Category: Intended Parents

Whether you are thinking about adding to your family through surrogacy or have already started this amazing family-building journey, these articles are for you.

3 Ways to Find Positivity in an Infertility Anniversary

Whether you’re currently in the surrogacy process or still deciding if it’s right for you, the path to where you are today has likely been a long one filled with many emotional ups and downs. In addition to the small successes you’ve achieved, you may also have experienced heartbreak.

Despite the sadness these days may bring, many intended parents choose to mark the anniversaries of some of these heartbreaks, like past miscarriages, the moment they realized they couldn’t carry a child themselves and the beginning of their surrogacy journey (especially when the process hasn’t yet produced a child of their own).

While it can be a day full of grief and sadness, it’s important that you acknowledge this day and what it means to you. Ignoring the importance of this day can have dire effects for your mental health, especially as you’re also going through the emotionally trying process of surrogacy. The best thing that you can do is embrace the feelings and memory of this day — and take certain steps to help yourself get through this emotionally difficult time.

1. Communicate What You’re Feeling.

A big part of acknowledging this sad anniversary is sharing your feelings with others. Keeping what you’re feeling inside will only elevate those difficult feelings, while letting them out one way or another can be extremely cathartic. It can be comforting to turn to a trusted friend or family member (or your partner if you are going through the surrogacy process with them) to talk about your feelings. Having someone to share your feelings with can help immensely with the loss and loneliness you may be experiencing on this day.

If you don’t feel like sharing your emotions with someone else, that’s okay. Instead of ignoring your feelings, however, try to let them out through journaling or another emotive activity.

2. Commemorate the Anniversary with Something Positive.

While this day will be a sad day, you can take steps to make something good out of it. It can help to symbolically let your negative feelings go; perhaps write down your thoughts on paper inside a balloon and release it into the air, or bury your feelings in a box. To leave a positive impact on a negative day, perhaps plant a tree or donate to a charity that means something special to you. Whatever you can do to make yourself feel a little better, make that effort to add some positivity to this day.

3. Seek Out Support.

No one should go through these difficult times alone, so we encourage all intended parents coping with a sad anniversary to reach out to their surrogacy specialist for support. Our specialists can provide emotional support, as well as refer you to trained counselors if that’s something you need. Most of the time, though, you may just need a sympathetic ear — and your surrogacy specialist is well experienced in the feelings that intended parents like you go through during these difficult times.

You may also wish to seek out support groups for intended parents like yourself. You may find comfort in talking to people who have been through the same situations as you. You can search support groups by state here, or look online for other internet support groups.

While not a dedicated support group, our Instagram page is full of compassionate intended parents just like you.

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Everyone is different, and the way you decide to address this sad anniversary will ultimately be up to you. However, we highly encourage that you do take steps to acknowledge and honor this day; it’s an important part of your parenthood journey and who you are today. Remember, this sad day is just one stop on your road to becoming parents and eventually holding that special little bundle of joy in your arms.

How You Can Still Breastfeed Your Baby as an Intended Mother

As an intended mother, you may not be able to be pregnant yourself and carry your baby to term — but that doesn’t mean you have to miss out on one of the most intimate parts of caring for an infant. In this case, we’re talking about breastfeeding.

You may not know that, even if you don’t carry a baby yourself, you can still breastfeed them by taking certain medical steps. Just like any other mother breastfeeding, it may be a long process with its ups and downs — but know that you can succeed in breastfeeding your baby and giving him or her all of the subsequent health benefits of doing so.

Learn more about breastfeeding as an intended parent from other intended parents on our Instagram.

Your doctor can best explain how to proceed with induced lactation based on your individual circumstances, but here are some of the basics of the process:

How it Works

Like other pregnancy-related side effects, lactation is induced by pregnancy hormones. That’s why it’s so important to work closely with your doctor if you wish to breastfeed as an intended mother; they can help you proceed safely and effectively with inducing lactation.

Each intended mother’s situation is different but, typically, here are the steps you will take:

1. Take initial hormones.

Typically, these will be birth control pills that will “trick” your body into thinking that you’re pregnant, the first step to producing milk.

