Helpful Tips for Managing a Relationship with Intended Parents

For most surrogates, the relationship with intended parents is a source of mutual support and positivity. You are each other’s partners in this exciting event! But sometimes, like in all relationships, there are some difficulties to navigate.

Here are a few scenarios you might have encountered with even the best intended parents, and how you can have a stronger relationship with your intended parents:

How to Handle Well-Meaning But Overbearing Parents

Most intended parents have waited for years to have a child, potentially struggling with infertility, miscarriages and disappointments. When so much of the surrogacy process is out of their control, some parents try to control anything that they can in an effort to feel less helpless. This may mean that they overstep personal boundaries, pepper you with lots of questions and concerns, or even try to micromanage how you care for your pregnancy.

Feeling like your intended parents are overreaching or smothering you can be frustrating. But, consider why they might be responding to the emotions of surrogacy this way, and try to stay patient. There are lots of reasons why your intended parents might be a little overbearing:

  • They may have never experienced pregnancy before.
  • They want their baby to be as healthy and safe as possible.
  • They may feel indebted to you and want to make sure that you’re well.
  • Their excitement for their baby is showing itself as nervous energy.

But “helicopter” parents can still be distracting and demanding for you. Try to set clear boundaries, and let them know that you have everything well in hand. Set a schedule for when you’ll update them and stick to that schedule. Showing them that you’re consistent may help them relax and put more trust in you.

Still feel like the parents are putting too much pressure on you? Reach out to your surrogacy specialist for advice. They can always talk to your intended parents about respecting your space and decisions.

How to Handle Distant Parents

There are a number of ways you can feel distant from your intended parents during your surrogacy journey:

  • They’re not communicating consistently with you and you’re feeling left adrift.
  • You’re struggling with physical distance in a long-distance surrogacy match.
  • You’re feeling disconnected from your intended parents because they don’t seem as excited as you.

Sometimes intended parents’ hopes for a child have been crushed before through miscarriages or failed IVF, so they may keep you at arm’s length to emotionally distance themselves in case embryo transfers don’t work, there’s a pregnancy complication, or something else unexpected happens. They may be afraid to hope for the best, so they come across as distant or unengaged.

Being clear and honest about your needs in the surrogacy partnership can help. It can also help to keep checking in with pregnancy updates and expressing your excitement for them. They may relax and feel more engaged as your pregnancy progresses. If you and your intended parents live far apart, try video chatting. Asking about the nursery they’re preparing or telling them about their baby’s movements can help you feel connected, even if you’re far apart.

5 Things That Can Help

In many ways, you’re the expert here! Your intended parents have likely never given birth themselves. You’re the one who understands your pregnancies and knows what to expect. You’re the main player from the moment you become pregnant until the time you deliver their baby.

This means that you’re also the one who will be best at easing the minds of your intended parents. If you think your intended parents are feeling anxious and it’s affecting your relationship with them, these tips can help them (and you) to stay sane throughout your pregnancy:

  1. Be honest with them about what you need. Do you need them to give you some space, or do you need a little more feedback from them? Do you have any concerns or need them to be more supportive of you? Let them know!
  2. Set a consistent schedule for pregnancy updates. Your surrogacy specialist can help you with this. Decide how you want to communicate updates to the parents, and then let them know when they can expect to hear from you. This can give them something to look forward to and prevent them from asking you for constant updates.
  3. Offer to share some of the little things. They might find some comfort in hearing about your pregnancy experience. When does their baby kick the most? What kind of foods does he or she seem to react to? How are you feeling? Many intended parents are interested in getting to know their child, even during pregnancy, so offer to share details.
  4. Keep your promises. If you told the parents that you’d send them an ultrasound on a certain day, be sure to follow through. Staying consistent with what you promise can help them feel more at ease, so they might put less pressure on you. Don’t break their trust with small things like forgetting to send them a scheduled update.
  5. Be gentle but firm about your boundaries. Remember that intended parents don’t have much control at this stage, and remember how that might feel. That being said, it’s OK to be clear and firm about things you feel strongly about. Feel like the parents are overstepping themselves, or like they’re not hearing your wishes? You are all equal partners in this surrogacy journey, so let them know what you’re uncomfortable with and what’s important to you.

Don’t forget that your surrogacy specialist is a great resource for advice. A big part of their job is to help manage the relationships between surrogates and intended parents, so let them know if you need some help.

For more details on how your specialist can help you manage your surrogacy relationship, please call 1-800-875-BABY(2229).

Q&A with Surrogacy Director Angie: What She Wants You To Know

At American Surrogacy, we treasure the connections our staff builds with our clients. Perhaps no staff member works harder than Angie Newkirk, the director of our surrogacy program.

To help intended parents and prospective surrogates interested in this family-building process, Angie sat down to answer some questions about surrogacy, our program and more.

Q: What is one thing that people always get wrong about surrogacy?

A: I think the biggest thing people get wrong about surrogacy is that it is the surrogate’s child. I know I used to make that mistake all of the time before I educated myself.

