Surrogacy is a beautiful journey — so much so that some intended parents decide to do it all over again! When you’re a surrogate, you may be surprised to find yourself contacted months or even years after you give birth, with your intended parents asking you a question: Will you be our surrogate again?

If the prospect of a sibling journey was never mentioned in your first surrogacy, you may be a bit caught off-guard. Maybe surrogacy was a one-time thing for you and your family, and you’ve never thought about doing it again. Maybe you’re not ready for another journey, but now you feel pressured into one because of the people that you care about so much.

So, what do you do when your intended parents ask you about carrying for them again? While many women see it as an honor to be asked about a sibling journey, it’s just as important to evaluate the pros and cons of this process as you did when you first became a surrogate. Even though the intended parents may be the same in a certain surrogacy situation, many other factors are unique and should be dutifully considered before moving forward.

Remember, your surrogacy specialist is always available to help you navigate these conversations when they arise. Don’t be afraid to reach out to our agency for guidance if you are asked about a sibling journey — whatever your personal feelings may be.

Is This Something You are Prepared and Ready for?

It’s easy to feel pressured into a sibling journey when your intended parents ask you to carry again. If they’re asking, odds are they had a positive enough relationship with you during the first journey to want to repeat it again. They probably already trust you and care for you, and they want to repeat the same positive experience they had with their first child born via surrogacy.

If you had a similarly positive experience, you may initially feel the same way about carrying for them again. But, just because you’ve carried for a couple once doesn’t mean a second journey is an automatic guarantee. Just as you had to during your first surrogacy journey, you will still need to meet specific requirements and ensure you (and your family) are ready to embark on this journey again. Just because you have been a surrogate before doesn’t mean that you can automatically become a surrogate this time around.

If your intended parents were the ones who reached out to you, it’s possible that you hadn’t considered becoming a surrogate for them again. Before you engage in this conversation, you can always call your surrogacy specialist for more details about how this journey will work.

You will also want to ask yourself these questions:

• Do I still meet the requirements to become a surrogate?
• Is my family comfortable with me giving up my time and energy at this point in our lives?
• Am I ready to put my family’s plans and goals on hold for a year or more?
• Am I comfortable with the risk of another surrogate pregnancy?
• Do I really want to carry another child for this family?

If you’re having trouble deciding whether or not being a surrogate again is right for you, call your surrogacy specialist at 1-800-875-2229(BABY) for counseling.

How a Sibling Journey May Be Different

While the relationship parts of a sibling surrogacy journey may certainly be easier than in your first surrogacy journey, that doesn’t mean that every part of your second surrogacy will be as easy or uncomplicated as the first. On the contrary, carrying for someone you already know can come with new complexities that may not have ever crossed your mind.

Some of these difficulties come from the assumptions that many intended parents make when they work with the same surrogate for the second time. They may assume that you are okay with the same travel schedule, contact preferences, surrogate compensation and more. It can be uncomfortable for you if your preferences have changed and you want a slightly different journey; you may be afraid asking for those changes shows that you are “ungrateful” for or were unhappy in your previous journey.

But, the fact is, no matter how long it’s been between surrogacy journeys, things are different. You are older, and your family situation may require more of you with older children and more responsibilities. You may not be as clinically “healthy” for pregnancy as you were before; getting pregnant may not be easy (or even possible) like it was before.

Even after you start a sibling journey, the expectations you and your intended parents have may lull you into a sense of security. If things don’t go as they did during your first surrogacy, it can be uncomfortable and scary. In the worst case scenario, the positive relationship you had in your first surrogacy can quickly deteriorate should something unfortunate happen in your sibling journey.

Remember: Every surrogacy is unique, even if the partners involved are the same. Therefore, every journey must be treated as so.

Don’t Be Afraid of Saying “No”

When intended parents approach you about carrying a sibling for their first child born via surrogacy, you’ll probably feel a lot of emotions. You may even feel guilty if you are not open to this idea — and that you’ll have to let your intended parents down by rejecting their proposal.

Remember this: You are never obligated to become a surrogate for anyone, no matter your personal history. Being a surrogate is a great commitment, and it’s important that you and your family are 100 percent comfortable before agreeing to this journey. When you signed up to become a surrogate the first time, you were only obligating yourself to one surrogacy journey. Your intended parents should respect that.

