How to Cope With Feelings of Jealousy During the Surrogacy Process

The surrogacy process comes with all kinds of unique challenges that most people haven’t faced. There are unique joys, as well. But, as an intended parent, you are likely to feel a whole range of emotions on this journey to parenthood.

One of the more difficult obstacles for many intended parents, especially intended mothers, is the feeling of jealousy. It can come on quickly and without warning, leaving you wondering why you feel this way and what to do about it. This is what you wanted, after all. You chose surrogacy. So why do you feel jealous of the surrogate carrying your baby?

There’s a lot to unpack here, but the most important thing for you to know is this: What you are feeling is completely natural.

Feelings of jealousy during the surrogacy process are common. It is okay to feel the way you are feeling. As you process your emotions and find the best way forward, here are several things to consider.

Don’t Deny What You Are Feeling

Desiring the special connection that comes with carrying your child is completely natural. That desire may manifest in the form of jealousy during a surrogacy process. Don’t try to squash that feeling or pretend it doesn’t exist. Acknowledge this completely normal emotion and give yourself grace as you deal with it.

Attempting to ignore your feelings with just leave them to fester and grow, which could create a rift in your relationship with the surrogate, making the whole process much more difficult and frustrating.

Set Boundaries in Conversations

People are going to have a lot of questions about your surrogacy process. On the one hand, they are asking because they care. Of course, you want to be kind and, to the extent you are comfortable, let people into your life. They can be there to provide support and encouragement for you.

It’s also important to set boundaries on these conversations. Some feelings are best kept private. It’s up to you where this line is. Listen to your emotions. What makes you uncomfortable to discuss? You always have the right to not answer questions.

Remind Yourself of the Positives

You’re about to be a parent! This is an exciting time in life. You shouldn’t deny the hard parts of the process or pretend those challenges don’t exist. But focusing solely on the bad erases all of the good. There’s a lot of good right now, too!

The joys of parenthood bring some of the most fulfilling moments in life. The memories you are making now, and the many memories you will make in the years to come, will be amazing. Meditate on the many blessings this process will ultimately bring to your life. Focusing on the positive can help your feeling gradually shift.

Find Ways to Create Excitement

The surrogacy process is going to feel all-consuming when you are in it. However, you still have the rest of your life. Find ways to remind yourself of all the other things you have going for you. Go on a date with your partner. Spend time with family and friends. Grab a happy hour drink with coworkers.

Whatever you need to do to remind yourself that life is big, beautiful and fun — do it. Taking your mind off the process, even if only for a couple hours, can be refreshing and rejuvenating.

You Can Have a Great Relationship with Your Surrogate

One of the best ways to thwart jealousy is having a strong relationship with your surrogate. You shouldn’t expect to be best friends. But, you can be friends. As you develop a bond, you’ll begin to see your surrogate for who she really is — a complex person with strengths and flaws, not just a woman carrying your baby. This perspective will make it easier to avoid feelings of jealousy because you care about who she is as a person, not just as a surrogate.

There are many strategies for developing this relationship, and American Surrogacy would be happy to talk through them with you.

Have Questions?

These are challenging feelings to figure out. If you have more questions and would like to speak with us, you can call 1-800-875-BABY(2229) or contact us online at any time. We would be happy to talk with you about what you are experiencing. Or, if you are still considering surrogacy and doing your research, we’d be happy to answer any of your questions.

What Role Does Outside Monitoring Play in Gestational Surrogacy?

When you prepare for the medical process of surrogacy — either as a surrogate or an intended parent — there are a lot of new, confusing terms to learn. In addition to all of the medical phrases and procedures, there may be one other phrase you’ve never heard of before: “outside monitoring.”

Any kind of “monitoring” can be scary, especially when it involves the health of a surrogate and an unborn baby. But outside monitoring is nothing to be worried about. In fact, it’s a common part of the surrogacy medical process and one that our specialists coordinate on behalf of clients all the time.

Remember: If you ever have any questions about your upcoming medical journey, you can always talk to your reproductive endocrinologist or call your American Surrogacy specialist anytime. In the meantime, we’ve answered some frequently asked questions about outside monitoring below to help you learn more.

What is Outside Monitoring?

“Outside monitoring” refers to medical screening and appointments that are not performed at an intended parent’s fertility clinic. Most pre-surrogacy medical services — including screening and embryo transfer — are completed by the intended parent’s reproductive endocrinologist for ease of recordkeeping and information-sharing, but this is not always possible, often in long-distance surrogacy partnerships. In these cases, outside monitoring is used.

