How Adoption After Birth in Surrogacy Works

The surrogacy process can be a bit confusing. While it is primarily experienced as an emotional journey on the part of the intended parents, it’s actually a legal and medical process, too.

All of the little nuances associated with surrogacy law and parental rights can come as a surprise to some intended parents. That’s why it is so important to work with an agency — like American Surrogacy — that can ensure your process follows all the necessary legal requirements.

One potential requirement that catches intended parents off guard is adoption after a surrogacy birth.

Wait — adoption? Isn’t that a totally different family-building option?

Yes, it is. But, due to some state laws, there is a chance you will have to legally adopt your child after birth.

If you find yourself in this situation, don’t panic. It’s totally normal. We’ve created this guide to explain how adoption after birth in surrogacy works, why it might be necessary, and how you can ensure that yours is completed successfully.

What Is an Order of Parentage?

Parentage is a legal term that refers to legal rights to parent a baby. So, an order of parentage is a legal document that declares which people have those parental rights for the newborn child in the surrogacy process.

While laws differ from state-to-state, most laws make an assumption that the woman who gives birth to the baby is the child’s mother. In surrogacy, this is clearly not the case. So, an order of parentage is necessary to set the record straight and grant parental rights to the intended parents.

In many instances, this order can be secured before birth and is appropriately known as a pre-birth order. Your surrogacy agency and attorney will help you file the pre-birth order so that parental rights are already taken care of when the baby is born.

However, some states do not allow for pre-birth orders, and that’s where adoption comes into play.

How Adoption After Birth in Surrogacy Works

Instead of obtaining a pre-birth order, some intended parents will need to work with their agency and attorney to file a post-birth parentage order. Within surrogacy, this is the term we use for this action. But in the eyes of many states, a “post-birth parentage order” is, legally speaking, an adoption.

How does this work? Once again, it can depend on the laws of your state. Generally, the surrogate must execute her official consent to adoption after the child is born. This involves either a written consent to the adoption (witnessed and signed by a public notary) or a petition for relinquishment of parental rights that is filed by the attorney.

During this period of waiting for the official post-birth order of parentage, the surrogate is considered the legal parent in the eyes of the state. But, this doesn’t mean that the intended parents cannot act as the parents they are. You can still hold the child and personally assume your role as mom or dad while the state sorts out the legal roles.

Additionally, it’s important to know that while their may need to be a post-birth adoption order, the surrogate cannot just “keep” the child if she has a change of heart. The surrogacy contract is a binding legal agreement that both parties will have already signed. That contract makes any worst-case scenario fears impossible.

Why Adoption After Birth in Surrogacy is Necessary

Ultimately, it comes down to state laws. Some states do not allow pre-birth orders to be filed. If you live in one of these states, your attorney will need to help the surrogate follow the required adoption laws after birth, which can involve a waiting period and mandatory counseling before officially signing the consent to the adoption.

This may seem confusing. Why would the surrogate have to receive counseling or wait for a certain amount of time?

Keep in mind that, in the eyes of the state, this post-birth surrogacy order is actually an adoption. Adoption laws were written to protect the rights of prospective birth mothers, who are in totally different situations than a surrogate. The waiting period and counseling are in place to ensure that these women are fully informed before making their choice in an adoption process. It just so happens that post-birth orders in surrogacy may have to follow these same steps.

Once again, it’s important to stop and realize that this is very common. Many surrogacy placements go through post-birth orders. There’s no reason to be worried if you have to take this additional step due to your state’s laws. Everyone is on the same page, and your process will be completed successfully.

Who Can Help with Adoption After Birth in Surrogacy

Your surrogacy process will include several different professionals. When it comes to pre- and post-birth orders of parentage, your most important resources are your surrogacy attorney and agency. These legal professionals and counselors will help you understand what’s happening, ensure that all legal requirements are met, and guide you to the completion of a successful surrogacy process.

Would you like to speak with a specialist today about this part of the process or any other questions you have? Contact us online at any time or call 1-800-875-BABY (875-2229). We’d be happy to help you understand the process and get started on your surrogacy journey.

Life After Infertility: Infertility, Pregnancy Loss and Infant Loss Awareness Month

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. The tragedy of losing a pregnancy or newborn takes many forms and is experienced by thousands every year.

Talking about something as personal as the loss of pregnancy or of a child can be incredibly uncomfortable. This month is an opportunity to push past that discomfort in the hope of offering solidarity and help to those who are struggling with the lasting effects of devastating loss.

There are many aspects of pregnancy and infant loss that are worth discussing. Here, we want to look ahead to life after infertility and pregnancy and infant loss. Even in the darkest moments, there can be a spark of hope ahead.

Giving Grief its Time

Although it may seem counterintuitive, we need to talk about grief before we can talk about hope.

Grief is complicated. It’s not as simple as feeling sad, talking about it and moving on. The weight of grief — and specifically that of infertility and pregnancy loss — can stick with you for years.

We say this not to be discouraging, but to acknowledge an important reality: Although there is hope for a beautiful life after infertility, its impact will never fully disappear. We can’t have an honest discussion about life after infertility and pregnancy loss without honoring the very real and challenging grief of this experience.

