Tips for Surviving a Failed Transfer: Intended Parents

You’ve waited for this moment and put a significant amount of hope and money on the line — only to find out that this embryo transfer failed and your gestational surrogate is not pregnant this time. Now what?

Everyone’s reaction to a failed transfer is going to be different. But, these general tips may help you cope with this loss, so you can start to move forward with the next steps in your surrogacy journey:

Do:

Allow yourself a moment to feel whatever you’re feeling.

If you experienced infertility prior to pursuing surrogacy, then you already had to grieve that loss. For some, a failed transfer can feel like an IVF failure all over again. It’s OK if you’re feeling hopeless, frustrated and disappointed. Talk to your spouse, partner, surrogacy specialist, counselor or whoever you lean on for support to help you deal with this loss in a healthy way.

Connect with your surrogate and with other intended parents.

Your surrogate is also grieving for, and with, you. It wasn’t her embryo, but her hopes were high for you, and she’s probably going through some guilt and sadness of her own. Turning to one another for support can be comforting — you’re in this together, after all. Talking to parents via surrogacy or IVF who experienced similar setbacks can also be reassuring, and they can often offer perspective and tips for coping.

Focus on your surrogacy plan.

When you created your surrogacy contract, you agreed on a maximum number of embryo transfers with your gestational surrogate. This wasn’t your only chance. Failed transfers aren’t at all unusual. Your fertility clinic and surrogacy specialist know that, and they’ll help you to stay focused on your next step.

Don’t:

Indulge the urge to jump ship.

It can be tempting to switch fertility clinics, gestational surrogates, surrogacy professionals, or even run from your surrogacy journey altogether when something goes wrong. It often takes more than one transfer to become pregnant, and failed transfers aren’t a sign that any person within your surrogacy team is failing you. Stick with it, and stick with them for a while longer. Everyone is doing their utmost for you.

Blame yourself.

You might look for someone else to blame, or you might try to blame yourself. Ultimately, there’s no one at fault. Somehow, it’s more frustrating to shrug and say that, “These things just happen,” but unfortunately, it’s true. You’re doing everything you can for your future baby, and nothing you or anyone else could have done would have made this transfer magically successful.

Become overwhelmed by this loss.

Again, a failed embryo transfer can be incredibly devastating — even more so if you have experienced pregnancy losses in the past. However, it’s important that you don’t lose sight of something important: If you stick with this, you will become a parent. This is easier said than done when you’re grieving a loss, and it sometimes feels like it’ll “never happen,” but it will.

If you’re struggling after a failed transfer, or you need some guidance about emotionally moving forward with your surrogacy journey, you can always contact a specialist at American Surrogacy for help.

What Can Surrogates Do to Make Their Intended Parents’ Journey Easier?

Everyone knows: Being a surrogate is hard work. But, between all of the focus on your health, pregnancy and well-being, intended parents can sometimes get lost. And that’s not fair!

While intended parents may not go through the same physical process as their gestational carrier, they go through an equally difficult emotional process. It’s hard to give up control of their baby’s development in utero, even to a woman that they trust deeply. For them, surrogacy is the last step in the long, hard journey they’ve taken to become parents — and this step can sometimes be the hardest yet.

If you’re a surrogate, you want to make your intended parents’ part of the surrogacy journey as easy as possible. That’s a very generous and selfless thing to do, and we commend you for it. But, how can you go above and beyond to help them during your pregnancy?

Below, find a few tips for doing exactly that. Remember, you can always speak with your surrogacy specialist for more advice on what is and is not appropriate in your surrogacy relationship.

1. Keep them informed of your pregnancy and the baby’s development.

The biggest thing you can do to ease your intended parents’ minds? Communicate, communicate, communicate.

Your intended parents are giving up a great deal of control by using the surrogacy process. Even though they trust you to carry their child safely, there are still a great deal of questions and concerns that will pop up before and during your pregnancy. When you’re a surrogate, the best way to help them out is by anticipating those needs. Share your pregnancy experience, and share often.

Frequent updates — such as how you’re feeling, whether the baby is starting to move and more — are extremely reassuring to your intended parents. Phone calls and texts are easy for you to do, but they will mean more to your intended parents than you could ever know.

2. Involve them in your medical appointments and important moments.

If possible, don’t just tell your intended parents about your baby’s development — let them be an active part in it.

Many intended parents are thrilled when invited to a surrogate’s medical appointments. Keep them up to date on your scheduled ultrasounds and other important appointments. That way, they can make the decision to attend if it is in their power.

