When you've invested your heart, time and energy into in vitro fertilization (IVF) only to find out it won’t work, it can feel like the ground has shifted beneath you. But even if IVF isn't an option anymore, your dream of having a family doesn’t have to end. Surrogacy could be the next step in your journey. Gestational surrogacy allows you to continue building your family, even if carrying a child yourself isn’t possible. This route could be the solution that brings your long-awaited dreams of becoming a parent to life. If you’re ready to explore this path, a surrogacy specialist can provide the guidance and support you need to move forward. Fill out our online form to get in touch today. As you read on, you’ll learn more about moving on to surrogacy, what that process looks like and how to cope with complex emotions.
My Doctor Said IVF Won’t Work: What’s Next?
Hearing your doctor say that IVF won’t work can be devastating. For many, IVF is the first step in their family-building journey, so finding out it’s no longer an option can feel like a door closing. IVF still plays a critical role in surrogacy, but what sets it apart from typical IVF is what makes it such an ideal route for infertile couples.
If you still have embryos from your previous IVF cycles, they can be utilized in surrogacy. However, instead of being transferred to your or your partner’s uterus, they will be transferred to a surrogate’s. Surrogacy with IVF often has higher success rates than traditional IVF because the surrogate is a proven carrier, making it a more reliable option when you’re ready to move forward.
It’s important to note that surrogacy can be a significant investment. Surrogacy costs $169,900 to $179,000 or more, compared to $15,000 to $30,000 for a single IVF cycle. However, many people find it worthwhile, considering the high success rates and the opportunity to finally achieve their dream of becoming parents. Understanding the logistics and costs involved can help you determine whether surrogacy is the right next step for you.
I Can’t Go Through Another IVF Attempt
The emotional toll of repeated IVF attempts can be overwhelming. Moving on to surrogacy is a big step, and it’s essential to acknowledge the complex emotions that come with it. It’s normal to feel a sense of loss and disappointment, and you may need time to come to terms with the fact that you won’t be carrying your child.
Healing isn’t a linear process; it’s okay if some aspects of surrogacy feel triggering. It’s important to give yourself grace and to reach out for support when you need it. Our specialists are here to help you navigate these emotions and to ensure that you feel supported every step of the way.
“When you want a baby, you want it right now — you wanted it yesterday — so it’s very, very hard to be patient, but in the end, it’s worth it,” says Lindsey, an intended parent. “You want it to be a happy ending for everyone and, if you’re patient, it will come.”
Moving forward doesn’t mean forgetting the challenges you’ve faced, but it does mean opening yourself up to new possibilities. Surrogacy can offer hope and a path to the family you’ve always wanted — even if that path looks different than you initially imagined.
Moving on From Failed IVF to Surrogacy
If you already have embryos created, moving on to surrogacy can be a smooth process. Having embryos ready means you can be quickly matched with a surrogate. This can be incredibly encouraging after the setbacks you’ve faced with IVF.
Before moving forward, it's essential to consider the importance of genetic testing and embryo selection. If you haven’t already had your embryos PGT-A tested, this step can help ensure that the embryos used in your surrogacy journey are the most viable. Depending on your age, you can expect a percentage of embryos to pass:
Age Embryo Passing Percentage Under 35 72% 35-37 62% 38-40 46% 41-42 30%
Starting the surrogacy process with embryos that have been carefully selected and tested can increase your likelihood of success. It’s a way to take control of your journey and give yourself the best possible chance of becoming a parent.
Moving on to surrogacy is a big shift, so it’s important to take care of yourself. Here’s how you can find peace with this new chapter if you’re unable to or not interested in doing another transfer: Speaking with a counselor who specializes in fertility issues can help you process your emotions and prepare for the surrogacy journey. They can offer a safe space to express your feelings and provide strategies to cope with the transition. Hearing from others who have been through similar experiences can be incredibly comforting. You can join support groups, read blogs or listen to podcasts where women share their journeys. Writing down your thoughts and emotions can help you process what you’re going through. Journaling allows you to explore your feelings at your own pace and can be a helpful tool for managing stress and anxiety. Taking care of your physical health can have a positive impact on your emotional well-being. Eating a balanced diet and staying active can help reduce stress and improve your mood. Whether it’s your partner, surrogacy specialist or surrogate, keeping open lines of communication can make the process smoother. Ask questions, share your excitement and lean on the people who are there to support you.How to Cope With Surrogacy
1. Talk With a Counselor
2. Listen to Other Women’s IVF and Surrogacy Stories
3. Journal About Your Feelings
4. Eat Healthy Foods and Exercise Regularly
5. Talk to People Involved in the Process
Your Next Step Forward
When you’re ready to begin moving on to surrogacy, our surrogacy specialists can help guide you. Fill out our form or call 1-800-875-BABY to speak with someone who can help you get started. Your path to parenthood is still within reach, and we’re here for you every step of the way.