Real hope is found in confronting pain, not avoiding it. That’s the first principle of life after infertility and pregnancy loss. Give yourself time to honestly face the loss you’ve experienced — to wrestle with it, feel it deeply and process it fully — before jumping to the next step.

Good is coming, but it can’t be rushed.

When you are on this journey, you may realize that you cannot do it alone. Many others have come to the same breaking point. There’s no shame in this. Reaching out to a counselor or other form of professional help could provide the support you need to carry on. You can use this guide from the American Society for Reproductive Medicine to find counselors who specialize in infertility and pregnancy loss.

Rebuilding Your Dreams

Alternative family-building options are becoming more popular and accessible. This means that your dream of starting (or growing) your family can take on a new shape in life after infertility.

Before we go on to family-building options, it’s important to stop and consider if this is really what you want. Life after infertility looks different for everyone. That could mean that, in your life, your new dreams are not related to building a family. Whatever passions bring your joy, that’s what you should pursue.

If your dream of starting a family is as strong as ever, then there are two primary ways to do that:

Adoption: There are several different ways to adopt. For hopeful parents choosing between adoption and surrogacy, domestic infant adoption is often the route that makes the most sense. This type of adoption involves a prospective birth mother creating an adoption plan for her unborn baby. She then chooses the adoptive parents (that could be you!) and, after birth, the newborn is placed with the parents.

The adoption journey is rarely easy, but it can be a beautiful and life-changing way to build your family. If you’d like more information about adoption, you can contact our sister agency, American Adoptions.

Surrogacy: The surrogacy process can be an amazing way to become parents. There are several different ways to go about finding a match, choosing a gamete donor, and completing other aspects of the process. The most important step to a successful surrogacy process is finding the right agency to work with. If you’d like to learn more about surrogacy, you can contact us at any time to speak with a specialist.

You’re Not Alone

Life after infertility and pregnancy and infant loss will always be impacted by the pain you’ve experienced. But, as you can see above, there are available options that create the opportunity for new life in the midst of the pain.

If you find yourself in a place where moving forward feels impossible, it may help to read the stories of others. You are not alone. Others have carried the same weight, and they can testify to the promise of a bright future.

Everyone is on a unique path. As you can see from these courageous stories, there’s always the chance that, despite the pain of the past, the future is full of goodness.

Contact Us Today

Would you like to speak with a surrogacy professional about surrogacy after infertility? Please contact us online today or call 1-800-875-BABY (875-2229).

Should You Become an Intended Parent During COVID-19?

We’ve all felt the widespread effects of COVID-19 in different ways. For some, it has brought about job loss and economic hardship. Others have struggled with loneliness due to social distancing, and many have felt an increase in anxiety as they go about their daily life with all of the new health and safety precautions.

COVID-19 has caused massive change and disruption to nearly every area of life, and that includes the surrogacy process. Intended parents who were ready to begin the process, and even those already in it, may be confused about what to do next. Should you continue to pursue surrogacy during COVID-19?

This is a personal choice, so we can’t make it for you. However, we can give you helpful information that puts you in a better place to make the right decision. And that’s why we’ve created this guide.

This is Part Two in our series on surrogacy and COVID-19. If you are a potential surrogate asking the same question, make sure to check out our blog for surrogates.

In order to decide whether or not pursuing surrogacy during COVID-19 is the right choice for your family, it may be helpful to understand how the process could change because of the pandemic.

How COVID-19 Could Change the Surrogacy Process

Every journey toward building a family through surrogacy is unique. That means the specific ways COVID-19 changes your process will depend on the details of your situation.

Has someone close to you contracted the virus, or have you gotten sick? How prevalent is the spread of the virus in your community? Are you a high-risk individual?

These (and other) personal questions will play a big role in determining how things change in your surrogacy process. Along with these things to consider, there are some bigger changes that most processes are experiencing in the face of COVID-19.

Clinic Policies:

Each fertility clinic implements unique precautions to protect clients from COVID-19. You should expect your experience to change. Consultations may move online, and in-person visits may require mask-wearing and other social distancing measures. Consult your fertility clinic to learn more about the guidelines they have put in place during this time.

Travel Plans:

Will your surrogacy process involve travel? Not all processes do. If you do expect to travel, then you will feel the impact on COVID-19 on this aspect of your journey. Airlines have enacted stringent safety measures, and flying is a higher risk activity due to the confined airspace shared with many others for several hours. If you have the ability to drive to your destination, that may be a preferable mode of transportation.

Surrogacy Funds:

The financial impact of COVID-19 has been devastating for many. Whether this comes in the form of job loss, reduced hours, stock losses or something else, your surrogacy budget may have been reduced because of the virus. You’re not alone in dealing with this. Speak to your surrogacy specialist and be totally clear about what your budget looks like because of the pandemic.

The Family-Building Timeline:

It seems like one feature of life in a pandemic is that everything takes a bit longer. Many places of businesses are still catching up on backlogged appointments from the shutdowns, and others simply run at a slower pace in order to follow all the required safety measures. The family-building timeline of your surrogacy process could be extended due to COVID-19.

These are several significant changes to the surrogacy experience that any intended parent should take into account when considering whether or not to carry on with the process in light of COVID-19.