Saying “no” can be hard, but it is important that you advocate for yourself. Make sure to emphasize how honored you are by the intended parents approaching you, but be strong and clear about how becoming a surrogate is not in the cards for your life at this time. Your intended parents should understand. If you have trouble navigating this conversation, your surrogacy specialist will be there to help.

Whatever you end up deciding when it comes to a sibling surrogacy journey, remember that it is your decision alone. You are always the one who knows what is best for you and your family.

As long as you meet the requirements, you can choose to be a surrogate regardless of your marital status. You can also be a surrogate while your spouse or partner is away for deployment, work, school or for any other reason.

There are a lot of reasons why you might be considering becoming a surrogate and why becoming a surrogate now feels right for you and your family. But, you probably also have quite a few questions and some uncertainties. We can always help you there.

Learn more about being a surrogate by checking us out on Instagram. 

Here are some of the most common questions that women who are considering becoming surrogates while their spouses or partners are away have asked:

Who Might Be a Surrogate With an Absent Spouse?

Women who aren’t married can certainly become surrogates as long as they meet the necessary requirements, but there are also many married women who choose to become surrogates while their spouse or partner is away for an extended period of time. These prospective surrogates have included women whose spouses or partners:

• are in the military and are away for deployment or basic training
• travel often as part of their job
• are incarcerated
• are away for school or studying abroad
• or are otherwise gone for part of, or the duration of, the surrogate pregnancy.

As long as you meet the requirements to become a surrogate established by your state and American Surrogacy, becoming a surrogate may be an option for you.

Why is This a Common Trend for Surrogates?

Becoming a surrogate when your spouse is away for deployment is a fairly common occurrence. Why?

A woman’s reasons for becoming a surrogate are unique and vary from one person to the next. Similarly, every couple’s situation is different when one of them is away. But, there may be a few reasons why this is such a popular option for committed couples:

• If you and your spouse move around a lot, it can be hard to put down roots in the community, but surrogacy gives you an opportunity to feel like you’re giving back regardless of where you live.
• Compensation for surrogacy is legal in most states, so for many women and their families, it can be a nice financial boost while one provider is away.
• If you and your spouse travel but you don’t have a career outside the home, surrogacy gives you a fulfilling way to spend your time doing something that’s your own, in addition to being meaningful to you and someone else.
• The surrogacy process for most surrogates takes roughly a year, which is a short enough commitment that you wouldn’t be locked into something that you couldn’t move away from but is long enough to keep your mind occupied if you worry about your spouse while they’re away, such as if they’re deployed.

There are plenty of reasons why you might be inspired to be a surrogate for someone and plenty of reasons why you might decide to begin this process while your spouse is away. American Surrogacy will support you through that process.

What’s Different About the Surrogacy Process without the Surrogate’s Spouse/Partner?

Very little is different. There are really only three differences of note that may affect you.

Legally, a surrogate’s spouse or partner must sign their consent to her surrogacy decision in some states. Not because you need your spouse’s permission, but because they would need to acknowledge that they have no legal parental rights to the intended parents’ baby; in some states the surrogate and her husband would be legally presumed to be the parents even if they’re not biologically related to the baby. Your surrogacy attorney would be able to tell you whether or not this step would be applicable in your situation, as every legal case is different.

Emotionally, becoming a surrogate without your spouse or partner can be difficult. As you know, pregnancy can be mentally and emotionally exhausting in addition to the physical strain. Not having your primary source of emotional support there with you during a pregnancy, even though it’s not your own baby, can be tough. However, you won’t be alone. In addition to the support system that you have with family and friends, you’ll also have the intended parents and your American Surrogacy specialist to lean on.

Financially, health care coverage is a concern for some women whose spouses are away, particular for women who are part of a military family. This is because some military insurance providers won’t cover the medical costs of a surrogate pregnancy if they find out that you’re pregnant for someone else rather than for yourself. This is something that you’d need to consult with an American Surrogacy specialist about. While our specialists make sure surrogates are never left with any medical costs, insurance policies can complicate matters, and it’s important to be aware of them as early as possible.

Would I Be a Good Surrogate?

