What Happens if Your Baby Goes to the NICU?

Babies don’t come on a schedule. As much as we would all like our babies to be healthy, full-term infants, this isn’t always the case. Premature labor and delivery are always scary situations – but it’s even more so when you add in the complicated details of surrogacy.

Every year, about 15 million babies are born premature around the world. And, because many surrogacy journeys involve twins, the rate can be high in gestational surrogacy. While your surrogate and her doctor will do all they can to reduce the likelihood of a premature birth, it will still be a possibility.

If your baby is born premature and ends up in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU), you probably won’t know what to expect. Rest assured that your specialist will support you through this step, although most of the information will come from your child’s doctors.

Here are just a few things you might expect when your baby goes into the NICU after birth via surrogacy.

1. You’ll need to stay in the surrogate’s state a lot longer.

Most surrogacies take place across state borders. So, if your surrogate went into labor early, you were probably already trying to get to her quickly, with little time to prepare. Now that you’re here and your child is in the NICU, you will likely face a long stay in her state with no plan.

How long you stay in a surrogate’s state will depend on how long your child remains in the NICU. You’ll need to speak with your child’s doctor for guidance. Use whatever information you have to create a plan with your spouse or support person during this time.

Here are a few tips:

  • If you have older children, consider sending one spouse home to care for them and set up long-term care with a friend or relative.
  • Look at long-term, furnished apartment rentals to give yourself a “home base” during this uncertain time.
  • Look at your finances and make a budget for this stay. Your hospital costs will likely balloon during your child’s stint in the NICU, so save where you can. Consider reaching out to a financial advisor to stay one step ahead.
  • Ask your surrogate for suggestions on where to eat and stay in the area (more on that below).

2. Your child won’t look like you expect.

All intended parents dream of the time they first meet their children. None of those visions involve the scary sights associated with the NICU.

Your child will likely look impossibly small and fragile among all the wires and monitors required in the NICU. It’s a shock for any parent, but preparing yourself ahead of time can minimize those staggering emotions and help you jump right in to supporting your child. Remember that this is normal for a child in the NICU, although it may not be a “normal” sight for you.

Your child may not look how you imagined, but they are still your child – and they still deserve bravery and strength from their parents.

3. There will be strict NICU rules.

Babies in the NICU are dealing with a variety of health concerns, so a safe, sterile environment is critical in keeping them safe. Hospitals have strict policies on NICU visitation, and your child’s doctor will give you the information you need.

Visiting hours may be shortened, and hospitals may prohibit extended family members from visiting. You may be required to wear a hospital gown, mask or gloves when in the NICU, and you will be required to wash your hands diligently and frequently.

Depending on your child’s health, you may or may not be able to hold them right away. Even if you can’t hold your child, you may still be able to hold your baby’s hand, stroke their head and talk to them. Defer to your doctor’s advice about what is best for your child at this time, and be patient. Every recommendation from the hospital is designed to give your child the best start at life possible.

4. Your surrogate may be a greater support than you think.

Your surrogacy partnership doesn’t end after your baby is born. Most intended parents and surrogates create a genuine friendship during pregnancy, and that relationship often continues after birth, too.

Your surrogate will be just as worried about your baby as you, and she may even feel guilty that she couldn’t carry your child to term like she expected. Remind her that it’s not her fault and, if you feel comfortable, invite her to spend time with the baby in the NICU. This may help her emotional and physical recovery after birth.

Don’t forget that you are on the surrogate’s home turf. She will likely have many suggestions for places to eat and places to stay in the area, and she may even offer to go grocery shopping or run other errands for you during your NICU stay. Don’t be afraid to accept the support she gives; she will be trying to help however she can.

As always, if you ever have questions about your relationship with your surrogate, your specialist is only a phone call away.

5. You’ll need to look out for yourself, too.

When your baby is admitted into the NICU, it’s tempting to focus all of your energy on them. You’ll likely spend all the time you can by their side, going through the same motions of feeding, rocking, holding and just being there. But, as any caregiver will tell you, sitting by a hospital bed for 12 hours straight every day will get exhausting – and it will wear you down.

As tough as it can be, remember your own health during this time. Make sure you’re getting the rest you need, and don’t forget to keep a healthy intake of food and drink, even when you don’t feel like it. During a NICU stay, you will be grieving your original plans for bringing your child home, and that will impact your mental health. Lean on your partner, if you have one, and make a plan, so each of you can get a break. It can be hard to step away from your little one’s bedside, but remember that the doctors and nurses in the NICU are taking good care of your baby.

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As you navigate the NICU stay, remember that your specialist at American Surrogacy will always be there for you. They will be just as invested as you in your child’s health, so don’t be afraid to check in with updates and for support. We know how tough this time will be, which is why we will do our best to coordinate with your attorney and other surrogacy professionals and let you focus on your child’s health.

How Will Moving Affect Your Surrogacy Journey?

Moving is certainly a hassle — but, sometimes, you just can’t help it. Job changes, family emergencies and other unique circumstances may force you and your family to pack up your things when you least expect it.

When you’re in the middle of a surrogacy journey, moving will add a few wrinkles to your plan. In fact, depending on where and when you move, your experience may completely change. That’s why your first step should always be to let your surrogacy specialist know if moving may be in your family’s future — whether you’re just starting your journey or are already in the middle of it.

From there, your specialist will work with your attorney to determine what steps should be taken. Below, find just a few examples of how moving may affect your surrogacy plans:

The Applicable Laws May Change

If you (or your surrogacy partner) move states, it’s likely that the laws governing your process will change. While many states have legislation that is friendly to surrogacy (or simply don’t regulate the process at all), the nuances between each state’s legislation can cause hiccups.

Your attorney will research what laws will regulate the process in your new state. They may update your existing contract or, if necessary, create a whole new contract applying the laws in your new location.

Unfortunately, there are a few states in the U.S. where surrogacy is prohibited. If a surrogate moves to one of these states, it may endanger the legal agreement completely.

