One of the most exciting times for an intended parent is when their surrogate’s pregnancy is confirmed by their fertility clinic. After all the waiting and hoping, the tangible proof of their parenthood dreams coming true is in front of them.

While intended parents are likely still cautious about putting too much hope into a pregnancy in its early stages, once a physician deems the pregnancy safe, you should be excited to move forward with your parenthood journey — which means preparing for the imminent arrival of your little bundle of joy.

Just like anyone who has a child in a traditional way, you are now expecting, and you can take this time during your surrogate’s pregnancy to prepare yourself for all the challenges and joys of parenthood.  To stay busy and productive during this waiting period, there are a few steps you can take.

1. Learn as much as you can about parenting.

No one is ever fully prepared for the unique challenges of parenting, but that doesn’t mean you can’t take steps to make it a little easier. There are thousands of resources to help you learn more about becoming a parent and caring for a newborn baby. Consider:

• Reading parenting books
• Taking parenting classes
• Talking to other parents
• Attending parenting support groups

Because there is so much information available, seeking it out can seem overwhelming. Choose a couple of methods that work best for you and topics that you are most interested in. No one knows everything about being a parent before they become one, so remember that there will be a learning curve as you adjust to your new lives as parents of a newborn.

2. Prepare your home for your baby’s arrival.

There are many important steps expectant parents need to take before they can bring a baby home into a safe environment. Most homes are not already baby-proofed, so parents need to make sure all dangerous items are locked away, and all outlets and sharp edges are covered. Find a baby-proofing checklist here.

You should also start gathering necessary supplies for your baby’s arrival, as well as decorating the nursery. Make sure you have the proper crib and stroller for your baby, as well as other supplies like nursing materials and baby clothes. Not only will this step physically prepare you to bring a child home, but it can play a key role in the “nesting” process and mentally prepare you for becoming a parent.

3. Identify your support system.

You know the phrase, “It takes a village?” It’s true — no parents are able to raise their children completely on their own.

It’s important to recognize that, even if you want to be the superhero parent, you will need extra helping hands at certain times in your parenthood journey. Whether you need to identify a local, trained babysitter or talk to your parents about being there in times of need, you should understand where you can turn to for parenting support after bringing your baby home. This may also include finding a local parent support group or taking advantage of resources your local hospital provides.

4. Prepare your hospital kit.

Speaking of hospitals: Even though intended parents are not giving birth themselves, they will still need to create a hospital kit for their baby’s delivery. Not only will this kit include materials for you but also important baby supplies like a going-home outfit and a car seat. Intended parents who are working with a long-distance surrogate will need to pack more supplies for a journey across state lines for their child’s birth.

Expectant parents will usually know whether or not their surrogate will be scheduled for an induction or a cesarean-section. Just in case, most professionals advise parents to pack a hospital bag starting at 35 weeks of pregnancy. As you pack, make sure to speak with your surrogate’s hospital to find out which supplies they already provide.

5. Understand what bonding steps you need to take.

When you are expecting via surrogacy, you will not have the same bonding experience as parents do in a traditional pregnancy. But this doesn’t mean that you can’t have any prenatal bonding at all.

There are many ways that an intended parent can still bond with their baby in utero, and your surrogacy specialist can provide some suggestions if you’re interested in this topic. Some of these may include:

• Using Bellybuds or a similar speaker system
• Providing a transitional item, like recordings of music you typically play around the house
• Striving for as much skin-on-skin contact as possible soon after the baby is born

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Your surrogacy professional can always provide more suggestions to help you prepare after your surrogate’s pregnancy has been confirmed. Consider throwing a baby shower or a similar event to help you share the good news with all of your family and friends. Just because you are not pregnant yourself doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the congratulations and attention — or that you should shirk the responsibilities of preparing to bring your baby home.

With proper preparation and mindset, the time you wait for your baby to be born will fly by before you even know it.

For many people, surrogacy is an exciting new family-building process that they don’t know a lot about. Intended parents going through the surrogacy process, therefore, find themselves in educator roles as their friends, family and acquaintances want to learn more about this family-building journey.

Unfortunately, some of the questions and comments from those unfamiliar with surrogacy can be insensitive or even rude and, as an intended parent, you’ve likely heard them more than once. We know these comments can be frustrating and annoying, so we’ve compiled them here for you to share with family and friends — and help them understand exactly what not to say to you and other hopeful parents in your situation.