Ultimately, that’s up to you. If you meet the requirements of your state as well as your surrogacy professional, then you’re certainly eligible. Of course, that’s not the only consideration you’re probably taking into account.

Ask yourself a few more questions that might be specific to your situation, like:

• Am I ready for a surrogate pregnancy without my spouse/partner present?
• Do I have some friends or family who can help me out as my surrogate pregnancy progresses if I need them (emotionally or for practical everyday things)?
• Can I handle raising kids alone, as well as the commitment of being a surrogate?

It’s not only possible for a woman to become a surrogate while her spouse or partner is away, it’s actually quite common. If you think you might be interested in being a surrogate, you may find talking to other women who have been surrogates while their spouses were gone a helpful resource. You can also talk to a specialist at American Surrogacy for free if you have any questions or if you’d like to begin the process. Call 1-800-875-BABY(2229) today to get started.

Some prospective surrogates worry that once the baby is born, they’ll be saddled with part of the bill. Know this: When you’re a surrogate, your pregnancy costs are always covered. Your postpartum health care is also covered, so the only thing you’ll be responsible for after delivery is getting back on your feet.

Hear directly from experienced surrogates themselves. Follow us on Instagram to get valuable insight from those who have been through the process.

Here are some of the most common questions and concerns surrogates have about their postpartum expenses, as well as the answers to those questions:

Who Is Responsible for the Surrogate’s Medical Costs Once the Baby is Born?

Generally, when it comes to surrogacy, any cost that’s related to the pregnancy is the responsibility of the intended parents. This will include your postpartum pregnancy-related care.

The intended parents will have money in escrow, which can be used for up to six months of postpartum payments for things such as pregnancy-related medical expenses. So, you can know you’ll be safely covered for six months.

These specifics will all be carefully discussed in detail in your surrogacy contract, so you’ll have financial protection and everyone involved knows what to expect after the baby is born.

How Does Insurance Work?

Although it would make things simpler, the intended parents’ health insurance rarely covers any medical treatments for surrogates. Usually, this is because you are the one who’s pregnant — not the policy-holder (the intended parents).

Along with the costs of your pregnancy, your health insurance may cover some or all of your postpartum health care costs. This all depends on your insurance plan and your postpartum needs. If there are out-of-pocket costs or other health care expenses that your insurance won’t cover, the intended parents will cover these costs.

Your individual insurance coverage is something that’s taken into consideration when creating your surrogacy contract and working out finances with your intended parents. Your surrogacy professionals will be able to help you navigate this, so that your insurance can carry the costs whenever possible.

Whenever there’s an out-of-pocket cost like a co-pay at the doctor’s office, you will likely need to pay that up front. You will then  be reimbursed for any of these costs through the aforementioned escrow account.

Bottom line — we’re here to make sure that you don’t pay for the pregnancy you’re carrying for someone else.

What Does Postpartum Recovery Usually Include?

Every pregnancy is different, so one woman’s postpartum health care needs will be different from another woman’s. If your past pregnancies have been pretty consistent, then you may know what to expect during your postpartum recovery and what your recovery needs may cost.

If the postpartum phases of your previous pregnancies have been more varied, here’s what you can usually expect after the average healthy pregnancy and complication-free vaginal delivery:

• Your doctor will ask you to come in for a postpartum follow-up appointment, typically two to six weeks after your delivery, to make sure you’re physically and emotionally well.
• Your doctor may recommend that you have a pap smear, typically six weeks after your delivery.

If you have any complications with your pregnancy — such as a cesarean section, hemorrhaging, or other medical issues — you’ll have more appointments with your doctor as needed to check on any sutures or bleeding and to monitor your overall healing.

Because your recovery needs will depend on your body, the time that it takes for you to recover and the costs of your postpartum care (as well as what your insurance will cover) will vary.

How Much Does Postpartum Care Cost?

Again, everyone’s postpartum recovery is going to be a little different. Your past pregnancies may be a good indicator of how long it’ll take for you to recover and what the costs may be like for your intended parents.

The best way for you to get a rough estimate of what your insurance will cover and what the intended parents will be responsible for is by contacting your insurance provider. You’ve probably done this before with your past pregnancies, but if you’re not sure what specific questions to ask your insurance provider, especially for a surrogacy situation, you can talk about it with your American Surrogacy specialist first. They’ll be able to offer you some tips.

