When You and Your Spouse Aren’t on the Same Page About Surrogacy

Choosing a family-building option is no easy decision. If you and your spouse have been considering your infertility options, you’ve probably had a lot of hard conversations to get you to where you are now — seriously considering gestational surrogacy.

But, what if you know that you and your spouse aren’t quite on the same page when it comes to moving forward?

First, remember this: Everyone takes their own time to grieve their infertility, and that’s entirely their right. Trying to rush your spouse into a decision they are not ready for will only backfire. You want your parenting journey together to start off on the right foot, don’t you?

If you and your spouse are in a deadlock about your next steps in the family-building process, there are some important things left for you to do. One of them is to speak with a specialist at American Surrogacy. Our team is always here to answer your questions and address your concerns about the surrogacy process. Ultimately, we want to help you make the best choice for your family, whatever that may be. Give us a call at 1-800-875-BABY(2229) to get started.

In the meantime, to help get you and your spouse on the right page, we suggest you proceed with these steps:

1. Consider Infertility Counseling.

If you haven’t already done so, you and your spouse should think about speaking with an infertility counselor. This is a professional who is well-versed in all of your infertility options and will walk you through the pros and cons of each. They will also help you and your spouse come to terms with any remaining emotions you have about your infertility process. That way, they can help you move forward with the path that is best for you.

If you have previously worked with a fertility clinic, those professionals will likely have a list of trusted infertility counselors that you might choose from. It’s important that you and your spouse are comfortable with the counselor of your choice; only then can you be honest enough to have a productive conversation about your options moving forward. Remember: Speaking with a counselor is not a sign of weakness but a sign that you and your spouse are dedicated to your future together as a family.

2. Do Your Research — Together.

When one partner isn’t as enthusiastic as another, it shows. You may be frustrated that your spouse is not committing as much time to the research and interview process as you, and you may be tempted to  blame them for dragging their feet because they haven’t done the work. However, remember that building a family is something you will do together. That will include researching and learning more about your options.

Rather than get irritated at your partner for their lack of interest, try to meet them halfway. Is there a particular option in which they are more interested than any other? Would it be more enjoyable to talk to other parents who have gone through a certain process than search through dozens of articles online? You might consider setting a plan; you’ll research gestational surrogacy, while they’ll research infant adoption. Schedule interviews with family-building professionals at a time when you are both free, and come up with a list of questions that each of you will be responsible for asking.

Little steps can play a big role in motivating your partner to get excited about any family-building options. You may find that involving an infertility counselor (see above) in this step can be helpful, too.

3. Be Honest About Your Wants and Needs.

If you are the enthusiastic partner in the relationship, it can be tempting to do anything to get your spouse on board with your plan. But, if you end up compromising too much, you may find that the things you wanted in the first place from gestational surrogacy aren’t present anymore.

Before you have your open and honest discussion with your spouse, you should both take the time to write down what is most important to you in your family-building process. This can include:

  • Genetic connection
  • Involvement in pregnancy
  • Knowledge of your child’s personal background
  • Cost
  • Timeline
  • Professionals involved
  • And more

Once you and your spouse have created two honest lists of what you want in your family-building journey, you should compare them. Without judgement or questioning, consider what you have in common, where you can compromise, and what you are uncomfortable giving up. That may bring you one step closer to finding the right family-building path for you.

4. Take Time to Reevaluate.

At the end of the day, choosing a family-building path is not a decision to be made lightly. As much as you prepare and discuss your options, it may simply take time for you and your spouse to grieve your infertility struggles and truly be open to a nontraditional family-building method such as gestational surrogacy. That’s completely okay.

Many intended parents feel rushed when contemplating their family-building options, especially if they have already spent years on unsuccessful infertility treatments and want a child as soon as possible. However, we encourage intended parents to take a deep breath and, if necessary, take a small break from their family-building journey if they need to. Sometimes, you are able to see much clearer when you’re not in the midst of the emotions that come with infertility and family-building. This time may also help your spouse reevaluate their opinions. They may even come to a realization during this time that gestational surrogacy is right for your family after all!

Wherever you and your spouse are at in your family-building journey, remember that American Surrogacy’s team will always be here for you. If you are interested in gestational surrogacy, but your spouse isn’t yet on board, we are happy to provide educational materials about our program to help them learn more. We can also provide references to trusted infertility counselors, should you need them.

Addressing Gamete Donors in Family Tree Assignments

School is back in session, and with it comes the familiar assignment that many young children tackle in their first few years of education — the family tree.

While it can be an interesting assignment for many families, it can be a confusing and even stressful one for those whose families have come together in nontraditional ways. While processes such as adoption, surrogacy and gamete donation are more common than ever, they still don’t tend to cross teachers’ minds when it comes to assigning out these traditional family-based projects.

If your child was born via surrogacy and gamete donation, you may be unsure of how to tackle this assignment when your child pulls it out of their backpack. The final decision will always be up to you and your son or daughter, but we’ve offered five ways you may address this topic in a healthy and positive way:

1. Consider whether it’s worth including.

The first thing to remember? That your family’s business is your business alone. Just because your child shares a genetic connection with a donor — anonymous or identified — doesn’t mean that you have to share that news with everyone.

Family trees are assigned for many reasons — to teach students about genetics, to help students get to know each other better, to practice presentation skills, and more. Learn what the focus of this project is for your child’s class. While it’s never a good idea to lie about your child’s personal history, when you’re the parent, it is always your role to safeguard your child’s story and whether or not you want to share it with people outside your family.

