Surrogacy News and Information | American Surrogacy Blog

7 Fun Bonding Activities for Surrogates and Intended Parents

In most surrogacies, intended parents and prospective surrogates are lucky enough to meet each other before the baby is born. Intended parents may travel to a surrogate’s state to get to know her before a match is solidified, before the embryo transfer takes place or to be present at one of her prenatal appointments. A surrogate, on the other hand, will travel to the intended parents’ clinic as the same time they do and likely spend a few days in the area.

All of these opportunities offer great chances for intended parents and surrogates to get to know each other better and create a solid relationship and partnership through their upcoming journey. But, what exactly should surrogates and intended parents do when they meet face-to-face? How do you approach building a relationship with someone who will be so important to you for the next year or more?

The answer is always whatever both parties are most comfortable with. Some surrogates and intended parents will jump into a friendship more easily than others, and that’s okay. It’s about doing what is right for your and your partner’s preferences to be as successful as possible while moving forward.

If your surrogacy partner is scheduled to be in your city soon, here are a few great bonding activities to consider:

1. A Family-Friendly Activity

Women who become surrogates with our agency are required to be raising at least one child in their own home — which means intended parents who are visiting should consider including their surrogate’s family in their bonding activities. After all, a surrogate’s family is just as impacted by her surrogacy decision as she is, and it will mean a great deal to her if all of her immediate family is able to get to know and build a relationship with the people she is carrying a baby for. It may even help her children understand the process ahead.

If a surrogate’s (or intended parent’s) family is able to participate in a bonding activity, consider a fun activity like going to the zoo, the museum or the park. Finding an activity where children can be occupied allows their parents to focus more on bonding with their surrogacy partner while also including the child in the process.

2. A Local Attraction

On the same train of thought, if you are looking for a unique activity to do while spending time with your surrogacy partner, think about the local attractions in your area. Whether it’s a museum, a park, or another kind of local feature, taking your surrogacy partner there allows you to “do something” while bonding and will give your partner a taste of the area that you live in.

3. A Spa Day

Spa days aren’t just for ladies; men can enjoy the benefits, too! Both intended parents and surrogates will likely go through their own set of stressors during surrogacy, and a spa day can help them relieve those feelings. Take time to get some massages, pedicures or whatever else floats your boat; your body, mind and relationship will thank you for it.

4. A Nice Dinner or Lunch

If you’re not comfortable enough to commit a full day to bonding quite yet, having lunch or dinner with your surrogacy partner can be a great way to start getting to know each other. It provides a great opportunity for conversation, and you get a meal out of it, to boot.

If you decide to take this route, think of a few conversation topics ahead of time. Odds are you have already talked about the logistics of the surrogacy journey before this point, so use this meal as a way to learn more about your surrogacy partner’s personal life and family.

5. A Concert or Other Live Show

If you and your surrogacy partner have similar interests, you might choose to add something fun like a concert to their visit. While you may not be able to talk to each other as much as you would with another activity, it can be a great bonding experience and help kick-start your relationship. It will also be a memory that you’ll be able to look back on for years to come.

6. An Outdoor Excursion

If you are both outdoorsy people, a hike, bike ride or similar outdoor activity can be a great way to get your blood pumping! Surrogates may not be able to continue their exercise regimen once they are far along in their pregnancy, so take advantage of the opportunities to explore the great outdoors — talking and encouraging each other every step of the way.

Always make sure that a surrogate is cleared for appropriate physical exercise before making plans for this activity.

7. A Tour of the Hometown

Finally, if your surrogacy partner is coming to you, offer to give him or her a tour of the town where you live. This gives intended parents an idea of what a surrogate’s community will be like during her pregnancy, and it gives surrogates an idea of what the parents’ child will be like as he or she grows up. It can be as detailed as you want; whatever you choose to share with your surrogacy partner will help them get to know you in a completely different way.

—

For more suggestions on how to build a strong relationship with your surrogacy partner, you can always talk to your surrogacy specialist at 1-800-875-BABY (2229). She can discuss with you in more detail what she thinks is appropriate for your personal relationship.

Whatever you choose to do, remember this: The relationship that you have with your surrogacy partner will play a large role in the success of your journey moving forward — so always take the time to make it the best it can be.

What You Need to Know About Uterine Lining in Surrogacy

There are many different things involved in a successful embryo transfer, whether it’s a part of a surrogacy or in vitro fertilization process. Therefore, it’s important that all intended parents and surrogates talk in detail with their fertility specialist about the path ahead of them — everything that they should know before starting this complicated medical process.

If you are a surrogate, you may have come across a lot of information about uterine lining in your research. Many surrogates religiously track their uterine lining up until their embryo transfer process, which may make you wonder, “What is the big deal about uterine lining in surrogacy?”

As always, we recommend you speak with a fertility specialist or gynecologist for the most accurate information about what the thickness of uterine lining will mean in your situation. In the meantime, you can find the basic things you need to know below.

What Role Does Uterine Lining Play in IVF?

Every surrogacy (and every IVF) process requires the transfer and eventual implantation of an embryo to be successful. While the quality of the embryo plays a large role in whether it implants in the uterus, one of the other important factors in this process is the thickness of a woman’s uterine lining.

