Surrogacy creates unique, strong and loving partnerships between intended parents and their surrogate. After all, their surrogate is someone who is generously and selflessly giving her time, body and energy to help them reach their parenthood dreams. It’s only natural that they want to make her feel appreciated for her efforts — which is why many intended parents ask, “Can we get our surrogate a gift?”

The answer is yes! It’s common for intended parents to gift their surrogate something upon the delivery of their child, just as she is giving them a perfect, healthy child. A gift can be a wonderful way to show appreciation and further express to a surrogate just how much she means to the intended parents.

But, there are a few things to keep in mind while selecting a gift for a surrogate. Perhaps the most important is surrogate compensation laws. Many states have regulations on what kind of compensation a surrogate receives for her services, and gifts can be counted among this “compensation,” even if they are worth more emotionally than financially.

Before giving a gift to your surrogate, reach out to your surrogacy specialist. She can explain which gifts are appropriate in your situation and even help you pick out one that best expresses your feelings. For more information about this topic, feel free to call 1-800-875-BABY(2229).

Below, you’ll find a few ideas to help you find the best gift for your surrogate.

1. Something for Her Pregnancy Journey

Not all surrogacy gifts have to come after the baby is delivered. In fact, showing your surrogate your appreciation while she is still pregnant will mean a lot to her. Once you have approval from your surrogacy specialist to do so, don’t be afraid to send your surrogate treats to make her pregnancy a little better. Consider things like spa kits, meal delivery services, movie tickets for a night out and more. She is expending a lot of energy while she grows your little baby, so give her the chance to take some time off and look after herself for a little bit.

2. Something Handmade

Many intended parents with to give their surrogate a gift after the baby is born, and this can be a great time to do so. Remember, your surrogate is likely receiving surrogate compensation already, so giving money or other kind of financial gifts is often not necessary — and may even go against your state’s surrogacy laws and your personal surrogacy contract. To avoid these complications, you can gift her something a bit more special.

Consider a handmade gift for your surrogate, like a painting, a blanket or some yummy treats to enjoy. The effort that you put into making these kinds of gifts will often mean much more than anything you could have bought her, which makes them the perfect gift for intended parents to pass along to their surrogate.

3. Something for Post-Delivery Recovery

Childbirth is a massive endeavor, and your surrogate will likely need weeks to recover from her experience. Therefore, even after the surrogacy process is finished, she will continue sacrificing her time and body to making your parenthood dreams come true.

You can make her recovery process a little easier with a gift that helps her heal and relax from her delivery process. You might create a personalized spa basket, with lotions, bath bombs and more to help her unwind from the stress of delivery and getting back to her everyday responsibilities.

4. Something for Her Family

Your surrogate isn’t the only one who has been giving up time and energy for your surrogacy; her family will have been doing so, as well. They may have had to postpone family vacations, give up some normal everyday activities and more to keep her safe and healthy during her pregnancy.

So, when you’re giving your surrogate a post-delivery gift, don’t forget about her family, too. Perhaps get small gifts (like stuffed animals or toys) for young children and put together a “date night in a basket” gift for herself and her spouse. If your surrogacy specialist allows it, you might even consider creating a gift like a day at the zoo for the whole family to enjoy once your surrogate has recovered.

5. Something to Commemorate the Journey

Remember that surrogacy is a life-changing journey that your surrogate will remember for years to come. Many intended parents choose to celebrate that journey and their new friendship with a gift commemorating this experience. You may give her a copy of the surrogacy memory book you’ve created for your child, a beautiful framed photo of you all, or a simple necklace or figurine representing motherhood and friendship. These can be some of the most beautiful gifts that surrogates receive and ones she will treasure forever.

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Remember, whatever you decide to give your surrogate should always be up to you and always come from the heart. You do not need to get a surrogate something from every category above; talk with your surrogacy specialist to find out what she recommends and what is best in your situation before buying anything for your surrogate.

Find more gift ideas, or connect with others like you, through our Instagram page.

As an intended parent, you may be considering international surrogacy instead of domestic surrogacy within the United States. This may be for several reasons: You’ve heard it’s a cheaper process, can take less time to complete, and more.