Typically, outside monitoring occurs at a fertility clinic or laboratory close to the gestational carrier. Outside monitoring most often involves preparing a carrier for embryo transfer. A medical professional at this clinic will measure a surrogate’s uterine lining and confirm that her body is ready for embryo transfer with certain blood tests and ultrasounds. After these tests are completed, that medical professional will pass along the information to the intended parent’s reproductive endocrinologist, who will review the records and decide whether the embryo transfer should be scheduled.

Why is Outside Monitoring Necessary?

Outside monitoring is not necessary in every journey, but it is required in most. Because the United States is so geographically large, and because we often match surrogates and intended parents across state lines, it’s simply not feasible to have a surrogate travel to their intended parent’s clinic for every medical screening. And remember — even surrogates who match with an intended parent in their same state may have to go out-of-state to visit the intended parent’s clinic!

Outside monitoring makes the process easier for all involved. It allows a surrogate to take less time away from work and her family for appointments than if she were forced to travel to the fertility clinic for every little medical screening. It saves the intended parents money on travel and lodging costs for those visits. In short, it makes everyone involved much happier.

Don’t worry — if you’re a surrogate, you’ll still be compensated appropriately for any medical screenings completed after your contract is signed. This could include lost wages, childcare and more. Make sure you discuss this with your attorney and specialist during the legal contract stage to ensure you receive the reimbursement you deserve.

How Do You Find an Outside Monitoring Professional?

If the intended parent’s fertility clinic is not conveniently located for a surrogate, she will need to locate an outside monitoring clinic or laboratory to complete her pre-transfer screenings and tests. But, finding the right professional can be complicated, especially if this is her first experience with the surrogacy process.

Fortunately, American Surrogacy is always here to help. When you work with our agency, our specialists will help you locate the right outside monitoring clinic for your needs. If you’re a surrogate, we will help you find a clinic that is conveniently located. And, if you’re an intended parent, we will help coordinate the sharing of records and other information during these pre-transfer screenings.

If a surrogate lives in an urban area, an outside monitoring clinic will be easy to find. While some fertility clinics will not work with surrogates who are not their patients, there are many laboratories and physicians who will be happy to complete the necessary pre-surrogacy procedures.

If a surrogate lives in a more rural area, outside monitoring may be a bit more difficult to locate. If there are no nearby monitoring clinics, intended parents should be prepared to pay for additional travel and compensation costs for these procedures — especially if an outside monitoring clinic requires a long drive and an overnight stay.

Whatever your situation, know that your specialist at American Surrogacy will always be on your side. They will help coordinate the details of outside monitoring and ensure all parties are safe and provided for during this step in the medical process. While these initial steps can be inconvenient and frustrating at times, remember that they are important in the long-term process to ensure a surrogate’s pregnancy is as healthy as possible — and that a healthy baby is born at the end!

For more information about the medical process of surrogacy, or how American Surrogacy will guide you through your journey, please call 1-800-875-BABY(2229) or contact us online.

5 Tips for Extended Family to Get to Know a Surrogate

You’re just received the good news from someone special in your family — they’re about to start the surrogacy process as an intended parent! Although it’s probably a shock at first, we bet you’re over the moon and can’t wait to meet the newest addition to your beautiful family.

You already know your family member pretty well (we hope!) But how exactly are you supposed to get to know their surrogate? And how will you involve and include them in your own family?

Whether you’re an aunt-to-be, a close cousin, or soon-to-be grandparents for the first time, below are some tips for doing just that.

Tips for Getting to Know a Surrogate

1. Try to Put Her Needs First

For our first tip, we want to remind you that getting to know a surrogate should be based around her comfort level. We know that you’re understandably excited and that you have plenty of questions that you can’t wait for her to answer. But, she might not be ready for that right away.

The surrogacy process is a big change for intended parents, but it can also be equally overwhelming (if not more so) for a surrogate. We know that rejection is hard for everyone, but try not to take it personally when you’re feeling left out. It’s not because of you or anything you did.

After giving a surrogate enough space, she may come around — and be just as excited to get to know you, too!

2. Enjoy a Family Meal

Good food brings good people together! Sitting down for a meal is a great way to ease some of the first-meeting jitters.

Start by asking the intended parents what their surrogate’s favorite meal is. You can also share some of your own favorite recipes with her.

If she’s comfortable with the idea, you can invite more of your family and friends over for the gathering. Of course, don’t forget to look up what foods are safe for pregnant women to eat if you need a reminder!

3. Do an Activity Together

There are plenty of fun ways to get to know each other. Take a day off and explore some of her favorite places in town. You can plan a nice day out at one of her favorite restaurants. You can also take this opportunity to spend some time with the surrogate’s family as well.

