Surrogates | American Surrogacy Blog

10 Tips for New Surrogates

If you’re considering becoming a surrogate, congratulations! You’re about to embark on a life-changing journey and join thousands of women who have made a huge difference in someone else’s lives.

However, as much research as you’ve probably done up until the point, you may still have questions and concerns. What is it really like to be surrogate? How can you prepare for this journey?

Fortunately, when you work with American Surrogacy, your surrogacy specialist will be there to support you throughout your journey. Whatever advice and answers you need, she can provide them or help you find additional resources to help you, like former surrogates or professional counselors.

To help you prepare for this new step in your life, we’ve gathered some top tips from former surrogates who were once in your very situation:

1. Remember that you are part of a team.

Surrogacy is an involved process with many complicated aspects and steps. You will need to work closely with your surrogacy professionals and your intended parents to complete it successfully. While you will play an important role in the surrogacy journey, it’s not all about your experience; it will be a give-and-take with everyone else that’s involved.

2. Communication is key.

You and the intended parents will be pursuing a very intimate process with each other, so it’s helpful to build a positive and strong relationship from the beginning of your journey. There may be difficult moments throughout your surrogacy, and being able to easily and effectively communicate with each other will make those moments easier to move forward from.

3. Be prepared for the emotions of the process.

Surrogacy comes with both emotional highs and lows, and your surrogacy specialist will help you prepare for them. However, understand the potential for things like miscarriages, failed transfers and selective reductions and think about how you may respond to these situations. Remember, your surrogacy professional can help you connect with trained counselors if you need them.

4. The hormones from medication and pregnancy will affect you.

When you become a surrogate, you’ll potentially go through more hormonal changes as you take pre-transfer medications to regulate your hormones. The experience may or may not be comparable to your past pregnancies. Be prepared for the possibility that these hormones may affect your personality more than they did before.

5. Don’t feel pressured into a match unless you’re sure it’s right.

As a surrogate, you have the right to only carry for a family that you are 100 percent comfortable with. If this means you have to wait longer than normal to find the intended parents that you feel a connection with, that’s okay. Your surrogacy specialist will work with you to find the perfect family who fits all of your surrogacy preferences and goals.

6. Be comfortable with your contract and don’t sign anything until you are ready.

Similarly, you do not have to agree to the terms of your contract until you feel that your rights and interests are protected. You will be provided a personal lawyer for this stage of the process, and you can take all the time you need to discuss with him or her all your questions or concerns. You are never obligated to start any surrogacy processes until you sign your contract but, once you do sign, you will be legally obligated to follow every responsibility outlined in it.

7. Follow your contract and everything will be fine.

It’s normal to worry whether you are doing everything “right” in your time as a surrogate. However, as long as you follow what is stated in your contract and stay healthy as you are pregnant, you will be the best surrogate that intended parents could ask for. If you ever have any questions about your responsibilities, speak with your surrogacy specialist.

8. Be prepared for not everything to work out as planned.

Unfortunately, everything in your surrogacy journey may not work out the first time. It’s not uncommon for a surrogate to take a while to find the perfect intended parents, for the first transfer to fail or even for a miscarriage to occur. It can certainly be disheartening when a situation like this occurs, but know that it’s completely normal and that your surrogacy professionals will be there to help you move forward.

9. Stay in touch with your surrogacy professionals.

It’s been mentioned throughout this list, but don’t underestimate the importance of your surrogacy professionals throughout your surrogacy journey. They exist to support you through the challenges and rewards of the process — especially for first-time surrogates who aren’t sure what to expect. Don’t be afraid to reach out for their assistance when you need it.

10. Take care of yourself.

It’s easy to get lost in the bigger picture of your surrogacy journey – you’re helping to create a family and carrying the dreams of intended parents in your uterus. However, it’s important to remember the basics of caring for your physical and mental health during your surrogacy. Whatever else is happening, make sure to take the necessary steps to keep yourself healthy, as it will be instrumental to ensuring a positive, healthy surrogacy journey for everyone.

Want more tips from surrogates or have your own to add? Consider reaching out to surrogate support groups or contacting a surrogacy specialist at American Surrogacy to be connected with other surrogates like you.

