Intended Parents | American Surrogacy Blog

How Do You Announce Your Surrogacy on Social Media?

When you decided to start your surrogacy journey, you probably shared your decision with some of your close friends and family members. But, when a pregnancy is finally confirmed and is far enough along, you may want to shout your surrogacy story from the rooftops and let everyone know how excited you are for this baby to be born.

Most of the time, intended parents and surrogates turn to social media as a convenient way to notify everyone in their network about their surrogacy decision. However, there are some important things to consider before posting about your surrogacy online.

Surrogacy is an intimate process, and it’s understandable if one party of the surrogacy wants to keep certain information confidential. Ideally, this is discussed early in the surrogacy process as part of your surrogacy contract, but it’s also a discussion that can be mediated by your surrogacy specialist, if you so desire. The most important thing is to always respect each other’s privacy and interests — in a way that still allows you to share your good news with everyone that you know.

Here are some general guidelines to follow when announcing your surrogacy journey on social media:

1. Talk to your surrogate or intended parents before posting anything.

As mentioned, it’s important to lay down ground rules when you choose to announce and/or document your surrogacy journey. Can you use the intended parents’ or surrogate’s names in the post? How much information about the pregnancy can you reveal (like due date, gender of the baby, etc.)? How much information about the intended parents or surrogate can be posted in this announcement?

Remember, an announcement posted on the internet may reach far beyond the original intended audience of friends and family members. For this reason, many surrogates and intended parents try to keep identifying information private, instead using initials or first names only when posting about the surrogacy process.

2. Look around for examples you like.

Announcing your surrogacy on social media is a big deal, and many intended parents and surrogates want to make sure their announcement perfectly captures how they feel about this process. You may wish to share a maternity photo you all have taken together, or use a cute poem or phrase to share your announcement. It’s a good idea to look through surrogacy websites and other social media to find announcements you want to model your own after.

3. Express your excitement and use this as an opportunity to educate others.

Unfortunately, not a lot of people are familiar with how the surrogacy process actually works. When you announce your surrogacy on social media, make sure you include information or links to information to help others understand the process in more depth. That way, you’ll avoid ignorant questions and comments and instead be able to focus on your excitement and others’ congratulations.

4. Be prepared for negative feedback.

As mentioned above, some people who don’t understand surrogacy will see your surrogacy announcement. Therefore, you should be prepared for friends and family who don’t understand your decision to express their opinion. This is something important to consider before posting your surrogacy announcement; will potential negative feedback undermine your happiness and excitement? If so, you might want to refrain from posting anything on social media about your surrogacy and instead only tell people in person.

If you do get negative feedback, you can always take this as another opportunity to educate people. You can also choose to be selective with your privacy settings, to make sure unsupportive family and friends cannot see your announcement.

5. Remember that there are pros and cons to announcing your surrogacy online.

When you choose to announce your surrogacy online, you are opening your intimate process up to a wider range of people — and opening yourself up to questions that those involved in a natural pregnancy may not experience. For example, people may ask you about fees and the intended parent or surrogate you’re working with. They may not think about how rude these questions can be; they just come from a place of curiosity. You’ll need to prepare yourself to answer these questions, usually with a generic phrase like, “Sorry, but my surrogacy contract doesn’t allow me to discuss that.” Many intended parents and surrogates say they are working with a friend (without mentioning that they actually became friends after they started working together) to avoid more nosy questions.

On the other hand, announcing your surrogacy to a wider range of people can also save you from other uncomfortable questions. For example, if you’re a surrogate and don’t tell people in your life, they may make assumptions when they see you pregnant and then without a baby after you give birth. Likewise, intended parents who weren’t pregnant and who then suddenly have a baby may get inquisitive questions from those who weren’t aware of the surrogacy in the first place.

Ultimately, how and if you decide to announce your surrogacy online will be up to you and the intended parent or surrogate that you’re working with. If you do decide to announce on social media (you’re never obligated in any way to do so), your surrogacy specialist can always give you advice on what information to include, how to best answer people’s questions and more.

If you do announce your surrogacy, share the good news with us on Instagram! We’re happy to share your story.

How to Manage a Long-Distance Surrogacy as an Intended Parent

When you’re starting the surrogacy process as intended parents, you may have hopes of being there for every step of the surrogacy process and attending every doctor’s appointment — but this may not be a possibility for every intended parent.

Sometimes, you find the perfect prospective surrogate — but she’s located farther away than you may have hoped. This shouldn’t deter you from pursuing the match. It’s common for intended parents and surrogates to live a distance from each other, and many successful surrogacy relationships flourish despite a long distance.

At American Surrogacy, our surrogacy specialists will always be available to help you through the challenges of a long-distance surrogacy — and help you understand how this kind of surrogacy can actually be easier than you think. In fact, there are a few steps that are key to managing when your surrogate is located far away.

First, Set a Communication Schedule

Being an intended parent who lives a distance from your surrogate, one of your greatest concerns may be the fear of not knowing what’s going on. You may worry that communication with a long-distance surrogate may be much harder and instead wish to match with a surrogate closer to you.

However, it’s important to remember that wherever your surrogate is located, you will not be a part of her life 24/7. While she will be carrying your baby, she will also have her own responsibilities to attend to, including her family and her job. It’s unrealistic to expect that a surrogate keeps frequent communication with you as her first priority, regardless of where she’s located.