Evaluating Your Options

Taking these considerations into account, should you move forward with the surrogacy process as an intended parent? The answer depends on several factors, including your personal risk tolerance, ability to be flexible and the current situation around COVID-19 in your area.

It should be noted that the impact of COVID-19 could change rapidly. Some communities have already weathered the worst of the virus and are operating under more normal procedures, while others are on the brink of lockdown. Make sure to take your local situation into account.

You might want to move forward with the surrogacy process if:

  • You are prepared to be flexible.
  • You surrogacy funds are secure.
  • You are OK with an extended timeline.
  • You are aware of the health risks involved with clinic visits, travel and other parts of the process.

You might want to consider pressing pause on surrogacy if:

  • The changes to the process will make you anxious.
  • Your surrogacy funds have been reduced due to the pandemic.
  • The fluctuating timeline and delays will be a source of frustration.
  • You or someone you know is at a higher risk for severe presentation of COVID-19, making the health risks associated with certain steps of the process more dangerous.

There’s no “right” or “wrong” decision in this situation. We’re all going through a pandemic for the first time, and it’s OK to feel confused or unsure. Whatever you choose will be the best decision for your life.

If pressing pause on your surrogacy process is what’s best, then that is OK. You’re not on a deadline. American Surrogacy will still be here to assist you months or even years from now.

Even if you had already stepped into the early stages of the surrogacy process, it’s OK to press pause and pick things back up when life is better. It’s not ideal, and it may be disappointing or frustrating. But, it’s better to be patient (even when it’s hard!) then to try and force the process at the wrong time.

Speak with a Specialist

Many intended parents find clarity when they speak to a surrogacy professional. If you have more questions about your specific situation, you can contact us online at any time or call 1-800-875-BABY (875-229) to speak with a specialist. We’d be happy to answer your questions, fill you in on how we are keeping our clients safe during the pandemic, and help you decide what will be best for your family.

Should You Become a Surrogate During COVID-19?

COVID-19 has disrupted nearly every aspect of modern life. What was once an abstract idea — a respiratory virus in a relatively unknown region of south-central China — has become a fundamental fact of daily life around the world. From work to school to social life and everything in between, we’re always considering how COVID-19 will come into play.

It’s no different, of course, with the surrogacy process. There’s a chance you were considering surrogacy before the pandemic began. Or, you may have started giving surrogacy serious thought more recently. Either way, you’re probably wondering if you should continue to pursue becoming a surrogate during COVID-19.

This is a personal decision, and only you can decide what is right for you. American Surrogacy is active and operating according to the highest standard of safety procedures to keep our staff and clients safe in the face of COVID-19.

We’ve created this guide to help anyone trying to decide whether or not becoming a surrogate during COVID-19 is the right choice. If you’d like to speak with a surrogacy specialist about this decision, you can contact us online today.

COVID-19 and Surrogacy

Surrogates and intended parents have different considerations when it comes to COVID-19 and surrogacy. To give both sides the time and attention they deserve, we’ve split this blog up into two parts. Keep an eye out for Part Two, which is for intended parents considering surrogacy during COVID-19.

For those who might be thinking about becoming a surrogate, the primary risk factors to consider have to do with your health during pregnancy, changes to typical prenatal visits, and how labor and delivery could be different because of COVID-19.

Understanding Pregnancy Risks

The majority of people who become sick with COVID-19 have mild symptoms and recover within several weeks. While anyone can experience a severe presentation of the disease — which can result in hospitalization — certain groups are at a higher risk for severe presentation. Those include people who are:

  • Elderly
  • Overweight
  • Living with pre-existing conditions, like heart failure or type 2 diabetes

So, what about women who are pregnant?

The jury is still out on the risk of severe presentation for women who are pregnant. There have not been enough observable presentations of COVID-19 in pregnant women to clearly determine the increased risk. Still, caution is advised. According to the CDC, “Based on what we know at this time, pregnant people might be at an increased risk for severe illness from COVID-19 compared to non-pregnant people. Additionally, pregnant people with COVID-19 may be at increased risk for other adverse outcomes, such as preterm birth.”

The way this virus attacks can be random and unique from person to person. There are so many variables involved in a pregnancy that the risk for a severe presentation of COVID-19 that requires hospitalization is unknown. The best course of action is to exercise caution and use all social distancing measures to stay safe.

When considering your level of risk, take into account things like preexisting conditions, history of anxiety or depression and the current level of COVID-19 spread in your area.

If you are considering surrogacy during COVID-19, you will need to decide whether or not stepping into the unknown risk of pregnancy and the coronavirus is something you can handle. If these risks during pregnancy because of COVID-19 will increase your anxiety and stress, then it may not be the best time to become a surrogate.

Considering the Surrogacy Process

Most of the surrogacy process can’t be done virtually. There are some things that can transition to video calls, like conversations with your surrogacy specialist and the intended parents.

However, when you’re a surrogate, there’s plenty that you have to do in person. Depending on the spread of COVID-19 where you live, this experience could be different because of the pandemic.

Your visits to the fertility clinic will likely involve wearing a mask and other safety precautions. You may have to be tested for COVID-19 before the embryo transfer process, depending on the guidelines of your fertility clinic.