2. Ask your child about their thoughts.

Before you tell your child to include a sperm or egg donor on their family tree, make sure to talk to them! Children have as much right to their own birth and family story as anyone else, and it’s important that they play a role in their family tree assignment — and who they want to put on it.

Every donor-conceived and surrogacy-born child should know their personal story from an early age. If you’ve done your job right, your child will be aware of their surrogacy or gamete-donor story. They will likely have their own feelings about it, too.

3. Use an alternative family tree design.

When children are brought into a family in a non-traditional way, a traditional family tree structure can’t capture those nuances. If you and your child decide to move forward with a family tree, you should brainstorm together to find a way to best represent your child’s heritage and genetic background.

You might simply choose to add another line from your child to their sperm or egg donor, designating the difference between a genetic donor and an actual parent. Or, you may add your surrogate in the same way, with a line that makes it obvious your child isn’t genetically related to the surrogate.

Some adoptive and other non-traditional families choose to create “family forests” instead of trees. This way, they can emphasize the most important people in a child’s life, without necessarily pointing out genetic connections and non-genetic connections.

There are several ways you can create a non-traditional family tree. Work with your child to determine which is the best design for his or her preferences.

4. Talk to your child’s teachers about alternative assignments.

After discussion with your child, you may decide that a family tree is not the best assignment — especially if there are complications in your child’s family history, related or unrelated to their surrogacy story. Many teachers will be happy to work with you to find an alternative assignment. If your child doesn’t want to make a family tree based on their background, consider completing a family tree for a famous person in history, such as a president.

This brings up a good note for any parent: It’s a good idea to make your child’s teacher aware of any non-traditional aspects in your child’s family, to avoid awkward and complicated teaching moments throughout the whole school year.

5. Include the donor on the family tree — and use it as a teaching moment.

If you and your child are comfortable, don’t be afraid to use the inclusion of your child’s donor as a great opportunity to share the beauty of assisted reproduction methods with the classroom. While your child may be the only one in class conceived this way, remember that the number of nontraditional families in the U.S. is growing. Education plays a great role in tolerance and acceptance.

If your child is excited to share their surrogacy or donor story with their classroom, you’ll want to help them prepare for the class conversation. Give them some answers to ignorant comments and questions claiming that a surrogate “gave them up” or that their non-biological parent is not their “real” parent. You should also consider including the teacher on this preparation, so they can guide the class conversation is a positive and accepting way.

The pride that your child has in their own surrogacy story is a great example that you are doing a great job as a parent. Support them in this assignment; it will be the beginning of a lifetime spent answering questions and educating about surrogacy and gamete donation.

Have more questions about the nuances of raising a surrogacy-born, donor-conceived child? Talk to our surrogacy specialists anytime at 1-800-875-BABY(2229).

5 Tips for Bonding with Your Baby After Birth

Intended parents often have a lot to worry about during the surrogacy process — whether they will find the right surrogate, whether their embryos will implant, whether their surrogate will have a healthy pregnancy and delivery.

But, there’s another worry that some intended parents have after the whole journey is done — whether they will be able to bond with their baby born via surrogacy.

Every new parent has fears of not being able to bond with their new children, but those parents who have not physically carried their children through pregnancy appear to have an instant disadvantage in this process. Biological connection or pregnancy doesn’t make a family but, for many, it can help ease the transition into parenthood.

If you’re worried about properly bonding with your child after they are born, preparation is key. Your surrogacy specialist can always offer suggestions for your stay at the hospital and following time at home to help you feel more comfortable. Remember: You are not alone in feeling the way you do.

Here are a few tips to help you bond with your child after they come into the world:

1. Use skin-to-skin contact.

The best way to bond with your child occurs immediately after birth. When babies are born, they crave contact with a strong, warm human body to feel safe and secure. Having skin-to-skin contact with your child directly after they are born is the easiest and quickest way to catch up on the bonding you didn’t have during their in-utero development.

Skin-to-skin contact has been linked with certain benefits:

  • Reduces an infant’s responses to painful stimuli (vaccinations, blood sampling, cord-cutting)
  • Calms babies and allows them to sleep faster during skin-to-skin contact
  • Improves physiological benefits such as improved thermoregulation, cardiopulmonary stabilization, blood glucose levels, enhanced oxygen saturation levels and more
  • Decreases separation anxiety
  • And more

Skin-to-skin contact should be a part of your surrogate’s delivery plan. This way, both parties will know what to expect once the child is delivered. Many experts recommend post-birth skin-to-skin contact to last as long as possible (at least an hour).

Physical touch will remain an important part of bonding with your child in the weeks and months to come, as well.

2. Take advantage of feeding time.

Another great opportunity for bonding with a new baby can be found during feeding time — especially if you are an intended mother who breastfeeds her child.

That’s right; intended mothers can breastfeed just as any woman who carried her own child can. It will require a certain medical protocol with your doctor, but you can share this experience with your child born via surrogacy, if you desire.

Breastfeeding gives the added benefit of skin-on-skin contact but, if you choose not to breastfeed, you can still share this contact while bottle-feeding your baby. Make sure to also share plenty of eye contact during this time, and limit distractions to have as effective a bonding experience as possible.

3. Frequently communicate and interact with your baby.

It’s important that your baby become familiar with your voice, especially because they’ve spent their entire time in utero listening to your surrogate’s voice. It may feel foolish at first, but try to narrate your activities when you’re around your child. They will automatically pay attention and be comforted, recognizing your role as their caregiver and parent.