Any activity you plan together will mean more to her than you know, so don’t be afraid to get creative! Whatever you decide to do, make sure it’s something that you think she would find fun.

4. Use Social Media

Social media is one of the best ways to stay connected with a surrogate’s life (and pregnancy). If a surrogate is comfortable with the idea, you can always add her on Facebook, Instagram or Twitter. You might also talk to each other about tagging each other in some of your favorite photos. Don’t forget that there’s also video chatting if you can’t meet in person right away.

Things to Keep in Mind

Everyone wants to make a good first impression. Before you get to know your family member’s surrogate, there are some questions that you should and probably shouldn’t ask. Here are just a few of them:

What to Ask

  • What is it like to be a surrogate?
  • What are some of your favorite hobbies?
  • Is there anything you’d like to know about us?
  • How did you feel when you first became a surrogate?
  • How many times have you been a surrogate?

What Not to Ask

  • How much money do you make as a surrogate?
  • Won’t it be hard to give the baby to their parents?
  • Isn’t it hard to be a surrogate?
  • Why do you want to be carry someone else’s baby?

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Learning the right things to say and do when getting to know someone can be stressful. If you’ve just started and you’re anxious about your new relationship, know that it’s okay to you make mistakes — everyone says the wrong thing at some point. The most important thing is that you get back up and try again.

If you have any more questions on what to and what not to say when getting to know a surrogate, or if you’re looking for some additional tips, please call a specialist today.

Is Sperm Donation Right for You?

There are many amazing ways to start a family.

Your options today are more abundant than ever before. Even just a few years ago, medical technology and cultural understanding of alternative family-building options through assisted reproductive technologies were much more limited.

With choices come responsibility. A plethora of options requires substantial research. This is a life-changing decision. What’s the best way to start your family? Everyone is in a unique situation, which means the answer for you is going to be personal.

As you ponder your options, you may be considering sperm donation. It can be a great option. However, it’s not right for everyone.

How can you know if it’s right for you? We’re here to help.

This article will inform you on key points of sperm donation and give you several important things to consider about this family-building option.

What Is Sperm Donation?

Sperm donation is a medical procedure in which a man donates semen to help a hopeful parent (or hopeful parents) conceive.

There are two different ways that donated sperm can be used:

  1. The sperm is injected into the intended mother, who will use her own eggs in the fertilization process.
  2. The sperm is medically paired with a donor’s or the intended mother’s eggs, and the resulting embryo is placed in a surrogate through in vitro fertilization.

As a professional surrogacy organization, American Surrogacy has helped many intended parents using sperm donation as a part of the surrogacy process. While we are not medical professionals and cannot perform the medical procedures required for sperm donation, we can provide guidance during this part of the process and help create a plan for the rest of the surrogacy process.

One of the most important parts of this process is identifying a sperm donor. There’s much to consider, like genetics, appearance, medical history, intelligence and more. We can help you identify the character traits most important to you and guide you through this life-changing decision.

If this sounds like it could be the right choice for you, you can always contact us online.

Who Might Use Sperm Donation?

Hopeful parents in many different situations may discover that sperm donation will be an important part of their family-building process.

Female same-sex couples or single female parents often use a sperm donor as a way to start a family. Additionally, heterosexual couples who, for various medical reasons, have unhealthy sperm quality and have struggled to conceive may look into sperm donation. Couples who have genetic conditions they are concerned about passing on to their child may also consider sperm donation.

Things to Consider Before Choosing Sperm Donation

If you find yourself falling into a category listed above, or are experiencing something else that has led you to sperm donation, there are several things to consider before committing to this option. Your answers to these questions will be unique to you. Take your time thinking about them before making such an important choice.

Have you studied the unique situations that come with raising a donor-conceived child?

We believe strongly that family is more than biology. We also believe it is important to be honest about the unique situations any parent will face when raising a donor-conceived child. These are not necessarily struggles or negatives, but they are special to this circumstance.

For instance, it is important to be honest with your child about how they came into the world. A child who learns they were donor-conceived later in life can deal with a lot of shock and confusion that leads to a negative self-perception. Are you prepared to have age-appropriate conversations with your child about being donor-conceived?

With sperm donation, a donor-conceived child is likely to have many biological siblings (more on this later). Have you considered this and what it could mean for your child?

There’s a lot to think about. Raising a donor-conceived child can be a beautiful and amazing journey. It will also have unique situations and circumstances.

Are you prepared for the cost associated with the sperm donation, IVF and surrogacy processes?

If you’ve been researching assisted reproductive technologies, then you already know that there is a high cost associated with the process. It is a delicate, complicated process with legal and medical components. While there are emotional elements to consider if you hope to start a family, there are also practical ones.