However, the reality of international surrogacy is incredibly different from what you may have read online or heard about. While this kind of surrogacy was popular and successful in the last few decades, the truth is, international surrogacy today is a difficult and risky family-building process.

Before you decide on this path, we encourage you to read more about the reasons why international surrogacy may not be the right choice for you:

1. International Surrogacy Laws are Restrictive.

While each state within the U.S. has different surrogacy laws, the vast majority of the states allow for compensated surrogacy with a safe, regulated legal process. You will be hard pressed to find another country in the world where surrogacy is this safely regulated.

Many countries that once welcomed international surrogacy — like Mexico, India and Nepal — have now either greatly restricted or completely prohibited surrogacy for foreign intended parents. To pursue surrogacy in these states is risky and can set international intended parents up for failure and dire legal consequences.

Even in countries where surrogacy is legal, there are often many qualifiers. Compensated surrogacy may be illegal, surrogates may need to be related to intended parents, surrogacy may be illegal for LGBT intended parents, and more. Any intended parent should recognize the reality of international surrogacy laws in different countries before considering this path. Our surrogacy specialists encourage American intended parents to compare these laws to those of surrogacy-friendly states to understand exactly how the legal landscape of international surrogacy has changed.

2. International Surrogates May Be Exploited.

In the United States, there are laws to protect surrogates, and professional surrogacy programs require prospective surrogates to undergo screening and education before they can pursue this journey. You may not find the same safeguards in international surrogacy.

For years, surrogates in international countries were exploited by surrogacy professionals. Their financial situation forced them into this process, and they may not have known exactly what they were signing up for, due to a lack of higher education or any education at all. Because of these situations, many countries started to shut down their international surrogacy business.

However, if you decide to pursue surrogacy in a country that still allows you to, there is still the risk that your surrogate may not be choosing this path of her own free will and complete understanding. On the other hand, if you work with an American surrogacy agency like American Surrogacy, you can know your surrogate has been heavily screened to ensure she is mentally and physically ready for the process ahead of her.

3. Health Conditions and Facilities are Often Not Ideal.

Because surrogates in other countries may not be screened as thoroughly as those in the United States, there is also a health risk you must incur as an intended parent. You will have to trust that your surrogacy professional has found a surrogate who is medically safe to carry a pregnancy to term. Even those professionals that do screen medically may not screen her psychologically to ensure she understands and is comfortable with the medical risks of being a surrogate.

On the same note, if you choose a surrogacy abroad, you cannot be constantly updated on the medical status of your surrogate and her pregnancy. While surrogacy in the United States is governed by set medical standards, there are often no comparable standards in other countries. Professional medical care may not be as available to surrogates during their pregnancy, and you may not be able to have confidence in your surrogacy and medical professionals’ skills. Complications that can be easily handled in the United States could be incredibly dangerous in another country with less access to medical help.

4. Political Conditions Can Change Quickly.

Like with international adoption, international surrogacy is subject to the changing relations of countries. It’s not out of the ordinary for a country to change its laws to affect a particular country in retaliation to a diplomatic move, and you will always be at risk of that changing legislation when you choose to pursue an international surrogacy.

For example, families who were in the process of international surrogacy in Mexico were left in limbo when the country banned foreign intended parents in 2016. Whether or not their surrogates were pregnant, they were out thousands of dollars and a way to legalize any child born from the surrogacy process in that country. As surrogacy continues to be a controversial family-building method, it’s not unreasonable to expect these kinds of new restrictions in other countries moving forward.

5. It Can Actually Be More Expensive than Domestic Surrogacy.

Perhaps the biggest reason why intended parents consider international surrogacy is because they are led to believe it is cheaper than domestic surrogacy. This is not always true.

Like with surrogacies in the United States, the cost of an international surrogacy is directly correlated to the quality and quantity of services provided for the process. If an international surrogacy professional is offering a cheaper cost than a domestic one, consider all of the services involved. Odds are, your surrogate may not be receiving compensation for her services, or you will need to hire additional professionals to complete your international surrogacy — like an attorney to coordinate bringing home your internationally born child to the U.S. In addition, there is always a risk of hidden costs in international surrogacy — those not outlined in your professional’s services but that emerge as your surrogacy journey continues.