As tiresome as handling health insurance always is, there are two key takeaways to keep in mind:

1. Your American Surrogacy specialist is always there if you have any questions or if you need help figuring out health insurance and sorting out finances as you prepare for the surrogacy process.

2. Surrogates are never presumed responsible for the pregnancy-related expenses in surrogacy. The intended parents are presumed responsible for whatever your insurance won’t cover, and your surrogacy contract will be designed to reflect that, so that you won’t have to pay for things like postpartum health expenses.

If you have any more questions about how the coverage of your medical costs works in surrogacy, call an American Surrogacy specialist now at 1-800-875-BABY(2229).

You probably really like your intended parents. We certainly hope so, anyway! You’re rooting for them. You know the surrogacy process can be expensive and — because you’re becoming a surrogate, we know you’re an empathetic and generous person — so you likely want to help the intended parents out in whatever way you can.

But will skipping the surrogacy agency route to save your intended parents money help or hurt you both? Here’s an honest look:

The Pros of Going Independent with Your Intended Parents

Pursuing surrogacy independently means that you’re not working with an agency. This is also sometimes called “private surrogacy.” You would still work with attorneys and medical professionals, so you’re not truly independent, but you’d be cutting out the agency that usually coordinates with those professionals on your behalf. In that sense, going independent is sort of like DIY-ing your wedding versus working with a wedding planner. Is it the right route for you?

Here are some of the benefits of going independent:

• It may save your intended parents money, because they won’t have to pay any agency fees, although there will still be costs associated with medical and legal expenses and the professionals who handle those procedures.
• It can give intended parents greater control over the process, as they’ll be responsible for overseeing and planning everything.
• If you and your intended parents already have experience with surrogacy, you might not need guidance from a professional.

Who should pursue surrogacy independently?

• Intended parent-surrogate partnerships that are already matched, know and trust each other
• People who have extensive experience with the surrogacy process in their state
• People who are prepared to coordinate all of the necessary services with the required professionals and who fully understand the risks and responsibilities of doing so on their own

The Cons of Going Independent with Your Intended Parents

Wanting to save your intended parents some money is a noble thought, but going independent may not actually be helpful to either of you. Not only would you both be missing out on important services, but everyone involved could be put at risk without the protection of an agency. Ultimately, what agencies do is protect intended parents and surrogates.

Here are some of the drawbacks of going independent:

• You and the intended parents would be responsible for: coordinating with lawyers, fertility clinics; talking about tough topics like finances and potential pregnancy situations such selective reduction or termination; and more.
• Screening, counseling and case management services that agencies provide might seem less important than the bare-bones legal and medical services, but surrogacy situations that didn’t have those safety measures are where surrogacy horror stories like unenforced contracts or the intended parents not accepting the baby come from. Counseling and case management ensures that both parties are communicating well, adhering to the agreement and considering both sides of situation.
• Agencies have experience partnering with reputable legal and medical professionals, as well as navigating the surrogacy processes of various states. If you pursue surrogacy independently, you can’t take advantage of an agency’s connection to high-quality attorneys and fertility clinics and their ability to coordinate easily with those providers to get you through your surrogacy process smoothly, safely and quickly.

Who should pursue surrogacy with an agency?

• People who don’t already have a match and want to find a surrogate or intended parent(s) who is safe and who shares their goals for a surrogacy experience
• People who don’t have much experience with surrogacy and who want the guidance and protection of a professional
• People who would feel more comfortable having an experienced professional coordinate the necessary processes on their behalf, facilitate communication with other professionals and provide all the services needed to complete the surrogacy process in full

The Takeaway

When you go interdependent, there is no guarantee the intended parents will actually be saving money, and you could all be put at an increased amount of risk. Your relationship with the intended parents could be jeopardized without proper counseling throughout the process and you could all be legally endangered if you don’t understand the complex surrogacy processes of your state from the very start.

Remember that skipping an agency doesn’t mean that surrogacy is free, either. There are still legal and medical expenses that’ll need to be paid, but without an agency, there’s no one to advise your intended parents about ways to minimize those costs or about how to avoid working with fraudulent legal and medical professionals. You would be cutting out the fees paid to an agency, but the other costs can add up for your intended parents. Remember: Even if you work with a surrogacy agency, you, as a surrogate, will never be expected to pay for any of your surrogacy journey.