On the same note, make sure to inform your intended parents about some of the smallest medical changes. If you see a different doctor at one appointment, tell them. If your doctor anticipates changes in your delivery plans, make sure to let your intended parents know. Even something as small as a minor illness should be known by your intended parents, especially if you have to take a prescription to clear it up.

Trust us: The last thing you want is for your intended parents to hear about your medical situation secondhand.

3. Share special experiences with them.

While telling your intended parents about the day-to-day details is important, you can also try to include them in special ways!

Remember that your intended mother (if applicable) would give anything to experience pregnancy the way you are. So, find a way to replicate those experiences for her. Have your obstetrician record your sonograms or the baby’s heartbeat, and you can create a sweet DVD gift for your intended parents to cherish. Try to capture their baby moving on film or, better yet, arrange a date with the intended parents when you anticipate the baby being particularly “active.” Giving them the opportunity to feel their baby move will be a priceless gift.

4. Stay open to their suggestions and wants.

While it’s important that you talk about your experiences with the intended parents, it’s equally important that you listen to them throughout the surrogacy journey. Even though they are not the ones carrying their child, their preferences and desires should be respected at every step along the way.

In most surrogacies, what your intended parents expect of you will be discussed as part of your surrogacy contract. But, it’s not uncommon for intended parents to think of something new they want during the pregnancy. You should make all efforts to abide by those wishes.

For example, even though it may require extra time and effort from you, be enthusiastic about playing recordings of music and their voices to the baby in utero. Read stories to their baby, if they desire, and try to incorporate their pregnancy preferences into your everyday routine — as long as it is safe for you to do so.

Remember: While this is your pregnancy, this is not your baby. Your intended parents will appreciate you having as close a pregnancy to their own desires as possible.

5. Be organized with your financial needs.

Finally, one of the most helpful things you can do for your intended parents involves a more sensitive topic: financial issues.

Your intended parents are responsible for all of your medical expenses during your surrogacy, whether they have set up an escrow service or will reimburse you for your expenses as they occur. Either way, organization is key. Having all of your expenses itemized will prevent headaches for your intended parents.

For example, when it comes to your fertility medication, it’s a good idea to keep an inventory of all the medication you are on, how much is left, when you’ll need a refill, and how much it costs. Similarly, when you start attending medical appointments, keep all of your itemized receipts in a clearly marked folder, organized by date. Your intended parents will thank you — and it will be less likely that you’ll have to pay for certain expenses out-of-pocket.

Remember that your surrogacy specialist will be by your side to support you through the entire journey, and that includes mediating complicated conversations about finances and compensation. But, the more organized you are, the easier these conversations will be!

Want more tips on maintaining a positive relationship with your intended parents? Speak with our surrogacy specialists at 1-800-875-2229(BABY) today.

Dual Transfers: What to Know Before Considering This Path

As you consider your medical options for surrogacy, you may have heard one phrase pop up: “dual embryo transfer.”

If you’re an intended parent, the promise of a dual transfer may seem exciting. But, there are a few things to know before you decide to take this path.

Below, find out a bit more about this medical option. Remember, our surrogacy specialists are always available to answer your questions, as well.

Keep in mind: In this blog post, “dual transfer” and “double-embryo transfer” are two separate things. Read more about the latter here.

What is a Dual Transfer, and Why Do People Choose this Option?

A dual transfer occurs when both a gestational carrier and her intended mother undergo an embryo transfer at the same time. Usually, it’s a way for an intended mother to have one more chance at getting pregnant. It also sets up the possibility that both women will experience pregnancy together.

While there are no official statistics on dual transfers in gestational surrogacy, it’s reasonable to assume that this occurrence is fairly rare. After all, many intended mothers come to surrogacy after failed IVF attempts; that’s why they’ve chosen someone else to carry their child for them.

For the women with the means to do so, however, dual transfers are one final way they can try to become pregnant and carry their own child. This can be a complicated process, though, so it’s only one to be pursued after much discussion with surrogacy and medical professionals — not to mention a prospective surrogate.

What are the Pros and Cons of a Dual Transfer?

The decision to pursue a dual transfer should only be made after intended parents and their gestational carrier have talked at length about it. The worst thing you can do is surprise your gestational carrier on embryo transfer day when you get prepped for the procedure, too.