Similarly, your OBGYN appointments following a successful embryo transfer process won’t be the same as they would be in a pre-pandemic world. You will most likely have to wear a mask and potentially take other precautions as well.

Finally, labor and delivery may not be what you would have experienced before COVID-19. Depending on the hospital rules, one or both of the intended parents may not be allowed in the room with you. Other social distancing measures may be in place during this time, as well.

It’s difficult to say exactly what your experience would be like if you choose to become a surrogate during the pandemic. So many factors come into play — like the spread of the virus in your area, the specific rules of your medical providers and your own level of risk tolerance.

You should keep in mind that the surrogacy process can take 12-16 months from start to finish. If you are considering becoming a surrogate today, things could be different (as it pertains to COVID-19) by the time you get to appointments at the fertility clinic and other parts of the process.

Making Your Decision

Taking into account the increased risks associated with COVID-19 during pregnancy and the changes to the process, should you pursue surrogacy now? Ultimately, it’s your decision. Your choice will depend on your risk tolerance and your ability to be flexible during uncertain times.

Surrogacy professionals are still providing the necessary services to complete the process. Intended parents are still seeking matches. If you want to become a surrogate, you can. Just keep in mind how things will be different because of this once-in-a-lifetime pandemic.

Even if the risks and changes feel like they’ll be too much for you to handle, that’s okay, too. You’re under no obligation to become a surrogate, and there’s no shame in deciding that now is not the right time. Whenever you’re ready, American Surrogacy will be there to help you get started.

Contact a Professional

Finding clarity for a life-changing decision like this won’t be easy. If you’re still feeling confused, it could be helpful to speak with a professional. You can contact us at any time to connect with one of our surrogacy specialists, and you can also call 1-800-875-BABY (875-2229).

This conversation is always free of charge, and you’ll never be pressured into making a decision. We just want to help you make the right choice for you, whatever it may be.

Surrogacy and Vaccinations: Unpacking a Difficult Process

Surrogacy is an intimate process, and sometimes it requires uncomfortable discussions. The safety and happiness of everyone involved in the process — both the surrogate and the intended parents — is always the goal. To ensure that goal is achieved, one touchy subject has to be addressed: surrogacy and vaccinations.

The medical aspects of surrogacy make up a large part of the process. If you’re considering surrogacy — either as a surrogate or intended parent — then you’ll need to get used to in-depth discussions around medical issues. This can often feel invasive and uncomfortable.

Vaccines have become a delicate issue in our culture. What was once accepted almost universally as a good and necessary piece of modern medicine is no longer so simple. In fact, in many circles the mere mention of vaccines can cause tension. And ever since COVID-19 became a big part of our daily existence, the conversation around vaccines has only intensified.

If you’re interested in surrogacy, you’re going to need to push through this tension to understand how vaccinations can impact your journey. From agency requirements to finding a surrogacy match, vaccinations can significantly alter your experience with the process.

Surrogates and Vaccinations

Your health as a surrogate is a priority during the process. You may feel a strong conviction about vaccinations — whether you see them as necessary or harmful. What’s important to understand is how your views (especially if you are against vaccinations) could disrupt the process.

There are two levels of medical screening that surrogates must complete: the agency screening and the fertility clinic screening.

Each surrogacy agency has its own in-house medical screening standards. These agency requirements will determine whether or not you can begin the process as a surrogate. If you do not have all of your immunizations, you will need to check on your agency’s requirements before going any further.

The intended parents choose the fertility clinic that will perform the in-vitro fertilization (IVF). Each fertility clinic will conduct a medical screening before the procedure, and requirements differ from clinic to clinic. Many require a full vaccination record.

When you’re a surrogate, you don’t officially enter into your legal contract with the intended parents until the medical screening with the fertility clinic has been completed. A failed screening could result in the dissolution of a match, which can be very disappointing.

Our intent in saying this is not necessarily to change your mind. It’s important to remember that, when you are a gestational surrogate, you have the right to choose what you believe is best for your body.

However, it is our job to make sure you have all the information you need before making big choices. If you are interested in being a surrogate and are personally against vaccinations, it could become an issue in your medical screening.

Intended Parents and Vaccinations

The intended parents’ opinion on vaccinations can also be a factor in the surrogacy process. While intended parents do not undergo the same medical screening that surrogates do, their perspectives on vaccines can come up in the screening process and, as we’ll explore in greater detail below, could potentially become an issue when it comes to finding a match.

Intended parents who are against vaccines may want to find a surrogate who is also against vaccines. This could become an issue if it is not clearly addressed upfront. If a surrogate feels that immunizations are necessary to protect her health, the intended parents cannot force her to abstain.

Additionally, intended parents who are against vaccinations may have a hard time finding a fertility clinic that does not require them. Many fertility clinics have guidelines that include a long list of immunizations.  If this concerns you, you can ask a clinic if there are exceptions, or ask them to explain the safety of vaccinations during pregnancy. However, there is a chance that anti-vaccination views on the part of the intended parents could limit the number of professionals available to work with. 