1. “Aren’t you worried the surrogate will want to keep the baby?”

Because many people don’t understand how surrogacy works, intended parents get this question a lot. Surrogacy is not like adoption; it’s a legal contract that binds a surrogate and intended parents to certain expectations. If you’re in the midst of a surrogate pregnancy, your surrogate choosing to keep the baby isn’t even an option — and this question doesn’t even apply. You and your surrogate both know that she’s only “babysitting” your child for you, and she’s just as excited as you are to help create your family.

2. “You’re so lucky — you can keep your figure if you don’t get pregnant!”

Like many intended parents, you would give anything to be able to carry your child on your own. Missing out on the pregnancy experience isn’t a happy joke; it’s something that you wish you had every day. This comment can be the most hurtful of them all, as it usually comes from those who have never experienced infertility and don’t understand the feelings you’ve gone through before deciding on surrogacy.

3. “How much are you paying your surrogate?”

Finances are never anyone else’s business but for some reason, when you’re building a family in a non-traditional way, people feel like it’s okay to ask you about the cost involved. The only people who are privy to this information are you, your surrogate and your adoption professional — and people should know that.

4. “How do you know you can trust your surrogate?”

You and your surrogate have a special relationship; after all, this woman is sacrificing her time and body to help you become the parent you’ve always dreamed of being. For someone to tarnish that by questioning her should offend you. Never mind all of the physical and mental screening your surrogate went through before matching with you — you chose her and that should be enough of a seal of approval.

5. “Who is the baby’s real mother?”

For some reason, some people don’t put two and two together to realize that IVF is involved in surrogacy. Just because intended mothers aren’t the ones carrying their child doesn’t mean they’re any less of a mother to their baby.

In cases of egg donation with a male same-sex couple, people are also curious about whom the egg donor was. That’s only between the intended fathers and their child. Being our friend or family member doesn’t automatically obligate you to this information until we’re ready to share it.

6. “Whose sperm are you using?”

On the same note, when two gay men have a child via surrogacy together, people always want to know who the “real” father is. Why should it matter? Both fathers are going to love and support their child, no matter which one shares DNA with their baby. Unless we willingly share our baby’s genetic makeup with you, take a hint and don’t ask us about it.

7. “There are so many waiting children out there. Why didn’t you just adopt?”

People always have their thoughts on what kind of family-building process an infertile couple should pursue but — let’s say it again for those in the back — it’s none of their business. You could ask the same question of all those parents who easily had children naturally. The fact is not all family-building processes work for everyone, and you only decided on surrogacy once you were sure it was the right choice for your family.

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As surrogacy continues to become a more popular way of building a family, it’s likely that more and more people will be educated about the intricacies and emotions of the process — but we can still bet there will be one or two people who ask the questions all intended parents are tired of hearing. Remember, if you’re having trouble addressing these comments or feel overwhelmed by the emotions they’re bringing up, you can always speak to your experienced surrogacy specialist or other intended parents who have been through the same thing.

What do you think: Have you heard all of these? Are there any we missed?  Comment below to let us know!

The holidays are supposed to be a time of good cheer and glad tidings, but for those facing personal struggles — like infertility — it can sometimes be difficult to get into the holiday spirit.

If you are coping with infertility, here are five things you can do to combat the holiday blues this year:

1. Be prepared.

 The holidays tend to go hand-in-hand with family gatherings, which means there’s a good chance you’ll find yourself surrounded by kids, happy new parents and even pregnancy announcements. It also means there’s a good chance that your own plans for starting or adding to your family might come up in conversation.

Try to prepare yourself for these scenarios. Decide ahead of time how you’ll react if a well-meaning relative plops a baby into your arms, and consider how you want to answer the inevitable “So, are you thinking of having kids anytime soon?” questions. You might develop some stock answers or use it as an opportunity to open up about your infertility — if you feel ready.

You are always entitled to your feelings, and it is always up to you to decide how you want to respond to nosy or insensitive questions and comments. But having a plan in place can help you better handle these tough situations and the emotions that may come with them.

2. Say no.

 You don’t have to accept every invitation, and if you do attend a party or gathering and start feeling overwhelmed, you’re not obligated to stay. Saying “no” to close friends and family members may not be easy, but it’s important to take care of yourself and to do what you think is best for you. If a particular family tradition or event seems like it might be too emotionally difficult for you, it’s okay to say so; don’t feel guilty about not participating.

