Surrogates | American Surrogacy Blog

5 Things Women Wished They Knew Before Becoming Surrogates

The opportunity to become a surrogate is a life-changing experience, not only for yourself, but for the family whose lives you’ll touch in countless ways. By now, you’ve probably starting doing your own research about what to expect from the surrogacy process. But there are probably a few things that you haven’t come across yet that can make your experience a whole lot easier.

If you haven’t started your surrogacy journey yet, but you’d like to learn more about the process, we’d be happy to answer your questions. Please call 1-800-875-2229 to get more information from our specialists.

You can also follow our Instagram to hear directly from surrogates about what their journey was like to help others realize their dreams of becoming parents.

Before you start this journey, we’ve compiled a list of 5 things other women wished they knew about what it’s really like to become a surrogate.

1) You Won’t Get Paid ASAP

There are a lot of misconceptions about surrogacy, and some of it surrounds the compensation you’ll receive. It might seem obvious, but signing up to become a surrogate is not something that just any woman can apply for, be approved for and get paid for right up front. In fact, most surrogacy agreements are spread out over the course of the pregnancy.

2) The Screening Process is Surprisingly Intense

The process and requirements to become a surrogate takes a lot longer and is more intense than most people expect. On average, for every 20 women who apply to become a surrogate only two will actually qualify. In this long list of requirements, some of the things your agency will be checking are:

Proof that you’re financially secure
That you already have children who you are currently raising
If you have a partner that you have their consent to start the process
That you have a strong support system
And much more

Signing up to become a surrogate basically means that everything in your life will be under a microscope. It’s safe to say that going through all of these steps can be kind of daunting.

3) There are a Ton of Steps to Prepare Your Body

Not only do you have to go through an arduous screening process that involves tons of paperwork, on top of mentally and emotionally preparing yourself to become a surrogate you’ll also have to get your body ready for the embryo transfer.

Like the screening process, preparing your body will involve a lot of steps. Once you start the process, you’ll be going through different medications to prepare your body for pregnancy, so think pills, patches and injections. The injections, which you’ll have to administer yourself, have to be taken on a very strict schedule for the first 12 weeks. Additionally, you’ll have to undergo weekly blood tests and ultrasounds to make sure everything looks okay. All of this physical stress can be a lot to go through, and it’s just one of the many reasons why surrogacy is definitely not an easy job.

3) You’ll Become Attached to the Intended Parent’s Journey

Building a relationship with your intended parents is an exciting step. So, it only makes sense that, over time, you’ll become personally invested in their journey to become parents. This means that you’ll feel for them throughout the rollercoaster of emotions during the embryo transfer process, the pregnancy and beyond. Many surrogates and intended parents are surprised to find that, at the end of the journey, they not only brought a person into the world together — they formed lasting friendships.

4) You’ll Need to Be Ready to Communicate

Due to the nature of surrogacy, there are a lot of things out of the intended parents’ control. While they’re going to be trying to keep themselves busy so that the pregnancy isn’t the only thing they’re thinking about, and of course building a relationship with you, it never hurts to communicate as much as you can. And doing what you can to reassure them can help you build a stronger relationship, too.

5) You Might Decide to Pursue Surrogacy Again

The feeling of being able to help another family grow their own is indescribable. After seeing how they’ve changed someone else’s life, many women come out with a positive experience with gestational surrogacy, and might even come back multiple times to help someone else build their family. If you were initially only planning to pursue surrogacy once, you might be surprised with to find that you’re ready to do it again.

What Else Should I Know?

Becoming a surrogate is a huge and monumental journey and it’s one that will change your life in many unexpected ways. If you’re thinking about starting this journey, we hope that this list of things to know has helped. And as always, if you have any questions about what it’s like to become a surrogate, we’d be happy to help answer them.

The Gestational Surrogate’s Guide to Taxes

The due dates for taxes are just around the corner, which means that it’s time to start gathering all the essential forms. But before you get started on filling out your important information, you’re probably starting to wonder if surrogate mothers have to pay taxes on any compensation they receive.

The answer to that question can be a little tricky. After all, figuring out what you need for your taxes can be frustrating even without having to throw gestational surrogacy into the mix. But with the help of this guide, we’re sure that you’ll find the answer you’re looking for.

Before we get too deep into the article, we want to give a quick word of warning: While we have tried our best to provide most if not all the information you need for this busy season, this article should not be taken as legal or financial advice. We strongly recommend that you speak with a local tax accountant before making any decisions.

Looking to talk to someone who can offer help right away? We’re here to help! Please call 1-800-875-2229 or fill out our free information form to get information from one of our specialists.

Do Surrogate Mothers Have to Claim Income?

If you’ve already received your surrogacy compensation recently, then it’s normal to start wondering about potential taxes on them – especially considering that the typical amount you can receive is tens of thousands of dollars. Now that April is almost here, figuring out whether or not you have to claim it as income will make a huge difference in how you do your taxes.

The answer to this question really comes down to whether or not you receive a 1099 — the form commonly used by independent contractors and those who are self-employed. If you receive a 1099-MISC from your intended parents, your surrogacy specialist, or escrow service, then you will definitely need to claim to your compensation as income. And once it is claimed as income, it’s considered taxable.