Again, keeping your specialist informed about any moves ahead of time will reduce complications and help them best assist you as your family navigates this new step.

You May Need a New Attorney

On the same note, when you move states, your old attorney may not be able to represent your interests anymore. Instead, you may be required to hire a new (or additional) attorney who better understands the laws of your new state and can best advocate for you. If additional steps like rewriting a contract are needed, your surrogacy journey may last longer than anticipated.

If you are considering moving states, let your surrogacy attorney know early, too. That way, they can refer you to any additional professionals you need in that state (or within the same state, if your attorney only works in one regional area).

You May Need to Redo Your In-Home Assessment

American Surrogacy reserves the right to complete in-home assessments for gestational carriers. If your family and house underwent one prior to starting the surrogacy journey, you may need to complete another one upon moving into your new residence.

As a reminder, these assessments are simply intended to confirm you can provide a safe environment for a pregnancy. A licensed social worker will sit down with you and your family to discuss your feelings on surrogacy and ensure all family members are supportive of this journey.

For more information about in-home assessments (and whether moving will require you to complete another), reach out to your surrogacy specialist.

We’ll Say It Again: If Moving, Notify Your Surrogacy Specialist Right Away

Whether you’re seriously considering moving or it’s just a blip on your radar right now, make sure to keep your surrogacy specialist updated on your plans. Starting to move without telling American Surrogacy can jeopardize your journey, whether you’re an intended parent or gestational carrier. But, when your specialist is aware of your family situation, they can stay on top of any changing requirements or steps needed to keep you and your surrogacy partner safe.

Remember: Your surrogacy specialist is always here to help you. Whatever big changes happen in your life during your surrogacy journey — moving, relationship changes, family deaths or additions — she will be here to support you and make any necessary adjustments. Keep your surrogacy specialist informed, and your experience with American Surrogacy will go much smoother!

5 Tips For Your First Meeting With Your Surrogacy Partner

Surrogacy is a life-changing journey for the intended parents and their surrogate. Once a match is made, things can progress quickly, especially when it comes to the relationship between both parties involved.

This is one of the great joys of surrogacy. Not only are you taking part in an amazing process, but you also have the opportunity to build a new relationship that could become a lifelong friendship.

But, you’re not there yet. Right now, you have to get through that very first meeting with your surrogacy partner. Just like any first meeting, things can be awkward! Adding the intimate nature of the surrogacy process to the “first date” jitters only makes it more difficult to know how to handle this meeting.

We’re here to help. Your connection with your surrogacy partner can be special. Here are five things to keep in mind when you meet for the first time.

1. Take it Slow

Take the pressure off yourself and your partner by setting appropriate expectations. There’s a temptation in these meetings to dive right into the deep end. You’re about to embark on a truly unique journey that will change everyone’s life. So, of course, it would be natural to talk all about that — and nothing else.. However, it’s best to avoid this.

Instead, try starting small. You’ll have a lot of time to talk about the big stuff. Keep in mind: You’re meeting for the first time! Just like any other relationship, you may need to begin with the basics.

You’re at the starting line of a marathon. So, take your time.

2. Make it Casual (and Keep it Short!)

Pick a low-key spot, like your favorite local coffee shop, for your first meeting with your surrogacy partner. It may be too soon to meet at one of your homes, and dinner can feel a bit uptight.

You want this first meeting to be casual, relaxed and (probably) short. A cup of coffee typically takes 30 to 45 minutes to sip — the perfect amount of time for a “get to know you” conversation and a good signal to everyone when the meeting is over.

3. Focus on Them

What’s dominating your mental space right now? If you’re at the beginning of your surrogacy journey, it’s probably the process that lies ahead. However, you should resist the urge to focus on the details of the process during your first meeting with your surrogacy partner. Otherwise, you could end up focusing on yourself for most of the conversation.

Try to get to know them. What do they do for work? Where did they grow up? What are their favorite past times? What do they enjoy talking about?

There will be plenty of time to talk about the process, your concerns and your desires. Use this time to get to know your partner. And remember — try to listen just as much (if not more) than you speak!

4. Accept the Awkward

It’s going to happen. One line of discussion is going to end, nobody will be ready to start the next one, and you’ll sit there silently for a few seconds — long enough for everyone to consciously recognize that you are experiencing a dreaded awkward moment.

It’s okay. This is nearly impossible to avoid, and you shouldn’t let it get to you. Don’t beat yourself up when it happens. Simply pick a new topic and move on.

5.  Make a Plan

When’s the next meeting? Should you be texting and calling? How frequently do you want to hear from each other?

Establishing expectations for communication can make the beginning of this relationship better for everyone.

This doesn’t need to be a detailed list of regulations. Rather, create clear boundaries that help everyone feel confident. This can help you know what’s expected in the early stages of this conversation and put you on a path toward a strong relationship.

You don’t need to be rigid when setting expectations. Plan the next meeting, and a simple, “I’ll reach back out this week to check in,” can get things started.

Learn More about Surrogacy

The surrogacy journey is unlike anything else you’ve experienced. If you’re in the process now, you know this to be true. If you are still considering whether or not surrogacy is right for you — as a surrogate or as an intended parent — we would love to talk.

Contact us online for more information or give us a call at 1-800-875-BABY (2229). Our specialists are eagerly awaiting your call.

What to Consider When Choosing an ART Attorney

There’s more than one way to become a parent. Assisted reproductive technology (ART) is becoming more common and widely accessible. This journey can be an incredible way to fulfill your dreams.

While becoming a parent through the surrogacy process is a deeply emotional journey, it is also a legal one. There are laws and regulations that need to be followed in order for any ART process to be completed successfully, legally and ethically. That’s why finding a good surrogacy attorney is so important.

This is true for intended parents and for women who are interested in becoming surrogates. This journey can change your life, and it’s important that you have a legal advocate looking out for your best interests.

Choosing a surrogacy attorney can feel overwhelming. It’s not like this is a decision you have prior experience with. Where do you even begin?

