3 Essential Qualities to Look for in a Surrogate

Finding the right gestational surrogate is a big deal. After all, this is the woman you’ll be trusting to carry your most precious cargo: your baby. As such, we’re sure you’ve spent a lot time imagining what it will be like to finally meet her.

You’re probably more than a little excited to get this process started. But there are a few things that you should look for before you choose a surrogacy partner. Finding a surrogate that’s in the right location and age range, and meets your goals and desires is great — but for this post we’d like to go a bit deeper.

If you’re searching for the perfect surrogate who checks all of your boxes, here are a few more things to add to that list.

1. She Wants to Get to Know You

Once you think you’ve found the perfect surrogate, it’s time to start getting to know her. Like in any new relationship, you can get to know each other through phone calls, emails and in-person visits. When you talk to a prospective surrogate, keep an eye out for a few things:

  • Does she seem excited and interested in meeting you?
  • Does she look forward to talking to you?
  • Is she just as excited for the process as you are?
  • Does she ask about your hobbies, interests and dreams for this baby?
  • Does she answer all the right questions?

Any good relationship should be a two-way street. If you think you’ve found the perfect surrogate, but she doesn’t seem as excited to get to know you as you are, don’t be afraid to move on. And if you’re worried about breaking the ice, don’t forget that your surrogacy specialist can mediate the initial contact.

2. She Knows that it’s Not About the Money

It’s not easy being a surrogate. Numerous fertility treatments, a potentially challenging pregnancy and childbirth are all things a surrogate has to ask herself if she’s ready for before taking on this journey. This means that many surrogates are well-compensated for their time and energy.

But with that being said, it shouldn’t just be about the money. The women who choose to become gestational surrogates are compassionate, family-oriented and selfless. Helping someone else finally build the family of their dreams is something a surrogate is  truly passionate about. And most importantly, it’s her calling.

When you speak with a surrogate, you should feel like they’re doing this because they want to, not because of how well they’re being paid. Financial compensation is great, but it’s not the only thing that they should be thinking about. If you have a feeling that a prospective surrogate is only doing this for the money, it might be time to look elsewhere.

You don’t have to pick the first gestational surrogate you talk to. If it’s not the right match, your surrogacy specialist will give you some pointers for what to do next.

3. She Just Gets You

Many intended parents feel it in their heart when they’ve met the right gestational surrogate. When you know, you know.

If you can feel it in your gut when you talk for the first time, there’s a pretty good chance that your instincts are right. The right gestational surrogate will have all the qualities you’re looking for and more. You won’t have to worry that your future is in the wrong hands. While there’s really no such thing as a “perfect” surrogate, you can find one who’s perfect for you.

No matter how long it takes, you will find your match. We know that this process is hectic and that you probably want to move as quickly as possible, but you don’t have to rush. Don’t be afraid to take your time. Remember that you can ask your surrogacy specialist for tips and suggestions as you’re getting started.

What’s Next?

If you think you’re ready to start the surrogacy process, we’d be happy to help. Please call one of our surrogacy specialists today at 1-800-875-BABY(2229) for more information about finding a gestational surrogate through our agency.

You can also connect with other hopeful parents through our Instagram.

What to Expect After Bringing Baby Home: Intended Parents

The feeling of bringing your little one home for the very first time is indescribable. All those months of careful planning, hard word and patience have finally paid off — and your family-building dreams have come true.

But for parents who built their family through surrogacy, you’re probably worried about what to expect when you bring your baby home for the first time. Here, we’ll talk about some of the emotions that you might experience after meeting your little one.

Your First Week at Home

It’s common for new parents to have mixed emotions when they bring their baby home for the first time — so you’re not alone if you feel this way. Naturally, you’ll be nervous, just like any new parent would. And that’s okay. It’s possible to feel thrilled and uncertain at the same time.

You and your baby are going to go through a lot of changes during the first few months as you get to know one another. Even with all the parenting tips and books at your disposal, you might feel unsure of what to expect.

Here are just a few things that you should know during the first week:

  • It’s okay to ask for help from friends and family.
  • You’re going to need more diapers than you thought!
  • You’ll probably feel overwhelmed and stressed with a new person to take care, so don’t forget to rest.
  • After a bit, you’ll start to learn what your baby’s cries mean.
  • It might take longer than you thought to get your bearings.
  • You should take this time to build a support system.

If you need any other tips for bringing your baby home, remember that you can always reach out to your surrogacy specialist.

Bonding with Your Baby

Bonding is something that every new parent worries about  — so you’re not alone. While this process may be more difficult as an intended parent, it’s not impossible. Remember: There are even some biological parents who have a hard time bonding with their baby, so please don’t be too hard on yourself. Bonding with your baby is already difficult enough, so try to be patient.