At the same time, play with your baby every day. Not only will this encourage your baby’s brain development, but it will also provide a fun bonding experience. When you play up-close with your child, they will start to recognize your face and mimic your actions.

4. Pay close attention to your child’s needs.

It may seem obvious, but anticipating and responding to your baby’s needs will help you bond with them in a way nothing else will. After all, this is the mark of a good parent. Meeting your child’s needs will help both you and them feel fulfilled in your roles and in your relationship with each other.

Don’t worry if you don’t anticipate your child’s needs correctly every time. Parenting is a learned skill, and it may take some time to recognize a “feed me” cry from an “I’m tired” cry. Your bond, as it grows, will help you be more confident in your parenting skills.

5. Remember that bonding may take some time.

Finally, be patient with yourself. You’ve probably heard lots of stories about parents having an “instant” connection with their child after birth, but it’s totally normal to take some time to properly bond with your child. A baby is a big adjustment in your life, and being a parent can be overwhelming at first.

If you don’t feel an instant connection with your child, it doesn’t make you a bad parent. It just makes you human. Follow the suggestions from your surrogacy specialist and your pediatrician for proper bonding, and you will feel like the parent you’re meant to be in no time.

Remember: You Don’t Have to Wait Until Your Baby is Born!

Just because someone else is carrying your baby doesn’t mean that there is no bonding you can do during pregnancy. In fact, there are a few common steps that intended parents take to create a bond with their child before they even enter the world:

  • Talking to their baby, or having their surrogate play recordings of their voice during pregnancy
  • Being involved in important milestones, such as ultrasounds
  • Providing a transitional item for your surrogate during pregnancy
  • Accustoming your child to your home environment with certain music, smells and more

Remember: Your surrogacy specialist has helped many intended parents through this process, and she is available to help you through your bonding before and after birth. Don’t hesitate to reach out at 1-800-875-BABY(2229) or online to receive some more suggestions for building a bond with your new baby.

Are You Ready to Be a Surrogate Again?

5 Questions to Ask Yourself

For many women, being a surrogate is a beautiful journey that teaches them a great deal about love, family and themselves. Because of their positive experiences, many surrogates eventually decide that a second — or even third — surrogacy is in the cards for them.

But, how do you know when it’s the right time to start the surrogacy journey all over again?

The best person to talk to will always be your surrogacy specialist. She can discuss your previous surrogacy journey and your current situation to determine whether you are ready to become a gestational carrier again. If you’re considering this path, don’t hesitate to reach out to American Surrogacy’s team today.

In the meantime, you should start by asking yourself these questions:

1. Do you still meet our agency’s surrogacy requirements?

The first qualification to become a surrogate again is meeting American Surrogacy’s set of surrogacy requirements. Just because you have been a surrogate before doesn’t mean you will automatically get accepted into our program; your situation may have changed since your first journey, and you will need to undergo proper screening to ensure you are 100 percent prepared for another surrogacy process.

Your surrogacy specialist will always discuss our program’s requirements with you before you get started, as well as any exceptions that may be made for your application. As a reminder, here are the basic requirements you will need to meet:

  • Be between the ages of 21 and 38
  • Have a BMI between 19 and 32
  • Be currently raising a child
  • Have no more than five vaginal births and no more than four cesarean births
  • Have no major complications from previous pregnancies, including your gestational pregnancy
  • Be able to travel as needed
  • Not be on antidepressants or anti-anxiety medication for 12 months

See our agency’s full list of surrogate requirements here.

2. How long has it been since your last surrogacy journey?

Part of our requirements for surrogates is that there have been at least six months since your last vaginal or cesarean birth. That applies to gestational pregnancies, as well.

Pregnancy and childbirth can take a great toll on a woman’s body, and you will need time to recover before you can commit yourself to a year or more of medical tests and procedures and another pregnancy. When you can become a surrogate again will always be up to your personal physician and the fertility clinic with which you work; they will have the best idea of whether or not you are recovered enough for pregnancy.

You are welcome to call your specialist at 1-800-875-BABY(2229) any time after your first gestational pregnancy to express your interest in returning to our agency. Your specialist may be able to complete preliminary screenings while you wait for your six-month clearance. However, our surrogates’ safety is of the utmost importance, so our specialists will not allow you to get started until you are deemed healthy enough to do so.

3. How did your family feel about your last journey? How will they feel about this new journey?

When you become a surrogate, you’re not just committing yourself — you are also committing your family to a year or more of an intense journey. It’s not enough to ask whether you are ready to become a surrogate again. Is your family ready for you to take this journey again?

You should have an open and honest conversation with your entire family before you decide to be a gestational carrier again. They may feel differently about the surrogacy process having now been through it all and understanding exactly what it requires from them and from you. You should also consider your family’s current situation — Are your children older and will better comprehend what you are doing? Can your spouse still provide support in the way they did last time?

Don’t just assume that if your family was fine with surrogacy before, that they will be fine with surrogacy again. Make them an active part of your decision-making process.

4. What roles are your former intended parents playing in this decision?

Sometimes, gestational surrogates are inspired to do this journey again because of their intended parents. Your former intended parents may be interested in another surrogacy journey, and they may have asked you whether you are interested in carrying for them again.

Being a repeat surrogate for certain intended parents can seem like a dream come true. You already have an established relationship, and you know what the surrogacy journey will be like with them as your partners. However, it’s important that you’re not considering surrogacy again just because they’ve asked you to. There is no reason to feel pressured into being a gestational carrier again, especially if you’re not ready.