There are ways to make this choice easier. Intended parents and surrogates working with American Surrogacy will be referred to a trusted and experienced legal professional. However, the choice of which attorney to work with is still ultimately up to you.

Here are several things to consider when you’re mulling this over. Take your time selecting a legal professional — it can make or break your experience with this process.

Look for Experience

ART laws are constantly evolving, and they differ from state to state. It’s an area of practice that many family law offices are just beginning to specialize in. However, there are some who have been around longer than others.

You will want an attorney who knows their stuff — who has dedicated time and resources to becoming an expert in this area. Ask any potential attorney how long they have been practicing ART law and how many cases they handle in an average year. You can also ask if the attorney is a member of the Academy of Adoption and Assisted Reproductive Attorneys (AAAA).

This should weed out the offices that have simply tacked ART law onto their practice areas without really investing in it.

Learn Applicable Licensing Requirements

Each state has its own licensing requirements for attorneys, as well as unique surrogacy laws. If an attorney is not licensed in the right state, they will not be able to fulfill the necessary legal requirements of your process. For surrogacy, this means that the attorney should be licensed in the state the baby will be born. This may not be the state where you live if you are an intended parent. Keep this in mind as you consider lawyers to work with.

Pay Attention to How You Feel

While less technical than the other recommendations, this is no less important. How do you feel when you speak with the attorney? Do you feel safe or intimidated? Are you at ease or on edge?

Ask plenty of questions and trust your natural instinct. Peace of mind is an important feeling throughout this journey. You should work with an attorney who gives you confidence and makes you feel like everything is going to work out for the best — because it will!

Read Reviews

You can’t completely trust what people say online, but honest reviews do exist. Take a look at the reviews your attorney has on Google and other legal resource websites. Cross-reference any attorney you find on a search engine with the AAAA Directory.

While it may be uncomfortable, you could even ask about particular negative reviews you read. What happened there, and what has the office done to make things better?

Consider the Cost

Choosing an attorney is not the time for budget shopping. You get what you pay for, as the saying goes. Fees that seem too low to be true likely come with services that are less quality than desired.

With that said, it is important to understand your budget. Be honest about what’s doable for you. When you’re an intended parent, you are likely paying other agency fees and medical costs during the surrogacy process, and it’s important to not get in over your head financially. (If you’re a prospective surrogate, remember that your legal fees will always be paid for by your intended parents.)

When you ask an attorney about their costs, look for total transparency. Are these fees fixed? Will there be unexpected costs late in the process?

Some professionals will lure clients in with low-ball estimates only to spring hidden fees on them later in the process. A higher upfront cost with no hidden charges is preferable, and that is a sign you are working with an upstanding legal practice.

Learn More about Finding an Attorney for Surrogacy

One of the best ways to ensure you are working with a good surrogacy attorney is to also work with an excellent agency. American Surrogacy could be that agency for you.

It’s nearly impossible to start the surrogacy process on your own. By working with an agency, you can begin the journey and find a match for your process, either as a surrogate or as an intended parent.

Typically, all parties wait until a match is made to find an attorney. American Surrogacy can guide you up to this point, recommend trusted attorneys and stick with you through the end of the process.

Interested? Contact us today to learn more about starting your journey and finding the right ART attorney for you.

How COVID-19 Has Impacted International Surrogacy

It’s Time to Shift to Domestic Surrogacy

Despite the availability of surrogacy situations within the United States, many intended parents turn to other countries in search of a gestational surrogate. Now, as a result of the global COVID-19 pandemic, intended parents and surrogates around the world are experiencing the fallout.

Now and in the future, domestic surrogacy is the safest option for all involved.

Here are a few of the situations that international intended parents and surrogates have found themselves facing as a result of the ongoing pandemic:

Babies have been stuck in foreign makeshift nurseries.

Hundreds of children are in quarantine limbo, thousands of miles from their parents, who have yet to meet their baby. Nurses are caring for these stranded babies in temporary nurseries set up in hotels.

Many of these babies have been stuck for months while countries are restricting or banning international travel, and it’s still unknown when they’ll be able to go home.

Intended parents have been unable to travel to their surrogate or meet their newborn baby.

On the rare occasion when international travel has been permitted, intended parents have still been met with countless legal and financial hurdles. Intended parents who are immunocompromised may not be able to travel due to the risk of exposure to COVID-19.

New precautions by countries and airlines regarding intercountry travel have delayed or halted travel plans for intended parents, so many were too late for their baby’s birth, if they were able to arrive at all. Some are still waiting to meet their child, months after delivery.

Intended parents have become stuck in their surrogate’s country.

Some intended parents who scrambled to beat the oncoming travel bans arrived in their surrogate’s country to get their newborn baby, only to find that they were not allowed to return home. Many are still quarantining in hotels within their surrogate’s country, waiting for it to become possible to leave.

This has become financially straining for many families, and they’ve had to find ways to care for their newborn in a foreign country.

Surrogates have had to care for the intended parents’ baby.

Some gestational surrogates for international families have had to assume responsibility for the baby during the COVID-19 outbreak. But these women were not prepared to care for a newborn — they don’t have cribs, carriers, diapers or the essentials.

They also were not expecting or wanting to care for a baby, let alone someone else’s. Most of these women are also raising children of their own, so providing for another is a serious burden.

Fortunately, women have risen to the occasion with compassion, even though it’s not part of their job description.

6 Reasons Why Intended Parents and Surrogates Should Choose Matches Within Their Own Countries

If the horror stories of intended parents, surrogates and babies being stranded thousands of miles apart from one another due to COVID-19 weren’t enough to convince you that it’s time to look within our own countries for surrogacy situations, these six reasons for choosing domestic surrogacy will.

1. Fewer ethical concerns

Eliminating the exploitation of women in developing countries is always a concern. Surrogates within the United States are required to be financially stable without the assistance of surrogacy-related compensation they accept, so you know they’re doing this because they want to and not because they need to.