Difficulty bonding with your baby doesn’t mean that you’re a bad parent or that you messed up at some point during the surrogacy process. It just means that adjusting may take you a little bit more time than you had hoped.

Many adoptive and intended parents worry that their child won’t take to them or won’t recognize them as their parent. Because you did not carry them yourself, these fears might be even more pronounced. All of these feelings and emotions  are understandable. But, with a lot of time, patience, and care, you and your baby will build a strong relationship in no time.

There are many ways for you to bond with your baby, even though you didn’t carry them — so if you need any tips, you can always ask your specialist.

The Difficult Emotions of Parenthood

Being a parent is one of the hardest jobs out there. If you feel stressed, overwhelmed or exhausted, know that you’re not alone. Many parents have been in your shoes, and know exactly what you’re going through.

It’s common knowledge that many new moms experience “the baby blues,” which can sometimes develop into postpartum depression. But did you know that the same can be said for intended parents?

The truth is that any new parent, no matter how they chose to build their family, can experience different forms of postpartum depression. In some cases, it can be just as severe or even worse  for intended parents.

The factors of post-surrogacy depression can vary. You might be having trouble bonding with your child, or you might be emotionally exhausted and overworked. When you bring your baby home for the first time, you might feel emotionally exhausted and drained. Those feelings of excitement will likely take a lot out of you — and may make you more susceptible to serious mood disorders.

Some of the most common symptoms of postpartum depression include:

  • Mood swings
  • Irritability
  • Loss of appetite
  • Loss of interest in hobbies or activities
  • Withdrawal from family and friends
  • Thoughts of harming yourself or the baby
  • Avoiding the baby
  • Difficulty bonding with baby
  • Frequent crying

If you experience any of these symptoms, please don’t hesitate to reach out for support. Post-surrogacy depression can be painful, but help is always available.

You aren’t alone! Many intended parents have had the experience of bringing their child home. These parents are ready to help give you advice and support. Connect through our Instagram today.

No matter what you’re feeling, we want you to know that you’re never alone. Your surrogacy specialist will always be here to support you. You can call us anytime, anywhere.

If you’re struggling with the emotions of being a new parent, please reach out to a specialist or a counselor for help.

How Your OBGYN Visits Will Be Different as a Surrogate

The journey to become a surrogate takes careful planning, timing and, most importantly, patience. With so many steps involved in the process, it’s so important to make sure that the baby you’re carrying receives only the best care.

But going to the OBGYN as a surrogate is a bit different than your average doctor’s visit. As you can imagine, things will be a little different when it’s not your baby you’re carrying. Because this process is so unique, you may have a hard time imagining what your visits will look like.

To help answer some of your pressing questions, we’ve created a guide to prenatal appointments for surrogates below:

Your First Visit

Initially, you and the intended parents will be working with a fertility clinic. But after that, you’ll likely be working with your OBGYN.

For many women, surrogate or not, the first visit with an OB can be a little stressful. But the good news is that this visit won’t differ much from one for a traditional pregnancy. It normally takes place between 8 to 12 weeks of pregnancy, and your doctor will likely ask you some general questions about the surrogacy process and how you’re doing as well.

Because there’s so much to do during the initial visit, it’s often  one of the longest.

Here are some additional things that might happen during your first visit:

  • You might have your first ultrasound.
  • You should expect a urine test, blood work and a pap smear.
  • Your health and vitals will be checked, and your doctor will ask questions about your first trimester.
  • You’ll likely receive a thorough physical, which will include a pelvic and breast exam (after the intended parents have left the room).
  • You’ll be asked to fill out some important paperwork.

Involving the Intended Parents

The first obstetrician visit is usually an exciting time for both intended parents and surrogates. After all, this is an experience they’ve been waiting for for a very long time.

Both parties will have the opportunity to ask plenty of questions, if they have any. And, more than likely, you’ll be able to hear the baby’s heartbeat for the very first time!

If the intended parents aren’t able to attend the first visit, that’s okay. You can share how it went with them at a later point. And if you do receive an ultrasound, you can send them some exciting pictures in the mail.

Learn more about surrogacy through the lens of a surrogate by following us on Instagram. 

How to Handle the Unexpected

As you can imagine, surrogacy is new for a lot of people — even doctors. You may run into some awkward situations.

During your initial visit, you’re going to be asked a lot of questions that may not be applicable to the surrogacy process (like questions about your partner’s health). Some surrogates get called “mom” during their appointments. And sometimes, doctors may ask the intended parents to leave the room during your appointment. When something like this happens, you might be unsure of what to do.

The best thing that you can do is to provide as much information about the surrogacy process as you can — as early on as you can. Although your OB might not understand the uniqueness of your pregnancy or your relationship to the intended parents, they should be someone you already know and trust. Even if they’re new to the process, your doctor should have a clear understanding of how to treat everyone in this journey.