As you discuss the possibility of dual embryo transfer with your prospective surrogate, refer to these advantages and disadvantages:

Pros:

  • There is a higher chance of a successful pregnancy. Looking solely at numbers, having both a gestational carrier and an intended mother undergo an embryo transfer increases the chance that there will be a successful pregnancy. However, if a reproductive endocrinologist has determined that an intended mother is highly unlikely to become pregnant, a dual transfer may not increase the overall chances of pregnancy that much.
  • An intended mother gets another shot at carrying her own child. If an intended mother has unexplained fertility or a doctor has determined she may be able to get pregnant, a dual transfer gives her one more chance at becoming pregnant. In this way, she can pursue her own pregnancy dreams with the simultaneous “backup” that her gestational carrier may become pregnant instead.
  • There are fewer “leftover” embryos. One of the biggest questions for intended parents is what to do with their remaining embryos. It can be emotionally difficult to discard or donate them, but frozen storage is not a permanent solution. If an intended mother undergoes an embryo transfer, she may feel like she “used” all of her embryos, even if a pregnancy does not result.

Cons:

  • Dual transfers are emotionally complicated. If an intended mother is interested in a dual transfer, it’s usually because she has not properly grieved the loss of the pregnancy experience. In the best case scenario, she gets pregnant during her dual transfer — but what if she doesn’t? She may be devastated by another failed pregnancy, and her emotions will likely be compounded if her gestational carrier becomes pregnant. What should be a happy time will be a sad one — not a wonderful start to their partnership together.
  • Dual transfers will cost more. It seems obvious, but just because you are doing two transfers at the same time doesn’t mean you will get two-for-one pricing. And, with the average IVF cycle costing $12,000, an intended mother is looking at a huge increase to her overall surrogacy costs.
  • Many surrogates will not agree to a dual transfer. Intended mothers who are thinking about a dual transfer should be upfront with their surrogate about their desires — before even signing the legal contract. Ideally, your plans to do a dual transfer should be a part of your initial search for a surrogate. Many women will not be comfortable with the complexities and unknowns of carrying a pregnancy at the same time as their intended mother, so it may be harder for you to find a surrogate with whom to take this path.
  • Intended parents can get more than they bargain for. Those who consider dual transfers often don’t consider the possibility of both transfers being successful — but it can happen. Are you prepared to care for two babies if so? Or four, if you both receive a double-embryo transfer?

Choosing to move forward with a dual transfer is a highly personal decision — but it is one that must be approved by your reproductive endocrinologist and your surrogacy professional. To talk to one of our surrogacy specialists about our agency policies on this and other procedures, please call us at 1-800-875-2229(BABY) or contact us online.

“Snowflake” Embryo Adoption: A Warning to LGBT and Single Parents

It’s becoming more and more common for intended parents to use donated embryos as part of their gestational surrogacy. For many people, it makes sense: Embryo adoption is usually much cheaper than a fresh IVF cycle, and gestational surrogacy gives a degree of control over pregnancy that private domestic infant adoption cannot.

However, embryo adoption — increasingly called “snowflake adoption” — is not for everyone. In fact, if you’re a single or LGBT intended parent, embryo adoption could likely be much harder for you than it would be for a married, heterosexual couple.

Why? Keep reading below to learn more.

The Religious Overtones of Embryo Adoption

As more hopeful parents go through the in vitro fertilization process to become pregnant, there’s been an unanticipated result: a growing number of frozen embryos being stored indefinitely. For many intended parents, the idea of discarding embryos that they worked so hard to create is emotionally difficult. And, for a group of certain intended parents, discarding embryos would be akin to “killing” frozen children.

For many reasons, leftover embryos have been donated to organizations promising to give these “snowflake babies” a chance at life with someone else desperate to become a parent. In turn, the process is frequently called “embryo adoption” — invoking the same emotions as the adoption of a child already born.

As a New York Times piece reveals, embryo “snowflake” adoption is increasingly tied to organizations affiliated with anti-abortion rights or Christian organizations — many of which receive federal funding. Whether intentional or not, many of these organizations have closely affiliated themselves with the mindset of “pro-life” advocates. In their views, donated embryos are not just cells that can become a child; they already are a child.

An intended parent need only look at advertising materials from some of the biggest embryo adoption centers to see the evidence:

  • From the National Embryo Donation Center: When couples decide that their family is complete but still have embryos remaining… they can thaw them out and let them die… Embryo adoption allows the genetic parents to give their embryos a chance for life.
  • From Nightlight Christian Adoptions: Just as each snowflake is frozen, unique and a gift from heaven, so are each of our embryo adopted Snowflake Babies. We hope to help each donated embryo grow, develop and live a full life.

