Everyone knows: Being a surrogate is hard work. But, between all of the focus on your health, pregnancy and well-being, intended parents can sometimes get lost. And that’s not fair!

While intended parents may not go through the same physical process as their gestational carrier, they go through an equally difficult emotional process. It’s hard to give up control of their baby’s development in utero, even to a woman that they trust deeply. For them, surrogacy is the last step in the long, hard journey they’ve taken to become parents — and this step can sometimes be the hardest yet.

If you’re a surrogate, you want to make your intended parents’ part of the surrogacy journey as easy as possible. That’s a very generous and selfless thing to do, and we commend you for it. But, how can you go above and beyond to help them during your pregnancy?

Below, find a few tips for doing exactly that. Remember, you can always speak with your surrogacy specialist for more advice on what is and is not appropriate in your surrogacy relationship.

1. Keep them informed of your pregnancy and the baby’s development.

The biggest thing you can do to ease your intended parents’ minds? Communicate, communicate, communicate.

Your intended parents are giving up a great deal of control by using the surrogacy process. Even though they trust you to carry their child safely, there are still a great deal of questions and concerns that will pop up before and during your pregnancy. When you’re a surrogate, the best way to help them out is by anticipating those needs. Share your pregnancy experience, and share often.

Frequent updates — such as how you’re feeling, whether the baby is starting to move and more — are extremely reassuring to your intended parents. Phone calls and texts are easy for you to do, but they will mean more to your intended parents than you could ever know.

2. Involve them in your medical appointments and important moments.

If possible, don’t just tell your intended parents about your baby’s development — let them be an active part in it.

Many intended parents are thrilled when invited to a surrogate’s medical appointments. Keep them up to date on your scheduled ultrasounds and other important appointments. That way, they can make the decision to attend if it is in their power.

On the same note, make sure to inform your intended parents about some of the smallest medical changes. If you see a different doctor at one appointment, tell them. If your doctor anticipates changes in your delivery plans, make sure to let your intended parents know. Even something as small as a minor illness should be known by your intended parents, especially if you have to take a prescription to clear it up.

Trust us: The last thing you want is for your intended parents to hear about your medical situation secondhand.

3. Share special experiences with them.

While telling your intended parents about the day-to-day details is important, you can also try to include them in special ways!

Remember that your intended mother (if applicable) would give anything to experience pregnancy the way you are. So, find a way to replicate those experiences for her. Have your obstetrician record your sonograms or the baby’s heartbeat, and you can create a sweet DVD gift for your intended parents to cherish. Try to capture their baby moving on film or, better yet, arrange a date with the intended parents when you anticipate the baby being particularly “active.” Giving them the opportunity to feel their baby move will be a priceless gift.

4. Stay open to their suggestions and wants.

While it’s important that you talk about your experiences with the intended parents, it’s equally important that you listen to them throughout the surrogacy journey. Even though they are not the ones carrying their child, their preferences and desires should be respected at every step along the way.

In most surrogacies, what your intended parents expect of you will be discussed as part of your surrogacy contract. But, it’s not uncommon for intended parents to think of something new they want during the pregnancy. You should make all efforts to abide by those wishes.

For example, even though it may require extra time and effort from you, be enthusiastic about playing recordings of music and their voices to the baby in utero. Read stories to their baby, if they desire, and try to incorporate their pregnancy preferences into your everyday routine — as long as it is safe for you to do so.

Remember: While this is your pregnancy, this is not your baby. Your intended parents will appreciate you having as close a pregnancy to their own desires as possible.

5. Be organized with your financial needs.

Finally, one of the most helpful things you can do for your intended parents involves a more sensitive topic: financial issues.

Your intended parents are responsible for all of your medical expenses during your surrogacy, whether they have set up an escrow service or will reimburse you for your expenses as they occur. Either way, organization is key. Having all of your expenses itemized will prevent headaches for your intended parents.

For example, when it comes to your fertility medication, it’s a good idea to keep an inventory of all the medication you are on, how much is left, when you’ll need a refill, and how much it costs. Similarly, when you start attending medical appointments, keep all of your itemized receipts in a clearly marked folder, organized by date. Your intended parents will thank you — and it will be less likely that you’ll have to pay for certain expenses out-of-pocket.

Remember that your surrogacy specialist will be by your side to support you through the entire journey, and that includes mediating complicated conversations about finances and compensation. But, the more organized you are, the easier these conversations will be!

Want more tips on maintaining a positive relationship with your intended parents? Speak with our surrogacy specialists at 1-800-875-2229(BABY) today.