If you have any trouble during your visits, or if you have an OB who isn’t understanding of surrogacy, don’t be afraid to look for a different doctor. You deserve to receive the care that you need and feel comfortable doing so.

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We’re sure you have plenty of other questions about your first OBGYN visit as a surrogate, the medical process for surrogacy, and much more. For answers, reach out to your surrogacy specialist at any time.

10 Mother’s Day Gifts for an Intended Mom-to-Be

Mother’s Day is just around the corner! And that means it’s time to start thinking about the perfect gift. But, if you’re buying for an intended parent, you’re probably worried about accidentally purchasing the wrong thing — , gifts are related to breastfeeding that might not be as well-received by an intended mother.

If you’re worried about what to pick, we’ve got you covered. Here are 10 gift ideas that are perfect for the soon-to-be mom in your life.

1. Something handmade

There’s something special about a handmade gift on Mother’s Day. You don’t have to spend a lot of money if you’re making it yourself, which might ease some of your worries. Any gift will be much appreciated. If you’re making it yourself, you might choose a painting, a card, a knitted or crocheted blanket, baked goods, and more. As long as it’s from the heart, that’s what counts.

2. A self-care package

The most thoughtful gifts are ones with the most detail — and nothing says “thinking of you” like a self-care package. You can use this opportunity to fill it with all of her favorite things: candles, an eye mask, her favorite books, bath bombs, a weighted blanket and more. However much you plan on including, personalizing your gift will only make it that much more special.

3. A journal

Some moms like to chronicle their journey through motherhood. There’s so much that can happen in a year, and every mom wants to remember all those special moments. You can either send her a journal with prompts that she can fill out, or you can gift her a bullet journal so that she can stretch her creative muscles.

4. Baby supplies

Much-needed essentials for the baby are some of the best gifts. You can buy items like clothing, blankets, baby slings, strollers and more.

5. Diapers

Ask any parent and they’ll tell you there’s no such thing as too many diapers. Giving some is a great way to help them stock up before the baby gets here or after they’ve already been born. Some moms have a preferred brand they like to stick with, so double-check with them before making any purchases.

6. A spa day

What better way to relax than with a spa day? This is one of the best ways to get some quality “me time” in. If you’d like, you can send a gift card for a manicure, pedicure, or a facial. If you don’t want to spend too much, you can always make her a DIY spa kit.

7. Flowers

Nothing says Mother’s Day quite like a bouquet. It’s tradition to send carnations, but you can always send some of her favorites, like: lilies, tulips, and roses.

8. A gift card to one of her favorite places

If you know that an intended mom really wants to treat herself to her favorite store, a gift card is the best way to help her do that. You could get her a Visa gift card that can be used just about anywhere, or you get one that’s for a specific location — like a movie theatre or her favorite restaurant. No matter what you pick, we’re sure she’ll love it!

9. A meal-delivery service

Not everyone has time to cook — especially new moms. Why not send her a ready-made meal? Blue Apron, HelloFresh and Sun Basket are some of the most popular options, but there are other options available. Each one varies in price, so you should be able to find one that fits your budget, too.

10. Something to help her get ready

If Mother’s Day falls during the middle of the surrogacy process, you might want to gift her something that will make her feel more prepared:  a set of parenting classes, baby-proofing devices or a first-time-parent kit.

We know that surrogacy is new for many people, and it can be hard to pick out the right gift or know what’s appropriate. That’s why American Surrogacy is always here to help. Contact us online or connect with the surrogacy community via our Instagram for more suggestions on appropriate surrogacy gifts.

International Midwives Day: The Role They Play in Surrogacy

Surrogacy is a life-changing journey. But, like any family-building experience, it wouldn’t be possible without the help of some very important people.

Today, we’d like to highlight and celebrate the essential work that midwives and doulas do to provide care to intended mothers and their newborns, as well as gestational carriers. May 5 happens to be International Midwives Day, and the theme for this year is Midwives with Women.

If you’re a surrogate or intended parent, then you might have thought about using a midwife or a doula at some point. Both of these professionals are great resources, but how do you know which one is right for you? Should you use both or neither? We’ll share a little information about your options to help you get started.

What’s the Difference Between a Midwife and a Doula?

Both a midwife and a doula can be extremely helpful during childbirth — especially for women who are looking for the kind of specialized care an obstetrician can’t offer. But, not a lot of people know what kind of services they can provide or how they differ.