The Truth About Multiple-Embryo Transfers

It’s an important conversation that every prospective surrogate and intended parent should have with their medical professional: How many embryos should I be comfortable with in a single transfer?

Ideally, this conversation should take place well before an embryo transfer — even before someone starts the surrogacy process at all. However, new research from FertilityIQ estimates that 1/5 of all patients undergoing infertility treatments are only educated about the facts of a multi-embryo transfer immediately before the procedure itself.

Clearly, both intended parents and surrogates need to advocate for themselves while preparing for this step of the surrogacy process.

At American Surrogacy, our specialists will help connect you with an appropriate medical professional early on in the process. This way, you can learn about the pros and cons of transferring multiple embryos to make the best decision for you.

Rather than solely relying on one doctor’s recommendation, it’s important that intended parents and surrogates do their own research to learn about this topic from several resources. To help you start that process, we’ve listed some of the basic information you need to know in this article.

The Basics and Risks of the Transfer Process

In every in vitro fertilization process, intended parents will need to decide how many embryos they want to transfer to the mother’s (or surrogate’s) uterus. Usually, this decision will be influenced by several factors, like:

The health of the mother or surrogate
The results from pre-implantation genetic screening
The intended parents’ budget and wishes

A fertility doctor should speak at length with intended parents about this decision, as it’s one that has many different repercussions for all involved. Unfortunately, not all doctors take this approach — instead recommending one path over another, after which intended parents often go with the suggested embryo transfer number.

While each medical situation is unique, it’s important to note that transferring more than one embryo comes with well-documented risks. Carrying multiples increases medical complications for both mothers and children by almost five times. These medical complications, like early birth, can cost parents more money and cause more emotional distress than a single birth resulting from a single-embryo transfer.

Still, doctors may recommend multiple embryo transfers in older women to increase their chances of pregnancy, despite these risks. No matter what the situation, all intended parents should be fully educated about both options long before the transfer takes place.

So, Which is Better: A Single- or Multiple-Embryo Transfer?

It would appear that single-embryo transfer is the safer path to take, right? It may be, but many American intended parents today aren’t following this path.

As a whole, intended parents in the U.S. complete far more multiple-embryo transfers compared to single-embryo transfers than other countries — in fact, more than twice as often as intended parents in Australia, based on FertilityIQ’s research. This is due to several factors.

In the U.S., the cost of an IVF process is much more expensive than the cost of those in countries where the healthcare system is paid for or greatly subsidized by the government. Therefore, intended parents often transfer more than one embryo their first time to reduce the chance that they need to pay for more than one transfer process.

Research also shows that there is no consistent education offered to intended parents among fertility clinics. The amount and accuracy of information will vary based on the doctor being used — which could be a possible reason why so many intended parents choose to do a multiple-embryo transfer early in the process.

The discussion about how many embryos to transfer in the surrogacy process is an even more complicated one. After all, the risks of a multiple-embryo transfer will not be carried by the intended parents but by the surrogate — which should impact the intended parents’ desire to transfer multiple embryos in the first place.

The American Society for Reproductive Medicine usually only advises one healthy embryo be transferred in women up to age 38, because “in patients of any age, transfer of a euploid embryo has the most favorable prognosis and should be limited to one.” Therefore, many surrogates and intended parents will determine during their legal contract phase that their embryo transfer will be limited to one for each transfer process. If it is decided that multiple embryos will be transferred, the contract should also address the financial protections for the possibility of carrying multiples and any subsequent complications.

If intended parents or a surrogate are considering a multiple-embryo transfer during surrogacy, we recommend you speak in detail with your surrogacy specialist and your fertility doctor for more information about the risks and benefits of doing so. The surrogacy specialists at American Surrogacy are always available to discuss your personal surrogacy situation if you call them at 1-800-875-2229(BABY) today.

10 Signs that You’d Make a Great Surrogate

Surrogates are selfless, generous women who give their time, energy and body to someone else who desperately hopes to be a parent. It’s a great commitment — one a woman should only make when she’s sure it’s right for her.

But, if you’re considering surrogacy, how do really you know when you’re ready to be a surrogate? What are some signs that this is a good path for you?

Each woman is different, so it’s important that you speak with a surrogacy specialist at American Surrogacy before committing to this process, so you can understand exactly what to expect.