There will always be a group of people who do not feel comfortable with the concept of surrogacy as a whole, but knowing that their gestational surrogate is in a stable and positive situation in her life will put the minds of many intended parents at ease.

2. Improved opportunities for strong surrogate-intended parent relationships

Intended parents and gestational surrogates who were separated by countries and continents typically had little to no interaction with one another even before COVID-19. This experience creates less of a shared, emotionally-centered experience, and is more akin to a transaction.

The most commonly cited reason why U.S. women want to become surrogates is because they have a desire to help intended parents know the joys of parenthood. So getting to know the family they will be carrying for is an exciting and rewarding part of the experience.

Not only do intended parents and surrogates benefit when they forge a genuine connection, the child will one day have the opportunity to know a bit more about the woman who helped bring them to their parents.

3. Less traveling with vulnerable newborns

A newborn baby’s immune system is especially vulnerable. Traveling transcontinentally is stressful for a newborn, and a lengthy travel will increase the risk for exposure to illnesses, including COVID-19.

Intended parents who partner with surrogates within their own countries often have the option to return home by car after the birth of the baby, or at the very least will have a much shorter journey.

4. No language barriers

Intended parents must communicate with their surrogacy agency and relevant professionals in addition to communication with their surrogate. If there are language or cultural barriers standing in the way of any of these communications, it can have a number of concerning effects on the surrogacy process, including but not limited to:

  • Legal misunderstandings
  • Financial miscommunication
  • Travel complications
  • A less emotionally connected experience
  • A lack of information or confusion with updates regarding the baby and pregnancy
  • A lack of support for the intended parents and/or surrogate

5. Fewer legal concerns

International surrogacy has far more legal steps than a domestic surrogacy situation, similar to international adoption. Visas and passports must be obtained, agencies and professionals will need to jump through hoops in both the sending and receiving country and there may be legal citizenship issues now or in the future. Changes within a country’s policies on the matter can occur rapidly, leaving intended parents out of money and options in the middle of the process.

Although states within the U.S. are each going to have their own set of surrogacy laws, surrogacy within the U.S. is still much better regulated than it is in foreign countries. In such an important experience, the legal protection of everyone involved in the surrogacy process (especially the baby) is a primary concern.

6. Reduced cost

Without the high costs of international travel and lodging, intended parents will save money by choosing surrogacy situations within their own countries. Additionally, there are often more hidden costs in international surrogacy than the parents were aware of. Surrogacy can already be a costly process — adding international travel to the total is unnecessary when there are surrogacy situations available domestically, perhaps even nearby.

American Surrogacy exclusively works with U.S. intended parents and surrogates in an effort to avoid the aforementioned concerns. Want to learn more about domestic surrogacy within the United States? Contact American Surrogacy now, or start by viewing our available surrogate situations of waiting women located within the U.S.

Caring for Mental Health During COVID-19: Intended Parents

How to Practice Self-Care Throughout Your Surrogacy Journey

Becoming a parent through surrogacy is always an exciting but nerve-wracking experience. There is so much that is out of your control. Your baby’s health and safety are in the hands of a woman you may have only recently met (perhaps only virtually), and that can be a scary thought.

Now, with the global threat of COVID-19, there may feel like even more things to worry about as you try to grow your family through surrogacy. During these new and evolving times of social distancing and lockdowns, everyone’s mental health is feeling a little taxed. But when you’re in the midst of a surrogacy journey you’re even more stressed — and it’s important that you not neglect your emotional wellbeing.

Remembering to take time for self-care will not only help you mentally and physically, it’ll also help you be able to better emotionally support your gestational surrogate. We’re always most able to care for others when we first care for ourselves!

With that in mind, here are some tips to help you find some peace as you progress through the surrogacy process during COVID-19:

Find work-life balance when working from home.

If you’re able to work from home right now, it can be both a blessing and a curse. When you’re already stressed about your surrogacy process, it can be tempting to throw yourself into your work. You might find yourself replying to emails at 1 a.m., forgetting to have lunch when you’re trying to finish that project, or generally forgetting to “turn off” from work.

Try to establish your work routine and stick to it, so you can set your work down at the end of your day and be fully present in your home life. Set boundaries for yourself as to when you’re “at work” and when you’re “at home,” even if both are just in your living room!

Keep yourself healthy.

Not only will focusing on your physical health boost your immune system in the midst of a pandemic, you’ll also feel mentally and emotionally better if you’re taken care of physically.

In addition to the standard COVID-19 precautions of wearing masks, washing hands and social distancing, there are simple things you can do every day to help keep yourself physically healthy:

Don’t forget to exercise.

If you were a gym person before the pandemic, you’ve likely had to adjust how and where you work out. But don’t let your routine slip just because you’re at home!

Now is the perfect time to try something new in an effort to properly socially distance, or to start exercising more regularly in general. There are plenty of ways to stay active while maintaining a safe social distance, like:

  • Going for a walk or run
  • Riding bikes
  • Playing your favorite games in the yard with your family
  • A long play session with the dog
  • Yoga or pilates

Engage in your favorite hobbies.

Some of the things you enjoy the most can help you unwind and take your mind off of worrying about the surrogacy process. Plus, many hobbies can be enjoyed from home while we all social distance.

Now is also a great time to explore some new interests that you’ve always put off, like:

  • Getting more into cooking or baking
  • Reading something new
  • Getting crafty, like learning to knit or sew
  • Hopping into new exercise routines
  • Playing games with friends remotely
  • Trying your hand at music, drawing, writing, etc.
  • Starting up a jigsaw puzzle

It might seem silly, but taking time for hobbies (whether small amusements or lifelong passions) can give your mental health a serious boost.

Set aside time to relax.

Many people are juggling work, kids being home and now a surrogacy journey. It can feel like there aren’t enough hours in the day.

But try to make relaxation one of your priorities. Surrogacy is an emotional and often busy experience. Set aside even just a few minutes of every day to relax, slow your heart rate and calm your mind.