In most situations, surrogates and intended parents are advised to work with an experienced surrogacy agency for everyone’s protection. This is even true (and sometimes especially so) in identified surrogacy situations where you’re very close to the intended parents, such as when you’re becoming a surrogate for close friends or family members. An agency will provide you both with the counseling necessary to make sure your relationship with the intended parents will be just as good, if not closer, than before you started your surrogacy journey together.

If you’re interested in learning more about working with a surrogacy agency, contact American Surrogacy now at 1-800-875-2229 for free information. You and the intended parents can ask questions and decide if going through an agency is what’s safest for you.

Looking to expand your surrogacy network? Connect with surrogates and intended parents on our Instagram page.

The moment when you place the baby you’ve been carrying for nine months into the arms of his or her parents is an incredibly special one. Now it’s time to get ready for that moment! Here’s what you should pack in your hospital bag as a surrogate:

Paperwork

These are probably the most important items you’ll pack. The hospital will usually have things like extra toiletries on hand, but especially with a surrogacy birth, only you’ll be able to supply some of this information.

It’s best to try to prepare your hospital by letting them know about your birth plan in advance, as they may not have had any experience with a surrogacy birth. Your American Surrogacy specialist will work with you, your intended parents and your hospital to create a hospital plan that you’re comfortable with and to make sure that everything is ready, so that everyone is prepared and on the same page.

Bringing more information than less is a good idea, just in case. Some things you should pack include:

• Your insurance cards
• Your driver’s license or I.D.
• Your surrogacy contract
• The pre-birth order (if possible)
• Copies of relevant prenatal medical information (if necessary)

The hospital should have a way to identify you and your family (like your spouse and children if they visit you) as well as the baby and the intended parents. Most hospitals are accommodating of the intended parents once they understand your special birth plan, so check with your surrogacy specialist to confirm what paperwork you should have ready.

Clothes

Comfort is definitely key. Some hospitals tend to keep the temperature uncomfortably low, while others set it too high. You can’t go wrong with light layers. A few essentials you should pack include:

• A robe to put on over your hospital gown
• Socks or slippers
• A couple of loose and comfortable outfits that you could go home in
• Extra underwear
• Nursing bras

Toiletries

Again, the hospital will likely have spares of anything you might need, so don’t over pack, but you might have preferences about brands. Think back to your last delivery and what would have made you more comfortable. Helpful things to pack include:

• Your toothbrush and toothpaste
• Deodorant
• Hairbrush
• A hair tie, headband, or whatever you prefer to keep your hair out of the way
• Breast pads
• Pads for post-partum bleeding
• Nipple cream or Lanolin if your breasts get tender
• If you plan on pumping breast milk for the baby, a breast pump
• Post-partum ice packs

Miscellaneous

Don’t stress too much about packing. If you forget something, ask your spouse to run home and grab it for you. Your past deliveries will be your most helpful guide when considering what to pack for your hospital stay. Some additional things you might want to toss in your bag before you forget include:

• Your phone charger
• Anything from home that’ll make you more comfortable (a book, headphones, a specific pillow, blanket, sleep mask, etc.)
• A little gift or memento for the child, like a photo album of your pregnancy or a special stuffed animal if you’d like them to have something to mark the nine months you spent together

Giving birth as a surrogate is an incredible and unique experience. Packing your hospital bag may seem small, but it’s all part of something exciting. Enjoy it!

For even more things you might need for your hospital stay, check in with our Instagram community.

American Surrogacy is here to help you create a hospital plan that you can feel confident about, and is with you every step of the way, preparing you for what to expect at the hospital with a surrogacy birth. Contact us now at 1-800-875-BABY (1-800-875-2229) to learn more about how to become a surrogacy and to make a surrogacy birth plan.

You may be feeling somewhat overwhelmed when you’re taking care of the intended parents’ growing baby and your family, especially in the midst of craziness of the holiday season. Now more than ever, it’s important to care of yourself.