However, there are a few characteristics that all great surrogates share. Find out what they are below and, if you think they describe you, contact American Surrogacy at 1-800-875-2229 today to start your surrogacy journey.

1. You’re healthy enough to be a surrogate.

All surrogates must meet certain health requirements to undergo an embryo transfer and successfully carry a surrogate pregnancy to term. This includes having a certain BMI, no previous pregnancy complications and no use of anti-depressants or anti-anxiety medication. Talk to a surrogacy agency or a surrogacy clinic to find out whether you meet these surrogate health requirements.

2. You are currently raising a child.

All surrogates must have successfully carried one pregnancy already and be raising a child in their home. Having already been pregnant, you are better prepared for the emotional and medical challenges of pregnancy. You will also have a child to come home to in case you experience any emotional difficulties after the intended parents’ baby is born.

3. You and your spouse have completed your family.

While surrogacy professionals take every step to make sure your safety is accounted for, there are certain inherent medical risks of the surrogacy process. One of these is the loss of reproductive organs or the inability to get pregnant again. All surrogates should be comfortable with the size of their family before they start the process, just in case these losses occur.

4. You enjoy being pregnant.

Most surrogates truly love the pregnancy experience but don’t want to have any more children of their own. Therefore, surrogacy is the perfect solution. If you’re in this situation, surrogacy may be the right path for you.

5. You are ready to commit to the demands of surrogacy.

Surrogacy involves an extensive medical process and, often, the whole journey takes a year or longer. If you want to become a surrogate, you should be ready to work with intended parents for that long and understand that your own life may need to change in order for that to happen (for example, taking time off work or being unable to spend as much time with your family).

6. You are an organized person.

As mentioned, being a surrogate requires many different appointments, as well as medication, meetings with your surrogacy specialist, and more. A good surrogate can stay organized and on top of all of these requirements without becoming overwhelmed.

7. Your spouse supports your surrogacy decision.

While you are the one carrying someone else’s baby, your decision will directly affect your spouse, as well. You will be required to attend many appointments, and your spouse may need to take on additional responsibilities when you can’t perform your usual parental duties. Therefore, it’s critical that your spouse supports your decision and is ready for the challenges that may accompany it.

8. Your friends and family support you.

Just as your spouse will be required to take on additional responsibilities, you may find yourself leaning on friends and family members for help, too. Every surrogate should identify a surrogacy support system before beginning the process to ensure she has the assistance she may need for childcare, transportation, house-keeping, etc.

9. You are financially stable.

While being a surrogate does qualify you for surrogate compensation, the manner in which the compensation is dispensed means that you should be financially independent before starting the surrogacy journey. Women who are solely interested in surrogacy for the financial aspect usually won’t make great surrogates; instead, women who understand compensation is an added bonus to helping create a family will be ideal candidates.

10. You want to help create a family.

Above all else, the best quality for a prospective surrogate to have is the altruistic and generous desire to help create a family where there may not have been one before. Indeed, this desire is a requirement for becoming a surrogate, and many surrogacy professionals will ask about this if you’re considering becoming a surrogate. If you, like many surrogates, have wanted to help create families for a long time, surrogacy will be the perfect path for you.

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While these are important signs that a woman will make a great surrogate, they are also just a few of the qualifications of surrogacy. To learn more about whether you will be a good surrogate with American Surrogacy, contact a surrogacy specialist to discuss the specifics of our surrogacy program.

33 Questions to Ask Intended Parents as a Surrogate

Prospective surrogates who are waiting for a match often ask, “What questions do I ask intended parents?”

As you prepare for your initial conversation with the intended parents, your surrogacy specialist will give you all the important details you need to know about them and their situation. She will also help you gather a list of questions, offering suggestions of both what to ask and what not to ask.

Ultimately, you’ll want to ask the questions that you are most interested in and that will help you determine whether these are the right intended parents for you. To help you out, we’ve listed a few of the important questions you might considering asking:

About the Intended Parents

What kind of things do you like to do? What are your interests?
What are your personality types? What do you like best about each other?
What do you do for a living?
What is your immediate and extended family like? Are they supportive of your surrogacy plans?
What are your values? What’s important to you?
If you’re speaking with a couple: How did you two meet? What is your “love story?”