Are you capable of bearing the financial responsibility that comes with sperm donation, IVF, surrogacy and then the parenting journey ahead? Take an honest assessment of your finances before committing to any process.

Are you aware of the Donor Sibling Registry?

When a man donates sperm, he often donates more than once. This is why, as mentioned earlier, it is likely that any child conceived using sperm donation will have biological siblings out there in the world. This can be a beautiful situation, but it’s also very unique and can be hard to know how to approach.

Many sperm donors will register with the Donor Sibling Registry, making it possible for children conceived using their sperm to locate each other, if they wish to. This is important to be aware of and discuss; it’s a topic that will someday come up with your child.

Have you identified a trustworthy professional to work with?

American Surrogacy has a proven track record of success. We work passionately to help you fulfill your dream of starting a family. While we are unable to perform any medical aspects of sperm donation, we can provide guidance and direction throughout the process. If sperm donation will be a part of a surrogacy process, we can provide excellent services throughout.

Working with a trustworthy professional is the key to a successful sperm donation and surrogacy process. If you have more questions about sperm donation, you can contact us online at any time. You can also call us at 1-800-875-BABY(2229) now.

8 Responses to Invasive Surrogacy Questions: Surrogates

As a gestational surrogate, you’ll be met with a lot of curiosity. Typically it’s from a place of pure interest and a lack of knowledge.

But, what about when people ask those really awkward questions? How do you respond?

Here are eight questions you may encounter during your journey and ways you can handle them:

1. “What do your kids think? Is your spouse okay with this?”

Before women can be considered eligible for surrogacy, they have to have the support of their families. A surrogate’s children and spouse are an important part of the process, and so they have to be on board. Explain that this is a requirement.

People often worry that children are incapable of understanding things like surrogacy or adoption and will be sad or confused when the baby leaves. But kids understand much more than we give them credit for, and you’ve taken the time to educate your children and prepare them for your surrogacy journey.

You can also share the ways in which your kids and spouse have supported and encouraged you so far. This person is probably just worried about your family, even if they’re being a little nosy about it!

2. “Aren’t you going to get attached to the baby?”

Explain: Of course you’re emotionally attached! But not like you would be in a non-surrogate pregnancy. It can be a little confusing for people to understand how the deep bonds created in pregnancy are different in gestational surrogacy. Explaining that the baby isn’t biologically yours, nor that have you ever felt emotionally like he or she were your child, may help.

The comparison of babysitting, or loving this baby almost like an aunt loves a niece or nephew, often helps people to put it into a context they can relate to. Reassure them that you’re excited to unite the baby with his or her parents!

3. “Who is the baby biologically related to?”

This is information that should be kept private. Simply say that it’d be a violation of your contract to disclose personal information like that. There are a lot of things that are just between you and the intended parents, and this is one of those. It’s a good idea to remind the person that the baby is not biologically related to you, as a gestational surrogate.

They might need a quick explanation of IVF and embryo transfers, since these processes aren’t always common knowledge. If needed, remind them that biological ties aren’t as important as the love that exists within a family. Regardless of biology, this is the intended parents’ baby, and they’re going to love him/her more than anything in the world.

4.  “Do you breastfeed the baby?”

These types of decisions are between you and the intended parents and are established in your contract. Surrogates rarely breastfeed the baby after he or she is born, but many choose to pump breast milk for the family. Again, that choice is a personal one, so you don’t have to talk about it with anyone other than the intended parents if someone is making you feel uncomfortable.

Keeping your answers brief will usually get the point across. “No, but I plan on pumping for the family, if I’m able to.” Or, “No, the family has their nutritional plan ready to go.”

5. “How much are you getting paid?”

People often (incorrectly) believe that surrogates are getting rich. Or, they may worry that you’re being taken advantage of. This can be frustrating and hurtful to hear when you’ve put in so much time, effort and love into giving the most important gift to someone else, and you set out on this journey to help others.

Feel free to remind them of your motivations for pursuing surrogacy: helping families. Remind them of all the work and time you put in — surrogacy is a 24/7 job, and it’s fair that you accept some form of compensation for it. Rather than disclosing dollar amounts (that’s between you and the intended parents), let them know that financial questions distract from the important and difficult thing that you’re doing for someone else.

6. “How did you get pregnant?”

Another alarming myth that some people believe is that surrogates get pregnant “the old-fashioned way” with an intended father. If you feel that’s what they’re hinting at, go ahead and shut that down quickly and emphatically!

However, most people simply don’t know much about IVF or embryo transfers, and they certainly don’t know how carefully-regulated the medical process is for you. So walking them through these clinical processes will be helpful. They’re likely just curious about the science of it all.