If a uterine lining is too thin, it can lead to failed implantation or even early pregnancy loss. A thick uterine lining provides a safe and welcoming environment for a transferred embryo, making it easier for the embryo to implant into the walls of the uterus. This thicker lining will provide nourishment to the embryo as it grows, making it more likely that a successful pregnancy can be carried to term.

Before you start your journey as a surrogate, your fertility specialist will likely conduct a few tests beforehand to ensure your uterus is ready for this process. These tests will also be completed again before an embryo is transferred to your uterus.

What Numbers Should You Look for in Your Uterine Lining?

Remember, every woman is different, and only your doctor can accurately explain what your uterine lining should look like before implantation. In general, studies have shown that a uterine lining should be 6 or more millimeters for successful implantation. An ideal lining is at least 7 to 8 millimeters thick.

The quality of a uterine lining refers to more than just thickness, however. In order for the correct thickness to be present in the first place, there must be the correct tissue structure, the right receptors within the uterus, and the right balance of hormones. This is why surrogates are often required to take estrogen and progesterone prior to embryo transfer — to regulate the proper hormone balance for a hospitable womb.

You may also hear the phrase “triple stripe” from others going through the IVF and surrogacy process. This refers to the structure of the lining in the uterus. A more receptive lining has a tri-laminar appearance, usually three lines right on top of each other. Again, your medical professional will look for this three-layer appearance before beginning the embryo transfer process.

How Can You Improve Your Uterine Lining?

In most cases, the thickness of a woman’s lining is out of her control. It’s something that is regulated by her own body and hormones prescribed by her doctor. Every body is different, which means that one woman may naturally have a better uterine lining than another.

Before you start researching ways to improve your uterine lining, we encourage you speak with your fertility specialist or medical professional. You should not take medical advice from anyone other than this professional.

That said, there are a few things that may help improve your uterine lining — and certainly won’t harm it:

Partake in regular, moderate exercise to get your blood flowing throughout your body.
Eliminate or limit substances that may restrict blood flow, such as caffeine, nicotine, seasonal allergy medications and cold remedies to stop nasal swelling.
Consider acupuncture.
Think about your body weight; extra weight and fat cells can promote pelvic blood flow and additional estrogen.
Look into nutritional supplements such as vitamin E and L-arginine.

Your doctor can give you the best idea of what steps might be helpful in your situation. At the end of the day, however, stressing out about the thickness of your uterine lining will do more harm than good. What will be will be — an important thing to learn early on in a surrogacy journey.

To learn more about the medical process of surrogacy, we encourage you to contact a local fertility specialist or one of our agency’s surrogacy specialists today.

5 Dangers of Online Surrogacy Support Groups

If you’re considering starting the surrogacy process, whether as a prospective surrogate or intended parent, you’ve probably come across websites and forums where members of the surrogacy journey share their stories, opinions and advice for others. These websites can be a great way for you to learn more about surrogacy from someone who has been where you are — but it’s important that you take the information presented here with a grain of salt.

When it comes to learning about the surrogacy process, there is no better source of information than the surrogacy specialists at American Surrogacy. When you call 1-800-875-BABY(2229), an experienced surrogacy professional is able to answer your personal questions and help you best determine whether surrogacy is the right path for you.

Proper research is important for every prospective surrogate and intended parent. While we are not discounting the helpful stories and information presented on sites and forums where anyone can share their experience, there are a few things you should know about these information sources.

Not all information is accurate.

You know that not everything on the internet is true — and that is certainly correct when it comes to information shared about surrogacy and other IVF processes.

Surrogacy is still a new way of building a family, which means there are many people out there who do not fully understand how the process works. People who only mean well may be the people constantly sharing incorrect information in online support groups and forums, leading others astray. Don’t take everything you read on these support groups and websites to heart. You could easily be misled about how surrogacy actually works, putting your own surrogacy journey at risk.

For the most accurate information about the surrogacy process, you should speak with a surrogacy agency, a surrogacy attorney and a fertility clinic.

Dramatic circumstances and stories are actually in the minority.

When people hear about surrogacy, their minds often go to the dramatic stories they hear on the news: of surrogates becoming pregnant with their own children, of surrogates taking custody of children, of intended parents refusing to take responsibility for their children, etc. While these stories are popular online, they are in the small minority in real life. The majority of surrogacy stories go well without any hiccups — but, because those are “boring” in comparison, people don’t talk about them as much.

The same applies to stories shared in surrogacy support groups and forums. Because dramatic stories get the most attention, you may see a disproportionate number of these in your feed. Don’t let these scare you away from surrogacy; make sure to speak with a surrogacy professional about how surrogacy actually works before making a decision for your family.

Some support groups are formed with an agenda.

People on the internet always have an opinion, no matter how hard they may try to be objective. However, some people don’t try to be objective at all — and instead use the internet as a way to deliver biased information to sway people one way or another.

There is a very vocal anti-surrogacy community online. You may find yourself stumbling upon a support group or forum that claims to offer helpful information when it really just offers biased, non-factual information intended to dissuade people from surrogacy. For example, even though American surrogacy is very different from surrogacy elsewhere in the world, people use ethical breaches in international surrogacy as reasoning against surrogacy on U.S. soil.