Here’s what you can expect from each one:

  • Midwives: A midwife is a trained health care professional who supports women during labor, delivery and the postpartum period. She’s also able to provide care to newborns. Midwives aren’t doctors, but they have completed a graduate program in midwifery. There are also several types of midwives, but the most common is a Certified Nurse Midwife, or CNM for short. Although they’re registered nurses, they can’t perform certain deliveries, like a c-section. Because of their restrictions, they’re best used for women with low-risk pregnancies.
  • Doulas: A doula is very similar to a midwife. These professionals provide the emotional and educational support that women often need during pregnancy and the difficult postpartum period. However, a doula is not a maternity care provider. This means that you can’t use one to replace a midwife or your doctor. Still, their experiences as a birth coach are invaluable for both intended parents and surrogates.

If you’re using a midwife, you should be prepared for the chance that they’ve never delivered a baby via surrogacy before. In that case, you’ll want to prepare them for the unique surrogacy experience. Here are a few tips, if they need some background knowledge:

  • Make sure to explain what the surrogacy process.
  • Provide an outline of your birth plan.
  • Make sure they know they can contact your specialist if they have any questions.
  • Communicate your feelings.

Why You Should Consider Using a Doula or a Midwife

If you’re a surrogate, using a doula or a midwife can be a great help during childbirth. Pregnancy is already stressful enough, and it can be extremely helpful to have another experienced professional on your side. For surrogates, these birth coaches can offer:

  • Prenatal support and education
  • Birth planning
  • Support and education
  • Counseling postpartum

Doulas and midwives are also a great resource for intended parents, too. Some of their services include:

  • Childcare education
  • Newborn support
  • Support for you as a new parent
  • And more

While a doula or a midwife can be a great resource for both parties, they’re not for everyone. Before you choose one, please make sure you’ve done plenty of research to make sure you’ve found a great professional.

Sharing Your Plan with Your Specialist

If you’re thinking about using a doula or a midwife, let your specialist know. There are a lot of choices that you’ll have to make in your birth plan, and this is one of the most important. Using either one can be advantageous, and your specialist can help you decide which one is right for you.

This decision must be made by both the surrogate and the intended parents, so it’s crucial that everyone is on the same page. Your specialist can help mediate the conversation until you can come to a decision that’s right for both parties.

You can always ask other surrogates and intended parents about their experiences with midwives. Try connecting through our online community.

If you need help finding a midwife or a doula, your surrogacy specialist may refer you to local professionals in your area. The OBGYN or hospital might also have some resources available to help you get started. For additional resources, check out these websites:

If you have any other questions about using a midwife or a doula, please don’t hesitate to reach out to your surrogacy specialist for more information. And, if you plan on using either, let your specialist know as soon as possible. Finding the right doula or midwife takes plenty of time and research, so don’t rush yourself when it comes to choosing the right one for you.

How to Talk to Your Employer About Parental Leave

There’s something special about those first moments that you spend with your baby —their laugh, their smile, and all the little things that make them so unique. We know that you’ll want to soak up as much time as you can with your little one. But there’s one small thing to worry about: getting time off from your job.

Every parent deserves to have time to bond with their child after birth. If you’re an intended parent, you’re probably wondering if surrogacy is included in your employer’s  parental leave policy. You might even be worried about how to broach the subject with them in the first place or about how they will react.

These fears are common, but there is some important information you should know to put your mind at ease.

What Kind of Benefits Can Intended Parents Receive?

Both surrogates and intended parents can receive FMLA, also known as the Family and Medical Leave Act. This protection includes 12 weeks of unpaid leave for various reasons, including the birth of a child. However, please keep in mind that FMLA does not include paid leave. It also comes with certain restrictions. For example, only covered employers offer FMLA. Employees are also required to work a certain length of time before they’re able to receive it.

Before taking leave, please check with your employer or HR to understand all of their policies. Ultimately, it will be up to your employer to decide whether or not you can receive leave.

You can also take this time to see if your employer offers paid parental leave, if any. If that option isn’t available, you might have to work out a flexible schedule with your spouse that includes working from home or working part-time.

Don’t forget to ask your employer what kind of options are available and to create a plan with them before leaving.

How to Talk to Your Boss

At some point, you’ll need to tell your boss about your surrogacy journey. Depending on your employer, you may or may not be the first employee to share  surrogacy news  — so they might not know what to expect.

Below, you’ll find some tips for navigating this conversation:

  • Talk to them early: It’s important to specify when you plan to take leave, so that your employer can plan ahead. If you don’t give them enough heads up, they might not be able to help as much. Or, even worse, you might find that you’re already scheduled for that time off. It never hurts to be early, but it can hurt to start too late, so plan ahead.
  • Try to talk face-to-face: This is the best way to have a conversation with your employer. Try to plan for when they’re free and set some time aside to talk about your parental leave plan. This is also a good time to go over what arrangements are available to parents pursuing surrogacy.
  • Determine what your maternity leave will look like: Some parents decide to take the whole 12 weeks of FMLA available to them, while others need less. Read through your employee handbook to see what your company’s policy is regarding maternal and paternal leave.