For these professionals, an embryo is more than just a collection of cells; they are children waiting to be born. This viewpoint overlooks the fact that, for many intended parents, a created embryo may or may not grow into a fetus for many reasons — quality of embryo, likelihood of implantation and more.

What This Means for LGBT and Single Parents

Putting aside the never-ending controversy of that position, what does this ethical viewpoint mean for intended parents wishing to use a donated embryo in their gestational surrogacy?

Here’s the quandary: Organizations that have this view of life at conception often have specific ideas of who should be a parent — specifically, that only heterosexual couples should pursue embryo adoption.

Both the National Embryo Donation Center and Nightlight Christian Adoptions have specific requirements for hopeful adoptive parents. In the case of NEDC, only a couple of a “genetic” male and female who are married can adopt, and embryos cannot be adopted to be used in a gestational surrogacy. Similarly, Nightlight’s initial application requires a mother and father to fill out their information, and the agency’s overarching requirements necessitate that an adoptive couple have a “spiritual home environment,” among other things.

Clearly, those who don’t fit the heteronormative expectations of these adoption agencies don’t have this option with those agencies — no matter how well-prepared they are to become parents.

If you’re a single intended parent or a member of an LGBT couple, embryo adoption may not be possible for your gestational surrogacy. That’s why it’s so important to seek out LGBT-friendly adoption agencies and donor centers. Unfortunately, there is still a great deal of prejudice out there for nontraditional families, and the steps it takes to bring your new addition home may be a bit more complicated than for a heterosexual married couple.

For a more comprehensive look at requirements of embryo adoption agencies, check out the Embryo Adoption Awareness Center’s list. It’s always a good idea to speak with a professional in person to determine whether you are eligible for their embryo adoption program.

Even if embryo adoption is not a possibility for your family, there are many other paths you can take to achieve your gestational surrogacy. To learn more about them, give our surrogacy specialists a call at 1-800-875-2229(BABY). Our agency happily works with all intended parents — regardless of marital status or sexual orientation — and we’d be honored to help you bring a child into your life.

5 Steps to Take Before Pursuing Surrogacy to Build Your Family

Considering surrogacy as a way to build your family is a gigantic decision. It’s not one to rush into overnight — but how do you know that surrogacy is really right for you?

Every intended parent’s journey to surrogacy will be different, but there are a few general steps that our surrogacy specialists recommend every hopeful parent take beforehand. In our experience, those who are best prepared for the surrogacy process have usually completed these steps:

Step 1: Explore all of your family-building options.

Surrogacy is a complicated process, and it’s not one that an intended parent jumps to right away. Those struggling with infertility have many other assisted reproduction methods before gestational surrogacy, and it’s likely that a reproductive endocrinologist will recommend some of the less invasive and cheaper options first. These could include IUI, IVF and more.

On the other hands, LGBT intended parents considering gestational surrogacy should also consider adoption. Both are very different processes, but they are viable options for those looking to add to their family.

In order to know what is best for your family, you must fully understand all of the options available to you. Fortunately, the specialists at American Surrogacy are well-experienced in both the gestational surrogacy and adoption processes. You can call them at 1-800-875-2229(BABY) to learn more about the pros and cons of each.

Step 2: Be honest with your partner.

As you explore your family-building options, you need to ask yourself hard questions — and be honest with your partner when it comes to how you’re feeling.

If you’ve struggled with infertility, it’s important that you have completed grieved your dreams of a pregnancy experience before starting gestational surrogacy. Intended parents who start the surrogacy process without doing so often have to face their complicated emotions later on — which can negatively impact their relationship with their gestational carrier.

If you’re not ready to move on from infertility treatments — or if you’re uncomfortable with the surrogacy process — you need to tell your spouse. Entering into such a complicated process without being fully committed is a bad idea, and it will come back to hurt you in the end. If you’re coping with infertility, you may feel like your time to have a biological child is slipping away, but you should never rush into the surrogacy process until you and your spouse are 100 percent emotionally ready.

Step 3: Do your research.

If you think gestational surrogacy may be right for your family, research is your next step. There are a lot of options in a surrogacy journey — genetic relationship, cost, location and more — and intended parents should have a general idea of what they want before getting started.

Speak with surrogacy professionals and your reproductive endocrinologist to determine what this process may look like for you. Check out information from sites such as Surrogate.com to learn more about every aspect of the process.