If you are curious how the cost of international surrogacy compares to domestic surrogacy, contact our surrogacy specialists for a full breakdown of costs with our agency. They can also discuss in greater detail the advantages of choosing domestic surrogacy over international — and why it may be a better overall choice for you.

For a supportive, accepting community of intended parents and surrogates, check in with our Instagram.

There’s no doubt about it: Surrogacy and its related in vitro fertilization procedures can be expensive. In your research as an intended parent, you may have stumbled across articles boasting of the expansion of insurance policies’ coverage of IVF-related processes.

But, what if your current work insurance doesn’t cover IVF treatments? How can you make the surrogacy process more affordable?

One of your options is approaching your employer about expanding their insurance policy to cover infertility treatments. If you’re considering doing this, there are a few things to keep in mind.

Remember: Employers Want to Keep Their Employees Happy

It can be intimidating to take the step of asking for more coverage, but remember that it’s an employer’s job to anticipate their employees’ needs. Many employers may not even realize their policies are lacking this important coverage until an employee (like you) brings it to their attention.

The way people build their families today is much different than even a decade ago, and it’s important that employers understand those changes and address them appropriately in the workplace. Making a family easier to create, financially, will help employers retain their employees. It’s a mutually beneficial move to take.

In fact, recent studies show that people who have employer-provided infertility/IVF health insurance have higher satisfaction with their employer — an important thing to let your employer know.

Be Informed

Before you approach your employer about adding insurance coverage for infertility treatments, make sure you understand exactly what kind of coverage is most beneficial — and exactly how health insurance works. It can be a confusing industry, but it will do both you and your employer favors if you enter this meeting armed with facts.

In addition to explaining how this insurance coverage can impact relationships among employers and employees, take the time to explain how expensive infertility treatments are and what that journey usually looks like. Those who have not experienced infertility themselves may have no concept of this process, so use your personal experience and other facts (with studies of the cost of infertility, the emotional effects of this journey, etc.) to paint a picture for your employer.

Prepare for this Meeting

It takes more than just information to convince employers to expand their insurance coverage. You should anticipate the questions your employer may ask, provide follow-up questions and answers of your own, and be overly prepared for this meeting. Expanding your insurance is an important thing for you and your fellow employees, so make sure you communicate that importance with your preparedness.

The National Infertility Association has offered a workplace coverage checklist, which may help you prepare for this conversation.

Consider a Compromise

Unfortunately, not all employers will grant requests for expanded insurance outright. Instead, obtaining your insurance may be a bit of give and take.

One of the most common things you’ll see in current infertility coverage is coverage of procedures that are not as successful as IVF in leading to pregnancy. If this is the case in your insurance policy, discuss with your employer the possibility of switching out those covered procedures for in vitro fertilization or another procedure with a higher proven rate of success. In 2015, almost 68,000 babies were born using assisted reproductive technology out of the almost 213,000 treatment cycles. IVF is, by far, the most popular method intended parents use, whether to have a pregnancy of their own or for other processes like surrogacy.

This is why an understanding of infertility insurance is so important — so you can identify what is and isn’t working in your current policy and offer compromises to obtain the coverage you really need.

You may also consider other compromises, like giving up another service your employer provides in return for this insurance. If your conversation is a back-and-forth, you may be more likely to obtain infertility coverage than if you issue a strict demand.

Follow Up

Your employer may not be able to provide a solid answer on your first meeting, and that’s okay. They will likely need time to evaluate their current policies and determine what is the best course of action moving forward.

However, make sure to keep your request at the forefront of their mind. Send them reminder emails, or set a schedule to check in with meetings every so often. Your persistence will show your employer exactly how important expanding insurance is to you, and they may be more likely to adhere to your wishes if you do.

Remember, you aren’t the first surrogate to have gone through this. Connecting with other surrogates could provide valuable insights.

For more advice on how to ask your employer about infertility insurance, check out the information provided by the National Infertility Association. For more information about making surrogacy affordable, please contact our surrogacy specialists.

It’s no secret — surrogacy is a long and complicated journey. If you are pursuing surrogacy to bring a child into your family, you may experience all kinds of emotional highs and lows along the way. Remember, it will all be worth it in the end.

That said, you’re not alone in feeling complicated emotions on your family-building journey. Here, we’ve gathered a few of the common thoughts that all intended parents have during their surrogacy process to help you prepare for the path ahead of you.

