Experiencing IVF failure when one partner already has children can evoke a complex range of emotions, and navigating your next steps can take time.
IVF failure is not your fault. Get more information on why IVF may not work.
This article explores these feelings, discusses factors contributing to IVF failure and provides practical advice on coping and alternative paths.
Dealing with the Failure of IVF When Your Spouse Already Has Kids
Facing IVF failure can be especially challenging when one partner already has children from a previous relationship. This situation can stir feelings of inadequacy, guilt and jealousy, creating a difficult emotional landscape and complicated dynamic between you and your partner.
Understanding these emotions and addressing them compassionately is crucial for moving forward.
Navigating the Range of Emotions
It can be helpful to remind yourself that a wide range of emotions is possible, and your reactions may be different depending on your situation. Below we have listed some common emotions, but this is not a comprehensive list.
Guilt
Guilt is a common emotion when dealing with IVF failure, particularly if your partner already has children. You might feel guilty for not being able to provide a child. It’s important to remember that infertility is not a personal failing.
Jealousy
Jealousy can arise when you see your partner’s previous success in having children. This feeling is natural but can be distressing. It’s important to recognize that these feelings are valid and seek ways to address them constructively.
Frustration and Confusion
Frustration and confusion often accompany the realization that IVF isn’t working, especially when one partner has previously conceived naturally. This can lead to questioning why fertility treatments aren’t succeeding and feeling perplexed by the situation.
Depression
Depression can set in due to the ongoing struggle and perceived inadequacies. It's vital to address these feelings and seek support to manage emotional well-being effectively.
Factors Contributing to Unsuccessful IVF
There are many factors that can contribute to unsuccessful IVF. Sometimes medical professionals can pinpoint what the issues are, and sometimes, the cause of unsuccessful IVF is unknown. Here are some factors that can have an effect on IVF:
Age and Health Conditions
Age and health conditions of either partner can impact IVF success. For example, advanced age can affect egg and sperm quality, while certain health issues can interfere with fertility. Understanding these factors can help in assessing the situation and exploring possible solutions.
Secondary Infertility
Secondary infertility is when a couple experiences difficulty conceiving after already having one or more children. This condition can be particularly surprising and distressing for those who previously conceived without issues.
How to Cope with IVF Failure When Your Spouse Has Kids
Seek Counseling
Professional counseling can provide crucial support for managing the emotional impact of IVF failure. Individual or couples therapy can help you work through feelings of guilt, jealousy, and frustration, offering strategies for coping and communication.
Lean on Friends and Family
Lean on your support system of friends and family for emotional comfort. Sharing your experiences and feelings with trusted individuals can provide relief and help you feel less isolated.
Join Support Groups
Support groups for individuals dealing with infertility can offer valuable insights and shared experiences. Connecting with others who understand your situation can provide emotional support and practical advice.
Use Coping Strategies
Engage in self-care practices to help manage stress and emotions. This might include mindfulness techniques, exercise, hobbies, and spending quality time with loved ones.
Exploring Surrogacy After Failed IVF
Surrogacy involves a surrogate carrying a pregnancy for you, which can be a meaningful alternative if you’re unable to conceive through IVF.
People may seek out surrogacy when they are facing:
- Unexplained infertility
- Uterine issues
- Health issues preventing carrying a healthy pregnancy
Surrogates are screened thoroughly and must meet requirements for health, age, and previous successful pregnancy, which means that they often have a higher rate of successful pregnancy than those struggling with IVF. Consulting with a surrogacy agency or fertility clinic can offer guidance on how to proceed and what to expect.
If you’re considering surrogacy, you can get help now when you fill out our simple form.
If you still have viable embryos or the ability to create new embryos with your own eggs or sperm, or a donor’s, surrogacy allows you to maintain a genetic link to your child. The embryo(s) will then be transferred to your surrogate’s uterus.
You can get matched with a surrogate in an average of 1 - 6 months if you have embryos ready. View our qualified surrogates here.
Moving Forward with Hope and Support
Dealing with IVF failure when your spouse already has children involves navigating a range of emotions and making informed decisions about the future. By seeking support, exploring alternative options, and addressing your feelings compassionately, you can find a path that aligns with your goals and offers hope for the future.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is IVF more successful if you already have a child?
IVF statistics show that IVF success rates are higher in women who have had a previous successful pregnancy, but even if you haven’t had a child, medical intervention can increase your chances of conceiving and carrying a baby to term.
Can you have IVF if your partner has a child?
Yes, you can have IVF if your partner has a child or multiple children. You can find out if you are a good candidate for IVF when you talk to a fertility specialist, and if you aren’t eligible for IVF, surrogacy may be possible.
What to do when IVF keeps failing?
If IVF keeps failing, you can always talk to your doctor and consider alternative treatments. Surrogacy is possible even for couples who have little or no chance of conceiving through IVF. Your medical provider may also have additional treatment options that are available.
Are you more fertile after a failed IVF cycle?
Failed IVF cycles don’t increase future fertility, but many women go on and experience healthy pregnancies after unsuccessful IVF attempts. In some cases it may be possible the IVF can help your medical professionals find the root cause for your fertility problems, and about 25% of couples experience spontaneous pregnancy after discontinuation of IVF.