But What Happens if I Don’t Receive a 1099? [What You Should Know]

If you end up receiving a 1099, then a lot of the guesswork is taken out for you because you’ll know you’ll need to claim your compensation as income. But if you don’t receive a 1099, is that money still considered taxable?

The answer to this question really depends. Ideally, you’ll want to start talking about potential taxes with your attorney way before you receive your actually compensation, which should happen when you draft your surrogacy contract. A good surrogacy attorney will talk with you in depth about what you need to know about what taxes (if any) you’ll need to pay on your compensation and about the legal process.

Most of the time, a surrogacy attorney will be able to find a reason to prevent a gestational surrogate from needing to pay taxes on their compensation. But it all comes down to how your compensation is addressed in your contract.

But Can’t Surrogacy Compensation be Considered a Gift? [Other Questions to Ask]

If you’ve gotten a head start on your research for tax season, then you might have come across different terms that might make it so that you’re exempt from having to pay taxes on surrogacy compensation. These situations vary widely, as some surrogate agencies and sources cite one opinion over the other.

However, there are a few instances in which your compensation might not be tax-exempt. These are:

Gift: In some cases, your account can avoid some of the taxes by claiming them as a gift from the intended parents. But it’s important to keep in mind that the amount of compensation that you’ll receive is usually higher than the amount you’ll be exempt from. So, you might end up paying a portion of your taxes from your compensation.

Pain and Suffering: There are some sources, surrogacy professionals, and accountants that believe that if any compensation was received for pain and suffering, then the income can be considered non-taxable under Sec 104 of the Internal Revenue Code (IRC). However, surrogacy doesn’t exactly meet the list of excludable injuries listed under the section, such as someone who has experience some form of bodily injury or another type of accident, such as a burglary. So, whether or not surrogacy compensation can actually be claimed for “pain and suffering” and is therefore tax-exempt if a surrogate enters her contract willingly is still pretty divisive.

Pre-Birth Child Support: Because child-support payments are exempt from taxes, there are some attorneys that word surrogacy compensation as pre-birth child support in order to avoid tax liability. But how well this reason will hold up in court is still debatable.

Who Should I Talk to Next?

Getting your taxes done can be frustrating at the best of times. But just because it’s difficult doesn’t mean that it’s impossible.

Speaking with other surrogates who have successfully navigated this process in the past could help provide some insight. Connect with other surrogates through our social media network.

Before you get started on your taxes, it’s a good idea to speak with a financial advisor, or a surrogacy specialist who can help answer your questions about any potential taxes for your compensation.

Should You Get the COVID-19 Vaccine If You’re Pregnant?

On December 16, 2020, the American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM) released a statement for people who are pregnant or who are planning to get pregnant regarding the COVID-19 vaccine. This has significant meaning for gestational surrogates and intended parents, who were previously in a wait-and-see holding pattern.

The statement says that pregnant people, and anyone planning to get pregnant, cango ahead and get vaccinated — as long as your health provider gives you the OK to do so.

Ultimately, you’re free to choose whether or not you get vaccinated. It’s a discussion that intended parents and gestational surrogates should have, along with their American Surrogacy specialist.

If you’re (understandably) nervous about COVID or about getting the COVID-19 vaccine, this guide will help gestational surrogates and intended parents to make a decision on what’s best for them, and for the baby. Please note: You should still talk to your doctor first! They can offer you medical advice based on your individual situation.

COVID-19 Vaccine Basics

Here’s a brief introductory lesson on the COVID-19 vaccine, and some considerations for surrogates and intended parents:

As you probably know, pregnant women are at a greater risk for becoming seriously sick as a result of COVID-19.
Two different pharmaceutical companies, Moderna and Pfizer, have produced COVID-19 vaccines — both are about 95% effective. You probably won’t be able to choose which one you receive.
More vaccines are on the way, and they will also probably be safe for pregnant women.
The vaccine requires two doses, administered 21-28 days apart, depending on which vaccine you receive.
You will need to receive both doses of the vaccine in order for it to be effective.
The first shot is a primer and then the second is a booster shot.
The vaccine does not contain the live virus itself, and cannot give you COVID-19.
You will need to continue wearing your mask, practicing good hand-washing and hygiene habits and social distancing even after you’ve received both doses of the vaccine.
Common side effects include injection site pain, fatigue, headache, muscle and join pain. A handful of people have experienced fevers or allergic reactions. You may want to consider taking a day off to rest up after receiving the booster dose — some recipients say they feel a bit tired and achy for a day or two.
Vaccine side effects are a sign that your immune system is working as it should, not a sign that a vaccine isn’t working or that something is wrong. However, monitor how you feel after receiving the vaccine, and call your doctor if you’re worried.
If you’ve had a severe allergic reaction to a vaccine in the past, you should check with your doctor before getting the COVID vaccine.
Pregnant people were not included in the testing groups for the vaccine, which was why health organizations were initially wary to conclusively state that the vaccine was safe for pregnant women. However, so far there have been no harmful effects for pregnant women or for fetuses, and these organizations have concluded that the likely benefits outweigh the unlikely risks. Because the vaccine does not include the live virus, experts have little reason to believe that the vaccine would be harmful to pregnant women or to unborn babies. But, we understand the lack of data may be too great a worry for you.
There are still some unknowns, like how long the vaccine protects you, whether it can protect you against an asymptomatic infection, or if you can transmit the virus if you do become infected and are asymptomatic.