All the time I hear from people “Isn’t it so hard for her to give the child away?” But, the surrogate is not related to the child at all and this makes it easier for her to place the child in his or her parents’ arms.

A surrogate has no intention of keeping another person’s child for her own. She already has her own children who she loves very much. Surrogates love being pregnant, but most of them have completed their family so they would love the opportunity to help someone else. I hear all of the time when the surrogate is at the hospital how happy she is that she can focus on healing and does not have to care for the newborn!

Q: What would you want prospective surrogates to know before starting?

A:  Oh my gosh — so much!  I want them to know that this is a different way of getting pregnant so there is a lot of work that goes into it and there is a reason why compensation is involved. There are shots and appointments and blood draws. Surrogacy is truly for women who want to help someone build their family, have a giving heart and really enjoyed being pregnant.

Q: What about hopeful intended parents?

A:  This is a marathon, not a sprint. This is a lengthy process that takes time. It takes time to create embryos, to find a surrogate you connect with, to medically screen her, legal contracts, and more.

Q: What are the most common questions you get from those interested in surrogacy?

A:  What are the costs? Why is it so expensive? Is it hard for surrogates to give up that baby?

What do I need to do to get started? I know someone who wants to be our surrogate.

Fortunately, there are articles all over our website that address these questions, and I’m always happy to answer any other questions that you may have!

Q: What has been your most memorable moment with American Surrogacy?

A:  There have been so many of them; it is hard to pick one.

I can think about all the firsts, such as the first surrogate I met in-person at her home, the first time I matched potential clients, and my first ethics conference to learn about this wonderful field of assisted reproduction.

But I would say my most memorable would be my first local match where the family had lost a baby at 20 weeks the year prior. The surrogate and the intended parents shared the cost of a professional photographer and captured the most beautiful, raw picture of the intended mother seeing her healthy baby delivered. The look on her face helped me to truly understand what I do and how this option of building families is just as amazing as adoption or any other method.

Q: What would you want people to know about American Surrogacy?

A:  The American Surrogacy family has been around for a long time! Our history of family planning comes from adoption, and our enthusiasm evolved through time to an overall family-building passion. We have learned there are many different ways to build a family, and we want to be able to use our years of knowledge to figure out the best route for our clients.

Q: Why should people consider surrogacy as a family-building path?

A:  Surrogacy is not for everyone. It can be a long process and an expensive one due to the medical costs. But, there are a few reasons people choose it over adoption. Actually, with my history in adoption, it’s been interesting to compare the two.

Surrogacy allows for more control with the intended parents. They control who carries their baby, they are able to outline any “do”s and “don’t”s during pregnancy that they feel passionate about, and they are able to be there for the entire pregnancy and birth. In most states, the baby is theirs from the moment he or she is born so there are not a lot of legal complications afterwards. They are able to leave the hospital and go straight home.

For more information about surrogacy or to take with director Angie directly, you can call 1-800-875-BABY(2229) or contact our agency online.

Choosing Between Egg Donation and Surrogacy: What’s Right for You?

Are you considering using an egg donor or a surrogate to help you become a parent? It’s a complicated decision to make, which is why it’s so important that every intended parent in this situation fully understand both of their options before moving forward. Only then can you choose the path that is truly the best one for your family.

This article will help you better understand the differences between egg donation and surrogacy, and what situations might call for working with one or the other (or both). You can always contact our surrogacy specialists for more information about what the gestational surrogacy process will look like for you.

What is Egg Donation?

Egg donors are carefully screened women who are willing to share information about themselves with intended parents — and eventually share genetic material, as well. Egg donors are healthy, often educated and have no family history of genetic conditions. Some intended parents like to choose an egg donor who has particular personality traits or physical characteristics that they wish to see in a child.

An egg donor would provide half of a child’s genetics, so most intended parents choose their egg donor carefully through a trusted fertility clinic or donor agency. Sometimes intended parents choose someone that they know to be their egg donor, like a friend or family member.

Viable eggs are surgically collected from a donor. Then, they can be fertilized in a lab through in vitro fertilization (IVF) using sperm from either a donor or an intended father. Next, the resulting embryo is transferred to the uterus of either a surrogate or an intended mother to carry.

Who Might Consider Using an Egg Donor?

There are several people who might choose to build their family through an egg donation:

  • A woman who is unable to produce viable eggs but who has sperm from an intended father or a donor, and is physically able to carry the pregnancy to term herself.
  • A same-sex male couple who is working with a gestational surrogate to carry their baby.
  • A single man who is working with a gestational surrogate to carry his baby.

In many situations, an egg donor is used in tandem with a surrogate. Typically, the only situation in which someone would exclusively use an egg donor and not a surrogate is when the intended mother’s eggs are not viable, but she is able to carry a baby safely to term.

In those instances, an embryo would be created in a lab through IVF using the donor egg and sperm from either the intended father or from a donor, and then the embryo would be transferred to the intended mother’s uterus.