If you do decide to opt out of certain gatherings, consider making alternative plans. Book a getaway with your partner, or host your own holiday celebration with adult friends (and no children).

3. Reach out.

 Feeling less-than-merry during the holidays can feel isolating. But, if you’re struggling this holiday season, know that you’re not alone. Even if you’re not quite ready to open up about your attempts to conceive around the Christmas dinner table, it’s important to talk to someone about the challenges you’re going through.

Don’t be afraid to lean on your support system, and consider reaching out to an infertility counselor for help. There are many infertility support groups and forums that may also provide the comfort and solidarity you need, as well.

4. Communicate.

 The most important person in your support network is your partner — and it’s especially vital that you keep communication open with him or her during the holidays. Don’t forget to check in with each other about how you’re handling things, especially if one of you is having a particularly hard time coming to terms with your infertility.

Also, make sure you both are on the same page about which events are musts and which you’d rather skip. Talk about your game plan for answering those sensitive questions. Develop a signal you can use if one of you needs to bail on a party early. Be a unified front, and you will get through the holidays together.

5. Celebrate.

 Again, you are always entitled to your feelings, and you should allow yourself time to feel sad and to acknowledge any grief, anger and other emotions you may be experiencing.

But, you should also take some time to try to find meaning in the holidays, too. Look for positive moments to celebrate — take part in the traditions that mean the most to you and bring you joy, or start new ones with your partner. Consider volunteering or donating to a cause that’s important to you. There are many ways to mark the holidays, so find what works for you.

As Thanksgiving approaches, people around the U.S. will sit down to dinner with family and friends, expressing their gratitude for the wonderful things in their lives.

However, when you’re coping with infertility during the holiday season, especially on Thanksgiving, it can be hard to find something that you’re thankful for. You’re probably more focused on the things you don’t have rather than the things you do. And, while that’s completely understandable and normal, it’s also important to take this time to think about all the good things in your life during this difficult time.

While everyone’s situation is unique, there are several things that you likely can be thankful for at this time in your life.

1. That You Have Loving, Supportive Friends and Family

The infertility process is incredibly difficult and facing it alone is impossible. Whether you’re still in the acceptance period of your infertility struggles or moving forward with an infertility treatment like surrogacy, you likely have friends and family that you can turn to for support.  It may be a large group or a few close people, but they are instrumental to your coping with this difficult period in your life — and you should be thankful for each and every one of them.

2. That You Can Afford Fertility Treatments

When you’ve already attempted several rounds of fertility treatments, it’s normal to feel frustrated and upset at the medical process involved. However, there are many people in the world that may also be dealing with infertility but don’t have the methods or the financial ability to further pursue their parenthood dreams. Intended parents can be grateful that they not only have the advanced medical options like surrogacy open to them but that they can also afford the process that will bring them a child.

3. That There Are Many Family-Building Options Available to You

Hopeful parents in the United States have so many different ways they can build their family, from adoption to assisted reproductive technology to foster care. Others in different parts of the world aren’t so lucky. The U.S. also has laws that protect LGBT and foreign parents looking to grow their family, unlike in other countries where single, LGBT and non-nationals cannot complete the family-building process. While the family-building process can be frustrating and slow-moving at times, you can be grateful that you actually have this opportunity in the first place.

4. That There is a Large Community of Support Available to You

Thanks to the growth of online communities through social media and the internet, those who are struggling with infertility can gather more information than ever. While prospective parents before the internet had to rely on their doctors and local support groups to learn about the process awaiting them, now you can easily get in contact with others who have been through your situation — no matter where they live. A support system is incredibly important during the infertility and family-building process, and many hopeful parents are thankful for the opportunities for support and information provided through these online communities.

5. That You Are Moving Forward in Your Process, However Incrementally

It can be difficult, especially around the holiday season, to find hope in a process that may have left you many heartbreaks and losses. However, it’s helpful to find the silver lining. After all, you’re likely farther along in the process than you were last Thanksgiving. Perhaps this is the first Thanksgiving since you’ve started taking advanced steps toward creating your family, or you’ve moved forward from last year’s treatments to a different family-building process that holds a better chance of success for your family. No matter what, you’re likely in a better position that you were before — and moving closer to success is always something to be grateful for.