If this is your situation, try to take the intended parents out of the conversation. Would you still be willing to go through the challenges and rewards of surrogacy for other intended parents, too?

5. Is your lifestyle conducive to becoming a surrogate again?

If you have positive memories from your previous surrogacy journey, it’s only natural to want to replicate those with another journey. But, it’s important that you not let your emotions cloud your judgement. Becoming a surrogate again is a huge decision.

Think about everything that you considered before becoming a surrogate for the first time. You should think about all those things and more. Are you truly emotionally ready for surrogacy — especially a surrogacy that may not be as great as the first? Can you commit yourself physically and mentally to another surrogacy process, no matter what happens?

While this is an important conversation to have with yourself, it’s also an important one to have with your surrogacy specialist. Our team at American Surrogacy is always here to help our clients do what is best for them and their family. That includes helping you determine whether being a surrogate is the best choice for you at this time.

To learn more, please contact your surrogacy specialist online or at 1-800-875-BABY(2229) today.

5 Losses to Be Prepared for in the Surrogacy Process

Deciding to start the surrogacy process is an exciting step. You’re closer to having a child than you ever have been, and it’s easy to look forward to the positive experiences awaiting you as you take this journey with a gestational carrier.

However, it’s also important to remember that surrogacy is not all rainbows and butterflies. While there are exciting moments in this journey to become a parent, there may be hard moments, too. Before you decide to start the gestational surrogacy process, you’ll need to prepare yourself for the good and the bad.

Fortunately, your specialist at American Surrogacy will be there to support you every step of the way. Wherever you are in your journey, she can answer your questions and address your concerns – making sure that you are comfortable and confident throughout.

Before you start your surrogacy journey, you’ll need to talk with our surrogacy specialists about your expectations. Here’s what we encourage all intended parents prepare themselves for before moving forward:

1. Infertility Grief and Loss

Most intended parents come to gestational surrogacy after months and years of infertility treatment. It can be a sensitive and raw subject, but infertility losses are something that all intended parents should cope with prior to starting the surrogacy journey. Only then can they fully commit themselves to the challenges and rewards of gestational surrogacy.

That said, there may be moments in your surrogacy journey where you are reminded of your previous infertility grief and losses. Infertility memories can pop up when you least expect it, even when you think you’ve fully accepted the situation you are in. Some of the most exciting moments of surrogacy — finding out your carrier is pregnant, being there for your child’s birth — can bring up these old emotions. So, every intended parent should be ready for these moments and prepared for how to handle them in a positive manner.

2. Loss of the Pregnancy Experience

One of the biggest losses for intended parents (especially intended mothers) is the ability to be directly involved in their child’s development in utero. When you choose gestational surrogacy, you are trusting someone else to carry your child for you. That can be a tough thing to reconcile, especially if you’ve had dreams of being pregnant.

Remember: While you may not be carrying your child yourself, you can still be actively involved in your surrogate’s pregnancy. You can be included in important doctor’s appointments, and your surrogate will keep you updated on her pregnancy every step of the way.

It’s important that every intended parent has grieved their loss of the pregnancy experience in order to show the excitement that their gestational surrogate will desire during their journey together.

3. Failed Transfers or Miscarriages

In an ideal surrogacy journey, the first embryo transfer takes and results in a healthy child. However, this isn’t always the case.

Failed transfers and miscarriages are more common than intended parents think, and it can be incredibly disheartening to experience one on your way to becoming a parent. Remember this: There are no dramatic differences in miscarriage rates when it comes to in vitro fertilization, and a miscarriage is no one’s fault. Your surrogacy specialist will be there to support you and your surrogate during this unfortunate situation. When you’re ready to try again, they will help you through the next steps – with no additional fees from our agency.

4. Loss of the Childbirth Experience

Although you won’t be the one physically giving birth to your child, you will still be involved in the childbirth process. Your experience will just be different when you’re an intended parent.

You and your surrogate will create a delivery plan together, which will detail things like:

  • Where she will give birth
  • Who will hold the baby first
  • Whether you will have a room at the hospital
  • Whether you will breastfeed your child (if you are an intended mother)
  • What kind of medical procedures you have planned for your child
  • And more

You will always be treated as the parent during your child’s birth, but it can be tough to create a delivery plan if you have unresolved grief and loss surrounding this experience. Intended parents should cope with these emotions as much as possible prior to starting surrogacy. That way, their child’s birth will be an exciting and joyful process — not an emotionally complicated one.

5. Loss of a “Traditional” Birth Story

Before coming to gestational surrogacy, many intended parents dream about the story they’ll have of bringing their little one into the world. But, when plans change and surrogacy is their only option, they may be initially ashamed or way or sharing their child’s surrogacy story with the world.

Remember this: Surrogacy or any lack of genetic connection does not make you any less of a parent to your child. The prospect of telling your child, friends and family about their surrogacy story may sadden you at first — but it’s actually something to celebrate! Surrogacy is a beautiful and unique way to bring a child into the world, and it’s a story that you and your family should be proud to tell to the world.

If you are not sure of how to explain surrogacy to your child or to your loved ones, your surrogacy specialist will always be here to help.

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Coping with the losses of the surrogacy journey can be tough, but any intended parent will tell you that it will be all worth it in the end. If you are having difficulty accepting the losses associated with surrogacy, either before you begin or during your journey, you can call your surrogacy specialist at 1-800-875-BABY(2229) anytime. American Surrogacy will always be here for you.