In most situations, however, the created embryo is transferred to a gestational surrogate.

What is Surrogacy?

Surrogates are carefully screened women who are able to carry a pregnancy to term and safely give birth. Intended parents partner with surrogates they trust through surrogacy agencies, or with a woman they already know who has offered to carry the child. Intended parents and surrogates communicate directly and typically form a relationship throughout the process.

In gestational surrogacy, the surrogate’s eggs are not used, so she would not be related to the child she carries for the intended parents.

Instead, an embryo is transferred to the uterus of a gestational surrogate for her to carry to term. That embryo can be created in a lab through IVF using donated eggs and/or sperm, egg and/or sperm from intended parents, or a combination of a donor and an intended parent.

Who Might Consider Using a Surrogate?

Anyone who is unable to safely carry or deliver a child themselves for any reason will likely use a surrogate. However, the people who most commonly work with a surrogate include:

  • A woman who is unable to carry a pregnancy herself but has viable eggs to use.
  • A same-sex male couple who are using a donor egg.
  • A single man who is using a donor egg.

Often, egg and/or sperm donors are used in tandem with a surrogate. Heterosexual couples who have viable eggs and sperm will usually not need to work with an egg or sperm donor and will only work with a surrogate.

Most Intended Parents Will Work with Both

In most situations, donors (for sperm, an egg or both) and surrogates are both needed to help the intended parent(s) have a child. However, there are a couple situations in which you could choose to work with only an egg donor or only a surrogate:

  • If you’re a heterosexual couple with viable eggs and sperm, then you likely won’t need to use a donor.
  • If you’re a woman who is able to safely and successfully carry a pregnancy to term, then you likely won’t need to use a surrogate.

In almost every other situation, you’ll need to work with a donor (either for an egg or sperm) as well as a surrogate.

Need help finding the right egg and/or sperm donors? We can refer you to trusted fertility clinics to help you find the right donor.

Need help finding the right surrogate? We can help you match with surrogates who fit what you’re looking for.

Want to learn more about surrogacy in general? Contact us online or call 1-800-875-2229 to learn more about our services and how we can help you on your journey to parenthood.

Do Surrogacy Agencies Work with Single Parents?

Most surrogacy agencies today are happy to work with single parents, and American Surrogacy is one of those agencies. We work with single men and women, as well as married couples — both heterosexual and same-sex. If your dream is to become a parent, we can help get there, regardless of your marital status.

Here’s a basic overview of how single parent surrogacy works, and what you can expect during the process:

Completing the Screening Process

When working with a surrogacy agency that accepts single mothers and fathers, like American Surrogacy, the screening process for individuals is the same as it is for couples. Here’s a glimpse of what that process is like:

  • You’ll be required to undergo a series of background checks.
  • You’ll complete a home assessment with a social worker to ensure that your house is safe for a baby.
  • You’ll submit financial documentation, health records and more to verify that you’re financially, physically and emotionally prepared to meet the demands of a baby.
  • And more

All intended parents, including single parents, are carefully screened so that we know you’ll be able to provide a safe, stable and loving environment for a child. Likewise, surrogates are thoroughly screened to make sure that they’re physically and emotionally ready for the surrogacy process, as well.

Matching with a Surrogate

After you’ve been approved to work with a surrogacy agency that accepts single mothers and fathers by completing the screening process, you’ll begin the process of finding the right surrogate. With American Surrogacy, that process looks like this:

  • You’ll complete a Surrogacy Planning Questionnaire (SPQ) that helps us understand what you’re looking for in a gestational carrier.
  • We’ll help you create an intended parent profile, which our surrogates can view.
  • You’ll also view profiles of our surrogates who we think best match what you’re looking for.
  • Once you’ve been matched with your surrogate, we’ll guide you both throughout the entire process and help you get to know one another.

We’ll help you connect with a surrogate who is excited to help you complete your family as a single parent.

Creating an Embryo

As a single intended parent, you will find this step is a little different than it is for many heterosexual couples or same-sex couples.

While most heterosexual couples pursuing surrogacy will create an embryo in a lab using in vitro fertilization (IVF) with their own egg and sperm, donated eggs or sperm are usually required to create an embryo when you’re completing the single parent surrogacy process.

Single men will typically use a donated egg, which will be fertilized with their own sperm. Single women will usually use their own egg, which will be fertilized with donor sperm.

Using an egg or sperm donor is one of the few extra steps that single parents and same-sex couples will usually need to complete when pursuing surrogacy.  In almost every other way, the process remains the same for all intended parents.

What You Should Know About Single Parent Surrogacy

There are a few key differences in completing the surrogacy process as a single parent, and we always want to talk through the challenges and benefits of being a single parent before you undertake the surrogacy process.