Infertility can be a hard process, especially around the holidays, which is why we encourage those coping with infertility to acknowledge their feelings and reach out for love and support from others. Remember, as tough as it may seem, there is always something in your life you can be thankful for.

Being an intended parent when your surrogate is pregnant is certainly an exciting time. The baby you’ve been dreaming about for so long is finally on their way, and you’re closer than ever to finally becoming parents.

However, just as there is great deal of excitement for you throughout this process, there is likely a degree of stress and concern, too. After all, you’re not there with your surrogate 24/7, and you may not be able to be there for every milestone that you have been looking forward to.

This will be an emotional time for you, and dealing with the loss of control over your baby’s development and your own infertility struggles can be hard. Fortunately, you’ll have your surrogacy specialist to listen to your concerns and answer your questions at every step along the way.

Still, you likely want to know exactly how you can cope with some of these difficult emotions, especially feeling helpless and out of control during the surrogacy process. Whether it’s while your surrogate is pregnant, or during your infertility struggles or the embryo transfer process, here are some tips we offer to help cope with those emotions.

1. Acknowledge and accept your loss of control.

Surrogacy is a partnership; you will not be in charge the whole way through. Therefore, you must trust that your surrogate will do everything she’s agreed to, including ensuring a healthy pregnancy and lifestyle to protect your baby. Remember, surrogates are just as dedicated as you are to bringing a healthy, happy baby into the world — and are honored and excited to help you create your family.

However, when you can’t be there for the entirety of your baby’s development in utero, it’s normal to feel helpless and worry about your surrogate’s pregnancy. However, rather than constantly contacting your surrogate to find out how things are going, it’s important to give her space and channel these emotions into something more positive. The first step for doing this is to acknowledge and accept these emotions — to help you move forward from them and be more comfortable with your surrogate’s pregnancy.

It may take extra effort to acknowledge these feelings in a positive way, which is why we encourage intended parents to speak with their surrogacy specialist and other infertility counselors to work through these emotions in a healthy way. Recognize that this process may take time, but it’s incredibly important to make sure you’ve moved forward from these emotions to have a successful surrogacy experience.

2. Keep yourself busy.

When it comes to coping with feeling like you have no control over your surrogacy, one of the worst things you can do is sit around and ruminate about these emotions. Just as a watched pot never boils, a pregnancy will take forever if it’s all you’re thinking about, all the time.

Instead, it’s encouraged that intended parents try to go about their lives as normal, enjoying their free time before their baby is born. Stay busy with activities, and give yourself time to do things completely unrelated to your surrogacy and upcoming parenthood experience. The more you try to live your normal life during your surrogate’s pregnancy, the less stress and concern you’ll have about your baby’s development. While it’s normal to have periods of time when you worry about how your surrogate’s pregnancy is developing, keeping your mind and body busy will go a long way to making you feel happier during this process.

3. Create a strong relationship with your surrogate.

With American Surrogacy, you can know that any surrogate you’re matched with is fully screened and ready to commit to all the responsibilities of the surrogacy process. She understands what is expected of her during the process and is completely prepared to give your baby the healthiest development in utero possible.

While this screening can certainly help relieve some of your fears, it’s normal for feelings of worry and concern to still remain. Building a strong personal relationship with your surrogate can be very helpful when dealing with these emotions. When you have a strong relationship, you learn to trust your surrogate at a deeper, more authentic level. You can also more easily set up a communication schedule to keep up to date on your baby’s growth.

Remember, women become surrogates to help people like you reach their parenting dreams — and they’re willing to make this process as easy and as positive as possible for you. While it’s important to establish boundaries and give your surrogate her space, you can create a relationship that’s beneficial for both of you and helps you move past feelings of losing control over your own baby’s development.

These are just a few of the tips that our surrogacy specialists recommend to intended parents who are experiencing a loss of control and constant worry over their surrogacy’s progression. We are also happy to sit down with you and your surrogate to discuss these feelings in greater detail and find a compromising solution that works for you both. To learn more about what kind of support we can offer you through this complicated process, please call us today at 1-800-875-2229(BABY).

When it comes to financing surrogacy, you may be overwhelmed with the costs presented to you as an intended parent. Where are the affordable surrogacy options? What are the options for how to pay for surrogacy?