Are You Ready for Another Baby? Starting Another Surrogacy Journey

A baby can bring a great deal of joy into your life. If you’ve had a child through the surrogacy process, you know all the hard work, time and effort it took was all worth it.

But, what if you’re thinking of adding a second pair of little feet to your family?

Many people — whether they had a child traditionally or through a process such as adoption or surrogacy — find the idea of a second child to be appealing. You will give your older child a sibling to grow up with, and you’ll get to experience the beauty of childbirth and parenting an infant all over again.

But, if you had your first child through gestational surrogacy, there’s a bit more to consider. Starting the surrogacy process again (or exploring other infertility options) is a big commitment. How do you know whether your family is ready for another little one?

Remember that your specialist at American Surrogacy will always be here to talk to you about your options, even if you’re just testing the waters about a second surrogacy journey. Don’t be afraid to reach out at 1-800-875-BABY(2229) or online today to talk to our experts.

In the meantime, here are some questions you might ask yourself before moving forward with a second surrogacy journey:

1. Are you financially prepared?

Bringing home any baby requires a great deal of financial planning. It’s no secret that infants are expensive. If you’re thinking about having another child, your childcare and child supply costs will double. While you will save some money on hand-me-down supplies from your first child, you should be prepared to spend just as much on medical expenses for your second child as your first.

If a second child requires a surrogacy journey, there are additional costs to consider. Can you afford the tens of thousands of dollars it requires to complete the gestational surrogacy process — while also maintaining financial stability for your other child? Before you decide to have another child via surrogacy, we recommend speaking with a financial planner. They can give you a better idea of your financial situation and whether surrogacy is a possibility for your family at this time.

There are certainly ways to make surrogacy more affordable, but are you ready for the financial requirements of going through this journey again?

2. Have you considered all of your family-building options?

Many intended parents have such a wonderful experience with gestational surrogacy that they are excited to go through the process again. And that’s great! But, just as you did before your first surrogacy journey, it’s important that you consider all of your family-building options again.

Simply by having a child now, your family situation is different than it was when you started your first surrogacy journey. You may find that a different family-building option (such as adoption) fits your family’s needs a little better this time around. Surrogacy is not right for every family at every time in their life, even if they’ve already completed the process once. That’s why it’s so important to speak with a surrogacy specialist and your reproductive endocrinologist to learn more about your options — keeping in mind your personal financial situation, reproductive health and more.

When you’re ready to discuss a second gestational surrogacy, feel free to contact your surrogacy specialist for more information.

3. How will your older child’s age play into your decision?

For many families, there is a “sweet spot” when it comes to the best time to have another child. For some, it’s as soon as possible after their first, while other parents wait a few years to recover from their first experience of parenting.

Intended parents should always consider their eldest child’s age when thinking about adding another child to their family. Gestational surrogacy can take a year or more to complete, so you’ll need to factor that into the future age difference between your children. The decision of when the “right time” is will always be up to you, but here are some things to consider:

  • If your first child is still young: Having siblings close in age can be the best option for some intended parents. They are able to tackle the diaper and infant stage quickly, and their children share the same milestones around roughly the same time. However, depending on how long it’s been since your first child was born, you may not have the financial savings or mental fortitude to jump back into the gestational surrogacy process right away.
  • If your first child is older: If it’s been several years or more since your child is born, you will already have a large age gap between your children — and it will get larger because of surrogacy’s timeline. Are you prepared to go through the challenges of raising a newborn again? Are you ready to add another 18 years (or more) onto your time as a parent with a child at home? Do you still have young, healthy embryos that can be used in the surrogacy process? You may not be keen on the idea of being a parent to a smaller child again, and that’s totally okay!

Ultimately, the decision of whether to start the surrogacy journey again will always be up to you. It may take many honest conversations between you and your spouse (if applicable) before determining whether gestational surrogacy is a path you want to take again.

Remember: If you ever have questions or want more information about how a repeat surrogacy journey works, please contact your surrogacy specialist anytime.

3 Tips for Intended Parents When It Comes to Baby Showers

When you’re an intended parent, you often have to sacrifice some big experiences found in a typical pregnancy journey. But, you don’t have to sacrifice having a baby shower!

As you go through the surrogacy process, you may have friends or family members approach you about throwing you a baby shower. Or, you may want to throw a baby shower yourself. Either way, you may be unsure of how to approach this celebratory event if you’re not actually the one giving birth.

The good news? It won’t matter. Regardless of how you get to parenthood, you are expecting — and you deserve all the love and appreciation that any other parent-to-be would receive from their friends and family.

In many ways, your baby shower will be the same as any other parent’s. However, there are a few things you’ll want to consider ahead of time to have the most positive baby shower possible, for yourself and for your gestational carrier.

Remember, you can always contact our surrogacy specialists for tips and advice anytime at 1-800-875-BABY(2229). In the meantime, we’ve offered a few tips to guide you through your party-planning process.

1. Be Involved in the Planning of Your Shower.

In a traditional pregnancy, many expectant parents leave the planning all up to the friend or family member who offers to host. But, because the family-building process is a bit more complicated for those pursuing surrogacy, it’s important that intended parents play an active role in the planning of their baby shower. That way, they can ensure the process is represented truthfully and positively.