Here are four tips that can help you navigate the upcoming holidays as a surrogate so that you stay healthy, sane and actually enjoy yourself:

1. Take Care of Yourself

Pregnancy is physically, mentally and emotionally tough. Surrogacy adds extra pressure to what you’re experiencing. Combine that with the holidays, and you probably need a break. Here are few self-care tips that might seem obvious, but are no less important:

• Sleep! Need a nap? Take a nap. Whenever. Go to bed early if you need to. If you (and baby) say “sleep,” everyone else can say, “sweet dreams.”
• Stay hydrated. There will be (non-alcoholic) punch, cider, soda and all sorts of delicious holiday indulgences. However, keep drinking plenty of plain old water so that you’ll both stay healthy throughout the winter.
• There will be plenty of temptations, but it’s best to avoid some holiday foods. You probably know to stay away from soft cheese, alcohol and undercooked meats, but you should also skip the eggnog, cookie dough and caffeine. Make sure you eat lots of healthy fruits and veggies if you indulge in holiday treats.
• Ask for help, delegate tasks and take time for yourself. Whether that’s letting your partner or spouse take over your half of the holiday to-do list or having a friend or family member pitch in so that you can get some rest, let others know when you need a hand.

Be honest and firm about your needs this holiday season. Taking care of yourself (mentally, physically and emotionally) as well as the baby is priority number one. Once you and the baby are taken care of, you can take care of your family and holiday matters.

2. Holiday Stress Can Be Tough on the Baby (and You!)

All the planning, shopping, traveling and expectations of the holiday season can be fun, but it can also be stressful. That stress now affects both you and the baby. Staying relaxed is healthier for you and for the baby, but that can be trickier during the heightened emotions of the holidays.

Remember:

• Ask for help when you need it, whether that’s with everyday tasks or holiday chores like decorating and shopping.
• Cut out excess stress wherever you feel it’s possible or needed, like skipping that party you don’t feel like going to, buying fewer presents, or making fewer travel plans.
• The holidays aren’t about commitments or gifts, so take a breath if you feel overwhelmed.

The holiday season can bring us so much joy and warmth, or it can make us feel overwhelmed and frustrated. A lot of that depends on how we choose to approach it. Don’t feel bad about cutting out things that cause you stress this season. This is an opportunity to reconnect with what’s important to you as you celebrate.

3. Focus on Your Family

You’re doing an amazing thing for someone else’s family — you’re growing a child for them! It can be easy to get caught up in the feelings of your intended parents while you’re on this journey together, but you deserve some time to focus on your own family during the holidays. Here are a few tips for making the most of this time with your family:

• If you need to communicate a little less with your intended parents during the busy days surrounding the holidays, just let them or your surrogacy specialist know.
• The holidays are a great time to spend some quality time with your kids, especially if they’ve been a bit unsure about the surrogacy process.
• Book a babysitter for an evening off with your partner or spouse and take a break from holiday (and surrogacy) craziness together.

You don’t have to go overboard with gifts or special plans… just spend some undistracted time together as a family. As a surrogate, you mean a lot to someone else’s family. But your family comes first.

4. Take it Easy this Year

Maybe your house is normally the one festooned with the most lights on the block each year. Maybe it’s an annual tradition to stay up all night carefully basting a turkey. Maybe you usually host a bunch of people for a party, or you travel to several different family celebrations.

This might be the year to take things easy. You’ve got a lot going on, and it’s ok to say “no” to obligations, even if those commitments are self-imposed.

Your pregnant body will probably thank you if you’re not traveling, staying up late, stressing or overexerting yourself. Changing things up and adopting a more laid-back holiday schedule this year will allow you to spend some relaxed time with your family and also maybe give you a couple new traditions.

Instead of more elaborate holiday traditions, consider these stress-saving holiday ideas:

• Have the family’s favorite simple meal (think spaghetti or tacos) instead of a fancy holiday meal.
• Have a staycation with hot cocoa and a holiday movie marathon instead of traveling across the country for holiday get-togethers.
• Book a post-surrogacy family trip as a gift instead of giving traditional presents and save yourself some shopping trips.
• If you normally cook or bake a lot, opt for store-bought this year.
• If you don’t feel like going to the usual holiday parties, don’t go! Put yourself first.