Ultimately, when weighing the potential pros and cons, experts say that it’s fine to get the vaccine when it’s available to you. That being said, you should always consult with your doctor before getting vaccinated, especially if you are pregnant or are planning to get pregnant as a gestational surrogate!

Gestational surrogates and intended parents should also talk about the choice to get vaccinated with their American Surrogacy specialist. It’s important for you all to be on the same page.

What the ASRM Says About Pregnancy and the Vaccine

In the statement released December 16 of 2020, the American Society for Reproductive had this to say to anyone who is pregnant (or plans to become pregnant):

“The Task Force does not recommend withholding the vaccine from patients who are planning to conceive, who are currently pregnant, or who are lactating. These recommendations are in line with those of the Advisory Committee for Immunization Practices (ACIP) of the U.S. Centers for Disease Prevention and Control (CDC), the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG), and the Society for Maternal-Fetal Medicine (SMFM).”

What that means for you: The general consensus among professionals who are responsible for the health of pregnant women and fetuses is that the vaccine can be administered to surrogates.

“Patients undergoing fertility treatment and pregnant patients should be encouraged to receive vaccination based on eligibility criteria. Since the vaccine is not a live virus, there is no reason to delay pregnancy attempts because of vaccination administration or to defer treatment until the second dose has been administered.”

What that means for you: Getting vaccinated is still likely safe for surrogates who are currently undergoing, or are planning to undergo fertility treatments, IVF, embryo transfers and pregnancy. It’s also probably safe for intended parents planning to harvest their gametes for the surrogacy journey. Wherever you’re at in your surrogacy journey, that journey will not be affected or delayed if you choose to receive a COVID vaccine.

“Recent studies have suggested that pregnancy is a risk factor for severe COVID-19 disease. Furthermore, many women who are pregnant or contemplating pregnancy have additional risk factors such as obesity, hypertension or diabetes which may further increase the chance of severe disease from COVID-19 infection. These considerations should be included in decisions regarding vaccination.”

What that means for you: As you probably know, pregnant women have a higher risk of experiencing severe COVID-19 symptoms. This will be a factor in the conversation with your doctor about getting vaccinated.

“Because COVID-19 mRNA vaccines are not composed of live virus, they are not thought to cause an increased risk of infertility, first or second trimester loss, stillbirth, or congenital anomalies. It should be noted that pregnant and lactating women were excluded from the initial phase III trials of these two vaccines, so specific safety data in these populations are not yet available and further studies are planned. However, the mechanism of action of mRNA vaccines and existing safety data provide reassurance regarding the safety of COVID-19 mRNA vaccines during pregnancy. The FDA EUA letter permits the vaccination of pregnant and breastfeeding individuals with a requirement that the company engage in post-authorization observational studies in pregnancy.”

What that means for you: Even though pregnant women weren’t included in the original trials of the vaccine, this type of vaccine has been extensively studied and is generally considered safe for pregnant women and for the pregnancy itself. However, we understand the lack of data may give you pause.

“While COVID-19 vaccination can cause fever in some patients (up to 16% of those vaccinated and mostly after the second dose), this risk should not be a concern when deciding whether to vaccinate a pregnant individual or a patient desiring pregnancy. While fever in pregnancy (particularly the 1st trimester) has been associated with an increased risk of neural tube defects, a recent study demonstrated the association no longer remained significant if the patient is taking >400 mcg of folic acid daily. Another large Danish cohort study did not demonstrate any increased risk of congenital anomalies of those who reported fever in the first trimester. Additionally, the most common symptom of COVID-19 infection itself is fever (83-99% of affected patients). Patients who experience fever following vaccination should take an antipyretic medication, like acetaminophen.”

What that means for you: Even if a gestational surrogate experiences vaccine side effects like a fever, it shouldn’t harm the surrogate or the pregnancy, especially if you’re taking your recommended folic acid.

“Patients who conceive in the window between the first and second dose of the vaccine should be offered the second dose of the vaccine at the appropriate interval.”

What that means for you: It’s OK if you become pregnant in between your first and second dose. Go ahead and get your second vaccine dose as scheduled.

“Physicians should promote vaccination to patients, their communities, and to the public. Preliminary data suggests that those populations at greatest risk of severe disease from COVID-19 may also be the most hesitant to be vaccinated, and specific efforts to increase vaccine uptake in these communities should be undertaken.”

What that means for you: We know you’re worried about the health and safety of this pregnancy, as well as your own safety. But, after checking in with your doctor, you’re free to schedule your COVID vaccine as soon as it’s available to you. The benefits may outweigh the risks.

What American Surrogacy Recommends

We know that if you’re a gestational surrogate or an intended parent, or if you’re thinking about starting your surrogacy journey as a surrogate or parent, you’re probably worried about how COVID-19 affects your surrogacy journey. During a surrogacy journey, the gestational surrogate and intended parents worry about everything that goes into the surrogate’s body — everyone’s priority is the health and safety of the surrogate and baby.

With that top priority in mind, and with the recommendations of trusted health organizations, American Surrogacy joins in recommending that gestational surrogates can receive the COVID-19 vaccine, as long as the surrogate, the intended parents and the surrogate’s doctor are all comfortable with this. However, a COVID-19 vaccine is not currently required for our surrogates — the decision to receive the vaccine is still at the discretion of the surrogate, the intended parents and the surrogate’s doctor.