Involving expectant parents in any baby shower is also a good logistic move. Parents-to-be are often busy as can be in the time leading up to their child’s birth (especially so if they are coordinating a gestational surrogacy). If a friend or family member is throwing your baby shower, talk to them about your desires for a party, including:

  • Guest list
  • Time and date
  • Gifts or no gifts
  • Food and game list
  • And more

This is your baby shower, so it makes sense that your loved one will want to create an experience you will enjoy! Don’t be afraid to make your preferences known throughout the planning process.

2. Think About Whether You’ll Include Your Gestational Carrier.

One of the more complicated parts of throwing a baby shower for a gestational surrogacy is the addition of a gestational carrier. While it may make total sense to you to include your surrogate in the festivities, your loved one throwing the event may worry about including her for fear of confusing other guests, hurting your feelings, or taking attention away from you and your spouse during the event.

Ultimately, the decision of whether to invite your gestational carrier (and determining what role she will play) will always be up to you.

If you have a great relationship with your surrogate, it may seem only natural to include her in this important event. Including your surrogate won’t draw attention away from you; she will be excited to simply be a part of your journey, and she’ll make sure to talk to your guests about your journey as parents, not her own as a surrogate. If you want to invite your surrogate, make sure to give her the heads-up on what she can expect and emphasize that she is in no way obligated to bring a gift. After all, she’s already giving you the best gift possible.

What if you’re not sure you want to invite your gestational surrogate? Maybe you’re worried how your loved ones will treat her or that her inclusion might cause a bit of awkwardness. Perhaps you just want your baby shower to be a small gathering of close family and friends. If this is the case, it’s completely your right to exclude her from the list — but it’s a good idea to explain your decision in person, so she doesn’t feel slighted or un-appreciated. Maybe offer to take her out for a nice lunch or dinner (if possible) to celebrate the baby’s impending arrival on your own.

If you’re having trouble with this conversation, don’t hesitate to reach out to your surrogacy specialist for guidance and suggestions.

3. Make Sure Your Guests Understand the Surrogacy Process.

When you’re having a child via gestational surrogacy, you automatically become an ambassador for the surrogacy process. So, expect your guests at your baby shower to be a bit curious about this process and what it entails on your end.

Many intended parents want to enjoy their baby shower with their friends and family, not answer questions about surrogacy throughout the whole thing. And no one wants a loved one discovering you’re going through surrogacy when they first arrive at the baby shower. To avoid this awkwardness, and to help all of your guests have a base knowledge beforehand, make sure your announcements include the fact that guests will be showering the intended parents and a gestational carrier. You can also include some basic information about how surrogacy works to reduce the likelihood that you’ll spend your party answering the same questions over and over again.

Another note: If you’re planning on including your surrogate in the festivities, make sure your guests know who she is, and make it clear whether or not gifts are also expected for her during the gathering.

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With a little bit of preparation, you can have the baby shower that you deserve after your long path to becoming a parent. Surrogacy can be complicated, but approaching every step in the process with an open mind and the right information can make all the difference.

Want more tips on hosting the best baby shower for your family? Talk to your surrogacy specialist or to other intended parents for advice and suggestions as you get ready for the big event.

5 Tips for Finding a Pediatrician for Your Child Born via Surrogacy

When you use surrogacy to add a child to your family, there are a lot of medical professionals involved: your reproductive endocrinologist, your surrogate’s personal physician and obstetricians, nurses at the hospital, and more.

But, have you thought about the most important professional you’ll need once your surrogacy is done — your child’s pediatrician?

Finding the right pediatrician for your child will take some time. One bright side of your surrogate carrying your child? You will have the time to research and choose the perfect doctor for your baby once they are born.

Below, find five important tips to keep in mind during this search. Remember: Your surrogacy specialist will always be available to answer your questions about raising a child born via surrogacy, including how your pediatrician can play a role in this journey.

Don’t hesitate to contact us at 1-800-875-BABY(2229) today for more information.

1. Do thorough research.

One of the best ways to spend the time waiting for your child to be born? Preparing yourself for their arrival — which includes finding the right pediatrician to look after their medical health.

Finding a pediatrician involves more than just choosing the closest doctor to you. Your child’s pediatrician will provide preventative care to your child throughout their childhood, and they will play an integral part in your child’s physical and mental development. They will also be a great resource to you by providing education about child development, safety and more.

When you first start researching options for pediatricians, you’ll want to consider:

  • Location, hours and after-hour care
  • Insurance coverage
  • Whether the doctor is accepting new patients
  • The doctor’s certifications and awards
  • The doctor’s experience and any areas of specialization
  • And more

2. Ask for references and recommendations.

If this is your first child, you may be unsure of what you are looking for in a pediatrician. Talking to those who have been through this process before can be helpful.

One of the best ways to find a good local pediatrician is by asking your friends and family members with children. They can let you know who they are seeing, what they like about them, and what they wished they had known about pediatricians before starting. Their experience can serve you well in your personal search.

You might also reach out to your (or your surrogate’s) obstetrician. They may have advice for finding a good pediatrician based on your and your surrogate’s health background, and they might even recommend a few physicians to start with.

3. Interview potential pediatricians.

Once you have a list of prospective pediatricians, you will need to interview the ones you are seriously interested in. Your first time meeting your baby’s pediatrician shouldn’t be at your baby’s first visit; you should establish a relationship with the doctor prior to your baby even being born.

There are a lot of great doctors out there, and many of them may work as your personal pediatrician. To determine your best fit, you’ll need to meet the doctor in person. This will give you a chance to ask any questions you may have about their practice and their medical opinions, as well as determine whether you two “click” and have a good relationship.