Children who are raised by single parents are just as loved as those in two-parent homes. However, having a child via surrogacy as a single intended parent includes some challenges and benefits that you should consider, such as:

  • You will have the ability to have a biological child, regardless of whether or not you’re in a relationship.
  • Single parent surrogacy may be easier than adoption, as many birth mothers prefer a two-parent home for their baby.
  • Raising a child as a single parent is increasingly common, and the stigmas surrounding single parenthood are decreasing.
  • The financial costs of surrogacy and raising your child on one salary are often difficult to manage.
  • The time and physical, mental and emotional energy you’ll need to nurture a child on your own is intense, and you’ll need a highly committed support system of friends or family.

Solo parenthood is not for the faint of heart, but many people are successful parents on their own. While the surrogacy process for single men and women is the same as it is for married couples, raising a child will be a different experience for individuals than for people with a partner. Ultimately, you’re the only one who can decide if single parent surrogacy is right for you.

We can help you become a parent as a single man or woman if you do decide that pursuing surrogacy as a single parent is how you want to have a family. Contact us online or call us at 1-800-875-2229 to learn more about how to become a parent on your own through surrogacy, or to begin your surrogacy process now.

Can You Get Pregnant with Your Own Child as a Surrogate?

Before becoming a surrogate, you likely have a lot of questions. In your research, you have probably come across a fair number of dramatic, sensationalized stories from former surrogates. They may even make you nervous about moving forward with this process.

One such story that gained traction last year was that of Jessica Allen, a California surrogate who became pregnant with twins — only to find out that one of the children was her biological son. Critics of surrogacy took this story as an opportunity to emphasize the dangers of surrogacy, and the fact that Allen had to “fight for her own son.”

Understandably, this story may worry you. The good news? A situation like this is extremely rare and can easily be avoided by following proper protocols.

When you become a surrogate, you will be required to go through screening and assessments to ensure you are physically and emotionally capable of the journey ahead. During these screenings, your surrogacy professional will describe in detail the medical process of surrogacy — and exactly how it will work to eliminate complications like this from happening.

But, how exactly do you make sure you don’t get pregnant with your own child along the way? The precautions to take are pretty simple:

1. You will be on a strict fertility medication schedule prior to embryo transfer.

Before you can even be approved for an embryo transfer, you will need to prepare your body for the process. You will work with your intended parents’ fertility clinic to create a medication schedule that regulates your cycle and maximizes your chances for a successful embryo transfer. Your medication will likely include the birth control pill, which will stop your ovulation and prevent pregnancy in the period before your embryo transfer process.

2. You will be required to refrain from sexual intercourse leading up to and after the pregnancy is confirmed.

This is perhaps the biggest prevention of an unplanned pregnancy during the surrogacy process — and the step that Allen and her husband likely disregarded.

After you complete your medical routine, your body will be hyper-fertile and ready to receive a transferred embryo. This will mean your body is also more likely to conceive if you engage in sexual intercourse. For this reason, surrogacy professionals will require that you refrain from sex for a certain amount of time. This will be outlined in your surrogacy contract, as well. Breaking this agreement, as Allen presumably did, could lead to extreme legal consequences.

If you do as requested and refrain from sex, there is no way that you will get pregnant with your own biological child during the surrogacy process. Therefore, it’s important that your spouse is on the same page with you about the requirements of surrogacy (including this) before starting the journey. Your choice to be a surrogate will impact him, as well as the rest of your immediate family. It truly is a family journey that you take together.

3. Your medical professional will support you every step of the way.

When you become a surrogate, there will be several professionals acting to protect your rights and interests every step of the way. In addition to your surrogacy specialist and your surrogacy attorney, your medical professional will provide the physical and medical support you need during this journey.

Your medical protocol will always be tailored to you, and your medical professional will make sure you are comfortable. They will be there to answer your questions and ensure everything goes as planned — including your pregnancy. If there is any sign that an embryo transfer or a potential pregnancy may be compromised, you will have the support you need.

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So, when you read the dramatic “horror stories” about surrogacy, be reassured that these are very rare cases indeed — and, as long as you follow your professionals’ instructions, your surrogacy journey will be very likely to succeed. You need not worry about becoming pregnant with your own child during the surrogacy process; the child that you give birth to will be the intended parents’, and you will have no responsibility to take custody of another child upon delivery.

To learn more about the medical process of surrogacy, you can always contact our surrogacy specialists at 1-800-875-BABY(2229).

Managing the Grief of Infertility: Tips for Intended Parents

An estimated 1 in 8 couples will be diagnosed with infertility. So, if you’re grieving after your diagnosis, you’re not alone.

Grief is the most common reaction to infertility. Some people grieve their original dream of having biological children, or they grieve their body’s inability to become pregnant or carry a child. Others may also be grieving pregnancy loss. There is often the feeling of loss of control and identity when a person is diagnosed with infertility, and the grieving process is an essential part of rediscovering yourself after infertility.

Wherever you are in your current family-building journey, here a few things to keep in mind and to help you through the infertility grieving process:

Everyone Grieves Differently

If you’re dealing with infertility alongside a partner, it can be difficult if they grieve differently than you do, or if they process their feelings at a different pace. Your friends and family may also grieve for you in their own way.