Wherever you’re currently at in your surrogacy journey, we suggest speaking to your doctor about getting vaccinated. Ask your doctor when a COVID-19 vaccine might be available to you, and ask if they think you might have any health conditions or risk factors that would make the vaccine inadvisable in your situation.

As long as your doctor and your surrogacy partners agree with this choice, you’re free to get the vaccine when it’s available to you. But, when in doubt, consult your American Surrogacy specialist!

To stay up to date with surrogacy advice, check in with our Instagram!

Everyone loves getting gift cards during the holiday season. They’re simple, and you can find them just about anywhere. But this year, you might think about donating to something other than your local restaurant’s or movie theatre’s cash fund.

If your friend or loved one is pursing surrogacy, even just a little bit of your financial support goes a long way toward making a difference in their surrogacy expenses. Like adoption, surrogacy is an expensive endeavor. It takes a lot of time, money and resources to make intended parents’ dreams of building a family a reality. If you decide to donate to their surrogacy fund, you could take a financial burden off their shoulders. burden off their shoulders.

4. Donating Your Time

The holidays are all about spending time together. It might seem like a small gift, but just your time can make a huge difference during someone’s surrogacy journey. Run their errands, offer babysitting services for their other children as they make their way to medical appointments, and more.

This can be a priceless gift for super busy people like your surrogate or intended parent. And having one stress-free day will make their surrogacy journey so much easier.

5. Giving Something Sentimental

The surrogacy journey will connect intended parents and surrogates together for years to come. If you are wondering what to give each other, it might be nice to either make or commission a gift that will remind you of your journey together. Consider a necklace that has the baby’s birthdate, a bracelet with the family’s initials, or some other personalized present.

6. Making a Homemade Treat

Over the last year, we’ve all had plenty of time to practice our baking and cooking skills. You’ve probably seen people on social media showing off their bread-making skills in the comfort of their own home. If you fall into that category, now is the time to show your loved ones how much you’ve learned.

Bring over some delicious bread, some handmade jam, or anything else that you think they might like.

7. Organizing a Personalized Gift Basket

You’ve probably seen gift baskets like Edible Arrangements, but you can also make your own gift basket for the special person in your life. Remember, it doesn’t need to be expensive or extravagant.

While you’re making your gift basket, think about where your loved one is at in their surrogacy journey. For example, if this is the intended parents’ first Christmas with their baby, they might want a few special items — like an ornament or figurine — that will help them commemorate this special day.

Likewise, think about where a surrogate is at in her pregnancy. If she’s just delivered, she might like something to commemorate the experience with the intended parents, as well as items for her postpartum recovery.

8. Putting Together a Memory Book

The surrogacy journey is full of ups and downs — just like any family-building experience. For this holiday season, you might decide to look back and create your own memory book of your surrogacy journey. Make a collection of your favorite pregnancy photos and or pictures of your child and put them in the book to share repeatedly.

Don’t forget a copy for your surrogacy partner!

9. Choosing Something for the Surrogate’s Family

If you’re the intended parent or the family of an intended parent, it could be nice to include a small gift for the surrogate and her family. Whether it’s something handmade or something you plan on buying, we’re sure you’ll find something special — like tickets to a local zoo or a movie night out.

10. Just Spending Time Together

Giving gifts is a wonderful part of the holidays. But it’s not the most important thing.

If you can, carve out some time to spend with the intended parents or the surrogate. Even if you choose to not spend any money, you can still have a great time with fun, family-friendly activities. Hold a talent show, a concert, or just watch a movie together from a distance.

—

It’s easy to get caught up in the holiday cheer and go all out with elaborate, expensive gifts. But the best gifts are the ones with the most thought put into them.

No matter what you decide to give your intended parents or surrogate, we know that they’ll appreciate it. If you put in the time and care to think about what they really want, you will make this holiday season one to remember.

Looking for more holiday gift ideas for your surrogacy partner? Follow our Instagram, or contact your surrogacy specialist for suggestions!

7 Ways to Show Gratitude for Your Surrogacy Journey

If you’re at the end of or have completed your surrogacy journey, then you’ve probably experienced many of the ups and downs that come with this life-changing experience. No one said building a family or helping someone else build their own would be easy, and it can be hard to look around and feel thankful when you’re in the middle of the journey’s challenges.

But, with Thanksgiving just around the corner, we’d like to share some ways that you can show gratitude for the amazing experience your surrogacy has been. Whether you’re an intended parent or a surrogate, here are seven ways that you can show how thankful you are for this incredible journey.

1. Reach out to Your Former Surrogacy Partner

Surrogacy is a life-changing process that connects people for many years to come. The holidays are a perfect time to reach out to your surrogacy partner and tell them how much they mean to you, how this journey has changed your life, and anything else you want to share. You might even give them a thoughtful gift during this holiday season. during this holiday season.

2. Send a Thank-You Note to Your Professionals

Surrogacy would not be possible without the hard work and dedication of the amazing specialists that work tirelessly every day to make your surrogacy dreams come true.

You can probably imagine just how much work they have on their plates. This Thanksgiving, take some time out of your day to write a thoughtful note letting your specialists know how much you appreciate them. Remind them that you’re thinking of them and let them know that their hard work has not gone unnoticed. Remind them that you’re thinking of them and let them know that their hard work has not gone unnoticed.