Before you join any online support group or forum, take your time to investigate who is hosting the discussion and what personal affiliations they may have. Even if a support group itself is not biased, remember that certain people will want to promote their own ideas in the comments, as well.

There is always a risk in finding surrogacy partners online.

More and more people are using online support groups and forums to help them find a surrogate or intended parent to share their journey with. A great number of these people use these sources because an agency will not help them match for a traditional surrogacy, or because the laws in their state or country disallow the kind of surrogacy they wish to pursue.

If you use these methods to help yourself find a surrogacy partner, be cautious. Not all intended parents and surrogates on online sites have been properly screened for the surrogacy process. “Matching” with one of these partners on your own can delay your surrogacy journey as they follow through with screening, especially if they are not approved for the surrogacy process.

Working with an experienced surrogacy agency like American Surrogacy is the best way to find a safe and approved surrogate or intended parent for your journey.

Be prepared for “shaming” of surrogates and intended parents.

Online shaming: It’s something that you’ve probably seen in all aspects on the internet, and surrogacy is no different. People are able to say terrible things online that they would never say in a face-to-face conversation because they are emboldened by their anonymity and the lack of consequences.

If you join a surrogacy support group, be prepared for seeing (and receiving) some mean comments about your surrogacy choices. No matter which path you choose, there is always someone on the other side who might disparage your decision. Try not to take these comments to heart. If a surrogacy support group starts doing more harm than good in your surrogacy journey, it’s probably time to give it up and find your information from a local, experienced professional instead.

For more information about surrogacy support groups, including which ones to join and which ones to avoid, reach out to your surrogacy specialist. They can also answer whatever questions you may have about the personal surrogacy journey ahead of you.

5 Gift Ideas for Intended Parents from Surrogates

As a surrogate, you will be giving the greatest gift ever to your intended parents — the gift of parenthood. During your surrogacy process, you’ll likely create a strong personal relationship with the intended parents, and it may be one that lasts for a lifetime.

Because surrogacy is always a partnership, sometimes surrogates wish to honor that relationship with a little something extra. In these situations, a surrogate may ask, “Can I get the intended parents a gift?”

Of course you can! Like you would in any other close friendship, you may think about getting your intended parents presents for special occasions — including the delivery of their child. But, what is appropriate when it comes to giving your intended parents a gift?

If you are considering giving your intended parents a present or other commemorative item, we encourage you to contact your surrogacy specialist at 1-800-875-BABY(2229) for suggestions. Your specialist is the one that knows your surrogacy situation best, which means she can provide the best guidance for moving forward on this issue.

In the meantime, here are a few ideas you may consider as you think about giving a gift to your intended parents.

1. Something for the Baby

You and your intended parents will forever be bonded by the precious life you bring into the world — which means that you both will have a great deal of love for this little bundle of joy. As you’re considering gift ideas, you may think about something that you can get for the baby. Many surrogates enjoy picking out a new outfit, a special toy or something else that the little one will enjoy. Giving this to the intended parents at a baby shower or after delivery can be a natural thing, which can eliminate some of the awkwardness of giving and receiving gifts during the surrogacy process.

2. Something for the New Parents

Many intended parents who choose surrogacy do so to have their first child. This means they will become parents for the first time and, therefore, be responsible for caring for a child for the first time ever. Because you are a parent yourself, you may choose to get them a “first-time parent” kit, or another useful item like a diaper bag, playpen, or more. Think about what you wish you had in advance when you had your first child, and consider gifting that to the intended parents to make their adjustment a bit easier.

3. Something Handmade

If you choose to give your intended parents something special, keep in mind that handmade, heartfelt gifts are often the best to give. You don’t have to spend a lot of money on a gift for an intended parent, should you choose to give them a gift at all; they will appreciate anything that goes above and beyond the incredible gift of life you are already giving them.

A few wonderful handmade gifts include blankets, paintings, pictures, baked goods and more. Think about what some of your talents are, and find a way to incorporate them into a gift that your intended parents will enjoy!

4. Something to Commemorate the Process

When you complete a surrogacy journey with your intended parents, you are part of a partnership that you will remember for years to come. So, you might consider gifting the intended parents something that celebrates the journey you took together. While they will always have something to remind them of their surrogacy journey (their child), there are also some other great ideas for commemorating the partnership you made with them.

People choose to document and celebrate their surrogacy process in several ways. Consider creating a surrogacy memory book of your pregnancy for the intended parents and the child, buying a piece of jewelry or figurine representing surrogacy, or put together something as simple as a beautifully framed picture from your delivery. You’ll always have your surrogacy memories, and these kinds of gifts will help them stay strong forever.

5. Nothing — Just a Happy, Healthy Baby

As a surrogate, you are never under any obligation to get your intended parents any kinds of gifts. After all, you are already giving them the most priceless gift you can. You are choosing to sacrifice your time, body and energy to help bring a child into the world; you don’t have to do anything additional. The most important thing to do is to focus on having a healthy pregnancy and delivery.