About Their Surrogacy Goals

Why did you decide on surrogacy? Why do you think it’s the best choice for you?
How committed are you to the surrogacy process?
When did you start your surrogacy process?
What are you looking for in a relationship with a surrogate before, during and after the surrogacy process?
What do you want to know about me as a prospective surrogate?
How many embryo transfers do you think you will attempt? And how many embryos do you want to transfer at a time?
Are you using your own embryo, egg or sperm?
Are you willing to get to know my partner and children during the surrogacy process?
What are your thoughts on selective reduction and termination?
Do you have certain surrogacy, legal or medical professionals in mind for your surrogacy?
How do you plan to be involved during the surrogacy process?
Who do you want to be in the hospital room when I give birth?
Would you like me to pump breast milk for your baby after birth?

About Their Parenthood Plans

What kind of parents do you see yourselves being?
What do you plan to tell your child about their surrogacy?
What do you plan to tell your child about me if I am your surrogate?
How else will you incorporate surrogacy into your child’s life?
Do you want to have more children, or will this be your only child?
If this surrogacy is successful, would you consider completing another, or would you use another method to add to your family?
What are you most looking forward to about being parents?

A first conversation with intended parents need not include all of these questions, by any means. Prospective surrogates should choose the topics that are most important to them for an initial meeting, which many describe as similar to a first date.

You will have the chance for more conversations after, and a lot of the detailed, more complicated questions can be addressed during those and during your legal contract negotiation.

For more advice on how to prepare for this first conversation with possible intended parents, contact your surrogacy specialist today at 1-800-875-2229.

10 Steps for Proper Self-Care During the Surrogacy Process

Whether you’re waiting to become an intended parent or become a surrogate, this part of your surrogacy journey can be tough. In most cases, there is not much you can do and the work is left up to your professionals to get you approved and matched to start the process. And, even after this is done, there will be more waiting during the pregnancy part of the surrogacy process.

Wherever you are in the waiting periods of your surrogacy, it’s important that you take the necessary steps to care for yourself along the way. Surrogacy is an emotional journey and, if you don’t address your emotions and take the time for self-care early, these emotions can quickly become more difficult issues to overcome.

Remember, your surrogacy specialist at American Surrogacy will always be available to talk you through whatever you may be feeling during your surrogacy experience and suggest any resources that may help.

You can always take time for yourself through some simple self-care routines, like:

1. Working out — or going for a simple walk.

Exercise boosts endorphins so, if you’re feeling blue or overwhelmed during your surrogacy journey, a breath of fresh air and getting your blood pumping can help put you back in a positive mindset.

2. Journaling your feelings.

Surrogacy involves a lot of complicated steps that come with complex emotions, no matter whether you’re a prospective surrogate or an intended parent. Sometimes, it can be difficult to verbalize these feelings, and you might find a release in writing your thoughts and feelings down in a journal just for yourself.

3. Talking to your partner or another close friend.

On the other hand, if you want someone to bounce your thoughts off (other than your surrogacy specialist), you may try talking with a close friend or family member. While they may not understand exactly what you are going through, they can usually offer empathy and sympathy and help you talk through your feelings.

4. Treating yourself to something special.

The surrogacy process can be a draining one that leaves many surrogates and intended parents stressed out. To counteract that, consider doing something nice for yourself — take a long bath, buy yourself your favorite meal, or see that movie you’ve always wanted to see. Your focus doesn’t need to be — and shouldn’t be — on surrogacy every minute of the day.

5. Reconnecting with your partner, if applicable.

Surrogacy can take a lot out of spouses and, to keep a healthy relationship, you’ll need to focus on something other than surrogacy for a bit. Whether it’s going on a fancy, romantic date night or doing a fun activity together, take some time to reconnect with your spouse and express your love and appreciation for each other.

6. Being unafraid to say “no.”

The surrogacy process will likely take a lot of your time and energy, and you shouldn’t feel bad about not being able to live the same life as before. If you are feeling stressed about attending events or doing certain things you used to before you started your surrogacy journey, don’t be. “No” can be one of the best words for someone to learn as part of their self-care routine.

7. Taking a break when you need it.

Even those who are not going through the surrogacy process can’t be perfect all the time — and you shouldn’t be, either. Whenever you need to take a break (for example: meditating silently or removing yourself from a certain situation), do it. Your mental health will thank you.