Find whatever works for you, but consider:

  • Meditation or prayer
  • Sitting outside and just taking in your surroundings free of distractions
  • Going for a walk
  • Taking a long bath
  • Treating yourself to a quick spa-style pampering session at home
  • Having a slow cup of tea
  • Trying breathing exercises
  • Stretching out any physical tension

Talk it out with your loved ones.

Whether you want to vent out some stress about surrogacy, or you’d like to chat about anything but surrogacy to take your mind off of it, calling up your friends or family can be helpful. If you’re married, continuing to openly communicate and strengthen your relationship will be even more important as you work to grow your family.

Now more than ever, it’s important to find ways to stay close and connected, even while we’re apart. A video chat with someone you haven’t caught up with in a while may be just what you’ve both been needing.

What’s better to calm your worries than hearing words of reassurance from someone you love and trust?

Get to know your surrogate from a distance.

When you’re not able to meet or spend time together in person, it can be hard for the reality of surrogacy and pregnancy to sink in for you. Additionally, the relationship between the intended parents and surrogate is important — you’re sharing an intimate and personal experience.

Feeling like you know your surrogate well and that you have a strong connection will help you to feel more at ease and trusting during a particularly scary time. This is the perfect opportunity to get to know one another through phone calls, video chats, texts, emails, photos or whatever everyone prefers.

You can talk about the process, the baby, what you’ve all been up to during quarantine, each others’ families, or just about your shared interests. Talking with your surrogate can be reassuring and fun, and it’ll help you remember to feel excited about this experience rather than stressed out!

Try not to obsess.

Having this child is going to be on the forefront of your mind. It can be easy for surrogacy to consume your thoughts, and it can even more easily spiral into obsessive worrying, especially with fears of COVID-19.

But if you’re spending too much time worrying about whether or not your surrogate and her medical team are taking proper precautions against the virus, or you’re focusing too much on the anxieties of surrogacy, then it’s time to take a step back. Your mind can be your own worst enemy right now.

When you feel like you’re starting to obsess, take a moment to breathe and refocus that energy elsewhere. Anything that gives you a mental vacation from surrogacy can be beneficial:

  • Call up a friend and talk about something other than surrogacy for a while.
  • Grab the remote and binge a new series.
  • Tackle a home project that you’ve been putting off.
  • Take a break from baby preparations.
  • Take a short road trip to your favorite park or camping spot.

Lean on your American Surrogacy specialist.

We’ll always be here to support you. Reach out if you have questions or concerns regarding COVID-19 and your surrogacy process, or about your journey in general.

Remember that you’re not facing this on your own. You’re in good hands. Your specialist is doing everything they can to protect your child, and to make sure you and your surrogate have a safe, healthy and positive experience.

7 Tips for a Healthy Pregnancy During COVID-19

How Gestational Surrogates Can Protect Themselves (and Stay Sane)

Becoming a gestational surrogate has always been an exciting, but stressful, experience. Now, with the COVID-19 pandemic, it’s even more so.

How can you protect yourself, your family and the intended parents’ baby?

You already know how to have a healthy and positive pregnancy, but the coronavirus brings new challenges. Here’s how you can enjoy a healthy and happy pregnancy and surrogacy journey, even in the midst of global pandemic:

1. Follow the CDC Guidelines

This is a fairly obvious tip, but is nonetheless important for everyone.

Remember to:

  • Stay home as much as possible.
  • Limit contact with people outside your household.
  • Wear your mask when in public.
  • Wash your hands frequently.
  • Try to maintain a six-foot distance from others.
  • Immediately call your doctor if you experience any symptoms of COVID-19.

While it’s easy for you to control your own vigilance in adhering to the prescribed precautions, it’s harder to enforce it upon others. Remind your family members to keep up with the same safety measures, so they don’t expose you to the illness or become sick themselves.

2. Keep Up With Your Prenatal Appointments

You’re probably a little hesitant to go to the doctor’s office or the fertility clinic right now. But skipping necessary appointments isn’t really an option, either.

Ask your doctor to arrange telemedicine appointments whenever possible to help limit your risk of exposure. There will, of course, still be plenty of appointments that you must attend in person. When you do go into a clinic or hospital, always follow the CDC-recommended precautions and adhere to your doctor’s new COVID-19-related policies.

Your doctor’s office will likely ask you to keep your mask on and wash your hands before and after entering the building, and they’ll probably take your temperature before you come in. It’s also a good idea to call ahead and ask about their policy regarding people accompanying you. If your spouse or the intended parents wish to be at an appointment, you’ll want to know whether or not they’ll be permitted to go with you before you all show up.

3. Designate a Person to Help With Groceries and Errands

To help reduce unnecessary potential exposure to COVID-19, you may want to ask your spouse or another trusted loved one to handle the shopping and errands for your family for a while.

You might consider grocery delivery when possible and try to limit trips to necessary shops. You might also remind your designated shopper to be extra careful with the standard COVID-19 precautions — remind them to wear a mask in the store, to wash their hands before and after their shopping trip and to try to stay six feet away from others. Wiping down shopping carts before use is also a helpful prevention measure.

Because you can’t control how well your designated helper protects themselves while they’re out and about on your behalf, ask someone who you trust. You might even consider organizing a person to bring the essentials to your elderly or immunocompromised neighbors, too, so you could all help to pay your shopper while getting what you need and staying safe.

4. Get Your Exercise In

Many gyms are still shut down, and it can be hard to find new ways of exercising while social distancing. However, it’s important to keep moving. Exercise is necessary for your mental and emotional health, as well as your physical well-being.

Regular, low-impact exercise is even more important for women who are planning to become pregnant or who are already pregnant.

A few simple ways to get active while staying cautious during COVID-19 could include:

  • Taking the kids or pets for a long walk or bike ride
  • Going for a jog on a quiet trail
  • Trying out some YouTube workout sessions in the living room or yard
  • Playing some casual sports with your family in the yard or in a spaced-out area of the park

Even just 20 minutes of activity can keep you (and your family) feeling healthy, strong and positive.