At the end of your research, you should be able to answer these questions with some confidence:

  • Do you want to pursue gestational or traditional surrogacy?
  • Do you want to work with a surrogacy agency or complete an independent surrogacy?
  • Do you have a carrier in mind, or do you still need to find one?
  • What kind of program can you afford?
  • What are you looking for in a surrogate?
  • What surrogacy options are available in your state? Do you need to go out-of-state for a safe and ethical surrogacy?

Step 4: Get your funding in place.

One of the biggest hurdles for intended parents is the cost of gestational surrogacy. It’s no secret: Surrogacy is expensive. But it’s for good reason — there are a lot of complicated moving parts that require expertise and professional assistance.

As you research your surrogacy options, research your estimated surrogacy costs, too. Being aware of your financial situation beforehand will come in handy when it comes to paying your surrogacy expenses later on. When you know how much you can expect to pay, you can start fundraising and exploring your other financing options.

Learn more about affording surrogacy here.

Step 5: Interview surrogacy professionals.

If you’ve decided that gestational surrogacy is right for your family, you only have one more step before you officially get started! Finding the right surrogacy professionals for your surrogacy goals is the final thing to do.

There are a lot of choices when it comes to surrogacy professionals. You can choose to complete an independent surrogacy with only a lawyer and a fertility clinic, or you can work with an experienced surrogacy agency every step of the way. Which you choose will be up to you. How much responsibility do you wish to take during your surrogacy process? How comfortable are you with the requirements of the process?

We encourage all intended parents — whether they’re considering an independent surrogacy or an agency-assisted surrogacy — to speak with a surrogacy agency such as American Surrogacy. That way, you can learn more about the services an agency can offer and what steps you would need to take without professional assistance. Only then can you can make the best choice for your family.

Get answers to all of your questions about surrogacy by contacting our specialists today. We are here to give you all the information you need, whatever decision you end up making for you and your spouse.

Will Being a Surrogate Affect Your Job?

If you’re thinking about being a gestational surrogate, you’ve probably thought about a lot: how your pregnancy will affect your body and mind, how your family will feel, whether you’re ready for the challenges ahead.

But, have you thought about how being a surrogate may affect your job?

Just like being pregnant with your own child, being pregnant with an intended parent’s child will require a great deal of time and energy from you. As you focus on a healthy pregnancy and strong relationship with your intended parents, you will also need to focus on your everyday family and career responsibilities. It’s easy to forget how much pregnancy can affect your career, but it’s an important thing to think about before starting down this path.

We encourage you to talk in depth with your surrogacy specialist about how surrogacy may impact your job. Remember, we’re always available to talk at 1-800-875-2229(BABY). In the meantime, keep reading to prepare yourself for how surrogacy may affect your career.

The Challenges of Surrogate Pregnancy

As you know, pregnancy takes a great deal of energy and effort. Keeping yourself healthy during nine months — while simultaneously managing your everyday responsibilities — can quickly take a toll on your body and mind.

How much your career will be affected will depend on a few things. First, how much physical and mental energy does your job take? If you are in a position that requires a great deal of physical movement, you will have to cut back on your responsibilities while pregnant. This, in turn, may affect your work performance. While there are legal protections for working while pregnant, you should still think hard about how your pregnancy may affect your current and future pay — and whether your family can afford that while you are pregnant.

At the same time, you may be required to take time off work for important appointments and meetings. For example, you may need to travel to the intended parents’ clinic for your embryo transfer. That may require you to take a few days off work. Do you have the time off you need, or can you afford to take a hit to your paycheck for those few days?

Breaking the News to Your Boss

As you prepare to take time off of work, you’ll eventually need to speak with your supervisor. Not only will you need to take time off for the embryo transfer process, but you’ll also need to take maternity leave for your delivery and postpartum recovery. While there shouldn’t be any difference in time off for a gestational pregnancy or a pregnancy of your own, you’ll still need to keep your boss in the loop as early as possible.

How much detail you share with your supervisor will be up to you. It’s a good idea to explain that you are carrying a gestational pregnancy to avoid misinformation spreading around the office. This is also a good time to mention that you will likely be taking a shorter maternity leave because you won’t have a child to look after.

Before you meet with your supervisor, you might want to review your company policies or talk to your human resources manager. That way, you will be as informed as possible about your maternity leave policy and know what to expect in your conversation.