8. Eating and drinking well.

Your mental health isn’t the only thing self-care will help; you should also take steps to maintain your physical health as well. In addition to exercising, this means feeding your body the healthy food it craves and staying well hydrated. The better you feel physically, the clearer your mind and your emotions will be as you pursue the surrogacy process.

9. Getting the sleep you need.

On the same note, a full night’s sleep is integral to a healthy body and mind. A lack of sleep causes a lack of focus and a negative attitude. An appropriate amount of sleep, on the other hand, can help you avoid illness and give you a more positive outlook, even when things seem difficult.

10. Take it day by day.

By its very nature, surrogacy is a process that looks to the future, when intended parents finally have the baby they’ve been dreaming about and a surrogate has finally helped build another family. However, focusing on these long-term goals can be equally as draining as they are exciting. To stay positive, surrogacy specialists encourage intended parents and surrogates to focus on small, daily goals to make the process seem more achievable at various points in the process.

10 Things Surrogates Wished They Knew Before Starting

Becoming a surrogate is a big decision, especially for those who are first-timers with no idea of what to expect. While surrogacy professionals can provide a good idea of the process ahead of you, sometimes it’s best to learn about the process from those who have actually been through it — women just like you.

Your surrogacy specialist at American Surrogacy can help connect you to former surrogates if you want to learn about the ins and outs from someone who’s been there, and you might choose to join surrogacy support groups to find out more about every little detail.

To help you with your surrogacy research, we’ve gathered 10 things that prospective surrogates wish they had really understood before they started the surrogacy process for the first time.

1. If you’re a first-time surrogate, a surrogacy agency can provide all the answers you need.

Surrogacy is a complicated process, and entering into an independent surrogacy for your first experience can be intimidating and stressful. A surrogacy agency, on the other hand, can provide all of the information you need to know as well as case management services to help you through every step of your surrogacy journey.

An independent surrogacy may work for some first-time surrogates, but we encourage you to at least speak to a surrogacy agency before making this decision.

2. You can wait as long as you need to for the right match.

Finding the right intended parents is a huge part of your surrogacy experience. After all, these are the people who you will intimately work with for the next year or more, and it’s important that you are comfortable with them. You should never feel rushed to match with intended parents before you’re ready. Don’t be afraid to take the time you need to find someone who meets your expectations.

3. There are a lot of medications you’ll need to take.

In order to prepare a woman’s body for an embryo transfer, a doctor will prescribe many different fertility medications — some of which are taken orally and others taken via shots. When you become a surrogate, you’ll need to commit to taking these medications, which usually only result in minor side effects like bruising. The fertility clinic can describe this process to you in more depth before you commit to being a surrogate.

4. There are a lot of doctor’s appointments — before and after transfer.

Make sure you’re comfortable with your fertility clinic and obstetrician — because you’ll be seeing them a lot throughout your surrogacy journey. Before transfer, your doctor will need to evaluate your hormone levels, and it’s not uncommon to go to the doctor at least twice a week before you’re even pregnant. Be prepared for rescheduling your day-to-day life so you can fit these visits in.

5. Your personal medical history will become common knowledge during your surrogacy process.

As you go through the surrogacy medical process, your surrogacy professionals and your intended parents will be intimately involved. This means that you will quickly become comfortable with sharing your medical information and procedures with them. Remember, they’re just focusing on helping create a successful pregnancy, and any embarrassment will be short-lived.

6. You will carry the intended parents’ emotions as well as your own.

Surrogacy is an emotionally complicated time, especially when you’re carrying the hopes — and fears — of the intended parents along your journey. This can be overwhelming, but remember that your surrogacy specialist will always be available to talk you through any difficult emotions you may have.

7. You will get insensitive comments or questions.

When you become a surrogate, you will receive questions and comments from those who are unfamiliar with the surrogacy process. In a way, you become an ambassador for surrogacy. You may be unsure of how to address these comments, but your surrogacy specialist can help you prepare for these conversations.

8. You must have a separate lawyer from the intended parents.

Even if you and intended parents already have a solid relationship, each of you must be represented by a separate lawyer during the surrogacy contract phase. This is to ensure that all of your rights and interests are protected, even ones that you may not consider to be a huge deal at the beginning. Remember, the costs of a lawyer will be completely free to you.