2. Replace these hormones with supplements and medication.

To promote your milk production, your doctor will give you medications and other herbal supplements after stopping the birth control pills.

3. Start pumping for milk.

To induce lactation, you’ll need to start pumping before your baby is born. By increasing the duration and frequency that you pump, your milk will hopefully come in by the time your baby is born.

4. Start nursing, but don’t be afraid to supplement.

Even women who carry their own babies have difficulties with breastfeeding, and that may be the case with you as an intended mother. If your milk supply is not substantial to feed your baby the nutrients he or she needs, don’t be afraid to use a supplemental nursing system. These are more common than you think and provide mothers a way to breastfeed their baby with their own milk and a milk supplement (like the surrogate’s milk, donated breastmilk, etc.) at the same time.

What to Consider About Breastfeeding

For many intended mothers, the opportunity to breastfeed their baby allows them to experience one of the most intimate parts of the post-partum baby-raising process. Even though they could not carry their baby to full term themselves, they are able to have that bonding experience through the intimate process of breastfeeding.

Many intended mothers also consider breastfeeding their child (with their own milk or donated milk) because of the health benefits involved. Studies have shown that breastmilk and breastfeeding may reduce the risk of many health issues for newborns, like asthma and allergies, and has also been linked to reduced risks of breast cancer and ovarian cancer for mothers.

However, breastfeeding for any mother requires time and commitment — and even more so for intended mothers. In addition to nursing a child 10 or 12 times a day, intended mothers must pump for weeks or months before their baby is born in order to successfully breastfeed their child. There is also a learning curve for breastfeeding no matter whether you’re an intended mother or gave birth to the baby yourself; it may not be right for everyone. If you decide to try breastfeeding, it’s important to recognize that you may not always get the results you want — and don’t see it as a negative reflection upon your ability to “be a mother.” Ultimately, the decision will be up to you depending on what you think is right for you and your baby.

If you’re interested in breastfeeding your baby (whether through your own breastmilk, the surrogate’s breastmilk or donated breastmilk), we encourage you to speak with your doctor to learn more about what options are available to you. At American Surrogacy, we can also help coordinate this in your surrogacy contract, should you wish to have your surrogate pump and donate her breastmilk to you.

To learn more today about our other services for intended parents, please call 1-800-875-2229(BABY).

Taking Surrogate Maternity Pictures — What to Know

When parents are expecting a baby, many wish to document their parenthood journey with maternity photos. Just because you are expecting a baby via surrogate doesn’t mean that you can’t do the same, although the process for surrogate maternity pictures may require greater discussion and more creativity that it would for a mother carrying her own child.

If you’re curious about documenting your parenthood journey and the surrogacy process, it’s important that this is a decision made together with your surrogate. Your surrogacy specialist at American Surrogacy can also help you figure out whether surrogate maternity pictures are right for your surrogacy and, if so, help you move forward with that process.

If You’re Considering Surrogacy Maternity Photos

While it’s natural to want to document the time when your unborn baby is developing, you may not know how to approach maternity photos when another woman is carrying your child. Ultimately, whether or not you should consider surrogate maternity pictures will depend upon your relationship with the surrogate. Because this involves her as much as you, she’ll need to be comfortable with this idea before moving forward with it. If she is uncomfortable with it, you should not pressure or force her.

Sometimes, surrogate maternity pictures can be discussed early on during the contract phase of your surrogacy. Other times, intended parents may not think about maternity photos until later in the surrogacy process — and may not be sure how to bring the topic up with their surrogate. Your surrogacy specialist can help you mediate this conversation and offer suggestions to make both parties feel comfortable. Most surrogates will be thrilled to help you document this part of your parenthood journey, although they may have different preferences for how they want to be shown in these photographs. When you have an open conversation about what you each desire in surrogate maternity pictures, you’ll be able to come to a photo style that makes both of you happy. These photos will be something you’ll get to treasure forever.

Ideas for Surrogacy Maternity Photos

So, what are some different styles of surrogate maternity pictures, and which are right for you?

Like other maternity photos, surrogacy maternity photos are only limited by your imagination. As mentioned before, your surrogate’s interest in being a part of these photos will also play a role in how your photographer stages these memories.