What to Say to Coworkers

If you plan to work through your pregnancy, you’ll also need to think about your conversations with your coworkers. You won’t be able to keep your pregnancy a secret but, if you keep secret the fact that the baby is not yours, you may find yourself facing some uncomfortable situations — congratulations or even a work baby shower.

As always, how much you decide to share about your surrogacy journey will always be up to you. When explaining your decision to be a surrogate, you might take this opportunity to answer your coworkers’ questions — or you might simply give only the information they need. It is your decision. But, if you feel comfortable doing so, telling your coworkers about your surrogacy allows you to educate others and clear up some of the misconceptions that still exist.

Of course, you will likely need to keep your coworkers updated about your plans for time off and maternity leave. This way, you will ensure that your responsibilities are covered while you are gone.

Maternity Leave

While you will likely take less time to recover from a gestational pregnancy than a pregnancy of your own (because you won’t be caring for a newborn at home), you will still need to take some time off after delivery. Fortunately, the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) protects your ability to have 12 weeks of job-protected unpaid leave for the birth of a child.

However, before becoming a surrogate, think about how your maternity leave may affect your family’s financial situation. Can you afford to take up to 12 weeks of unpaid leave? Do you want to use your paid vacation for your recovery period? Will your surrogate base compensation provide enough to support your family during this time?

While it may not be something at the top of your mind when you first become a surrogate, your career should play a role in deciding whether this is the right time for this journey or not. If you’re not sure how your job will affect being a surrogate, or you want to learn more about the demands of surrogacy, don’t hesitate to contact our surrogacy specialists today at 1-800-875-2229(BABY).

New Report Highlights Risks of International Surrogacy for LGBT Parents

A new report from the Daily Beast reveals a change in U.S. immigration policy that impacts U.S. citizens whose children are born abroad — such as American intended parents who complete an international surrogacy.

A new policy within the U.S. State Department has changed the department’s interpretation of the Immigration and Nationality Act. The Act, which codifies eligibility for U.S. birthright citizenship, has previously been used by U.S. citizens to obtain citizenship for their children born abroad. But new developments reveal that LGBT intended parents whose children are born in another country face extra difficulties. Even if a child is genetically related to at least one U.S. citizen, if they are born through gestational surrogacy or another form of assisted reproductive technology, they are considered “born out of wedlock” — even if the parents are legally married.

Today, internationally born children who are “born out of wedlock” to LGBT intended parents face additional hurdles for birthright citizenship — and are subject to deportation or statelessness in the meantime.  While a lawsuit is currently in action against the State Department, LGBT families created in the meantime through international assisted reproduction are increasingly at risk.

The recent report only highlights what we at American Surrogacy have known for years — that international surrogacy for American intended parents is a dangerous path. Whether you are an LGBT intended parent who can be affected by the State Department’s new policies, or you’re a heterosexual intended parent considering international surrogacy, you should be familiar with the risks of this process.

In addition to the new risks stemming from the “out-of-wedlock” immigration policy, there are a few reasons that we advise intended parent to pursue domestic surrogacy instead of international surrogacy:

1. Undefined or Restrictive Surrogacy Laws

It’s true — there are no federal surrogacy laws in the United States. But, there are plenty of states with laws that are surrogacy-friendly for all types of intended parents. The same can’t be said about all other countries.

Many once-popular surrogacy destinations for American intended parents have closed down their borders for international surrogacy, and many other countries out there set strict limits on the process. In many countries, a surrogate cannot be paid for her surrogacy services or can only work with intended parents whom she is related to.

Still other countries have no defined surrogacy laws at all. While the low costs in these countries may be attractive to intended parents, surrogacy in these countries can be legally risky. There may be no set precedent for an intended parent’s rights, and you may have no clue about what unethical situations are occurring to a lack in surrogacy legislation.

Throw in the current situation with LGBT parents’ children not being automatically granted birthright citizenship, and you have a very complicated legal situation on your hands.

2. Ethical Complications with Gestational Carriers

Save for in a few states, every American gestational carrier has the right to receive compensation for her services. This ensures that she is properly appreciated for her decision and experiences no financial burden from her decision to carry for intended parents.

But international surrogates often don’t get the same protection. In fact, compensation frequently causes ethical problems in other countries. Many surrogates are financially forced into surrogacy because of the draw that compensation creates, and not all women are 100 percent aware of the challenges of gestational surrogacy before they begin.

While the lower costs of international surrogacy may be attractive to American intended parents, it should give them pause. Lower costs mean that the same level of services and protection are not being provided — and, with a surrogate being located halfway across the world, American intended parents will likely not have the same knowledge of her pregnancy’s course as they would with a surrogate closer to home.