Be patient with them and with yourself.

It can be frustrating or lonely when everyone is hurting, but try to stay compassionate with one another. Continue to communicate how you’re feeling and what you need from others.

Responses to infertility can manifest in different ways for different people, including:

  • Anger or blame
  • Feelings of guilt or shame
  • Sadness or depression
  • Numbness or emotional detachment
  • Disbelief or denial through seeking help from many different health professionals
  • Hyper-focusing on your infertility and having an inability to concentrate on anything else
  • Trying to ignore your infertility by focusing on everything else

After learning of their infertility, one partner may tend to bury themselves in their infertility diagnosis, while the other may avoid it as much as possible. Grieving differently can make a painful time even harder, but try to continue to support one another as you deal with your emotions on your own terms.

Ways to Help Heal from Infertility Grief

Not sure how to start making peace with what you’re feeling? Here are a few methods that can help you begin processing your infertility grief:

  • Create a representative space to honor lost pregnancies or lost dreams of having a child in the way you’d initially hoped for. This could be a space on a shelf where you put items you purchased for a child, or a garden that you plant and care for.
  • Write about your thoughts and feelings. Putting pen to paper through journaling or through letters to a lost child or a future baby can help you look at your emotional progress and see hope for a different path to parenthood someday.
  • Use creative outlets or hobbies to keep from falling into depression or hyper-focusing on your diagnosis. Keep hiking, running, making jewelry or whatever you like to do to help get back to feeling like yourself.
  • Talk to others. Join a local infertility support group, talk to your partner, friends or family members that you feel will listen the best. Consider talking to an infertility counselor.
  • Plan for things you can look forward to, such as concerts, taking a trip, visiting friends, or taking classes of something you’ve always been interested in, whether that’s cooking or boxing. This can help if you’ve felt like you’re not in control lately, and it also gives you a few fun things in the future to look forward to.

There’s no right or wrong way to tackle your infertility grief. As long as you’re acknowledging that grief and giving yourself the time you need to begin feeling at peace, then you’re doing great.

Move Forward When You’re Ready

Moving forward means that you may need to let go of painful things that can hold you back from living a full and happy life. That may be letting go of your dreams of having a child who is biologically related to you or carrying a pregnancy yourself, or letting go of miscarriages or children you’ve lost. This doesn’t mean that you’ll forget what you’ve experienced, but it does mean that you’re ready to take the next step in your life. Moving forward is a necessary step after the grieving process, and it looks different for everyone.

When you feel like you’re ready to move forward after experiencing infertility grief, there are different paths your life can take:

There is no right or wrong way to move on from infertility. There’s also no timeline for reaching the point where you feel ready to move forward. People reach that point at their own pace, so be patient with yourself and with loved ones. This is a process that’s personal and unique to everyone.

Some important things to remember:

  • You’re not alone — many people come to terms with infertility and understand what it’s like to grieve.
  • You’ll be happy again, and you’ll find a new path for your life and you can be a parent if you want to, even if it’s not in the way you’d originally planned.
  • Be kind with yourself and others, and don’t be afraid to seek infertility grief counseling if you need to.

Infertility grief is difficult but it is manageable with some work, and you will heal. Until then, take care of yourself. When you are ready to start discussing your family-building options, know that American Surrogacy is here to help.

IVF Refunds and Packages: How Does It Apply to Surrogacy?

If you’ve considered working with an IVF clinic to use in vitro fertilization (IVF) to become a parent — whether by carrying a child yourself or by using a gestational surrogate — you may have heard about IVF refund programs and IVF packages. IVF can be expensive; there’s no doubt about that. But can these programs really help you save money?

It’s always a good idea to speak at length with your fertility clinic and your surrogacy professional before deciding whether or not to utilize these programs in your surrogacy journey. Medical circumstances vary significantly in each person’s case, and what is right for one may not be right for another. Only your personal professionals can help you decide what is best for your family.

In the meantime, here’s what you need to know about IVF clinic refund and package programs, and whether or not they can help you become a parent without spending more money than you should:

What is an IVF Refund Program?

With an IVF refund program or shared-risk program, you would pay an additional (usually flat-rate) fee that pledges to return some of your costs if you (or your gestational surrogate) are unable to get pregnant in a set number of IVF rounds. These are often paired with IVF packages.

Not everyone may qualify for IVF refund programs. If you have factors that may increase your likelihood of failing to get pregnant, many IVF clinics don’t want to take on that financial risk. Qualifying clients usually have to be under a certain age, have little to no previously failed IVF cycles and a low BMI. These qualifications will vary from one IVF clinic to another.

What is an IVF Package?

IVF clinics often offer deals on purchasing packages or bundles of IVF rounds. You would purchase a certain number of IVF rounds, and the cost of each of those rounds would be lower than if you were to buy them individually rather than in a package deal.