Anti-Vaccination Views and Finding a Match

The aspects of surrogacy and vaccination covered above are primarily technical. But, there’s a more personal side to this discussion, as well. While medical screening and agency requirements should be considered, finding a surrogacy match is another topic of equal importance.

Here’s the simple truth when it comes to anti-vaccination views and finding a match: It may be more challenging to find a match if you hold this opinion of vaccines.

This can be true for intended parents or surrogates. If the other party accepts medical science on the safety and importance and vaccines and you do not, then it can often become an insurmountable disagreement.

Intended parents and surrogates do not have to perfectly agree on everything. In fact, disagreements on some level are common. However, vaccinations are too important for many people to simply “agree to disagree.”

The views of the intended parents and surrogate on vaccinations should always be discussed early in the process, so that a passionate disagreement can be avoided at a later stage.

The COVID-19 vaccine, specifically, could become a regular requirement for surrogates and intended parents when it comes to finding a match. While requirements from the agency side will vary, it’s expected that many surrogates and intended parents will want the other party involved to have received the vaccine once it is available.

On the other hand, there is a growing public wariness about vaccines, and the COVID-19 vaccine in particular. This could cause it to become a hot-button issue that impacts all areas of society, including surrogacy.

Once again, this information is not presented in an effort to change opinions. Rather, it’s vital that you fully understand the potential implications of anti-vaccination views when it comes to the surrogacy process.

Speak with a Specialist

Surrogacy can be a beautiful journey. Whether you are pursuing this opportunity as a surrogate or intended parent, we want you to feel encouraged and empowered. If you’d like to learn more about the process and speak to a specialist about this specific topic, you can contact us online today or call 1-800-875-BABY (875-2229).

Can You Still Pursue Surrogacy Even if You Can Conceive?

Surrogacy is an exciting opportunity. For many families, this path is the best and only way to build the biological family of their dreams.

But what happens if you and your partner are able to conceive naturally? Is surrogacy still an option for you, and if so, is it the right path?

Absolutely. Just because you can physically conceive doesn’t mean that’s the only path to building a family. In fact, many families feel that surrogacy is the best and only way to bring a child into this world.

Hopeful families come to surrogacy for a host of different reasons. Like with other types of family-building methods, choosing surrogacy will be a very personal decision to make — but it’s always an option for you.

Why Do Intended Parents Pursue Surrogacy if They Can Conceive?

There are a lot of answers to this question. Ultimately, every intended parent gets to decide how they want to build their family and why they want to do so through surrogacy.

Below are just five reasons that intended parents might choose surrogacy over their other options. Remember, no matter what the reason is, each one is valid, and there’s nothing wrong with choosing surrogacy over other family-building options.

1. An intended mother struggles to carry full-term.

Many women who are able to conceive struggle to carry their baby to full term. The reasons are numerous, but frequent miscarriages are common. After so many failed pregnancies, some women instead turn to surrogacy to make their family-building dreams come true.

2. Surrogacy feels right for them.

Similar to couples who choose to adopt even when they can conceive, many couples know that surrogacy is the right path for them, even if conceiving naturally is a possibility. Many women just don’t want to be pregnant, whether that’s for health or personal reasons, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

3. A pregnancy could put an intended mother’s health at risk.

For many women, conception is possible, but that doesn’t mean it’s safe. Some medical conditions and complications during pregnancy can affect not only a mother’s but a baby’s health, as well.

If a woman already has a pre-existing condition — like high blood pressure (also known as hypertension) and preeclampsia — becoming pregnant can worsen her health. Some conditions can made worse by becoming pregnant, posing too much of a risk for the intended mother. In that case, surrogacy will almost always be a better option.

4. They’re not interested in adoption or foster care.

When they learn how much goes into surrogacy, some people ask, “Why can’t you just adopt?”

It’s not as simple as you might think. While adoption is a viable option for building a family, it’s not for everyone. Adoption, like surrogacy, is still a complex, emotional process. There are some families who don’t want to pursue adoption because of the length of time it takes to bring a child home. They may also decide against foster care adoption because of the unreliability of this family-building path.

5. An intended mother is older than ideal for pregnancy.

By the time a woman reaches her 40s, it becomes much harder to conceive naturally. While it can still happen, the likelihood drops significantly. Age can be a huge obstacle for women who decide that they’re ready to become pregnant and carry a baby to term.

Rather than risk the failure to conceive, they instead choose gestational surrogacy from the get-go.

Is Surrogacy Right for Me?

That’s a question that only you can answer. But, with a lot of research, you can come to an answer that feels right for you.

Whether you can conceive or not, you should never feel guilty or ashamed for your surrogacy choice. At the end of the day, you have to make the decision that feels right to you. As long as you’ve done the work to educate yourself about what it takes to pursue surrogacy, there’s nothing wrong with this family-building option.

If you’re interested in becoming an intended parent, your first job will be to speak to a surrogacy specialist. To learn more, please call 1-800-875-BABY(2229) or contact American Surrogacy online to speak with a surrogacy specialist today.

Surrogacy for Gay Couples: Who Should Be the Genetic Father?

Surrogacy is the journey of a lifetime. But if you’re considering this family-building path as a gay male couple, there’s a big decision you’ll have to make.