Some surrogates would rather have maternity photos focus on what she thinks is most important — the baby. Instead of showing herself in the photo, she may be most comfortable with a photo that highlights her pregnant belly. There are many beautiful ways of doing this:

Other surrogates may be more excited to be a focal point in your surrogate maternity pictures — and invite you to be a part of them as well. Your photographer can find a creative way to incorporate you all into maternity photos for a sentimental snapshot that you both will cherish.

Check out some of these ideas:

These are just a few of the ideas available to you if you’re considering taking maternity photos with your surrogate. If you and your surrogate decide to take maternity photos, make sure you both are included in conversations with the photographer about what you prefer. A surrogacy is a partnership every step of the way, and surrogate maternity pictures are no different!

Be sure to share your own photos with our Instagram community!

A Note for Surrogates

If you’re a surrogate, remember that you are just as important a part of the surrogacy process as the intended parents — which means you should always have a say in any maternity photo plans that are made. You are never required to do anything you’re uncomfortable with, so if you feel like you are being pressured to participate in a photography session, let your surrogacy specialist know.

On the other hand, if your intended parents have not mentioned surrogate maternity pictures and it’s something that you’re interested in, take the same respectful approach that intended parents might take with you. Evaluate your relationship and, if you’re comfortable doing so, suggest the idea in a light-hearted and no-obligation way. Just like you, they have a right to say “no” if maternity photos with you aren’t something they’re interested in. Even if they do turn your offer down, you can still enlist a photographer on your own to document this important moment in your life.

If you ever have questions about surrogate maternity pictures (whether you’re a surrogate or an intended parent), American Surrogacy encourages you to speak with your surrogacy specialist. She can provide suggestions on not only how to bring this topic up but how to make the photography session a great memory for all involved.

How Do You Announce Your Surrogacy on Social Media?

When you decided to start your surrogacy journey, you probably shared your decision with some of your close friends and family members. But, when a pregnancy is finally confirmed and is far enough along, you may want to shout your surrogacy story from the rooftops and let everyone know how excited you are for this baby to be born.

Most of the time, intended parents and surrogates turn to social media as a convenient way to notify everyone in their network about their surrogacy decision. However, there are some important things to consider before posting about your surrogacy online.

Surrogacy is an intimate process, and it’s understandable if one party of the surrogacy wants to keep certain information confidential. Ideally, this is discussed early in the surrogacy process as part of your surrogacy contract, but it’s also a discussion that can be mediated by your surrogacy specialist, if you so desire. The most important thing is to always respect each other’s privacy and interests — in a way that still allows you to share your good news with everyone that you know.

Here are some general guidelines to follow when announcing your surrogacy journey on social media:

1. Talk to your surrogate or intended parents before posting anything.

As mentioned, it’s important to lay down ground rules when you choose to announce and/or document your surrogacy journey. Can you use the intended parents’ or surrogate’s names in the post? How much information about the pregnancy can you reveal (like due date, gender of the baby, etc.)? How much information about the intended parents or surrogate can be posted in this announcement?

Remember, an announcement posted on the internet may reach far beyond the original intended audience of friends and family members. For this reason, many surrogates and intended parents try to keep identifying information private, instead using initials or first names only when posting about the surrogacy process.

2. Look around for examples you like.

Announcing your surrogacy on social media is a big deal, and many intended parents and surrogates want to make sure their announcement perfectly captures how they feel about this process. You may wish to share a maternity photo you all have taken together, or use a cute poem or phrase to share your announcement. It’s a good idea to look through surrogacy websites and other social media to find announcements you want to model your own after.

3. Express your excitement and use this as an opportunity to educate others.

Unfortunately, not a lot of people are familiar with how the surrogacy process actually works. When you announce your surrogacy on social media, make sure you include information or links to information to help others understand the process in more depth. That way, you’ll avoid ignorant questions and comments and instead be able to focus on your excitement and others’ congratulations.

4. Be prepared for negative feedback.

As mentioned above, some people who don’t understand surrogacy will see your surrogacy announcement. Therefore, you should be prepared for friends and family who don’t understand your decision to express their opinion. This is something important to consider before posting your surrogacy announcement; will potential negative feedback undermine your happiness and excitement? If so, you might want to refrain from posting anything on social media about your surrogacy and instead only tell people in person.