7. “Can you get the baby back, if you want to?”

Explain that this isn’t your baby, and that your goal was always to help another family. You should also explain that legally, the baby already is (or will be) the child of the intended parents.  Assuring them that you’re happy to just “babysit” and that you’re genuinely excited to see the baby go home with his or her parents will probably comfort this person who is likely worried for you.

8. “How can you just give away the baby like that?”

It can be hard for others to understand that you don’t feel like you’re giving the baby away, but that you’re giving the baby back to his or her parents! Reiterate that you’re not the genetic mother and that you also set out with the mindset that this wasn’t your baby in an emotional sense. Your goal was always to complete someone else’s family — your own family is complete and you feel whole. You just want someone else to feel that same joy that you have with your own children.

This is one of the most common (and frustrating) questions you’ll likely receive. Unfortunately, some people may never understand surrogacy in this way.

Respond However You Feel Is Appropriate

It’s okay if you just need to smile and nod sometimes! Nobody has the energy to be a surrogacy educator every minute of the day.

It’s also okay to politely let people know you’re unable to talk about certain things due to the privacy of the intended parents and the details of your surrogacy contract. This is a personal experience for you, the intended parents and your immediate families, and not everyone needs to be privy to details.

Try to remember that surrogacy is still a relatively new and misunderstood family-building path, so insensitive questions are unfortunately common. Most of those questions come from a lack of knowledge, not from a place of malice — so do your best to educate, and to respond gently.

If you need help responding to questions, or if you just need support, your American Surrogacy specialist is always there for you!

8 Responses to Invasive Surrogacy Questions: Intended Parents

Your gestational carrier will be a more obvious target for strangers’ questions — that baby bump will start to show eventually! But those who know you’re pursuing surrogacy will likely be curious about your side of the process, too. It’s still a relatively uncommon way to build a family, after all, and most people simply don’t know how it works.

However, that also means that people are even more likely to ask questions about the process that are accidentally insensitive or sometimes plain rude. Here are some questions you may receive and some ways you can choose to respond in a pinch:

1. “How much money are you paying your surrogate? How much did this cost?”

You don’t go around asking people how much money they make, how much their house cost, etc. That’s because financial questions are just sort of impolite. If you really want to shut someone down, let them know you won’t be discussing those matters.

But it’s probably helpful to remind them that you can’t put a price tag on the ability to have a family. It’s also important to let this person know that surrogates aren’t in this for the money. They sacrifice a lot, and it’s fair to accept reasonable compensation for this round-the-clock job.

2. “So who is the baby related to? Are you going to be the real parents? How do you know it’s yours?”

Like in adoption, the “real parents” are the parents who raise the child — in this case, the intended parents. Feel free to remind them that this phrase is harmful, especially to children. Give them the correct phrases to use, like “biological ties,” “intended parents,” “donors,” “gestational carriers” and whatever else you feel is appropriate.

As to whom the baby’s biological parents will be, you can disclose that at your own discretion and repeat that biological connections are not as important as familial bonds. If you like, you can explain how IVF works and how your fertility clinic and surrogate will be part of that process.

3. “Why didn’t you just adopt?”

Adoption, like surrogacy, is not an easy road to parenthood. Nor is it the right fit for every hopeful parent. There’s no right or wrong way to have a family, and viewing one path as morally superior or somehow easier than another option is damaging to all families.

You can leave it at that or, if you like, you can briefly explain some of the reasons why adoption wasn’t the right option for you. Just remember that they may push back with arguments why your reasons aren’t valid. It’s okay to stay firm and to again remind them that flippantly suggesting adoption disregards the incredibly difficult process that adoptive families face, just like all families who have children through “alternative” means.

4. “How does the surrogate get pregnant?”

There are an alarming number of people who think that the surrogate has intercourse with an intended father. If you feel that anyone is asking that, shut that down quickly and explain how embryo transfers work!

However, they might simply be curious about IVF and embryo transfers, so walk them through the process. They may also be interested to hear about the surrogate’s side of the medical experience, and how meticulously planned it all is.

5. “Are you glad you don’t have to go through being pregnant yourself?”

They probably think they’re saying a cheerful or funny thing. You can always smile and say, “I still wish it were me — it’d be worth it!”

If you want, you can explain to them why that comment is insensitive. Explain how, even though you’re grateful for your surrogate’s help and you know pregnancy can be difficult, you still wish you could carry your baby yourself and experience that journey together. These comments are hurtful to anyone who has experienced infertility or child loss, or who is unable to carry a pregnancy themselves.

6. “Aren’t you worried the surrogate is going to keep the baby?”