Which one of you should be your child’s genetic father?

This question may be a lot harder to answer than you might think. For many LGBTQ couples, deciding who should be the genetic parent is the first obstacle as you start the surrogacy process.

But it doesn’t have to be as tough as it seems. To help make the decision a little bit easier, we’ve gathered some tips to set you off on the right path.

Start with an Honest Discussion

The most important conversations can be some of the toughest to have. But in any committed, loving relationship, you should be able to have open-minded, respectful discussions while recognizing both parties’ feelings. However, deciding who will be the genetic father could lead to a challenging and awkward conversation.

Because this decision will have a huge impact on your future, it’s only natural to be concerned. Family ties can also invoke strong emotions, so don’t be surprised if this conversation becomes stressful. Preparation and honesty will go a long way. Make sure to be up-front and honest about your expectations for this process.

Ultimately, choosing the genetic father is a decision you should make together. It goes without saying, but don’t save this conversation until the last minute. Leave enough time so the two of you can say what you need without feeling rushed. More likely than not, this will need to be a conversation that you revisit more than once.

Don’t forget to put your own convictions aside for a moment to give your partner’s feelings your full attention. Even if you are set on one choice beforehand, this conversation might just change your feelings. Try to be flexible and understanding throughout these discussions.

As long as you’re open and honest, you should be able to eventually come a decision that works for both of you.

Helpful Tips

Before you can make a decision this big, there are some key things you’ll need to do as an LGBTQ couple:

  • Talk to your fertility doctor: While it’s important to talk amongst yourselves, we recommend a third opinion, too. A fertility doctor can take a better look at your genetics and sperm quality. From there, they might explain which one of your sperm samples will give you the best chance of success.
  • Take a look at your family history: Before you make your decision, you may want to look at your family history, too. If there are genetic conditions or predispositions on either side of your family that you don’t want to pass on, take that into account.
  • Think about what you do want to pass on: Do you or your partner have a favorite trait that you’d like to pass on, such as your height or your hair color? It might sound like a small piece of the puzzle, but this might make a big difference in your decision.

Think Outside of the Box

When it comes to biological connection, there are a number of options for LGBTQ couples like you.

If you are planning to have multiple children through surrogacy, think about your future. For example, one of you could be the genetic father for your first child, and your partner could be the genetic father of the second (and so on). That way, each father could have a biological connection to each child.

Another option is to let your doctor choose the embryo without telling you who the genetic father is. This way, you’ll take the decision off your shoulders and leave it up to a professional. You can later identify the genetic father with a paternity test, or you might decide knowing is not as important as you thought.

Finally, you could ask a female relative (like a sister or cousin) of the non-biological father to be the egg donor for your gestational surrogacy. That way, the non-biological father still has some genetic connection to his child, even if it’s not direct.

However you decide to do it, choose a path that will make both of you happy.

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It may not be easy to decide who will pass on genetic traits to your child. No matter what you decide, make sure that you’re able to come to an agreement together. If you’re having trouble doing so, the two of you might speak with an infertility counselor or a professional who specializes in gamete donation for more advice.

If you have any other questions about the surrogacy process with our agency, please don’t hesitate to reach out to one of our surrogacy specialists.

5 Signs Surrogacy After IVF is Right for You

Building a family is a lifelong dream for many people, one that can be years in the making. But, if you’ve been struggling with unsuccessful IVF attempts for some time, you might be unsure of what your other options are to make your dreams come true.

It’s common for hopeful parents to turn to gestational surrogacy after IVF and infertility treatments. However, it can be hard to know when it’s the right time to move forward or if it’s worth giving this process one last shot — especially if you are hoping that your dreams of becoming pregnant will eventually come true.

Naturally, this will be a decision that you’ll want to put a lot thought into. Changing your family-building plans will be a big adjustment, so it’s okay to take your time as you decide what works best for you. If you’re struggling at all while you try to figure out what to do next, remember that you can always talk to your infertility counselor.

In the meantime, here are five signs to look out for that might mean surrogacy is the right option for you.

1. You’re Ready to Move on from IVF Treatments

This one seems obvious, but it may take a lot of soul-searching before you can truly say yes.

Many people who are moving to surrogacy after IVF have already gone through several rounds of treatment — which means a lot of time and, sadly, disappointment. At this point, you’re probably feeling exhausted, disappointed and heartbroken. And no one can blame you.

For many people who have been pursuing IVF for months or years, it can be extremely difficult to let go of the dream of finally becoming pregnant.

It would be a great disservice to yourself to pursue surrogacy before you’re truly ready. Surrogacy is a long process with its own emotional ups and downs. Before you decide to move forward with it, you should research all family-building methods to confirm you’re making the right decision.

2. You’re More Interested in Parenting than Pregnancy

If you’re interested in surrogacy, you need to be prepared for the fact that someone else will be carrying your baby. Obviously, this process will not be like the pregnancy process you spent so much time envisioning. While it will be difficult, you must let go of your dreams of becoming pregnant in order to have a smooth journey during the surrogacy process.

If you have come to terms with this fact, you may also have realized that, for you, becoming parents is more rewarding than the pregnancy process itself. At the end of the day, that’s what this process really comes down to.