While it is true that surrogacy can seem an expensive process at the beginning, it’s not as unachievable as it may have seemed to intended parents years ago. There are many surrogacy financing options available to you today to make your surrogacy and parenthood dreams come true — and American Surrogacy will always work with you to help find the financing you need to successfully become parents via surrogacy.

Surrogacy financing may take some foresight and preparation, but when you take the time to locate proper resources, you can and will become parents in a way that doesn’t bankrupt your family.

To learn more about how American Surrogacy can help you with surrogacy financing, please contact our surrogacy specialists at 1-800-875-2229. In the meantime, here are some of the more popular ways of how to pay for surrogacy in an affordable manner:

1. Surrogacy Grants

Surrogacy grants are a key resource for many families who are looking for affordable surrogacy options. By providing funds that don’t have to be paid back, surrogacy grants can make a huge difference for intended parents who are wondering how to pay for surrogacy without breaking the bank.

These grants are usually available for families going through the surrogacy process and other infertility treatments and, like other grants, are awarded based on many different qualifications. Some organizations may have different requirements than others, so it’s important to do your research to find out which grants you’re eligible for based on your individual situation. The last thing you need is to apply to a grant program which you’re ineligible for.

Your surrogacy specialist can always provide examples of grants you can apply for, but here are some of the most common organizations:

• Journey To Parenthood: This organization offers grants to families going through advanced infertility treatments as well as adoption. Any U.S. citizen living in the U.S. and being treated by a reproductive endocrinologist and infertility specialist may apply. Grant amounts vary.
• Tinina Q. Cade Foundation Family Building: This organization offers up to $10,000 per funded family to help with infertility and adoption costs.
• Pay It Forward Fertility: Grants are available for U.S. citizens who do not have insurance coverage for IVF and are awarded several times a year in varying amounts.
• Life Grants: The Life Foundation offers grants to individuals and couples to help with the cost of infertility treatment, adoption or third party reproduction.
• Family Formation Charitable Trust: The Academy of Adoption and Assisted Reproduction Attorneys offers grants for families who can benefit from assistance with adoption and ART methods, as well as financial aid to help children who are in need of placement with a forever family.
• Baby Quest Foundation: Grants are provided to those who cannot afford the high cost of infertility treatments like IVF, surrogacy, gamete donation, egg freezing and more.

It’s important to recognize that many of these grants and organizations rely on donations, so if you or someone you know has been affected by infertility and is able to give back, we encourage donations to help other intended parents achieve their dreams, too.

2. Surrogacy Loans

Another popular surrogacy financing option is surrogacy loans. Like traditional lines of credits, these loans must be paid back with interest, so it’s important to find the most affordable surrogacy loans that will work for you and your family.

We encourage you to speak to a financial advisor before you take out any surrogacy loans to pay for your infertility treatments to discover what options are available for you.

Traditional loan options include:

• Home equity loans
• 401(k) plans
• Credit cards
• Loans from family members

In addition, there are financial organizations that specifically provide surrogacy financing for those going through the infertility process:

• CapexMD
• New Life Fertility Finance
• Prosper Healthcare Lending

Many surrogacy professionals may also create a specific payment plan for you based on your financial situation. Talk to your surrogacy specialist today to find out what options are available to you.

3. Surrogacy Fundraising

Finally, another surrogacy financing option is raising money for your surrogacy expenses yourself. There are many ways you and your family can raise your own funds for your infertility treatments, either with simple methods or more creative ones that extend beyond your own community.

Here are some examples to help you start your fundraising process:

• Use an online fundraiser like YouCaring.com or GoFundMe.com to reach out to friends and family for donations.
• Ask for donations to your surrogacy fund rather than gifts for holidays.
• Use your skills to sell handmade products (like your crafts on Etsy).
• Host a garage sale.
• Partner with a direct sales consultant to see if they would donate their commission from a party you host.
• Organize a fundraising event like a car wash or silent auction.

In addition to these surrogacy financing tips, it’s important that you start saving for your surrogacy as soon as you start considering it as an option for your family. Again, speak to a financial advisor to determine the best ways allocate your funds to create an affordable surrogacy process for your family. Ask other intended parents for saving and fundraising tips, and don’t be afraid to use all of the options available to you during this fundraising process.

Surrogacy may seem like a daunting process when it comes to the costs involved, but with proper surrogacy financing, it can be an option for you. To learn more about American Surrogacy’s cost schedule and how we may help you find affordable surrogacy for you, please contact us today