1. “Is this really the right path for us?”

Surrogacy is a big commitment to make — not only financially, but also in regards to the time and energy it will require from you as an intended parent. It can be hard to pull the trigger on such a process, especially if you’ve already spent years and a great deal of money on other infertility and IVF treatments. You may be torn between adoption and surrogacy. And, even after you choose surrogacy, there may still be lingering doubt of what’s the right choice for you.

This is all normal — and this is why American Surrogacy has surrogacy specialists available to answer your questions and address your concerns. Whether you are not sure that surrogacy is right for you, or you have normal doubts after committing to this process, let our professionals help.

2. “How are we going to afford this?”

Yes, surrogacy is expensive. It’s actually one of the biggest reasons that hopeful parents choose another family-building path. However, with proper financial planning (and research into grants and loans), you can afford surrogacy. Your surrogacy specialist will always be available to discuss our agency pricing and offer suggestions to help you afford the process of surrogacy.

3. “How will we ever find the perfect surrogate?”

It can be intimidating to find a woman to trust with your hopes and dreams of becoming a parent. After all, surrogacy is an intimate partnership, and it’s important that you are matched with a woman with whom you can create a genuine relationship.

When you work with American Surrogacy, the matching process is mutual, and you can know that every surrogate presented to you has already been pre-screened and approved for the surrogacy process.

4. “All this legal work is such a pain!”

Because surrogacy is a complicated process, there are a lot of legal steps required to protect not only your rights but also the right of your surrogate. Two separate surrogacy lawyers are needed to navigate the intricacies of your surrogacy contract, insurance, parental orders and more. It can seem like a lot at the time, but properly following legal requirements is crucial to making sure you, your surrogate and your baby are safe every step of the way.

5. “Are we bothering our surrogate too much?”

When your surrogate is carrying your baby, it’s completely normal to want to know how every single day is progressing. After all, you will be missing out on pregnancy and the development of your unborn baby, which can be a difficult thing to do. Even if you are present for milestones like ultrasounds and delivery, it’s not the same as being there for every second.

If you are worried about constantly being in contact with your surrogate, remember that she understands your situation. If you are in doubt about your contact frequency, refer to your surrogacy contract or contact your surrogacy specialist.

6. “Stop asking me rude questions!”

Surrogacy is still a new way of building a family. When you choose this path, you will likely receive questions and comments from friends and family — and some of them will be ignorant or insensitive. When you start hearing questions like, “How much are you paying?” and “What happens if the surrogate wants to keep the baby?” over and over again, it can grate on your nerves. However, remember that you will likely be most people’s first experiences with surrogacy, and this is an important opportunity to educate others about the non-traditional ways to build a family.

7. “I wish we could be carrying the baby…”

Pregnancy envy is a common emotion felt during surrogacy. If you are an intended mother, you may wish you could be the one experiencing your baby’s every moment in utero — that you could be the one feeling them move inside your uterus. Remember, these feelings are totally normal. If you are having difficulty moving forward from these feelings, speak with your surrogacy specialist. They can help you cope with the emotions you have and remind you that it will be all worth it in the end.

8. “This baby feels like it’s never going to come!”

When you’ve waited so long to have a positive pregnancy, waiting through the nine months of that pregnancy can seem like torture. You just want your little bundle of joy now! As tough as it can be, take this time to appreciate all of the things that won’t come as easily once you are a parent. Have spontaneous date nights and enjoy your last few months as the just the two of you before baby makes three.

9. “I never thought I’d have such a deep connection with my surrogate.”

Surrogates and intended parents have such a deep, intimate bond and a unique relationship. While it can sometimes surprise the surrogacy partners how close they can get during their surrogacy (and how close they stay after), it’s something that we treasure here at American Surrogacy — because we’ve seen it happen over and over. Don’t be surprised if you find yourself calling your surrogate a best friend by the time your journey is over.

10. “This was totally worth it.”

While you may experience some emotional ups and downs during your surrogacy process, one thing is for sure: You will experience an immense happiness when you finally have the child you’ve been dreaming about for so long. The challenges of your surrogacy journey will fade away the moment you hold your bundle of joy in your arms for the first time. As tough as it may be now, remember what awaits you in the future — and try to appreciate every moment that gets you a little bit closer.

