Supporting your wife after a failed IVF cycle is vital for both her emotional well-being and the strength of your relationship.
Your support can make a significant difference in her healing process. By understanding her needs and providing compassion and support, you can help her navigate this difficult time.
You can learn more about grief after failed IVF and your infertility options.
This guide will help you understand how to effectively support your partner after a failed IVF cycle, manage your own feelings, and explore potential next steps.
How to Support Your Wife After Failed IVF
A failed IVF cycle can bring intense feelings of disappointment, grief and frustration. For your wife, it may feel like a personal loss, accompanied by self-doubt and sadness. Understanding the depth of her emotional response and validating her feelings is the first step in providing meaningful support.
Both partners may experience a range of emotions after a failed IVF cycle:
- Grief and Sadness: The loss of a hoped-for pregnancy can trigger a grieving process, similar to mourning a loss. This can affect both partners differently, with varying expressions of sadness and frustration.
- Self-Doubt: Your wife might struggle with feelings of inadequacy or blame herself for the failure. This self-doubt can be compounded by societal pressures or personal expectations.
- Anger and Frustration: Feelings of anger towards the situation, the process, or even towards each other can arise. It’s important to address these emotions constructively and with compassion.
Offering Emotional Comfort
- Be a Good Listener: Allow your wife to express her feelings without judgment or immediate solutions. Simply being present and attentive can provide significant emotional relief.
- Acknowledge Her Feelings: Validate her emotions by acknowledging the pain and frustration she’s experiencing. Phrases like “I understand how hard this is for you” can offer comfort.
- Provide Reassurance: Reassure her of your love and support. Remind her that this experience does not define her worth or your future together.
Helping with Physical Recovery
- Assist with Daily Tasks: Help with household chores, cooking, and other responsibilities to ease her physical burden. This support allows her time to rest and recover both physically and emotionally.
- Encourage Rest and Self-Care: Ensure she has the opportunity to take time for herself. Encourage activities that promote relaxation and well-being, such as gentle exercise or hobbies she enjoys.
Importance of Open and Honest Communication
Maintaining open and honest communication is key to supporting each other:
- Talk About Your Feelings: Share your own emotions and concerns with your wife. Expressing your feelings can help both of you feel more connected and less isolated in your experiences.
- Discuss Future Plans: Engage in conversations about your next steps, whether it involves further IVF attempts, exploring alternatives, or taking a break. Collaborative decision-making can strengthen your partnership.
Exploring Surrogacy After Failed IVF
Surrogacy involves another person carrying the pregnancy for you. This can be a viable option if uterine issues or other health concerns are affecting your ability to carry a pregnancy. If you have already completed IVF and have embryos left, you can use these embryos to pursue surrogacy, and you can get matched with one of our qualified surrogates in an average of 1 - 6 months.
In many cases surrogacy can offer:
- Increased Chance of Pregnancy: Surrogacy can be beneficial if previous attempts have failed due to uterine or health issues because surrogates are screened for health, age, and have had previous successful pregnancies.
- Control Over Embryos: You can use your own embryos, which may provide comfort and continuity in the process.
Get free surrogacy information and support when you fill out our simple form.
“I don’t know how long we would have been mourning the loss of not having another child. I don’t know how long that lasts because surrogacy gave us hope through the entire time that we were trying to have this baby. We knew it could be done. It was just a matter of not giving up and finding the right people to help us.”
-Bekah and Gilad, parents through surrogacy
See their success story here.
Support Groups and Online Resources
Connecting with others who understand your situation can provide valuable support:
- Support Groups: Look for local or online support groups for couples experiencing infertility or IVF failure. These groups offer a platform to share experiences, advice, and emotional support.
- Online Resources: Many websites and forums provide information and support for individuals and couples facing similar challenges. Utilize these resources for additional guidance and community support.
- Our Counseling Services: We offer specialized counseling services to help you navigate the emotional aspects of infertility and IVF failure when you are considering surrogacy. Our professionals can provide tailored support for both you and your wife.
Taking the Next Steps Together
Supporting your wife after a failed IVF cycle involves understanding her emotions, providing practical help, and exploring future options together.
By maintaining open communication and seeking support, you can strengthen your relationship and navigate this challenging time with compassion and resilience. Remember that you don’t have to face this journey alone—resources and support are available to help you both find your path forward.
Frequently Asked Questions
How to support someone with failed IVF?
When you are supporting someone who has experienced unsuccessful IVF, it’s best to take their lead. Since everyone handles IVF grief differently, you can expect a wide range of emotions, and each person may want different things. Being there to talk to and offering support for daily things can make a big difference.
Are you more fertile after a failed IVF cycle?
While failed IVF cycles themselves may not cause future fertility, anecdotally, many women go on and experience healthy pregnancies after unsuccessful IVF attempts. In some cases it may be possible the IVF can help your medical professionals find the root cause for your fertility problems, and in some cases it may be possible that the medications used for IVF could help you conceive naturally.
How to cope after failed IVF?
Coping after failed IVF means taking time and space for yourself. Practice self-care, allow yourself to feel any emotions—grief can come with a wide range of feelings, seek support in friends and family, and consider therapy.
What are the stages of grief after failed IVF?
The stages of grief and emotions during unsuccessful IVF can be different for everyone, but some common emotions include shock, denial, anger, disappointment, depression, bargaining, acceptance, and overwhelm. You may or may not feel any one of these emotions, and grief is not a linear process—you may experience multiple emotions at once or experience them in a different order than others.