5. Continue to Hydrate and Eat Healthily

A lot of us are succumbing to unhealthy snacking and are getting sick of cooking during the pandemic! Even though you’ve been cooped up, try to focus on eating healthily and drinking plenty of water throughout the day.

If you need some help, rope your family members in for meal preparation. It’s hard to remember to eat healthy when you’re busy caring for children and handling daily tasks, so it’s alright to ask for some help.

Your physical, mental and emotional state will benefit from it, and staying healthy will boost your immune system.

6. Take Time to Care for Your Mental Health

These are stressful times. And while becoming a surrogate has always been a very emotional experience, those natural worries and feelings are now intensified by the threat of the pandemic.

It has always been important to reduce your stress if you are pregnant or planning to become pregnant. But with more stressors at hand, it’s even more important for you to take care of yourself mentally and emotionally. Your mental and emotional state also has a large impact on your physical health.

With kids at home and day-to-day tasks to deal with, it can be hard to set aside “you time,” but start considering it as part of your health routine. Even 15 minutes of relaxation per day can make a difference in your mood and overall well-being.

Try to make some time for whatever recharges and relaxes you, whether that’s:

  • Taking a soothing bath
  • Reading someplace quiet
  • Going for a walk
  • Listening to a podcast or some music
  • Engaging in your favorite hobby
  • Getting some exercise
  • Taking time for meditation or prayer
  • Or catching a quick nap

Try to limit your stress as much as possible, and try to make some extra time for rest and relaxation.

7. Remind Those Around You to Adhere to the Appropriate Precautions

This is something you have less control over, but it is still vital for minimizing your risk of exposure to COVID-19 and illnesses in general.

You may need to limit the number of people you come into contact with during your surrogacy journey. Try to stay within your “quarantine bubble,” and when you are around people outside of that “bubble,” ask them to follow the CDC’s recommendations for coronavirus prevention. Now may not be the best time to have people over for a backyard barbecue, but you and your family still have to go out into the world to function sometimes!

It can be awkward to ask others to wear their masks, wash their hands around you, or ask them to keep a six-foot distance — but you have the perfect (and very valid) excuse of being a gestational surrogate who must be overly cautious of her health.

It’s even more important for the people in your “quarantine bubble” to adhere to precautions when they leave the home, so they don’t expose themselves and then spread the virus to you. It can be tough to get your children to take the necessary precautions or for your spouse to completely eliminate risk of exposure if they’re back at work. Just ask that they all do their best, and encourage them to continue to use caution as much as possible.

It’s still safe to become a gestational surrogate or to continue your surrogacy journey during this pandemic. Just remember to take care of yourself and exercise reasonable caution! You can always contact your American Surrogacy specialist with any questions or concerns about how the coronavirus may affect your pregnancy and journey as a surrogate.

A Guide to Virtual Surrogacy Meetings During COVID-19

How to Strengthen Intended Parent-Surrogate Relationships During COVID-19

In the midst of this global pandemic, people are having to find new ways to connect and communicate. Despite these scary times, families are still being created — intended parents and prospective gestational surrogates are beginning to move forward in their surrogacy journeys again.

If you’re a hopeful parent or a prospective surrogate who is still in the early stages of the process, the “match” experience of meeting and getting to know one another is probably going to look different as a result of COVID-19. It’s harder for people to travel, and safety should always be the first priority. Getting to know one another face-to-face will have to wait.

Surrogacy is a very personal and intimate journey shared between two families, so it’s important to grow a connection with your surrogacy partner, whether intended parent or surrogate. Fortunately, technology has made it easier than ever to share this life-changing experience across distances.

Whether you’re “meeting” your prospective surrogacy partner for the first time, or you’d like to find ways to stay in touch throughout the process while still social distancing, here are some easy tips for navigating your virtual surrogacy chats:

Remember that your specialist will be there to help.

The first time the intended parents and surrogate talk is always a little nerve-wracking for everyone involved. But don’t worry about things feeling awkward — your American Surrogacy specialist will be ready to help guide the conversation so everyone feels comfortable and confident moving forward.

Once you’re past the first introductions, conversations in a good match will come easily. Earlier “meetings” are a great time to get to know one another in a lighter, casual, friendly way — it’s important that both surrogacy partners feel that they can trust one another, and feel excited to share a surrogacy journey with one another.

Your surrogacy specialist will always be available if you need help navigating your surrogate-intended parent relationship, but that first virtual meeting is a good time to exchange contact information for more informal talks in the future.

Establish a schedule.

Even if the intended parents and/or the prospective surrogate are working from home right now, it can still be hard to find a time when you’re all available to talk. Many people are juggling work and kids at the moment.

Talk with your surrogacy partner and see if you can find a day and time where you’re all available. After the first few initial virtual meetings, you may find that even a quick 15 or 20-minute check-in chat is enough to keep one another up-to-date.

The frequency of your scheduled meetings will vary based on everyone’s availability and comfort level. Some intended parent-surrogate partnerships have a virtual meeting every couple of weeks, while others may just set up a monthly call.

Write down questions ahead of time.

You probably have plenty of questions for each other, ranging from serious to casual and light:

  • Why did you choose surrogacy?
  • What kind of intended parent-surrogate relationship are you envisioning?
  • What do you need from me throughout this journey?
  • What’s your family like?
  • What are your interests?

However, in the excitement of the moment, you may forget to ask something you were anxious to know! Write down questions or things you’d like to mention as you think of them, and have that list handy when you “meet.”

Hopefully the conversation will flow easily, you’ll learn a lot about each other and you won’t have to worry too much about checking questions off of your list.

Perform a trial run with your tech.