If you do get negative feedback, you can always take this as another opportunity to educate people. You can also choose to be selective with your privacy settings, to make sure unsupportive family and friends cannot see your announcement.

5. Remember that there are pros and cons to announcing your surrogacy online.

When you choose to announce your surrogacy online, you are opening your intimate process up to a wider range of people — and opening yourself up to questions that those involved in a natural pregnancy may not experience. For example, people may ask you about fees and the intended parent or surrogate you’re working with. They may not think about how rude these questions can be; they just come from a place of curiosity. You’ll need to prepare yourself to answer these questions, usually with a generic phrase like, “Sorry, but my surrogacy contract doesn’t allow me to discuss that.” Many intended parents and surrogates say they are working with a friend (without mentioning that they actually became friends after they started working together) to avoid more nosy questions.

On the other hand, announcing your surrogacy to a wider range of people can also save you from other uncomfortable questions. For example, if you’re a surrogate and don’t tell people in your life, they may make assumptions when they see you pregnant and then without a baby after you give birth. Likewise, intended parents who weren’t pregnant and who then suddenly have a baby may get inquisitive questions from those who weren’t aware of the surrogacy in the first place.

Ultimately, how and if you decide to announce your surrogacy online will be up to you and the intended parent or surrogate that you’re working with. If you do decide to announce on social media (you’re never obligated in any way to do so), your surrogacy specialist can always give you advice on what information to include, how to best answer people’s questions and more.

If you do announce your surrogacy, share the good news with us on Instagram! We’re happy to share your story.

How to Manage a Long-Distance Surrogacy as an Intended Parent

When you’re starting the surrogacy process as intended parents, you may have hopes of being there for every step of the surrogacy process and attending every doctor’s appointment — but this may not be a possibility for every intended parent.

Sometimes, you find the perfect prospective surrogate — but she’s located farther away than you may have hoped. This shouldn’t deter you from pursuing the match. It’s common for intended parents and surrogates to live a distance from each other, and many successful surrogacy relationships flourish despite a long distance.

At American Surrogacy, our surrogacy specialists will always be available to help you through the challenges of a long-distance surrogacy — and help you understand how this kind of surrogacy can actually be easier than you think. In fact, there are a few steps that are key to managing when your surrogate is located far away.

First, Set a Communication Schedule

Being an intended parent who lives a distance from your surrogate, one of your greatest concerns may be the fear of not knowing what’s going on. You may worry that communication with a long-distance surrogate may be much harder and instead wish to match with a surrogate closer to you.

However, it’s important to remember that wherever your surrogate is located, you will not be a part of her life 24/7. While she will be carrying your baby, she will also have her own responsibilities to attend to, including her family and her job. It’s unrealistic to expect that a surrogate keeps frequent communication with you as her first priority, regardless of where she’s located.

Instead, to maintain healthy boundaries while making both of you happy, you’ll set a contact schedule. For example, you may agree for her to video-chat you at every doctor’s appointment, sharing photos on social media, talk once a week and email every other day. Therefore, for most surrogacy contact, communication will be the same no matter where the surrogate is located. When you both know exactly when you’ll receive your next contact, you won’t need to guess or worry about how things are progressing — you’ll just wait for your next scheduled talk.

Next, Keep Busy

No matter where you’re located in relationship to your surrogate, it can be a stressful time to wait until your baby is born — especially when you can’t do much to impact the development of your unborn child. That’s why it’s so important that intended parents like you take the time to keep busy to prevent yourself from worrying too much and impacting your daily life.

As your surrogate’s pregnancy proceeds, stick to your regular schedule. Take advantage of the free time you have now, as there will be little of it once your bundle of joy arrives. Of course, feel free to stay in contact with your surrogate as much as your contact schedule allows, but also find a way to spend your time in the wait between these contact periods. Many of our intended parents say that staying occupied and keeping up with their usual schedule makes the waiting process much easier, no matter where their surrogate is located.