3. Lower Medical Standards

On the same note, a gestational carrier in another country — especially if she is located rurally — may not have the same access to quality care as an American gestational carrier. She may not also be screened as thoroughly as a surrogate in the United States would be. Intended parents who pursue this kind of surrogacy put her and their baby at risk simply because they wish to save on their surrogacy expenses.

Many popular countries for international surrogacy do not have the same medical standards as the United States, and this can understandably be worrisome for intended parents. The distance and uncertainty involved in the medical process can be risky, especially for intended parents who may be using their last few viable embryos.

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Clearly, there have always been reasons why an international surrogacy is dangerous for American intended parents. The news regarding LGBT intended parents and international surrogacy is just one more.

American Surrogacy is dedicated to helping intended parents — regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity — safely bring home the child they’ve always dreamed about. To pursue a surrogacy in the United States, give our surrogacy specialists at call at 1-800-875-BABY(2229) or contact us online today.

Surrogacy Medication: Advice from a Former Surrogate

Every gestational surrogate’s medications and timeline will vary somewhat, depending on what a fertility clinic prescribes. Still, most women who are thinking about becoming surrogates want to know what that medical process is like — including side effects from medications, the types of medications they might have to take, and more.

Here, Chelsea, a former American Surrogacy surrogate, explains the surrogacy medications she took, some tricks she found helpful, and more:

Chelsea’s Medication Experience

The first medication that the clinics will generally put you on is birth control pills. Even people who have their tubes tied are required to use this. This helps the clinic manipulate your cycle to line up with your transfer date. They’re very precise and tell you when to begin the pills and when to discontinue them.

Next, I was on Lupron. The needle size didn’t faze me at all. It was an easy shot to take, and one or two equated to the feeling of a bee sting. I was on this for 26 days. The Lupron did give me some killer headaches. I wanted to stay in a dark room, and I was very sensitive to sounds. Drinking a lot of water helps.

After 12 days, I began taking estrogen, as well. I took estrogen in the form of Estrace pills (two pills, twice a day) and an estrogen patch called a Vivelle Dot. I switched this patch every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. They leave behind a lot of sticky residue that is impossible to clean off. I had sticky marks until I was done with my meds at 14 weeks. The estrogen caused a lot of discharge. I had even emailed the clinic about it at one point to make sure it was normal.

My clinic was stricter about monitoring so, on day 22, I was required to have my ultrasound and blood work done at the clinic. This was the only ultrasound and blood work I had during the cycle. They checked my ovaries to make sure they were “quiet” and checked my uterine lining. I was good to go at 8mm. Then, they checked my blood estrogen level.

I began taking progesterone five days before transfer. This lines up with the age of the embryo(s). The needle is quite large: 22-gauge. This is due to the fact that it’s an intramuscular injection. You really only feel that initial poke; the length of the needle isn’t felt. The size of the hole of the needle is because the medication is in oil (sesame, olive, ethyl oleate). I actually had to switch from sesame to ethyl oleate after weeks on the injections because you can develop a delayed allergic reaction, which was a large rash in my case.

Some tips for this medication:

  • Warm the vial in your bra, on a heating pad or in your hands prior to injection. The oil is thick, so warming it helps inject easier.
  • Rub the area after injection thoroughly. The oil needs to be dispersed. I was on 2cc of PIO (progesterone-in-oil) so it was quite a large amount to put into the muscle daily.
  • You will develop lumps so massage, massage, massage. (Yes, rub your butt!)

I used a cheap Walmart drawer container to store my medications. I’m very type A, and it helped organize things. I was constantly getting new shipments and refilling it. I also downloaded blank calendar pages to fill in what medications I took each day. I marked them off as I took them. It was taped to my bathroom mirror.

All of these medications need to be taken at the same time every day. So, if you have a job, plan to take them when you know you will be home!

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We’re so grateful to Chelsea for sharing her experiences and advice with future surrogates and for being such a great ambassador for American Surrogacy! If you’d like to talk to Chelsea about what it’s like to be a surrogate with American Surrogacy, contact us now at 1-800-875-BABY(2229).

A Letter to Hopeful Mothers on Mother’s Day

Dear Intended Mothers,

For many of you, today is a hard day. While many of your loved ones will be celebrating their Mother’s Day surrounded by children, you may be spending another Mother’s Day with only your dreams of motherhood. It’s an incredibly tough time. It’s hard to celebrate or look forward to something that has brought you so much pain in the past.