There are few things more frustrating than a spotty internet connection, laggy video or fuzzy audio when you’re trying to talk with someone. You don’t want to “show up” at your appointed time only to find that your FaceTime, Skype, or Zoom isn’t working correctly. Here are a few tips to help prevent technological difficulties the day of:

  • Make sure you know how to confidently use the platform you’ll be talking through.
  • Check that you’re getting a sufficient WiFi signal.
  • Test-call a friend or family member the day before, to make sure that they can hear and see you correctly.

Modern methods of communicating have revolutionized the way we’re able to connect with others, but only if they work as they should! It can take a few practice runs before you get the hang of it.

Embrace video calls.

There are a lot of advantages of virtual meetings via FaceTime, Skype, Zoom, Google Hangouts calls, etc.:

  • You’ll be able to see one another — being able to see each others’ faces as you speak is an overlooked, but important, aspect of communication between people.
  • You can virtually meet each others’ families.
  • You can take little home tours, so surrogates can see the baby’s future nursery and intended parents can see where their baby will be staying in-utero.
  • As the pregnancy progresses, the intended parents can see the physical changes that their surrogate is experiencing, so you can all be a part of the journey together (even while apart).

Virtual meetings can be fun, as well as helpful!

Feel free to mix up communication methods.

Some surrogates and intended parents are comfortable with sticking to consistent, established meetings through video chat or phone calls. Others prefer to keep in touch less formally, but with the option to check in more frequently through quick texts or emails. You can even send one another photos or letters from your side of the surrogacy process.

Virtual meetings through video can be great, but feel free to explore other methods of communication and find what works best for you.

Despite the necessary limitations that COVID-19 has imposed on the world, we’re all still finding ways to remain close to one another. Your American Surrogacy specialist will help you and your surrogacy partner communicate however you can during these changing times. You can always contact us if you need help navigating this new aspect of your surrogacy journey.

How COVID-19 May Impact Your IVF Journey

6 Questions Intended Parents Should Ask Themselves Before Resuming Surrogacy

As IVF and surrogacy procedures slowly resume with new precautions and policies, intended parents are more nervous than ever about restarting their journey to parenthood. There are new physical, emotional and financial concerns to consider.

Whether you’re eager to get back on track as soon as possible or you’re unsure if now is the time to start the IVF and surrogacy process, you’ll need to ask yourself some important questions. When considering how COVID-19 might affect your IVF and surrogacy journey and deciding whether or not you’re ready to resume it, you should ask yourself these six questions:

1. Are your fertility savings still stable?

Aside from the devastating health toll COVID-19 has taken throughout the world, it’s also had an economic impact. If you or your spouse lost your job, or if you took a financial hit as a result of coronavirus, then you may not be as financially ready to begin IVF and surrogacy as you were before.

Your total costs of IVF and surrogacy are going to be fluid, due to medical factors. You may find that your embryos are not viable, it may take several rounds of IVF to produce a viable embryo, or your surrogate may need several rounds of embryo transfers before a successful implantation. All this may mean that you’ll spend more or less than you anticipated.

You’ll need to examine how your IVF and surrogacy savings have been affected by the pandemic and then decide if you’re able to move forward right now, given any financial changes you may have experienced. Has your budget for IVF and surrogacy remained the same?

2. What are your fertility clinic’s policies regarding COVID-19?

In the early days of the pandemic, fertility clinics ceased operations in an effort to prevent the spread of the virus. IVF procedures were temporarily suspended. Now, clinics are opening back up and resuming IVF — but with new policies in place to keep everyone (including your embryos) safe.

Each hospital, doctor’s office and fertility clinic will have their own COVID-19 policies. What are the policies at your clinic? How will those policies affect you and your surrogate?

Work with your American Surrogacy specialist to learn about your clinics’ policies before you move forward. Make sure that you feel comfortable with the precautions that they are taking.

3. What happens if someone within your surrogacy partnership contracts COVID-19 mid-cycle?

The health of those involved in this surrogacy journey always comes first. So if you, your spouse, your surrogate, or an immediate member of either or your families were to contract COVID-19 during the process, what happens? Would you still move forward once that person had recovered? Can you wait that long?

This is something that you’ll all need to discuss with your American Surrogacy specialist. In this changing world, it’s important to talk about this scenario together and create a concrete plan of how you will want to proceed.

4. Are you comfortable having a woman become pregnant with your child right now?

It always takes some faith when allowing someone else to carry your baby. Are you prepared to trust someone in protecting themselves (and your baby) against COVID-19?

The woman who will be carrying your child will need to spend a good amount of time in doctor’s offices and hospitals throughout the surrogacy process and pregnancy. Even though all surrogates take the health and safety of themselves and the baby very seriously, and yours will be taking all the prescribed precautions to avoid exposure to illnesses, she’ll still need to have quite a few in-person visits at medical facilities.

Whenever possible, telemedicine appointments may take place. However, there are some doctor’s visits that will, of course, need to occur in the office.

Additionally, you’ll need to consider if you’ll be comfortable with a number of scenarios:

  • What if she’s an essential worker?
  • What if her children or spouse are back to school or work?
  • What if she lives in a coronavirus “hotspot”?
  • What if she and her family need to travel?

Your surrogate will do her utmost to protect herself, and by proxy, your baby from COVID-19. But there will always be moments when all of us must go out into the world to function.

Would you be able to accept that and trust her to protect herself, her family and your baby?

5. Are you prepared to miss some important moments with your surrogate and baby?

In an effort to maintain social distance and prevent the spread of the virus, you probably won’t see your surrogate in person as much as you would before COVID-19.

Additionally, hospital and medical clinic policies may prevent one or both of you from being with your surrogate during milestones like embryo transfers, sonograms, or possibly even labor and delivery.

For some intended parents, surrogacy is a chance to experience pregnancy alongside their surrogate. You’ll need to decide if you’re willing to miss out on some of these moments in favor of growing your family more quickly.

6. How do you think your emotional and mental health will handle egg retrieval and/or IVF at the moment?

Right now, everyone is under more stress than usual. The early stages of surrogacy’s medical process are always stressful for everyone involved, but in the midst of a global pandemic, it’s understandably even more so.