Keep in mind that, for many, surrogacy is still a relatively new concept. There are some employers who won’t be understanding if an intended parent asks for leave. Unfortunately, this means that intended parents could face some challenges in the workplace.

If this turns out to be the case, or your workplace doesn’t offer arrangements for parents pursuing surrogacy, you might be at a loss wondering what to do next. If you face any discrimination at all, don’t be afraid to get HR or a lawyer involved to advocate on your behalf. It might even be a good idea to talk to them first for some more tips.

Remember: You deserve to have as much time as any other parent to bond with your baby.

What’s Next?

It could always help to connect with others going through the same kind of challenges. You can find a strong surrogacy community growing with our new Instagram page.

Navigating parental leave as an intended parent can be confusing, but we’re here to help. If you have any other questions about parental leave as an intended parent, don’t hesitate to reach out to your surrogacy specialist for more information.

What If Your Spouse Wants to Become a Surrogate?

Becoming a surrogate is a life-changing journey.

So, if your partner has decided to become a surrogate, the news will probably come as a shock. And, as their partner, you want to do everything you can to support them. But it can be hard to work through the emotions that you’re feeling right now.

Many spouses of women who want to become a surrogate are supportive, proactive, and encouraging. And, yet, others may be feeling worried, anxious and uncertain about the process ahead.

While there is no right or wrong way to feel about this decision, there is one thing that we want to make clear upfront: Your support will be a crucial part of this entire journey. That’s why, in this article, we’ll go over some things you should know when your spouse decides to become a surrogate — and a few ways that you can stand by her side.

Working Through Your Emotions

It’s not every day that you find out that your spouse wants to become a surrogate. At this point, we bet you have plenty of questions. Rest assured, this isn’t a decision that your spouse came to lightly.

Choosing to become a surrogate involves many factors. Maybe she’s always dreamed of helping someone else grow their family. Or maybe it’s an idea she’s stumbled upon recently, and after plenty of research, she’s decided it’s the right path for her.

You’re also probably full of mixed emotions. Some spouses are very supportive of the idea of surrogacy, making their partner’s journey that much easier. But, there are many spouses who aren’t understanding of the decision to become a surrogate.

First, we want to say that you’re not alone for feeling this way — but it’s possible for these feelings to change. Your emotions may come from a place of misunderstanding. Surrogacy may still be a whole new concept for you. You might worry about how this will affect your partner’s well-being, your family and you.

If you are unsupportive of your spouse’s surrogacy goals, it will be near impossible for her to move forward. She needs your support during this life-changing, complicated process. Before shooting down her idea, hear her out — you may find yourself convinced.

If you’re not sure where to turn to, please reach out to a surrogacy specialist to learn more. You and your spouse can also speak with a counselor about what you’re feeling before moving forward.

We know that this news is a lot to take in, so don’t feel bad about needing some time to process everything. When you are ready to talk, a specialist will be there to support you.

How You Can Support Your Spouse’s Surrogacy Journey

We know that starting the surrogacy process can be a stressful time for everyone. In that case, here are a few of our tips for supporting your partner through their surrogacy journey.

  • Learn about surrogacy: Education is one of the best tools. If you’re new to the surrogacy process, then you’re probably feeling a bit wary. The good news is that there is plenty of information available for you to peruse. And there’s no better time to learn than right now. Your spouse will have also done plenty of her own research, so don’t be afraid to bring up any questions you have about the process. It may help to hear directly from other surrogates about their experiences. You can also reach out to a surrogacy specialist for more information, too.
  • Talk it out: Your spouse wants to know what you’re thinking — so don’t bottle it up. After learning more about the surrogacy process, you can use that knowledge to share your thoughts with your spouse rather than just saying no. As her partner, you should be comfortable sharing your misgivings, so that the two of you can come to a solution together.
  • Remind them that you’re there to help: Your spouse is your partner in all things. You should remind her that you’re always there to listen and lend an ear. When things don’t go as planned, she should always know that you’ll be the first one to listen. For the next year or so, she’s going to count on you when things get tough.

Please remember that these are just a few of the ways that you can support your spouse. If you have any other questions, or if you need more tips, don’t forget that you can always reach out to a surrogacy specialist for help.

7 Deeper Things to Look for in Intended Parents

When you’re a surrogate, carrying someone else’s child is a life-changing responsibility and partnership that you take very seriously. You understandably want to make sure that you have a strong connection with the parents — you shouldn’t settle for carrying for just anyone. 