Follow us on Instagram to hear from other intended parents that have grown their family through surrogacy.

Everyone has the right to become a parent, if they so desire. But, if you are an intended father living with HIV, you may not think it’s a possibility for you. In concern about passing along the virus to your child, you may have assumed that you could never have a biological child naturally or through assisted reproduction.

You couldn’t be more wrong. Today, advances have made it possible for many HIV-positive intended fathers like you to make their parenthood dreams come true — and bring a healthy biological child into the world. HIV is not the death sentence it once was, either for yourself or for your parenting dreams.

At American Surrogacy, we can help you reach those dreams whenever you are ready. In the meantime, learn more about the logistics of being an HIV-positive intended parent below.

Your Surrogate Cannot Be Infected Because of Your Sperm

You know that HIV is transmitted through unprotected sex and contact with other bodily fluids. Therefore, you would think any natural conception would be impossible from the moment that a man is diagnosed with HIV (although advances in medicine have now made this path possible).

However, surrogacy does not involve unprotected sex — it doesn’t involve sexual intercourse at all. During both gestational and traditional surrogacy, an embryo is created through harvesting of gametes and in vitro fertilization. Then, the embryo is transferred to the surrogate’s uterus, after which she carries the baby to term. Therefore, the main risk of transmitting HIV through seminal fluid is eliminated.

But, you may wonder: Can’t my baby catch the virus from my genetics? To answer this, you must understand the details of how HIV is transmitted.

In more than 4,000 cases of HIV-positive parents using ART methods to conceive a baby, not one case has resulted in the transmission of the virus to a surrogate or to the baby. This is because of a technique called “sperm washing.”

Using this technique, sperm is collected from an HIV-positive man. Medical professionals then separate sperm from infected cells in seminal fluid, using solely the sperm cells for the IVF process. HIV is transmitted through the seminal fluid, not the sperm itself. Researchers have reported that washed sperm is 92 to 99 percent free of the virus’s RNA.

For extra precaution, your fertility clinic may require your surrogate to be given antiviral medication before embryo transfer, although her chances of catching HIV — and transmitting it to your baby — are extremely low.

Therefore, you can pursue parenthood through surrogacy if you are an HIV-positive intended father — and American Surrogacy is happy to help you through this journey.

What Will Be Required From You

In order to protect yourself, the surrogate and your baby born via surrogacy, you must be considered noninfectious. These means you must:

• Be following your HIV treatment protocols
• Be taking medication as directed
• Have an undetectable viral load for a minimum number of months, as determined by your fertility clinic (usually six months or more)
• Undergo testing for sexually transmitted diseases

It’s important to talk with your fertility clinic to determine what steps you need to take to result in a healthy pregnancy and child. Your clinic, along with your primary HIV care physician, should be in close contact to create the best medical plan moving forward.

To create your embryo for IVF, you will usually provide two or three semen samples for washing. If you need a donated egg, you can work with your fertility clinic or a gamete bank to select a donor. If you are married to the intended mother and she plans to use her own egg, she will need to undergo egg harvesting to safely create an embryo for implantation.

If you choose to work with American Surrogacy, you must also meet the requirements for intended parents set forth by our agency. To learn more about these requirements, you can always call our surrogacy specialists at 1-800-875-BABY(2229).

Our Instagram offers direct insight from intended parents about their journey. Follow us there to learn more about their experience.

HIV-Positive Parenting: It is Possible

Thanks to the advances in medical technologies, it is possible for you to have a child that is HIV-free. More and more HIV-positive parents are raising children today, and you can, too.

However, there are some things to consider about being an HIV-positive parent. For instance, it’s important that you focus on the importance of understanding exactly how HIV is transmitted (and how it is not) and what steps you should take to keep you and your kids healthy. Studies have shown that HIV-positive parents fear catching opportunistic infections from their children or transmitting HIV to their children through physical contact. For these reasons, more than a quarter of parents say they avoid physical interaction with their child. For example, many avoid kissing on the lips or sharing utensils, even though HIV is not transmitted through saliva. Understandably, this fear and avoidance is easily picked up on by children, creating a tense parent-child relationship.

