she gives; she will be trying to help however she can.

As always, if you ever have questions about your relationship with your surrogate, your specialist is only a phone call away.

5. You’ll need to look out for yourself, too.

When your baby is admitted into the NICU, it’s tempting to focus all of your energy on them. You’ll likely spend all the time you can by their side, going through the same motions of feeding, rocking, holding and just being there. But, as any caregiver will tell you, sitting by a hospital bed for 12 hours straight every day will get exhausting – and it will wear you down.

As tough as it can be, remember your own health during this time. Make sure you’re getting the rest you need, and don’t forget to keep a healthy intake of food and drink, even when you don’t feel like it. During a NICU stay, you will be grieving your original plans for bringing your child home, and that will impact your mental health. Lean on your partner, if you have one, and make a plan, so each of you can get a break. It can be hard to step away from your little one’s bedside, but remember that the doctors and nurses in the NICU are taking good care of your baby.

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As you navigate the NICU stay, remember that your specialist at American Surrogacy will always be there for you. They will be just as invested as you in your child’s health, so don’t be afraid to check in with updates and for support. We know how tough this time will be, which is why we will do our best to coordinate with your attorney and other surrogacy professionals and let you focus on your child’s health.

If you’ve been through the situations described here, you can help other parents like you feel less alone. Share your story with us on Instagram to help parents just like you stay positive and hopeful.

5 Tips For Your First Meeting With Your Surrogacy Partner

Surrogacy is a life-changing journey for the intended parents and their surrogate. Once a match is made, things can progress quickly, especially when it comes to the relationship between both parties involved.

This is one of the great joys of surrogacy. Not only are you taking part in an amazing process, but you also have the opportunity to build a new relationship that could become a lifelong friendship.

But, you’re not there yet. Right now, you have to get through that very first meeting with your surrogacy partner. Just like any first meeting, things can be awkward! Adding the intimate nature of the surrogacy process to the “first date” jitters only makes it more difficult to know how to handle this meeting.

We’re here to help. Your connection with your surrogacy partner can be special. Here are five things to keep in mind when you meet for the first time.

1. Take it Slow

Take the pressure off yourself and your partner by setting appropriate expectations. There’s a temptation in these meetings to dive right into the deep end. You’re about to embark on a truly unique journey that will change everyone’s life. So, of course, it would be natural to talk all about that — and nothing else.. However, it’s best to avoid this.

Instead, try starting small. You’ll have a lot of time to talk about the big stuff. Keep in mind: You’re meeting for the first time! Just like any other relationship, you may need to begin with the basics.

You’re at the starting line of a marathon. So, take your time.

2. Make it Casual (and Keep it Short!)

Pick a low-key spot, like your favorite local coffee shop, for your first meeting with your surrogacy partner. It may be too soon to meet at one of your homes, and dinner can feel a bit uptight.

You want this first meeting to be casual, relaxed and (probably) short. A cup of coffee typically takes 30 to 45 minutes to sip — the perfect amount of time for a “get to know you” conversation and a good signal to everyone when the meeting is over.

3. Focus on Them

What’s dominating your mental space right now? If you’re at the beginning of your surrogacy journey, it’s probably the process that lies ahead. However, you should resist the urge to focus on the details of the process during your first meeting with your surrogacy partner. Otherwise, you could end up focusing on yourself for most of the conversation.

Try to get to know them. What do they do for work? Where did they grow up? What are their favorite past times? What do they enjoy talking about?

There will be plenty of time to talk about the process, your concerns and your desires. Use this time to get to know your partner. And remember — try to listen just as much (if not more) than you speak!

4. Accept the Awkward

It’s going to happen. One line of discussion is going to end, nobody will be ready to start the next one, and you’ll sit there silently for a few seconds — long enough for everyone to consciously recognize that you are experiencing a dreaded awkward moment.

It’s okay. This is nearly impossible to avoid, and you shouldn’t let it get to you. Don’t beat yourself up when it happens. Simply pick a new topic and move on.

5. Make a Plan

When’s the next meeting? Should you be texting and calling? How frequently do you want to hear from each other?

Establishing expectations for communication can make the beginning of this relationship better for everyone.

This doesn’t need to be a detailed list of regulations. Rather, create clear boundaries that help everyone feel confident. This can help you know what’s expected in the early stages of this conversation and put you on a path toward a strong relationship.

You don’t need to be rigid when setting expectations. Plan the next meeting, and a simple, “I’ll reach back out this week to check in,” can get things started.

Learn More about Surrogacy

The surrogacy journey is unlike anything else you’ve experienced. If you’re in the process now, you know this to be true. If you are still considering whether or not surrogacy is right for you — as a surrogate or as an intended parent — we would love to talk.

Plenty of surrogates and intended parents would be happy to welcome you into the community. Connect with others like you through our Instagram page.