There’s no such thing as a “perfect” intended parent, because there is no such thing as a perfect person. There is, however, the ideal match for you! They’re out there right now, longing for a child and waiting for someone like you to help them. Remember that American Surrogacy will help you to find and match with those parents, so contact us whenever you’re ready to get started.

But, how will you know when you’ve found those intended parents that are truly right for you? Aside from that important gut instinct of “just knowing” and, of course, sharing the same surrogacy goals, here are seven deeper things to look for in an intended parent:

1. They’ve Grieved Any Fertility Loss, and They’re Excited About Surrogacy

You’ve likely thought about how, if you were to match with a couple who struggled with fertility or pregnancy loss, this grief may affect your relationship. Will feelings of pregnancy envy mar the joys of the shared journey? Can you all honor those losses while moving forward?

In most matches, intended parents are absolutely ready and able to move forward with surrogacy after grieving infertility.

American Surrogacy works with intended parents to make sure that they’re emotionally ready for surrogacy after infertility grief, but you yourself will also need to feel that these intended parents are as excited about this as you are.

2. They Don’t View Surrogacy as a Business Transaction

Gestational surrogacy is far from transactional! There is compensation and a lot of paperwork involved, certainly. But neither you nor American Surrogacy would want to work with intended parents who view this experience as some kind of business transaction.

And no child wants to feel as if they were the result of a simple transaction. 

You’re pursuing surrogacy because you love families, and you want to help someone create their own family. So, it’s important that you find intended parents who are also coming to surrogacy full of love — for you as well as for their future child.

3. They Get to Know You

It can be a little awkward to get to know strangers at first. Surrogacy is an intimate and vulnerable experience in many ways. But your American Surrogacy specialist will help you all get through the early stages and have the important conversations.

However, the sign of a good fit is the intended parents’ interest in getting to know you for you. It’s important that they ask questions about your abilities as a surrogate, to be sure. Hopefully, they’ll ask questions about you, your family and your interests, too, purely for the sake of creating a connection.

4. They Aren’t Just Looking for the Cheapest Option

Surrogacy is not an inexpensive family-building process for hopeful parents. It’s more than reasonable to receive fair compensation for the sacrifices, risk and effort you take on when completing fertility treatments and carrying someone else’s child — but some intended parents will want to cut corners on costs where they can.

You aren’t in this for the money, and the right intended parents will understand this. They’ll also have researched everything you’ll need to undertake as their surrogate, and they’ll understand why some amount of compensation for that is fair. 

If an intended parent is making choices based purely on cost, then they’re likely not a good fit.

You can learn more about how surrogates find the family they want to carry for by following us on Instagram. Surrogates and intended parents talk about their personal experiences with the process

5. They Talk about How Surrogacy Will Be Discussed With Their Child

This is something that all intended parents should be ready to talk about with you. Like with children who were adopted, the best policy for children born via surrogacy is openness, honesty and positivity from day one.

The right intended parents will express how they plan to talk about you with their child. Will you stay in touch so that their child can meet you someday, if he or she is interested? Will they share details about you so their child can have a clear picture of his or her birth story? Children need to understand their personal histories, and you’ll be a small but important part of that. How do you want to be talked about?

6. They Respect Your Opinions

Although this is their child and the intended parents will be leading for much of the surrogacy process, the right intended parents will also understand that this is your body. You’ll know it’s a good match when you meet intended parents who ask about your wishes and express that they will respect your input when decisions need to be made.

As the parents of this child, these people will be making many of the choices that lie ahead. However, their decisions will affect you. The right intended parents will understand this and will never put you in a position that makes you uncomfortable. This is a team effort, and they should see you as the “Most Valued Player!”

7. They Feel “Right” to You

Most of our surrogates (and intended parents) at American Surrogacy say that, outside of sharing the same surrogacy goals, they had a gut instinct that the match was just “right.” Sometimes, even something as small as a shared interest will spark that serendipitous feeling, while in other moments you may feel drawn to intended parents because of their personal story. It might just be something about their personalities and relationship.

Whatever it is, as long as you share the same goals for the relationship and journey ahead, go ahead and follow that feeling! It’s likely your heart and gut telling you that this is the right decision.

Ready to find your ideal match? Contact American Surrogacy for more information about becoming a gestational surrogate now.

6 Ways to Honor Loss During National Infertility Awareness Week

Wherever you’re at in your experience with infertility — whether you’ve recently received a diagnosis of infertility, or it’s been years since then and you’ve created a family through surrogacy or adoption — it’s alright to take a moment to honor loss this National Infertility Awareness Week.

Here are some ways you can acknowledge loss this week while still looking to the future:

1. Take Some Time for Yourself

Anniversaries that remind you of things like pregnancy losses, the feeling that everyone around you is getting pregnant, or National Infertility Awareness Week itself can all open old wounds. If you’re feeling a little overwhelmed, give yourself permission to take care of yourself this week. 