Explain: No, you’re not worried. Not only is this legally not an option, it’s also not something that gestational surrogates are interested in.

Giving a brief rundown of the differences between traditional and gestational surrogacy may help. Let them know that a gestational surrogate has no biological tie to the baby, and her motivations for surrogacy are to help you complete your family. Her own family is already complete! Your surrogate cannot, and will not want to, keep your baby.

7. “Don’t you ever feel jealous of your surrogate?”

Many intended parents struggle with feelings of jealousy throughout the surrogacy process. But it’s important that you stand united with your surrogate and let your family and friends know that you and her are on the same side and want the same things.

If you’re comfortable doing so, you can talk about any jealous feelings that you’ve had. Just be sure to let them know that your feelings of love, hope, respect and gratitude toward your surrogate outweigh any of those painful feelings.

8. “How are your kids ever going to understand this someday?”

Just like any child who came into a family through “unconventional” means, children who were born via surrogate don’t seem to mind! As long as children grow up hearing their personal story from day one, they’ll grow into the understanding of that experience as they age.

Children come to understand all different types of family makeups — those created through marriage and blending, adoption, IVF, surrogacy and more. Explain that you’ll talk about their surrogacy story early and often, so it will always feel natural and celebrated. Kids understand a lot more than we give them credit for.

Respond However You Feel Is Appropriate

Maybe you just don’t have the emotional energy to be a surrogacy educator that day. That’s okay! It’s totally fine if you just smile and nod in response to an invasive question.

If you’re really hurt and upset by someone’s question, it’s also okay to tell them so. If you need to steer clear of toxic people during your surrogacy journey, then so be it. Always try your best to be gentle with your response, and aim to educate rather than to fight fire with fire.

People don’t always know how to talk to intended parents about surrogacy, so try to stay patient. Remember that your American Surrogacy specialist is always there for you if you need help responding to these types of questions or if you just need support!

Is an Egg Donor Right for You?

Assisted reproductive technologies are becoming more common and accessible to those hoping to start or grow a family. We believe this is a great thing. But with availability comes important decisions, too. If you are thinking about growing your family through egg donation or surrogacy, you have a lot to consider and a very important choice to make.

This decision will play a role in shaping the future of your family. Once it’s made, it can’t be taken back. So, take your time. Gather information and research as much as you can to put yourself in the situation to make the best choice for your life. This article is meant to serve as a guide to anyone searching for answers about egg donation — a viable and increasingly common way to start a family.

If you have specific questions about your situation while you are reading, you can always contact us to speak with a professional.

What Is Egg Donation?

Egg donation is a delicate medical process that many intended parents will use to start a family. There are several people involved in this process:

  • An egg donor
  • The intended parents
  • Potentially a gestational surrogate

If intended parents decide to start a family using egg donation, they will first need to identify an egg donor. This can be done personally, but it is typically best to work with a professional. Intended parents often have specific character traits they want to see in an egg donor, and these can range from medical history to intelligence to personal appearance. An egg donor is half the equation in conceiving, so this is obviously a choice that should be made carefully.

After a donor is selected, her eggs are surgically collected. They are then paired with either donor sperm or sperm from the intended father and placed in the carrier through in vitro fertilization (IVF). The carrier may be the biological mother, or the intended parents could elect to work with a surrogate through the gestational surrogacy process.

Who Can Egg Donation Help?

People approach alternative family-building options from many different walks of life. Egg donation can help many kinds of people, such as:

If biological childbirth is not a legitimate avenue to starting a family for any reason, then egg donation via IVF or surrogacy is a route you can consider.

In most cases, an egg donation is used as a part of the surrogacy process. The only case where intended parents would use an egg donor but not a surrogate is when the intended mother is able to safely carry a baby to term, even though her eggs are not viable.

Questions to Ask Before Committing to an Egg Donor

As we said before, this is a very important decision. It will have a lasting impact on your family. Before saying “yes” or “no,” there are several things you should consider about using egg donation.

Are you prepared to raise a donor-conceived child?

We know that family is more than biology. Family is made of love. There are still differences to consider when it comes to raising a donor-conceived child, even if this isn’t a fun subject to think about. For instance, it is important, when age-appropriate, to be honest with your child about their story. This means talking about gamete donation and how they came to be. If this is kept a secret and they find out later in life, it could negatively impact them emotionally.

This, along with other unique challenges, is something you should consider.

Can you handle the additional cost of egg donation?

Egg donation is a delicate and complicated medical procedure. As such, it isn’t cheap. You are most likely already aware of the costs associated with assisted reproductive technologies as you are searching for options for your family. As you should with any other family-building option, be honest and practical about what you can and cannot afford.