—

If you aren’t sure about what kind of present is appropriate for intended parents, or whether to give your intended parents a present at all, remember that your surrogacy specialist is here to help. She can provide suggestions for what is best in your situation and make sure that all parties in the surrogacy process are comfortable as possible. No matter what you decide to do, your intended parents will forever be grateful for the surrogacy decision you have made.

5 Gift Ideas for Surrogates from Intended Parents

Surrogacy creates unique, strong and loving partnerships between intended parents and their surrogate. After all, their surrogate is someone who is generously and selflessly giving her time, body and energy to help them reach their parenthood dreams. It’s only natural that they want to make her feel appreciated for her efforts — which is why many intended parents ask, “Can we get our surrogate a gift?”

The answer is yes! It’s common for intended parents to gift their surrogate something upon the delivery of their child, just as she is giving them a perfect, healthy child. A gift can be a wonderful way to show appreciation and further express to a surrogate just how much she means to the intended parents.

But, there are a few things to keep in mind while selecting a gift for a surrogate. Perhaps the most important is surrogate compensation laws. Many states have regulations on what kind of compensation a surrogate receives for her services, and gifts can be counted among this “compensation,” even if they are worth more emotionally than financially.

Before giving a gift to your surrogate, reach out to your surrogacy specialist. She can explain which gifts are appropriate in your situation and even help you pick out one that best expresses your feelings. For more information about this topic, feel free to call 1-800-875-BABY(2229).

Below, you’ll find a few ideas to help you find the best gift for your surrogate.

1. Something for Her Pregnancy Journey

Not all surrogacy gifts have to come after the baby is delivered. In fact, showing your surrogate your appreciation while she is still pregnant will mean a lot to her. Once you have approval from your surrogacy specialist to do so, don’t be afraid to send your surrogate treats to make her pregnancy a little better. Consider things like spa kits, meal delivery services, movie tickets for a night out and more. She is expending a lot of energy while she grows your little baby, so give her the chance to take some time off and look after herself for a little bit.

2. Something Handmade

Many intended parents with to give their surrogate a gift after the baby is born, and this can be a great time to do so. Remember, your surrogate is likely receiving surrogate compensation already, so giving money or other kind of financial gifts is often not necessary — and may even go against your state’s surrogacy laws and your personal surrogacy contract. To avoid these complications, you can gift her something a bit more special.

Consider a handmade gift for your surrogate, like a painting, a blanket or some yummy treats to enjoy. The effort that you put into making these kinds of gifts will often mean much more than anything you could have bought her, which makes them the perfect gift for intended parents to pass along to their surrogate.

3. Something for Post-Delivery Recovery

Childbirth is a massive endeavor, and your surrogate will likely need weeks to recover from her experience. Therefore, even after the surrogacy process is finished, she will continue sacrificing her time and body to making your parenthood dreams come true.

You can make her recovery process a little easier with a gift that helps her heal and relax from her delivery process. You might create a personalized spa basket, with lotions, bath bombs and more to help her unwind from the stress of delivery and getting back to her everyday responsibilities.

4. Something for Her Family

Your surrogate isn’t the only one who has been giving up time and energy for your surrogacy; her family will have been doing so, as well. They may have had to postpone family vacations, give up some normal everyday activities and more to keep her safe and healthy during her pregnancy.

So, when you’re giving your surrogate a post-delivery gift, don’t forget about her family, too. Perhaps get small gifts (like stuffed animals or toys) for young children and put together a “date night in a basket” gift for herself and her spouse. If your surrogacy specialist allows it, you might even consider creating a gift like a day at the zoo for the whole family to enjoy once your surrogate has recovered.

5. Something to Commemorate the Journey

Remember that surrogacy is a life-changing journey that your surrogate will remember for years to come. Many intended parents choose to celebrate that journey and their new friendship with a gift commemorating this experience. You may give her a copy of the surrogacy memory book you’ve created for your child, a beautiful framed photo of you all, or a simple necklace or figurine representing motherhood and friendship. These can be some of the most beautiful gifts that surrogates receive and ones she will treasure forever.

—

Remember, whatever you decide to give your surrogate should always be up to you and always come from the heart. You do not need to get a surrogate something from every category above; talk with your surrogacy specialist to find out what she recommends and what is best in your situation before buying anything for your surrogate.

5 Resources Everyone Needs for Their Surrogacy

Surrogacy can be a complicated family-building journey — which is why neither intended parents nor surrogates should go through the process alone. But, how do you know which resources you need to have as successful a surrogacy journey as possible?

Ultimately, the decision of who and what to include in your surrogacy will be up to you. It’s a good idea to do as much research as possible before starting this journey to give yourself the best place to start from. Below, you’ll find a few important resources that we recommend — no matter where you are at in your surrogacy process.

1. Informational Websites

There is a wealth of information available online for prospective surrogates and intended parents. Whether you choose to read surrogacy agency websites, objective and informational sources like Surrogate.com, or forums and support groups filled with other surrogates and parents, the information you find on these sites can be invaluable. It can give you a better understanding of exactly what surrogacy entails before you begin this life-changing journey.

Keep in mind, not all of the information that you find online is true. That’s why it’s so important to have a wealth of resources to turn to when making your surrogacy decision — to ensure you are moving forward properly comprehending the steps ahead.