If you’re having doubts about the surrogacy process, or if you’re not ready to let go of your dreams of carrying your child, it would be better to wait until you are truly 100% ready to move forward.

3. You’re Worried About the Cost of Continuing IVF

As you likely already know, IVF treatments aren’t cheap.

It can be extremely frustrating and disheartening to watch your savings dwindle as you attempt cycle after cycle. Instead, many families choose to put their money toward a process with a higher chance of success. While this could mean they decide on surrogacy, they might even think about adoption, which has even greater chance of success.

While it may not be what you hoped for when you set off on your family-building journey, surrogacy can still be a great, fulfilling journey — that leaves you with more funds to give your child the opportunities they deserve.

4. You Only Have a Few Embryos Left

If an intended parent only has a few embryos left, they may start to look at other options — like surrogacy. When faced with this situation, the last thing that many families want to do is to put all their hopes into the traditional IVF process only to be let down once more.

If you’re unsure what to do and you want to protect your last embryos, it may be time to look into surrogacy, especially if you’re looking for an option with a higher success rate. Naturally, you will want to talk to a surrogacy specialist if you’re considering this path.

5. You’ve Done Your Research

For many people, surrogacy is still relatively new. Before you really get going, do as much research as possible about this process to make sure that it’s the best alternative for you.

Like IVF treatments, surrogacy can be a lengthy and expensive process. It is not something that just anyone can jump into, and it is certainly not right for everyone.

Please make sure that you’re ready emotionally, mentally and physically before you get started. Remember that moving on from IVF treatments doesn’t mean that you have to let go of your dreams of parenthood. We know that this is a big adjustment, and it will be an incredibly difficult decision to make as you consider your options for building a family.

If you think that you’re ready to learn more about the surrogacy process, please contact our surrogacy specialists at 1-800-875-2229(BABY). You are under no obligation to start the process, but they will give you plenty of information to help you learn more about this option.

The Importance of Compromise in Surrogacy

Becoming an intended parent or a surrogate is an exciting journey unlike any other. Before you know it, all the hard work, patience and care that you’ve put into this process will finally pay off.

But before you get to that exciting step, you’ll need to focus on your relationship between one another. Surrogacy is not a solo activity, and it’s important to deepen the bond that will last throughout this entire process.

With that being said, you may be in a situation where you’re having trouble compromising with your surrogacy partner. When one party wants the surrogacy process to go a certain way but the other can’t let go of their plans, what should you do?

This a tough question to answer, but it’s not impossible. We understand that everyone wants to have their individual needs met during this important journey.

At the end of the day, however, surrogacy is a partnership. And, just like in any relationship, it’s all about compromise. You may not get everything you want, but what you will get is an life-changing journey made possible by flexibility and mutual respect.

If you’re feeling frustrated during your surrogacy journey, it’s important to look at the situation from the other perspective and to communicate your needs. To help both parties come to an understanding, here are some things that everyone should know about compromise in surrogacy.

What Intended Parents Should Know

When you’re an intended parent, there are a lot of decisions that will be out of your control. This may be the hardest part about the journey altogether. It’s up to you to accept this and move forward for a successful surrogacy process.

Have faith that your surrogate knows what she’s doing and that she understands how important this process is. At the end of the day, you’re not the one carrying your child — so you’ll need to trust your surrogacy partner and her desires.

Please remember that it takes so much to become a surrogate. Helping hopeful parents grow their family takes considerable time and energy, and it comes with its own potential risks. Every pregnancy can take a physical toll on a body, and a surrogate pregnancy is no different.

When it comes to things like birth plans, prenatal care expectations and the timeline of the process, you may need make some sacrifices and lower your expectations. We know that you want to be involved in everything, but at the end of the day, you will need to take a step back and let your surrogate handle a few aspects of the process on her own.

Try to keep yourself busy and focus on your favorite things during her pregnancy. Use your free time to get reacquainted with some of your favorite hobbies and hang out with dear friends and family. The more time you spend thinking about things you enjoy, the less time you’ll be stressed out the pregnancy and how your baby is doing.

You should also take this time to focus on building and maintaining a relationship with your surrogate. Try to connect with her feelings; spend some time researching what it really takes to become a surrogate and everything that comes with this selfless decision. Putting yourself in her shoes will make your relationship that much stronger.

What Surrogates Should Know

It’s not easy being a surrogate, but you should always keep in mind the intended parents’ perspective, especially if they want to be involved in every little detail.

The countless questions might feel a little nosy, but try to understand where they’re coming from. For an intended parent, there is just so much out of their control. More likely than not, they’ve already been through several IVF treatments before deciding to pursue surrogacy. For them, this has been a lifelong dream in the making, and it can be tough to put their hopes and dreams in someone else’s hands.

Intended parents are thrilled that their dreams of having a baby are finally coming true. But, on the other hand, they’re probably feeling helpless, out of control, and left out of the loop. They may have different expectations for pregnancy and prenatal care than you, and that can be frustrating. However, remember that this baby you’re carrying is not yours — and you may have to compromise to put the intended parents at ease.