This can be the lengthiest part of finding a pediatrician, so make sure to start your interviews early! The more doctors you talk to, the better idea you’ll have of what you’re looking for in a pediatrician for your child.

4. Keep your surrogacy experience in mind.

In many ways, the process of finding a pediatrician for a child born via surrogacy will be very similar to that of a child born in a traditional manner. However, there are a few things you should consider.

If you are matched with an out-of-state surrogate, the first pediatrician to see your child will likely be in the city where your gestational carrier gives birth. You’ll want to talk with your surrogate’s obstetrician for local recommendations, and you’ll want to keep your own pediatrician up-to-date on pregnancy and delivery news as it occurs. You’ll also want to ask your local pediatrician when they would like to see the baby after you return home and make sure that the hospital at which your child is born sends the proper paperwork to your local doctor.

If your child has been conceived with a gamete donation, you’ll need to inform your pediatrician, as well. This may play a role in your decision — is your pediatrician familiar with the ins-and-outs of sperm and egg donation, and do they have experience tackling this issue with current patients? How will they navigate the issue of social and medical history from a donor when caring for your child?

You’ll need to work with a pediatrician who is comfortable with your child’s surrogacy background — and is willing to do more research whenever necessary. So, make sure your surrogacy experience is an important topic of your initial conversation with a prospective doctor.

5. Don’t be afraid to change your mind.

The pediatrician that you choose for your child will most likely be there throughout the years (and even decades!) to come. It’s a big decision — and it’s completely normal if your needs and wants end up changing over the years to come. Fortunately, there are many pediatricians out there, and you will find the one that is best for your child.

Say you choose one pediatrician to start with. But, on your first visit with the doctor and your baby, you’re not satisfied with the level of care you receive. Alternatively, your child may develop a condition during childhood that your pediatrician may not be able to adequately care for. Changing doctors is totally acceptable — it’s not a comment on your ability as a parent or even the doctor’s ability to do their job!

You are never obligated to remain with a certain medical professional just because you started with that person. As a parent, you must always do what is right for your child!

Want more tips and hints for life as a parent after surrogacy? Reach out to your surrogacy specialist anytime at 1-800-875-BABY(2229).

6 Ways to Help Those Going through Surrogacy

Things You Can Do and Say to Help Surrogates or Intended Parents

If you’re friends with a surrogate or an intended parent, you’re likely wondering how you can help them. Surrogacy journeys are full of joys and excitements, but they can also be tough and tiring for everyone involved.

Here’s how you can lend your support if your loved one is in the midst of the surrogacy process, whether they’re a surrogate or an intended parent:

1. Offer practical support whenever you can.

The business of pregnancy and waiting for a baby can be hectic, time-consuming and physically draining. This is true for any expectant parent, and it’s also true for gestational surrogates and intended parents.

Surrogates are raising children of their own at home in addition to growing another family’s baby, so they would probably welcome an extra hand with everyday tasks as their pregnancy progresses! Offer to watch your friend’s kids while she’s at her obstetrician appointments or bring over a casserole for dinner so she can have some leftovers.

Although the intended parents aren’t handling the physical strains of the pregnancy, they’re still busy and stressed about their upcoming baby. They may be called for their surrogate’s delivery last-minute, so offer to housesit or watch their other children for them while they’re away. Even offering to take them out to lunch to get their mind off of things can be helpful.

2. Listen.

The surrogacy process can be incredibly emotional for both gestational surrogates and intended parents. There will likely be some ups and downs, and they’ll need someone to talk to about it.

Sometimes, the best way to show your support for someone you love is to just be there and listen. No need to fix anything for them — just hear them out so they can work through their feelings.

3. Encourage them.

The end result of surrogacy — a brand-new baby — makes all struggles worthwhile. But, your loved one will likely need continued encouragement from you to remind them why they started their surrogacy journey in the first place.

The surrogacy process takes at least a year once it’s underway, and that doesn’t include the time that it takes an intended parent to decide that this family-building path is the right one for them. Your loved one will need your encouragement as they continue pursuing something so important, especially when their journey feels difficult.

4. Celebrate their joys.

There are a lot of moments to be celebrated throughout the surrogacy process, both big and small. But because surrogacy is still a relatively misunderstood way to build a family, many people don’t recognize these joys for surrogates and parents.

Your loved one will feel more appreciated and part of a “normal,” celebrated experience if you take the time to acknowledge these joys. If you’re not sure what’s appropriate, ask!

Offer to throw a baby shower for the intended parents and ask how to appropriately honor the surrogate and surrogacy process. Congratulate your surrogate friend on the pregnancy, and let her know to extend your congratulations to the baby’s parents. Surrogates, intended parents and children born via surrogacy all deserve to be celebrated like anyone else, while you also acknowledge their unique journey to get where they are now.

5. Educate others.

Your loved one probably gets a little tired of answering questions about their surrogacy process. They’ve likely talked to you about their experiences, so you already have some knowledge of how surrogacy works.

A great way to show your support for those who have been touched by surrogacy is to educate others about the process and to dispel misconceptions. Continue to learn about surrogacy, and then share your newfound information with others. If you notice someone spreading inaccurate information about surrogacy, set the record straight with some facts!

Just be sure to avoid sharing information from your friend’s personal surrogacy story with others.

6. Be ready to help after their surrogacy journey is over.

Gestational surrogates will be recovering postpartum, and new parents will be right in the middle of baby craziness.