Instead, to maintain healthy boundaries while making both of you happy, you’ll set a contact schedule. For example, you may agree for her to video-chat you at every doctor’s appointment, sharing photos on social media, talk once a week and email every other day. Therefore, for most surrogacy contact, communication will be the same no matter where the surrogate is located. When you both know exactly when you’ll receive your next contact, you won’t need to guess or worry about how things are progressing — you’ll just wait for your next scheduled talk.

Next, Keep Busy

No matter where you’re located in relationship to your surrogate, it can be a stressful time to wait until your baby is born — especially when you can’t do much to impact the development of your unborn child. That’s why it’s so important that intended parents like you take the time to keep busy to prevent yourself from worrying too much and impacting your daily life.

As your surrogate’s pregnancy proceeds, stick to your regular schedule. Take advantage of the free time you have now, as there will be little of it once your bundle of joy arrives. Of course, feel free to stay in contact with your surrogate as much as your contact schedule allows, but also find a way to spend your time in the wait between these contact periods. Many of our intended parents say that staying occupied and keeping up with their usual schedule makes the waiting process much easier, no matter where their surrogate is located.

Also, Keep the Surrogate in Mind

While your contact schedule plays a large role in developing your relationship with your surrogate, in a long-distance relationship, you may wish to take other steps to strengthen your relationship. If frequent in-person visits aren’t possible because of the distance, consider doing other things to express your gratitude and willingness to get to know her personally.

When you have your scheduled calls and emails, don’t make them all about the surrogate pregnancy and your baby; ask her how she’s feeling and get to know a little bit more about her life. Learning more about your surrogate will go a long way to establishing a personal relationship and, even when you’re not talking about your surrogacy, you will feel reassured that this wonderful woman is taking care of your unborn child.

Beyond just getting to know her, you may want to take extra steps to communicate your appreciation because you can’t do it as often in person. For example, you may send her small, meaningful gifts from your state so she knows that you’re thinking of her. Your surrogacy specialist can give you advice on what kind of gifts are and are not acceptable to send.

Finally, Give the Surrogate Some Space

As mentioned before, a long-distance surrogacy can be stressful for intended parents because of the literal and figurative distance they feel from their unborn child. However, it’s important to respect your surrogate and her ability to have a healthy pregnancy. When you overwhelm your surrogate with frequent contact and questions, you’ll create a relationship in which neither of you are happy.

Remember that before a woman can become a surrogate with American Surrogacy, she must pass extensive background screening. Therefore, when you’re matched with a surrogate, you can trust that she’s prepared for the surrogacy process and will do everything she can to have a healthy, successful surrogate pregnancy. She wants to help bring this baby into the world just as much as you do. Trust in the surrogacy process and in her ability to carry your baby, and you’ll have a much better long-distance surrogacy relationship.

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Our surrogacy specialists are always available if you have any questions about matching with a long-distance surrogate or how the long-distance surrogacy process works. We want to make sure all of our intended parents and surrogates are happy with their surrogacy process, no matter the distance, which is why we will always be there to offer advice and support during this time. To learn more today, please call us at 1-800-875-2229.

Deciding Between Surrogacy and Adoption: The Similarities

There are a lot of folks hoping to grow their families but aren’t sure whether they should turn toward adoption or surrogacy. We don’t shy from the fact that our sister company is a national adoption agency, so who better to compare surrogacy and adoption than us?

Let’s quickly break down some of the biggest similarities between the two options:

1. You will need to locate an opportunity with a surrogate or birth mother.

The process of finding an opportunity with a surrogate or with a birth mother is one of the most challenging parts of either processes and is often the main reason hopeful parents choose to work with an agency.

Don’t take this decision lightly – do plenty of research on adoption and surrogacy professionals’ marketing and advertising strategies, and ask them a variety of questions to understand how long it might take to find you an opportunity.

And be sure to find out how long their advertising fees are good for. Do they expire after several months of trying to find a surrogacy or adoption opportunity, or do they never expire like with American Surrogacy?

2. Both options are costly.

You are likely already aware that both surrogacy and adoption are significant financial investments. However, the result of this process is priceless, so in our opinion, either option is quite the bargain!

With that said, surrogacy is often more costly than adoption, usually around double the cost. The two main reasons surrogacy is often more expensive are:

The surrogate is paid a base compensation starting at $30,000 (and higher in a state such as California), whereas a birth mother only receives living expenses to help with her pregnancy-related expenses. Surrogates may also earn additional compensations for a variety of events throughout her pregnancy.

This is an artificially planned pregnancy, where state-of-the-art medical procedures are required. Medical expenses can quickly add up, especially if multiple embryo transfers are required until a pregnancy is successfully achieved.

3. Support and counseling are important.

Support and counseling are often an overlooked service in adoption and especially in surrogacy.

Even though a surrogacy is a planned pregnancy, the surrogate mother still experiences the same maternal hormones found in traditional pregnancies, and may have certain feelings she needs to talk about with someone other than the intended parents.

This is particularly true in an identified surrogacy, where the surrogate mother may be a family member or friend of the intended parents but may feel uncomfortable sharing her thoughts of feelings if she’s having a rough day. A third-party surrogacy professional or counselor is a great resource to ensure the emotional part of the surrogacy process is being handled as delicately as the rest of the process.

To connect with other intended parents trying to make this decision, check in with our Instagram community. If you have any questions about either option, please contact American Surrogacy today.