9. It may not always work out the first time.

While your surrogacy professionals will take every step to ensure a successful embryo transfer and pregnancy, sometimes things happen that require you to start over. This is not uncommon, and it may be disappointing to enter into the surrogacy process expecting everything to go perfectly. There may be some hiccups along the way, but your surrogacy specialist will help you recover from these as smoothly as possible.

10. Surrogacy will truly change your life.

Many women go into surrogacy wanting to help change intended parents’ lives and make their dreams come true, but they often don’t realize how much it will change their own life. Surrogates can develop a whole new perspective on life and leave the surrogacy process having created lifelong friendships. As difficult as parts of the surrogacy journey may be, it’s one that women positively remember for the rest of their lives.

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What did you wish you knew before the surrogacy process, or what do you want to know before you start? Comment on this post or contact a surrogacy specialist today at 1-800-875-2229(BABY).

5 Holiday Gift Ideas for Surrogates and Intended Parents

Intended parents and surrogates are forever connected to each other when they complete a surrogacy process together, and it’s only natural to think of each other during family-focused times like the holidays. Like you would with any other loved one, you may wish to send them a little something to let them know you’re thinking of them during this time of the year.

But, what are appropriate holiday gifts for intended parents and surrogates?

The answer to this will likely depend on your individual relationship with each other. If an intended parent and surrogate are close, they may wish to send more personal, special gifts than an intended parent and surrogate who have not maintained a close relationship after the baby has been born. Remember, no intended parent or surrogate is ever obligated to send gifts to their surrogacy partner during the holiday season. For many, the gift of building a family is present enough.

However, if you are looking to send a little something during the holidays to your intended parents or surrogate, there are a couple of ideas to consider:

1. A Holiday Card and Family Update

One of the easiest and most personal things that you can do for your intended parent or surrogate is send them a holiday card at this time of year. Many people already create a holiday card and family update letter anyway, and choosing to add your surrogacy partner to the list of recipients will let them know you’ve been thinking about them. Surrogacy is a life-changing journey for both sides, and intended parents and surrogates wonder about the other’s lives and how they are doing. A holiday card is a great way for them to be updated on any family changes and important milestones and feel remembered and cherished.

2. A Personalized Gift Basket

Gift baskets don’t always have to be extravagant. Think about where your intended parents or surrogate is at in their life now, and try to create a personalized collection of items that they may enjoy. For example, brand-new intended parents might appreciate holiday items that commemorate “baby’s first Christmas.” A surrogate who has just completed her pregnancy may like a special photo frame commemorating her journey. If nothing else, a small basket of holiday treats is always appreciated.

3. A Sentimental Accessory

Because surrogacy is such a life-changing journey, intended parents and surrogates carry around their experience with them for the rest of their lives. They can also physically carry a memento of their surrogacy experience through a personalized accessory, like a necklace with the baby’s birthstone or a watch with the baby’s birthdate engraved. You can always speak to your surrogacy specialist to find out what kind of jewelry and accessories are appropriate and for ideas on how to personalize your holiday gift.

4. Flower or Edible Fruit Arrangements

Arrangements always bring happiness and brightness to a household, and this can be a great holiday gift idea for your surrogate or intended parent. Accompanied with a heartfelt note, these kinds of gifts are sure to bring a smile to your surrogate’s or intended parents’ faces.

5. Surrogacy-Specific Gifts

If a surrogate and intended parent are still in the midst of the surrogacy process during the holidays, they may choose to send each other small surrogacy-specific gifts. A surrogate may enjoy gifts that allude to her “superpower” as a surrogate, while intended parents may appreciate décor with surrogacy phrases or gifts for their baby, like an ornament with the baby’s sonogram picture. Etsy is a great resource for these kind of gifts. You can also find great ideas for surrogacy-specific gifts through surrogacy support groups and other intended parents and surrogates.

Whatever kind of holiday gift you choose to get your intended parents or surrogate, what matters is that you put thought and care into it. Don’t ever feel pressured to get an expensive, elaborate gift; oftentimes, it’s small things like pictures and emails that mean the most to surrogates and intended parents. After all, the holidays are all about love — and just knowing that you’re on the mind of your surrogacy partner will mean a lot.