Sending a card or flowers to either party is a nice gesture. Even better, bring over a meal to help save them some time as everyone gets back to their lives post-surrogacy, or offer to babysit their older children so that they can have a quick break.

Remember that gestational surrogates will want some time to rest and recuperate, and new parents will want plenty of alone-time to bond with their child and settle in with the newest family member, so give your loved one some space.

However you help and support your loved one throughout their surrogacy journey, they’ll appreciate that you took the time to make the effort. If you need advice on supporting a gestational surrogate or an intended parent, you can always reach out to an American Surrogacy specialist at 1-800-875-BABY(2229).

7 Things People Still Get Wrong About Surrogacy — and the Truth Behind Them

At one point, we’ve all probably believed some pretty ridiculous things. Then, you listen, you learn, and your worldview opens up a little more.

It’s time to stop believing (and spreading) a few ridiculous things about surrogacy. Now is your opportunity to learn something new or to share your information with someone else!

Here are 7 things people still get wrong about surrogacy:

1. Women get rich by becoming surrogates.

Base compensation for surrogates starts around $30,000–$40,000 for an approximately year-long journey. Does that seem like a lot? Consider what a surrogate goes through:

She’s expected to submit to a series of tests and screening processes, take an intense regimen of fertility medications, complete more tests and medical procedures, carry a pregnancy and have a relationship with the intended parents. That’s all in addition to caring for her own children and managing her career, if she works outside the home.

The surrogacy process usually takes more than a year of a woman’s time, effort, dedication and physical work. She takes on risks and responsibility. Accepting some amount of compensation for that is reasonable.

That’s all after one important fact: Surrogates aren’t in this for any money they receive. Time and again, women say that the reason they became surrogates is because they wanted to help intended parents.

2. Surrogacy is illegal.

Well, yes and no.

Each state sets its own regulations for the surrogacy process. They often fall under one of these categories:

  • Prohibit surrogacy
  • Have no laws on surrogacy, which makes the process legal — but the process must be completed with experienced professionals to do so safely
  • Outlaw certain types of surrogacy and are very welcoming of other types
  • Have detailed surrogacy regulations, which keeps the process safer for everyone involved and makes the legal steps involved easier and more streamlined

The misconception lies in the belief that there is a blanket ban on surrogacy in the U.S., which simply isn’t true. While there are some states that are more surrogacy-friendly than others, experienced national agencies like American Surrogacy work to guide intended parents and gestational surrogates throughout the country safely through this process.

It’s always important to work with a surrogacy professional that’s able to navigate the variations in state laws. American Surrogacy can help.

3. Surrogates might keep the baby.

A gestational surrogate can’t legally keep the baby she carries — and she wouldn’t want to in the first place! The baby isn’t hers, in more ways than one.

In most states, a gestational surrogate doesn’t have legal parental rights, because the baby isn’t biologically hers. Laws vary by state, but in states where the woman who gives birth to the baby is presumed to be the mother, intended parents can often officially confirm their legal parental rights with documentation before the baby is even born. Additionally, in every surrogacy contract, intended parents legally agree that they must assume all parental rights and responsibilities of the baby after he or she is born, no matter what. So, before a surrogate is even pregnant, custody is usually locked in.

On to the second point: A surrogate isn’t interested in keeping the baby. She has her own children to care for, so she isn’t “after” the intended parents’! She understands what surrogacy is, and she’s only interested in “babysitting” the intended parents’ child in order to help them have the family they’ve been longing for. Remember: Every surrogate is psychologically screened beforehand to confirm that she shares this mindset.

4. Women should carry babies for their friends or family members.

When friends or family members enter into a surrogacy arrangement together, this is called “identified surrogacy.” This type of surrogacy can work out great in many situations, but it can also pose unique emotional challenges that are less likely to occur in a matched partnership.

As long as everyone involved is fully aware of potential hurdles before they begin, and each party has separate legal representation for the creation of their surrogacy contract — an absolute must, no matter how much you love and trust one another — then identified surrogacy can be a mutually positive experience.

However, identified surrogacy is not necessarily the preferred method over a matched partnership. It all depends on the preferences of the surrogate and the intended parents involved.

5. Surrogacy involves intercourse between the surrogate and the intended father.

Ok, here’s how this works:

An embryo is created through IVF in a lab using egg and sperm from the intended parents or donors. That embryo will eventually be transferred to the gestational carrier’s uterus in a fertility clinic with a doctor.

That’s how surrogates become pregnant — not in the “traditional” way.

6. Intended parents choose surrogacy to avoid being pregnant.

Most intended parents would give anything to be able to carry their child themselves. Choosing surrogacy often comes after a long grieving process, letting go of some old dreams and experiencing a lot of pain ­— sometimes physical as well as emotional.

Don’t ever believe that intended parents are just “getting out” of pregnancy. You don’t know what they’ve gone through to get where they are now.

7. Parents can’t bond with children born via surrogacy.

If parents need to give birth to their children in order to love and bond with them, then do you believe that families formed through adoption are also unable to establish these bonds? This is an absurd assumption that people make because they’ve never experienced anything other than traditional, genetic family connections.

Forming bonds with babies born via surrogacy, like adopted infants, can take some time and special care for some families. For others, the connection is instant. Either way, those bonds will form — no less strong or “real” than those of any other family.

You can learn more about the surrogacy process and receive information about becoming a gestational surrogate or intended parent by contacting American Surrogacy online or at 1-800-875-BABY
(2229).