2. Surrogacy Professionals

Where informational websites may fail or be unclear, surrogacy professionals can help. Every intended parent and surrogate will need to work with a surrogacy attorney during their journey, and many choose to work with a surrogacy specialist through an agency, as well.

These professionals can offer the best education and information about the surrogacy process as it relates to your situation. They can answer your personal questions and suggest the best individual path for you and your family. You must work with a surrogacy professional during your surrogacy process; otherwise, you open yourself up to legal and practical risks and complications.

3. Medical Professionals

Another important resource for both surrogates and intended parents is a medical professional, including a fertility specialist and an obstetrician. These professionals will guide both parties through the complicated medical process of surrogacy, such as screening, embryo transfer, prenatal care and childbirth.

A surrogate pregnancy is very different from a naturally conceived pregnancy, and working with a medical professional experienced in this process is crucial. Because every body and medical situation is different, personalized attention from this medical resource keeps all parties in the process safe.

All intended parents should speak at length with a fertility specialist before deciding surrogacy is right for them. Likewise, all surrogates should be screened by a surrogacy medical professional to ensure they are medically capable of this unique journey before moving forward.

4. Support System of Friends and Family

Surrogacy demands a great deal from intended parents and surrogates. Many participants in this process find that a support system of trusted friends and family members is crucial to surviving this period. Friends and family can help watch older children, complete housework and even provide a shoulder to lean on during this practically and emotionally demanding time.

While your friends and family may not know a lot about surrogacy, they can be a valuable resource during times when you want a break from the demands of the process. Your spouse shouldn’t be the only one that you turn to; cultivate relationships with a few other trusted people to get the support that you need during this time.

5. Strong Surrogacy Partner

Although your spouse shouldn’t be the only one who supports you during this surrogacy process, they often play a huge role as they take this journey with you. A supportive, understanding spouse is a great resource during your surrogacy. Whether you are an intended parent or a prospective surrogate, your spouse will take this journey with you, and they should be involved from the beginning to the end of the process.

Before you even consider surrogacy, make sure your spouse is on the same page as you. Starting this journey as a united team will go a long way to ensuring as positive a surrogacy journey as possible. A surrogacy specialist or infertility counselor can help you reach an agreement and provide the building blocks for moving forward together.

Looking for more surrogacy information and more surrogacy resources? Please reach out to our surrogacy specialists at 1-800-875-BABY(2229)for answers to your questions and to start your surrogacy journey today.

7 Things Television Gets Wrong About Surrogacy

Surrogacy is ever-growing in its popularity as a family-building process. But, as surrogacy becomes more popular in people’s lives, it also becomes a more popular process to represent onscreen. However, the surrogacy we see on TV and in the movies is often far-removed from the reality of the surrogacy process.

Unfortunately, natural conception is still seen as the de facto way to add a child to one’s family — which means processes like surrogacy, IVF and adoption continue to be represented as unique and “exotic” ways to build a family. When done correctly, using surrogacy as a plot point can be a beautiful story; when done incorrectly (as it frequently is), it perpetuates negative stereotypes and incorrect information about this journey.

Here are just a few incorrect ideas about surrogacy that we’ve seen in pop culture. What are some you’d want to add?

That Surrogates Can Get Pregnant with Their Own Children

Surrogacy is a medical process that is strictly regulated by medical professionals. Even those who pursue traditional surrogacy (in which a surrogate uses her eggs in the process) complete their fertilization and embryo transfer in a laboratory. During this process, a surrogate signs an agreement to refrain from sexual intercourse to avoid pregnancy. She also takes birth control pills up until the embryo transfer to control her cycle and further prevent pregnancy.

That level of detail isn’t explained on television. In the movie “Baby Mama,” we see a surrogate’s embryo transfer process fail. Instead of telling the intended mother, she attempts to feign pregnancy until she receives compensation (more on that below). She eventually discovers she is pregnant — but by her common-law husband instead. Because she did not follow medical protocol, she got pregnant during her fertility treatments ahead of her embryo transfer.

Know this: Surrogates are bound by contract to follow medical protocol exactly, eliminating the chance of an accidental pregnancy like this.

That Anyone Can Be a Surrogate

Often, when hopeful parents on TV find out they cannot conceive, a helpful friend or family member offers to carry their baby for them. While this is a well-meaning and beautiful gesture, it also sends the wrong message about surrogates.

Surrogates must meet certain standards to pursue this process — most notable being that they have already given birth to one child. So, when Rory Gilmore jokes about becoming a surrogate for her friend’s agency in “Gilmore Girls,” it perpetuates harmful stereotypes, as she herself has never been pregnant or had a baby before.

In the recent revival of “Roseanne,” daughter Becky lies about her age and is still able to start the surrogacy process. She goes through no formal doctor’s visits or assessments. This is entirely inaccurate; Becky would have never made it past the first assessment to become a surrogate. Similarly, the surrogate in “Baby Mama” had never had a child before — which means she would have been ineligible to become a surrogate in reality.

That Surrogates are “Ranked” from Best to Worst

In “Gilmore Girls,” Rory’s friend Paris runs a surrogacy agency — with a great degree of callousness and misinformation. As Rory’s mother and stepfather approach the agency about surrogacy, Paris brings out a different binder of women for them to choose from, saying, “Give me that. [Those are] Bargain basement breeders. I’m not letting any of those bottle-service bimbos carry your baby. No, for you, I pull out the prime meat.”