What Does Religion Say About the Morality of Surrogacy?

Hopeful parents thinking about surrogacy have many things to consider before embarking on this life-changing journey. For those with a strong faith, they may need to consider how their religion will factor into their surrogacy process, as well.

Religion and any kind of assisted reproductive technology has always been a complicated issue. Many faiths emphasize the importance of a husband and wife conceiving naturally on their own, and involving anyone else in this process can be viewed as unholy.

However, as infertility and IVF become more everyday topics of conversation, many religious people have begun to change their views on what is acceptable within their faith — recognizing that it’s having a family that’s more important than the process behind it.

Religious Views on Surrogacy

Each faith is different and, therefore, what your faith may say about assisted reproductive technology and surrogacy may differ from what’s written below — based on your personal beliefs and that of your local congregation and religious leaders.

In general, here is how some major faiths view surrogacy:

Catholicism: While surrogacy is present in the Book of Genesis with the story of Sarah and Abraham, the Catholic Church does not advocate for surrogacy. Instead, the Church teaches that children are a gift from God, only to be conceived and carried naturally by a married husband and wife. Any addition of a third party to this process is considered immoral.
Protestantism: Because there are many different factions of Protestantism, views of the surrogacy practice will vary. However, these sects of Christianity are usually more liberal, and surrogacy and other assisted reproductive technology may be more accepted among certain religious groups.
Judaism: Like with other faiths, more conservative Jewish factions do not approve of surrogacy. In vitro fertilization can be completed under rabbinical supervision, but there is a complicated discussion regarding the heritage of a child born via egg donor (as Jewish heritage is matrilineal). More liberal religious thinkers may accept surrogacy as a way to ease the suffering of infertile couples.
Islam: Muslim views of surrogacy can be wide-varying. Some scholars argue that the process is akin to adultery and that the child has no legal lineage, while others claim that surrogacy is an integral part of the belief that humans have a responsibility to preserve the human species however they can. Some more modern Muslims believe that IVF and surrogacy is allowable as long as semen and ovum are from a married couple, while Sunni Muslims believe no third-party assistance should be permissible.
Buddhism: Surrogacy is completely accepted in Buddhism, mainly because procreation is not seen as a moral duty. Therefore, couples are under no obligation to have children and, when they do, they can do so through whatever way they deem fit.
Hinduism: Like many faiths, Hinduism and its views on surrogacy vary. In general, infertility treatments can be allowable, like through artificial insemination if the sperm is the husband’s. It’s important to note that surrogacy in India is a thriving industry, and many of the surrogates there are of Hindu faith.

Reconciling Surrogacy with Your Religious Beliefs

Because many religions were established thousands of years before IVF or gestational surrogacy could even be imagined, it can be difficult to determine whether surrogacy is really ethical for your religious beliefs.

Remember that all properly completed surrogacy processes protect the rights of both intended parents and surrogates in an ethical way, and both parties enter into the agreement together. It can be difficult to reconcile this positive process with something that many believe to be against their god’s will, especially if having children is so important to a certain religious culture.

If you are concerned about how your religious faith may play into your surrogacy process, we encourage you to speak to a trusted religious leader and other intended parents or surrogates who have been through the same process. They may be able to help you sort out your feelings and understand exactly what you feel is right and wrong about pursuing surrogacy with your religious convictions.

A surrogacy specialist can also speak to you about the American Surrogacy process so you can determine how it may affect your religious beliefs. There are also several faith-based surrogacy agencies specifically designed to address this family-building process from a religious standpoint.

Determining whether surrogacy is right for you is always a process that takes time, and considering your faith is an important part of this. We encourage intended parents and prospective surrogates to take the time they need to make the best decision for them and, if they have any questions, to contact us at 1-800-875-2229(BABY) today.

How Your Surrogacy Journey Will Affect Your Spouse

When you become a surrogate, you’re making one of the greatest commitments you can possibly make. But, as much as you will dedicate your time and energy to helping create another family, it’s also important to recognize that your decision will also impact your own family, especially your spouse.

