Surrogacy is an amazing journey filled with twists and turns, some planned, some unexpected. There may be times where you encounter devastating obstacles. Whether it’s the embryo transferring not taking, a miscarriage or infant loss, experiencing heartbreaks during your surrogacy process is an unfortunate reality for many families.
That’s why October has been chosen as the month to commemorate pregnancy, infant loss and miscarriage awareness month. Many families don’t know where to turn and feel they must grieve alone, struggling to cope with the loss of their infant or pregnancy. During this month, we encourage families, whether they’ve experienced infant or pregnancy loss or not, to recognize those who have. You should never have to bear these difficult emotions in silence. This month stands to help these families cope with grief in a healthy way.
While the entirety of October is an awareness month, Oct. 15 is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. “Remembering Our Babies,” a group dedicated to spreading awareness of this issue and encourages everyone to light a candle at 7 p.m. on Oct. 15 to represent the pregnancies and infants that were lost too early.
The organization also offers guidance for coping with grief of a lost pregnancy or infant over the course of the year. Friends and families can view suggestions on how to support and counsel loved ones going through this grief process.
In addition to the worldwide candle lighting, you can also see if an organization near you is hosting an awareness walk or activity within the month of October. You can also submit information about an event you’re hosting for advertising on their website.
How to Cope with Pregnancy or Infancy Loss [Reach Out for Support]
Many families might not know where to turn for help processing their grief. You might find more solace in one outlet than another. Fortunately, there are many resources available to those going through this difficult experience.
Step 1. Find someone you can talk to
The pain of losing an infant or pregnancy is immeasurable. Keeping all of these emotions to yourself can compound the pain and grief you are already experiencing. Your silence can potentially make it difficult if not impossible to grief properly and move forward. Verbally acknowledging your feelings can help you process them and work through them in a progressive way.
You can find support in a spouse, parent, sibling friend or surrogacy specialist. Being able to talk about your grief can be a great form of emotional release. During National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month also allows you to connect with other families who have experienced this loss.
Step 2. Find a support group
There is an abundance of support groups and forums made up of people who are experiencing a lot of the emotions that you may be. Through this groups you can find a safe space to talk about your experience, receive emotional support, connect with others and support them and get tips on accessing helpful resources during this time.
Whether these groups are in-person or via an online forum, having a community of individuals who can relate to your experience can be incredibly helpful in processing your grief and reaffirms that you are not alone.
Step 3. Commemorate Your Loss in a Way that’s Meaningful to You
There are many ways you can remember what you have lost on October 15. You can light a candle in remembrance of not only yours, but all the little ones that have been lost. Some communities organize walks or charity events to remember the ones lost.
You might donate to a charity that helps other families who are going through the same pain you are. Some families even plant a tree or create some form of a memorial in remembrance of their lost infant. There is no right or wrong way to commemorate your loss. You may decide to do so in a way that’s personal and unique to your family. As long as you find a way to do so in a way that’s means something to you and brings you a sense of closure.
Many surrogacy specialists can provide counseling and support to intended parents who are coping with their grief during this difficult month. They can also refer you to trusted professional counselors and/or other pregnancy and infant loss support groups.
The surrogacy groups listed below can help you cope with your grief and connect with others who are experiencing something similar:
- Share Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support
- E.N.D.
- BabyCenter’s Miscarriage, Stillbirth and Infant Loss Community
You can also find a full list of infertility and infant loss groups in the United States here.
The grief of losing a pregnancy or infant should never be something you have to deal with in silence. You are not alone. Your support system, surrogacy specialist and community of those who share in your grief will be there for you to lean on. To get the emotional support you need, reach out to a surrogacy specialist today.