You might need all of those rounds of IVF to achieve a successful pregnancy. You might need more than the rounds you buy in that package. Or you (or your surrogate) might only need one round to get pregnant. However, you would not be refunded for any unused rounds of IVF purchased in a package deal.

What are the Benefits of IVF Refund and Package Programs?

If you or your surrogate fail to get pregnant in that set number of IVF rounds, an IVF refund package could return some (but not all) of those costs to you so that you could pursue other family-building options with that money, such as adoption.

The benefit of purchasing IVF packages is that each round of IVF in the package is at a lower rate than if you were to buy each round individually without the package deal.

So, you would be spending more money up front — but there’s a chance that you’d save money if you have a hard time conceiving through IVF and need a lot of rounds, or if you are unable to conceive through IVF at all.

What’s the Potential Catch?

IVF clinics may weigh the probabilities of you or your surrogate getting pregnant before beginning your medical treatment. If they think you’re more likely to get pregnant quickly through IVF, they’ll offer you packages and refund programs. This way, if they’re right and you do become pregnant relatively quickly, they’ll be able to keep any extra money you spent on unused rounds of IVF. If they think you’re less likely to get pregnant, you won’t qualify for those programs, because they don’t want to risk the chance of having to refund your money.

Some people wind up spending thousands more to get pregnant through IVF than if they had purchased individual rounds of IVF, even if the individual rounds were higher cost per round.

This often means that those people aren’t left with enough in their budget for surrogacy or adoption, and IVF is no longer an option for them, either.

Is It Still Worth It?

There is a chance that you’ll come out of purchasing an IVF refund or package program having saved some money. That depends on whether or not you needed the additional rounds of IVF to successfully have a baby.

If you or your surrogate ends up getting pregnant surprisingly quickly, you might have spent a lot more money than you needed to, even if you were spending more money on individual rounds of IVF. The clinic will keep any additional money you spent on the unused rounds of IVF in the IVF package you purchased. There’s no real way to tell how fast you might get pregnant when you start IVF, if at all.

So, if you do fail to get pregnant through IVF, paying that extra money for the refund program could be beneficial, as you could use that money towards adoption or surrogacy fees. Then again, if you paid more for a refund program and you wind up getting pregnant, you will have lost that money.

Essentially, it depends on you how want to gamble on potential success or failure of IVF. With IVF, there is simply the possibility of not getting pregnant.

Infertility is unfair and frustrating, to say the very least. But remember — you are not alone and even if it doesn’t seem like it now, there are always paths to parenthood. To learn more about the surrogacy options available to you (including using a gestational surrogate to ensure the best chances of IVF success), you can always contact American Surrogacy at 1-800-875-BABY(2229).

Understanding Surrogacy Controversy: What’s the Big Deal?

Type the words “surrogacy controversy” into your web browser, and you’ll be inundated with sensationalized headlines about surrogacy scandals, scholarly articles detailing the social ramifications of this family-building process, and fierce arguments for and against surrogacy.

If you are considering surrogacy yourself, either as a hopeful parent or a prospective surrogate, this surrogacy debate can be alarming. You might be wondering, “Is surrogacy morally or socially wrong? What are the issues with surrogacy that I need to be aware of? Is it even possible to practice surrogacy ethically?”

At American Surrogacy, we are committed to completing every surrogacy to the highest ethical standards. When completed correctly, we believe that surrogacy can be an overwhelmingly positive experience that benefits everyone involved — the surrogate, intended parents and, most importantly, the child.

However, we also recognize that nothing is perfect, and there are some surrogacy issues worth considering. Here, we’re examining some of the common arguments for and against surrogacy so you can better understand this hotly debated topic.

Why is Surrogacy Controversial?

To understand the potential benefits and issues of surrogacy, it’s first important to have a basic understanding of the different types of surrogacy and the way this process actually works today.

There are two basic types of surrogacy:

  • Gestational surrogacy: The most common type of surrogacy today, in which the surrogate has no genetic relationship to the baby she carries.
  • Traditional surrogacy: A very rare form of surrogacy today, in which the surrogate’s own egg is fertilized using sperm from an intended father or donor via IVF or intrauterine insemination in the lab.

Surrogacy can also be categorized by the financial arrangements made between the intended parents and surrogate:

  • Compensated surrogacy: Surrogacy in which the surrogate is compensated for her time, energy, sacrifice and participation in the surrogacy process.
  • Altruistic surrogacy: Surrogacy in which the surrogate is not paid a base compensation beyond reimbursement of her medical and legal expenses.

Finally, surrogacy can further be categorized by where it takes place:

  • Domestic surrogacy: Surrogacy in which the intended parents work with a surrogate living within their own country. Because American Surrogacy is a U.S. surrogacy program, we define domestic surrogacy as a surrogacy completed within the United States.
  • International surrogacy: Surrogacy in which intended parents work with a surrogate living in a different country. Because the U.S. surrogacy process is well-regulated, foreign intended parents can complete an international surrogacy in the United States safely, ethically and legally. However, there are many ethical issues with surrogacy in some other parts of the world, especially in developing countries — and this is where much of the surrogacy controversy stems from.