You might decide to mail them a handwritten card or write them a nice email thanking them for all that they do. However, you decide to do it, it will mean more than you know.

Don’t forget your surrogacy attorney or reproductive endocrinologists, either!

3. Have a Virtual Get-together

There’s no better time than Thanksgiving to spend time together with your favorite people, and that includes your surrogate or your intended parent(s).

Over the last few months, we’ve had to rely on video-chatting to stay in touch with everyone, so you should be a pro at it by now. If it’s been a while since you’ve chatted with your surrogacy partner, take some time to set up a get-together when everyone is free.

There are all kinds of video platforms that you can use, like Zoom, Google Hangout, and FaceTime. And, in accordance with the Thanksgiving season, you might set up a time to chat when you can enjoy a (virtual) meal together.

4. Share Your Positive Story

It might be surprising, but surrogacy is still relatively new to many people. If you’ve been through the surrogacy process, you may have a lot of wisdom to share. Why not share it with others who are interested in hearing what you have to say?

If you’re comfortable with the idea, you might decide to make your own blog post or share your story on social media. The best way to promote gestational surrogacy is to spread awareness and educate those who are interested.

If you’d like to share your story for American Surrogacy’s website, we’d love to hear it! Email your specialist to get started.

5. Help Others Who are Preparing for Surrogacy

Surrogacy might be new, but there are many people who are interested in starting this assisted reproduction method.

It’s possible that, over the course of your journey, you’ve met someone who’s interested in becoming a surrogate or an intended parent. It’s also possible that you’re their first experience with surrogacy ever. If they’re interested, take some time today to walk them through your experience and share what you’ve learned and how it’s changed you. You might also serve as a reference for them once they’re ready to take the plunge.

6. Create a Gratitude Journal

Writing is a fantastic hobby, and starting your own gratitude journal can be a great way to remind yourself of everything you have to be thankful for right now. You might not be ready to share your experiences with others yet, and that’s OK. You can share it when your loved ones when you’re ready or just keep it for yourself.

Take the time to write down five things that you’re grateful for once a week or as often as you think of ideas. Look back on those lists in hard times to remind yourself of all the good things you have going.

7. Set Aside Time Every Day to Be Grateful

Even if you don’t make your own gratitude journal, try to carve some time out of your day to be thankful for all that you have because of surrogacy. You might do this every morning or before you go to bed as you reflect on the previous day.

It sounds small, but taking the time to recharge and recenter yourself will make a world of difference. Just close your eyes, relax, and think of five things that you’re grateful for today.

We know that the surrogacy journey can be challenging. But just taking a couple minutes each day to think about all that you’re grateful for can get you ready for tomorrow.

Don’t forget: It doesn’t have to be Thanksgiving for you to take stock of your gratitude.

What are You Thankful For?

Whether you’re an intended parent or a surrogate, this journey will touch your life in unimaginable ways. Even though this year has been full of unexpected challenges, there are still plenty of ways that you can show your gratefulness for the journey past and the journey that lies ahead of you.

Take some time today to consider everything that you’re grateful for, and you’ll thank yourself later.

Find us on Instagram to learn more about surrogacy from intended parents and surrogates and how it changed their lives.

10 Answers to Nosy Questions and Comments: Surrogates

Even in the midst of the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic, friends and families will be finding ways to come together this holiday season, whether virtually or in-person. And, if you’re a woman in the middle of a gestational surrogacy journey, that means you’ll likely be on the receiving end of a slew of questions and comments from the family members you haven’t seen in a while. Unfortunately, their curiosity and opinion on your status as a gestational surrogate can get a little grating, or can even be downright insensitive.

So, help you handle the holiday season (and the resulting inquiries) as a gestational surrogate, here are 10 things you might hear and some ways in which you can respond:

1. “How much are you getting paid?”

It’s not considered polite to discuss financials in most situations. Most people wouldn’t casually ask each other how much they make in a year, or what their home cost.

It can also be frustrating that so many people focus on the compensation aspect of surrogacy, when it’s such a small part of your experience. Your motivations were altruistic and you want people to recognize that you’re doing this because you want to help a family.

Here are a few go-to responses:

“That’s confidential, per my surrogacy agreement.”
“I’m not actually doing it for the money.”
“That’s not your business.”

2. “Who’s baby is it?”

People are often curious about who the baby is biologically related to. Whether the intended parents are both biologically related to the baby or gamete donation was involved, it’s against your surrogacy agreement to breach their privacy. That question is also just something you wouldn’t ask people, normally, so it’s a bit annoying.

End the discussion with:

“Does it matter?”
“It’s the intended parents’ baby, regardless of genetics.”
“That’s not your business.”

3. “I could never carry a baby for 9 months and then give it up.”

This comment comes across as a little judgemental, self-centered and ignorant: All at once.

Feel free to answer with a firm:

“I’m just babysitting. Do you find it hard to give someone else’s kids back after babysitting?”
“Well, then, I guess that’s why you’re not a gestational surrogate and I am.”
“That’s not your business.”

4. “So, do you breastfeed the baby?”

People always want to know about how some of the more intimate aspects of childbirth play out in surrogacy situations. And then, they sometimes want to place their own opinions on these matters, even though it doesn’t concern them in any way.

You can just succinctly say:

“The intended parents have a nutrition plan set in place.”
“No. I may decide to pump for a while if they ask me to, but that’s our decision.”
“That’s not your business.”