There are so many things wrong with this scene, especially Paris’s treatment of the surrogates with her agency. All women who are cleared by surrogacy agencies are medically approved to be surrogates and carry a child; there are no “better” or “worse” surrogates. Instead, the best match is based on the connection between the surrogate and the intended parents.

The total dehumanization of surrogates in this scene is a prime example of why people still hold reservations about the ethics of surrogacy today. In reality, surrogacy agencies should treat their surrogates with respect and care every step of the way — something American Surrogacy takes very seriously.

That Traditional Surrogacy is Common

Traditional surrogacy is both rare and risky for intended parents and surrogates. Therefore, it tends to make for good TV — even when it’s not at all a good representation of the process.

In “Roseanne,” prospective surrogate Becky enters into traditional surrogacy (even though she would never be approved at the age of 41 to use her own eggs in the process). In “Gilmore Girls,” the director of the surrogacy agency makes comments about choosing the best surrogate because if they don’t, their child could wind up with a career at McDonald’s.

Both of these representations are truly incorrect when it comes to the reality of surrogacy. The vast majority of surrogates today are gestational, meaning the intended mother’s or a donor’s egg is used during the embryo transfer process. Therefore, a surrogate is not related to and does not pass on her genetics to the baby she carries. Surrogacy agencies today do not complete traditional surrogacies due to the risk and danger of entering into this process.

That Surrogates Do It for the Money

In both “Roseanne” and “Baby Mama,” the surrogates make one thing clear: they are only in it for the money. Unfortunately, this perpetuates perhaps the most harmful stereotype about surrogacy there is.

Any woman who is only it in for the money will not be approved by a surrogacy agency. Surrogates cannot be on government aid at the time of their journey, and the funds they receive from their surrogacy are not enough to make them rich. In fact, a surrogate must be comfortable with the fact that the risks she is incurring (loss of reproductive ability and even life) are not in any way made up for by the compensation she is receiving.

A surrogate is not “selling” her body; she is being compensated for the services she willingly provides out of an altruistic desire to help another.

That Surrogacy is Something Decided on a Whim

In “Gilmore Girls,” Luke and Lorelei briefly talk about adoption before setting up a meeting with a surrogacy agency. However, Luke is not involved in the talk about surrogacy at all beforehand. It’s critically important that each party is comfortable with the idea of surrogacy before moving forward — so the confusion and discomfort that Luke feels in the agency office doesn’t occur.

Surrogacy isn’t just something that intended parents decide to do on a whim. It’s a process that requires a great deal of financial, emotional and physical commitment before moving forward. Both parties must always be committed and plans must always be made for the requirements of the process before any actions are set into motion.

That Surrogacy is a Scary, Dramatic Process

When surrogacy is a plot point in TV and the movies, it often revolves around something going terribly wrong, even when it all works out in the end. This is a vast misrepresentation of the surrogacy process. As long as you are working with accredited organizations and proper legal guidance, your surrogacy will proceed safely, legally and efficiently.

To learn more about what surrogacy is really like, we encourage you to contact our surrogacy specialists at 1-800-875-BABY(2229). They can answer all of your questions about surrogacy, describe the reality of the surrogacy process and, when you’re ready, help you get started. Surrogacy is a safe and beautiful process, and American Surrogacy stands ready to help you through your journey from start to finish.

7 Ways to Share Your Journey as a Surrogate

Whether you’re just starting your surrogacy journey or you are in the midst of your surrogate pregnancy, your excitement to be a surrogate is likely something that you want to shout from the rooftops. More than ever before, surrogates today have great opportunities to spread awareness of and share their surrogacy story with friends, family and strangers — and you can do so, too.

So, how exactly can you share your surrogacy story? How do you know what to share and what not to share?

When in doubt, we encourage you to contact your surrogacy specialist at 1-800-875-BABY(2229) for guidance. But, to help get your thoughts going, we’ve offered a few suggestions below.

First: Check with Your Intended Parents

Before you decide to share any aspect of your surrogacy story, it’s important that you speak with your intended parents. They are just as much a part of your surrogacy story as you are, and you will need to make sure both parties are comfortable with what information will be shared with friends, family and strangers. Surrogacy is a very intimate partnership; some intended parents may be less likely than others to share their personal journey.

When you first start your surrogacy journey, ask your surrogacy specialist about mediating a conversation about social media and personal information. Your specialist can help you and your intended parents come to an agreement about the level of detail shared by each other. This is an important step in creating a respectful, solid relationship moving forward.

Before signing your surrogacy contract, make sure that this issue is properly addressed by all members of the surrogacy journey.

How to Share Your Surrogacy Story

Once you and the intended parents have decided what to and what not to share with other people, you can move forward with sharing your surrogacy story in the way that works best for you. Which steps you take can also play a part in documenting your surrogacy story for yourself for later.

As a surrogate, you are entering a role in which you have a responsibility to educate others about the surrogacy process. There is a lot of misconception out there about how surrogacy works and, by sharing your story, you can take the steps to help others understand the reality of the process.