If you choose to become an HIV-positive parent, proper education (for yourself and your child) is key. You may need to set certain hygiene rules that other families don’t have to avoid contact with blood and transmitting opportunistic infections. You will also need to make sure your child’s peers understand the realities of the disease; ill-informed children can be cruel and even dangerous in teaching the wrong ideas to others. You must also be prepared for prejudice or discrimination from other adults who are aware of your HIV-positive status.

Before you choose to pursue surrogacy as an HIV-positive intended father, take the time to research being an HIV-positive parent. Consider reaching out to HIV support groups for parents. Always speak in depth with your medical professionals to understand what different steps you may need to take as an HIV-positive parent. With the proper preparation, you can become the parent you’ve dreamed about for so long — and American Surrogacy is here to help.

To learn more about our surrogacy program and to discuss your personal situation with a surrogacy specialist, please contact our agency today.

While surrogacy is a family-building process that continues to grow in popularity and visibility, you may still be the only intended parents you know pursuing this route. But, how can you know what to expect from the path ahead of you if you don’t have fellow parents to learn from?

Your surrogacy specialist will always be there to support you and can always connect you to other intended parents if you wish to speak with some. However, some of the best ways to learn more about the surrogacy process is from someone who has been through it — and documented it in detail. This is where intended parent surrogacy blogs can be so beneficial.

With the rise of the internet and social media, more and more people are journaling through the difficult and exciting times in their life. It’s not a surprise that many surrogacy journeys have been detailed on intended parents’ blogs. It provides a way for these intended parents to not only work through their own emotions but also to connect with other intended parents like you, whether they are still exploring the process, in the middle of it, or have had a baby via surrogacy.

Here, we’ve provided a list of intended parent surrogacy blogs, surrogacy forums for intended parents and other online intended parents support groups to help you learn more about surrogacy from those who have been in your shoes.

1. American Surrogacy Blog

We know that there are a million little questions you may have about becoming an intended parent in the surrogacy process. We aim to tackle those in our blog, where you’ll find new content posted twice a week. While our blog does focus on all members of the surrogacy journey, you will also find specific intended parents’ blogs for some of these questions you might have. Don’t see what you’re looking for? Comment with suggestions of topics we should tackle next!

2. American Surrogacy Instagram

American Surrogacy’s Instagram is the perfect place to connect with families like yours. You can see stories of success, find our latest updates, and connect with families who are considering surrogacy or have already completed their surrogacy journey.

3. Our Misconception

Two intended parents blog through their infertility struggles, including their choice to pursue gestational surrogacy after six years of trying to conceive on their own. In 2013, they welcomed a baby girl via gestational surrogate.

4. Fox in the Hen House

Although the author of this blog has taken a break, it can be helpful to look back on her journey through infertility treatments, a failed surrogacy process and her adoption journey. Not every family-building process is right for everyone, and this can help you understand the realities of the different paths available to you.

5. Whitney and Erick

These intended parents brought a baby into their life through gestational surrogacy in 2014, and the intended mother documented her surrogacy journey after years of infertility.

6. Jason and Kerri

These intended parents completed their surrogacy journey in 2015 and welcomed a little baby boy. They created their website just for blogging about their surrogacy experience.

7. Mark and Teri

This intended parents’ blog explains how one couple tried three different surrogacy journeys — one international, two domestic — before they finally brought home a baby. Their surrogate ended up being a family member.

8. Our Journey to a Forever Family

One intended mother blogs about her journey through being diagnosed with endometriosis, undergoing fertility treatments, and eventually pursuing traditional surrogacy. After having one child through surrogacy, she and her husband adopted a daughter, as well.

9. Bake My Babies

Although an older intended parents blog, this blog follows a Mormon intended mother who pursued surrogacy to bring a child into her and her husband’s life.

10. Intended Parents Forum

Here, intended parents can read blogs and participate in forums about the surrogacy process from their perspective.

11. BabyCenter Community – Intended Parent Support

As one of the online surrogacy forums for intended parents, this website allows intended parents to share their stories, ask questions and learn from others who are considering, in the middle of, or have completed surrogacy.

Remember, you can always contact your surrogacy specialist to be connected with current and former intended parents like you. A sense of community and support is critically important in the surrogacy process, and we are happy to help you find the guidance and advice you may need.