5. “Can you keep the baby if you wanted to?”

Oh, boy.

Make sure you’re clear when you say:

“It’s not my baby. I’m giving it back, not ‘giving it away.’”
“No. It’s illegal and I wouldn’t want to, anyway.”
“That’s not your business.”

6. “Isn’t it hard on your kids and husband? Do they understand?”

If your family wasn’t on board with your decision to be a gestational surrogate, you wouldn’t even be answering these questions. But, most people don’t know that the support of a surrogate’s children and spouse are required to even start the gestational surrogacy process.

So, briefly explain:

“They understand perfectly well, and support me.”
“Their support was required and given before I even signed on to become a surrogate.”
“That’s not your business.”

7. “Why didn’t they just adopt?”

This question always betrays the person’s ignorance about the intricacies of the adoption process. Not to mention the fact that it seems to equate adoption with “saving” a child, which is a problematic attitude.

Break it down for them with a quick:

“It’s not as easy as ‘just adopting.’ Adoptive parents must meet a series of strict requirements before they can be approved to adopt a child.”
“Why don’t you ‘just adopt?’ Everyone has their reasons.”
“That’s not your business.

8. “How did you get pregnant?”

Either they don’t understand how the science works, or they (horrifyingly) believe that gestational surrogates need to conceive the baby with the intended father in “the old fashioned way.”

Give them the short version with:

“Go research the IVF process.”
“Embryos are implanted with a lot of careful planning and the help of doctors.”
“That’s not your business.”

9. “I don’t know why you’d want to go through pregnancy and childbirth if it’s not your kid.”

…Ok.

Shrug off that unsolicited opinion with:

“Good thing you’re not a gestational surrogate, then, huh?”
“I’m fine with being pregnant and giving birth if it helps someone else become a family.”
“That’s not your business.”

10. “I heard about this surrogate who….”

Honestly, a good eye-roll is probably enough to express how you feel about this type of comment.

Or, you can use your grown-up words, like:

“Cool story, bro.”
“Horror-story situations are the ultra-rare exception to the rule, and most occurred in situations of traditional surrogacy and usually happened before surrogacy contracts and agencies were a thing. This isn’t like that. At all.”
“That’s not your business.”

One More Time, with Feeling: “That’s. Not. Your. Business.”

As long as you’re respecting your surrogacy contract and the privacy of the intended parents, how much (or little) you disclose about your gestational surrogacy process is entirely up to you. If you’re feeling particularly patient, you can use these types of questions and comments as a teaching moment for your loved ones. But, if you don’t feel like being the ambassador to all-things-surrogate, there’s nothing wrong with telling them the tried-and-true, “That’s not your business.”

Not sure how to navigate the holiday season as a surrogate? Worried about staying safe and healthy? Reach out to your American Surrogacy specialist for information and support at any time, or connect with other surrogates online.

5 Things to Expect During a Repeat Surrogacy Journey

When you began your first surrogacy journey, either as an intended parent or as a gestational surrogate, you didn’t fully know what to expect! That’s normal — no matter how much you research and prepare, there is so much about surrogacy that you can only understand once you’ve actually experienced it for yourself.

Now you’re considering doing it all again.

First of all, congratulations! This is always an exciting time. And now, you have firsthand knowledge and experience on your side.

Right now, you might be a little worried about what will differ from your last surrogacy experience. A lot will remain the same. But there are a few things that may change.

Here’s what you can expect as you begin your latest surrogacy journey through American Surrogacy:

1. It Won’t Be Exactly the Same as Last Time

No two surrogacy journeys are exactly alike. You may be working with different people, a different agency, different doctors, gamete donors, etc.

Even if all of that is exactly the same as your last surrogacy journey, no two pregnancies are alike! It may take more (or less) time for the surrogate to get pregnant, she may have more (or fewer) IVF and pregnancy side effects and the delivery may be different.

The surrogacy process always involves a few unknowns, even for veterans. Be ready to roll with whatever comes next!

2. The Process May Be Faster

This is particularly true if you’re working with the same agency. If you’re working with American Surrogacy again, we’ll have a lot of your information on file from last time, so you may be able to skip some of the paperwork you filled out for your first surrogacy journey — you’ll just need to make sure everything is up-to-date and still accurate.

The screening and matching process may also be sped up for repeat surrogates and intended parents. If you’ve already met the screening requirements before, you may be able to skip a couple steps. So, because you’re generally able to be re-approved faster this time around, you’ll head to the matching stage in less time.

If you’re going to be partnering with the same surrogate or intended parents as last time, you’ll be able to skip the wait to be matched altogether! If you’ll be partnering with someone new, you’ll still spend less time on this stage, because now you know what you’re looking for in a prospective surrogacy partner.

3. You May Not Be Partnered with the Same Intended Parents or Gestational Carrier

Many intended parents and surrogates who are interested in completing another surrogacy journey will approach one another for a repeat performance. This is a beneficial option if you already trust one another and enjoyed your last experience together.

However, your previous surrogacy partner may not be ready for another round! Or, you may just wish to work with someone new this time.

If you won’t be partnering with the same surrogate or intended parents as your last journey, don’t worry — your American Surrogacy specialist will help to match you with someone who fits what you’re looking for.