Do you have clear ideas of what you are looking for in a donor?

It’s best to approach the egg donation process with a vision. What are some things you need in an egg donor? Consider genetics, medical history, blood type and more. Even an egg donor’s personality can come in to play, as personality is partly genetic.

Additionally, you should know at the start whether or not you want an anonymous or identified donor.

Have you found the right professional to work with?

Gamete donation and gestational surrogacy professionals, like American Surrogacy, can assist you in this process. While medical professionals and fertility clinics are necessary in order to perform an egg donation, we can provide as much guidance and support to you as possible. Have you found a professional with clear processes and a proven track record of success? Working with the right organization can significantly affect your experience with egg donation.

If you would like to learn more about egg donation, surrogacy and American Surrogacy’s history of success, we would love to talk. You can contact us online at any time or call 1-800-875-(BABY)2229 to learn more.

South Dakota Introduces Bill Banning Commercial Surrogacy

South Dakota House of Representatives lawmakers have introduced a bill that would ban commercial surrogacy and penalize anyone entering into a paid surrogacy contract.

House Bill 1096 — introduced by Rep. Jon Hansen (R-Dell Rapids) — hit the House floor on Sunday, Jan. 26. The bill would criminalize the actions of “any broker who knowingly engages in, advertises services for, offers payment of money or other consideration for, profits from, solicits a woman for, or otherwise assists or participates in commercial surrogacy,” penalizing them with a Class One misdemeanor.

Rep. Hansen told Forum News Service that the bill is meant to “prohibit the commercialization of children.” He was a co-sponsor on a previous bill to ban surrogacy, introduced back in 2012.

“It’s an issue that’s been on my radar for a long time. Back then there were no commercial surrogacy brokerages in this state. That has changed,” he said. “You can say ‘I want to buy a baby’ and a little over nine months later a baby will be delivered.”

The proposed bill would make an exception allowing couples to pay for the medical expenses of their surrogate. Altruistic surrogacy contracts would remain legal and enforceable.

South Dakota currently has no state laws regulating the gestational surrogacy industry. However, professionals there have developed processes to protect all parties, including strict legal contracts outlining all parties’ involvement in the journey.

If you live in South Dakota, let your state representatives know your thoughts on this bill by contacting them today.

The Legal and Emotional Risks of Traditional Surrogacy

When choosing between the two types of surrogacy, traditional surrogacy may be an appealing option to many hopeful parents.

Traditional surrogacy — in which an intended parent’s or donor’s sperm is paired with the surrogate’s  egg — can appear to be an easier route, at least at first, due to its lower cost. While this is a completely understandable advantage, a deeper dive into the legal and emotional risks of traditional surrogacy reveals it to be a troubling choice for many.

The other option for intended parents pursuing surrogacy is gestational surrogacy. This type of surrogacy — when sperm and egg from the intended parents or donors create an embryo carried by the surrogate — has many safeguards in place that traditional surrogacy does not, which is why it is the preferred surrogacy option of nearly all professionals today.

If you are considering surrogacy as a family-building option, here’s what you need to know about the legal and emotional risks of traditional surrogacy.

The Legal Risks of Traditional Surrogacy

Starting a family is an emotional process. It holds the potential of your hopes and dreams. It’s easy, and totally natural, to get lost in the feelings of it all. But when you are considering something like surrogacy, you have to realize that starting a family is also a legal process.

And, when considering the legal process of traditional vs. gestational surrogacy, there are clear risks in the former.

The foremost concern that legal professionals have with traditional surrogacy is that, because of how the process works, the surrogate is the biological mother of the child. Since it is her egg that is used in the fertilization process, the child is technically her baby until consent is signed over to the intended parents. This leaves the door wide open for potential disruptions. It also adds another legal step, as intended parents sometimes need to complete a post-birth adoption once the surrogate has signed away her parental rights to the baby.

Should the surrogate become attached the baby she is carrying, the traditional surrogacy process leaves the legal option on the table for her to keep the baby. This is a serious risk.

A secondary concern, which is rooted in the same issue of biological relationship between surrogate and baby, is that the surrogate has much more power to make medical decisions during the surrogacy process without consulting the intended parents. Ideally, this is a cooperative partnership. However, traditional surrogacy allows the surrogate to go in her own direction, if she chooses to do so.

Additionally, you should know that because of these factors and others, some states have outlawed traditional surrogacy. Many surrogacy professionals will not perform traditional surrogacy, even if it is legal in their state.

The Emotional Risks of Traditional Surrogacy

The legal process does not erase the emotional aspects of family building. The two run side-by-side. After considering the legal risks of traditional surrogacy, it’s important to be aware of some emotional risks, too.