So, why is there so much controversy surrounding surrogacy? Often, it’s because of misinformation. In fact, many anti-surrogacy arguments revolve around misconceptions about the modern-day gestational surrogacy process. Many people don’t know that today, the vast majority of surrogacies are gestational, not traditional. They may not understand why surrogates receive compensation or how that compensation is regulated. And they may assume that because of certain ethical dilemmas in international surrogacy, the same applies to surrogacy completed in the United States.

What are the Arguments Against Surrogacy?

There is no shortage of people ready to point out reasons why surrogacy is “bad” or “wrong.” However, when examining the arguments against surrogacy, it’s important to keep in mind the various types of surrogacy; not all of these arguments will apply to every type of surrogacy completed today.

  • Surrogacy commodifies the human body. A common anti-surrogacy argument is that the practice (particularly of commercial surrogacy and particularly in developing countries) commodifies babies and women’s bodies. Some have even gone so far as comparing surrogacy to prostitution, arguing that in both cases, women “sell” intimate, physical services.

  • Surrogacy exploits women. Critics of surrogacy argue that intended parents who “use” surrogates are interested only in their reproductive ability; they see this practice as “womb-renting,” especially when the woman carrying the pregnancy is in a financially disadvantageous position to the intended parents. This is especially true in international surrogacy, where women may be particularly vulnerable and surrogate compensation can be especially life-altering.
  • Surrogacy is risky. There are, of course, inherent risks involved in any pregnancy, and surrogacy critics sometimes point to these medical risks as a reason to be against surrogacy. They also argue that children born through assisted reproduction may be at greater risk for certain health conditions (though there is no evidence that this is true). Additionally, those against surrogacy may argue that the process is legally, emotionally and financially risky, citing highly publicized and sensationalized cases (like the “Baby M” case or the “Baby Gammy” case) as evidence — even though these cases are not at all representative of most surrogacies completed today.

  • Surrogacy goes against religion. Finally, some object to surrogacy on religious grounds. Many religions emphasize the importance of a husband and wife conceiving naturally on their own, and assisted reproduction is sometimes viewed as going against these religious beliefs.

What are Some Arguments for Surrogacy?

At the same time, just as many people will argue for reasons why surrogacy is good — not just for hopeful parents who desperately want to have a baby but also for the generous surrogates who help them to reach this goal. Advocates for surrogacy will tell you:

  • Surrogacy is mutually beneficial for the parties involved. For intended parents, surrogacy offers the chance to finally have the child they’ve always dreamed of. Surrogacy gives LGBT parents and couples struggling with infertility an opportunity for parenthood they may not have otherwise. Surrogacy also offers many benefits for surrogates, financially and emotionally.

  • Surrogates are compensated fairly for their services. Some argue that surrogate compensation commodifies human life, but it’s important to understand the reality of a surrogate’s commitment and the importance of paying her in exchange for these services and sacrifices. It’s also worth noting that there are protections in place to ensure vulnerable women are not forced into surrogacy in the United States; surrogacy professionals require women to be able to support themselves and their family without state assistance in order to be a surrogate.
  • Surrogacy professionals minimize risks. Through a careful screening and selection process, surrogacy professionals ensure all prospective surrogates and intended parents are truly prepared for the process ahead of them. This is done to minimize risks to everyone involved, especially the surrogate. Surrogacy attorneys also work closely with intended parents and surrogates to ensure their rights and interests are protected, eliminating legal risks, as well. And, contrary to popular belief, the emotional risks to surrogates are minimal; because most surrogates are not related to the children they carry, the vast majority report no emotional complications with the process.
  • Everyone has a voice in the surrogacy process. In domestic surrogacy, intended parents and surrogates enter into the process knowingly and willingly. Screening and counseling services are offered to ensure every prospective surrogate and intended parent is motivated to do surrogacy for the right reasons, and every party plays an active role in the process.

Should Surrogate Motherhood be Allowed?

So, after reviewing both sides of the argument, should surrogacy be allowed? We tend to think so. Should society regulate the practice of surrogacy? Absolutely.

At American Surrogacy, we are able to say with confidence that the surrogates, intended parents and children involved in our program all benefit from the process — and that’s largely because surrogacy issues in the United States are minimized by the well-defined laws and processes that are in place here.

By working with a trusted U.S. surrogacy professional like American Surrogacy, you can ensure that every step of your surrogacy process is legal, ethical and well-regulated, and that everyone involved in your journey is protected from start to finish.

To learn more about surrogacy, or to start your journey now, please contact our surrogacy specialists at 1-800-875-22299(BABY).

How to Explain Your Surrogacy Decision To Your Family

After months or even years of trying to grow your family and examining your options, you’ve finally decided to pursue surrogacy. At this point, you are probably ready to shout your news from the rooftops — but explaining your surrogacy decision to friends and relatives isn’t always that simple.