Contact us online for more information or give us a call at 1-800-875-BABY (2229). Our specialists are eagerly awaiting your call.

What to Consider When Choosing an ART Attorney

There’s more than one way to become a parent. Assisted reproductive technology (ART) is becoming more common and widely accessible. This journey can be an incredible way to fulfill your dreams.

While becoming a parent through the surrogacy process is a deeply emotional journey, it is also a legal one. There are laws and regulations that need to be followed in order for any ART process to be completed successfully, legally and ethically. That’s why finding a good surrogacy attorney is so important.

This is true for intended parents and for women who are interested in becoming surrogates. This journey can change your life, and it’s important that you have a legal advocate looking out for your best interests.

Choosing a surrogacy attorney can feel overwhelming. It’s not like this is a decision you have prior experience with. Where do you even begin?

There are ways to make this choice easier. Intended parents and surrogates working with American Surrogacy will be referred to a trusted and experienced legal professional. However, the choice of which attorney to work with is still ultimately up to you.

Here are several things to consider when you’re mulling this over. Take your time selecting a legal professional — it can make or break your experience with this process.

Look for Experience

ART laws are constantly evolving, and they differ from state to state. It’s an area of practice that many family law offices are just beginning to specialize in. However, there are some who have been around longer than others.

You will want an attorney who knows their stuff — who has dedicated time and resources to becoming an expert in this area. Ask any potential attorney how long they have been practicing ART law and how many cases they handle in an average year. You can also ask if the attorney is a member of the Academy of Adoption and Assisted Reproductive Attorneys (AAAA).

This should weed out the offices that have simply tacked ART law onto their practice areas without really investing in it.

Learn Applicable Licensing Requirements

Each state has its own licensing requirements for attorneys, as well as unique surrogacy laws. If an attorney is not licensed in the right state, they will not be able to fulfill the necessary legal requirements of your process. For surrogacy, this means that the attorney should be licensed in the state the baby will be born. This may not be the state where you live if you are an intended parent. Keep this in mind as you consider lawyers to work with.

Pay Attention to How You Feel

While less technical than the other recommendations, this is no less important. How do you feel when you speak with the attorney? Do you feel safe or intimidated? Are you at ease or on edge?

Ask plenty of questions and trust your natural instinct. Peace of mind is an important feeling throughout this journey. You should work with an attorney who gives you confidence and makes you feel like everything is going to work out for the best — because it will!

Read Reviews

You can’t completely trust what people say online, but honest reviews do exist. Take a look at the reviews your attorney has on Google and other legal resource websites. Cross-reference any attorney you find on a search engine with the AAAA Directory.

While it may be uncomfortable, you could even ask about particular negative reviews you read. What happened there, and what has the office done to make things better?

Consider the Cost

Choosing an attorney is not the time for budget shopping. You get what you pay for, as the saying goes. Fees that seem too low to be true likely come with services that are less quality than desired.

With that said, it is important to understand your budget. Be honest about what’s doable for you. When you’re an intended parent, you are likely paying other agency fees and medical costs during the surrogacy process, and it’s important to not get in over your head financially. (If you’re a prospective surrogate, remember that your legal fees will always be paid for by your intended parents.)

When you ask an attorney about their costs, look for total transparency. Are these fees fixed? Will there be unexpected costs late in the process?

Some professionals will lure clients in with low-ball estimates only to spring hidden fees on them later in the process. A higher upfront cost with no hidden charges is preferable, and that is a sign you are working with an upstanding legal practice.

Learn More about Finding an Attorney for Surrogacy

One of the best ways to ensure you are working with a good surrogacy attorney is to also work with an excellent agency. American Surrogacy could be that agency for you.

It’s nearly impossible to start the surrogacy process on your own. By working with an agency, you can begin the journey and find a match for your process, either as a surrogate or as an intended parent.

Typically, all parties wait until a match is made to find an attorney. American Surrogacy can guide you up to this point, recommend trusted attorneys and stick with you through the end of the process.

Interested? Contact us today to learn more about starting your journey and finding the right ART attorney for you.

How COVID-19 Has Impacted International Surrogacy

It’s Time to Shift to Domestic Surrogacy

Despite the availability of surrogacy situations within the United States, many intended parents turn to other countries in search of a gestational surrogate. Now, as a result of the global COVID-19 pandemic, intended parents and surrogates around the world are experiencing the fallout.

Now and in the future, domestic surrogacy is the safest option for all involved.

Here are a few of the situations that international intended parents and surrogates have found themselves facing as a result of the ongoing pandemic:

Babies have been stuck in foreign makeshift nurseries.

Hundreds of children are in quarantine limbo, thousands of miles from their parents, who have yet to meet their baby. Nurses are caring for these stranded babies in temporary nurseries set up in hotels.