4. Repeat Surrogates Receive More Compensation than First-Timers

Women who have already completed at least one journey as a surrogate will receive a higher base compensation than women who haven’t been a surrogate before. This is because these women have proven themselves to be exceptional gestational carriers. Physically, mentally and emotionally, they have had a relatively easy time with surrogacy in the past.

American Surrogacy offers competitive surrogate compensation for first-time surrogates starts, and our experienced surrogates typically receive an additional sum per pregnancy on top of that.

5. It’ll Come More Easily Now You Know the Ropes

Surrogacy is never easy, for the intended parents or the surrogate. However, this time you have the benefit of personal experience and knowledge. You can apply that knowledge and experience as you move forward.

Your first surrogacy journey was likely full of first-time nerves and no small amount of confusion. It is, after all, a complicated process — even with an American Surrogacy specialist walking you through things. But now you have a stronger understanding of the medical process, insurance, financials, the emotions and all the details that newbies haven’t encountered. You’re coming back better than ever!

Ready to begin your next surrogacy journey? Reach out to an American Surrogacy specialist now to get started.

You can also hear from fellow surrogates about their experience, follow us on Instagram.

4 Things You Should Know about Gestational Diabetes This Month

November 14 is World Diabetes Day. In an effort to raise awareness, here are 4 things you should know about gestational diabetes, especially if you’re considering becoming a gestational surrogate.

November 14 is World Diabetes Day. In an effort to raise awareness and to prevent gestational diabetes your own pregnancies, here are 4 things you should know about gestational diabetes — especially if you’re considering becoming a gestational surrogate:

1. What is Gestational Diabetes?

All types of diabetes affect how efficiently your cells convert sugar in your body — your blood sugar levels become too high, which can quickly become life-threatening. Gestational diabetes develops only during pregnancy. It affects up to 10% of pregnant women in the U.S. each year.

There are two types of gestational diabetes. Women with class A1 gestational diabetes can manage the condition with diet and exercise alone. Class A2, however, requires insulin or other medications in addition to the diet and exercise changes.

Although gestational diabetes goes away after you give birth, it can permanently affect the baby’s health as well as your own.

2. Who is at Risk for Developing Gestational Diabetes?

Any pregnant woman can develop gestational diabetes. However, there are risk factors that you should keep an eye on if you’re planning on becoming pregnant as someone’s gestational carrier.

You may be at an increased risk for developing gestational diabetes if you:

Are over the age of 25.
Are not regularly physically active.
Have a BMI of 30 or higher.
Are of a nonwhite race.

In order to be accepted as a gestational surrogate, a woman must have no previous history of gestational diabetes or have any family history of diabetes. This helps reduce the risk of developing gestational diabetes in the course of your surrogacy journey, and protects both you and the baby.

The physical requirements that a prospective surrogate must meet can seem a little excessive, but every requirement takes complications like gestational diabetes into account, so risk can be minimized at every possible opportunity. The safety of the surrogate and the baby are American Surrogacy’s first priority.

If you’re thinking about becoming a gestational carrier, your reproductive endocrinologist will assess your gestational diabetes risk factors, and will complete several screening processes.

3. How Can it Affect the Surrogacy Process?

Gestational diabetes is clearly not just a nuisance, but a danger to the surrogate, the intended parents and their baby. It can result in health complications for the surrogate like:

High blood pressure and preeclampsia, which can be life-threatening to be the baby and yourself.
The need for a surgical delivery (C-section).
Increased likelihood of future diabetes — recurring gestational diabetes in future pregnancy, as well as an increased risk of developing type 2 diabetes later on.

Gestational diabetes complications for the intended parents’ baby can include:

Excessive birth weight, which makes the baby more likely to become wedged in the birth canal, sustain birth injuries or need a C-section birth.
Early (preterm) birth.
Serious breathing difficulties called respiratory distress syndrome.
Low blood sugar (hypoglycemia), which can cause seizures.
An increased risk for obesity and type 2 diabetes later in life.
And even stillbirth, if the gestational diabetes is not treated.

All this is pretty scary. That’s why it’s so important that you work with American Surrogacy to ensure that you are low-risk for developing gestational diabetes. But, there are also some additional measures you can take to avoid gestational diabetes:

4. How Can You Avoid Developing Gestational Diabetes?

Even if you aren’t considered high-risk for developing gestational diabetes, surrogates are still encouraged to take steps that will not only help them to avoid gestational diabetes, but will also help them to have a healthy and safe pregnancy.

Both before and during your journey as a gestational carrier, be sure to:

Eat healthy foods, especially foods high in fiber and low in fat and calories. Watch your portion sizes, and eat plenty of fruits, vegetables and whole grains.
Exercise, before and during the pregnancy. Aim for about 30 minutes of moderate activity on most days of the week. Even daily walks, bike rides, or taking the stairs instead of the elevator can help.
Start pregnancy at a healthy weight. This is why surrogacy agencies like American Surrogacy require gestational surrogates to have a healthy BMI before they can be accepted into the surrogacy program — it lowers the health risks for you and for the baby.
Keep an eye on your weight throughout the IVF processes and pregnancy. All women will gain weight during pregnancy — this is normal and healthy. However, gaining too much too quickly can increase your risk for gestational diabetes and other health complications. Work with your doctor to stay within a healthy weight range throughout the surrogacy process and pregnancy.