In fact, because surrogacy is still a commonly misunderstood practice, your exciting news may be met with blank stares, confusion, or even ignorant questions or comments. How do you explain your surrogacy decision to your family, especially if they’re not very familiar with the realities of this process?

Remember that your surrogacy specialist is always here to help you prepare for and navigate these conversations. In the meantime, the guidelines below can help you get started:

Introduce the concept.

Before you start sending out pregnancy announcements, you may want to go back to the basics. Start slow with an introduction of the surrogacy process; try mentioning the concept casually in conversation and see where it leads. The more you talk about surrogacy in a theoretical way, the less shocking your news will be when you do announce your plans.

Know your reasons.

Likely, your closest friends and family members already know about your desire to grow your family. They may have watched you struggle for a long time to become parents, and chances are, they will immediately understand your surrogacy decision and be thrilled for you.

But, because there are still so many misconceptions about surrogacy today, it never hurts to have your list of reasons prepared before you have this conversation. Explain that you’ve explored all of your family-building options and that you know surrogacy is the next step for you.

Correct any misinformation.

Often, any objections to surrogacy raised by family and friends come from a well-intentioned place. Your loved ones may not understand how the IVF and embryo transfer processes work, or they may worry that the surrogate will be pregnant with her own baby and try to take custody after the birth. Often, friends and family members have heard sensationalized stories in the media of surrogacy gone wrong, and they’re simply trying to save you from the same fate.

Take this as an opportunity to educate loved ones about how the surrogacy process really works. Explain that surrogates are thoroughly vetted, you’ll be present for the embryo transfer process at the lab, and the surrogate will have no genetic relationship or legal claim to your baby.

Ask for support.

Once your friends and family members are aware of your surrogacy decision, they’ll likely want to support you in any way they can — but they may not always know how to do that. When you’re not the one carrying the pregnancy, loved ones might not always think to ask how the process is going, and they might not realize that this journey comes with its own practical challenges and stressors.

It’s important to have a support system to lean on during the challenges of surrogacy — and with whom to celebrate the triumphs. Let your friends and family members know how much their support throughout this process will mean to you, and don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it.

If you’re struggling to talk with friends and family members about your surrogacy plans, you can always contact American Surrogacy at 1-800-875-2229(BABY) for additional support and advice.

4 Facts to Know for Gynecological Cancer Awareness Month

For many intended parents, the path to surrogacy is paved with grief, loss and seemingly insurmountable hurdles. For some, one of those hurdles is gynecologic cancer.

A cancer diagnosis can be devastating, and when a hopeful parent learns that their cancer or treatment could impact their ability to have children naturally, they must deal with the added emotional challenges of overcoming infertility. And, because infertility is sometimes still considered a taboo subject, many patients don’t get the support or understanding they need as they grieve this loss.

September is Gynecologic Cancer Awareness Month and, at American Surrogacy, we want to take the time to acknowledge the struggles that many women experience when faced with this illness — especially when they’re trying to have children.

If you are considering surrogacy as a result of infertility due to cancer, know that our specialists are always here to support you and answer any questions you may have. Surrogacy is not right for everyone, but it has offered hope to many women like you.

In honor of Gynecologic Cancer Awareness Month, here are five things everyone should know about cancer, infertility and their family-building options.

1. There are many types of gynecologic cancer.

“Gynecologic cancer” is a broad term that refers to cancer of the reproductive organs in women. There are many types of gynecologic cancer, including cancer of the cervix, ovaries, uterus, vagina and vulva.

2. All women are at risk.

Cancer does not discriminate. While a woman’s risk may increase with age, genetics and certain lifestyle factors, any woman can develop gynecological cancer. More than 90,000 women are diagnosed each year — in America, that’s one woman diagnosed every six minutes.

3. Women are often unaware of the signs and symptoms.

The symptoms of gynecologic cancer vary based on the type and stage of cancer. Early detection is key to treatment, so it is important to be proactive about your health. Learn the signs and symptoms of different types of gynecologic cancers, and be sure to attend routine screening appointments to catch any problems early on.

4. Gynecologic cancer doesn’t mean you can’t have children.

Not all gynecologic cancer will result in the loss of fertility. Depending on the specific type of cancer and the stage at which it is diagnosed, fertility preservation is sometimes possible.

However, even when treatment will impact a woman’s fertility, it doesn’t necessarily mean she cannot add a child to her family. She may have the option to preserve her eggs for later use in gestational surrogacy, or she may choose to use donated eggs to complete the surrogacy process. Other times, survivors pursue adoption or other another family-building option.

Of course, in these scenarios, it’s always important for women to grieve the loss of having a biological child or carrying a pregnancy themselves — but once you do work through these struggles, know that motherhood can still be an option for you.

If you are ready to begin your family-building process today, or if you would like to know more about using surrogacy to have a child after gynecologic cancer, call a surrogacy specialist today at 1-800-875-2229(BABY).