As stated above, the most concerning legal risk in traditional surrogacy is the surrogate’s biological relationship with the child. The most volatile emotional risk stems from the same fact.

If you’re an intended mother, you will be working through a lot of feelings during the surrogacy process. Jealousy is often one of those feelings — and traditional surrogacy can make it much worse.

It is fairly common for intended mothers to struggle with feelings of jealousy when the surrogate has a biological connection to the baby, while the intended mother does not. These feelings can sour the intended-parent-surrogate relationship, which can in turn be detrimental to the entire process. A good surrogacy involves a solid relationship, and traditional surrogacy can make that more difficult.

The emotional risks for the surrogate are also increased in traditional surrogacy. Anyone who offers to be a surrogate is doing something wonderful and does not have any intention of keeping the baby. However, by maintaining a biological connection to the baby, the surrogate is at a much higher risk of struggling with feelings of strong attachment. Of course, this is natural when you are carrying a child who is biologically yours.

Gestational surrogacy mitigates this emotional risk, while traditional surrogacy amplifies it.

How Gestational Surrogacy Can Reduce Risks

Gestational surrogacy is the preferred option for nearly all professionals. In some states, it is the only legal option. There are several distinctions that make the gestational surrogacy process safer for everyone involved, from a legal and emotional perspective.

In gestational surrogacy, the egg used for fertilization is either given by the intended mother or an egg donor. The potential downside to this is that it is more costly, and it can take more time. However, the benefits far outweigh the costs. Gestational surrogacy gives the intended mother the opportunity to be biologically connected to her baby — a connection many mothers cherish.

Because of this process, there is no biological connection between a gestational surrogate and the baby. Gestational surrogacy mitigates the risk of the surrogate changing her mind and wanting to keep the baby. Since the surrogate has no biological connection, there are no parental rights to argue over.

Additionally, removing this risky aspect of traditional surrogacy creates a better environment for the intended parents and surrogate to develop a healthy relationship — unburdened by complicated emotions.

For these reasons, among others, American Surrogacy only offers services for gestational surrogacy. It is our belief, and the overwhelming belief of all surrogacy professionals, that gestational surrogacy offers the safest path both emotionally and legally for everyone involved.

Contact American Surrogacy Today

American Surrogacy can be your partner in the gestational surrogacy process. We would be honored to support you as you fulfill your dream of becoming parents.

Contact us today or call 1-800-875-BABY(2229) for more information and to start your gestational surrogacy process.

Can Intended Parents Read a Surrogate’s Full Health Records?

It’s natural for intended parents to want to be sure that the woman carrying their baby is healthy and prepared for this journey. And it’s equally natural for a prospective surrogate to want to be sure that her privacy will be respected in a process that is often a little invasive.

In the surrogacy process, once a prospective surrogate has been screened and matched with intended parents, her health records will need to be passed around to the appropriate medical professionals. But those won’t be her full health records — just the records of information that is relevant to pregnancy, fertility and the surrogacy process. Nervous intended parents may wonder if something is being hidden, but that’s not the case.

Here’s what you should know about health records in surrogacy:

What Is Included in the Surrogate’s Health Records?

Medical information that is relevant to the surrogacy process — which may include screening information, pregnancy health records, information about medications and more.

Intended parents can request to read the surrogate’s previous prenatal and delivery records, but most agencies have them sent directly to the fertility clinic because they’re massive, tedious and full of medical abbreviations that are difficult to understand. As the experts, clinics should be trusted to handle these health-based judgement calls rather than the intended parents.

Why Is Access Restricted?

Anything outside of what is provided in the health records isn’t relevant to the surrogacy process or the pregnancy. Viewing a person’s extended records is a deeply personal thing — only medical professionals should have access to full health records. Going through a surrogate’s full records would be a terrible breach of her privacy and trust.

How Do Intended Parents Know a Surrogate is Safe and Healthy?

Of course, when you’re entrusting someone you’ve only recently met with the life of your baby, you want to know that she’s going to be a safe choice. But intended parents need to trust their agency and fertility specialists. These professionals carefully screen all prospective surrogates — physically and mentally, to make sure that they’re ready for surrogacy.

Many women inquire about becoming surrogates, because they’re generous enough to want to help others. But only a select few are able to meet the requirements needed to actually become a surrogate. So, if a woman has made it through all those screening processes, then she’s as healthy as a horse! Trust that the medical professionals who have approved her are certain that she’s ready for this.

To help put yourself more at ease, learn about the ways in which American Surrogacy meticulously screens surrogates and intended parents for the protection of both parties, and how these screening measures ensure that all surrogates are healthy and ready for surrogacy long before the medical processes begin.