Not sure if you might be at-risk for developing gestational diabetes? Talk to your doctor about your concerns. Thinking about becoming a surrogate? Start the American Surrogacy screening process, and we’ll work with you to assess your risk level for gestational diabetes.

Share this blog or connect with us via our Instagram to raise awareness about gestational diabetes in honor of World Diabetes Day, and to help women learn how to prevent the condition whenever possible.

Our Tips for Choosing a Hospital for a Surrogacy Delivery

The surrogacy process is a unique experience in many ways. One example of this is making important medical decisions as a team. Working together, the surrogate and intended parents choose which doctors to see, the type of prenatal care to receive and, of course, the hospital for labor and delivery.

Finding the right hospital for labor and delivery can make this important and climatic step of the surrogacy process better for everyone. Your hospital should make you feel safe and have all of the available resources you could possibly need. Proximity to the surrogate’s home could be a big factor, as could other common concerns about hospitals.

Learn more about the decisions you’ll make as an intended parent from other intended parents on our Instagram.

If you’re preparing to begin the surrogacy process, this guide will give you the step-by-step process and information you need to make this important decision.

How to Choose a Hospital for Delivery

Choosing a hospital for delivery in the surrogacy process will follow a few steps:

Step 1: Start a Conversation

Choosing a hospital for delivery in surrogacy is a collaborative process. Coordinating with your surrogate and your agency, start talking about what you’re looking for in a hospital. Set your standards and make any non-negotiable items clear.

Step 2: Research Options

Now that you’re on the same page with your surrogate and agency, you can begin searching for hospitals that meet the criteria discussed in step one. Put a list together, starting with online research, and then talk over the list with your surrogate and agency.

Once you have it narrowed down to a few locations, schedule time for consultations with those hospitals to get a personal feel for the staff and ask specific questions. In some cases, the intended parents or surrogate (or both) may be able to take a tour of the maternity ward before making a choice.

Step 3: Choose Your Hospital

Once everyone has reached an agreement about the best location for labor and delivery, you can choose that hospital and move forward with the process.

Seems simple, right? While there may not be that many steps involved in choosing a hospital for surrogacy, the tricky part of this process is working collaboratively on an important and personal medical decision.

Working with Your Partner

Surrogates and intended parents are partners in this life-changing journey. Each has distinct desires and needs. For the best outcome, everyone involved should respect the desires and needs of everyone else involved.

Choosing a hospital is the type of thing that can become contentious if one person tries to take over. But, it doesn’t have to be that way. For the best hospital choice that makes everyone feel safe, supported and encouraged, make sure to do the following:

Listen First

Approach the conversation with the goal of understanding what the other person wants. Of course, you will always need to be clear about what you are looking for in a hospital for labor and delivery, too.

If both the surrogate and intended parents approach the conversation with this posture — eager to listen and also prepared to clearly state their needs — then you’ll be well on your way to making a good decision.

Remember the Goal

It can be common, in the midst of a close game, for a team’s two star players to get into a heated disagreement. This doesn’t happen because one wants her team to win and the other wants the opponent to win. They both want what is best for their team. The disagreement comes from passion, but the goal is the same.

This is how it is with surrogacy. When you’re in the middle of a conversation where you want different things, it can be easy to assume you are fighting for different outcomes — essentially playing for different teams. If you can’t come to an agreement, stop and remind yourself that everyone is playing for the same team and trying to reach the same goal. You all want what is best for the process.

This simple reminder — we’re all working toward the same goal — can help ease tension and resolve disagreement.

Turn to the Experts

Having a hard time with this choice? Your surrogacy specialist can help. Remember, you aren’t in this process alone. Your specialist has helped many other intended parents and surrogates make choices like this.

If you’re stuck between two hospitals or you can’t agree on what’s most important while making your choice, bring your specialist into the conversation. Their professional guidance can bring clarity to your choice.

Things to Consider in Prospective Hospitals

Now that we’ve covered the steps to choosing a hospital and the conversation tools needed to make this decision as a team, let’s take a look at the important practical considerations you’ll need to keep in mind when evaluating locations for labor and delivery.

Insurance

The intended parents cover the costs associated with the medical process of surrogacy, including the hospital stay for labor and delivery. You will want to make sure, as the intended parent, that your insurance offers assistance in cost coverage for any of the hospitals that you’re considering.

Capabilities of the NICU

You never want to believe that your child will spend extra time in the NICU, but it’s always a possibility. If there are complications around the birth, does the hospital have the staff and resources in the NICU to provide adequate care?

Location of the Hospital

Ideally, the hospital will be a short drive from the surrogate’s home. This may not be possible in some situations. In cases like this, you will want to come up with a travel plan so that the surrogate is able to get to the hospital as quickly as possible.

Comfort Level

Does the maternity ward and birthing suite make you feel comfortable and safe? An environment that increases comfort and decreases anxiety can lead to a better birthing experience. This is why it can be a good idea for the surrogate to request an in-person tour of a location before making a final choice.

Speak with a Surrogacy Specialist

There’s a lot to consider when it comes to choosing a hospital for surrogacy. Sometimes, it can be helpful to speak with a surrogacy professional if you have more specific questions about your own decision-making process.

You can contact us online or call 1-800-875-BABY (875-2229) at any time to speak with a specialist. This free consultation can provide the answers you are looking for about surrogacy and, if you’re ready, we’ll always be happy to help you get started with your own journey.