Every surrogate is different, which means how you share your story will always be up to you. Here are a few suggestions if you’re wondering how to get the word out about your surrogacy experience:

Use social media.

While it does come with downsides, social media is by far the best way to communicate ideas to a large number of people. If you choose to share and document your surrogacy journey on your social media, you can let people into the intimate details of your surrogacy story — providing a better overall view of the surrogacy process from someone they know and trust.

Social media also provides an opportunity for people to easily ask questions about surrogacy — without having to go far to find the information they want. If you and your intended parents are comfortable doing so, don’t be afraid to share photos, videos, personal stories and more before, during and after your pregnancy.

As you are posting on social media, you can further connect with other intended parents, surrogates and surrogacy professionals by using hashtags. Use phrases like #surrogacy, #fertility, #infertility, #surrogates and more to share your story with an even wider audience.

Use a photo-sharing app.

Sometimes, surrogates and intended parents don’t want to share photos with everyone on the internet — and that’s okay. Instead, you can use secured methods of sharing photos, like Shutterfly or Dropbox or an app like 23snaps. This way, you can share the photos with only the people you want, whether that’s a wide range of family members and friends or just the intended parents. Uploading photos to these sites can also easily document your surrogacy journey and provide a way for you to look back on the experience later.

Join an online support group.

Odds are, before you became a surrogate, you participated in online support groups and forums to learn more about the realities of being a surrogate. Once you become a surrogate, take that chance to give back in the same way — by answering hopeful surrogates’ questions, chiming in on bigger issues and overall sharing your story for those who will most be interested in hearing it. As long as you keep the disadvantages of online support groups in mind, you can share and tell a great deal of helpful information on these kinds of sites.

Keep a blog — or volunteer a blog post.

If you like writing, creating a blog may be the best way for you to share your story. You can start whenever you want in your surrogacy journey, and your words will mean a lot to the women and parents who are considering the surrogacy process. If you don’t wish to maintain a constant blog, consider reaching out to a surrogacy website (American Surrogacy included) to share a blog post about a topic that is important to you.

Share your experiences in real life.

Just as you should be open to answering questions and educating people online, you should do the same in-person. Make sure your friends and family are aware of your surrogacy from early on, and don’t be afraid to bring up your recent experiences during your surrogacy process. Don’t wait until it’s too late; you don’t want to answer the awkward question of “Where is the baby?” after you give birth.

Create a surrogacy memory book.

There’s another important person with whom you may wish to share your surrogacy journey: the child you are giving birth to. To help them understand your surrogacy story down the line, you may work on a surrogacy memory book right now. This memory book can include photos from your pregnancy and delivery, letters you’ve written to the child, and more.

Before you work on this, make sure you speak with the intended parents to ensure their comfort in you doing this — and to see whether they wish to include any memories of their own!

Share your story with your surrogacy professional.

Finally, recognize that your surrogacy story can be incredibly helpful to intended parents and surrogates considering this journey. At American Surrogacy, we offer the opportunity for surrogates to tell their story as part of a testimonial. These stories have been instrumental for those considering surrogacy, and it’s a fairly easy process to complete. To learn more, we encourage you to contact your surrogacy specialist today.

Is Cord Blood Banking Right for You? What to Know About This Process

There are a lot of things to consider when it comes to your surrogate’s delivery plan. You and your surrogacy specialist will need to work with her, her chosen obstetrician and her hospital to determine what your plan looks like moving forward. In addition to deciding who will be present during the birth, what kind of delivery can be expected and where you as an intended parent will stay, there is another thing you may wish to consider: collecting and banking the cord blood after your surrogate’s delivery.

In most deliveries, a woman’s placenta, umbilical cord and all the blood within them are disposed of after birth. However, a growing number of women are choosing to take advantage of the benefits cord blood offers, both directly after birth and for years to come.

In this article, you’ll learn a little more about your options when it comes to this new trend. If you are interested in finding out more about this process, we encourage you to contact a professional organization like Americord or Viacord.

Why Collect Stem Cells and Blood from the Umbilical Cord and Placenta?

A woman’s umbilical cord and placenta contain important blood cells known as hematopoietic stem cells. These cells can transform into any type of blood cells and cellular blood components in our bodies, making them incredibly useful and full of possibilities for parents and children. Because of this, stem cells are vital in the development of all tissues, organs and systems in the body.

This transformative power holds many advantages; stem cells have been effective in treating certain diseases or conditions, whether in the child, their parent or their siblings. For example, cord blood stem cells have the ability to treat leukemia and other inherited health disorders with less chance of rejection by the body.

Those who choose to collect and store their baby’s cord blood have a form of insurance, should their child or another closely related family member fall ill. Today, approximately 2.6 percent of American births result in the storing of cord blood.

How to Collect Cord Blood During Your Surrogacy

Before you take any steps to collect and store blood from the umbilical cord and placenta, it’s critical that you speak with your surrogate about your plans. While the process of collecting is quick and non-invasive, you will need your surrogate’s permission to collect cells that have come from her own body — even if the cells are genetically related to your own child.