Everyone’s version of self-care will look different, but consider:

  • Taking a break from social media
  • Spending some quality alone-time with your spouse on a date night
  • Treating yourself to a long bath or even a trip to the spa
  • Taking 10 minutes to practice some breathing exercises 
  • Taking a weekend or day-trip alone with your spouse for a short getaway
  • Going on a long walk somewhere quiet and bringing a journal
  • Reading a book that inspires you

2. Share Your Story

You’ve never obligated to share your story, nor should you share more than you’re comfortable with — but talking about your personality fertility struggles can help you and others.

Infertility affects 1 in 8 couples in the U.S. By sharing your personal story with others, you’ll likely provide comfort and information to someone else who is, or will be, affected by infertility. Connecting with others who have experienced infertility can be mutually beneficial — feeling supported and heard is instrumental in healing from fertility losses.

Sharing your story can also be important for acknowledging the losses you’ve experienced. Some people have also experienced pregnancy loss and need others to acknowledge that those pregnancies are not simply “replaced” or something to just “get over,” even when moving from infertility to surrogacy.

If you’re ready, you can share your story on social media, on an infertility blog, speak at a local National Infertility Awareness Week event, or even just open up to a friend or family member. You could even share your story with us and our community of surrogates.

3. Share Information

A simple, quick and easy way to raise awareness and to help others who are struggling with infertility is to share the facts. Resolve is a great resource to get you started, as is the National Infertility Awareness Week website if you’d like to share a link or graphic on your social media or in an email.

The whole point of National Infertility Awareness Week is to raise awareness! What better way to honor your own personal losses and journey than to call widespread attention to this common struggle. 

4. Start a Tradition

One way to deal with grief is create a tradition that allows you a special time to honor your losses. This way, you can continue to move forward with your life throughout the rest of the year but never forget where you’ve been. 

Feeling as if you’re “moving on” can be bittersweet. You deserve to be happy again, but it can be hard to let go of grief. Having a tradition that allows you to honor that grief in a special way at a special time can help you to do both. 

Consider incorporating a tradition for National Infertility Awareness Week like:

  • Lighting a candle
  • Planting a flower in a memory garden
  • Writing a letter to yourself
  • Saying a special prayer
  • Putting a wish into a box

5. Honor the Things You’re Grateful For

When you look back on your infertility journey, you might be surprised to find that you gained things that you didn’t have before, despite the losses you may have experienced. Take a moment to honor the things that you’re grateful for, in addition to honoring the things you’ve lost.

This will be different for everyone, but did you…

  • Become closer to your spouse, a friend, or a family member?
  • Turn to someone for support in a difficult moment and were met with love and comfort?
  • Find a newfound support group?
  • Discover something about yourself?
  • Experience a spiritual strengthening? 

Even though you and your relationships were likely tested in unimaginable ways, you also likely discovered something that you’re grateful for. Take a moment to write down everything in your life that you’re grateful for at this point.

Maybe you even chose to have a child through surrogacy or adoption — that would certainly be something important that you’ve gained.

6. Get Involved with National Infertility Awareness Week

One way to honor your own loss is to help others with their own losses and to help raise public awareness about infertility. Find a way to get involved with National Infertility Awareness Week, big or small. You can:

How do you plan on recognizing National Infertility Awareness Week? Let us know in the comments.

5 Tips for Traveling with a Newborn after a Surrogacy Birth

The birth of your baby is a life-changing moment shared with your family and your surrogate. But what happens after your baby has entered the world, your surrogate is ready to go home, and your baby is ready to be discharged and leave the hospital with you?

Reminders About What Happens Before Your Baby is Born

Most of the preparations for post-birth steps will be completed by your specialist and attorney.

Your American Surrogacy specialist will be in touch with your attorney before the birth to make sure that all the appropriate paperwork is sent to the hospital ahead of time. We’ll remain in touch with your attorney throughout your surrogate’s labor, delivery and recovery, in case any additional paperwork is required. We’ll notify your attorney when your baby has been born so that they can complete any paperwork needed to discharge your baby to your care during and after the hospital stay. 

In many states, most (if not all) of the legal processes can be completed before the baby is even born, so everything can be sent to the hospital in advance. However, if there are any necessary legal steps after your baby’s birth, your attorney will already have walked you through those processes, and they will be ready to put the finishing touches on that paperwork once your baby is born. 

If any additional documentation is required in your situation, you may need to sign some paperwork or wait for those documents to be processed. However, this still won’t affect your ability to bring home your baby after he or she is born.

Generally speaking, most intended parents’ attorneys and specialists will have things ready to go once the baby is cleared for discharge.