Consider how you’ll feel during your contributions to the IVF process and as you await the results of your surrogate’s embryo transfer. With the added stressors of COVID-19, you’ll want to make sure that you’re emotionally ready to move forward — so that you can be the best support person for your surrogate.

If you have any questions or concerns about resuming the IVF and surrogacy process, contact American Surrogacy now. Your specialist will help you consider your readiness and can walk you through how COVID-19 will and won’t affect your journey.

How COVID-19 May Impact Your Prenatal Visits and Hospital Plans

A Surrogate’s Guide to Changing Policies & Recommendations

Beginning or continuing the surrogacy process as a gestational surrogate is still very possible for you, even in the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic. However, there will be a few changes. Social distancing and safety measures may affect your hospital experience, interactions with the intended parents, prenatal checkups and surrogacy-related medical appointments, and more.

It can be upsetting to have your carefully made plans and excitement marred by an experience that isn’t quite what you imagined. But the health and safety of everyone involved, especially you and the baby, are what come first.

Here are some changes you may notice as you move forward in your journey as a gestational surrogate, as well as quite a few things that won’t be changed by COVID-19:

Your Time with Your Intended Parents

If your match is long-distance and the intended parents live in another city or state, many of your day-to-day interactions wouldn’t have been in-person anyway. Gestational surrogates and intended parents most commonly communicate through phone calls, video chats, texts or emails.

However, due to social distancing measures, you and the parents may not be able to have as much face-to-face bonding as other surrogate-parent partnerships might have had before COVID-19. Do your best to get to know one another and build that connection through other means — start a casual Words With Friends game with one another, swap a couple recipes to try out or send them letters “from” their baby throughout your pregnancy in addition to your virtual conversations. It can be fun, and you’ll hopefully get to know one another a bit better, even when you can’t meet in person.

Having the intended parents present for the baby’s birth is one of the most rewarding moments for a gestational surrogate and one of the most exciting moments for the new parents. But some hospitals may have policies about how many people can be in the room with you during your labor and delivery. This may mean that only one intended parent may accompany you, or neither of them, so that your spouse can be with you. This is something that we’ll touch on more momentarily, but that you’ll want to ask your hospital about in advance.

Your Prenatal Medical Care and Surrogacy-Related Medical Appointments

Contact your OB-GYN and your fertility clinic to ask about their COVID-19 policies. Do they prefer minor check-ins to be conducted virtually? Are you allowed to bring the intended parents or your spouse? If they do have new policies regarding COVID-19 prevention, you’ll want to know about it before the intended parents or your spouse come with you to these appointments and have to wait in the car!

Of course, in-person visits will be unavoidable throughout your surrogacy process. For these, you’ll want to bring a mask and sanitize your hands before and after your appointment. The doctor’s office or clinic will likely take your temperature before you enter, in addition to other precautions.

Your Hospital and Delivery Experience

Hospital policy regarding labor and delivery during this time will vary. Some hospitals, for example, will limit the number of visitors you may have during your labor, delivery and recovery. At other hospitals, they’ll simply take more precautions — like taking the temperature of visitors and asking that everyone wash their hands and wear masks.

In more extreme situations, surrogates have had to choose just one intended parent to have with them in the delivery room, or just the surrogate’s spouse was in the room to support them. This can be tough for everyone involved if your hospital has this type of policy. While American Surrogacy hasn’t encountered this yet, policies simply depend on the hospital and the rapidly changing pandemic situation.

Check in with your American Surrogacy specialist and your intended parents. Together, you’ll communicate with your chosen hospital to determine any changes that might need to be made to your ideal birth plan. It’s best to talk about these plans in advance, so you aren’t caught off guard when you go to the hospital and discover that they have a new COVID-related policy that affects you.

Your Precautionary Measures for Health and Safety

You already know how to stay healthy and safe when you’re planning to become pregnant (or are pregnant), even before the coronavirus became a factor. And everyone, not just pregnant women, should be taking appropriate measures to reduce and slow the spread of COVID-19 by staying at home as much as possible, social distancing, frequently washing hands and wearing masks when around others.

But now, carefully adhering to preventative measures regarding COVID-19 is especially important for gestational surrogates and the people around them.

The CDC states that “pregnant people appear to have the same risk of COVID-19 as adults who are not pregnant. However, much remains unknown. We do know that pregnant people have had a higher risk of severe illness when infected with viruses that are similar to COVID-19, as well as other viral respiratory infections, such as influenza.

“We also know that pregnant people have changes in their bodies that may increase their risk of some infections. Therefore, if you are pregnant, it is always important for you to try to protect yourself from illnesses whenever possible.”

As for increased risks to newborns, very little is known at this time, but they may be more likely to suffer from severe illness stemming from the virus, similar to pregnant people.

The main takeaway: Protect yourself from illness just as you would with any pregnancy, but continue to:

  • Stay home when possible
  • Wash your hands often
  • Practice social distancing
  • Wear your mask when around anyone outside of your “quarantine bubble”
  • Remind your immediate family members to do the same in order to protect one another

You’ll need to be cautious about who you, and your family, come into contact with. Your family will need to practice the same safety measures as you to prevent them from contracting the virus and potentially spreading it to you. You probably aren’t at any greater risk than anyone else, but everyone should take reasonable precautions, regardless.

You can’t keep yourself in a bubble throughout the entirety of your surrogacy journey, and no one is expecting you to do so. However, being extra vigilant about reducing your exposure and increasing hygiene steps can help mitigate the risk of contracting or spreading the virus during your surrogacy experience.

If you have any questions about how COVID-19 may affect you as a surrogate — including through IVF, pregnancy, delivery and more — don’t hesitate to contact your American Surrogacy specialist. Remember: Becoming a surrogate or continuing your surrogacy process is still safe, as long as you continue to practice the prescribed basic health and safety measures.