The holidays can bring a certain amount of pressure, but there’s nothing wrong with keeping things simple and low key. Spending your holidays pregnant can be frustrating, depending on how you’re feeling, but it can also be a chance to change things up and get back to the basics of the season. Remember the wonderful reason why you’re doing this, and how you’re about to give the best gift ever to your intended parents!

If you’re struggling with the stress of the holiday season as a surrogate, you can always reach out to your surrogacy specialist for support at 1-800-875-BABY (875-2229).

If you feel the need to expand your surrogacy community, you can find many empathetic surrogates and intended parents on our Instagram.

Deciding who to carry for when you’re a gestational surrogate is a big choice. After all, these are the people who you will spend a year or more getting to know intimately and sacrificing so much of your personal time, effort and energy to help become parents. You shouldn’t choose just anyone to be your intended parents; American Surrogacy is here to help you find the perfect partner for this upcoming journey.

When you work with our agency, your surrogacy specialist will guide you through every process of locating prospective intended parents — but the ultimate decision of who to carry for will always be up to you. So, how do you know that certain intended parents are “the ones” for you?

As a gestational carrier, you likely have a few things you are looking for in your surrogacy partner. But, if you’re not sure what else to keep in mind, know there are a few common aspects that all good intended parents should have. Here’s what you should look for during your matching process:

1. Someone Who Shares Your Surrogacy Goals and Preferences

The first thing that every prospective surrogate should look for in intended parents is the same surrogacy goals and preferences. Every surrogacy journey is different; you will have different expectations than another gestational carrier. Therefore, you’ll want to make sure you match with a surrogacy partner who not only is comfortable with those desires but also wants the same thing in their surrogacy journey.

Some of the issues that you and your intended parents will want to align on include:

• Surrogate compensation
• Contact preferences
• Selective reduction and termination
• Number of embryo transfer attempts
• Professionals used in the process
• And more

When you work with American Surrogacy, your surrogacy specialist will help you create a plan for your surrogacy journey. They will use this plan to identify intended parents who share the same desires.

2. Someone Who Meets Your Expectations

You will also need to create a list of desired characteristics for the intended parents for whom you carry. The surrogacy matching process is a mutual one, but you will have a say in what kind of parents you are comfortable carrying for. As part of your surrogacy plan, you will create a profile of your ideal intended parent, including characteristics such as:

• Marital status
• Sexual orientation
• Location
• Smoking or non-smoking
• Family makeup
• And more

Your surrogacy specialist will do all they can to present you with families who meet your expectations. Don’t feel like you have to agree to carry for a family who doesn’t have the characteristics you want; you can always wait longer for the perfect intended parents.

3. Someone Who Respects Your Opinions

Surrogacy is a partnership, so it’s important that your intended parents are ready to form a respectful relationship with you. If prospective intended parents disregard your personal preferences or try to change your mind about certain conditions you want, be wary. You have as much right to determine your surrogacy journey as intended parents do. Sometimes, you may need to say “no” to intended parents if they make you feel uncomfortable about your surrogacy preferences and goals.

4. Someone Who Wants to Get to Know You

On the same note, you’ll want to find intended parents who are genuinely interested in a positive relationship. Surrogacy has the potential for many ups and downs along the way, and having a strong relationship with intended parents will make a big difference.  If your intended parents are taking the steps to get to know you, your family and your surrogacy preferences, it means they wish to form the kind of relationship that will benefit you both during this journey.

During your initial conversations with intended parents, pay close attention to your conversation. Are they asking you questions about yourself, or does the conversation seem more about their own desires? That will clue you in to what these intended parents will really be like as the process continues.

5. Someone Who Gives You that Gut Feeling

Finally, when you’re choosing intended parents, it’s important to pay attention to your instincts. Many gestational carriers say they “just know” when intended parents are the right match — they just click. While you should keep all the other aspects mentioned above in mind, don’t underestimate the importance of a natural connection. That may be the final sign that you’re ready to move forward with your match.

Remember, every intended parent presented to you by your surrogacy specialist will have undergone screening to ensure they are ready for the surrogacy process. When you decide an intended parent is the right surrogacy partner for you, they will be ready to begin whenever you are.

Want to learn more about finding intended parents with American Surrogacy? You can find a robust community of surrogates like yourself on our social media, or contact our surrogacy professionals for free by calling 1-800-875-2229(BABY) today.