Many of these babies have been stuck for months while countries are restricting or banning international travel, and it’s still unknown when they’ll be able to go home.

Intended parents have been unable to travel to their surrogate or meet their newborn baby.

On the rare occasion when international travel has been permitted, intended parents have still been met with countless legal and financial hurdles. Intended parents who are immunocompromised may not be able to travel due to the risk of exposure to COVID-19.

New precautions by countries and airlines regarding intercountry travel have delayed or halted travel plans for intended parents, so many were too late for their baby’s birth, if they were able to arrive at all. Some are still waiting to meet their child, months after delivery.

Intended parents have become stuck in their surrogate’s country.

Some intended parents who scrambled to beat the oncoming travel bans arrived in their surrogate’s country to get their newborn baby, only to find that they were not allowed to return home. Many are still quarantining in hotels within their surrogate’s country, waiting for it to become possible to leave.

This has become financially straining for many families, and they’ve had to find ways to care for their newborn in a foreign country.

Surrogates have had to care for the intended parents’ baby.

Some gestational surrogates for international families have had to assume responsibility for the baby during the COVID-19 outbreak. But these women were not prepared to care for a newborn — they don’t have cribs, carriers, diapers or the essentials.

They also were not expecting or wanting to care for a baby, let alone someone else’s. Most of these women are also raising children of their own, so providing for another is a serious burden.

Fortunately, women have risen to the occasion with compassion, even though it’s not part of their job description.

6 Reasons Why Intended Parents and Surrogates Should Choose Matches Within Their Own Countries

If the horror stories of intended parents, surrogates and babies being stranded thousands of miles apart from one another due to COVID-19 weren’t enough to convince you that it’s time to look within our own countries for surrogacy situations, these six reasons for choosing domestic surrogacy will.

1. Fewer ethical concerns

Eliminating the exploitation of women in developing countries is always a concern. Surrogates within the United States are required to be financially stable without the assistance of surrogacy-related compensation they accept, so you know they’re doing this because they want to and not because they need to.

There will always be a group of people who do not feel comfortable with the concept of surrogacy as a whole, but knowing that their gestational surrogate is in a stable and positive situation in her life will put the minds of many intended parents at ease.

2. Improved opportunities for strong surrogate-intended parent relationships

Intended parents and gestational surrogates who were separated by countries and continents typically had little to no interaction with one another even before COVID-19. This experience creates less of a shared, emotionally-centered experience, and is more akin to a transaction.

The most commonly cited reason why U.S. women want to become surrogates is because they have a desire to help intended parents know the joys of parenthood. So getting to know the family they will be carrying for is an exciting and rewarding part of the experience.

Not only do intended parents and surrogates benefit when they forge a genuine connection, the child will one day have the opportunity to know a bit more about the woman who helped bring them to their parents.

3. Less traveling with vulnerable newborns

A newborn baby’s immune system is especially vulnerable. Traveling transcontinentally is stressful for a newborn, and a lengthy travel will increase the risk for exposure to illnesses, including COVID-19.

Intended parents who partner with surrogates within their own countries often have the option to return home by car after the birth of the baby, or at the very least will have a much shorter journey.

4. No language barriers

Intended parents must communicate with their surrogacy agency and relevant professionals in addition to communication with their surrogate. If there are language or cultural barriers standing in the way of any of these communications, it can have a number of concerning effects on the surrogacy process, including but not limited to:

Legal misunderstandings
Financial miscommunication
Travel complications
A less emotionally connected experience
A lack of information or confusion with updates regarding the baby and pregnancy
A lack of support for the intended parents and/or surrogate

5. Fewer legal concerns

International surrogacy has far more legal steps than a domestic surrogacy situation, similar to international adoption. Visas and passports must be obtained, agencies and professionals will need to jump through hoops in both the sending and receiving country and there may be legal citizenship issues now or in the future. Changes within a country’s policies on the matter can occur rapidly, leaving intended parents out of money and options in the middle of the process.

Although states within the U.S. are each going to have their own set of surrogacy laws, surrogacy within the U.S. is still much better regulated than it is in foreign countries. In such an important experience, the legal protection of everyone involved in the surrogacy process (especially the baby) is a primary concern.

6. Reduced cost

Without the high costs of international travel and lodging, intended parents will save money by choosing surrogacy situations within their own countries. Additionally, there are often more hidden costs in international surrogacy than the parents were aware of. Surrogacy can already be a costly process — adding international travel to the total is unnecessary when there are surrogacy situations available domestically, perhaps even nearby.

American Surrogacy exclusively works with U.S. intended parents and surrogates in an effort to avoid the aforementioned concerns. Want to learn more about domestic surrogacy within the United States? Contact American Surrogacy now, connect to other intended parents or start by viewing our available surrogate situations of waiting women located within the U.S.