You may or may not have your own mother to celebrate with on this day. As comforting as her presence can be, it may not fill the hole in your heart. It’s still waiting for a little bundle of joy.

While you may not feel like it, today is about you, too. Hopeful mothers deserve just as much celebration as those who already have a child in their lives. Goodness knows you’ve put as much (or more) effort into getting pregnant as any other woman.

On this emotionally complicated day, however, it’s important to put yourself first. You’ve been through a lot to get to this point, and there is no requirement that you put on a brave face for your friends and family. Cry, if you need to. Treat yourself to something special. Get as far away from mothers and children as possible. Do what you need to do to keep yourself happy.

We know how tough this day can be for intended mothers. As you go through your Mother’s Day weekend, remember this:

  • You are still a mother if you didn’t give birth to your child.
  • You are still a mother if you have no biological relationship with your child.
  • You are a strong beautiful woman, and infertility can’t take that away from you.
  • You will be a wonderful mother, whether you have a child next year or years from now.
  • You are still a worthwhile person, even if you never end up having children.

Mother’s Day is a day fraught with emotions — good and bad. You don’t need to be happy about this day if you can’t find it in you. Remember: You are not alone. 1 in 8 American couples cope with infertility struggles. There are millions of other women across the country — and across the globe — who are feeling the same thing as you. If you can, take solace and strength from that knowledge.

American Surrogacy and our surrogacy specialists understand the complicated emotions that come with Mother’s Day. We are always here to answer any of your questions about surrogacy or to be a shoulder to lean on whenever you need us. Don’t hesitate to reach out online or call 1-800-875-2229(BABY) anytime.

Whatever your Mother’s Day brings you, know that you are special, you are loved, and we are here for you.

-The Team at American Surrogacy

How to Honor Your Intended Mother on Mother’s Day

6 Things Surrogates Can Do to Make Their Intended Mother Feel Appreciated

By helping your intended mother to become a mom through surrogacy in the first place, you’re already giving her the best gift possible. Want to make sure she feels included in the “mom club” with some extra gestures? That’s fine, too — go ahead and share the love! Just remember that what you’re already doing is incredible.

Here are six ways you can show your intended mother-to-be some additional Mother’s Day appreciation, if you’re so inclined:

1. Send a Card or a Text

Send her an almost-first Mother’s Day card or a text telling her why you picked her to be your intended mother and the reasons why you think she’s going to be a great mom. If this is her first child, she may be feeling nervous right now. Some encouragement from you can be great to hear.

2. Call Her

Having a long-distance surrogacy partnership can be tough, but a quick phone or video call to wish her a “Happy Mother’s Day” can let her know you’re thinking of her. Check in, catch up, ask how she’s feeling, and let her know what a great mom she’s going to be. This is extra fun if you currently have a baby bump that she can “say hello” to.

3. Get a Small Gift

If you’re the type of person who loves giving gifts, and if you (and your surrogate specialist) think it’s appropriate in your surrogacy relationship, go ahead! Some ideas:

  • A stuffed animal or blanket for the baby, which can also be used to help with emotional transfer
  • A framed photo of you and the intended parents, or a sonogram.
  • A meaningful piece of jewelry or keepsake.

4. Involve Her in Your Experiences

Nothing says motherhood like watching your child’s every move, right? Even if you’re in a long-distance surrogacy partnership, invite her to doctor’s appointments whenever she’s able to come, and send texts letting her know how you’re feeling and giving updates about the baby’s progress if you’re pregnant at this point.

5. Spend Some Time Together

If you’re both able to, invite her out to lunch, go out for a spa afternoon, or just have her over for a cup of tea and a chat. It can be nice to get to know each other outside of your “surrogate” and “intended parent” roles. She might appreciate some of the conversation and focus being shifted away from you and onto her for a bit. Treat her like a new friend, and you might find that you have one!

6. Keep Doing What You’re Doing!

If you’d like to do something special for your intended mother, that’s wonderful. However, what you’re doing for her right now is already the most amazing thing you could do for anyone.

You are making an entire lifetime of future Mother’s Days possible for her. Let that sink in, and take a moment to be proud of yourself for that. She’s certainly aware of it.

Continuing to take care of yourself and her baby (if you’re already pregnant) will be a great gift to her.

Not sure how to address Mother’s Day as a gestational surrogate? You can always ask your American Surrogacy specialist for advice by calling 1-800-875-BABY(2229).