Also, Keep the Surrogate in Mind

While your contact schedule plays a large role in developing your relationship with your surrogate, in a long-distance relationship, you may wish to take other steps to strengthen your relationship. If frequent in-person visits aren’t possible because of the distance, consider doing other things to express your gratitude and willingness to get to know her personally.

When you have your scheduled calls and emails, don’t make them all about the surrogate pregnancy and your baby; ask her how she’s feeling and get to know a little bit more about her life. Learning more about your surrogate will go a long way to establishing a personal relationship and, even when you’re not talking about your surrogacy, you will feel reassured that this wonderful woman is taking care of your unborn child.

Beyond just getting to know her, you may want to take extra steps to communicate your appreciation because you can’t do it as often in person. For example, you may send her small, meaningful gifts from your state so she knows that you’re thinking of her. Your surrogacy specialist can give you advice on what kind of gifts are and are not acceptable to send.

Finally, Give the Surrogate Some Space

As mentioned before, a long-distance surrogacy can be stressful for intended parents because of the literal and figurative distance they feel from their unborn child. However, it’s important to respect your surrogate and her ability to have a healthy pregnancy. When you overwhelm your surrogate with frequent contact and questions, you’ll create a relationship in which neither of you are happy.

Remember that before a woman can become a surrogate with American Surrogacy, she must pass extensive background screening. Therefore, when you’re matched with a surrogate, you can trust that she’s prepared for the surrogacy process and will do everything she can to have a healthy, successful surrogate pregnancy. She wants to help bring this baby into the world just as much as you do. Trust in the surrogacy process and in her ability to carry your baby, and you’ll have a much better long-distance surrogacy relationship.

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Our surrogacy specialists are always available if you have any questions about matching with a long-distance surrogate or how the long-distance surrogacy process works. We want to make sure all of our intended parents and surrogates are happy with their surrogacy process, no matter the distance, which is why we will always be there to offer advice and support during this time. To learn more today, please call us at 1-800-875-2229.

Deciding Between Surrogacy and Adoption: The Similarities

There are a lot of folks hoping to grow their families but aren’t sure whether they should turn toward adoption or surrogacy. We don’t shy from the fact that our sister company is a national adoption agency, so who better to compare surrogacy and adoption than us?

Let’s quickly break down some of the biggest similarities between the two options:

1. You will need to locate an opportunity with a surrogate or birth mother.

The process of finding an opportunity with a surrogate or with a birth mother is one of the most challenging parts of either processes and is often the main reason hopeful parents choose to work with an agency.

Don’t take this decision lightly – do plenty of research on adoption and surrogacy professionals’ marketing and advertising strategies, and ask them a variety of questions to understand how long it might take to find you an opportunity.

And be sure to find out how long their advertising fees are good for. Do they expire after several months of trying to find a surrogacy or adoption opportunity, or do they never expire like with American Surrogacy?

2. Both options are costly.

You are likely already aware that both surrogacy and adoption are significant financial investments. However, the result of this process is priceless, so in our opinion, either option is quite the bargain!

With that said, surrogacy is often more costly than adoption, usually around double the cost. The two main reasons surrogacy is often more expensive are:

  • The surrogate is paid a base compensation starting at $30,000 (and higher in a state such as California), whereas a birth mother only receives living expenses to help with her pregnancy-related expenses. Surrogates may also earn additional compensations for a variety of events throughout her pregnancy.
  • This is an artificially planned pregnancy, where state-of-the-art medical procedures are required. Medical expenses can quickly add up, especially if multiple embryo transfers are required until a pregnancy is successfully achieved.

3. Support and counseling are important.

Support and counseling are often an overlooked service in adoption and especially in surrogacy.

Even though a surrogacy is a planned pregnancy, the surrogate mother still experiences the same maternal hormones found in traditional pregnancies, and may have certain feelings she needs to talk about with someone other than the intended parents.

This is particularly true in an identified surrogacy, where the surrogate mother may be a family member or friend of the intended parents but may feel uncomfortable sharing her thoughts of feelings if she’s having a rough day. A third-party surrogacy professional or counselor is a great resource to ensure the emotional part of the surrogacy process is being handled as delicately as the rest of the process.

To connect with other intended parents trying to make this decision, check in with our Instagram community. If you have any questions about either option, please contact American Surrogacy today.