From there, all that’s left is to travel home. Traveling with a newborn born via surrogacy will, in most respects, be the same as bringing any new baby home. However, intended parents often ask how they should prepare. Here are five of our tips:

1. Don’t Stress Too Much about the Birth Certificate and Social Security Card

Is it likely that anyone is going to eye you suspiciously and stop you to ask for documentation proving that this is your child as you travel home? No. But getting the standard documentation sooner rather than later never hurts, for bureaucratic purposes. So obtain those items right away if you can, but if you can’t, it’s alright!

Many states allow for pre-birth surrogacy orders, in which case, your baby’s birth certificate will be ready to go with your names listed when you’re discharged from the hospital. If, however, you require post-birth measures, your attorney will complete the necessary steps to update the birth certificate with your names as soon as possible. Processing that might take a little longer, so don’t stress if it’s not available right away.

You’ll be able to apply for a social security card as soon as your baby is born, but you may need your child’s birth certificate at some offices. This can be a pain if you don’t have the birth certificate right away; you might need to wait until you get it to apply for the card. It may be helpful to have any pre- or post-birth orders on hand, just in case officials would like to see those. You can begin applying for that card on the Social Security Administration’s website. 

Most parents don’t have any trouble with either step, but contact your specialist or attorney if you run into any difficulties.

2. Don’t Rush It

It’s understandable if you want to get back to “real life” with your new child, but this precious early time together is very short-lived. Additionally, there are two important reasons to take your time before heading home:

The first: More time with your surrogate and her family. This is the end of your journey together, and seeing your new family together will mean so much to her. Be sure to spend plenty of time with her while you can, even if you’re excited for some quality alone time with your own family!

The second: More time to make sure your baby is healthy and sturdy enough to travel. Newborns are surprisingly tough and ready to travel fairly quickly, but they can also benefit from a day or two of bonding time and adjusting to the world before they take their first trip. If you’re planning on flying, different airlines will have varying policies on the earliest they’ll permit an infant to fly with them, so this is something to be aware of before you book that flight.

3. Choose to Drive, If You Can

The first reason we recommend driving, if possible, is because of the aforementioned policies that airlines have regarding newborns. Some may require the baby’s birth certificate as proof of age, and if you don’t have that certificate yet, it can be an additional hurdle.

It’s absolutely possible to fly with an infant, but there are some benefits to driving your newborn home:

  • Reduced exposure to illness for a new immune system
  • The ability to make stops as-needed for diaper changes and feedings
  • Less chance of significant travel delays
  • No need for proof of age (if you’re nervous about not having all of your baby’s documentation yet)

Just like when flying, you’ll still want to follow basic newborn safety practices when driving. Otherwise, this route is fairly straightforward.

4. Bring Something to Organize Documents

Again, most of the surrogacy-related documentation will already have been sent to the hospital before the birth by your American Surrogacy specialist and your attorney. However, it never hurts to bring physical copies of relevant documentation with you to the hospital, just in case you or the hospital staff need to refer to something. 

You might pack copies of:

Afterwards, you’ll walk out of the hospital with a new baby — and a lot of papers. You may receive:

  • A list of immunizations
  • A list of health screenings and panels completed
  • Your baby’s birth stats
  • Doctor’s notes
  • Discharge papers
  • Pamphlets for new parents to help with the care of their newborn
  • A birth certificate, in some situations
  • And more

Having a folder of some sort where you can safely store and access these papers — alongside whatever surrogacy-related documentation you brought with you as a just-in-case measure — will likely be helpful.

5. Follow Standard Safety and Packing Tips

Parents everywhere will have plenty of advice for you when it comes to packing for the hospital and the trip home. The biggest differences in your situation: You won’t need to pack for postpartum care, and you’ll want to pack some extra clothes and supplies in case you’re in the hospital for a while.

Of course, the most important things you’ll need to have ready before you head out of the hospital with your baby include:

  • An approved carrier/car seat, preferably already installed
  • A stocked diaper bag
  • Breastmilk (and something to transport it in), formula or a combination of both
  • Diapers and wipes
  • Extra clothes
  • Plenty of cloths and rags
  • Bottles (remember that you can always clean them on-the-go, if you need to, so don’t overpack)
  • Some plastic bags to temporarily seal up dirty spit-up rags and clothes 

Resist the urge to pack the cute, unnecessary things. For now, just make sure that your baby is safe, comfortable, warm and fed as you travel home. Keep your own bags packed with strictly practical and comfortable items, too.

If you have any questions, or you’re uncertain about preparing to travel home with your surrogacy-born newborn, you can always ask your American Surrogacy specialist, or check in with parents who have been in your shoes
on our Instagram !

Our Instagram also has direct insight from intended parents who have been able to grow their families through surrogacy. Follow us there!