In general, the process of collecting cord blood takes about five minutes. A doctor will either use a syringe to draw blood from the umbilical cord just after it has been cut, or the umbilical cord will be elevated to drain the blood into the bag. Any collection of cord blog must be done during the 15 minutes following birth and will need to be processed within 48 hours — which is why it’s important that parents to make a decision far in advance of their surrogate’s birth.

After collection, the cord blood will be registered to the parents’ names and sent to a blood bank for storage. These facilities should be accredited by the American Association of Blood Banks to ensure they properly store stem cells.

Is Private Bank Storage the Best Path for You?

Before you decide to store cord blood and stem cells with a private bank, there are a few things to consider.

The costs of storing cord blood can be expensive. For example, blood bank Americord offers 20 years of storage for $3,499, while FamilyCord offers the same for $4,290. Generally, the costs can come out to about $100 to $300 a year for storage, depending on the professional you use. Before choosing this path, it’s important that parents consider the financial aspect involved. Keep in mind that the American Society for Blood and Marrow Transplantation estimates that the chances of a child using their own cord blood later to be only about .04 percent.

Many groups have released statements advocating for public bank donation instead of private banking. You can choose to donate your child’s cord blood for free to a public bank. Should stem cells become necessary later in life, the chance of finding a match through a public bank is very high — about 66 to 97 percent. If your child does not need their stem cells, a public bank donation gives you the chance to save someone else’s life instead.

If you’re considering banking or donating cord blood and stem cells, we encourage you to discuss your options with your surrogate, her obstetrician and your pediatrician. Your decision should only be made after consulting all parties and weighing your pros and cons. Your surrogacy specialist can always refer you to trusted blood banks for more information about this process.

How to Create a Lasting Friendship During Your Surrogacy

As part of today’s International Day of Friendship, we want to take the moment to appreciate some of the most important relationships out there — those between intended parents and surrogates.

The most successful surrogacies are those in which both surrogacy partners have a genuine, respecting relationship. Surrogacy involves a great deal of trust for intended parents and surrogates, which is why finding the perfect match from the beginning goes a long way in forming this positive, long-lasting relationship. It’s actually not that uncommon for intended parents and surrogates to maintain their friendships after the surrogacy journey is over, as well.

Take it from a few of our former surrogacy clients:

“You’re not doing it to have a relationship for the rest of your life (but) the more we talked, he was the one who said, ‘I want you guys to be in Julian’s life. I want Julian to know how he came about and what you guys sacrificed to give him his life.’ Nicholas told our children that Julian is their cousin from Miami… It’s amazing to me that we have such a great relationship.” – Nichole, surrogate for intended father Nicholas
“I never thought that it would go from complete stranger to best friend and a relationship that will always be there, so that’s pretty neat.” – Lindsey, intended mother
“I don’t know if anyone could top Lindsey and Shiloh. I hold them on such a high pedestal that I don’t know if I could ever get the same family again. I have such a wonderful relationship with them that I would want that again.” – Megan, surrogate for intended mother Lindsay

If you’re new to the surrogacy journey, you may wonder how you can find the same kind of lasting friendship that many other intended parents and surrogates have. Choosing to work with American Surrogacy can be the first step.

Our surrogacy specialists will discuss in detail with you your preferences for the surrogacy process. We’ll use your surrogacy goals and needs to help you find the perfect match for your surrogacy — a huge step to creating a long-lasting, genuine relationship with your surrogacy partner. Our specialists will be there to mediate your first conversations with your surrogacy match, as well as provide suggestions and advice to help you maintain a strong friendship throughout your surrogacy journey.

But, what exactly are some tips to finding that perfect match and creating the surrogacy friendships you’ve heard all about?

1. Know Your Surrogacy Preferences.

The best way to ensure a positive surrogacy relationship is by working with someone who values and wants the same things that you do in your surrogacy journey. That way, you can be in tune throughout your surrogacy journey. However, to do so, you must first recognize your own surrogacy desires.

If you are considering surrogacy for the first time, it can be difficult to know exactly what you want — especially when you’re still learning about the intricacies of the surrogacy process. This is where a surrogacy professional like American Surrogacy can come in handy. Surrogacy specialists can discuss your surrogacy journey in depth to help create a list of preferences moving forward. That way, you can better find a surrogate or intended parent who shares the same goals and preferences.

2. Wait for the Perfect Match.

When you’ve been waiting to start your surrogacy journey, it’s tempting to take the first match you’re presented with, just so you can begin. However, finding the patience to make sure a potential match is perfect for you will be instrumental in creating a positive relationship later on. Sometimes, it may take months to find the perfect match — and that’s okay. When you find the perfect match, you’ll know. It will be worth it to have a genuine friendship based on shared surrogacy desires.

3. Follow the Golden Rule.

Like any other relationships, relationships created during the surrogacy process should be treated with respect and kindness. While the relationship between intended parents and surrogates is certainly a unique one, all of the same rules with everyday relationships apply. Because surrogacy can be a journey filled with emotional ups and downs, it’s important that you continue to respect each other and maintain any boundaries you may have set in your surrogacy contract.

If you ever have complications in establishing and maintaining a positive surrogacy relationship, know that the specialists at American Surrogacy are here for you. To learn more about finding your perfect surrogacy match, please contact our agency at 1-800-875-BABY(2229).