If you’ve experienced unsuccessful rounds of IVF, you may be asking yourself, “should I give up on having kids after IVF?”
Facing failed IVF cycles can feel overwhelming, but it doesn’t have to mean the end of your dreams of having children. While IVF setbacks are challenging, there are still options that may help you grow your family.
Learn more about your infertility options here.
This article will help guide you through the emotions and help you get started with the decision-making process of whether to continue with IVF or explore other paths to parenthood.
Losing Hope After IVF
If you've given up hope of having a baby after failed IVF, you're not alone. Many people experience frustration and heartbreak after unsuccessful IVF cycles. Facing multiple IVF failures can lead to profound feelings of doubt and frustration among many other emotions.
It's normal to question whether you should continue trying or consider giving up on having kids altogether, and identifying your emotions can help you process them as you consider your next steps.
Here are some of the common emotions you may be experiencing:
Uncertainty and Hopelessness
Repeated IVF failures can make you feel like giving up is the only option. You may feel you have almost given up hope of having a baby. It’s important to recognize that these feelings of uncertainty and hopelessness are a natural response to the emotional and physical challenges of IVF.
Frustration with the Process
Frustration often accompanies repeated failures, especially if you had high hopes for success. Acknowledging your frustration can help you process these emotions and make informed decisions about your next steps.
Self-Doubt and Guilt
You might question whether you did something wrong or if there’s something inherently flawed in you or your partner. Remember that IVF is a complex process, and failure is not a reflection of your worth or actions. Seeking professional counseling can help you work through these feelings.
Loss of Confidence
A failed IVF cycle can affect your confidence in the process and in your ability to conceive. Rebuild confidence by educating yourself about the options available and discussing new strategies with your fertility specialist. Setting small, achievable goals can also help restore a sense of control.
Should I Give Up On Having a Baby? [Questions to Ask Yourself]
It's natural to feel discouraged after multiple IVF attempts. It’s important to remember that IVF is not your only option, and this doesn’t have to be the end of your dreams of parenthood.
There are alternatives like surrogacy, egg or embryo donation, or adoption.
Asking yourself some questions and gathering information can help you move forward.
How Many Cycles Have You Attempted?
Assess the number of IVF cycles you’ve undergone and consider the likelihood of future success based on your individual circumstances.
What Are Your Financial and Emotional States?
Evaluate your financial situation and emotional well-being. IVF can be a significant financial and emotional investment, and it’s important to consider your capacity to continue.
Discussing with Your Partner and Doctor
Engage in open discussions with your partner about your feelings, expectations, and future plans. Consulting with your doctor can provide insights into your chances of success and help you make an informed decision.
Alternatives to IVF: Exploring Surrogacy
Surrogacy can allow you to have a child with your genetic material if IVF has been unsuccessful. It provides a path to parenthood when other options have been exhausted, and if you have embryos on hand from IVF, the process can begin quickly.
Surrogacy involves a surrogate carrying a pregnancy for you, which can be a meaningful alternative if you’re unable to conceive through IVF.
People may seek out surrogacy when they are facing:
- Unexplained infertility
- Uterine issues
- Health issues preventing carrying a healthy pregnancy
Surrogates are screened thoroughly and must meet requirements for health, age, and previous successful pregnancy, which means that they often have a higher rate of successful pregnancy than those struggling with IVF. Consulting with a surrogacy agency or fertility clinic can offer guidance on how to proceed and what to expect.
You can get matched with a surrogate in an average of 1 - 6 months if you have embryos ready. View our qualified surrogates here.
If you are considering surrogacy you can get help when you fill out our quick form.
Resources and Support
Support Groups and Online Communities
- Remembering Our Babies
- Support Groups and Forums
- Share Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support
- M.E.N.D.
- BabyCenter’s Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Loss Community]
Moving Forward with Hope and Clarity
Deciding whether to continue with IVF or explore other paths to parenthood is a deeply personal and challenging decision. By validating your emotions, exploring all available options, and seeking support, you can make an informed choice that aligns with your needs and hopes for the future.
Frequently Asked Questions
At what point do you give up on IVF?
When to give up on IVF is different for each person. Many couples consider their age, estimated chances of success as determined by their medical professionals, as well as the emotional burden and resources that are being put towards IVF when they consider moving on.
Is IVF a boon to childless couples?
Assisted reproduction has a success rate of about 50%, which may seem small considering the resources and time some couples put into IVF, but IVF and other assisted reproduction technologies are a boon to couples who may have had few options 30-40 years ago.
What are the dark sides of IVF?
IVF can be a positive for couples who have been hoping to have a family member for some time, but as with all medical procedures, there are risks associated with IVF. Women undergoing IVF cycles may experience ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome, have higher risk pregnancies due to multiple births, and have risks of some other medical conditions. There may also be risks for children born through IVF, like premature delivery and low birth weight.
Is it good to have a baby through IVF?
The majority of children born through IVF are healthy, and many couples have waited years hoping to conceive. Because of these positives, many couples find IVF to be the best option possible for their family, and IVF is often seen as a positive.