Women today are required to be raising their own children before pursuing this process, and many also have a partner who will be intimately involved in the journey, as well. Therefore, if you’re considering becoming a surrogate, you’ll need to take extra steps to involve your spouse and children to make sure they’re comfortable and understand exactly what your surrogacy decision will mean for them. For many women, surrogacy is not a choice they make solely on their own — but with their spouse’s help.

What Surrogacy Will Mean for Your Spouse

As mentioned, being a surrogate is a huge commitment, and it will greatly impact the lives of all your family members. When you’re raising children with your partner, necessary work and responsibilities will have to be rebalanced — which is why your spouse should be on board with your surrogacy decision from the start.

Like many pregnant women, you will likely have days where you don’t have as much energy or feel as well as you normally do. Activities that you usually take care of or share with your spouse, like cleaning and watching the children, may seem impossible. Your spouse will need to take on those extra responsibilities during that time. In addition, if you are placed on bed rest or required to miss a great deal of work, this can add to the practical and financial responsibilities for your spouse.

You may also have doctor-mandated restrictions on intimacy, especially when you are preparing for your embryo transfer process. Because you will have heightened fertility, any sexual intercourse with your spouse will be more likely to lead to pregnancy — but not the kind you want. If you’re part of a lesbian couple, talk to your doctor about what intimacy restrictions you may need to adhere to. In addition, just like any pregnant woman, your energy and libido may take a hit during this process, which may mean you’re less interested in physical intimacy. This can very easily drive a wedge between couples, so make sure to address this with proper communication.

Keeping Your Relationship Strong

Your spouse is likely your go-to support system in all other areas of your life, and it should be the same during the surrogacy process. However, because surrogacy is such an emotional journey, it may be difficult to keep the same relationship you’ve always had during potential hard and stressful times. This is why it’s so important that you keep your partner involved, so they feel a real part of the process.

To keep a strong relationship with your spouse, try to follow these tips:

Ask him or her to come to doctor’s appointments with you, meet the intended parents and be there for the baby’s birth.
Talk with your partner throughout the surrogacy process, even when things get tough.
Speak with a counselor if you’re struggling to communicate effectively.
Focus on the positives, like the surrogate compensation you may be using for a large financial gain, like a down payment on a house.
Remember that your surrogacy journey is only temporary; maybe plan a special trip or event after you are recovered from your pregnancy.
Lean on others, like friends and family and other surrogate couples, for support and assistance.

Perhaps most important is something you do before you even begin the surrogacy process — discussing its possibility with your spouse and making sure they support you from the very beginning. Without this support, your surrogacy process will become complicated and could have lasting effects on your relationship. If you are having difficulties explaining the process and your decision to your spouse, you can always contact your surrogacy specialist. She will be happy to help you through this conversation and answer any other questions that your partner may have.

Remember, the most successful surrogates go through the surrogacy process with the full support of their spouse, who is just as excited to be part of such a beautiful, family-building journey. With the proper communication, preparation and dedication, you and your spouse will create a life-changing memory of doing something good that you’ll cherish forever.

21 Surrogacy Quotes to Share Today

Surrogacy is an emotional journey, full of ups and downs on the way to creating a family. Perhaps the best way to capture these feelings is through surrogacy quotes.

Many times, these surrogacy quotes and phrases capture exactly what intended parents and surrogates are feeling but can’t quite articulate themselves. They’re also easy to share — a way for you to express your own feelings about the beauty of surrogacy and what the process means to you.

To find surrogacy quotes, all you need to do is search for them on any social media site you can imagine. We’ve gathered a few of our favorites here for you to read and share.

For Surrogates

“You have never really lived until you have done something for someone who can never repay you.”

“If you have the power to make someone happy, do it. The world needs more of that.”

“It is more blessed to give than receive.” — Acts 20:35

“The greatest good is what we do for one another.” — Mother Teresa

For Intended Parents

“Life has a funny way of working out just when you start believing it never will.”

“If something is important enough, even if the odds are against you, you should still do it.”

“However motherhood comes to you, it’s a miracle.”

“How your baby came into the world is far less important than the fact that she’s here.”

For Everyone

“Never give up on something you can’t go a day without thinking about.”

“Even miracles take a little time.”

“Take it all one day at a time and enjoy the journey.”

“You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it.”

What are some of your favorite surrogacy quotes? Let us know in the comments, and feel free to share our photo quotes!