The intended parents may request that you take a variety of prenatal pills and get more exercise than you have in previous pregnancies. Your hospital preferences may not match up initially, either. Maybe you’ve only had natural, at-home births for your previous pregnancies, but the intended parents are much more comfortable with a hospital delivery. Remember that surrogacy is a partnership; you’ll need to find a compromise that everyone is comfortable with.

The important thing is to be flexible. Communicate with the intended parents to figure out what works for everyone. If something isn’t working for you, it’s important to be honest.

It may help to maintain boundaries in your relationship with the intended parents. Let them know they need to take a step back if you feel overwhelmed at their involvement. If it gets to be too much, you can always ask your surrogacy specialist for advice and support.

The Journey Ahead

We know that it won’t be easy to make some sacrifices along the way. But we promise all of your hard work will be worth it in the end.

If you can’t understand where your surrogacy partner is coming from, you can always ask your surrogacy specialist to help mediate. After all, that’s what they’re there for — to ensure a positive and respectful surrogacy partnership and journey.

Top 5 Pregnancy Apps for Intended Parents

When you’re an intended parent, making sure your baby is healthy is your top concern. But if you’re not the one carrying your child, you might be wondering how you can stay involved and not feel left out of this important process.

Enter pregnancy apps.

These tools are some of the best and easiest ways to keep everyone in the loop on the baby’s development and the surrogate’s experience. On top of being able to track the actual pregnancy, these apps also offer educational resources for parents before, during and after the big arrival.

Simply put: They’re perfect for any new parent, even those having a child via gestational surrogacy.

Is a Pregnancy App Right for Me?

Before we get into our suggested list, we should talk about when to use a pregnancy app.

As we mentioned earlier, these apps can be extremely helpful for involving intended parents in the pregnancy experience. They’re also one of the best ways to understand how your surrogate is feeling as the baby develops. And while many of them aren’t geared specifically toward surrogacy, they’re still a great way to feel connected to your baby, even if you’re not the one carrying him or her.

Keep in mind, however, that not all intended parents like using pregnancy apps — which is completely understandable. If you’re not carrying your child, you may not want to be reminded of the pregnancy milestones you’re missing out on. If you’d like to try it out, you can download a few; if they’re not what you’re looking for, there’s no harm in deleting them.

Ultimately, the decision to use a pregnancy app or not is entirely up to you. And, before you decide to use one, it might be helpful to make sure everyone is on board.

5 Pregnancy Apps to Consider

If you’ve been on the app store recently, you’ve probably noticed how many pregnancy apps there are to choose from. It’s a little overwhelming, to say the least.

To make your decision a little easier, we’ve listed five of the best pregnancy apps for intended parents to download.

1. Ovia Pregnancy Tracker

If you’re looking for an app that has a little bit of everything, from pregnancy to parenthood, this is a great one to check out!

There are tons of pregnancy articles to read through, along with tips for your gestational surrogate. The app also tells you about your surrogate’s body changes, the baby’s developments and fun baby tidbits. It also includes a quick pregnancy health assessment, so that you and your surrogate can be reassured that everything is going as planned.

Ovia also offers another app called Ovia Parenting: Baby Tracker, Breastfeeding Timer that may prove useful to new parents once the big day arrives.

2. BabyCenter: Pregnancy Tracker + Countdown to Baby Due Date

If you’ve been looking for pregnancy apps for a while, then you’ve probably come across the website BabyCenter.

A great resource for gestational surrogates and intended parents, this website offers personalized recommendations to help track your baby’s development. It also has a thriving community where you can find answers to some of the most important topics on pregnancy and the baby’s health.

Naturally, their app has some great information, as well. Like the name implies, the BabyCenter app counts down until your baby’s due date. Similar to the Ovia Parenting app, it’s filled with tips and videos for each stage of your gestational surrogate’s pregnancy. It also offers daily parenting advice, and you can keep track of all your baby’s firsts through the daily calendar.

3. What to Expect: Pregnancy & Baby Tracker

One of the most helpful book series for parents-to-be — “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” — now has a fantastic and convenient app to go with it.

Stuffed with helpful information, this app offers everything from daily reads to keep you informed to health tips as your surrogate progresses through the pregnancy. And, if you’ve already bought the book, this app is a great companion to keep on your phone and on the go.

4. The Bump Pregnancy Countdown

This app offers daily updates for pregnancy, along with updates for after the baby arrives. You can also find baby coupons and other savings in the perks section. There are also tons of helpful articles and product reviews, along with tools and resources for your gestational surrogate during the pregnancy.

Unlike other apps on this list, The Bump Pregnancy Countdown offers a 3D visualization of the baby’s growth, which is pretty cool to see if you’re curious.

5. ProDaddy

If you’re an intended father, then you’re probably looking for apps that have you in mind. The ProDaddy app, a pregnancy app just for dads, is just that.

With bite-sized weekly tips, Daddy Deep Dives about complex topics, and Products for ProDads, this tool is great for just about every new dad. Each article is a quick read, so it should only take you a few minutes to get through each one.

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Did you find any apps on this list that you’re interested in trying out? Remember, there are plenty of pregnancy apps to choose from. Do some research to find one that works best for you and your gestational surrogate, and enjoy the experience ahead!